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Chris Schembra: Serving Up Gratitude with a Bold Twist · The Bold Lounge

• 0:07
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_02: My name is Lee Burgist and I will be your host.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_02: If you're anything like me, you love hearing inspiring stories of people who have gone on bold journeys and made a positive impact in the world.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_02: This podcast is all about those kinds of stories.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_02: Every week we'll hear from someone who has taken a leap or embarked on an extraordinary journey.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: In addition to hearing their stories, we'll also learn about their bold growth mindset that they use to make things happen.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_02: Whether they faced challenges or doubts along the way, they persisted and ultimately achieved their goals.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_02: These impactful stories will leave you feeling motivated and inspired to pursue your own bold journey.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_02: I believe everyone has a bold story waiting to be freed.
• 0:50
  SPEAKER_02: Tune in and get ready to be inspired.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the Bold Lounge.
• 1:00
  SPEAKER_02: Today I have Chris Shembra.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_02: He is a Wall Street Journal best-selling author.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_02: He's written Gratitude Through Hard Times and Gratitude in Pasta.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_02: The USA today calls him the Gratitude Guru.
• 1:11
  SPEAKER_02: Importantly, he's also the founder and chief question asker of the 747 Gratitude Experience.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_02: This is an evidence-based framework used to strengthen client-in-team relationships in profound ways.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_02: He's used these principles spark over 500,000 relationships, serving Fortune 500, CEOs, Olympians, Academy Award winners, Grammy Award-winning number one recording artists, Super Bowl champions, and more.
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_02: Welcome, Chris.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me, Lee.
• 1:38
  SPEAKER_01: You and Maya really created a warm and welcoming environment for this conversation.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_02: I'm so excited to jump into some of the things that we're going to talk about today.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: And we're going to kick it off with boldness.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_02: And your definition of bold.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_02: What does that look like in the world of Chris Shembra?
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_01: Hmm.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, my my definition of bold would be to have the courage, bravery, and unyielding vulnerability to authentically live yourself and to go out of your way in the craziest of ways to help others live authentically themselves.
• 2:20
  SPEAKER_02: That's a great definition.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_02: I can definitely relate to a lot of pieces and parts of that.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_02: I think one of the things that you said that doesn't often come up is you use the word vulnerability.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_02: And I think being bold is a vulnerable state.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_02: Because it just if you think about just the different things you've done in your life and the things that you do, it's an ingredient I would definitely include in that definition myself.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: So I appreciate that.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_02: What is the first time based on your definition?
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_02: You can go back as far or as near or have a recency factor.
• 2:52
  SPEAKER_02: When was the last time or the one that comes to mind when you think about that definition of bold for you?
• 2:57
  SPEAKER_01: So the first or the last time that I was truly operating boldly, if I go back to when I'm young, what pops up?
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, where is my you know, my mind draws a blank when I think about the first time because I physically don't remember the majority of my childhood.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_01: So I would say that the first time that I really became bold was when I started to communicate the fact that I don't remember most of my childhood and the outpour and responses that I started to get when people realized that they weren't alone in not remembering large moments of their childhood.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_01: So when I was a kid, I was extremely rambunctious.
• 3:53
  SPEAKER_01: I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of five.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_01: And, you know, it was the start of the diagnosing period of ADHD.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_01: So there wasn't a ton of research out there yet.
• 4:08
  SPEAKER_01: And so the the majority of what their prognosis or what I should do about it is that they put me on the medication.
• 4:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I started my ADHD medication at the age of five.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: And I would stay on that medication until the age of 20 during my first stent in rehab when they weaned me off of it.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_01: And as a result of being on such high dosages of ADHD medicine from five to twenty, I mean 86 milligrams of Adderall per day.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Most kids take five.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's huge.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: I physically don't remember my childhood.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I think the boldest, the first time that I really truly authentically lived a bold life is when not only did I start communicating to other people that I didn't remember the majority of my childhood, but I actually started communicating that I was grateful that it happened.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_01: That not remembering 15 years of my childhood is actually the best thing that's ever happened to me.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_01: And that's the one of the boldest things I've ever done.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, for sure.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_02: So from the perspective of not knowing, there's actually a sense of I'll just say like protection or don't have to go there and and don't have to deal with some of it potentially, right?
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_02: I I don't know.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, but there's also a sense of you can also begin.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_02: You can begin wherever you want.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's one of my sayings to begin, begin.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_02: So at 20, you can begin again.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_02: You can start, you can go for it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_02: There is nothing also holding you back based on, oh, I heard or I can't or someone said, you know, seeing it in the light of a possibility versus something that is going to harm or hurt you for the rest of life is also a mindset, right?
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_02: So a mindset of, yeah, that that really sucks, right?
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_02: That that could be like something I stew on or think about or blame, but I'm not going to do that.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_02: That's that's what I'm hearing from you.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_02: Is that fair to say?
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I I you know I used to blame my parents.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_01: And then once I stopped blaming my parents, then I started blaming the doctors.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_01: And then once I stopped blaming the doctors, I started looking at it, you know, through through a positive lens.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_02: What can you learn, right?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_01: So luckily I I play in the kind of the field of positive psychology.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_01: And one of the wonderful research studies that we talk about often is a research study that was commissioned by a man named Philip Watkins out of Eastern Washington University.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_01: And he conducted a study that he calls grateful processing.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_01: And what he found is that when you assign a series of positive benefits to a negative autobiographical experience from your past that is some open, unprocessed, negative memory that's just floating around your brain, when you assign positive benefits to it and you give gratitude to it, it helps heal the wound.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_01: So most people, when something bad happens, most people just avoid thinking about it.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a coping mechanism, but ultimately it hinders you.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_01: The second thing that people might do about it is think about the unprocessed negative experience and then talk about it to a therapist.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_01: And that works.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_01: It works well.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_01: But what works even better is when you recollect the open autobiographical experience, you talk about it, you assign the positive benefits to it, and you be grateful for it.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_01: And you look at it not as the worst thing that ever happened to you, but you look at it as the best thing that ever happened to you.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: And that's that study of grateful processing that Philip Watkins studied.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: And in our most recent book, Gratitude Through Hard Times, which launched last year, we actually invented something we call the positive benefits checklist.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_01: Anybody who's listening to this, if you think of a negative experience from your past, you can look at it and put it into our positive benefits checklist to see if it's actually done more good than harm.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_01: You can ask yourself, did that negative autobiographical experience teach me compassion, empathy, positive lifestyle change, give me self-confidence or self-efficacy, help me bring my community closer together, help my family connect, help me make more money, inspire a shift of some kind.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_01: If you can say yes to more of those things than not, then whatever just happened taught you more things than it hurt you.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: And for that you could be grateful.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_01: So, so my bold move was looking at my 15-year memory gap loss, and not looking at it through guilt or shame or regret or wonder or blame or anger, uh, but looking at it through the lens of gratitude and being grateful that it occurred.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I'm I genuinely think had I not had that large trauma, that large neurological trauma, I would have not gone to rehab, not gone to jail, not had my non-suicidal self-injury episodes, not had this completely nonlinear life that brought me to the place I am today.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_01: What might have happened had I remembered my entire childhood and not had that neurological traumatic wound is I might have just gone on the straight and arrow and not questioned things in my life and just kept putting one foot in front of the other in a linear and logical path and maybe never experienced any of the things that I've experienced.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, that would have been a life, it just wouldn't have been this life that I have right now.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm yeah, super grateful for what I have right now.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I would say that bold life is not a straight line.
• 10:17
  SPEAKER_01: No, yeah, bold life is the opposite of straight.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: Bold life is kinky and curvy and weird and it goes backwards many, many times.
• 10:26
  SPEAKER_01: You gotta fall in holes to learn things.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's it's it's crazy.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_02: Not for the faint of art, but man, is it worth it?
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_02: Once you figure it out, and I think that's some of the things that I I hope I help people with is for them to be able to think about like, is this really what you want?
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_02: Is this really where you want to be?
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_02: Is this how you want to feel?
• 10:49
  SPEAKER_02: And if it isn't, or that if you feel there's more or it can be enhanced, then what could you do about it?
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_02: What could you take as a first step?
• 10:57
  SPEAKER_01: The thing that Lee's talking about is is the idea that you taking this chance and making this choice to go out and live a bold life, it's gonna be scary.
• 11:09
  SPEAKER_01: It's gonna require courage and bravery and vulnerability, and that's gonna that's really hard for a lot of people.
• 11:16
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, if it wasn't hard, everybody would live a bold life.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_01: You're teaching people how to do the hard thing.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_02: It involves fear.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_01: Overcoming your fear, which you help people with.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: That's a good thing.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_01: But what I'm saying to people is that this living your bold life is gonna be fraught with insecurity and posture and uncertainty.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_01: Sure.
• 11:34
  SPEAKER_01: Right?
• 11:35
  SPEAKER_01: The promise that your bold life will be there tomorrow is not a guarantee.
• 11:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so you won't be able to connect the dots looking forwards.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_01: You won't be able to guarantee the path of where you'll be tomorrow on this bold life.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: You will only be able to connect the dots looking backwards.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's one of Steve Jobs' most famous quotes.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_01: And we, it's an entire chapter in our book.
• 12:00
  SPEAKER_01: You can't connect the dots looking forward.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_01: You can only connect the dots looking backwards.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_01: And so, in order to live this bold life, you need to stay the course even when the odds are against you.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_01: And that's why having a good coach like Lee and reading good books and working on your development helps you keep that path because the the path's gonna look weird.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's not gonna be straight, you're gonna doubt it along the way.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_01: You're not gonna be able to connect those dots.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_01: You're only gonna be able to connect the dots looking backwards once you're living that bold life.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_02: One of the things you talk about, which has been like a pivot moment for you, a moment that kind of pushed you forward, because you didn't start out as the gratitude guru.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_02: You didn't start out as this phenomenal organization that works with top 50 companies in the world, helping them kind of work through that process that you just talked about of understanding what they have is more important than what they don't have.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_02: You talked about loneliness at a point, and I think that comes too.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_02: I think sometimes being bold can feel lonely.
• 13:07
  SPEAKER_02: People can people may not really get what you're doing, people may not want to.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_02: Not everyone's a pioneer, and a lot of people in this bold world feel like, yeah, I don't mind being the first person I'm gonna learn, yeah, I'm gonna get a bump or a bruise, but wow, I'm the first one there.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like, you know, sign me up.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_02: But not everybody jumps into that.
• 13:26
  SPEAKER_02: So I think when we think about loneliness and connection, I think that's one of the things too.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: It it's nice for people to know, and you've done this through your dinners, your 747 dinners, and your organization.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_02: But what do you think loneliness has to do with being bold?
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that's a great question, Lee.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_01: And by the way, you know, I don't think I don't think you listeners need to be a pioneer in order to be bold.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, don't think, you know, don't think that I'm trying to sit here and saying you need to be the first to market, you need to go out and invent something, and that's the only way that you'll live a bold life.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: Living a bold life can be as simple as just thinking differently and having a massive shift in perspective without really needing to change anything else in your life.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_01: But that's another bullet point that we'll cover.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_01: How does loneliness, yeah, how is it impacted by living a bold life?
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_01: Let's dissect what the world's going through right now.
• 14:21
  SPEAKER_01: The Surgeon General of the United States, Vivek H.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_01: Murphy, found that 51% of the American workforce reports being lonely on a consistent basis.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: That's equivalent to the reduction of lifespan of smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_01: 79% of the American workforce is actively disengaged at their job, 60% are emotionally detached, 19% are miserable.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_01: 76% of the American workforce reports at least one symptom of a mental health condition on a daily basis.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_01: How did we get here?
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_01: What were the things that were put in place that we are subjecting ourselves to that is leading to those kinds of human results?
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_01: Are we chasing the wrong things?
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Are we surrounded by the wrong people?
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_01: Are we thinking the wrong thoughts?
• 15:15
  SPEAKER_01: Are we worshiping the wrong gods?
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_01: Are we believing in the wrong science?
• 15:19
  SPEAKER_01: Like what are those things that have contributed to one of the world's loneliest societies?
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: And why does an entire society feel that way?
• 15:33
  SPEAKER_01: So that's the norm, us to feel detached, in conflict, angry, fearful, divided, distracted, mindless.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_01: We are a cog in someone else's machine.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: That's the norm.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_01: So being bold means doing something polar opposite of that.
• 15:55
  SPEAKER_01: Being bold means addressing those things.
• 15:58
  SPEAKER_01: Being bold requires doing a zig while everybody's doing a zag.
• 16:04
  SPEAKER_01: And anytime you do that in a small way or a big way, you're gonna stick out like a sore thumb.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_01: And that's a lonely place.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_02: It depends on how you use it.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I definitely agree that it can feel lonely.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_02: I've definitely felt lonely starting out as an entrepreneur.
• 16:19
  SPEAKER_02: People who I thought would help me didn't, people who I never thought would help me did, you know, like those learning moments in there.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_02: I think it's how you then use that feeling, right?
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: You definitely feel it, but then like your example of your bold, you know, your bold moment in your life, it's how you use it.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: Like you could use that feeling.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_02: I remember someone said, Lee, you need to slow your role on all this bold.
• 16:46
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, first of all, I don't even know what that means.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_02: Second of all, wow, that means I'm like, I have a hater.
• 16:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so I must be tapping into something because, like, you don't get to that point.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_02: Almost like I have an impact now if someone's filled by it.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, yeah.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm like, like, I'm just gonna shine brighter, you know.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: Oh yeah.
• 17:02
  SPEAKER_01: My friend Marissa, at the start of some of the workshops that she teaches, and she's a big executive at a huge 5,000-person company, huge company or 9,000, big, big company.
• 17:16
  SPEAKER_01: When she leads a workshop on some particular topics around compassion and empathy and gratitude and positive psychology, she actually starts by taking all the mean comments that people have commented on her articles in the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal.
• 17:35
  SPEAKER_01: She takes the mean comments and she passes them out to the people in attendance at her workshop without the attendees knowing that those are mean comments that the general public have said about articles that she's written.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: And she gets people in the workshop to go around reading the comments and then talking about who they think this person is that the public is giving criticism of, and what do you think that person's like?
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_01: And then by the end of them doing that, she stands up and says, By the way, all those comments are about me.
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_01: And let me teach you how I've used those criticisms as a fuel for my success.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_01: So totally, yeah, that's what motivates people.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 18:21
  SPEAKER_01: I I am of the true belief that massive change does not occur when your life looks perfect and you're pretending like everything's perfect and everything's just happy and dainty and woo-hoo-hoo.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_01: No, great change occurs when you acknowledge that there is something that needs to be changed.
• 18:42
  SPEAKER_01: You're not alone in that struggle, and there's a solution that you can bring to the table that requires bold action, and you go do something about that.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_01: But it's gonna be, you know, it's gonna be a tough, it's gonna be a tough challenge.
• 18:55
  SPEAKER_02: Let's talk about just the permission to think differently.
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_02: And it doesn't mean always more.
• 19:01
  SPEAKER_02: So that's one thing I teach people is like boldness or doing something different.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_02: You could be doing something less.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's the tough thing to do.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, because in our life, I think we're pre-wired, like more, more and more.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: But then, you know, I remember being asked this question one time when is enough for you?
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like one of my issues that I have that I will work on for probably the rest of my life is like I'm not sure I'm good enough every time I get to something.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I could be doing more, I could be doing it better.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_02: And I know where it comes from.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_02: It came from a place just as I was growing up of just really being able to excel, but not in a bad way.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: It was really meant in a positive way.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: But I think as I as I applied it to my life, I took it to an extreme of like not no matter what, name it, I could do better.
• 19:46
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's something that I own and and I'm working on and getting really I'm getting better at it, but I still have some stuff to do.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: But just being able to say that out loud and not to say, you know, my parents are still very good parents, and I'm you know, like I haven't been totally messed up.
• 20:01
  SPEAKER_02: But I mean, like for me, it's like something that I've been working on, but it's thoughts I've had, and I think people feeling like they have permission to think differently.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_02: If you want to do something differently, if you want to go somewhere, if you want to have a different role, or maybe go back to school, or maybe your relationship isn't as strong.
• 20:19
  SPEAKER_02: Like, what do you what are your thoughts with regard to gratitude and connection to just having the ability to think differently?
• 20:27
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, great, huge, huge, huge topics.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_01: You know, two topics within there.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_01: Bold does not equal more.
• 20:36
  SPEAKER_01: And how do you cultivate the ability to give yourself permission to think differently?
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_01: So boldness in my life sometimes does not require me to change anything about my life on the outside, it only requires me to change the way I think on the inside.
• 20:58
  SPEAKER_01: So I don't know you listeners, you know, I don't know who you are, I don't know what you've been through, but if you're anything like me, there is the odds that you tell yourself there is a way you should be thinking, should be feeling, should be goal setting, should be, should be, should be.
• 21:23
  SPEAKER_01: And then you know that there's a way that you just authentically think or authentically feel or authentically want to pursue.
• 21:32
  SPEAKER_01: And there's sometimes a misalignment.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_01: I should want to get married and have kids and have a thousand employees and accomplish all my life goal.
• 21:41
  SPEAKER_01: I should, right?
• 21:43
  SPEAKER_01: But what your body, what your soul is really saying is something different.
• 21:48
  SPEAKER_01: What it's really saying is no, I I actually want to like quit my job and go live on a boat in Costa Rica.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_01: I really want to quit my high power.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_01: Corporate job and open up a bake shop.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_01: I really want to take a stand against injustice in the world, but I don't have the courage to do it.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_01: Sometimes you don't need to do any action on any of those authentic dreams.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_01: You just need to give yourself permission to think about them, to dream about them, to acknowledge them.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've got some weird thing that you like thinking about.
• 22:29
  SPEAKER_01: Maybe you've got some, you know, weird thing that you could never talk to your friends about.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_01: Give yourself permission to think about those weird things and know that they are some of the most beautiful parts about you.
• 22:44
  SPEAKER_01: For example, I have a real interesting relationship with money.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_01: I got money and security off the Wazoo.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_01: And I've been programmed.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_01: I should sell this thing.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_01: I should do this thing.
• 22:59
  SPEAKER_01: I should sell to them.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_01: I should, should, should.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_01: But really, what my authentic yet weird thing to think about is I'd rather just downsize my whole life and give away my services for free and only charge on occasion and live a pretty frugal existence.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_01: And that's really weird when everybody is talking about wanting to make more money, achieve more profits, grow their company, grow their career.
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_01: Everybody's doing that.
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_01: And I'm thinking the polar opposite.
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_01: Just me giving my permission myself permission to think about that.
• 23:39
  SPEAKER_01: And then just me telling you about it is bold.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_01: That doesn't mean I have to do anything about it.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to close down my company.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to sell my home.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to downsize and go live on a farm and work for free.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: I don't have to do that.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_01: But just giving myself permission to think about it and then maybe telling one other person about it is making a bold, bold, bold action.
• 24:06
  SPEAKER_02: 14,000 people.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_01: Or 14,000 people, exactly.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_01: See, bold does not have to equal doing more.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_01: Many people are probably in your Instagram or TikTok feed saying, let's 10x your revenue.
• 24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Let's take that bold action.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_00: Let's achieve outsize business results.
• 24:28
  SPEAKER_00: Let's have this time management thing that's gonna bring your life to the next level.
• 24:34
  SPEAKER_00: Be bold, do more.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_01: I think the bold action is doing less.
• 24:40
  SPEAKER_01: And so does Lee.
• 24:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm not on TikTok or Instagram.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's it's a whole thing.
• 24:46
  SPEAKER_01: So so most people walk around this planet with an infinite abundance mindset, thinking they can get anything accomplished if they set their mind to it.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_01: They will have all the time in the world to achieve all of their dreams.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_01: That's what society is putting advertisements to so that we buy into their coaching programs.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_01: That's what the marketplace wants us to think.
• 25:16
  SPEAKER_01: Go spend your entire life savings trying to learn this new approach at Grant Cardone's summit or Tony Robbins' summit.
• 25:26
  SPEAKER_01: So you can go out and do anything that you ever wanted to do.
• 25:28
  SPEAKER_01: Don't forget the jet and all the other stuff that Yeah, go out and do.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_01: Buy the jet, buy the house, live it.
• 25:34
  SPEAKER_01: But I actually prescribe to a different way of thinking.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_01: Being bold is saying no to things that don't serve you.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_01: Being bold is actually focusing in on just doing one thing and asking yourself, what is the one thing I need to do today so that everything else would be unnecessary?
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_01: And embracing your finitude.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_01: Being bold is realizing we have a limited amount of time on this planet.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_01: So be bold enough to say no to the things that you don't need to spend your time doing so that you can focus more on what it is that actually fulfills you, that brings you purpose.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_02: That matters.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_01: That matters.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, I remember Sunday of January 23rd, 24th, or 25th of 2016.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_01: I was snow sledding with my friend Dave and his family and friends in Central Park.
• 26:34
  SPEAKER_01: And after snow sledding, we go up to Dave's house on 57th Street and 7th Avenue in New York City.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_01: And Dave's a very successful guy.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_01: He's built a couple thousand-person company.
• 26:46
  SPEAKER_01: He sold that company.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_01: He's living a good life.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_01: And he looks at me and he says, So, you know, what bold action are you going to take next in your life?
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: I had just removed myself from running my theater company.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_01: I had achieved success there.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_01: I'd achieved success in maybe four different avenues through four different companies.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: And I could do whatever I wanted to do next.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_01: And he said, You can't do them all, right?
• 27:13
  SPEAKER_01: Focus equals growth.
• 27:14
  SPEAKER_01: You can't chase two rabbits at the same time, they'll both get away.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_01: So the weak action to do would have been to pursue them all and multitask the heck out of my life.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: The bold action was to choose.
• 27:28
  SPEAKER_01: The bold action was to only pick one.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: The bold action was to do less.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_01: And the thing that I picked is ultimately the thing, the company that I'm still running, and it was the best decision of my life.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 27:46
  SPEAKER_01: It was bold to say, gosh, I picked one, and when times are tough, I can't go to the other options to fill in the gaps.
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_01: I can only do this one thing.
• 27:59
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta do less.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_01: That was the bold action.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: Did you have like a gut feeling?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and I don't know if this is about the time that you talk about when you came home from Rome and you had been like immersed in the history, the art, the food, which I can only imagine is incredible.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_02: But you came back and you didn't feel, even though you're very successful, as success would be defined maybe by the world, but you weren't feeling.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_02: Was there a gut feel?
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: Was there just like I'm gonna take time to look at this?
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: What was that process that you went through?
• 28:28
  SPEAKER_02: That choice to do less.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so what Lee is talking about is a moment in my time.
• 28:36
  SPEAKER_01: If you looked at my life in the year 2015, yeah, it didn't look too dissimilar from all of you in this call.
• 28:44
  SPEAKER_01: I had a job, I had a roof over my head, nice people had said nice things about me.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: A lot of happy pictures of you.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, a lot of nice uh happy pictures, cool, great, nifty.
• 28:55
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, it was May of 2015, that year.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_01: I had just come back from producing a Broadway play in Italy.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_01: And when I arrived home to New York City, I realized that what my life looks like on the outside is different than what my life feels like on the inside.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_01: In that moment, I realized I was lonely, disconnected, overwhelmed, insecure, feeling like an imposter, completely lost.
• 29:26
  SPEAKER_01: Again, life looked great on paper.
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: On the inside, I was screaming.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: And that's not a good look for me.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: Last time I had felt all those things at once was in my early 20s.
• 29:39
  SPEAKER_01: It led me down a deep dark path of non-suicidal self-injury, depression, jail, rehab.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I knew if I didn't get my stuff together quick, I was liable to do some bad things.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_01: So I thought, what was it about my time in Italy that really woke me up to the potential of life?
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_01: What was it that helped me start living?
• 30:04
  SPEAKER_01: Was it how they walked down the streets, those thousand-year-old streets?
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 30:09
  SPEAKER_01: Was it how they watched the sunset on Ponte Umberto near Castel Santangelo?
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_01: Was it how they honored history?
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_01: No.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_01: It was how they ate their food amongst their friends, in community, to the wee hours of the morning.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_01: And I said, that's it.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_01: I gotta bring that back home to New York City.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_01: I got home to New York to my, at the time, 350 square foot studio apartment on the upper west side of Manhattan, and I invented a pasta sauce recipe.
• 30:45
  SPEAKER_01: And it was a decent pasta sauce recipe, but I figured I should feed it to people to see if it was really good or not.
• 30:51
  SPEAKER_01: And I started hosting dinner parties.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_01: Every week, once a week, 15 friends that didn't know each other would show up to my home with a bottle of wine ready to have some pasta sauce.
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: And at each one of those dinners, I'd ask a series of questions, I'd facilitate a safe space, I'd get people vulnerable as heck, make them feel safe, make them feel heard, and everybody cried.
• 31:20
  SPEAKER_01: They loved the pasta sauce, so we kept doing it.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_01: And one day I woke up realizing I found joy.
• 31:26
  SPEAKER_01: One day I woke up realizing that all those years spent in rehab wasn't the solution.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_01: It was just a distraction.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_01: The opposite of addiction is not sobriety, it's human connection.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I felt it.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: I actually felt it.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_01: I'd read about it in books.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_01: I'd been lectured about it by teachers.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: But in that moment, 2 a.m.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_01: on a Monday in February of 2016, Lee, I felt it.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_01: And when I felt it, I realized this is what I needed to do for the rest of my life.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_01: And the bold action there was just listening to myself, it acknowledging that whatever emotion that was coming up in that moment in my gut, I had to run with.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 32:31
  SPEAKER_02: You know, I think that's one thing that I've seen through the bold tables.
• 32:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I created those because one, I hate networking events, and I like to also have a space where I feel safe and comfortable and can have a deeper conversation and get to know someone and hopefully stay connected to them for not just the moments that we're together or when I need a job or can you look at my CV?
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I just that's it's good.
• 32:55
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not saying those are bad things, but like I'm just looking for the deeper things.
• 32:58
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a very big introvert, but I don't mind talking in groups or anything like that.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_02: It's more so like where I power up and where I get my energy.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: So I wanted to create that space, particularly for women.
• 33:08
  SPEAKER_02: So I just wanted people to feel like they could be in a safe space and have a conversation and stay connected.
• 33:14
  SPEAKER_02: So your sauce has brought together over half a million people and growing, and then now become this incredible tool that people can use, a framework for understanding what they should have gratitude for.
• 33:27
  SPEAKER_02: When someone wants to make the first step, and as we kind of close out, what is your advice?
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_02: You know, whether they have fear or they're ashamed or they're not someone will understand, what's your guidance for them to just keep going, keep thinking, take a step?
• 33:43
  SPEAKER_02: What may be best for them?
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_01: Simple four pillars.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_01: Number one, if you're listening to this, I want you to come into the present and answer this one question.
• 33:53
  SPEAKER_01: What's one word that honestly describes how you feel right now in the moment?
• 34:00
  SPEAKER_01: Just you thinking about that, just you taking a moment of pause is the first step of you living your bold life.
• 34:09
  SPEAKER_01: Number two, I want you to think back into your past and I want you to answer this specific question, right about it, if you need to.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_01: If you could give credit or thanks to one person in your life that you don't give enough credit or thanks to, or that you've never thought to thank, who would that be?
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_01: Answering that question authentically will help you along your path of shifting from a mindset of what you lack into a mindset of appreciating what you have.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_01: It's an attitude of gratitude.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_01: Then I want you to go out and I want you to thank that person.
• 34:49
  SPEAKER_01: But thank them in the language that they like to receive it.
• 34:52
  SPEAKER_01: Take the time to understand.
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_01: Do they like receiving gifts?
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_01: Do they like receiving acts of service, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation?
• 35:00
  SPEAKER_01: Give this gratitude in the language the recipient likes to receive it, not what's most convenient for you to give it.
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_01: That's step two on living your bold life.
• 35:09
  SPEAKER_01: Step three, I want you to turn on the brain to actively listen and go out and ask meaningful questions to others.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_01: It's my thought that we live a pretty superficial, very surface level life.
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_01: How many times do you go to connect with someone and all you do is ask them, so what do you do?
• 35:26
  SPEAKER_01: Or someone asks you the question of how are you?
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_01: and you say, fine.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_01: Let's go one step deeper.
• 35:32
  SPEAKER_01: Let's really, really, really go out and ask people some open-ended, inquisitive questions that start with what or how.
• 35:41
  SPEAKER_01: And then just shut up and listen.
• 35:43
  SPEAKER_01: Don't rebut with your own story.
• 35:46
  SPEAKER_01: Just take the time to keep asking them meaningful, meaningful questions, and you will start to empathize with others that you're different from.
• 35:55
  SPEAKER_01: That's step three in living your bold life.
• 35:57
  SPEAKER_01: And number four, let's commit to creating a safe space for people to gather.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_01: My vehicle was the dinner table.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_01: Lee's is through the dinner table and through her retreats.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_01: I want you, I want you to go out and think about what are four people that you can invite to your house six weeks from now that have never met each other that you wouldn't normally bring together for a dinner party.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_01: Just create the safe space for diverse individuals to come together in a meaningful way is step four along the way of you living your bold life.
• 36:29
  SPEAKER_02: Those are excellent steps.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_02: There's more information around Chris, his connections, as well as to his books and the 747 Club.
• 36:37
  SPEAKER_02: I think you should all take a listen and hear more about what he has to offer.
• 36:41
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you so much, Chris, for being on the Bold Lounge.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for having me, Lee.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you for listening to the Bold Lounge Podcast.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_02: Through the continuum of bold stories, vulnerability to taking a leap, you will meet more extraordinary people making a positive impact for others through their unique and important story.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_02: By highlighting these stories, we hope to inspire others and share the journey of those with a bold mindset.
• 37:06
  SPEAKER_02: We hope you've enjoyed this podcast and look forward to sharing the next bold journey with you.