Latest / Phantom Journey's Podcast / #114 LUMBERJACK TALL TALES

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#114 LUMBERJACK TALL TALES · Phantom Journey's Podcast

0:18
SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the Phantom Journeys Podcast with your mortal hosts Max McGurke and Kid Smith.
0:27
SPEAKER_01: Join us as we uncover paranormal mysteries, thrilling tales and the legends that scare us the most.
0:36
SPEAKER_05: This podcast is brought to you by the Alien Soda Company, your connection to pop culture and paranormal themed merch.
0:44
SPEAKER_05: Alien Soda Company dot shop for all things out of this world.
0:53
SPEAKER_04: Hey Matt, doing the day?
0:56
SPEAKER_04: Ken.
0:58
SPEAKER_04: Hey Ken.
0:59
SPEAKER_04: How's it going?
1:00
SPEAKER_04: Good, yeah.
1:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, we're back in the studio.
1:02
SPEAKER_04: We're back for uh more paranormal and uh scary stories.
1:08
SPEAKER_04: Some scary stories, indeed.
1:10
SPEAKER_04: Um I'm kind of excited.
1:12
SPEAKER_04: Uh in the next few weeks, we have some special guests coming up that are uh yeah, you're gonna say, well, these are really good guests.
1:19
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I can't wait.
1:21
SPEAKER_03: Look forward to it.
1:22
SPEAKER_04: So uh how was your week this week?
1:24
SPEAKER_03: My week, oh god, it's been crazy.
1:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's just non-stop already, you know.
1:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, it's been hectic out there, actually, on the roads.
1:33
SPEAKER_04: On the roads, you know, I was driving home from work the other day, and probably about two car links in front of me.
1:40
SPEAKER_04: This car we were coming down a hill and going around on a curve, and I don't know if they weren't paying attention or wanted to change lanes or on their phone.
1:50
SPEAKER_04: I don't know, I wasn't that close, but they uh started veering into the other lane on their right, and there was a car there, and when they realized it, they went back really fast, but then they overcompensated the next thing you know, you saw the back end fish tail until finally it was going sideways, and then actually was going parallel to uh or perpendicular to the flow of traffic and took out the car that nearly hit or you know swiped into the first time, and then you know what was between them and me though?
2:22
SPEAKER_04: What a really big dump truck.
2:23
SPEAKER_02: Oh, geez.
2:24
SPEAKER_04: That guy slammed on his brakes, and I don't think he clipped her, but uh yeah, I don't know.
2:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, so I got around and pulled over.
2:33
SPEAKER_04: I was uh I called 911 and uh uh I have a little first aid experience, so I was gonna go see if I could help, but then I saw them both get out of the car, so yeah.
2:44
SPEAKER_04: I had done the 911 thing.
2:45
SPEAKER_04: So I continued my whole time to the rescue.
2:48
SPEAKER_03: Well, I didn't do anything but call 911.
2:50
SPEAKER_03: Well, still, I mean you were there, you know.
2:52
SPEAKER_03: There's that.
2:53
SPEAKER_04: No, so that was that was uh that was my week.
2:56
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, my god, yeah.
2:58
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's just it's been crazy.
3:00
SPEAKER_03: And um God can't even remember my week.
3:04
SPEAKER_03: That must have been really crazy.
3:07
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it was just too much, you know.
3:09
SPEAKER_03: Life! Life! Yeah.
3:12
SPEAKER_04: There was the SpaceX launch uh the heavy falcon.
3:17
SPEAKER_04: And supposedly when he hit uh orbit, there's picture or images taken from the outside of the spacecraft that show what a lot of people are saying is a mothership in orbit uh behind it.
3:29
SPEAKER_04: So I looked at it.
3:31
SPEAKER_04: I looked at it and I don't know if it's a mothership, but at the same time, I don't think it's part of its original, but it could have been, you know, because the engines do separate, so it could have they could have been laying back there free-fall before the you know the engines kicked on to take it back into the atmosphere because they reland the engines.
3:49
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
3:49
SPEAKER_04: So I don't know.
3:50
SPEAKER_04: That could be it, it could be a mothership.
3:52
SPEAKER_04: Who knows?
3:53
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely, absolutely.
3:55
SPEAKER_03: Well, you know, I I'm not surprised.
3:59
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe they found airship, that's where the aliens parking the spaceship.
4:04
SPEAKER_04: Well, maybe uh SpaceX forgot to tell them about the launch.
4:08
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
4:08
SPEAKER_04: You know, and they were like, oh crap, we're in the image, we're in the shot.
4:13
SPEAKER_04: Act like an engine.
4:14
SPEAKER_04: Lay here, uh just they still and uh act like an engine.
4:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I don't know.
4:18
SPEAKER_03: You know what's funny though?
4:20
SPEAKER_03: I will one thing I will bring up on it's quite small, but the last time we're in the studio.
4:29
SPEAKER_03: Last time we're in the studio and we we've done a little kind of uh uh I was gonna say an RPG, which is wrong.
4:35
SPEAKER_03: Uh an EVP.
4:37
SPEAKER_03: Were you got an EVP?
4:38
SPEAKER_03: Maybe.
4:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, maybe in the last episode about the trivia one?
4:43
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
4:44
SPEAKER_03: Uh was it I don't know if it was a trivia one or the one before that.
4:48
SPEAKER_02: Okay.
4:49
SPEAKER_03: But like we were just messing, it was like, we'll do it now, and we there was a gap.
4:54
SPEAKER_03: But when you listen to it, there's nothing there.
4:56
SPEAKER_03: It's like, yeah, you know what, I'll hire it up and see what happens.
4:59
SPEAKER_03: And towards the end of it, there's like a and it's not like someone's belly tumbling because like you'd hear that normally.
5:07
SPEAKER_03: So I clipped it a couple of times and made it a little louder.
5:10
SPEAKER_03: So if you're wondering what that was, that's what that was.
5:12
SPEAKER_04: No idea what it is.
5:14
SPEAKER_04: I did I listened to the episode and I didn't catch it.
5:16
unknown: That's weird.
5:17
SPEAKER_04: Of course, I I listened to him when I'm at work, so I made a bit fully concentrating at that particular point.
5:23
SPEAKER_03: So okay.
5:25
SPEAKER_03: Well, uh, so what's today's episode?
5:28
SPEAKER_03: Uh today's episode.
5:29
SPEAKER_03: I don't know, Cam, why don't you enlighten the people?
5:31
SPEAKER_03: Tell them what the episode is.
5:32
SPEAKER_03: I'm glad you asked.
5:34
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
5:34
SPEAKER_04: So I was out doing research and I came across a book that was written in 1910 called Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods, written by William T.
5:45
SPEAKER_04: Cox.
5:46
SPEAKER_04: And basically, this is a book that was written in 1910 that kind of compiled uh compiled Tall's Tales of Folklore and basically the campfire stories that lumberjacks would tell in different parts of the country about creatures that they would, you know, most of them were probably made up to you know, just to kind of entertain each other.
6:07
SPEAKER_04: This before long before radio, before well, I guess they had some radio, but not like radio, like you know, they used to.
6:14
SPEAKER_04: And and but yeah, it's long before TV, you know, and uh streaming and all that stuff.
6:19
SPEAKER_04: So they had to entertain themselves around the campfire.
6:21
SPEAKER_04: Nice.
6:22
SPEAKER_03: So I'm gonna read some uh So you have a plethora of stories?
6:27
SPEAKER_04: I'm like too shy of a plethora.
6:30
SPEAKER_04: I'm too story shy of a plethora.
6:32
SPEAKER_04: But so what what I'm gonna do is these are fearsome and unusual creatures that Lumberjacks used to start uh talking about around the campfires.
6:42
SPEAKER_01: Alright, very cool.
6:43
SPEAKER_01: So why don't we just hit a quick break?
6:45
SPEAKER_01: Stay tuned and don't you dare fast forward through our sponsors.
6:50
SPEAKER_01: I'll know.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Warning, Alien Soda Company has interrupted this broadcast with an important message.
7:10
SPEAKER_05: Alien Soda Company is your connection for pop culture in paranormal themed shirts, posters, mugs, art, and so much more.
7:17
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7:20
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7:23
SPEAKER_05: That's Alien Soda Company Dot Shop for all things out of this world.
7:32
SPEAKER_05: Use coupon code Phantom for 10% off your entire purchase.
7:35
SPEAKER_05: And we're bike.
7:37
SPEAKER_05: Oh, that wasn't so bad.
7:40
SPEAKER_04: I thought I was gonna fall asleep for some of the things.
7:42
SPEAKER_04: Well, we have to tell maybe one about soda alien soda companies.
7:44
SPEAKER_03: Well, that's true.
7:47
SPEAKER_04: That's very important.
7:47
SPEAKER_03: How are we supposed to stay on the air?
7:49
SPEAKER_03: That's very important.
7:49
unknown: Anyway.
7:50
SPEAKER_04: Okay, so again, these are tall tales and strange creatures created by lumberjacks around uh campfires in around 1910, like 1800s, 1910.
8:02
SPEAKER_04: Snippets from a book called Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods by William T.
8:06
SPEAKER_04: Cox, and yes, you can find this still on the Amazon because I ordered my copy just the other day.
8:12
SPEAKER_04: Nice, nice.
8:13
SPEAKER_04: So uh the first one, and some of these are just fun for the names.
8:18
SPEAKER_04: This one's called the Wappaloosey.
8:21
SPEAKER_04: Ooh.
8:22
SPEAKER_04: In the damn forest of the Pacific Coast and eastward as far as the St.
8:26
SPEAKER_04: Joe River in North Idaho ranges, a quaint little beast known among loggers as the Wappaloosey.
8:34
SPEAKER_04: It is about the size of a sausage dog, but is not even distinctly related to the canine family.
8:40
SPEAKER_04: The Wappaloosey, according to Lumberjacks, lives upon self fungus or hunches exclusively as he is able to get them with ease, no matter if they are growing on the tip top of a hundred foot dead tree.
8:58
SPEAKER_04: Well, they kind of Okay, this was written in 1910.
9:00
SPEAKER_04: He kind of kept going, and then all of a sudden there was a period.
9:03
SPEAKER_04: So uh it is a pleasure for one of these animals to climb, for he has feet and toes like those of a woodpecker, and he c he humps himself.
9:15
SPEAKER_04: And he it says, and he humps himself along like a measuring worm.
9:19
SPEAKER_04: Even his tail is spiked at the tip and aids him as he mounts the lofty furs of the quest for food.
9:27
SPEAKER_04: One of the most peculiar features of this animal was discovered only recently.
9:31
SPEAKER_04: A lumberjack in one of the camps of the Humpatulips River, Washington, shot a wapaloozi and upon examining its velvety coat decided it would make an attractive and serviceful pair of mittens, which he proceeded to make.
9:50
SPEAKER_04: The hide was tanned thoroughly and the mittens made with care first side out, and as the lumberjack went to work, he exhibited them with pride.
10:01
SPEAKER_04: Imagine his surprise upon taking hold of an axe to find that the mittens immediately worked their way up and off the handle.
10:09
SPEAKER_04: It was the same with whatever he took hold of, and finding that he could not use the mittens, they were left in a skid road and were left last scene working their way over the logs and litter across the slashings.
10:24
SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
10:26
SPEAKER_04: Phantom mittens out there if you're still looking.
10:28
SPEAKER_04: Absolutely.
10:29
SPEAKER_04: Uh this one I had heard about as a kid, actually, because this one takes place in Colorado and I was in I kind of grew up in Colorado.
10:36
SPEAKER_04: So this one's called the Slide Rock Bolter.
10:42
SPEAKER_04: Nice.
10:42
SPEAKER_04: In the mountains of Colorado, where in summer the woods are becoming infested with tourists, much uneasiness has been caused by the presence of the slide rock bolter.
10:54
SPEAKER_04: This frightful animal lives only in the steepest mountains, mountainous country where the slopes are greater than 45 degrees.
11:03
SPEAKER_04: It has been an immense it has an immense head with small eyes and mouth somewhat on the order of a sculpin, running back beyond its ears.
11:13
SPEAKER_04: The tail consists of a divided flipper with enormous grab hooks which it fastens over the crest of mountain ranges or ridges, often remaining there motionless for days at a time, watching the gulch for tourists or any other hapless creature that may enter it at the right moment.
11:33
SPEAKER_04: After sighting a tourist, it will lift its tail, thus loosen its hold on the mountain, and with its small eyes riveted on the poor, unfortunate souls below, the drooling thin skin grease from the corners of its mouth which greatly accelerate its speed.
11:48
SPEAKER_04: The vulture comes down like a toboggan, scooping up scooping in its victim as it goes on its own, impetuous, carrying it lifted up next slope, where it again slaps its tail over the ridge and waits.
12:02
SPEAKER_04: Whole parties of tourists have reportedly been gulped up in one scoop by uh and taking parties far back into the hills.
12:13
SPEAKER_04: The animals uh are a menace not only to tourists, but to woods as well.
12:19
SPEAKER_04: Many uh now again this is written in nineteen ten.
12:22
SPEAKER_04: Many a draw through spruce-covered slopes have been laid below, the trees being knocked out by the roots or mowed over as by a scythe where the bolter has crashed down through the through them from the peaks above.
12:38
SPEAKER_04: The forest ranger whose distinct uh district includes the rough country between Ofer Peaks and the Lizard Head, conceived the bold idea of decoying as a slide rock bolter to its own destruction.
12:50
SPEAKER_04: A dummy tourist was uh rigged up with a plaid Norfolk jacket, knee breeches, and a guidebook to Colorado.
12:58
SPEAKER_04: It was then filled full of giant powder and foam fulminite caps and pushed into an uh a conspicuous place.
13:08
SPEAKER_04: Where sure enough the next day it attracted the attention of a bolter which had been hanging for days on the slopes of Lizard Head.
13:16
SPEAKER_04: The resulting explosion flattened half of the buildings in Rico, which were never rebuilt.
13:21
SPEAKER_04: And the surrounding hills flattened rocks of buzzards the uh rebuilt and the surrounding hills flattened rocks of buzzards, the next hills rest of the summer.
13:34
SPEAKER_04: That sounded kind of weird at the end, but yeah.
13:36
SPEAKER_04: So that one sounds like lumberjacks don't care for non-lumberjacks in the mountains.
13:42
SPEAKER_03: They're I was gonna say, so and the the the first creature had the the what loos it kind of sounded to me a little bit like a minx.
13:52
SPEAKER_03: Okay, a little bit.
13:54
SPEAKER_03: So I I'm wondering if you saw that and was just like bored, like you know what, I'm gonna come over to Great Start and you can sit around the campfire.
14:00
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
14:01
SPEAKER_03: And then the other one, the baldter.
14:03
SPEAKER_03: I mean, uh in my head I was trying to think of something with like hooks and claws or something like that.
14:08
SPEAKER_03: Like a slot.
14:10
SPEAKER_04: But basically, the way it was explained to me as a kid when I first started because I was in the boy scouts and we used to go camping all the time.
14:15
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, just imagine like a big like sperm whale with hooks on its tail.
14:19
SPEAKER_04: So it's it's huge.
14:21
SPEAKER_04: It's it's supposed to be really big.
14:22
SPEAKER_04: It was basically because you were trying to destroy like houses in the microphone.
14:26
SPEAKER_04: Anytime there's an avalanche, it's the thing.
14:29
SPEAKER_04: The work of the rock bolter.
14:32
SPEAKER_03: Okay, okay.
14:34
SPEAKER_04: Here's another this is a good one.
14:36
SPEAKER_04: This one's called the Squonk.
14:39
SPEAKER_04: Squonk.
14:41
SPEAKER_04: The Squonk.
14:42
SPEAKER_04: The range of the Squonk is very limited.
14:44
SPEAKER_04: Few people outside of Pennsylvania have ever heard of the quaint beast, which is said to be fairly common in the hemlock forests of the state.
14:53
SPEAKER_04: Which is just south uh southeast of Pittsburgh, actually.
14:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
14:57
SPEAKER_04: The squonk is a very retiring disposition, generally traveling about at twilight and dusk.
15:03
SPEAKER_04: Because of its misfitting skin, which is covered with thwarts and moles, it all is always unhappy.
15:11
SPEAKER_04: That was true too.
15:14
SPEAKER_04: In fact, it is said by people who are best able to judge to be the most morbid of beasts.
15:20
SPEAKER_04: Hunters who are good at tracking are able to follow the squonk by its tear stained trail.
15:26
SPEAKER_04: For the animal weeps constantly.
15:28
SPEAKER_04: When cornered and ex an escape seems impossible, or when surprised and frightened, it may even dissolve into its tears and leave nothing behind but a wet ground.
15:38
SPEAKER_03: Interesting.
15:39
SPEAKER_04: Squonk hunters are most successful on frosty morning frosty moonlight nights when tears are shed slowly and the animal dislikes moving about.
15:51
SPEAKER_04: It may then be heard weeping under the boughs of dark hemlock trees.
15:57
SPEAKER_04: Mr.
15:57
SPEAKER_04: J.
15:58
SPEAKER_04: P.
15:58
SPEAKER_04: Wentling, formerly of Pennsylvania but now of at St.
16:02
SPEAKER_04: Anthony Park, Minnesota, had a disappoint disappointing experience with a squonk near Mount Albalto.
16:10
SPEAKER_04: He made a clever capture by mimicking the squonk and introducing and inducing it to hop into a sack.
16:18
SPEAKER_04: And when he was carrying it home, when suddenly the burden lightened and the weeping ceased, went like unslung the sack and looked in.
16:26
SPEAKER_04: There was nothing but tears and bubbles.
16:28
SPEAKER_03: Oh, that's sad.
16:30
SPEAKER_03: Poor squonk.
16:32
SPEAKER_03: I think I hear a squonk.
16:33
SPEAKER_03: You open the door.
16:34
SPEAKER_03: That's just a big pill of war.
16:36
SPEAKER_03: I see a pill of tears.
16:38
SPEAKER_04: This next one.
16:39
SPEAKER_04: The whirling wimpus.
16:41
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
16:43
SPEAKER_04: Occasionally happens that inexperienced hunters and others wandering to the woods disappear completely.
16:49
SPEAKER_04: Some say they get lost.
16:51
SPEAKER_04: Others say it's the one the whirling Wimpus.
16:53
SPEAKER_04: The whirling it must be the Whirling Wimpus.
16:55
SPEAKER_04: Guides were unable to locate them, and all kinds of theories are offered to explain the disappearances.
17:03
SPEAKER_04: From the hardwood forest of the Cumberland Mountains, Tennessee comes the rumor of an animal called the Whirling Wimpus.
17:11
SPEAKER_04: The exist existence of which may throw some light upon the fate of those who fall to or fail to come back to camp.
17:19
SPEAKER_04: According to Woodsman who have mean okay.
17:23
SPEAKER_04: According to Woodsman who have been looking timber in eastern Tennessee, the Wimpus is a bloodthirsty creature of no mean proportions.
17:34
SPEAKER_04: It has a gorilla-shaped head, a body of an uh an enormous front feet.
17:40
SPEAKER_04: Its unique method of obtaining food is its station itself upon a trail, generally at the head in a t the at the head of a trail or at the bend, where it stands on on its diminutive hind legs and whirls.
17:54
SPEAKER_04: The speed is increased until the animal is invisible and the motion produces a strange drowning sound, seeming to come from trees overhead.
18:04
SPEAKER_04: Any creature coming along the trail and not recognizing the sound is almost certain to walk into danger and become instantly deposited in the form of syrup or varnish upon the huge paws of the Wimpus.
18:18
SPEAKER_03: Hmm.
18:18
SPEAKER_03: That's an interesting one because like it so it it it's it it w what's called it?
18:24
SPEAKER_03: Whirls what's called uh whirlwind?
18:26
SPEAKER_03: It um yells until it disappears.
18:29
SPEAKER_03: Is that what is that?
18:30
SPEAKER_04: No, it's been it spins until it spins so fast it disappears.
18:34
SPEAKER_04: So basically it's like the chin uh that Tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes.
18:38
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, okay.
18:39
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
18:41
SPEAKER_04: Let's see if I can pronounce this next one.
18:45
SPEAKER_04: The dung dung of Ventenhotur.
18:49
SPEAKER_04: The dung of Ventenhooter.
18:52
SPEAKER_04: Dungavenhooter.
18:53
SPEAKER_04: Dong uh it definitely says dong at the beginning.
18:56
SPEAKER_04: Dong of Ventur.
18:58
SPEAKER_04: I'm thinking like dungeons, so like maybe Dung Dungavanhoter.
19:04
SPEAKER_03: Sounds a little German to me now, but you know what?
19:07
SPEAKER_04: Formerly quite common from Maine to Michigan, today only occasionally met with one at the upper peninsula of this latter state.
19:16
SPEAKER_04: A marsh dweller, dangerous to human beings, shaped a good deal like an alligator, but curious as to its equipment is in that it has no mouth.
19:26
SPEAKER_04: The nostrils are abnormally large, legs short, the tail thick and powerful.
19:31
SPEAKER_04: The only cry is a loud snort.
19:36
SPEAKER_04: Concealing itself to a satanic cunning behind the wiffle brush, the dung and h dung and hooter awaits the passing logger.
19:47
SPEAKER_04: And coming within reach of the dreadful tail, the victim is knocked senseless and then pounded steadily until he becomes entirely gaseous.
19:55
SPEAKER_04: You're so gaseous.
19:57
SPEAKER_04: Can you imagine beating somebody so much that they just disappear into a gas?
20:01
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that'd be that that's gas.
20:04
SPEAKER_04: Wow.
20:05
SPEAKER_04: Uh where the until he becomes entirely gaseous, where it is he is greedily inhaled through the wide nostrils.
20:13
SPEAKER_04: Oh, it snorts you?
20:14
SPEAKER_04: Rum's sodden prey is sought with special especial eagerness.
20:21
SPEAKER_03: Well, at least you won't be eaten, but you'll be beaten to a poop and then snored.
20:26
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
20:26
SPEAKER_04: By that point I don't think you care.
20:30
SPEAKER_04: Uh the next one, the hide behind.
20:34
SPEAKER_04: A highly dangerous animal, but owing to its intense aversion to the odor of alcohol, never known to attack an inebreat.
20:43
SPEAKER_04: One bottle of Uno beer has been proven to be a complete safeguard, even to the thickly infested country.
20:52
SPEAKER_03: Maybe it's just a really bad beer and he doesn't want that in the system.
20:55
SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
20:56
SPEAKER_04: I haven't drank that one.
20:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
20:58
SPEAKER_03: Wait, so it's if you get drunk, it won't be.
21:01
SPEAKER_04: He definitely doesn't like the taste of drunken people.
21:03
SPEAKER_03: Well, that's see, that just means you just have you have to get drunk at work.
21:06
SPEAKER_04: You have to get drunk at work.
21:07
SPEAKER_04: And that's probably why it was written.
21:08
SPEAKER_03: And that's what Ken said.
21:10
SPEAKER_03: Ken says you have to get drunk at work.
21:12
SPEAKER_04: That's probably why it was written, because it was probably a lumberjack that would get you in trouble for being drunk at work.
21:19
SPEAKER_03: Who's the hide behind?
21:20
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I have to.
21:21
SPEAKER_04: I don't want to die.
21:23
SPEAKER_04: Uh a biggish beast standing about six feet and walking erect.
21:28
SPEAKER_04: The slender body makes it possible to hide completely behind the hole of a ten-inch tree.
21:33
SPEAKER_04: The pelts is long, thick, and black, and the tail is carried recurved.
21:39
SPEAKER_04: Looks like a French sheepdog.
21:41
SPEAKER_04: Almost impossible to tell whether the critter is coming or going, and practically hopeless to locate its face.
21:53
SPEAKER_04: If any it's hard to see his face, if any.
21:58
SPEAKER_04: Sorry, it took so long to get to that point.
22:00
SPEAKER_04: Add a turned page and then boom, period.
22:02
SPEAKER_03: I can edit so they won't even see that.
22:04
SPEAKER_03: Oh, well, that's something that we talked about.
22:06
SPEAKER_03: Okay, I'll leave it in then.
22:07
SPEAKER_04: The short, well muscled forelegs are equipped with grizzly light claws.
22:11
SPEAKER_04: Its food is chiefly intestines.
22:14
SPEAKER_04: Leaping from its hiding place with a demonical laugh, it swiftly and disembowels its victim with one swipe.
22:21
SPEAKER_04: Sometimes the finish howl frightens the prey to death before the blow falls.
22:27
SPEAKER_04: Hide behind is never found in the open.
22:29
SPEAKER_04: It's always concealing himself behind a tree trunk.
22:32
SPEAKER_04: Well, that's convenient.
22:34
SPEAKER_04: Isn't it?
22:35
SPEAKER_04: I can't see it.
22:35
SPEAKER_04: Why?
22:36
SPEAKER_04: Because it's behind the tree trunk.
22:37
SPEAKER_04: What do you know it's there?
22:38
SPEAKER_04: We just kind of assume it is.
22:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
22:40
SPEAKER_03: Always assume.
22:42
SPEAKER_04: Well, I don't want to assume.
22:43
SPEAKER_04: Well, then you better get drunk.
22:45
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
22:46
SPEAKER_03: Peer pressure out of the best.
22:48
SPEAKER_04: Uh his marvelous quick, stealthy gait makes it possible for him to stay constantly behind his prey, no matter how quickly the suspicious victim may spin around in the hope of glimpsing the marauder.
22:59
SPEAKER_04: The beast can go seven years without eating.
23:02
SPEAKER_04: Damn.
23:03
SPEAKER_04: So this is truly a lumberjack that had to get everybody scared enough so he could keep drinking on the go.
23:10
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
23:10
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
23:11
SPEAKER_04: We got it.
23:12
SPEAKER_04: Now this next one, there's actually a festival every year dedicated to this one still.
23:17
SPEAKER_04: Very cool.
23:19
SPEAKER_04: It's called the Hoe Dog.
23:21
SPEAKER_04: The Hoe Dog.
23:23
SPEAKER_04: Reported in Maine many years past and in 1895 captured and positively identified near Rhinelander, Wisconsin by Mr.
23:31
SPEAKER_04: E.
23:31
SPEAKER_04: S.
23:32
SPEAKER_04: Shepard.
23:32
SPEAKER_04: The Hoe Dog is undoubtedly one of the best known of the larger and more dangerous wood farmants.
23:39
SPEAKER_04: Ooh, I like the word farmant.
23:41
SPEAKER_04: We need to put farmant back into the modern vocabulary.
23:44
SPEAKER_04: True.
23:45
SPEAKER_04: It is now very rare, probably owing to the increased use of lemon.
23:50
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
23:51
SPEAKER_04: It is now very rare, probably owing to the increased use of lemons in cookery.
23:56
SPEAKER_04: For hol dogs, the citrus fruits are in the same ratio as wolves and wolves bane.
24:02
SPEAKER_04: Probably more so.
24:05
SPEAKER_04: So you just need to carry lemons around.
24:07
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
24:07
SPEAKER_04: A distressingly ugly animal.
24:09
SPEAKER_04: The knobbly head wears a pair of prominent bulging eyes and two heavy lateral horns, something like something after the fashion of a male stag beetle.
24:20
SPEAKER_04: The claws are stout and powerful.
24:22
SPEAKER_04: The tail carries a terminal hook with a row of jagged stegosaurin dorsal spines to complete the picture.
24:33
SPEAKER_04: The smaller front teeth were formerly often used for umbrella handles.
24:39
SPEAKER_04: I guess if you were able to catch one.
24:41
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
24:41
SPEAKER_04: The hoe dog is fully aware of its upsetting appearance and is given to frequent fits of bitter weeping.
24:47
SPEAKER_04: I once had a handful of the extremely rare crystallized hoedog tears, but an inquisitive lady friend collected them, believing them to be fine amber.
24:57
SPEAKER_04: She had them strung into a neck yoke, and then went and spilled a Tom Collins on herself.
25:05
SPEAKER_04: This fellow can't endure being laughed at.
25:17
SPEAKER_03: So when life gives you lemons, you go carry them around.
25:21
SPEAKER_04: When life gives you lemons, you go hoe dog hunting.
25:25
SPEAKER_04: Here we go.
25:26
SPEAKER_04: This one's called the hoop snake.
25:28
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
25:29
SPEAKER_04: A well-known menace, its existence is thoroughly established by numerous reports from highly credible parties.
25:35
SPEAKER_04: The characteristics appear to be about the same in all regions.
25:39
SPEAKER_04: Its habit of tucking its tail in its mouth and rolling at incredible speed in pursuit of its prey or at a fancied enemy is not duplicated fortunately by other members of the animal kingdom.
25:56
SPEAKER_04: The tale ends in a stinger carrying venom of such power that a dose of but.003 parts per million is sufficient to make even the leather-skinned hoe dog turn green and swell up and die inside of an hour.
26:15
SPEAKER_04: No wonder that folks wise in Woods Lore are wary of the circular engine of destruction.
26:21
SPEAKER_04: They may travel on just one cylinder, but it's all he needs.
26:25
SPEAKER_04: The speed reached in rolling is nothing short of remarkable.
26:29
SPEAKER_04: A full grown jackrabbit is pie for the snake.
26:32
SPEAKER_04: A mature snake, when hooped, has a diameter of approximately 1.5923 feet.
26:39
SPEAKER_04: He has been clocked after being enticed on a cleverly designed rolling metered platform at an RPM of about 10 1056 or a straightway speed of about 60 miles an hour.
26:53
SPEAKER_04: This only way to outrun him is to climb over a fence.
26:56
SPEAKER_04: The snake must unhoop to get through.
26:59
SPEAKER_04: There are many authentic cases of death from the reptile's venom.
27:03
SPEAKER_04: Possibly the most convincing bit of data is that in a fit of peak, a hoop snake stung one of Paul Bunyan's uh PV handles.
27:13
SPEAKER_04: Of course his handle was a sizable stick to start with, but the venom A hoop snake stung one of Paul Bunyan's peevey handles, and of course his handle was a sizable stick to start with, but the venom swelled it to such dimensions that Paul cut it up into 946 cords of wood, and then the dang stuff wouldn't burn.
27:35
SPEAKER_04: Just lay there in the stove and hiss.
27:39
SPEAKER_04: The looferlang.
27:42
SPEAKER_04: The dangerous fellow to meet up with.
27:44
SPEAKER_04: Very likely to attack without any provocation.
27:46
SPEAKER_04: Bites once but once a year.
27:49
SPEAKER_04: So you have a fifth.
27:50
SPEAKER_04: Well you have a pretty good chance that you might not be there.
27:52
SPEAKER_04: True, true.
27:53
SPEAKER_04: But the bite is sure death.
27:54
SPEAKER_04: So you're well, there's that.
27:57
SPEAKER_04: It's kind of a rush of the let uh thing going there.
28:00
SPEAKER_04: Certain unique features make it easy, however, to identify the animal.
28:05
SPEAKER_04: Let me start that uh down the spine.
28:07
SPEAKER_04: A bushy swivel jointed tail set in the middle of the back.
28:10
SPEAKER_04: This appendage is most useful in keeping off the flies.
28:14
SPEAKER_04: And all four legs are triple jointed, so the triple-jointed are what the traveler should be looking for.
28:21
SPEAKER_04: These legs make it possible for the loaferlang to run equally fast in all directions.
28:27
SPEAKER_04: In case of an attack, the victim should suddenly hold a large mirror up beside himself, because we all carry large mirror with us when we go hiking.
28:35
SPEAKER_04: The double image will so confuse the beast that it will rush off in disgust.
28:40
SPEAKER_04: The biting season usually occurs on July twelfth.
28:43
SPEAKER_04: Well, just stay out of the woods on July twelfth.
28:45
SPEAKER_04: There you go.
28:46
SPEAKER_04: An orange-colored handkerchief can speak conspicuous.
28:51
SPEAKER_04: An orange-colored handkerchief can sp you know, it's one of those words I can say it, and then once I can't say it, I can't say it.
28:59
SPEAKER_04: An orange-colored handkerchief displayed with invariably afford no pro uh full protection.
29:06
SPEAKER_04: Green clothing of any shade should be studiously avoided at the season as it serves to arouse the animal further.
29:12
SPEAKER_04: Bam.
29:17
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
29:18
SPEAKER_04: You ready for the next one?
29:20
SPEAKER_04: I am ready.
29:20
SPEAKER_04: Are you ready, ready?
29:21
SPEAKER_04: I'm ready, ready.
29:23
SPEAKER_04: This one might be the one to scare you.
29:24
SPEAKER_04: Uh oh.
29:25
SPEAKER_04: Scare me.
29:26
SPEAKER_04: The wampus cat.
29:27
SPEAKER_03: Oh god.
29:28
SPEAKER_04: Oh, my, please stop.
29:32
SPEAKER_04: The wampus cat.
29:34
SPEAKER_04: Since the first specimen was discovered scratching false blazes on mount trails, it means a blaze is a uh mark on a trail.
29:42
SPEAKER_04: Oh, okay.
29:42
SPEAKER_04: So when it's trying to make people get lost.
29:46
SPEAKER_04: The wampus cat has been blamed for a variety of forest tribulations.
29:51
SPEAKER_04: If a wampus wades a stream, the fish won't bite for seven days.
29:56
SPEAKER_04: When the wampus is on the prowl, the only gained abroad is the full hen.
30:01
SPEAKER_04: The howl of the wampus on a lonely night will curdle the crock of sourdough.
30:07
SPEAKER_04: Females of the species may be killed only with a cross-cut saw.
30:12
SPEAKER_04: The males crock of sourdough.
30:15
SPEAKER_04: The males practically indestructible carry in their fur the germ of blister rust.
30:22
SPEAKER_04: Under the influence of a full moon, the glare from their eyes starts forest fires.
30:27
SPEAKER_04: The footprints are visible only in solid rock, and they steal prospector's picks to brush their teeth.
30:34
SPEAKER_04: Well, that's nice.
30:35
SPEAKER_04: The wampus cat is very hygienic.
30:37
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
30:39
SPEAKER_04: Now the wampus, still abundant in its native Idaho and partic excuse me, and particularly large and violent during the season when the crop of dudes yields are a bushel to the picket line.
30:52
SPEAKER_04: It has an opportunity to redeem itself.
30:54
SPEAKER_04: A favorite pastime of the feline is snatching eagles.
30:58
SPEAKER_04: Choppers on the Salmon River are plagued, they say, with eagles killing deer.
31:03
SPEAKER_04: The game department is angry with the eagles and seeking a solution to the vexing problems.
31:08
SPEAKER_04: Eagle lovers, their name has been has been Legion, are angry with the game department.
31:15
SPEAKER_04: That's kind of a weird way to write it, but okay.
31:18
SPEAKER_04: The simple solution suggested by the Wampus Society.
31:21
SPEAKER_04: Ooh, it's got its own society.
31:22
SPEAKER_04: This is a very, very good.
31:24
SPEAKER_03: It's a very sophisticated cat that has its own society.
31:27
SPEAKER_04: Which is composed of every man who's seen a rampant wampus cat at dusk menacing a mountain lion with a jackhammer.
31:36
SPEAKER_04: Now, did the mountain lion have a jackhammer or does the wampus cat have the jackhammer?
31:40
SPEAKER_04: Because they don't have opposable thumbs, I doubt.
31:43
SPEAKER_04: It's the burden to be turned over to the wampus breed.
31:46
SPEAKER_04: Once the wampus reaches the Eagle County, the feathers will fly.
31:50
SPEAKER_04: Nature has endowed the marvelous cat with an amazing right forearm or works like a folding pruning hook on the pantographic principle.
31:59
SPEAKER_04: Do you remember those commercial or old cartoons where the uh boxing glove would come out?
32:06
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, and they'll come that's that's a uh pantograph.
32:09
SPEAKER_04: Oh it's got one of those in its chest.
32:11
SPEAKER_03: Of course you do.
32:12
SPEAKER_04: So I guess it's where Warner Brothers got into the Looney Tunes.
32:16
SPEAKER_04: Maybe.
32:16
SPEAKER_04: Wampus lurks on a craggy promontory with its tufted ears aslant like the budding prongs of a young goat, and its voice softened from the customary howl of disenfranchised banshee of bleat to the bleat of a kid.
32:32
SPEAKER_04: When an eagle approaches, the strange arm shoots out from the astonishing speed and direction.
32:37
SPEAKER_04: The eagle is caught in real den.
32:40
SPEAKER_04: If the wampus is hungry, he bowers the prey, feathers, beak, and all.
32:44
SPEAKER_04: If his mood is playful, the wampus extracts the tail fan only and releases the bird.
32:51
SPEAKER_04: The feathers are given to the Indians and the feathers are given to the Indians.
32:55
SPEAKER_04: Wampus cats are friendly with the red men.
32:58
SPEAKER_04: That has been if offered to one of the recent Indians never turned in a wampus fur.
33:03
SPEAKER_04: Primitive choppers of the primitive areas have all have all caught them who have caught them declare that the hide runs mostly to quills anyhow, and the color uh is akin to Christmas neckties.
33:18
SPEAKER_04: Interesting.
33:18
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what a Christmas necktie is, but other than I doubt they're talking about I'm pretty sure it's like the ugly ones that dad they buy your dad.
33:27
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
33:27
SPEAKER_03: Unless it's some about the deal pulling your your uh tongue out of your joke.
33:31
SPEAKER_04: Ooh.
33:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
33:32
SPEAKER_02: Ooh.
33:34
SPEAKER_04: Origin of the Wampus on the authority of Stanley Basin Mountain Men dates back to the old-fashioned beaver.
33:41
SPEAKER_04: It seems that a trapper's dog surprised a beaver far from water.
33:45
SPEAKER_04: There was nothing for the animal to do but climb a tree.
33:48
SPEAKER_04: But beavers don't climb trees, so it became a wampus cat.
33:52
SPEAKER_04: Once lured you know, the the the type of DNA changing right there.
33:57
SPEAKER_04: That's quite a yeah.
33:59
SPEAKER_04: Uh once lured to the ballowick of the wicked salmon river eagles, the quick-witted wampus will swiftly eradicate the fowls of the air, perhaps not even sparing the wild turkeys recently planted there.
34:14
SPEAKER_04: A wampus known and knows an eagle, but trouble but trouble is anticipated when the eagle and the turkey cross into a new species known as the turkey goal.
34:24
SPEAKER_04: The wampus could not tell them apart because he cannot spell.
34:32
SPEAKER_04: Fair enough.
34:34
SPEAKER_04: There's half turkey, half eagle, but he can't tell you can't spell, so he can't tell them apart.
34:40
SPEAKER_04: Uh the biggest brought uh the biggest puzzle brought to the attention of the Wampus Society is how to dispose of the wampus once has has been exterminated.
34:49
SPEAKER_04: The pernicious once it has exterminated the pernicious eagle.
34:53
SPEAKER_04: Foraged on its favorite food and happy in the tree, wild environment uh the middle fork and wampus might decide to stay permanently.
35:02
SPEAKER_04: No predator is known that lives on the wampus meat.
35:05
SPEAKER_04: The wampus might become a plague worse than the bird and it's called upon to exterminate.
35:10
SPEAKER_04: Only one Idaho beast has ever put the wampus to route.
35:17
SPEAKER_04: The wiffin' poof poof Oh my goodness.
35:20
SPEAKER_04: Okay.
35:20
SPEAKER_04: The wiffle poof poof it.
35:23
SPEAKER_04: The wiffle poof it.
35:25
SPEAKER_04: Yep.
35:26
SPEAKER_04: Has always been seldom the will.
35:28
SPEAKER_04: Well, you've never seen a woof and poof it?
35:30
SPEAKER_04: I think I smelled one around the campfire, but comes down both sides of the river at once because even the deadly wampus cannot make up his mind, which flying to attack.
35:39
SPEAKER_04: So it folds its pantographic arm and resolves itself into a midnight screech.
35:44
SPEAKER_04: What's a pantographic?
35:45
SPEAKER_04: That's the thing that was studying.
35:46
SPEAKER_04: Oh, that's the thing that came from the like the uh the like the boxing glove.
35:51
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
35:52
SPEAKER_04: So what do you think so far?
35:54
SPEAKER_04: I think the lumberjacks, when they weren't cutting down, they were off their hands.
35:58
SPEAKER_04: They were they had a lot of free time.
36:00
SPEAKER_03: They had a lot of free time, yeah, and probably a lot of drink.
36:03
SPEAKER_03: Probably.
36:05
SPEAKER_03: Uh great imaginations though, for sure.
36:07
SPEAKER_04: Well, it's it I think it'd be interesting if they don't know some of these, because you know, they probably moved from area to area meeting up with other you know, lumberjacks meeting, coming up with different you know, variations and stuff.
36:19
SPEAKER_04: So uh in this last one, I I leave this last one because uh growing up uh in Colorado, being a boy scout and going camping, we actually went hunting for this one on many occasions.
36:30
SPEAKER_04: Alright.
36:31
SPEAKER_04: What you got?
36:32
SPEAKER_04: The snipe.
36:33
SPEAKER_04: The snipe.
36:34
SPEAKER_04: We went snipe hunting a lot.
36:36
SPEAKER_04: Snipe sniping.
36:38
SPEAKER_04: Uh a common bird occasionally seen but never caught.
36:41
SPEAKER_04: Legions of sharp-eyed young foresters, engineers, cruisers, cookies, road men, and hard rock apprentices have made repeated, careful, and valiant attempts to crowd one.
36:52
SPEAKER_04: But notwithstanding the bushels of careful advice and instruction handed out by older hands in the party, success has never yet been attained.
37:02
SPEAKER_04: Seldom does the seasoned woodsman make the attempt.
37:06
SPEAKER_04: He is probably too discouraged to try again, but he is often willing to travel along with the hunting party just to see what happens, or perhaps to offer an occasional word of advice.
37:16
SPEAKER_04: Now see, this is perfect because this is exactly what happened when I went snipe hunting.
37:20
SPEAKER_04: Because I was young enough that, like, oh a snipe?
37:22
SPEAKER_04: Okay, yeah, I thought it was just a bird.
37:24
SPEAKER_04: I didn't know anything.
37:24
SPEAKER_04: And so we were looking for him, and you know, then the older guy, you know, the older kids were like, Oh, look at there's one over there, you know, and like oh yeah, stupid kidding plant didn't know any better.
37:35
SPEAKER_04: Uh but many years ago I was taken on a snipe hunt and was able to get a good look at one bird which stayed near the bag.
37:42
SPEAKER_04: I was so carefully holding uh uh okay, let me many years ago I was taken on a snipe hunt and was able to get a good look at one bird that had stayed near the bag I was holding carefully.
37:55
SPEAKER_04: I couldn't get my hands on the little fellow, but I did have time to study him a bit and find that his and find that my observations tally very closely to those detailed by reports received from mister Howard S.
38:07
SPEAKER_04: Gardner.
38:08
SPEAKER_04: Here's the summary.
38:10
SPEAKER_04: A bird of marvelous coloration, green, blues, pinks, and here and there and glint of gold, whereas both fur and feathers with the fur side inside, like the muka mukachikiwees stands erect about 17 centimeters high on two legs, but has a third auxiliary softly but has a third auxiliary auxiliary slightly aft, so I guess it's got three legs.
38:35
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
38:37
SPEAKER_04: For use as a stabilizer or as a starting mechanism.
38:41
SPEAKER_04: Lacking this additional leg permanent lacking this additional leg permanent unstable equilibrium would result.
38:50
SPEAKER_04: The eyes are fired with constant sulfurous glow and occasionally emitting small showers of sparks.
38:57
SPEAKER_04: Well that's where your forest fire start.
38:59
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
39:00
SPEAKER_04: One pupil is vertical, one horizontal, and winking is done alternately, keeping the snipe constantly alert.
39:08
SPEAKER_04: His sharply hooked uh little beak is m is mounted on a bowl wheel base like a steam shovel, making it possible to capture the insects without turning its head.
39:19
SPEAKER_04: That'd be kind of weird to see.
39:21
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that is weird.
39:22
SPEAKER_03: Alternate winking, like eh, eh-wink, wink, wink, wink, wink, wink.
39:27
SPEAKER_04: And then his beak can like move to the side of his head and whatnot.
39:30
SPEAKER_04: That's kind of weird.
39:31
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
39:33
SPEAKER_03: It is interesting.
39:34
SPEAKER_03: So there's a lot of drunk lumberjacks then.
39:40
SPEAKER_04: Well, like I said, it was before Netflix and uh you had to entertain yourself somehow, and it was I I could see how it'd be interesting if you could have like if you had a lumberjack meet at night, you know, of course the whiskey's flowing, yeah, and uh you got lumberjacks from all over the country that have met up to work in a certain area.
40:01
SPEAKER_03: You want to scare you?
40:03
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, you've got a bit of a you know what?
40:05
SPEAKER_03: Have you not seen the the snipe or the or the uh the the wappaloose?
40:09
SPEAKER_03: Have you never heard of a wappaloose?
40:12
SPEAKER_03: You should hurry your your lemon juice around it because otherwise it looks like it wasn't the same one, but you know, like that kind of thing.
40:18
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I'm sure they all had to updo each other so they kind of grew and grew and grew.
40:23
SPEAKER_04: So it's like it's like the thing like, oh yeah, you had a rough childhood?
40:26
SPEAKER_04: At least you had a childhood.
40:27
SPEAKER_04: You already have that type of thing in a moment.
40:31
SPEAKER_03: So so imagine for a second, so you're you're out for some reason you're out of campfire uh for um I like being in campfires.
40:39
SPEAKER_03: Um that's true, but for your job.
40:41
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
40:41
SPEAKER_03: For your job, you know, you're a lot of people that do the same job as you.
40:45
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
40:45
SPEAKER_03: And you have to come up with a story to impress them and scare them.
40:49
SPEAKER_03: So what do you come up with?
40:50
SPEAKER_03: Not not too far with your job now because of it.
40:56
SPEAKER_03: Well, if I was a lumberjack.
40:59
SPEAKER_03: If you were you, not a lumberjack.
41:00
SPEAKER_04: Oh, oh, well.
41:04
SPEAKER_04: He's trying to get me to tell everybody that I work at a company that makes sex toys.
41:08
SPEAKER_03: Well, I was, but actually, I was saying more like the the warehouse kind of setting on a basis.
41:15
SPEAKER_03: Is an office setting or warehouse setting would you try and scare people with?
41:18
SPEAKER_04: Oh well the well, I the place I work in right now, I have some employees that believe that it's haunted.
41:23
SPEAKER_04: Well, there's that.
41:24
SPEAKER_04: Um we get we get cartons and containers in from China that have these great big beetles in, or not beetles, but roaches.
41:32
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:32
SPEAKER_04: And so there's a I have all the women in well, and some of the guys actually really scared of those.
41:38
SPEAKER_04: I have to go take care of those.
41:40
SPEAKER_04: So probably I would expand on a haunted cockroach.
41:43
SPEAKER_04: Haunted cockroaches that that that lives in like a dark corner of the warehouse.
41:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, that is a pretty good one.
41:48
SPEAKER_04: It comes out like as the lights are being turned off into the day.
41:53
SPEAKER_04: That is a good one.
41:54
SPEAKER_04: Or it likes to jump out when you reach in, when you reach into it.
41:59
SPEAKER_04: No, no, no, no.
41:59
SPEAKER_04: It doesn't come out at night or when the lights are about to go off.
42:03
SPEAKER_04: It likes to hide in the dark back corners of shelves.
42:07
SPEAKER_04: And so when you have to reach in for that last box where you have to stand on your tippy toes to claw at it to finally got a handle on it, it comes out and gets you.
42:16
SPEAKER_03: It gets you.
42:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
42:17
SPEAKER_03: Now would it be it would it be scarier if it jumped at you or you put your hand in and you just something leaks your finger?
42:24
SPEAKER_04: No, no, no.
42:25
SPEAKER_04: What the fuck?
42:26
SPEAKER_04: I think it'd be scarier when it climbs onto your hand.
42:29
SPEAKER_04: You don't it's un you're unable to feel it.
42:34
SPEAKER_04: That's true.
42:34
SPEAKER_04: And then you pull it out, and as you pull it out, you start seeing it.
42:38
SPEAKER_04: But as it's being seen, it kind of starts growing in size.
42:41
SPEAKER_04: Oh, god, yeah.
42:42
SPEAKER_04: And then finally its head has got these budgets noise.
42:48
SPEAKER_02: And he just looks at you and goes and they freak out.
42:53
SPEAKER_04: They freak out and run, and then when it hits the ground, it goes back to normal size and went back into darkness.
42:57
SPEAKER_04: Exactly.
42:57
SPEAKER_04: And everyone thinks you're crazy.
42:59
SPEAKER_04: That's that's that would that would be mine.
43:01
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, I think I agree.
43:04
SPEAKER_03: I mean, there's really not an awful lot of creatures other than oh, you know what?
43:10
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
43:11
SPEAKER_03: A uh a creature that that flies around you and you never see it, but it always wants to eat you.
43:20
SPEAKER_03: Nice.
43:21
SPEAKER_03: Like it like a mosquito.
43:22
SPEAKER_03: And you always hear a joint mosquito.
43:24
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I hate them.
43:29
SPEAKER_03: Every time you look around, it's behind you.
43:31
SPEAKER_03: It's just bad.
43:32
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
43:32
SPEAKER_03: Big like six-foot-tall like mosquito just like hovering behind you.
43:37
SPEAKER_04: There was an episode of Doctor Who where they were the Doctor and the companion were able to see them because they were then particip live on this planet or whatnot.
43:47
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
43:47
SPEAKER_04: But everybody walked around, had a giant beetle stuck on their back with it, like a an appendage stuck sucking like their brains on top of their head.
43:55
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
43:55
SPEAKER_03: Nobody could see it except for them.
43:56
SPEAKER_03: I kinda remember.
43:57
SPEAKER_03: I need to watch Doctor Who, I really do.
44:00
SPEAKER_04: You know, uh uh so going back to the cockroach and it's supposed to be haunted, so you know in your warehouse you actually because of the heat outside and uh there's a lot of metal, you know, as things heat up, they expand and make little groaning noises or pops, you know, or when it gets colder, things start to contract a lot of metal, and you every time you hear that noise, you know.
44:22
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I gotta come up with a name for it now.
44:24
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
44:25
SPEAKER_03: The cockaroosie.
44:27
SPEAKER_03: The cockaroosie.
44:29
SPEAKER_03: So when you're at work in your warehouse or in your office and you hear that little groan.
44:35
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
44:36
SPEAKER_04: Or you it sounds like a box moving.
44:39
SPEAKER_04: Or do we have a little cellophane inside some of the boxes so when you hear that rumbling and you know there's no one around?
44:45
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, it's the cockaroosie.
44:47
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
44:48
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
44:48
SPEAKER_03: Cans cockaroosie.
44:50
SPEAKER_03: There we go.
44:54
SPEAKER_04: But I think that would be scary.
44:56
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, you don't feel it on your hand, and then as you pull it closer, it gets bigger.
45:00
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
45:00
SPEAKER_04: And then it kind of winks at you and says, boom.
45:03
SPEAKER_04: You're done, bud.
45:05
SPEAKER_04: You're done.
45:06
SPEAKER_04: Because if you don't fall down faint and you don't run away, he gobbles you up.
45:11
SPEAKER_03: He got you.
45:12
SPEAKER_03: He got you.
45:12
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
45:13
SPEAKER_04: Then you're like an hour later, it's like, where did such and such go?
45:18
SPEAKER_03: Where's the ramen on the floor?
45:19
SPEAKER_04: Well, they take him a long lunch or the bathroom.
45:22
SPEAKER_03: What's going on?
45:23
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah.
45:24
SPEAKER_03: So Alrighty.
45:26
SPEAKER_04: That sounds good.
45:26
SPEAKER_04: That sounds good.
45:27
SPEAKER_04: How about you?
45:28
SPEAKER_04: If you had to create one.
45:29
SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, there's the mosquito.
45:30
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
45:30
SPEAKER_03: I don't know what to call it though.
45:32
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
45:33
SPEAKER_03: The the Whizzy boy.
45:35
SPEAKER_03: Oh, I like that.
45:36
SPEAKER_03: The Whizby.
45:36
SPEAKER_03: The Whizby.
45:38
SPEAKER_04: I like that.
45:39
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
45:39
SPEAKER_03: The Whizby and the Kakaroosie.
45:41
SPEAKER_03: There you go.
45:42
SPEAKER_04: Two new ones.
45:43
SPEAKER_04: We're in a force.
45:43
SPEAKER_03: On final journey's podcast.
45:45
SPEAKER_04: There we go.
45:47
SPEAKER_03: Alrighty.
45:49
SPEAKER_04: So, which would you rather run into though?
45:52
SPEAKER_03: Not a mosquito for sure.
45:53
SPEAKER_04: No?
45:54
SPEAKER_03: No.
45:54
SPEAKER_03: Oh, you mean of your of your list?
45:56
SPEAKER_03: Oh no, well either.
45:59
SPEAKER_03: Well.
46:00
SPEAKER_03: Let's hope you'd see a giant whale.
46:03
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, before I mean how can you not miss something the size of a whale?
46:07
SPEAKER_04: Just hook it to the side.
46:08
SPEAKER_03: What is there a whale playing the sky?
46:10
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:10
SPEAKER_03: Oh shit, it's coming at me.
46:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:12
SPEAKER_03: I mean, then again, I mean, the the one with the like the lemons, because you just carry lemons around and you're fine.
46:16
SPEAKER_03: Is that a lemon in your pocket or you just happen to see me?
46:20
SPEAKER_03: It's kind of squeezy.
46:22
SPEAKER_03: Don't get it in your eye.
46:23
SPEAKER_04: Um I like the let's see.
46:27
SPEAKER_04: Uh the squonk is fun.
46:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:30
SPEAKER_04: The hide behind that one you can really never hunt.
46:34
SPEAKER_03: You can never see it.
46:35
SPEAKER_03: That's kind of like the mosquito one, too.
46:37
SPEAKER_03: True.
46:37
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:38
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
46:39
SPEAKER_04: Um, I'd have to say that the uh the Wappaloosey are the are the squonk.
46:46
SPEAKER_03: Squonk.
46:47
SPEAKER_03: That's a fun name to say.
46:48
SPEAKER_03: I would go I would go squonk hunting.
46:51
SPEAKER_03: You want to go down the lake and do some squunk hunting?
46:53
SPEAKER_03: Squunk?
46:54
SPEAKER_03: Well, that can worry.
46:55
SPEAKER_03: Squonk hunk in the squonk hunting.
46:57
SPEAKER_03: I can't say those words quickly.
46:59
SPEAKER_04: You never hunting.
47:01
SPEAKER_04: They were never meant to be said that quickly.
47:04
SPEAKER_03: It it defies the the the physics of the human tongue to say those words that quickly.
47:08
SPEAKER_03: Right.
47:09
SPEAKER_03: You need to come up with a a name for a creature that's hard to say.
47:13
SPEAKER_03: It's a something, run.
47:15
SPEAKER_03: So like it's a run.
47:17
SPEAKER_03: You like shit.
47:18
SPEAKER_04: Wait, it's a something from like Scandinavia where they have all the constants together and very few fouls.
47:23
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, exactly.
47:24
SPEAKER_04: Yeah, there we go.
47:24
SPEAKER_04: It's a run.
47:27
SPEAKER_04: Let's offer this up to the people listening that hey, if you have your favorite uh folklore creature, like the ones like similar to the ones that we read that you've heard and we didn't mention here, send them to us.
47:39
SPEAKER_04: We'll mention them on a future episode.
47:41
SPEAKER_04: Or let's have a little contest.
47:43
SPEAKER_04: Ooh, contest.
47:44
SPEAKER_04: I I'm good friends with the alien at the alien solar company, and um we will give a free t-shirt of their choice from the Alien Soda Company or the Phantom Journey Shop for whoever can turn in the best new story.
48:03
SPEAKER_04: Oh yeah, see how I dragged that out?
48:05
SPEAKER_04: That that's that's how you draft that's how you make drama.
48:10
SPEAKER_03: Drama anticipation.
48:11
SPEAKER_03: Drama anticipation.
48:12
SPEAKER_03: So you go to phantomys.com.
48:15
SPEAKER_03: Patient.
48:16
SPEAKER_04: And you can either send Matt or Ken an email or drop it in the um Yeah, there's other three ways to Ken at Phantomjourneys.com, Matt at PhantomJourneys.com, or just click on the uh bottom where it says contact us and it gives you a spot to do it there.
48:31
SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
48:31
SPEAKER_04: Uh we'll collect them for a few weeks or so.
48:35
SPEAKER_04: Um and then when we feel that we have a good uh number of them, we'll do an episode where we'll start reading them back and then uh have some fun.
48:44
SPEAKER_04: Maybe we'll pick a winner or have a voter challenge.
48:47
SPEAKER_04: Do you have people choose the winner?
48:49
SPEAKER_04: But you can win yourself a free t-shirt of your choice.
48:52
SPEAKER_03: Uh free.
48:53
SPEAKER_03: Yes.
48:53
SPEAKER_04: Free quality t-shirt from the Alien Soda Company.
48:57
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
48:58
SPEAKER_04: There we go, people.
48:59
SPEAKER_04: So and we'll put it up on the websites uh to let people know too.
49:02
SPEAKER_03: Speaking of website, go to the website and you can check out lots of fun and interesting things.
49:06
SPEAKER_03: We can have um you can buy yours you can buy yourself lots of stuff, or you can just go check out our blogs, check out our archives.
49:13
SPEAKER_04: Our links to our favorite guests, our special guests.
49:16
SPEAKER_03: Uh, I do happen on the show.
49:18
SPEAKER_03: Do you have a um another link to put up there?
49:21
SPEAKER_03: Uh a friend of mine wrote a book.
49:22
SPEAKER_03: I'm gonna I'm gonna get the details in the next episode.
49:25
SPEAKER_03: Okay, we'll put that up real quickly.
49:27
SPEAKER_03: Um but I'm asking him if if he wants to have a little advert advertisement put out for him, but he's he's busy as hell and he hasn't got back to me yet.
49:34
SPEAKER_03: But as soon as he does and he wants to definitely um help him out a little bit.
49:38
SPEAKER_03: Just throw his book out there a little.
49:40
SPEAKER_04: And you can help us out by going to whatever platform you listen to your uh podcast to and give us a five-star review.
49:46
SPEAKER_04: Please go out, find a hundred people, shake them by the collars, tell them that they must, must, and have to listen to the Phantom George podcast.
49:54
SPEAKER_03: You must listen to the Phantom George podcast, but do not shake them.
49:57
SPEAKER_04: And then uh if you would like, you can go to the store on the merch section on our website, and any purchase that you uh make, the profits go to right back into the show.
50:08
SPEAKER_04: We do not take it and put them in our pocket, we use it to buy uh new equipment.
50:13
SPEAKER_04: Um we plan on doing some investigations to get some new equipment for that.
50:18
SPEAKER_04: And we just use the money to make the show better.
50:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
50:23
SPEAKER_03: Sounds good.
50:24
SPEAKER_04: So anything else to add?
50:26
SPEAKER_04: I think that's it.
50:27
SPEAKER_04: Well, I've been Ken.
50:28
SPEAKER_04: And I have been Matt.
50:29
SPEAKER_04: And you've been listening to The Phantom Journeys Podcast.
50:35
SPEAKER_03: Hey, where's my lemon?
50:36
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50:38
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50:45
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50:47
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50:51
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50:59
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51:03
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51:13
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51:19
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51:23
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51:26
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51:33
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51:37
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51:42
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