Latest / Pursuit of Sassiness / Alexia Nepola and Jennifer Fessler and the Gray Divorce

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Alexia Nepola and Jennifer Fessler and the Gray Divorce · Pursuit of Sassiness

0:09
Speaker 1: Hi, guys, welcome back to I Do Part two. I'm
0:17
Speaker 1: so excited to be on today on one of your
0:19
Speaker 1: celebrity mentors, Alexia Nicola from the Real Housewives of Miami.
0:24
Speaker 1: And I'm so excited to have my fellow mentor, Jennifer
0:27
Speaker 1: Bestler from the Real Housewives of New Jersey on with
0:30
Speaker 1: me today.
0:31
Speaker 2: Hi girl, how are you good? And I'm doing great?
0:34
Speaker 2: How are you, Patsey.
0:36
Speaker 3: I'm very excited to have a chance to like we've
0:38
Speaker 3: I mean, we've met before, but we haven't really had
0:41
Speaker 3: a chance to sit down and shoot. I'm a huge fan,
0:46
Speaker 3: to be.
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Speaker 2: Honest, thank you.
0:47
Speaker 1: I'm also a fan of your show, and i'm you
0:49
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy that we get to do this
0:51
Speaker 1: together and have some fun.
0:52
Speaker 2: Me too, Me too.
0:53
Speaker 3: It's going to be, actually, I think, a really interesting episode.
0:58
Speaker 1: I mean, the longest it's not about me and my divorce.
1:01
Speaker 1: I can talk about anybody else's divorce, right.
1:04
Speaker 3: What divorce going there? I have a feeling you're a
1:07
Speaker 3: little tired of it.
1:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, I kind of am. Yes, I am here. You
1:11
Speaker 2: want me to ask you about it? When I've got
1:13
Speaker 2: the notes, Well, you know it's not in the notes.
1:15
Speaker 1: And when I got the notes, and I'm like, oh
1:16
Speaker 1: my god, of course, yes, I'll do it as long
1:18
Speaker 1: as I don't have to get to talk about mine.
1:20
Speaker 1: But you know, divorce is going on every single second,
1:23
Speaker 1: every single minute that we're talking unfortunately, but you know,
1:26
Speaker 1: sometimes you know it is necessary, and I feel like
1:29
Speaker 1: being in the public eye is is just one of
1:33
Speaker 1: the causes of divorce just in itself, just like for
1:36
Speaker 1: me personally, Like that's what I believe. And today we're
1:38
Speaker 1: going to be talking about celebrities who are you know,
1:42
Speaker 1: who are going through a divorce right now, and you know,
1:45
Speaker 1: different kind of divorces we're going to talk about, which
1:47
Speaker 1: is actually like fawn and cute because I don't know
1:49
Speaker 1: about you, but I had never heard about great divorce
1:51
Speaker 1: and silver divorce.
1:53
Speaker 2: You know.
1:53
Speaker 3: I just I want to say you and I'm not
1:54
Speaker 3: asking you anything. I just want to say that I
1:56
Speaker 3: think that, Uh, it's like, I think so easy right
2:01
Speaker 3: for people in the outside to watch. They don't know
2:04
Speaker 3: what you've been through, but they know what they read
2:06
Speaker 3: or they know what they hear, and it just what
2:09
Speaker 3: you've been through reminds me. I hadn't been divorced, but
2:13
Speaker 3: I was separated for like a year and a half
2:15
Speaker 3: and there is it is such I'm very crass, Alexias,
2:20
Speaker 3: so forgive me, but it is such a mindfolk right
2:23
Speaker 3: when you have those types of feelings that you have
2:25
Speaker 3: immu least at my age I had. I was seeing
2:27
Speaker 3: someone when I was in my separation, and the feelings
2:30
Speaker 3: are overwhelming for me, especially I was, you know, I
2:33
Speaker 3: was older and got caught up in this relationship that
2:37
Speaker 3: I had. It felt like the sparks in the chemistry
2:41
Speaker 3: and ultimately it wasn't right for me. And I'm not
2:44
Speaker 3: asking you about you and Todd, but people don't understand
2:47
Speaker 3: how hard that can be when you are intimately emotionally
2:53
Speaker 3: involved with someone for whatever reason, and it doesn't matter
2:56
Speaker 3: what everyone says or what everyone does. It's like you
3:00
Speaker 3: close your eyes. At least for me, I remember, and
3:02
Speaker 3: all it is is about that person, that person, that person,
3:05
Speaker 3: that person, that person, And I just know you've been
3:07
Speaker 3: through it, and Sister, I admire you because that's not easy.
3:10
Speaker 3: It's not easy.
3:11
Speaker 1: And you know what's the most diffical part is having
3:15
Speaker 1: to share this, you know, on TV, because you know
3:18
Speaker 1: it's already hard enough to end.
3:19
Speaker 2: You're going through this privately.
3:20
Speaker 1: You know between you know, your husband and wife and
3:23
Speaker 1: then you you're like put in a position that I
3:26
Speaker 1: was filming a show. And I've always been very real,
3:29
Speaker 1: you know, I lived my truth. I've been very authentic.
3:32
Speaker 1: And that's what you guys got to see. You know,
3:34
Speaker 1: you got to see and will continue to see because
3:36
Speaker 1: you know, our episode is you know, will be airing
3:39
Speaker 1: for a few months now, so for a few months,
3:42
Speaker 1: so you'll get to see like my whole journey and
3:44
Speaker 1: it really has not been easy, but there was I
3:46
Speaker 1: had no other choice.
3:47
Speaker 2: I had no other choice.
3:49
Speaker 1: And you know, like I said, you know, you guys
3:51
Speaker 1: don't get to see the full story. You know, you
3:53
Speaker 1: get to see, you know, whatever day I was filming,
3:56
Speaker 1: whatever Alexa was feeling that way, you know I was that.
3:58
Speaker 1: You know, I was an emotional roller coaster. You know,
4:00
Speaker 1: sometimes it was good, sometimes it was bad, the highs
4:03
Speaker 1: the lows. So you guys got to see me like
4:06
Speaker 1: the most vulnerable and however I showed up that day
4:09
Speaker 1: whatever I was feeling, that's what you guys saw. But
4:12
Speaker 1: it was really difficult, Jen Like I honestly like I
4:15
Speaker 1: don't know, but I feel like every season for me
4:17
Speaker 1: is like that.
4:18
Speaker 2: Well, I can't.
4:19
Speaker 3: I'm not and I don't say this just to be
4:21
Speaker 3: self deprecated. I was a friend of a housewife for
4:24
Speaker 3: two years. It's not the same, right, Apple's stablished. I
4:27
Speaker 3: haven't been through years and years of this. So but
4:29
Speaker 3: for me, even on days that were bad, there's there's
4:32
Speaker 3: life outside of what the camera catches. To have to
4:37
Speaker 3: sit there, go through glam, you're getting phone calls, whatever
4:41
Speaker 3: part of your life is creeping in and whether it's
4:44
Speaker 3: you know, for me, my husband, my kids, a friend
4:47
Speaker 3: is in trouble a and then it doesn't matter because
4:50
Speaker 3: then boom, cameras are on. But all of that stuff
4:53
Speaker 3: is still there. It's in your stomach, it's in your body.
4:55
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.
4:56
Speaker 3: It's like once you get that anxiety, my friend always
4:59
Speaker 3: says is I think it's so true, Like it's hard
5:01
Speaker 3: to get it out of your body. So now you're
5:02
Speaker 3: filming and you already have the lump in your throat
5:05
Speaker 3: and you're interacting and you're talking about things that it's
5:08
Speaker 3: hard to even focus on.
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Speaker 2: I don't know.
5:11
Speaker 1: I I give it one of the hardest things that
5:15
Speaker 1: I that I've had to do, you know, one of
5:16
Speaker 1: the hardest things, and then reliving it, because that's the
5:19
Speaker 1: other thing that was some months ago. I had to
5:21
Speaker 1: relive all that, you know, episode one, episode two, which
5:25
Speaker 1: was a breaking point for me. And you know, and
5:28
Speaker 1: you'll get to follow my journey, you know. That's all
5:30
Speaker 1: like I want to say, Like for now, I don't
5:31
Speaker 1: really want to talk about it, but you know, you
5:33
Speaker 1: guys will get to see it. And you know, for me,
5:36
Speaker 1: the most important thing is that it's unfortunate that you
5:38
Speaker 1: only get to see like, you know, bits and pieces,
5:41
Speaker 1: you know, because the show is not only about me,
5:42
Speaker 1: it's about other you know, but I shared the show
5:45
Speaker 1: with eight other women.
5:45
Speaker 2: You know, we all have a story to tell.
5:47
Speaker 3: And again it's about Todd. I mean it's not easy, right.
5:52
Speaker 1: I mean you don't get to see the full story,
5:54
Speaker 1: you know, unfortunately for him. You know, since we're talking
5:57
Speaker 1: about him, you know you're going to get to see that.
5:59
Speaker 1: But you know, there's good and bad, like in every relationship,
6:02
Speaker 1: and there's highs and lows, and you know we're here
6:05
Speaker 1: today to talk about other people's.
6:08
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I just wanted to make sure that that
6:10
Speaker 3: you know that I appreciate just what you're doing, how
6:13
Speaker 3: you're hanging on and you're inspiring.
6:17
Speaker 1: I sometimes thank you sometimes like your pain turns into
6:20
Speaker 1: a purpose, into purpose and if I can help any woman,
6:22
Speaker 1: and that's not what I want. I'm not trying to
6:24
Speaker 1: play victim. I'm not trying to be inspiring. I'm just
6:27
Speaker 1: leaving my truth and I'm telling my story.
6:29
Speaker 2: Well that's why.
6:30
Speaker 3: By the way we're talking, we're talking about you guys, yes, divorced,
6:33
Speaker 3: but right now specifically, we're talking about women of a
6:35
Speaker 3: certain age that get divorced. And Alex and I were
6:40
Speaker 3: just talking about something called gray divorce, which I hadn't
6:42
Speaker 3: heard of, or silver divorce, and I guess it's when
6:45
Speaker 3: people that are over fifty get divorced, over the people
6:50
Speaker 3: that have had a long term marriage. But there's all
6:54
Speaker 3: of this these tips. I guess it was in USA
6:55
Speaker 3: today talking about how to survive that, because I think
6:59
Speaker 3: it's probably different. Divorce is gonna suck, doesn't matter, the
7:02
Speaker 3: age doesn't matter. But it's probably a little different and
7:06
Speaker 3: maybe even in some ways scarier when you're older and
7:09
Speaker 3: you've shared a life with someone for so many years.
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Speaker 3: House is someonney. You just shared kids with them, and
7:14
Speaker 3: you shared money with them, and these things become you know,
7:20
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, you get upended and everything that
7:23
Speaker 3: you knew I think, I mean I haven't I haven't
7:26
Speaker 3: gotten a divorce yet, you know. But anyway, so, but
7:32
Speaker 3: there's this advice that in this article. So we'll just
7:35
Speaker 3: like you're just go through it and then you'll tell
7:37
Speaker 3: me what you'll take you So, uh, one of the
7:40
Speaker 3: tips is don't expect to have the same lifestyle after divorce.
7:44
Speaker 1: That's a problem that stops a lot of women from
7:46
Speaker 1: wanting to get divorced because they're afraid, you know, to
7:48
Speaker 1: lose their lifestyle.
7:50
Speaker 2: Yeah.
7:52
Speaker 1: Women, Yes, I stick you know, to their relationship and
7:55
Speaker 1: because they're afraid, you know, they're gonna afraid what's going
7:58
Speaker 1: to happen to them? And you know, like we said,
8:00
Speaker 1: you know, they're older, so like where do they start again?
8:03
Speaker 1: You know, the women in the workforce don't have the
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Speaker 1: same opportunities when they're fifties, you know, versus their twenties
8:08
Speaker 1: or thirties.
8:09
Speaker 2: So it's like a really scary position to be in.
8:13
Speaker 3: And by the way, I have friends who got divorced
8:16
Speaker 3: later in life, and I honestly, I hate to say it,
8:20
Speaker 3: not all of them, some of them are living their
8:21
Speaker 3: best lives. They some of them that say divorce is
8:24
Speaker 3: so underrated, like it's the best by many of them
8:27
Speaker 3: who also say they wouldn't do it again. You know,
8:31
Speaker 3: their lives got turned so upside down.
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Speaker 2: What do you mean they wouldn't do They wouldn't have
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Speaker 2: to divorce again?
8:36
Speaker 1: Right?
8:38
Speaker 3: And so much of this. I know you guys know this,
8:41
Speaker 3: but I'm sorry to say it out loud, But it's
8:43
Speaker 3: just about finances, right, And I guess for a lot
8:46
Speaker 3: of people, when you've lived a certain way, you know,
8:48
Speaker 3: you don't have to necessarily lived like a housewife or
8:52
Speaker 3: a billionaire. But even whatever makes you whatever's comfortable, might
8:56
Speaker 3: not be so comfortable anymore, right, And like your standing
8:59
Speaker 3: habits may have to change, and your home may have
9:02
Speaker 3: to change. And forget about the fact that you're also
9:05
Speaker 3: divorcing and all the complications that go along with that.
9:08
Speaker 1: Not easy, right, Well, luckily we're going to ski about
9:22
Speaker 1: delm what's his name, Delmo Dylan mulroney. Yes, yes, yeah, yeah,
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Speaker 1: he because he just also he filed for divorce from
9:31
Speaker 1: his wife whose name.
9:32
Speaker 3: There's no way you try that. I can't do it.
9:34
Speaker 2: I know, Prima, something she changed her name. Actually, I
9:37
Speaker 2: think she made it worse.
9:38
Speaker 1: I felt like her name before she changed, it was
9:40
Speaker 1: a lot easier to see She's Italian sense, but from
9:44
Speaker 1: her new name Prima. And you know, and in their case,
9:48
Speaker 1: you know, you would you would wonder. You know, they're
9:51
Speaker 1: both she's a singer songwriter. You know, he's an actor.
9:54
Speaker 1: They have, you know, two teenager children, and they were
9:59
Speaker 1: together for fifteen years, you know, and he filed.
10:02
Speaker 2: But so, what do you think is happening?
10:04
Speaker 1: Do you think that people are just getting like tired
10:06
Speaker 1: of each other or they just like grow apart because
10:08
Speaker 1: they spend too much time apart, and then they get
10:11
Speaker 1: comfortable with being alone. I mean, there's so much to unpack,
10:14
Speaker 1: you know, with these divorces. First of all, we don't
10:18
Speaker 1: live in their houses. That's to start off with, because
10:20
Speaker 1: you know, we all have an opinion, but you know,
10:21
Speaker 1: we don't live in them, we don't sleep in their bedrooms.
10:24
Speaker 1: We don't know what goes on, right, so we're just
10:25
Speaker 1: kind of like speculating, you know, on what could have
10:28
Speaker 1: gone wrong, and don't need them to know what went wrong.
10:32
Speaker 3: And I'm sure I don't know. I'm guessing they didn't
10:34
Speaker 3: read this article before they got divorced, and I think
10:37
Speaker 3: their issues I don't know if it would be if
10:40
Speaker 3: their issues are similar to getting a great divorce, but
10:43
Speaker 3: like the money stuff, I would think for these types
10:46
Speaker 3: of people from really big celebrities is also a very
10:49
Speaker 3: different thing, maybe more complicated, maybe less complicated. I think
10:52
Speaker 3: that he it says that they're amicable, right, I mean,
10:56
Speaker 3: that's what the article said. It said, no one's asking
10:58
Speaker 3: for anything, no one's denying anything, not arguing over children
11:01
Speaker 3: or money. That seems very very unusual.
11:03
Speaker 1: It seems to have a mediator. They haven't, you know,
11:06
Speaker 1: hired a churney. They're trying to resolve it.
11:08
Speaker 2: You know.
11:09
Speaker 1: I think too that some people sometimes also, I think
11:11
Speaker 1: it's a huge factor is when they both want out.
11:15
Speaker 1: So when they both want out, I feel like it's
11:17
Speaker 1: going to be amicable because there's nothing to fight about.
11:19
Speaker 2: I don't want to be with you and you don't
11:20
Speaker 2: want to be with me.
11:22
Speaker 1: And you know, we have two children and they're almost
11:24
Speaker 1: sixteen years old, and we want to be good parents
11:27
Speaker 1: and we're going to be civil about this.
11:29
Speaker 2: So I think that's a lot easier.
11:30
Speaker 1: I think it becomes a problem when, you know, when
11:33
Speaker 1: it's not consensual, you know, when they're not in the
11:36
Speaker 1: same page. It's not mutual, like one really wants something
11:39
Speaker 1: the divorce, the other one doesn't want it. And that
11:42
Speaker 1: and also money, if you're not fighting over money, I
11:44
Speaker 1: think money is like the number one thing that couples
11:47
Speaker 1: fight about.
11:48
Speaker 3: Yeah too, you see it. You see even like the
11:51
Speaker 3: doorces that maybe could have started out amicable dissolve. I
11:54
Speaker 3: don't know how pk and reads divorce started out if
11:58
Speaker 3: it was amicable getting but all I keep reading is
12:00
Speaker 3: I don't know the truth, but they're fighting over money.
12:02
Speaker 3: Let me ask you this, Alexi. If you you're getting divorced,
12:06
Speaker 3: you've lived in a house for years and years and years,
12:08
Speaker 3: do you because they said something about don't get hung up.
12:11
Speaker 2: On the house.
12:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, because women usually get hung up on the house.
12:14
Speaker 1: But then guess what happens. They can't afford it, because
12:17
Speaker 1: you know, that's what happens. And then whatever little money
12:19
Speaker 1: they're getting or whatever, even if it's a lot of money, right,
12:22
Speaker 1: they're spending everything on the home, on the mortgage, on
12:25
Speaker 1: the expenses, and then they run out of money. I
12:27
Speaker 1: am always a firm believer that it's better to have cash,
12:30
Speaker 1: you know what you want the house, stick your app,
12:32
Speaker 1: stick your boot, stick your house up your butt, And
12:35
Speaker 1: I don't want your house, and you stay with the
12:37
Speaker 1: house and you deal with it. I always feel like
12:39
Speaker 1: it's better to have cash, you know, in your in
12:41
Speaker 1: your brank.
12:42
Speaker 3: Yep, yep, yep. So listen, I think that for me personally,
12:48
Speaker 3: I wouldn't even want to stay in the house, like
12:51
Speaker 3: the house is part of the old life, you know
12:53
Speaker 3: what I mean. It's like I don't know, but I
12:55
Speaker 3: know a lot of women do. They don't want to
12:56
Speaker 3: be kicked out of their house. And I understand that.
12:58
Speaker 3: But for me also, I and again I maybe I'm
13:02
Speaker 3: just saying this, and when if it actually happened, I
13:04
Speaker 3: would feel differently. But I would want such a fresh
13:06
Speaker 3: start such I would want smaller, I would want easier,
13:10
Speaker 3: whatever makes my life more peaceful. And I think a
13:12
Speaker 3: lot of women do get caught up in that. And
13:14
Speaker 3: I think they get caught up on it. First of all,
13:15
Speaker 3: it feels like it's their house. Of course, maybe it's
13:18
Speaker 3: the size they don't want to downsize. But also, I mean,
13:21
Speaker 3: the experts are now saying, you know, just you won't
13:24
Speaker 3: leave that I won't leave the house like it, you're
13:25
Speaker 3: doing yourself a disservice in a way, so which I
13:28
Speaker 3: can think is interesting.
13:29
Speaker 1: Right, if you can't afford it, you're definitely doing yourself
13:32
Speaker 1: a disservice. But sometimes it's more like fry, you know,
13:35
Speaker 1: like I stayed with the house. You know, I understand
13:38
Speaker 1: sometimes that moms want you know, women that are moms
13:41
Speaker 1: and have children want to day in the house. People
13:43
Speaker 1: the children are already going with your trauma of you know,
13:46
Speaker 1: their father not living there and the separation. So then't
13:48
Speaker 1: want to keep the children in the home because it's
13:50
Speaker 1: familiar and it just you know, it's just better for
13:53
Speaker 1: them as a family unit, for the mom and the children.
13:56
Speaker 1: But you know, speaking about divorce, data on in life,
14:00
Speaker 1: the grades divorce, right, these older women are staying with
14:03
Speaker 1: the homes, and then what happens is they burnt all
14:06
Speaker 1: their money. They go through the money just to maintain
14:08
Speaker 1: the house, and then they're left with nothing.
14:10
Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I'm totally on the same page. What about
14:14
Speaker 3: So when I was separated and we were talking about
14:17
Speaker 3: divorce just goes back a long way. But we've I
14:21
Speaker 3: in my mind, like you have to be married to
14:22
Speaker 3: a certain a certain amount of years, then you get
14:25
Speaker 3: permanent alimony and what kind of alimony was getting. But
14:27
Speaker 3: I don't think any of that.
14:29
Speaker 2: I don't know.
14:29
Speaker 3: I don't know exactly how it stands right now. But
14:32
Speaker 3: I don't even know if there's any such thing as
14:33
Speaker 3: permanent alimony, right, and if you get to the rest,
14:36
Speaker 3: I don't things have changed a lot.
14:38
Speaker 2: They have, you know, to benefit the men.
14:40
Speaker 1: And with all the defense, you know, you know a
14:42
Speaker 1: lot of these men, you know, they do were stuck
14:45
Speaker 1: with permanent alimony so many years ago, you know, do
14:48
Speaker 1: grow older and then what are the chances that they
14:51
Speaker 1: can retire?
14:52
Speaker 2: You know, and like some might have money for them.
14:54
Speaker 1: Too, So you know, I'm I'm fifty to fifty, you know,
14:56
Speaker 1: I feel like there should be some kind of law
14:59
Speaker 1: that money can't be you know until you know, like
15:03
Speaker 1: social security agents or you know, you're so much older,
15:05
Speaker 1: because you know, a lot of men have to keep
15:07
Speaker 1: on working, can never retire because they need to take
15:09
Speaker 1: care of their wife. But I think that also depends
15:11
Speaker 1: on the state, right It depends also, like every state
15:14
Speaker 1: has like different laws, you know and whatnot. But some
15:17
Speaker 1: of these women, in other defense have never worked and
15:20
Speaker 1: day in their life. So imagine you marry your high
15:22
Speaker 1: school sweetheart like in their twenties or and you know,
15:25
Speaker 1: you have children, you never work. You know, they give
15:28
Speaker 1: you like this, you know, beautiful, incredible life where women
15:32
Speaker 1: have never like.
15:32
Speaker 2: Had to, you know, be responsible for bills or anything.
15:35
Speaker 1: And then they're left at fifty something and they usually
15:38
Speaker 1: replace you with somebody that's younger. So you know, apart
15:41
Speaker 1: from everything that you're going through, you also have to
15:43
Speaker 1: worry about how are you going to live the rest
15:46
Speaker 1: of your life?
15:46
Speaker 3: No, it's brutal, and you know, I just I feel
15:49
Speaker 3: like all of this depends on the specific couple, and
15:53
Speaker 3: but there's always just so much mess. Did you hear
15:56
Speaker 3: about Portia Williams? You did you?
15:58
Speaker 1: Yes?
15:58
Speaker 3: By the way, you see that in What was It In?
16:01
Speaker 2: What was It? In? And People and People Magazine?
16:04
Speaker 3: Oh no, she was doing the Angela basset thing.
16:07
Speaker 1: Oh that was so bad. As I love Porscha. I
16:10
Speaker 1: got to know Porsche. We want the ultimate girls' trip
16:12
Speaker 1: together to Thailand, and she brought so much joy, you know,
16:16
Speaker 1: just she just likes a pro room when she comes
16:18
Speaker 1: in and by the way, she had just she flew
16:20
Speaker 1: because you know, her work ethics are so strong. And
16:23
Speaker 1: she left Simon and her family to come film with
16:27
Speaker 1: us at the Ultimore Girls Trip. And she had just
16:28
Speaker 1: been on this beautiful vacation, you know, with Simon all
16:32
Speaker 1: over Europe, and she flew from there basically to Thailand
16:35
Speaker 1: so she can work. And you know, I totally understand
16:39
Speaker 1: Porsche because I feel like she's like me, like we
16:41
Speaker 1: believe in love, the idea of love and the romanticism
16:45
Speaker 1: and the whole thing. So she meets this guy and
16:48
Speaker 1: she swept off her feet because he's like a prince,
16:50
Speaker 1: you know from Africa whatever, you know. I mean not
16:53
Speaker 1: literally a prince with with with the title, but I'm
16:55
Speaker 1: just saying like, and he tweats her like a princess,
16:58
Speaker 1: and she's just like falls in love with him.
17:00
Speaker 2: You know, she's hot.
17:01
Speaker 1: She doesn't have such great relationships in the past, so
17:04
Speaker 1: it's easy, you know, when you're like down in Vronerbo whatever,
17:07
Speaker 1: like somebody comes, you know, into your life and you're like, WHOA,
17:10
Speaker 1: I feel like that, you know, you fall in love
17:12
Speaker 1: with a person.
17:12
Speaker 3: She talks about. I think they were like fIF there's
17:15
Speaker 3: a fifteen year age gap, right, a seventeen year seventeen years.
17:19
Speaker 2: You know, do you think that that's a factor.
17:21
Speaker 3: I think that's the break. If I had to do
17:23
Speaker 3: it again, I'm going older and I am. I don't
17:26
Speaker 3: know if that was a factor specifically in their breakup.
17:30
Speaker 3: I feel like, especially when you've been through a lot,
17:33
Speaker 3: what you look for probably, at least my opinion, I
17:36
Speaker 3: would look for peace.
17:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that doesn't guarantee peace.
17:39
Speaker 1: An older man that literally does piece and an older
17:42
Speaker 1: man does not guarantee stability either.
17:45
Speaker 2: You know, there's a lot.
17:46
Speaker 1: Of older men that are emotionally unavailable, They are emotionally immature,
17:50
Speaker 1: and they bring nothing to the table. But I do
17:53
Speaker 1: get it in her case, because she was so excited
17:55
Speaker 1: about this man, even though I know it was like
17:57
Speaker 1: the husband of one of her friends on the show.
18:00
Speaker 1: You know, I don't have too much information about that,
18:02
Speaker 1: or do I care, because I don't think anybody really
18:04
Speaker 1: breaks anybody's marriage. You know, obviously he was not okay
18:08
Speaker 1: with with his ex when he you know, wanted to
18:11
Speaker 1: you know, date Portiche. So that's like a whole different thing.
18:15
Speaker 1: But what I'm trying to say is that I understand
18:18
Speaker 1: why she fell in love with this man, and you know,
18:20
Speaker 1: she kind of thought that he was going to like
18:22
Speaker 1: save her from whatever she was looking for. You know
18:24
Speaker 1: what I mean, We're all looking for different things in
18:25
Speaker 1: different stages in our lives.
18:28
Speaker 2: Do you think that you were susceptible?
18:30
Speaker 3: Like I think that if I'm looking for love, because
18:33
Speaker 3: even you're right, older men don't necessarily they're not necessarily
18:37
Speaker 3: more stable, They're not necessarily.
18:39
Speaker 2: More emotionally aware.
18:41
Speaker 3: For me, I would just be so tired. You know,
18:44
Speaker 3: at some point, what do you want in life? I
18:46
Speaker 3: mean I don't know if you. Let's not even let's
18:48
Speaker 3: not to make this about you, but like do you
18:49
Speaker 3: still want at a certain age? Are you still looking
18:52
Speaker 3: for the spark? I mean you always talk about you
18:55
Speaker 3: know how you're trast so attracted. I know they'll talk
18:58
Speaker 3: about topic you always so attract me.
19:00
Speaker 1: I've read through my journey, I've like come to understand
19:02
Speaker 1: that a spark is not a good thing, right, But
19:06
Speaker 1: you know what, sometimes you don't have that spark and
19:08
Speaker 1: it still doesn't turn out the same.
19:10
Speaker 2: So I need to feel excited.
19:11
Speaker 1: I need a little bit of that spark, and I
19:13
Speaker 1: need a little bit of that challenge. But at the
19:16
Speaker 1: same time, and I've wanted this all stages in my life,
19:18
Speaker 1: not now that I'm older.
19:20
Speaker 2: I've always wanted peace.
19:21
Speaker 1: Stability and just happy, like a happy family, Like you know,
19:25
Speaker 1: I love my children, and I love my children to
19:28
Speaker 1: be happy with me and whoever I'm with and just
19:31
Speaker 1: just be happy. I mean, that's what I've always wanted
19:33
Speaker 1: and just peace. I just I want you to come
19:35
Speaker 1: to add things from my life, not because I lack them,
19:38
Speaker 1: but because I just wanted to be even better and
19:40
Speaker 1: like you know, and have more joy.
19:42
Speaker 3: So that's I think that's the trick. It's like, yes,
19:44
Speaker 3: I don't. You have to be attracted to someone, You
19:45
Speaker 3: have to be excited to even after all these years.
19:48
Speaker 3: Like I always make jokes about you know, I'm not
19:51
Speaker 3: a menopause and if I never had sex again, but
19:53
Speaker 3: I always want to, Like I always want to touch
19:55
Speaker 3: my husband. I wanted to be close to me physically
19:58
Speaker 3: and that you know what I mean, just like even
20:01
Speaker 3: if it's just holding hands. He makes me feel safe
20:03
Speaker 3: and I like the way he smells and whatever all
20:06
Speaker 3: of that. But but I think at some point, maybe thats
20:09
Speaker 3: a good thing about going through a silver divorce or whatever,
20:13
Speaker 3: is that you're smarter and you're right, it's not just
20:17
Speaker 3: you get not older does not necessarily mean more, but
20:21
Speaker 3: you're smarter, right.
20:23
Speaker 2: And you know what you want. I think that's the
20:24
Speaker 2: key thing.
20:25
Speaker 1: I think as we get older, you know what you know,
20:28
Speaker 1: and we may change, you know, you can be changing
20:30
Speaker 1: husbands every time, like we change. But what I'm trying
20:32
Speaker 1: to say is, as we get older, you know, we
20:35
Speaker 1: really know what we want and we're not going to settle.
20:38
Speaker 1: I think when we're younger, we settle, and when there's children,
20:41
Speaker 1: you know, and involved, you know, we settle as well.
20:44
Speaker 1: But I feel like now, you know, at our age,
20:47
Speaker 1: we really know what we want and we're not going
20:50
Speaker 1: to you know, and you know we have our boundaries,
20:52
Speaker 1: you know, we we we've created like a different vision
20:55
Speaker 1: of what makes us, of how we want to be happy,
20:58
Speaker 1: and it has to be somebody that's gonna, you know,
21:00
Speaker 1: being on the same ride with us.
21:02
Speaker 3: You know, my husband and I are like, there's this
21:14
Speaker 3: whole thing about watching TV and the happiest couples.
21:17
Speaker 2: Do watch together, don't watch TV.
21:19
Speaker 3: But like, to me, that just translates to like space,
21:21
Speaker 3: Like my husband and I are not, in any sense
21:25
Speaker 3: of the word, all over each other. And if I'm
21:28
Speaker 3: being completely honest. Like when we watch TV, we don't
21:31
Speaker 3: fight over which show because I'm upstairs watching TV and
21:33
Speaker 3: he's downstairs watching TV.
21:35
Speaker 1: Well, that's not watching a part together. And you know what,
21:38
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with that. It's again, like what we're saying,
21:40
Speaker 1: it doesn't necessarily mean because you're sitting next to each
21:43
Speaker 1: other and you're holding hands at being cuddly that you
21:45
Speaker 1: come up with a beautiful won dierferent relationship and you're
21:47
Speaker 1: so connected and there's so much into intimacy.
21:50
Speaker 2: You know, that doesn't really, you know, mean that.
21:53
Speaker 1: So sometimes it is better that you get to watch
21:55
Speaker 1: your shows that make you happy and make you laugh,
21:58
Speaker 1: and he can watch whatever shows.
21:59
Speaker 2: Your own thing. And then at the end of the.
22:02
Speaker 1: Night, you both go to your bed, and you both
22:03
Speaker 1: go to your room and there you cuddle and then you're.
22:05
Speaker 2: Intimate and then you do whatever you have to, you
22:07
Speaker 2: know what I mean.
22:07
Speaker 1: But I don't think that God determines whether you have
22:10
Speaker 1: a good relationship or not.
22:11
Speaker 2: I agree.
22:12
Speaker 3: I say this to my daughter all the time. She
22:13
Speaker 3: has a boyfriend and she adores him. They adore each other,
22:16
Speaker 3: But I'm like, reach, you can't. Everything is not about
22:20
Speaker 3: I won't say his name just in case. But like
22:23
Speaker 3: z everything is not about z z Z. Where is he?
22:26
Speaker 3: What is he? What is he doing? Is he mad?
22:28
Speaker 2: Is he not?
22:28
Speaker 3: You gotta have your own thing, your own things, separate
22:33
Speaker 3: from him, separate from this relationship. Like I always encourage her.
22:37
Speaker 3: You have to have you know, you've got to nurture
22:39
Speaker 3: other friendship. This is the time to get busy, not
22:43
Speaker 3: to just see your whole self into a man, into
22:48
Speaker 3: a relationship, you know. And I listen, I don't even
22:52
Speaker 3: a little. I'm alone. I love my alone time.
22:56
Speaker 2: That's important too.
22:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you know, but I still like sometimes you know,
23:00
Speaker 1: we say, you know, like I hear like a lot
23:02
Speaker 1: of women, you know that they want to control the man, like, oh,
23:05
Speaker 1: like on Sundays, I don't want him to watch football.
23:07
Speaker 2: You know what, if it's good for him, it's a
23:09
Speaker 2: lot of foot it's not so bad.
23:11
Speaker 1: By the way, when I hear my friends complaining about, oh,
23:13
Speaker 1: my husband wants to play golf, I'm like, playing golf
23:16
Speaker 1: is not so bad. It's actually a good thing for him.
23:18
Speaker 1: And that isn't me not like he doesn't want to
23:20
Speaker 1: be with you know, he wants to be with you.
23:21
Speaker 1: But he also likes to play golf and be with
23:23
Speaker 1: his friends, so that's cool too with me.
23:25
Speaker 2: So you know, I don't know. I think we just
23:27
Speaker 2: got to be smarter about it.
23:28
Speaker 1: And and yeah, and keep on watching, you know, the
23:32
Speaker 1: women need to keep on watching the Real Housewives.
23:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, well that's how you learn everything, right, that's how
23:38
Speaker 3: are you going to live and now live your life?
23:40
Speaker 2: And like sports, right, and.
23:42
Speaker 1: The man can watch the sports or whatever it may be.
23:44
Speaker 1: And please don't let your guys watch the housewives, you know.
23:46
Speaker 1: I don't like when the guys come up to me
23:48
Speaker 1: and say, oh, by.
23:48
Speaker 2: The way, like I watched my wife. I'm like, no, no, no,
23:51
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be watching.
23:52
Speaker 1: But so, yeah, so that's fine, you know, I think
23:55
Speaker 1: that that's actually healthy and good for the relationship.
23:57
Speaker 3: I would you ever consider sleeping in.
23:59
Speaker 2: Separate No, absolutely not, Like that's my favorite.
24:03
Speaker 3: I wouldn't either.
24:05
Speaker 2: Relationship is actually sleeping on the same bed.
24:08
Speaker 3: I agree people talking about that, but that wouldn't be
24:10
Speaker 3: for me either. I mean, and not because of sex,
24:12
Speaker 3: just because there's something about.
24:14
Speaker 1: Coming home in the same or do you want to
24:15
Speaker 1: wait up together, go to together, give each other a
24:19
Speaker 1: good night kiss? You know, oh, I mean whatever, whatever, maybe,
24:22
Speaker 1: but look no, definitely we have to sleep in the
24:25
Speaker 1: same bed.
24:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm with you, Alexia. Big kudos to you girl.
24:30
Speaker 3: Like people don't understand you're going through it and you're
24:33
Speaker 3: showing up and looking like that. Actually, you know how,
24:36
Speaker 3: I actually find a little annoying. It's more of an accusation,
24:39
Speaker 3: like do you ever just let yourself fall apart?
24:42
Speaker 2: Uh?
24:42
Speaker 1: No, you know what, I try to keep it together,
24:45
Speaker 1: you know, as much as it good. I mean, I
24:47
Speaker 1: think the most I fall apart was the season, And
24:50
Speaker 1: like I said, you know, there were like times that
24:51
Speaker 1: I couldn't even like show up to film because I
24:53
Speaker 1: was feeling that shitty inside, you know what I mean that,
24:56
Speaker 1: and I just couldn't do it. But you know, besides that,
24:59
Speaker 1: you know, I love to work out and I keep
25:03
Speaker 1: myself busy. I feel like that's my biggest therapy is
25:06
Speaker 1: just you know, moving, just keep it moving. I have
25:08
Speaker 1: a lot of great friends and family and support, and
25:12
Speaker 1: you know, I feel like when you're going through something
25:14
Speaker 1: like this, you really need your friends.
25:16
Speaker 3: Well, having said that, I want to see your friends, so.
25:19
Speaker 2: Please, like I always have.
25:21
Speaker 3: Finally, you go in through your Housewives. You're like you
25:23
Speaker 3: see people on TV and you kind of like, I
25:25
Speaker 3: feel like her, and I could really do this for sure.
25:29
Speaker 1: We have this bond and meet you also. I love
25:32
Speaker 1: your energy, I love who you are, and we have
25:35
Speaker 1: so much to talk about. I love that you love
25:36
Speaker 1: to talk like me.
25:37
Speaker 2: Yeah.
25:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we'll do this again. That was actually really
25:41
Speaker 3: interesting getting to talk about great divorce and about how
25:43
Speaker 3: some people choose to approach divorce and their living situation. So,
25:47
Speaker 3: are you going through a great divorce and need some advice,
25:50
Speaker 3: Call us or email us. We're here to guide you.
25:52
Speaker 3: All of this information is in the show notes. Follow
25:55
Speaker 3: us on socials. Make sure to rate and review the
25:57
Speaker 3: podcast I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcasts where falling
26:01
Speaker 3: in love is the main objective.