Latest / Mindful Success Path / Why Strong Independent Women Struggle in Love

Transcript

Why Strong Independent Women Struggle in Love · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  Have you ever wondered why it seems that strong, independent women struggle with trying to manifest a marriage, or even if they do end up partnered with a man, usually he's more on the feminine or passive side of things?
• 0:46
  Well, in this video, I'm going to be breaking it down for you as a former strong, independent woman, and I'm gonna explain, you know, some things where maybe your strong independent woman persona may actually be getting in the way of a healthy, masculine man pursuing you.
• 1:03
  Because once I understood what I'm gonna be sharing in this video today, then I went from being hyper-independent and single for about 15 years to manifesting my protector/provider husband in about four months.
• 1:17
  And before anybody jumps the gun, no, I'm not going to tell you to become a tradwife.
• 1:22
  No, I'm not going to tell you to stop making money.
• 1:25
  I'm gonna show you which parts of your independent personality are actually a good thing, and maybe which parts might be getting in the way so we can find the happy medium.
• 1:36
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 1:38
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to.
• 1:45
  I teach women how to become magnets to their desires instead of constantly chasing their desires.
• 1:50
  If that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video or live stream that we have coming out on this channel.
• 2:00
  And if you like it, make sure to give it a thumbs up and share it with a girlfriend, because that lets YouTube know that it can keep putting this content in front of women who are looking for it.
• 2:10
  Because the same way that you're interested in this content and you're enjoying it and you're getting answers to a lot of your relationship problems, well, there's other women just like you who are also looking for it, and you can help them find it by either giving it a thumbs up or sharing it with one of them.
• 2:26
  And if you're new here, I oftentimes teach from a place of four divine feminine archetypes.
• 2:32
  I teach the wounded maiden, the awakening warrior, the conscious queen, and the magnetic empress.
• 2:37
  And you can find out which archetype is most dominant for you by taking our free divine feminine archetypes quiz.
• 2:46
  All you have to do is go to mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 2:50
  It's about three minutes, and then it will let you know which archetype is most dominant for you and which patterns are pretty much running your life.
• 2:58
  And if you identify as a strong hyper-independent woman, then, uh, I'm willing to bet that your archetype is the awakening warrior.
• 3:05
  However, you could get, for example, a conscious queen or magnetic empress in your life overall, but still be acting like an awakening warrior in your relationship.
• 3:16
  So it's just really helpful to understand which archetype is most dominant for you in your life, and how the other archetypes may be showing up in other areas of your life.
• 3:25
  All that to say, mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz if you haven't done that quiz already, because it will help you not get lost when I'm talking about these archetypes.
• 3:35
  So let's get into it.
• 3:36
  Why is it that the strong independent woman seems to struggle in relationships?
• 3:42
  So with the strong independent woman, a lot of times we are talking about the awakening warrior archetype.
• 3:49
  So when you're a wounded maiden, which is the first stage or divine feminine archetype that I teach, it's basically like to me consciousness, it's victim consciousness, right?
• 3:59
  And once we get into awakening warrior, which is where the strong independent women tend to live, now we're getting into the by me consciousness.
• 4:08
  Now, by me consciousness basically means that you start learning that you do have some control and some power and some responsibility over your own life, which is great because the wounded maiden is basically a victim to life happening all around her, or blames people outside of herself, or has not yet taken responsibility for her own life.
• 4:28
  A lot of the strong independent women, one of two things happened.
• 4:32
  So either they saw their mothers and their grandmothers be the wounded maiden archetype where those women had no control over their lives, therefore the woman, or you, uh, the strong independent woman, said,"No way, Jose.
• 4:44
  I am absolutely not doing that because that's a disaster." And she's right.
• 4:49
  So then she becomes a strong independent woman.
• 4:51
  Or, as was with the case with me, I was raised by strong independent women.
• 4:56
  I was raised by awakening warrior women, my grandmother, my mother, my grandmother on my other side, and I know that my great-grandmothers on each side also had to be awakening warriors be- just because of life circumstances.
• 5:10
  So it just got passed down to me to be a strong independent woman and an awakening warrior.
• 5:17
  So that's typically how we end up here.
• 5:19
  Another way in which we may end up here is that perhaps at some point as a child, you learned that you had to protect yourself, and the way that you were going to protect yourself was with competency, was with making a lot of money, was with achievement, was w- by not needing anybody, and then that's how you would avoid being disappointed.
• 5:39
  So that's another way that we end up here.
• 5:42
  And in one sense it's good because you're starting to take responsibility for your life, and that's amazing, and independence isn't really the problem.
• 5:49
  Hyper independence is the problem, and a lot of women who identify as a strong independent woman, she's gone all the way into protectionism and hyper independence, and that's where we start running into issues in relationships.
• 6:04
  So let's start going into how that shows up.
• 6:06
  Let's start going into what some of these blocks are so we can bring things back into balance.
• 6:13
  So the first issue that a lot of the strong independent women run into when it comes to relationships is a lot of times their competence and their ability to achieve or get things done is actually an armor that's protecting them so for example, for me, I was accustomed to being disappointed and dismissed.
• 6:32
  So what did I do?
• 6:33
  I took on the armor of competence.
• 6:36
  If something was going to get done, it's because I got it done.
• 6:39
  I couldn't rely on other people to get things done for me.
• 6:44
  I couldn't rely on support.
• 6:46
  I couldn't rely on anybody actually being there for me.
• 6:50
  Some of this was taught and conditioned into me, and some of it was just conclusions that I came to as a child and a young adult through various experiences.
• 7:00
  So competency, uh, particularly when I got to my early 20s, competency became the thing that would protect me.
• 7:08
  And again, this was a good thing because it a- it showed me that I had power.
• 7:13
  It showed me that I had responsibility over my own life.
• 7:16
  It got me out of wounded maiden, where I'm the victim to everyone and everything around me, and I feel powerless, and it got me to a space like,"Wait a second.
• 7:25
  Hold on.
• 7:25
  I do actually have some control over my own life." However, a lot of it was not built from a healthy place.
• 7:32
  A lot of it was built from a place of not wanting to be disappointed again.
• 7:37
  A lot of it was built from a place of,"I have to get it done because I can't trust other people to get it done." A lot of it was built from a place of,"I'm going to achieve," and this was, like, the really sneaky one.
• 7:50
  This was, like, the real in there deep subconscious, like,"I'm going to achieve so I can get love from a parent." Uh, that happens to a lot of awakening warriors as well.
• 7:59
  It happens to all of us really.
• 8:01
  Um, so that was, like, the real sneaky underlying one that was in there.
• 8:05
  But on the surface, it was all about,"Well, I'm competent," right?
• 8:09
  "I can achieve things.
• 8:10
  Look at how I have my life together.
• 8:12
  Look at how I have control over my life," to the point where I became controlling.
• 8:17
  And this is where we go from independence, which is having control, to hyper-independence, which is being controlling.
• 8:24
  And what happens is if you're constantly the competent one and you're constantly the one solving all the problems and you're constantly the one moving things forward, there's no space for a healthy man passive men will be attracted to you.
• 8:37
  Men who need a mommy are going to be attracted to you.
• 8:41
  Men who wanna go 50/50 are going to be attracted to you because And they're literally going to tell you you're so competent, and your ego, um, side is gonna be like,"Oh my God, yes, I'm so competent.
• 8:52
  Yes, look at me and how competent I am." But the, the side of you that wants ease, the side of you that wants flow, the side of you that wants to be devoted to, the side of you that wants to be cherished is gonna be like,"Ew." Ew.
• 9:06
  Um, and you're going to start feeling sort of like an internal conflict around that.
• 9:11
  So the goal here is to start realizing that your competence is a good thing.
• 9:16
  But you can let go of control girl.
• 9:18
  You can let go a little bit, and you can start learning how to let other people help you.
• 9:23
  You can start learning how to let other people pick up the slack, um, in your life, rather than you taking care of everything and everyone around you because you're afraid that you cannot trust them.
• 10:36
  And of course, this is easier said than done.
• 10:38
  I know this personally.
• 10:39
  One of the biggest limiting beliefs that I had was that I couldn't trust the people around me, and that I had to do everything myself.
• 10:46
  So girl, trust me, I get you.
• 10:48
  I understand.
• 10:49
  I also had other limiting beliefs that men could not be trusted, so I had to protect myself from men.
• 10:54
  I was going to protect myself by being competent and achieving and making a lot of money.
• 10:58
  Girl, like I said, I get it.
• 11:00
  I understand.
• 11:01
  But eventually, if I wanted a healthy relationship with a man who took leadership, with a man who was masculine, with a man who, um, I could rely on, then I had to start letting go of some of that control.
• 11:16
  I had to start letting go of some of the hyper-independence.
• 11:19
  And you might be wondering, well, oh my gosh, how do I do that, Amanda?
• 11:22
  The best place for you to get started, if you're really struggling with this, you're probably gonna need some identity work.
• 11:29
  So what I recommend for you is checking out the Magnetic Woman Transformation Training, because that's where I go deep into the identity work required to go from being super hyper-independent and controlling to beginning to let that part of you go, let that part of your ego die, and start becoming more of a magnetic woman that masculine men actually want to give to The second thing that the hyper-independent woman struggles with is that she thinks that need is weakness and here is what I have seen in the comment section from many of you when I've talked about receiving from men, receiving from healthy masculine men, because newsflash, healthy men want to give to women.
• 12:06
  They want to make your life easier, not harder.
• 12:09
  Healthy men truly, truly want to support you and make your life easier, um, in ways that you cannot even imagine, especially if you're hyper-independent.
• 12:18
  You probably can't even see it right now when I'm saying that, but that is the truth of healthy men.
• 12:24
  That, that's the truth of the kind of man you say you want, girl, that he does want to give to you, but he needs the space to be able to do it.
• 12:31
  If you're taking up all the space, there's no room for him, and he's not really going to be that attracted to you or want to give to you.
• 12:37
  So what happens is for a lot of women, they struggle with the receiving, and they struggle with the letting go of control or letting other people help them because need is seen as a weakness.
• 12:48
  And I've seen this in the comment section on this YouTube channel, where I start talking about getting better at receiving, from men and just people around you, not even men, or from the universe, whatever.
• 13:00
  And a lot of women will be like,"Oh, but if I allow people to help me, that makes me weak." And that's, a lot of times that's because that's what's been conditioned into you.
• 13:09
  Or another way in which it comes up is if someone gives to you, then you automatically feel guilty and want to restore power or restore the balance, and then it just doesn't work.
• 13:20
  In romantic relationships, 50/50 does not work in romantic relationships because it kills the polarity.
• 13:27
  The polarity is what maintains attraction, so you wanna think of it as two magnets, right?
• 13:33
  You have the negative pole and the positive pole with the magnet, and what happens, you have zoop, and it comes together.
• 13:38
  Well, in relationships, what it looks like is you have the masculine pole and the feminine pole, and it's like zoop, and that's what brings them together and creates the attraction.
• 13:48
  When you're going 50/50, there's no zoop.
• 13:50
  There's no attraction.
• 13:51
  It's just like you end up like roommates.
• 13:53
  Um, or you end up feeling like you're his mom because he becomes super passive.
• 13:58
  And when he starts becoming super passive, it's because he's holding the feminine pole and you're holding the masculine pole, and women who are hyper-independent usually are holding the masculine pole and that's why they're the ones attracting the more passive or feminine men or men who wanna go 50/50, or they headbutt with very masculine men.
• 14:18
  So you have to let go of this feeling of, well, if I allow people to help me, then that means I'm weak, because it's absolutely not true.
• 14:26
  And let me share a personal story.
• 14:28
  I feel stronger now...
• 14:30
  That I allow people, my husband, house helper, the universe, neighbors, whatever.
• 14:35
  I, I receive help from everyone.
• 14:37
  I receive support from everyone and everything, and I feel stronger.
• 14:41
  Do you wanna know why I feel stronger?
• 14:43
  Because now I'm actually able to be more efficient in my life, or I'm able to rest, which then gives me better ideas to create YouTube channels like this.
• 14:54
  There's nothing wrong with being supported by other people, and in fact, when a woman has been in the hyper-independent awakening warrior stage for too long, a lot of times what ends up happening is she starts to crave support so many women come to me that they've been an awakening warrior for a very long time, and now maybe they're moving into conscious queen, and they're like,"I'm so exhausted.
• 15:16
  I'm so exhausted from being the one who has to hold everything together and control everything.
• 15:23
  I want peace.
• 15:24
  I want to feel at ease." Well, one of the ways in which you begin to do that is by allowing yourself to receive support and realizing that that does not make you a weak person.
• 15:34
  It makes you a smart person The other issue that the hyper-independent strong woman struggles with is control so I oftentimes talk about the difference between control and controlling.
• 15:45
  The strong independent woman has usually gone into controlling and essentially what happens is if you're the one who's constantly in control, no man can surprise you, delight you, support you, help you.
• 15:57
  There's, there's no space for him to do that because here's how a lot of the times that shows up with the controlling women.
• 16:03
  Let's say you do get with a man, and he tries to surprise you.
• 16:06
  You tell him how he did it wrong.
• 16:08
  And if you don't, like, physically tell him, like out of his mouth how he did it wrong, you're thinking it.
• 16:13
  Here's an example that I say that's kinda silly and trite, but it's true, and those of you who are married, this is gonna be very helpful to you.
• 16:20
  Let's say you, you ask your man for help, and you're like,"Hey, can you please pick up some milk, uh, at the store and bring it home?" And he brings back milk, but he brings back the wrong brand of milk, and you're thinking,"Oh, my gosh, like, one of the kids is lactose intolerant.
• 16:33
  Like, how could he have picked the wrong milk?
• 16:34
  What's wrong with him?" And instead of thanking him and being like,"Thank you so much for getting the milk.
• 16:40
  I feel so supported when you are able to do that and you're able to really help me with a lot of these little responsibilities around the house.
• 16:47
  Thank you so much.
• 16:48
  Just, you know, FYI, for next time, we need the lactose intolerant milk." And then guess what a man is gonna do?
• 16:55
  He's gonna course correct.
• 16:56
  He's gonna be like,"Oh, my gosh, I wanna make her happy.
• 16:58
  Let me course correct That's not what the strong independent woman does.
• 17:02
  That is not what a controlling woman does.
• 17:04
  What a controlling woman does is say,"How on earth could you have gotten the wrong milk?
• 17:08
  Don't you know this?
• 17:09
  Everything falls on me.
• 17:10
  I have to do everything," and it turns into a whole drama.
• 17:13
  That's what she does.
• 17:15
  So a lotta times a strong independent woman, she's a controlling woman, and then that's how this can kinda start to play out, and this is simply just learning how to communicate better, from a more feminine place because believe me, girl, many of you have been asking me,"How do I get my husband to do what I want him to do?" A lot of it is learning about feminine communication and feminine influence.
• 17:37
  I do have a training on that.
• 17:39
  It's actually a part of the Magnetic Woman Transformation Training.
• 17:43
  So If you enroll for the Magnetic Woman Transformation Training, which is a lot about identity work, there's also a training in there about feminine communication and feminine influence so that you don't come off as a controlling masculine woman because the only thing that does is, make a masculine man not attracted to you or it'll, it will attract passive men or will, it will attract men who need mommies.
• 18:05
  And if you're watching this, you're kinda tired of the men who need mommies or the men who are passive or the men who are making you pay bills Another way in which the strong independent woman may struggle with relationships is around the idea of receiving.
• 18:19
  I've talked about this a little bit already in this video, but here's the sneaky thing about receiving.
• 18:24
  Receiving may actually reveal some grief and it may make you feel a little bit sad, especially if you've gone a long time without receiving.
• 18:32
  Because suddenly someone starts giving to you, let's say a masculine man starts to give to you, you're realizing,'Wait a minute, wait a minute, my strong independent woman usually wants to shut this down.
• 18:41
  I'm gonna be more mindful of it, so I'm going to allow it and I'm going to get better at receiving.' Well, now you might start feeling a little bit sad or a little bit of grief because you start to realize how you've deprived yourself of this for a very long time so there is a period where you feel a little bit uncomfortable, or you feel guilty, or you feel sad that you didn't realize this before.
• 19:04
  And some strong independent women, they don't like to feel their feelings Okay?
• 19:09
  They don't like to feel their feelings at all, and that's another reason why they struggle in relationships because in order for you to attract a healthy masculine man, a woman needs to be in touch with her heart.
• 19:20
  What's the heart?
• 19:21
  Well, a lot of the heart is emotions.
• 19:23
  It's your feelings.
• 19:24
  It's what you desire, and a lot of strong, independent woman, women have closed themselves off from that.
• 19:30
  A lot of strong independent women live in their heads constantly all the time, but they're disconnected from their hearts.
• 19:37
  Even if they do know what they're feeling, they'll stuff it down, or they will not know how to communicate it, properly in a way that actually she feels like she's expressed, and then he feels like he can witness it, or he feels like he can contain it.
• 19:51
  So again, it's just really important to understand these things about ourselves, and Magnetic Woman Transformation will help you get out of your head and back into your body because that's so important.
• 20:03
  A lot of men, the way that they get in touch with their emotions is through women.
• 20:08
  So do men have emotions?
• 20:10
  Absolutely.
• 20:11
  Should they be learning how to regulate themselves and their emotions and communicate it properly?
• 20:16
  Absolutely.
• 20:17
  Every human being should be learning how to do that.
• 20:19
  There's only so much a man can do on his own when it comes to emotions before he becomes passive, and it goes into diminishing returns, and he gets a little womp, womp if you know what I mean, which none of you are attracted to that kind of a man.
• 20:32
  The way that a man really gets in tune with that is through a woman who is in touch with her own heart, and that's actually part of what attracts a man to a woman because he starts to realize,"Wait a minute.
• 20:46
  She's in tune with her emotions." So this is, this is no longer like a logic to logic conversation.
• 20:52
  If he wanted a logic to logic conversation, he would just go date another man, or he, he would hang out with his bros, or he would go to work.
• 21:00
  He doesn't want that from the woman that he wants to spend his life with.
• 21:04
  What attracts a man to a woman is when she's actually in tune with her emotions, and then he can actually get some relief from being constantly in his mind, logical mind, solving problems all day long, going out there slaying dragons, all that kind of stuff.
• 21:20
  It's through her, and that's actually when he starts to feel a little bit more safe in terms of being able to express himself as well.
• 21:28
  So for those of you who've been asking,"How do I get my man to express himself?" It's by you getting in touch with your own feelings and your own heart and learning how to express yourself.
• 21:40
  That's how he's going to start being able to turn around and do it in his way because men do not express their feelings the exact same way that a woman does, and that's okay.
• 21:50
  We're different.
• 21:50
  We're meant to complement each other.
• 21:52
  There's nothing wrong with that, but the way you get him to start opening his up is you have to be in touch with yourself first'Cause he's not gonna really be able to do it on his own because he's not able to do that the same way that a feminine woman is able to do that.
• 22:09
  So it's really important because the strong, independent woman oftentimes is very disconnected from her own feelings she's very disconnected from her own body, and that's going to block intimacy with a man So the goal here for the strong, independent woman is not to become suddenly helpless and weak like the wounded maiden, because the strong, independent woman is terrified of becoming a wounded maiden, and she should be, quite frankly.
• 22:33
  It's not about becoming helpless.
• 22:35
  It's about having range.
• 22:37
  A feminine woman, a mature, feminine woman, a woman who knows how to live in her feminine pole, in her life, she has range.
• 22:46
  She knows how to be independent when she needs to, and she also knows how to receive support.
• 22:51
  She knows how to, be logical when she needs to, and she also knows how to tap into her emotions.
• 22:58
  She knows how to make decisions when she needs to, and she also knows how to let other people lead when it's their turn to do it.
• 23:05
  That's the goal.
• 23:06
  The goal isn't to shut down your independence.
• 23:09
  The goal is range.
• 23:11
  It's almost like a fan, like an, a, an abanico, as we say in Spanish.
• 23:15
  It has range, right?
• 23:16
  So rather than being on one side of the equation, which is the wounded maiden, or the other side of the equation, which is the awakening warrior, strong, independent woman, it's the range, right?
• 23:27
  And really, what we're going for is somewhere here in the middle where we're integrated, and when we're integrated there in the middle, we have some range.
• 23:35
  We have some wiggle room.
• 23:36
  A feminine woman knows how to use which energy at the appropriate time.
• 23:41
  She knows how to weave in and out of the energies that she needs in that particular time.
• 23:47
  She's not trying to prove anything to anyone,'cause here's the other thing, the strong, independent woman has a tendency of wanting to prove herself to everyone around her the most liberating thing I ever did, which is what allowed me to start moving into a life of more ease and flow, is stop trying to prove my damn self.
• 24:04
  Stop trying to prove that I could do it all.
• 24:05
  Stop trying to prove that I could solve everybody's problems.
• 24:08
  Stop trying to prove that I could achieve.
• 24:10
  Even stop trying to argue my points here on YouTube.
• 24:13
  Like, it was one of the most liberating things I ever did.
• 24:17
  Because when I did that, I was able to let a lot of stuff go, and when you're able to let a lot of stuff go in terms of relationships, well, now there's space for a masculine man.
• 24:26
  Now there's space for a healthy man.
• 24:28
  Now there's space for someone to actually want to give to you.
• 24:31
  Now there's space for someone to actually even become attracted to you, Because healthy masculine men are not attracted to women who can solve all their own problems and it's not even that they're not attracted to a woman who can solve all her own problems, it's that they're not attracted to a woman who won't let anybody else help her.
• 24:48
  He knows that you're capable.
• 24:49
  He knows that you're smart, okay?
• 24:51
  He loves that about you, but he also wants to make your life easier.
• 24:55
  And if you don't let him because you're a strong independent woman, um, there, there's no space for him.
• 25:00
  And if there's no space for him, there's no way for him to become attracted to you.
• 25:04
  Because the way that men become attracted is by giving to you.
• 25:09
  But if you've got everything handled, how is he gonna fall in love?
• 25:12
  There's no way to give to you.
• 25:13
  There's no way to support you.
• 25:14
  There's no way to step up.
• 25:14
  There's no way for him to be your hero.
• 25:17
  So I hope you found this video to be helpful.
• 25:19
  We covered different things.
• 25:21
  We talked, we talked about hyper-independence.
• 25:23
  I answered some of your questions about influencing men.
• 25:26
  I answered some of your questions about how to get men to open up because the truth is that it's all related.
• 25:31
  A lotta times the hyper-independent woman, the strong independent woman, um, she doesn't have the range that I was talking about to be able to get a man to open up to her, to get a masculine man to pursue her, to get people to help her because she's like,"I got it handled.
• 25:46
  Everything's great.
• 25:47
  I got it handled.
• 25:47
  Yes, I'm so competent.
• 25:49
  Look at me.
• 25:49
  Look at my achievements." And unknowingly to her, most of the time she does not know this is what's happening because she does not understand the psychology of men or polarity in relationships, because she's too busy trying to protect herself or prove herself to everyone around her.
• 26:06
  A lotta times she just doesn't know.
• 26:08
  So for all of you who've been asking these questions, you just don't know, and this is your opportunity to learn.
• 26:14
  And you can learn by subscribing to this YouTube channel.
• 26:17
  You can get a Magnetic Woman Transformation to go from being hyper-independent, hypervigilant, controlling to being a magnetic woman who now attracts things to her based on my 15 years of experience coaching women, but also transforming my own life where I went from being hyper-independent, I was controlling, I was the strong independent woman.
• 26:37
  I was the one attracting the passive men.
• 26:39
  Not just men, but even money was a struggle, to now having a life where in four months I attracted a masculine provider husband.
• 26:46
  I moved to another country where I have a lot more ease and flow.
• 26:50
  I started this YouTube channel which brings me passive income every day.
• 26:54
  I couldn't do any of this when I was a strong independent woman.
• 26:58
  I had to let that persona go in order to get to this stage of my life.
• 27:04
  And you don't know what you don't know, so we have all the resources available in the description in the first comment.
• 27:10
  So if you liked this video, go ahead and give it a thumbs up.
• 27:13
  Make sure to share it with a girlfriend.
• 27:14
  Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.