Latest / The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show / Episode 18, Season 1: How to Handle the Haters

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Episode 18, Season 1: How to Handle the Haters · The Dr. Sarah Hensley Show

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the Love Dog Podcast. I'm your co host
• 0:11
  Speaker 1: Rain of Butcher here with our host, doctor Sarah Hensley.
• 0:14
  Speaker 2: Hello.
• 0:14
  Speaker 1: Hello. Before we get started, of course, we want to
• 0:18
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• 1:53
  Speaker 2: Thank you Cozy Earth.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: So episode eighteen, Yes, I'm excited about this. Yeah, which
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: is how to handle the haters?
• 2:04
  Speaker 2: Okay, let's talk about it, because.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: You're better at it than me.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Well, it's you can't build a large platform and not
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: have people hate on you. Yeah, it's impossible. There is
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: no way to please everyone. And we decided to have
• 2:24
  Speaker 2: this topic today because we got a review on our
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: podcast that was a little bit of a hater.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: It was, and I'll be I'll be honest, like it
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: hurt my feelings, and I and I.
• 2:35
  Speaker 2: Try it's not hurt my feelings. I know you have more.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Practice than me. I'm new, I'm new with this, so
• 2:42
  Speaker 1: but it did. It hurt my feelings, And I'm like,
• 2:45
  Speaker 1: after I read it, I kind of like gave it
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: the Trump face, you know, Like, but then I sat
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: there and.
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: Not an opinion about Donald No, no.
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: That is not. Let me be clear, that is not.
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: It's just everybody knows the Trump face. It's just a
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: reference to his you know. And that's kind of how
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: what my reaction was. But then I sat there and
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: I thought about it, and the reason why I was
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: hurt by it is because I don't care what you
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: say about me, but you start saying something about somebody
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: I love, then it hurts. Right, So they made you know,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: she made hear she. I don't know what their gender was,
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: but of course they made comments about you. And then
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: they made a comment about my husband, which.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: You don't go there. Okay, you talk about our family, and.
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: I know that I've been candid, but that's part of
• 3:35
  Speaker 1: our platform, right right, our platform.
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: I built this entire platform based on yes, my education,
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: but also my personal experiences overcoming trauma and my own
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: personal romantic relationships and what I learned the hard way, right,
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: And I feel like I did the work so that
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: you don't have to you don't have to flounder in
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: your relational trauma because I already did that for you,
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: and then I created a platform with the tools that
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: will absolutely help you heal from your relational trauma.
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: It's your mission, it's your call, it's my calling.
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: And so you know, when you go after people that
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: we love, that we talk about in these experiences, it
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: does affect us. It's hard to not take.
• 4:20
  Speaker 1: It first well, because like I told you, like cause
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: again and it's referenced to like one of the first
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: or second episodes that we did where I talked about,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: you know, the ongoing conflict of the Josh and I've had,
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: you know, over the course of our relationship, and it's
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: the same fight. Yeah, and usually, and I think I
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: prefaced it with this, like we haven't had the fight
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: in a long time, but every time we would, there
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: was always alcohol involved. Not that that's an excuse, but
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: there was always alcohol involved, and so it was like
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: it I never wanted to give off that my husband
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: was a jealous husband.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: Because he's not at all like such at all.
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: He is like cool as a freaking cucumber. He is awesome.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: He he is the person that helps regulate me. He
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: is the person that born security. I've talked about that,
• 5:06
  Speaker 1: he's the person that talks me off the litch. He
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: is not a jealous husband. It's just that I feel
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: like alcohol amplifies at times some of his insecurities for sure.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I mean they call it spirits for a reason, like
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: it brings out like that's the devil, you know. And
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: so I think I would like to just address the.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Very meansh We can read it if y'all want us to, okay.
• 5:32
  Speaker 2: So, like the preface of the whole review was that
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: we focus too much on heterosexual relationships and that we
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: don't talk about gender, and we don't talk about non
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: heterosexual relationships a lot. And here's the thing. The reason
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: that we don't talk about those things is not because
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: we're not accepting of them. We welcome them. We love everybody.
• 5:53
  Speaker 2: I mean, I take that seriously. When Jesus said love
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: thy neighbor, I take that seriously. That means my gay
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: neighbor my trans gender neighbor, everybody, right, And but attachment
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: style has nothing to do with gender or the type
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: of relationship you're with. It is static and steady across
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: you know, relationships and gender. So a dismissive avoidant female
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: is going to act very, very, very similar to a
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: dismissive avoidant male.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: Whether she's married to a male or female.
• 6:25
  Speaker 2: I have had, you know, wonderful couples, a lesbian couple
• 6:29
  Speaker 2: that I can think about off the top of my
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: head that I've worked with for you know, on and
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: off for a couple of years now, where they come
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: in for a refresher session every now, and you know,
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: they're fabulous and they're amazing, and the attachments, the attachment
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: dynamic is exactly the same as if they weren't. I mean,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: they were both fa and so it was like, okay,
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: two fas is going to be the same in a
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: lesbian couple as it's going to be in a heterosexual couple.
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: So I don't feel the need to make that differentiation
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: because there's no difference, right. That's why attachment theory is
• 7:01
  Speaker 2: the bomb, right.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Don't get into that. And now, you know, and as
• 7:06
  Speaker 1: I sit here, I kind of get upset because I'm like,
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: this is the problem. It's stuff like that that forces
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: people to bring up the issue when it was never
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: an issue to begin with, right, We've never I mean, yes,
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: we talk about our heterosexual relationships because this is a
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: podcast where we're talking about personal experiences and we're heterosexual women,
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: so of course we're going to pull in from our
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: own personal experiences through that lens. But we welcome anyone
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: in anyone.
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I say, there's only two types of people. I
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: don't wouldn't feel comfortable working with the satanist because that
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: is in direct contradiction to my Christian beliefs. And polyamorous couples,
• 7:51
  Speaker 2: just because I don't know much about polyamorous and I
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: chose not to study it. It was not something that
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: came up a lot in my field of study.
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: And about that for people who don't know it, that
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: is that.
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: Is when you are in a re exclusive relationship with
• 8:04
  Speaker 2: more than one person, so you're in like a throuple,
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: right where there's like three people. I just don't have
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: enough knowledge to help those individuals, so I wouldn't feel
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: like I would be doing them a service. I have
• 8:15
  Speaker 2: an opinion, right, Yeah, I mean, my personal opinion is
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: good luck.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Yeah that doesn't work.
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's my personal opinion. But I honestly don't have
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: enough experience and I'm just not here to judge. Like
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: that works for you, great, but I'm probably not the
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: provider that's going to be able to give you the best.
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: Let me reword of it. I don't want to say
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: that doesn't work, because sometimes maybe it does work for people.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: It just wouldn't work for me. He's I ain't about
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: sharing my husband. Okay, So and the.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: Thing, and I think that this person that left the
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: review really went in depth about us having some Christian viewpoints.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: And here's what I'll say about that. I apologize none
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: for my faith. God put me here. God saved me
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: from the absolute pit of hell. The devastation and trauma
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: experienced in my life I would not have been able
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: to get over. I probably would have committed suicide had
• 9:03
  Speaker 2: God not found me and brought me out of the
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: pit of hell and continues to bless me and continues
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: to glorify my work and has put this calling on
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: my life that I wholeheartedly believe. My life's mission is
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: to help people love in a way that makes God proud.
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 9:18
  Speaker 2: Now, does that mean that if you work with me,
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: we have to talk about Christian things? No, I have
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: all the psychology in the world for anybody of any
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: other faith or no faith.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: And you make that really clear in your website that
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: you have a faith perspective and you have a very
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: secular perspective. And it's really up to your client. Up
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: to the client which direction they want to go.
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: And I've had plenty of clients say, you know what,
• 9:39
  Speaker 2: I'm a strong Christian. I want to know the spiritual
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: side of this, because really what I'm able to give
• 9:46
  Speaker 2: is this merging of science and faith. Instead of science
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: contradicting faith. What I've found is that science actually runs
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: extremely parallel to what Scripture says. Right, let's just take
• 10:00
  Speaker 2: you know, the medicognitive work that I teach. Well, you
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: know Tewod Corinthians ten to five says that we demolish
• 10:07
  Speaker 2: every pretense that you know goes against the word of God,
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: and we take captive every thought and make it obedient
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: to Christ. Well, the cognitive tools that I teach are
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: all about thought capturing and thought reframing and making them
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: true and making them productive. And so you know, God
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: tells us to monitor our thoughts, and it just happens
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: to be that psychologists think that that's a huge way
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: to start to regulate your nervous system and to start
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: to become more secure in your attachment.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: And that's exactly how you handle the haters right there
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: through that description, right right, And I'll admit, like again,
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: back to this one review, and there's a I know
• 10:47
  Speaker 1: you have a ton of examples, right, so many, Yeah,
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: but you know I kind of had to like sit
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: back and and tell myself, Hey, it's one person, right,
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: it's one person. But I know, like I told you,
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: I never want to give the indication, even to one
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: single soul in this universe that my husband is not
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: the most amazing person on the face of the planet,
• 11:11
  Speaker 1: because in my eyes he is, for sure he is.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: And so I hate that I depicted in any way,
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: shape or form that he was jealous or that he
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: was making the decision for me not to have a baby,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: like that's what he or she said in this review too,
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: like something about like an and then the friend who
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: has all the red flaggy antidotes about her jealous husband
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: and how he's controlling her whether to have a baby,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: or not, and I was like, wait, what, No, that
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: is not like the picture that I'm trying to pate
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: my husband at all.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: And I think that that brings up a really good
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: point about one. A lot of haters, they a lot
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: of it is ignorance. Yeah right, it's ignorance, like they
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: have a limited it's a very mirrow, like some snippets
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: of what you said, and they can take it through
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: their own lens.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: A lot of hate is just ignorance. I mean, I
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: have people stop by my platform all the time. Let's
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: say I do a video on how das are somehow
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: problematic in their relationships because they are, right, I will
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: inevitably get a few people being like you always hate
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: on the DA. Then I'll make a video giving empathy
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: to the DA and trying to explain to people how
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: their trauma response is not necessarily any better or worse
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: than anyone else's trauma response. It's still a trauma response.
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: And then I'll get somebody saying they're awful people. You
• 12:35
  Speaker 2: give them way too much credit. You're giving them a pass.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: So I'm not going to be able to please everybody.
• 12:40
  Speaker 2: It's right, I just have to show up authentic and
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: what I have learned in my journey is that showing
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: up authentic in your life and especially in your relationships
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: is the most regulating thing you can do for your
• 12:55
  Speaker 2: nervous system, and a regulated nervous system is the key
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: to secure attachment. But we allow people to justysregulate us
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: because we allow their opinions to hold so much weight.
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: And I always think about, I can't remember who said it,
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: so I'm sorry, I'm not trying to steal your quote.
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: Whoever said this? Somebody else said it, not me. But
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: it's like the funeral analogy, Like if they wouldn't show
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: up to your funeral, you shouldn't care what they have
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: to say, right, if they wouldn't grieve your death, then
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: they shouldn't matter to you. And so in my life,
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: I really my circle is so small. I have my family,
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: and I have a big family because we have four children.
• 13:32
  Speaker 2: My husband is my best friend, you're my other best friend,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: and I pretty much that's it. Yeah, that's pretty much it.
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: And is that the most peaceful, happy place to be
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: in my life that I've ever experienced. Yes, I have
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: absolutely no problems with not having a big friend group. Well, absolutely,
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: I don't have time for a lot of friends. I
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: don't have time, and I've lost friends in this journey.
• 13:55
  Speaker 1: Well, and that's what I was going to say. The
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: reason why. You know, I think as we get older
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: and reach these new levels of consciousness and stop being
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: these perpetual people pleasers and actually learn how to set boundaries,
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: that starts to make other people feel really uncomfortable.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it does, and that's.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: When your circle gets smaller. It is, and that's why
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: it's okay.
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: And I have two good friends in the last two
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: years that I set boundaries with, Yeah, and they did
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: not take it well because their behavior wasn't okay and
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: it was hurting me. And I tried to state that
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: in the most respectful, loving kind way possible, but I
• 14:32
  Speaker 2: had to set those boundaries, and they did not respond
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: well to those boundaries. Because here's the thing. People don't
• 14:38
  Speaker 2: respond well to boundaries when they can't handle the truth
• 14:40
  Speaker 2: about their own behavior and when they can't take accountability
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: for their own behavior. And when you have to say
• 14:44
  Speaker 2: your behavior is hurting me, therefore I have to draw
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: this line and I have to protect myself from your behavior,
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: then you know they're not going to like that because
• 14:52
  Speaker 2: their inability to go, oh, what could I have done
• 14:55
  Speaker 2: and how could I have impacted someone else? Is limited.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: It's a reflection they're not ready to exactly.
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: And this is where I think it's really important to
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: point out that secure people focus on the impact that
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: they have on others and not their intentions, and insecure
• 15:10
  Speaker 2: people focus on their intentions not their impact. And so
• 15:14
  Speaker 2: I think this is important in relationships too. When you're
• 15:17
  Speaker 2: in a disagreement or an argument with somebody that you
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: love and that you care about, when you go in
• 15:23
  Speaker 2: immediately focusing in on your intentions, you become really defensive. Well,
• 15:28
  Speaker 2: I didn't intend for it to sound that way. I
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: didn't intend to hurt you, so therefore you shouldn't be hurt.
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: That's not the way we have to go about things.
• 15:35
  Speaker 2: We have to focus on how did I impact you first,
• 15:38
  Speaker 2: and let's soothe that and then we can talk about
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: what the intentions were behind those things, right. And I
• 15:43
  Speaker 2: always give this analogy of like, if you accidentally hit
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: someone with your car, which would be horrible. I hope
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: that never happens to anybody, and somebody's laying on the
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: ground bleeding, are you going to run up to them
• 15:55
  Speaker 2: and go, I didn't mean to hit you. I'm so
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: sorry I hit you. Or are you going to call
• 16:00
  Speaker 2: nine one and focus on the impact and their wounds right, right,
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: and caring and soothing for them from the impact.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: A great analogy, And we focus so much on the
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: physical impact but never really the emotional impact that we
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: have on others shoes.
• 16:15
  Speaker 2: That's right, And so I'm not saying that intention doesn't matter.
• 16:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, if you maliciously hit them, that's like
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: could be murder one versus like manslaughter if it was
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: an accident, And intention does matter. But what I'm saying,
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: in the immediacy of fixing an issue with someone that
• 16:31
  Speaker 2: comes up, focusing on impact first and taking accountability for
• 16:35
  Speaker 2: how you impacted them. Regardless if you agree that they
• 16:38
  Speaker 2: should have had that impact right or that they should
• 16:41
  Speaker 2: have interpreted it in the way that they did, It
• 16:44
  Speaker 2: doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is you hurt someone.
• 16:47
  Speaker 2: That's right, and so are you going to deal with
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: that problem by shoving in their face what your intention was,
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: which doesn't soothe the impact, or are you going to
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: jump in and say, let me take care of how
• 16:59
  Speaker 2: I impacted you first, and let me reassure you and
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: soothe you, and then when we're calm and we're regulated,
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: we can focus more on what the actual intention was
• 17:08
  Speaker 2: and how we can maybe prevent this from happening again.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah, this is why when I answer some of your messages,
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: I have to sit back and say, wws D, what
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: would Sarah do? Because I mean, we've talked about this.
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: I don't know if it's just the redneck in me,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: Like I got a little red in me, so like
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: I get really like, I mean, I'll get on a
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: soapbox when people say specific things like if it's a
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: really ignorant hater, like I'll here's what I'll say about
• 17:44
  Speaker 1: the review on the podcast. Not all of it was bad,
• 17:49
  Speaker 1: like she even he or she even said, like, you know,
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: there was some really great information and you know, I'd
• 17:55
  Speaker 1: listened to the first couple episodes and it was really
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: great and then you know, from from there it went downhill.
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: So like there was some positive feedback, but like the
• 18:04
  Speaker 1: really really bad comments that are just hateful and mean,
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: and somebody like that's just hiding behind a screen, just
• 18:12
  Speaker 1: trying to stir the pot. Sort of, That's when I'm like, oh, no,
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: you know, and then I'll like, I really had to
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: take a step back. I really do.
• 18:21
  Speaker 2: And here's how I think about things. It takes like
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: time out of someone's day to stop and write a
• 18:31
  Speaker 2: mean comment. I get mean comments on all my videos
• 18:33
  Speaker 2: all the time, occasionally, you know. And then the only
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: thing that really bothers me, Like if it's ignorant, I
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: don't care. But like, malicious intent does bother me, because
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: that's the devil. That's evil. Like malicious intent does not
• 18:50
  Speaker 2: come from God. It is not something that I can
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: take and use to have constructive feedback to grow and
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: to Because I don't pretend that I know everything, I
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: welcome feedback, even if it's not something that I love.
• 19:04
  Speaker 2: It allows me to think and to grow and to
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: consider right because I don't know everything right and I
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: don't pretend to know everything, and I know I'm not
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: going to be pleasing to everyone. And so if there's
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: something that I'm doing that is not pleasing to you know,
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: a large majority of people, and they're not going to
• 19:21
  Speaker 2: be therefore able to get the value out of what
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: I'm saying, I want to use that feedback and I
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: want to make changes and I want to grow. The
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: whole freaking platform is about growth and development, right, I'm
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: open to that, obviously, But when there's something that's malicious intent,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: like the guy who's like, you need to no job,
• 19:37
  Speaker 2: or you know you're fat, or you're ugly, or you're
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: stupid or oh, if you say something about my husband
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: on my TikTok, he's going to come for you.
• 19:49
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he will.
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: He will come for you, and he will come for
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: you hard. Because there is nobody on this earth that
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: is more defensive of me than my husband. And that's
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: something that I love.
• 19:57
  Speaker 1: That's the way it should be.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Because let me tell you, he's a purple heart, combat
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: wounded veteran who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, and he's
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: heavily decorated military. He served our country proudly, and he
• 20:11
  Speaker 2: has more trauma from the military and from placed life
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: in general, and he has thrived and he is one
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: of the most steadfast, loving, mature, capable human beings on
• 20:26
  Speaker 2: this planet. And we are so happy. Yeah that if
• 20:30
  Speaker 2: you mess with me, you've messed with him. Yeah, and
• 20:33
  Speaker 2: he is. He's like, I ain't got no platform. I'm
• 20:35
  Speaker 2: a retired veteran.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: Right right, I'm coming for you.
• 20:38
  Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like, I don't have a platform. I don't
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: have to be worried about nothing because I've got money
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: for the rest of my life, right, And if you like,
• 20:46
  Speaker 2: if you come for her, you're coming for me.
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think again, That's why I was so
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: hurt by the comment, because I was like, gosh, even
• 20:52
  Speaker 1: if I gave the indication in just one person's mind
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: that yeah, that Josh is like this this terrible person,
• 20:59
  Speaker 1: Like I don't like, he's so awesome. He's he's the
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: best partner I could have ever wished for, ever wished for.
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: I mean, he's Josh exceeds my expectations not to like.
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: And we're not trying to sit here and be like, oh,
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: you know, I mean, we talk about how great our
• 21:14
  Speaker 1: husbands are all the time, but it's because they are.
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: But we wouldn't have gotten those husbands if we hadn't
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: have done the work, that's right, And that's why we're
• 21:21
  Speaker 2: here talking about it. We're just in here like, oh,
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: we have great husbands and more amazing, all right. We
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: used to be crappy at relationships and then we did
• 21:29
  Speaker 2: the healing work. And because we did the healing work,
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: we attracted someone else who was also healed. That's right,
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: because secure always attracts secure.
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: And that's all we want for everybody else. All we
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: want whether you're transgender, homosexual, heterosexual, we don't care. We
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: just want we want everyone to have healthy love.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: One of my favorite clients of all time was a
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: beautiful transgender Yeah.
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you've talked about it.
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And he has left a testimonial on my website.
• 21:55
  Speaker 2: I don't know if he reveals in that I can't
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: remember if he reveals in that testing now that he's transgender.
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: But he was one of the most open and vulnerable
• 22:03
  Speaker 2: people who truly wanted to do the work then I've
• 22:05
  Speaker 2: probably ever seen. And I didn't have to talk to
• 22:09
  Speaker 2: him about any dynamics of being transgender because the focus
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: was on attachment. His attachment was going to be the
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: same whether he ever transitioned or not in his life,
• 22:18
  Speaker 2: and he did choose to transition, And at the end
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: of the day, if that's what makes him happy, who
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: am I to judge? Right? You know, I live my
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: life according to the way I think I should live
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: my life, and I think other people should live their lives.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: As long as you're not hurting anyone that's according to
• 22:35
  Speaker 2: how they think they should live their lives. And how
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: I live my life is choosing to talk about my
• 22:42
  Speaker 2: own personal experiences as well as my own personal faith.
• 22:45
  Speaker 2: And if that doesn't jive with someone, if somebody, you know,
• 22:48
  Speaker 2: here's me talking about Jesus and they're like, I don't
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: want to hear about Jesus, then you can turn it off.
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: So you can just hit a button, Just hit a
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: button and go somewhere else. That's fine, you know. But
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: God has called me to do what he acts, which
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: is to speak to the nations. That is actually biblical,
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: to speak to the nations. And I am going to
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: give God all the glory for everything that I have.
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: Everything that He has given me is all because of him.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: He led me to the tools, He was part of
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: the tools, and my life transformed. I mean, I am
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: a fundamentally different human beings. And you knew me on
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: both sides. You knew me as broken and secure, obsessive,
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: anxious Sarah, and then you've known me as secure, healthy, faithful, loving,
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: easygoing Sarah.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: They nighty.
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: And so when people hate from a healthy and healed perspective,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: you have to ask yourself the question, why does this
• 23:48
  Speaker 2: matter so much to me? Why does it matter so
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: much to me that somebody that knows nothing about my life,
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: somebody that does not pay my bills, somebody that does
• 23:55
  Speaker 2: not walk in my shoes, says about me. And at
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: the end of the day, I don't care. Now I
• 24:01
  Speaker 2: want to go back to malicious intent. I don't like
• 24:04
  Speaker 2: malicious intent. And one of the most recent traumas, I
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: should say a recent trauma. I don't have a lot
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: of recent traumas. I had actually three very blissful years
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: of no traumatization whatsoever, until somebody decided to be extremely
• 24:18
  Speaker 2: malicious towards my family, openly, in bad faith, malicious to
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: hurt me, to hurt my children, to hurt my husband.
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: And that wasn't okay. And I did regress a little bit,
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: and we talked about that. You noticed it, and you
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: were honest with me. You're like, your backsliding. Yeah, you
• 24:34
  Speaker 2: got to go back to square one. And I did.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: I had to go back to square one. And even
• 24:38
  Speaker 2: for someone who's done years and years of healing work,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: and I had to go back to square one. I mean,
• 24:43
  Speaker 2: it was a humbling experience.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know, and I think too, Like, regression
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: isn't always a bad thing, right, because it kind of
• 24:50
  Speaker 1: takes you back to it reminds you what it is
• 24:53
  Speaker 1: that you really need. And I think, I mean even
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: on the way here we were talking about it, you
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: were like, God pulled me out once again.
• 24:59
  Speaker 2: Immediately head, I'll tell you what, And this was just
• 25:02
  Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago. My rumination was out of control.
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: It was out of control because this is it's not
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: just this one time thing that happened. There's ongoing legal
• 25:16
  Speaker 2: consequences to what happened, so there's court appearances, so there's
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: lots of being immersed in this thing, right. So it's
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: not something that I can ever really feel like I
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: can step away from, right, But like my part is
• 25:35
  Speaker 2: kind of over and my husband's part is taking over.
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: And I had a very honest conversation with him where
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: I said, I have to pull back from this. I
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: have to pull back from thinking about this. I have
• 25:48
  Speaker 2: to pull back from because I am very much a
• 25:52
  Speaker 2: better paperwork person than my husband. So like all the paperwork,
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: I was keeping track of it, I was organizing it,
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: I was keeping track of it. Is you know, I
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: was doing the admin work and I looked at him
• 26:03
  Speaker 2: and I said, I think the admin work is over.
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: I think it's as organized as it can be. You
• 26:07
  Speaker 2: have to take it from here.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: That's why I told you, because I can't do it.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: You've done, you've done everything that you could possibly.
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: Do, and now it is literally out of my hands.
• 26:17
  Speaker 2: It's in the hands of others, attorneys, you judge, trust,
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: you know to a certain degree. Yeah, and and listen
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: when when it gets in the hands of those other people,
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: you have no control.
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: That's where your faith comes in.
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: And that is where my faith was. I mean, the
• 26:35
  Speaker 2: devil had me bad for a few weeks, bad, Like
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: I thought, how can someone do this to another person
• 26:42
  Speaker 2: and there is no consequence, no consequence, and not just
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: do it, but continuing to do it, like there's ongoing
• 26:51
  Speaker 2: malicious behavior. And it's just one of those things where
• 26:55
  Speaker 2: you think.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: Like how is that makes me question?
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: You know, well when, because when things happen in your
• 27:01
  Speaker 2: life that fundamentally disrupt the foundations of your life, it
• 27:07
  Speaker 2: is such a huge trauma. Right. It's the same as
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: if you found out your husband was having an affair.
• 27:12
  Speaker 2: And I've been there too, and a lot of times
• 27:15
  Speaker 2: when those situations happen. We stay in denial because we
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: know that if we come, if we face that truth
• 27:21
  Speaker 2: head on, our entire the structure of our life is
• 27:24
  Speaker 2: just demolished. Right, Nothing that we know to be true
• 27:27
  Speaker 2: is then true anymore. Right, And that was kind of
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: what happened here. And so luckily this wasn't any issue
• 27:36
  Speaker 2: between my husband and I. My husband and I are
• 27:38
  Speaker 2: rock solid. He didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: anything wrong. Nobody that was involved in this except the
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: malicious person, did anything wrong. But the aftermath of somebody
• 27:50
  Speaker 2: who is on going in terms of hurting you is
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: hard to cope with. And that's so much different than
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: someone saying something ugly about you on internet, all.
• 28:01
  Speaker 1: Right, that you don't ever have to think about again
• 28:03
  Speaker 1: or go into contact with again.
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: No, And so you know, I would love to talk.
• 28:08
  Speaker 2: We're going to have you know, Dana Doswell on coming up,
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: which I'm so excited about. Yeah, that's she's an expert
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: in nervous system regulation. She's an expert in trauma. And
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: you know, I know what retraumatization does to the brain.
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: But I had to for my own just sanity, I
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: had to look it up, right, And it was like, yep, yep, yep, yep.
• 28:27
  Speaker 2: Check check check check check check check. That's what was
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: happening to me. And so I had to pretend like
• 28:33
  Speaker 2: I was back there years and years and years ago
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: when my ex died and my mom had pancreatic cancer
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: and my DA couldn't deal with it and I lost
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: all my attachments in like a day, right, yeah, And
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: it was like what did I do? I went back
• 28:48
  Speaker 2: to my faith. But what my husband did, which was
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: what was really cool, is he recognizes, He's like, I'm
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: your covering. I'm actually responsible for you spiritually, and now
• 28:59
  Speaker 2: that I see that you're kind of spiraling, I have
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: to step in on your behalf and interceed on your behalf.
• 29:05
  Speaker 2: And he dead. And it grounded me enough to then
• 29:09
  Speaker 2: grab those tools right back and start using them over
• 29:12
  Speaker 2: and over and over again. And it was like daily
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: nervous system work. Daily. I'm still daily doing my nervous
• 29:19
  Speaker 2: system work.
• 29:19
  Speaker 1: That's what partners are for now, to keep going back here.
• 29:23
  Speaker 1: But again, that was another thing that the review said
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: was that here she didn't like how you emphasized the
• 29:31
  Speaker 1: importance of a man being the leader and a family.
• 29:36
  Speaker 1: Can I say something you can say whatever you want, because.
• 29:39
  Speaker 2: It's my platform. Guess what, guys, this is my platform
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: that I made based on the education that I worked
• 29:47
  Speaker 2: to pay for years and years, years and years of education.
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: I went to school for nine years that I paid for.
• 29:54
  Speaker 2: I worked. I had a job to pay for that
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: education and scholarships and Mamma, that I experienced. So whatever
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: I want to say, you can say it. I can
• 30:05
  Speaker 2: say it. And you know how wonderful that feels.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: And that's freeing, that's peace.
• 30:10
  Speaker 2: Men should be leaders of their wives. I'll say it again.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: Men should be leaders of their wives. But if you
• 30:21
  Speaker 2: are a crappy and controlling and awful leader, you will
• 30:25
  Speaker 2: have an awful marriage.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: What is so wrong with that?
• 30:28
  Speaker 2: I want to be led?
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: Do you want?
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: I don't want to think.
• 30:32
  Speaker 1: I know, I don't think all day. I have to.
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: I have to. I have to think so critically about
• 30:38
  Speaker 2: how to help people, and I hear all day about
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: their traumas. And I love my work. I love it.
• 30:44
  Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, do you think
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I want to make one decision right? No, I want
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: you to plan the day. I want you to take
• 30:51
  Speaker 2: me there. I want you to hold my hand. I
• 30:53
  Speaker 2: don't want I want to be able to look up
• 30:54
  Speaker 2: at the clouds.
• 30:57
  Speaker 1: No, And I mean, I know this is this again.
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: This is a very heterosexual reference that she's making. So
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: I'll just ask, like I'll play devil's advocate in the
• 31:06
  Speaker 1: sense of say it was a homosexual relationship with two
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: males or two females, then who leads then?
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean I would say it was the person
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: who has more masculine energy. Yeah, yeah, you know, whoever
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: feels most comfortable in that role, right, Because I think
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: regardless if we have two women, there's going to be
• 31:27
  Speaker 2: some dynamic. Now, is there going to be maybe a
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: more shared dynamic of a certain type, you know, where
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: there's a little bit more of a shared dynamic. Maybe?
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I've never been a lesbian. I don't know,
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: but I've worked with lesbian couples through the lens of
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: attachment theory, and I've been able to fix their freaking relationships.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: So I'm going to still bank on the fact that
• 31:48
  Speaker 2: attachment theory reaches beyond heterosexual relationships. Yeah, it goes beyond
• 31:54
  Speaker 2: masculine feminine energy, right, it does in my specific marriage
• 31:59
  Speaker 2: and in hetero relationships where there is a very obvious masculine,
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: feminine role. Then I do think being led in a
• 32:07
  Speaker 2: marriage is so freeing because feminine energy is to receive.
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: And I'm tired, and I don't want to make a
• 32:14
  Speaker 2: lot of mental decisions either. I don't I like it
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: when my husband chooses things. Here's why it works. My
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: husband pays attention to me, and he loves me, and
• 32:23
  Speaker 2: he wants me to be happy. So guess what kinds
• 32:25
  Speaker 2: of decisions he makes, ones that he knows are going
• 32:28
  Speaker 2: to make me happy? Right, And then when I respond
• 32:31
  Speaker 2: to that with, oh my gosh, this was the best,
• 32:33
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I love you so much, he
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: feels like a freaking superhero. He can puff out his
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: chest and hold his head high and feel like, yeah,
• 32:43
  Speaker 2: I make my woman happy.
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 32:44
  Speaker 2: I satisfy my woman all areas.
• 32:47
  Speaker 1: I mean, Josh, He's had to remind me a few times,
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: like you're not in this alone, Like we do this together.
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: I'm here lots of things when it comes to John
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: Paul specifically. You know, this was something he said as
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: he was leaving for work last night, because I needed
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: to have a conversation with John Paul. He was like,
• 33:06
  Speaker 1: you don't have to do this alone. I'm here, I'm
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: here with you, and that feels good because it's not
• 33:12
  Speaker 1: just a sigh of relief. It's safety.
• 33:16
  Speaker 2: It is safety. It is safety, and that at the
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: end of the day, that's all anybody wants. If you're
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: falling in love, you know, if you're falling in the
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: arms of whomever.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Right, it doesn't matter. You just want to feel emotionally safe.
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: I just want to feel emotionally safe and not.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: The hard things in life.
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: Can be created in any relationship dynamic. Again, I'm going
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: to just say I don't know about polyamory because I
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: just don't know right right, and I'm just going to
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: leave that over here as I'm ignorant to that. But
• 33:44
  Speaker 2: in terms of I've worked with plenty of gay couples,
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: I've worked with many transgendered individuals who are beautiful, wonderful people,
• 33:53
  Speaker 2: and you know, whether you agree with their personal decisions
• 33:58
  Speaker 2: or not, at the end of the day, we're all human.
• 34:02
  Speaker 2: And I'm a firm believer that God is going to
• 34:07
  Speaker 2: sort everything out. That's right, right, God's going to sort
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: it all out. It's not me for it's not my
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: job to sort it out right.
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: And ultimately we're just we're all searching to love them,
• 34:17
  Speaker 1: to be.
• 34:17
  Speaker 2: Loved absolutely regardless of where you choose. And I choose
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: to not be hateful, right, right, I choose to not
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: be hateful, to be kind, just be kind, just be loving.
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: And at the end of the day, that is Jesus's
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: biggest commandment.
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: God is love. God is love and sums up God.
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: And when I didn't have a lot of faith, I
• 34:44
  Speaker 2: didn't know that God was loved. Right, And I'm not
• 34:48
  Speaker 2: saying that God accepts everything we do right.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: We have free will.
• 34:54
  Speaker 2: We have free will, and sometimes we hurt other people,
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: or we act maliciously, or we do other things right,
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: we're all sinners at the end of the day, though,
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: I believe in a just God, a sovereign God, a
• 35:06
  Speaker 2: loving God.
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: He's not a punishing God.
• 35:08
  Speaker 2: He's not a punishing God. And I only have to
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: worry about me because guess what, I'm going to be
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: standing before God and I'm going to have to, you know,
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: be accountable for my life. I don't have to be
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: accountable to God for your life. I don't have to
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: be accountable to God for anyone else's life but my own.
• 35:28
  Speaker 2: So why am I going to try to impact someone
• 35:34
  Speaker 2: else's decision making in their own love life, right in
• 35:39
  Speaker 2: terms of who they choose to love. I'm not going
• 35:42
  Speaker 2: to do that.
• 35:43
  Speaker 1: Oh, you're going to help them with is certain behaviors
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: that maybe believe.
• 35:46
  Speaker 2: That I'm going to help them become securely attached and
• 35:48
  Speaker 2: they can be securely attached.
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: To whoever they want to be, right, That's exactly right.
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: At the end of the day, hopefully you're just securely
• 35:53
  Speaker 1: attached to you, yourself and I and you know, whoever
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: it is that you believe in. That's a higher power,
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: I mean. But ultimately, I mean that's again, it's it's
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: it is your mission. It's why you're here.
• 36:05
  Speaker 2: Right, And so if there's people that there are gonna
• 36:07
  Speaker 2: be people that disagree with me. They're gonna be people
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: that are like, I don't want to hear about Jesus.
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: Have you talk about then? Like, that's my question, that's
• 36:13
  Speaker 1: my question to mister or missus reviewer. What would you
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: have us talk about if we can't pull from personal
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: experience our own morals.
• 36:24
  Speaker 2: The majority of my clients, the majority of my clients
• 36:28
  Speaker 2: are heterosexual. Yeah, but that's just because that's how the
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: chips fall right, right, that's not because I'm not welcoming
• 36:36
  Speaker 2: to anyone, right, And I've made that clear that you are. Yeah,
• 36:40
  Speaker 2: I've tried to make that uber clear. Satanists, sorry, you're
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: gonna have to go worship Satan somewhere else because I
• 36:46
  Speaker 2: don't want demons around me. But other than that, you know,
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: no faith, all faiths has come in Buddhist and do
• 36:53
  Speaker 2: come on in and I talk about psychology.
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: That's right. And I know you had another circumstance, and
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you I don't know if you
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: want to talk about about it or not. The TikTok
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: circumstance that that really.
• 37:03
  Speaker 2: Oh gosh, I've tried to put it out of my mind.
• 37:06
  Speaker 2: I've tried, but yeah, I talk about it. That one
• 37:09
  Speaker 2: talks about it.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: I mean that one was probably in terms of haters,
• 37:12
  Speaker 1: like a whole new level of yeah, malicious intent, like yeah, threatening, So.
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: I will, I'll just talk about it like this. I
• 37:23
  Speaker 2: actually did not know that there was this gen X
• 37:26
  Speaker 2: gen Z war going on. I was clueless, no idea,
• 37:29
  Speaker 2: no clue. This was even before Eminem dropped his album, right,
• 37:32
  Speaker 2: the gen Z Mibra and all that, And I was
• 37:35
  Speaker 2: just making this video just reflecting on my childhood.
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Right, because I have a genus.
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: I'm the oldest millennial, right, so gen X is nineteen
• 37:45
  Speaker 2: eighty one is the cutoff. And I was born in
• 37:47
  Speaker 2: nineteen eighty two, So I was raised as a gen
• 37:50
  Speaker 2: X kid. How were we raised with zero oversight? Right?
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: And so I was just actually making this video and
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: this was on personal account, personal TikTok account that I
• 38:02
  Speaker 2: had created of just like this is what a gen
• 38:05
  Speaker 2: X childhood was like, and I think it. I mean
• 38:08
  Speaker 2: the point of it was to talk about like the
• 38:10
  Speaker 2: lack of emotional attunement that we received and that like
• 38:14
  Speaker 2: we like we were just feral children, right. We were
• 38:18
  Speaker 2: just legit feral children out there and running around. Nobody
• 38:21
  Speaker 2: knew what we were doing, Nobody cared what we were.
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: Doing for yourself.
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: I mean there was literally a commercial that would come
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: on at ten PM to remind parents, do you know
• 38:30
  Speaker 2: where your kids are? Can you imagine? We have you know,
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: like strapp an Apple the air tags on them, right,
• 38:38
  Speaker 2: like and track them on our phone, right and like
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: don't don't go down the street, and I'm gonna watch
• 38:42
  Speaker 2: you out down there. I know you're ten, but.
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: Literally my caption on the three sixty app is I'm
• 38:47
  Speaker 1: watching you just to kind of like it's just this
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: ongoing right that we have but my parents never was.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: And then what ended up happening is gen Z got
• 38:56
  Speaker 2: really upset. They got really mad, like, oh, you think
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: you're better than us because you had this feral childhood,
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: Like let's I'm going to show you. So they took
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: the sound that I made that video got five million views,
• 39:11
  Speaker 2: and they replicated it in the most the meanest, most
• 39:15
  Speaker 2: really mean, horrendous way.
• 39:17
  Speaker 1: Or funny like I did you know, like today when
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: I was talking about the parody that just I came across, Well, here's.
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: What I did. I started getting infiltrated.
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: Right with threats. Well just I mean, then.
• 39:27
  Speaker 2: They're dumb, Like a lot of it was so dumb,
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: but like it got infiltrated to the point where I
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: was just like that account was no longer usable because
• 39:36
  Speaker 2: any video that I made, it was gonna be gen
• 39:39
  Speaker 2: Z me Brudge and Zemi Brudge and Zemi bru in
• 39:41
  Speaker 2: the comments because somehow gen Z took that video as
• 39:46
  Speaker 2: like some kind of hate against them when I was
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: just saying, you know, we had a different childhood than
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: gen Z. That was literally it. But then what ended
• 39:54
  Speaker 2: up it was just very not cool. It was very
• 39:58
  Speaker 2: coincidental and not a good way. I don't know how
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: to describe it. Because right after I made that video,
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: like the next day is like when Eminem dropped that
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: album that is crazy. So it was like it got
• 40:09
  Speaker 2: lumped into this fake war right of gen Z versus
• 40:14
  Speaker 2: gen X, and I somehow became the mascot for this
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: fake war. And I didn't even want to be in it.
• 40:21
  Speaker 2: I just want to talk about feral children and lack
• 40:25
  Speaker 2: of emotional attunement and how that differed in our experiences
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: growing up. And I thought it was so cool that
• 40:32
  Speaker 2: a lot of gen xers were rising up on this
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: app and meeting each other and being like, hey, you know,
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: like we didn't have the internet when we grew up,
• 40:38
  Speaker 2: but now we do. What's up dude? Oh I grew
• 40:40
  Speaker 2: up in you know this way too, and celebrating just
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: people finding their people.
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, and it kind of generation has has
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: things to offer. And you know, so what.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I ended up when what I ended up doing was
• 40:53
  Speaker 2: I ended up disabling that sound. So anybody that used
• 40:56
  Speaker 2: that sound, which was like millions of people. Their videos
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: then were soundless of jokes on you, because again it's
• 41:02
  Speaker 2: my platform, it's my voice, so I can control if
• 41:03
  Speaker 2: it's out there or not, right, So I disabled the sound.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: And then interestingly enough, that video monetized a lot of money,
• 41:13
  Speaker 2: so igally made like a ton of money because of
• 41:15
  Speaker 2: this thing. So so that was God's hahas over life, right, like,
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: let me drop a big sum in your bank account
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: because that video got five million views. But then what
• 41:24
  Speaker 2: I got to do is disabled the sound and I
• 41:25
  Speaker 2: deleted the account because I just didn't want to deal
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: with it because I have time.
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: I don't have time for that too much.
• 41:32
  Speaker 2: It was too much, It was too immature because and
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: sorry gen Z, but like the statistics are real, Like
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: they have the worst mental health of any generation.
• 41:42
  Speaker 1: Well and they're the first generation to like grow up
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: their entire lives with the internet.
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: Right, and so but then it begs a question who's
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: worse off gen X who raised them or the gen
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: Z who exists. Who's more at fault for this? Because
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: I mean the like they would write sentences and I
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: would and understand a single word a single world. Yeah,
• 42:04
  Speaker 2: I don't know either, blah bah blah blah, and I'm like,
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: what you know, And maybe that shows my age, but
• 42:10
  Speaker 2: I don't care. I am fine being a forty two
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: year old woman. I'm going to dress like a forty
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: two year old woman. I'm going to probably act like
• 42:17
  Speaker 2: a forty two year old woman. I am not in
• 42:19
  Speaker 2: any I am Actually, this is the best my life
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: has ever been.
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: I would never know that.
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: I would never want to go back to my twenties.
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: You couldn't pay me money to go back to my twenties.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: I was insecure, I was ignorant, I was in terrible relationships.
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: I didn't love myself, I was poor. Why would I
• 42:36
  Speaker 2: want to go back there? No, thank you very much.
• 42:38
  Speaker 2: I'm going to take my happy, healthy marriage, my you know,
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: very very successful business. I probably look better than I
• 42:45
  Speaker 2: ever had. I have money to look better than I
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: ever had. Like, I don't want to be you right, right,
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: it's not what it was. At the end of the day,
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: I just deleted the account and I'll start over. We're
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: actually going to be going on a new venture. So
• 42:55
  Speaker 2: we're going to start a new account. And I'm almost
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: a million social media followers as the dating decoder, so whatever.
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's fine, hat it's gonna hate all day, spend
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: forty three minutes so talking about the haters.
• 43:10
  Speaker 2: So bottom line is from a healthy, healed perspective, you
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: just have to you just have to ask yourself, why
• 43:17
  Speaker 2: am I letting somebody bother me so much? Who doesn't
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: live my life? If they do not pay your bills,
• 43:25
  Speaker 2: if they don't sleep in your bed, you know, don't
• 43:30
  Speaker 2: worry about them.
• 43:30
  Speaker 1: If they wouldn't show up at your funeral.
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: They wouldn't show up at your funeral.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: It's grew the Yeah, that's right.
• 43:35
  Speaker 2: Just forget about them, like literally delete them from your
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: mind if you can, right. And if if you can't
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: delete them from your mind and it's impacting you, then
• 43:42
  Speaker 2: I think you need to think about where are my
• 43:44
  Speaker 2: attachment insecurities?
• 43:45
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: Right, because that is an attachment in security? Sure, right,
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: because we only need to be worried about our true attachments,
• 43:52
  Speaker 2: right like our husband? Well, first of all God, but
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: then you know your spouse and your kids and and self.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I will admit I may have given
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: the review the trump face, and you.
• 44:05
  Speaker 2: Know that is not a diss on.
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: Dominos, No, it's not.
• 44:09
  Speaker 2: He actually had somebody else like on Instagram. You put
• 44:12
  Speaker 2: a meme about the Trump face. It's meant to be neutral.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: It's meant to be like, he's just a public figure
• 44:18
  Speaker 2: who makes a certain face, right, And it's just like
• 44:20
  Speaker 2: if he were any other.
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: I'm not talking about political views here.
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: We we are not talking about political views now, will
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: I won't do it. You will not find me opening
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: my mouth and telling you how I feel politically. I
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: mean most people could probably freaking guess. But actually I'm
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: not subscribed to either major political party, so are you not?
• 44:38
  Speaker 2: I'm not well more, I my political views are more
• 44:43
  Speaker 2: independent based. They're idea based. I you have a good idea,
• 44:47
  Speaker 2: I'm for it. Have a crappy idea, I'm not for that.
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: Right in I'm for that right. I'm for common sense
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: and good ideas.
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: That's right.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: And so you know, I personally feel like I'm as
• 45:00
  Speaker 2: inclusive as they come. You are, so you know whatever,
• 45:05
  Speaker 2: that's fun. I mean, at the end of the day,
• 45:08
  Speaker 2: just be attachment secure, be happy in your own life,
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: choose joy.
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm sorry, And I, like I said, I did
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: what I was gonna say. Is you know, I spent
• 45:17
  Speaker 1: a moment, you know, thinking about it, and I think
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: I texted you and I was like, well, I just
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: heard this review on our podcast.
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: And I'm just like whatever, I don't care.
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And I was like, well, I just don't. I
• 45:25
  Speaker 1: don't ever want to portray Josh as a jealous husband.
• 45:28
  Speaker 1: He's not like that or somebody that's controlling anyway. He's
• 45:30
  Speaker 1: not that either. And Sarah's just like, oh, you know
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: when they're done that, I got the T shirt, dude.
• 45:36
  Speaker 2: I mean, if I had to add up all the
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: hateful comments and bad reviews I've gotten, you have to
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: have thick skin in this game. You cannot put yourselves
• 45:44
  Speaker 2: out there on a large platform right where you're millions
• 45:48
  Speaker 2: of people are watching you and listening to you and
• 45:50
  Speaker 2: not expect people to be hateful, because at the end
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: of the day, people who take time out of their
• 45:56
  Speaker 2: day to be hateful to someone else don't like themselves
• 46:01
  Speaker 2: because they got triggered, or they wouldn't take time, right.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: You only take time when you feel like you have
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: to correct the story because you feel triggered on the inside.
• 46:08
  Speaker 2: You don't need to correct the story when you're not
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: triggered on the inside, right, And so that begs the
• 46:13
  Speaker 2: topic of this entire podcast. Is like, how do you
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: deal with that? While you deal with it by letting it.
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: Go, yeah, or you deal with it with kindness I mean,
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, I mean that's been my go to every
• 46:24
  Speaker 1: time and I feel the need to respond to something
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: that maybe is you know, like I said, you get
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: comments sometimes that are somewhat productive and you know, good feedback,
• 46:34
  Speaker 1: but I always.
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: That and we use it, yeah, to grow.
• 46:36
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, And that's and we want that. We want we
• 46:39
  Speaker 1: listen even the person who left the review, we still
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: love you, for sure, we love you, and we appreciate
• 46:46
  Speaker 1: the feedback because here's the beauty of it. We get
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: to come on here and set the record straight. That's
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: and that's a beautiful thing. And I'm thankful for that.
• 46:56
  Speaker 1: And I have major gratitude to be able to have
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: a platform where I can say, oh no, wait, you
• 47:01
  Speaker 1: got it all wrong. That's not the truth. So let
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: me tell you what the truth is. And the truth
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: is kindness and love. I mean, ultimately that's not in
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: this and love that's what it's about, in that joy
• 47:12
  Speaker 1: and that is what that is my calling and that's
• 47:14
  Speaker 1: what we're here to spread.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: And that is what I want to help people experience
• 47:18
  Speaker 2: in their romantic relationships, because romantic relationships don't have to
• 47:22
  Speaker 2: be so hard and so hurtful.
• 47:25
  Speaker 1: No, they shouldn't be.
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: They shouldn't be. And if you've never experienced a relationship
• 47:30
  Speaker 2: where you are truly loved in a secure and healthy
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: and amazing way, then you don't really understand what we're
• 47:36
  Speaker 2: talking about. And so many people haven't, and then they
• 47:41
  Speaker 2: get worn down and they don't believe that that can exist.
• 47:44
  Speaker 2: But the only way to create that is to create
• 47:46
  Speaker 2: it within yourself first, and then you're going to be
• 47:48
  Speaker 2: attracted to it and it's going to come for you
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: as well, right, because I believe heavily that secure attracts secure.
• 47:56
  Speaker 2: It does. It's like magnets.
• 47:59
  Speaker 1: We're living proof of it, right, And so if that's
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: what you're looking for in your life, then please go
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: visit doctor Hensley at her website, the Dating dcoder dot com.
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: Go there, check out all of her services, and of course,
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: if you are liking this content, continue to listen, subscribe,
• 48:14
  Speaker 1: leave a review.
• 48:16
  Speaker 2: Get yourself some cozier sheets. Okay, there's some coziers, and
• 48:21
  Speaker 2: don't worry about the haters, that's right, and listen, don't
• 48:24
  Speaker 2: worry about them, just drug it off, I mean, Taylor
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: Swift it, shake you off, baby, take it off, thank
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: off baby.
• 48:29
  Speaker 1: All right, and don't forget. You can use promo code
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: love doc to get forty percent off those cozy earth sheets.
• 48:36
  Speaker 1: And please keep tuning in, like, follow, comment, review, and
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: until next time, peace, love and perspective