Latest / Reformed Thinking / The Velvet Steel: The Qualification of Gentleness (Epieikēs) in the Office of Elder
Transcript
- 0:00Welcome back to the show. We're calling this one Reformed
- 0:02Thinking. It's good to be back.
- 0:04Today, we're doing what you know what we love to do.
- 0:06We've got this massive stack of sources in front of us.
- 0:09We've got articles, some theological essays, Greek
- 0:12lexicons, really the works. The whole pile whole.
- 0:16Pile and we're going to try and get to the bottom of a really
- 0:18specific biblical idea. Yeah, and this isn't just, you
- 0:22know, some abstract academic thing.
- 0:24We're really trying to act as guides here through some, let's
- 0:27be honest, pretty dense material.
- 0:29It can be. So you can see what actually
- 0:31matters for, well, for your life, right?
- 0:34Before we jump all the way in, I think we should probably set the
- 0:38coordinates, so to speak. We we should be clear about the
- 0:41lens we're using to look at all this stuff.
- 0:43That's a good idea, Yeah. It helps you, the listener, to
- 0:46know where we're standing. Both of us here were Protestant
- 0:48Christians. And specifically, we really
- 0:50emphasize Reformed theology. Our standard is the Westminster
- 0:54Confession of Faith. So when we're talking about,
- 0:57say, church structures or definitions from the Bible
- 0:59today, that's the soil we're digging in.
- 1:01We're looking at this whole topic through the lens of
- 1:03historic, you know, confessional Protestantism.
- 1:06OK, so with that framing in place, let's unpack this.
- 1:09We're looking at a problem today that the sources we have are
- 1:12describing as well, a crisis. But it's not the usual kind of
- 1:17crisis. It's not that the church budget
- 1:19is in the red. It's not, you know, the roof is
- 1:21leaking again. Or a lack of programs, right or.
- 1:24We need a more volunteers for the nursery.
- 1:26It's none of that. No, it's something much more
- 1:29subtle and because of that, I think much more dangerous.
- 1:33It flies under the radar. The sources are all pointing to
- 1:36what they call a crisis of tone. Tone.
- 1:38Now, I have to admit, when I first saw the other notes, it
- 1:40felt a little subjective. I get that, you know, like
- 1:43complaining of the color of the carpet is it's just a preference
- 1:45thing. But the sources are really,
- 1:48really firm on this. They argue that the modern
- 1:52church is facing a situation where we've confused worldly
- 1:56ideas of strength with biblical authority.
- 1:58That's the core tension right there.
- 2:01I mean, think about the image of a leader in our culture.
- 2:04If you just close your eyes for a second and picture a strong
- 2:06leader, what do you see? Well, I see a guy in a suit,
- 2:11probably walking fast. He talks loud.
- 2:14He walks into a room and just commands the space.
- 2:17He's decisive. He doesn't take no for an
- 2:20answer. That's the image.
- 2:21That's it. That is precisely the image the
- 2:24world rewards the unyielding person, the combative 1, the
- 2:27strongman. And the danger, as our sources
- 2:30are pointing out, is that the Church often just baptizes this
- 2:34Spirit. What do you mean by that?
- 2:35We take that worldly aggression, we put a little religious
- 2:38language on it, maybe a Bible verse, and we call it boldness.
- 2:41So we mistake sharpness for courage.
- 2:43We think if a leader is loud or if he could just, you know,
- 2:46destroy someone in a debate, he must have real authority.
- 2:49And if they're severe, we just assume they're being faithful.
- 2:52But we have to look at the text. We have to.
- 2:54And the central text for our whole discussion today is First
- 2:57Timothy chapter 3, verse 3. OK, this is the famous list of
- 3:00qualifications for an overseer, an elder.
- 3:03Yes, and right there in that list, Paul writes that an
- 3:08overseer must be gentle. The Greek word I think is a
- 3:12pikeys. That's the one.
- 3:13EPI Hayes And the thesis we're seeing in all these documents is
- 3:16that gentleness is not just a personality preference.
- 3:19It isn't a suggestion. You know that it would be nice
- 3:22if the pastor was a polite guy who held the door open for
- 3:25people. No, it's a non negotiable A
- 3:27moral qualification for the office.
- 3:29It is, and the sources use this fantastic metaphor for it.
- 3:32They call it the velvet steel. I love that image.
- 3:35Velvet steel. It sounds like AI don't know an
- 3:3780s band name or something, but it's a theological concept.
- 3:40It is, and it implies A conviction that cannot be bent.
- 3:44That's the steel, but it's sheathed in grace.
- 3:47That's the Velvet. So just to be clear, we are not
- 3:49talking of being a pushover. Not at all.
- 3:51Not even close. OK, let's get into the weeds
- 3:53then. Section 1 Exegesis and
- 3:56definition. We really need to figure out
- 3:59what this word actually means. Cuz when I hear gentle, I'm
- 4:02gonna be honest. I think of a grandmother
- 4:04knitting a sweater. Right.
- 4:06Or maybe a very sleepy kitten. It doesn't sound like leader.
- 4:09And that's the problem with our modern English ears, you know,
- 4:13That's why we have to look at the Greek, the word EPI eyes.
- 4:16It's derived from 2 parts, EPI, which means something like
- 4:19fitting and Icos meaning reasonable or fair.
- 4:22One of our sources mentioned a translation by the writer
- 4:25Matthew Arnold. He called it Sweet
- 4:27reasonableness. That is a beautiful way to
- 4:30capture the idea. It really is.
- 4:32But to get the full weight of it, we have to look at how
- 4:35someone like Aristotle defined it.
- 4:37The sources bring up Aristotle's contrast between epicia, which
- 4:41is this equity or gentleness, and a word.
- 4:44Get ready for it, Acrobodicayos. Acrobodicayos.
- 4:48That sounds like a dinosaur it. Sounds intense?
- 4:50Because it is. It means strict justice.
- 4:52Aristotle argued that there's a huge difference between just
- 4:55applying the strict letter of the law and applying equity.
- 4:58OK, the gentleman, the Epicayos man, knows when not to apply the
- 5:03strict letter of the law precisely to avoid an injustice.
- 5:06Can you give us a real world example of that?
- 5:08Because I think we get hung up on justice being the highest
- 5:10good, you know, just applying the rules no matter what.
- 5:13Sure. Think of how about a leader who
- 5:15is, let's say, technically right.
- 5:18Maybe a church member missed a deadline for a ministry
- 5:22application by an hour, or they technically violated some minor
- 5:26procedure in the bylaws. The leader has the rule book on
- 5:29his side. He could demand the last ounce
- 5:32of his rights. He could say, Nope, you're out.
- 5:34And he would be technically correct.
- 5:36He has the law on his side. He does.
- 5:38But the EPI Guys man doesn't do that.
- 5:40He looks at the context. He looks at the person.
- 5:43Maybe that member was in the hospital all week.
- 5:45Maybe they're struggling with something at home.
- 5:47The gentleman doesn't insist on the last ounce of his rights.
- 5:50He is equitable rather than exacting.
- 5:53He knows how to apply truth with wise restraint.
- 5:56So it's about knowing when to yield, even when you have the
- 5:59right not to. That is it.
- 6:00That's the heart of it. It's a man whose convictions
- 6:03have not made him cruel. The sources also point out
- 6:05something really fascinating about where this word sits in
- 6:07the text of First Timothy 3.3. They call it the sandwich.
- 6:11Context is everything right? Paul places the word eppo aikis
- 6:16right between two negatives. It's intentional.
- 6:19On one side you have not violent.
- 6:22The Greek there is my Pope known.
- 6:24Which literally means not a striker doesn't.
- 6:26It yes, someone who hits whether that's physically or more often
- 6:31verbally and then on the other side of gentle you have not
- 6:35quarrelsome or Amashon. Which means not a fighter or a
- 6:39warrior. Exactly.
- 6:41So think about that. You have the striker on one
- 6:43side, that's the bully who uses force, and you have the fighter
- 6:46on the other, the guy who treats ministry like a combat zone,
- 6:49always looking for an argument. And right in the middle.
- 6:51Right in the middle, the antidote to both, is the
- 6:54gentleman. This is interesting because I
- 6:56think a lot of guys, maybe especially guys who get into
- 6:58theology and specifically reformed theology, they get into
- 7:02it because they like the fight. Oh yeah, they see themselves as
- 7:05warriors for the truth. And look, there is a place for
- 7:08defending the faith. We are not denying that for a
- 7:10second. But Paul is saying that the
- 7:13basic nature of the elder cannot be that of a brawler.
- 7:17If you wake up in the morning looking for a fight online or in
- 7:19a meeting, you're not qualified to lead God's people.
- 7:23The gentleman refuses carnal weapons.
- 7:26He isn't physically throwing punches, obviously, but he also
- 7:30isn't throwing verbal punches just to win an argument or to
- 7:33feel superior. The fighter creates a culture of
- 7:36war. The gentleman creates a culture
- 7:38of peace. Precisely.
- 7:40That's the goal. So this brings us back to that
- 7:42velvet steel metaphor. I want to make sure we have this
- 7:44absolutely clear. The steel is the orthodox spine.
- 7:46Yes, refuting error, guarding the deposit of faith.
- 7:50As Paul says, you cannot have a leader who folds on the truth.
- 7:53That is not gentleness. That's just cowardice, right?
- 7:56If a man sees he's a wolf coming for the sheep and says, well,
- 7:58you know, I don't want to be mean to the wolf.
- 8:00He's not gentle. He's a traitor to the flock.
- 8:03But the velvet is a self abnegating spirit.
- 8:06It's a spirit that refuses to quarrel over preferences or
- 8:09personal rights. He doesn't need to win every
- 8:11conversation. He doesn't have to have the last
- 8:13word. So again, it's not niceness.
- 8:15No. Niceness is often just a desire
- 8:17to be liked. It's a social pleasantry.
- 8:19It's avoiding conflict for your own comfort.
- 8:22Gentleness is strength under holy control.
- 8:25It is choosing not to crush someone when you absolutely have
- 8:29the ability and maybe even the right to do so.
- 8:32That distinction is huge. It really is.
- 8:35OK, moving into Section 2, let's look at the systematic and
- 8:38confessional basis for this, because we said at the top,
- 8:41we're coming from a reformed perspective.
- 8:43How does something like the Westminster Confession play into
- 8:47this idea of gentleness? This gets right into
- 8:50ecclesiology of the doctrine of the Church, and we have to make
- 8:53a key distinction between two types of authority.
- 8:55There is what we call magisterial authority and then
- 8:57there's ministerial authority. OK, break that down for.
- 9:00US magisterial authority belongs to the civil magistrate, the
- 9:04government. They hold the authority of the
- 9:06sword. They can use force and coercion
- 9:08to make you obey. If you break the speed limit,
- 9:11they can find you. If you commit a crime, they can
- 9:14jail you. They can force your body to be
- 9:16in a certain place. They could force compliance.
- 9:18They can, but the church, the church officers hold the
- 9:21authority of the keys. From Matthew 16, opening and
- 9:25closing the Kingdom via the word.
- 9:26Exactly. And because an elder cannot
- 9:29force the conscience, he can't put you in jail for sinning, he
- 9:33can't fine you for bad theology. His only tool is persuasion.
- 9:37He has to use the scriptures. He has to.
- 9:39He has to open the Bible and convince you that this is what
- 9:42God says. And because his only tool is
- 9:45persuasion, gentleness becomes the necessary delivery
- 9:48mechanism. You cannot bludgeon someone into
- 9:50a change of heart. You can scare them into acting
- 9:52right for a week, but you cannot change who they are on the
- 9:55inside with force. This reminds me of the section
- 9:58the sources on Christian Liberty.
- 9:59The Westminster Confession in chapter 20 says God alone is
- 10:02Lord of the conscience. A vital, vital doctrine.
- 10:06It means no human being, no pastor, no elder, no king has
- 10:10the right to step in and play God in your life.
- 10:13So how does gentleness connect to that?
- 10:14The sources mention a character from the New Testament, a guy
- 10:16named Diatrophes. Yes, from the Little book of
- 10:19Three John Diatrophes is described as the one who loves
- 10:24to be first. He is the archetype, really, of
- 10:26the violent elder. And what does he do?
- 10:29He tries to bind consciences to his own opinions.
- 10:32So if Deca Trifis likes a certain type of worship music or
- 10:35a certain schooling option for his kids, he starts acting like
- 10:38it's God's law for everybody else.
- 10:40Exactly. He erases the line between God's
- 10:43command and his own preference. He makes his personal taste the
- 10:47standard of holiness for the whole church.
- 10:50But the gentle elder, the API Cos man, he constantly
- 10:54distinguishes between. Thus saith the Lord, and thus
- 10:57thinks the elder. That is a freeing distinction
- 10:59it. Is the gentle elder yields on
- 11:01matters of indifference? The theological term for that is
- 11:04Ade Hafra, right? These are things that aren't
- 11:06essential to salvation or commanded by Scripture.
- 11:09He will stand firm on Scripture. He's not going to budget on the
- 11:11resurrection or the Trinity, but he doesn't insist on his own way
- 11:15in all the Gray areas of life. So he's not trying to clone
- 11:18himself. He isn't trying to make everyone
- 11:20in the church dress like him, talk like him, and educate their
- 11:23kids exactly like him, no. His job is to form Christ and
- 11:27others, not himself. That's the difference.
- 11:30This leads us, I think, naturally into the biblical
- 11:32theology. We need to look at the heart of
- 11:35the shepherd. The sources draw this massive,
- 11:39really stark contrast between true and false shepherds in the
- 11:43Old Testament. You really can't understand the
- 11:46New Testament requirement without seeing this Old
- 11:49Testament backdrop. I mean, look at Ezekiel 34.
- 11:52That is a scary chapter. It's terrifying.
- 11:54It's God indicting the shepherds of Israel.
- 11:56It's a courtroom scene, basically.
- 11:58And what is the primary charge? He says they ruled with force
- 12:02and harshness. And the result of that was that
- 12:04the sheep were scattered. They ran away.
- 12:06Harsh leadership always scatters the flock and makes them pray
- 12:09for wolves. It drives them away from the
- 12:11sanctuary. Now contrast that image with
- 12:13Isaiah 40, verse 11. That's the prophecy of Yahweh
- 12:16himself coming as a shepherd. And how does he handle the
- 12:19flock? The text says he gathers the
- 12:22lambs in his arms and he gently leads those that are with young.
- 12:26It's so tactile, it's so careful.
- 12:28He isn't driving them with a whip from behind, he's carrying
- 12:31them in front. And the Septuagint, the Greek
- 12:34translation of the Old Testament that the apostles use that
- 12:37actually uses our word Here in Psalm 86 verse 5, the lore is
- 12:41described as achies, good and forgiving.
- 12:45So the implication is if an elder is harsh, he isn't acting
- 12:49like God. He's misrepresenting the one he
- 12:51works for. An ambassador who misrepresents
- 12:54the King is a bad ambassador. And this whole theme finds its
- 12:57ultimate fulfilment, of course, in Christ.
- 12:59The sources point straight to Matthew 11.29.
- 13:02It is the only place in all the Gospels where Jesus describes
- 13:05his own heart, his own inner nature.
- 13:08He doesn't say I am powerful and mighty though he is.
- 13:10He doesn't say I am sovereign and in control, though he is.
- 13:13He says I am gentle and lowly in heart.
- 13:15And he says his yoke is easy and his burden is light.
- 13:18Which means it brings rest, not bruises.
- 13:21It fits the shoulder of the weary sheet.
- 13:23There's also the reference that comes up again and again in the
- 13:25sources to the bruised Reed from Isaiah 42.
- 13:28A bruised Reed he will not break, and a smoldering Wick he
- 13:32will not quench. Just think about that image for
- 13:34a second. A Reed that's already damaged,
- 13:36bent. A Wick that's barely flickering.
- 13:39Just a tiny wisp of smoke left. Yeah, the violent man snaps the
- 13:43Reed because it's useless. It can't hold any weight
- 13:45anymore. He snuffs out the Wick because
- 13:47the smoke is annoying. He wants efficiency, he wants
- 13:50results. But the Messiah, he protects it.
- 13:51He nurtures it back to health. He cups his hands around that
- 13:54little spark until it's a flame again.
- 13:56And the implication for an elder is profound.
- 13:59The elder is an under shepherd. If he is harsh, he is preaching
- 14:02a false gospel with his behavior.
- 14:04How so? What do you mean by?
- 14:05That he's preaching a covenant of works.
- 14:07He's implicitly saying perform perfectly or be crushed to get
- 14:10your act together or get out. But Christ preaches a covenant
- 14:13of grace. He says, come to me, you who are
- 14:16weary, and find rest. Be healed.
- 14:19That is a heavy realization. Your tone is your theology.
- 14:24You can preach grace from the pulpit all day long, but if
- 14:27you're a bully in the elders meeting, you are actually
- 14:29preaching works. Inevitably, people believe your
- 14:32tone more than they believe your text.
- 14:35Wow. OK, so we've established what
- 14:37gentleness is and why it's so theologically grounded, but the
- 14:41sources spend a lot of time on the counterfeits.
- 14:43They call this section the Two Ditches.
- 14:46Right, because whenever you talk about a virtue, you have to
- 14:49watch out for the extremes on either side.
- 14:51The devil doesn't care which side of the horse you fall off
- 14:53of as long as you don't stay in the saddle.
- 14:55OK, so air #1 is the error of severity.
- 14:58The sources call this cage stage Calvinism.
- 15:00It's a bit of a colloquial term, but it's very descriptive.
- 15:04It describes someone who has just learned the doctrines of
- 15:07grace, sovereignty of God, predestination, and they are,
- 15:12you know, pumped up about the truth, but they are often very
- 15:15angry. They have the form of sound
- 15:16words, as Paul puts it, but not the fruit of the Spirit.
- 15:19Exactly. They mistake their own harshness
- 15:22for holiness. They think if they're being
- 15:24mean, they're being serious about the truth.
- 15:27They view gentleness as weakness, or even worse, as
- 15:30compromise. They think if you aren't
- 15:32yelling, you aren't really preaching.
- 15:34That's the diotrophy spirit again, loving to be first.
- 15:37It is. It's arrogance.
- 15:39Masquerading is zeal. But then there's the other ditch
- 15:42error #2 the error of laxity. And this looks more like, you
- 15:46know, modern liberalism or a kind of antinomianism.
- 15:49This is where you confuse gentleness with the tolerance of
- 15:52unrepentant sin. The sources call this the Eli
- 15:55error. From First Samuel, Eli was the
- 15:58high priest who refused to restrain his wicked sons.
- 16:01Yeah, his sons were abusing the worshippers at the temple.
- 16:04They were stealing the sacrifices for themselves.
- 16:06And Eli just kind of said, no, no, boys shouldn't do that.
- 16:09He was passive. That wasn't gentleness.
- 16:12That was parental and pastoral negligence.
- 16:15The sources use a really sharp phrase for this.
- 16:17They call it toxic empathy, where you affirm sinners and
- 16:20their destruction rather than loving them enough to call them
- 16:23to repentance. We have to steer clear of both
- 16:26of those ditches. We don't want to bully, but we
- 16:29don't want a coward either. A surgeon who is afraid to make
- 16:32an incision isn't gentle. He's committing malpractice, but
- 16:36a surgeon who cuts without any anaesthesia isn't a doctor.
- 16:39He's a torturer. We need the skilled, gentle
- 16:42hand. The sources also identify some
- 16:44modern cultural idols that make this really hard for us.
- 16:48Specifically, the first one is the CEO model.
- 16:51This is rampant in the church today.
- 16:53We treat the church like a business.
- 16:54We value efficiency metrics results.
- 16:57And if you're focused on quarterly growth and market
- 17:00share, gentleness just looks inefficient.
- 17:03Correct. Patients takes too long.
- 17:05If you treat sheep like employees, you fire the slow
- 17:08ones. You manage them out.
- 17:09You say you aren't contributing to the vision, so you need to
- 17:12go. But you can't do that in a
- 17:13family. You don't fire your kids for
- 17:15being slow. Then there's the influencer
- 17:16model. Outrage as a virtue.
- 17:18If you are quarrelsome on social media, you get clicks, you get
- 17:21followers. The algorithm loves a fight, so
- 17:24we platform people who have the exact spirit Paul prohibits in
- 17:27an elder. And we call it prophetic
- 17:29courage. We do, but often it's just
- 17:32fleshly anger dressed up in a robe.
- 17:34We're training a generation of young men to think that being a
- 17:36leader means owning people on Twitter.
- 17:39Which is tragic. It's just tragic because you
- 17:42cannot shepherd a pixel. You have to shepherd a person
- 17:45face to face. And the third idol mention is
- 17:48mystical authoritarianism, the. God told me, Leader.
- 17:51The one who claims to have a direct private line to God that
- 17:55no one can question. And that is a way of bypassing
- 17:58scripture to dominate people. It's a trump card.
- 18:00You can't argue with me because God told me that shuts down the
- 18:04conscience. It is the exact opposite of the
- 18:07gentle elder who persuades people via the open Bible.
- 18:10It's a form of spiritual abuse. OK, let's try to get really
- 18:13practical here, Section 5 case studies, because it's one thing
- 18:17to be gentle when everyone agrees with you and everything's
- 18:19going well. Gentleness is proven under
- 18:21pressure. Anyone can be gentle when
- 18:23they're getting their way. The first distinction the
- 18:26sources make is between how you handle sheep and how you handle
- 18:29wolves. This is critical.
- 18:30This is polemics one O 1. You have a text like Temple
- 18:33Timothy 2.25 which tells the servant of the Lord to correct
- 18:37his opponents with gentleness. OK, but then you have Titus
- 18:401.13. Which says to rebuke them
- 18:43sharply. So which is it?
- 18:45Gentle or sharp? How do you know which one to
- 18:47use? You have to look at the object.
- 18:49Who are you talking to? To the sheep?
- 18:52The struggling, wandering, confused believer in the flock.
- 18:55You use gentleness. Your goal is restoration.
- 18:58You don't break the bruised Reed.
- 18:59But to the wolf. The false teacher, the one who
- 19:02is actively trying to devour the flock.
- 19:04You rebuke sharply. The goal there isn't
- 19:07restoration, it's protection. You use the shepherd's staff to
- 19:10beat the wolf, not to beat the sheep.
- 19:12And the big mistake is mixing them up.
- 19:14Yes, treating sheep like wolves, mauling the injured brother
- 19:17because he asked a dumb question, or just as bad,
- 19:20treating wolves like sheep, letting them dine on the flock
- 19:23because you want to be nice. OK, so let's walk through case
- 19:25study. One rebuke.
- 19:28What does a gentle rebuke actually look like in practice?
- 19:31I think the best way to think of it is as medical, not punitive.
- 19:35Like the surgeon analogy you used earlier, Yes.
- 19:37A gentle rebuke addresses the sin without attacking the
- 19:41dignity of the person. It doesn't use shame as a weapon
- 19:44to control them. So no sarcasm, no exaggeration.
- 19:47No, you always do this or you never listen.
- 19:50It avoids belittling. It says, brother, I love you.
- 19:53This behavior is wrong and it's hurting you and I want you back.
- 19:56I am for you, but I am against the sin in your life.
- 19:59Case study two discipline Church discipline is.
- 20:03A really heavy topic. It is.
- 20:05It's one of the hardest things that church has to do, and the
- 20:07tone makes all the difference in the world.
- 20:09It should be marked by grief. Not triumph.
- 20:12Never triumph. An elder should never sound like
- 20:14a judge who is enjoying handing down a sentence.
- 20:16He should sound like a father who is losing a child.
- 20:19The tone should be this hurts me more than it hurts you.
- 20:22Or at least this hurts me because I love you and we're
- 20:25doing this because we want you to wake up.
- 20:27If there's even a hint of vengeance, or I told you so in
- 20:30the tone, it is not the discipline of Christ.
- 20:32It's just payback. OK, case study three leading
- 20:36change. This is where a lot of friction
- 20:38happens in churches. A pastor comes in, he wants to
- 20:41move the church in a new direction.
- 20:43Maybe he wants to change the music style, or the liturgy, or
- 20:45the church's governance. And the temptation for a strong
- 20:48willed leader is to be a bulldozer.
- 20:50Get on board or get out of the way.
- 20:52So how does a gentle elder do it?
- 20:54Patient instruction He teaches. He allows time for consciences
- 20:58to be persuaded by Scripture. He realizes that people, real
- 21:02people, change slowly. He doesn't punish questions.
- 21:05He doesn't treat slowness as rebellion.
- 21:07That is a key phrase from the sources.
- 21:10Some sheep are just slow. They aren't rebels, they're just
- 21:13processing. They need time.
- 21:15The gentle leader waits. He matches his pace to the pace
- 21:18of the flock that. Requires a lot of trust in God's
- 21:20timing, not your own. It does.
- 21:22It means trusting the Holy Spirit to move people rather
- 21:25than your own force of personality or your clever
- 21:28arguments. So we've got the definition, the
- 21:30theology, the examples. Now let's talk about Section 6,
- 21:34evaluation and cultivation. If I'm a listener and maybe I'm
- 21:37looking for a new church, or maybe I'm on a pastoral search
- 21:40committee, how do I spot a gentle elder?
- 21:43The sources suggest a few practical tests.
- 21:46The first one is the reaction test.
- 21:48What happens when you tell him no?
- 21:50Exactly how does he behave when he's contradicted?
- 21:52Does he escalate? Does he get defensive?
- 21:55Does he attack the person instead of the idea?
- 21:58A man can seem very gentle when you're praising him.
- 22:00Everyone is gentle when they're being worshipped.
- 22:02The test is conflict. The test is disappointment.
- 22:05When things don't go his way, does the monster come out?
- 22:07OK. Second one, the home test.
- 22:09This comes straight out of First Timothy 3 versus 4 and five.
- 22:12The family is the primary proving ground for leadership.
- 22:15If he is polite in the pulpit, you know Mr. Rogers on Sunday
- 22:19morning, but he's a tyrant at the dinner table.
- 22:21He is disqualified. If his wife and his kids are
- 22:23walking on egg shells around him.
- 22:25That is a massive red flag. If his children are afraid of
- 22:28his temper, he cannot be a father to the Church of God.
- 22:31Period. Then there's the speech test.
- 22:33Does he use jokes that wound? Is he sarcastic?
- 22:37Does he consistently win arguments but lose brothers in
- 22:41the process? That's a stinging line, winning
- 22:43the argument but losing the brother.
- 22:45It happens all the time in theological circles.
- 22:47He destroys his opponent's logic, but he humiliates the
- 22:51person in the process. That is not epithea.
- 22:53And finally, the apology test. Can he say the words?
- 22:57Can he say I send with my tone? Not just I'm sorry you were
- 23:01offended by what I said, but a real admission was sinful.
- 23:05A gentleman is a repentant man. He knows his own heart is prone
- 23:08to wander, so he is quick to own his mess.
- 23:11Now, what about cultivation? Let's say there's a guy
- 23:14listening right now who is realizing, oh, I'm the striker,
- 23:17I'm the harsh guy. Is there hope?
- 23:19Can he change? Yes, absolutely.
- 23:22But not by willpower. You can't just white knuckle
- 23:24your way to gentleness. It is a fruit of the spirit.
- 23:26So it has to start with union with.
- 23:27Christ, it has to start with. Being conquered by Christ's
- 23:30love. When you finally realize how
- 23:33much mercy you have received, how gentle God has been with
- 23:36you, it becomes impossible to be merciless to other people.
- 23:39Forgiving people forgive people. That's the principle.
- 23:41And the source calls for mortification for killing the
- 23:45idols. What idols are we talking?
- 23:47About specifically the idol of control.
- 23:49The idol of pride. The deep, deep need to be right
- 23:53all the time. The gentleman has to die to his
- 23:56need to win. He has to trust that God is big
- 23:59enough to defend his own truth without our sinful anger.
- 24:02And there's a practical step. Mention too, slowing down James
- 24:06one point. 19 Be slow to speak. The sources note that most of
- 24:10our harshness comes from a failure of pace.
- 24:12We react instead of responding. We shoot from the hip.
- 24:15And we wound people. Unnecessarily slowing down, just
- 24:18taking a breath. It allows grace to catch up with
- 24:20our tongue. It gives us a second to ask, is
- 24:23what about to say helpful? Is it kind?
- 24:24Is it necessary? And finally.
- 24:26Accountability. You need a plurality.
- 24:28Of elders, you need other men around you who can look you in
- 24:31the eye and say hey, your tone in that meeting was off.
- 24:34Men who can correct. Each other without fear if you
- 24:37are the only. Voice or if you've surrounded
- 24:40yourself with yes men who are afraid of you, you will
- 24:42inevitably drift toward harshness.
- 24:45You need brothers who aren't impressed by you.
- 24:47We're coming to the end here. The actual The sources offer
- 24:51this beautiful final vision. They call the gentle Elder an
- 24:55eschatological signpost. That's a big theological.
- 24:58Word for a simple, beautiful truth.
- 25:00Eschatological just refers to the end times, the age to come,
- 25:05the new heavens and the new earth.
- 25:06Right and. In that coming Kingdom, the lion
- 25:09lies down with the lamb. There is no violence, there is
- 25:12no coercion. The war is over.
- 25:14So an elder who? Rules with Epicia is modeling
- 25:17the manner. Of the coming Kingdom.
- 25:18Right now in this fallen world, He is a little preview of
- 25:21heaven. When you are around him, you
- 25:23should get a taste of the peace that is coming for God's people.
- 25:26He's showing us what the King. Is like yes he is a.
- 25:29Signpost pointing to the Prince of Peace.
- 25:31So here's the final charge. From our deep dive today to the
- 25:34church, look for men whose firmness feels like safety.
- 25:39That is the goal. Firmness that feels safe, not
- 25:42soft, but safe to the aspirant. The guy listening who wants to
- 25:46be a leader someday. Do not seek to rule until you
- 25:50have been conquered by the gentle shepherd you cannot give.
- 25:53What you do not have if you haven't tasted his gentleness in
- 25:57your own soul, you will never be able to truly offer it to others
- 26:01and finally to. You the listener.
- 26:04Maybe you've been hurt by harsh leaders.
- 26:06Maybe you've been under a striker or a fighter in the
- 26:09church. The sources are so.
- 26:10Clear on this, they want you to know.
- 26:12Look past the under shepherd, look to Christ.
- 26:16He is truly gentle and lowly. The failure of a human leader
- 26:20does not change the heart of the King.
- 26:22That is a good word to end. On it's the only word that.
- 26:24Sustains us the velvet steel. Strength under control.
- 26:28It's what the Church needs. It's what Christ gives.
- 26:31Thanks for diving. Deep with us today.
- 26:32It's a pleasure. We'll see you next.
- 26:34Time.