Latest / The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast / How to Shake the Mom Guilt this Summer

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How to Shake the Mom Guilt this Summer · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: How do you feel about summertime with your kids?
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Do you feel frazzled or unorganized?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Or do you find yourself filled with dread and overwhelm?
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe you do feel super excited one minute, but then you remember last summer.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Ugh.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: As a mom and a business owner, summer break is something that feels like it could be fun, but then it feels like a major hassle, mainly because you have competing desires.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: Either make memory with the kids or keep building momentum with your business.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the good news, my friend.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: I don't think it has to be either or.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: It can be both.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: I do believe that you can enjoy this summer without mom guilt or losing momentum in your business.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna help you today to learn how to lead in your strengths and design a summer that you and your kids are gonna love.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: This special summer mini-series is for you, the multi-talented, hardworking Love Big Mama.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: For a few weeks, I'm sharing my coaching tips and tricks to have a summer to remember.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, still get things done that are important to moving your faith, business goals, and relationships forward.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: I know what it's like to juggle a load of responsibilities, yet, desire connection with the kids during these lazy, fleeting days of summer.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: That's why I'm sharing some tried and true hacks to create a summer you love.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: It's like you and I are getting to have a special pep talk, strategy session while you go on a walk, head to the pool, or hit the road for your summer vacation.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: If we haven't met before, I'm Amy Wicks.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm an Enneagram life coach, helping entrepreneurial women have a vibrant faith, to thrive in their relationships, and to think like a business owner.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: I do this by helping you identify your personality strengths, getting freedom from your emotional struggles, and creating simple, sustainable, life-giving rhythms.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: I am so glad you're here.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: You are not alone in the summer dilemma, as oftentimes there are commonly two approaches to summer.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: You either overplan and you find yourself and your kids more tired at the end of the summer than at the beginning.
• 2:30
  SPEAKER_00: Or you underplan and you find it a little too empty or it didn't feel special, and without welcome structure.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: It's totally human to swing wildly from one extreme to the other.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're anything like me, not finding a healthy rhythm causes you to be the crabby pants and party pooper you're trying hard not to be.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_00: But with a little bit of preparation and thoughtful planning, you can have a summer you and your kids love.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can also have momentum in your goals, and your kids will grow in responsibility.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: So, before we go any further, here's my number one tip to not have mom guilt this summer.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: Drum roll, please.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: Let your kids get bored.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, you heard me right.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: While I do have other tips and takeaways today, I want you to first answer this question.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: What if you relaxed and instead of planning every minute, you allowed your kids to get a little bored?
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the deal.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: After 15 years of parenting, I've discovered that when I allow my kids to get bored, and I've put the right resources and boundaries in place, on the other side of the boredom discomfort is creativity.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: Now I know allowing your kids to hit the wall of boredom is not fun.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, at the beginning of the summer, it takes everything in me to not just give into the begging for electronics or the entertainment quick fixes, but the transition is so worth it because I truly believe and have experienced that boredom bursts creativity.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I believe boredom is also awesome for adults.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's so important to just have white space for your brain to process all that you have coming at you all day long.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just being, not doing helps you connect with God and be mindful of your blessings.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I have a lot more to say about this topic, so in just a few weeks, I'm going to be sharing more in another episode about how to create more white space this summer while you still achieve your goals and connect with your kids.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: Now, while my number one tip about letting your kids get bored is fairly straightforward, make sure you listen all the way to the end to hear my secret to success with this process.
• 4:55
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'm going to share how to get clear on the summer that you want to have with your kids.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, bucket lists and evaluations are part of this ideal.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Second, I want you to embrace the gift of time management.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Time management, it's not a dirty word.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: You can time block and all sorts of ways, and you can do it your way, and I'll be talking a little bit more about that here.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: And third, I'm going to tell you why mom guilt is a lie from the pit of hell and the remedy for each personality type.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, this is important to remember, friend.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: The enemy wants to steal, kill, and destroy your summer.
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: Because I have experienced such amazing times of connection and I have witnessed it in other families, I believe that there is a great deal of stake during these summer months.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm confident the Lord wants you to make the most of your opportunity, and I know exactly who doesn't want you to make the most of your minutes.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: So not only are you going to get a plan to put into place, but you're also going to get some truth statements to help you combat the lies that might try to trip you up.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Early on, my mantra was Ephesians 5, 15, and 16, and I think it's so applicable.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: And my why behind creating is simply summer, and what we have also dubbed a super summer challenge.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: Ephesians 5, 15 and 16 is make the most of every opportunity because the days are evil.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: Live not as unwise, but as wise.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm here to offer you a little bit of wisdom to make the most of the opportunity that you have with your kids and your business this summer.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: Now, years ago, I was pregnant with my third.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: And if you didn't hear this from me already, I did have three kids in three years.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: So I had a three-year-old, a two-year-old, I had a new baby on the way.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: I was in a new city, it was a really hot summer, and this baby was due in August.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: And have I mentioned yet that there was no family close by and we really didn't have a solid church community?
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, I desperately needed some time management.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_00: So originally my mother-in-law talked to me about the super summer challenge, I think probably when I was pregnant with my first.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this idea of a supersummer challenge sounded really cutesy and fun, and it was way over my head.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: I really didn't know what she talked about until I was sort of in this crisis moment, right?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: Third baby on the way.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: What are the other two kids gonna do?
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: Are they gonna kill each other while I'm taking care of this new baby?
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_00: Also, how are we gonna get through this summer?
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I did want to make my minutes count with them, but those minutes also felt really long at times.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where I needed some time management.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, Enneagram 7 here confession.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: Time management can feel like a dirty word.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And time blocking, ugh, even worse.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: Box me in, hold me to something, having to overcommit.
• 8:01
  SPEAKER_00: But it was in these months of preparing for my third kiddo that I implemented a rhythm.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: I like to call it a rhythm more than the time management or time blocking schedule, but I created a rhythm that we began to follow, uh, specifically myself and my girls.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: It was so rewarding.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Of course, it didn't work perfectly those first couple of weeks that I tried it out.
• 8:27
  SPEAKER_00: But as I tried a Simply Summer Schedule and implemented a super summer challenge, oh, the days became fun.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: They were still really hot, and I found myself at any pool that I could get to.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: But we also created really special memories, and the girls learned a lot of amazing important skills along the way.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in my Simply Summer Video Guide Workshop, I share more details of what we did that summer.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: But to give you a little glimpse, I created an overall summer schedule and rhythm that we followed day in and day out.
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: I mapped out any travel that we had, any big events, any company, and of course the soon-to-be-born third child in our family that we didn't know at the time was a boy, and you know, turned out to be a boy.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, and with that, too, I also planned a mini super summer challenge.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: Now, this was the idea that my mother-in-law had talked to me about, and she had used it with her kids and she had spoken to mom's groups around the country, and she had so much passion about this.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I took her idea and I was like, okay, this is really awesome.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: She had done it with her kids when they were a little bit older than mine and had done the a super summer challenge like the whole three months of summer, and I thought, there's no way my three and two-year-old are going to get that concept.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: So we took her idea and we just did one week at a time of a little mini super summer challenge.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: We literally worked on skills like playing together nicely.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_00: I would set a timer and see if they could play nicely for 30 minutes without killing each other or arguing.
• 10:07
  SPEAKER_00: Again, they were three and two.
• 10:09
  SPEAKER_00: And when they finished those 30 minutes and the play went smoothly and they didn't come ask me for something and they allowed me to finish a task on my list, then they got a sticker.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the week, if they got a certain amount of stickers for little things like playing together nicely, they got to turn that in for a special prize in the prize box or a special ice cream date with dad.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank goodness for those 50 cent ice creams at the quick trip down the road.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: Well, that was our first simply summer and our first attempt at doing a super summer challenge.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_00: There have been 12 summers now of doing that, and I have done them every single way that I could think of.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks to Pinterest, thanks to other friends, thanks to adapting other really good ideas.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we have loved every single summer.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_00: Now, some of our summers ended up being a little too busy, and some of them, well, I could have planned a little bit more, and I have learned from those mistakes.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it a lot of different ways, and I've done it with the little kids, and now I'm still using our Simply Summer rhythm and a super summer challenge for my teenagers.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: They even ask about it during the year and are excited about it when the summer begins.
• 11:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know about your kids, but my kids experience summer brain drain if they aren't doing specific tasks between the school year.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Things like reading.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_00: I have one reader, and I'll talk about her in an episode coming up, actually, that's next week, and we're gonna talk about reading.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: But I have one daughter who loves to read.
• 11:46
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really easy and she's very motivated to read during the summer, but my other two, not so much.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: And so our super summer challenges help me prepare them for the next school year or keep their brains going during the school year, whether it's math, facts, or reading and other skills that I want them to learn.
• 12:06
  SPEAKER_00: I've really loved because after 12 summers of doing things like this, my kids are fully equipped to launch on their own.
• 12:14
  SPEAKER_00: I kind of joke about hey, if something happens to me tomorrow, I am so glad to know you guys can cook your own meals, do your laundry, clean your room, clean other parts of the house, and basically be somewhat self-sufficient if anything happened, or I couldn't do all those things.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the super summer challenge rhythm helps me go through the training process with them, get them certified in the certain skills or or different knowledge and abilities and things like that.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: And then they're able to do it, and we have fun along the way because they get rewarded.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: There's a goal to reach, and they're learning stuff that I think is invaluable that will last them a lifetime.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: So this is a little bit, I've given you an idea of what I have done.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've given you an idea of what creating a super summer challenge and finding your simply summer rhythm, what that looks like.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you how I built this out exactly.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, first of all, I do a seasonal evaluation.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have talked about in previous podcasts that I won't go into here, but I go through the learn questions.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I learn what worked last year, what's been working this fall, winter, and spring, and then what didn't work?
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_00: What are the things that I want to make sure I do differently or that we just need to do different because my kids are at a new age and we have new responsibilities or new things available to us.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: Then I map out the next three months.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_00: I look at the calendar.
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: I print out physical calendar because I'm a pen and paper kind of gal, and I look at what our summer is actually available to us.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: And for the way our school works, we actually get out at a decent time in May, but we start early August for school.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: So our summers feel a little bit shorter now.
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: I look at the time that we actually have.
• 14:11
  SPEAKER_00: When is company coming?
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: When do we have the family vacation?
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: When does summer start?
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: When does summer stop?
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_00: When do we, you know, when is the pool open?
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_00: And when does it close?
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: Or what are those hours?
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: I look at all the time that I have available for our summer months.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Next, my husband and I talk about the things that we want our kids to work on or to learn during the summer.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: I create a chart of challenges and rewards, and that's what I call a super summer challenge.
• 14:40
  SPEAKER_00: Again, I won't go into all the details here, but I do have a video guide that I've created for you.
• 14:46
  SPEAKER_00: I've actually refreshed all the videos and I've put it on my new website so you can easily access it to it.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: And of course, there's always Pinterest.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many ideas like this on Pinterest.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: So you can kind of get the concept, see how I create a Simply Summer rhythm, and then you can implement your own ideas, but just by getting it off of Pinterest.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say my Simply Summer video guide spells out six different ways of doing a super summer challenge so that way you can take what works for you and adapt them for what you have available this summer.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so that's how we do it now.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I have fun doing this every year.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it takes a little bit of work.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it takes some intentionality and some thought through, but it is so worth it.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: And I can tell you, honestly, it helps me get rid of so much mom guilt during the summer because I still am running a business.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: I still am giving one-on-one hours to my clients.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_00: And my kids, they're not gonna sleep all day.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: If left to their own ways and their own methods, they would potentially sit and just watch TV or get on the Nintendo Switch or watch YouTube.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_00: But the Super Summer Challenge and our Simply Summer Rhythm helps them be mindful and thoughtful, reach their goals, learn skills, and be proactive while I am doing and focusing on what I need to do.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_00: And then it keeps me accountable to creating intentional time with them.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, because my number one tip is to let your kids get bored this summer, it's important to also make sure your kids know that they aren't allowed to complain about being bored.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, this is truly important to the creative process.
• 16:42
  SPEAKER_00: So trust me, my kids get bored every year and they often toy with whining and complaining about it.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: But we have this rule, and that is that they have to pay a dollar, a whole dollar, anytime they say the word bored.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's kind of funny now because I've done this for years.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: So at the beginning of summer, I'll see them flailing about or moping and wandering about the house, and I'll notice them out of the corner of my eye, right?
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: When I ask them what's wrong, they just look at me and they tell me, I can't say.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: I just laugh because I realize, oh, they're bored.
• 17:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I remind them about their super summer challenge board.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: It's this thing that I mentioned earlier, and it quickly redirects them to a challenge that they can work on or some other creative endeavor.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, in addition to this critical tip, let me tell you the secret to shaking the mom guilt when they start feeling bored.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'll sum it up this way: give them 15 minutes and they will give you 90 minutes in return.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what I mean.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_00: When I spend 15 to 30 minutes of real connection time with my kids, whether it's one-on-one or as the three of them, right?
• 17:58
  SPEAKER_00: No phones, no distractions, just focused conversation or playtime, this intentionality sets their hearts in the right direction.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_00: When my kids were little, this meant I would read books, do puzzles, I would play with their toys, and even though it really wasn't my favorite activity, it would help them get their imaginations going in the right direction.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, of course, it fosters healthy connection and attachment, and it gave us both joy in our time of doing our own things.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_00: Now that I have teenagers, the time of connection looks more like playing a game, making a meal with them, hanging out in the kitchen, or just having a conversation about their day or new thoughts or current events.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it's even running a quick errand together.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, the activities, these intentional connection times of 1530, or sometimes a little bit more minutes, it looks different every day.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_00: But I promise you, when you give your undivided attention to them, again, no electronics distracting you, you do create a special time of bonding.
• 19:04
  SPEAKER_00: It sets them in a direction of happier, more creative play while you get done what you need.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: And I call this a win-win.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_00: Plus, you shake off that mom guilt.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_00: And a fun bonus tip: a friend of mine with three little kids uses this concept, but she also uses a visual timer with an explanation of her intention.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: She tells them, this is mom and me time, and we're going to have this time together doing whatever you want to do for the next 15 minutes.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_00: And then when we're done, you can keep doing this project or do what you want to do, and mom's gonna do her work.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_00: It has worked really well with her kids, and it's communicated and taught them healthy boundaries along the way.
• 19:51
  SPEAKER_00: I wish I had thought that myself when my kids were younger.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_00: But even though I have teenagers, I do use this structure more than ever, so I am making the most of these last special years at home.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_00: The ideas that I've shared go hand in hand to give us the time to do what my kids need this summer, so I could peacefully meet with my coaching clients, work on my business, yet make sure I'm making those intentional memories every day with my kiddos.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_00: I truly believe that summers can have the different rhythm you crave, but you can also experience the growth you desire in your business and relationship with your kids.
• 20:30
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, friend, you can give yourself the gift of time management.
• 20:35
  SPEAKER_00: If it doesn't feel intuitive or maybe it feels like a dirty word, my own your time mini workshop will help you create a sustainable rhythm not only this summer, but all year long.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_00: And if you don't make time to work on your business or projects or invest in your soul care, it's not gonna happen.
• 20:51
  SPEAKER_00: And plus, you run the risk that you will get to the end of summer and you didn't create the special memories that you wanted with your kids.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_00: So to get clear on the summer you and your kids want to have this year, my Simply Summer video guide has some guidance to map out a system that's gonna work for you and your kids.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: But before you start your Simply Summer routine rhythm or map out a super summer challenge, here's some important truth to combat the lie from hell.
• 21:22
  SPEAKER_00: That whole mom guilt, right?
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: It might strike once or twice.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_00: So here's some important things for you to remember.
• 21:31
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe even tell to yourself and share with your friends when the mom guilt strikes.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: One, I am a good mom, even when I work on my business when they are home.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_00: Two, if I take care of their every need, they will miss the gift of learning.
• 21:52
  SPEAKER_00: Because I love my kids, I'm already successful in their eyes.
• 21:58
  SPEAKER_00: Four, I'm exactly the mom my kids need.
• 22:03
  SPEAKER_00: Five, the Lord will give me what I need to be the best mom for my kids.
• 22:11
  SPEAKER_00: My kids can have freedom and adventures and still be safe.
• 22:16
  SPEAKER_00: Seven, just because not every minute is fun doesn't mean I am not a fun mom.
• 22:24
  SPEAKER_00: Eight, I can't control their emotions, but I can control my emotional response.
• 22:32
  SPEAKER_00: 9.
• 22:33
  SPEAKER_00: Allowing my kids to experience disunity can teach them to fight fair and be peacemakers.
• 22:41
  SPEAKER_00: I truly believe that you can have a summer without mom guilt while growing a business you love.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_00: No summer has been perfect for my crew, but every summer has been exactly what we needed and we've loved them all.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_00: As I mentioned, I have a freshly updated owning your time mini workshop and simply summer video guide package that is ready for you to check out.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_00: I have a special summer bundle for only$47, and you can get started on it today.
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_00: I have all the details in the show notes.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: Next week I'm continuing this summer mini series and sharing about one of my favorite things.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_00: Reading.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yep, I'm gonna share how to finish your summer book list and to get your kids to do the same.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_00: Remember, friend, you are the mom your kids need, and I hope you implement these wholehearted rhythms to help you love your motherhood and business, even in the summertime.