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Rabbi Moshe Haber Path of the Just The Art of Balanced Living: Social Yet Independent 7.27.25 · Rabbi Moshe Haber - Daily Mussar/Weekly Perasha

• 0:02
  These two bargains about pretty shoot what pretty sure we're
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  talking about now social pretty shoot again.
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  This is something that could be misunderstood very dangerous,
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  but it probably understood very healthy for a person in many
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  ways pretty should means abstaining what social pretty
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  shoot his words are who is both the duty to be by Dylan and
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  Hebra Medinitz a person having the capability to separate
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  themselves from the Hebra the Panoli boards if we have time
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  turn his money to a shame. What does it mean you separate
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  yourself from the Hebra. What does that mean?
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  That means that a person says I don't need to be fully social at
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  all times. I'm not so connected to my
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  social surroundings. I don't.
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  I have to have friends, of course, but I don't need to be
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  so socially connected. That's considered some degree of
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  separating from the heaven. Now he tells you, obviously many
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  instructions to explain this is not a real thing that a person
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  should say, OK, I'm going to become a hermit and I'd say it's
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  OK, right? Don't tell me I have it without
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  giving me the rights to to seclude myself.
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  We all know where those people go.
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  Oh, but it's not important condition.
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  Should we take embezzle like a person should not know the other
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  extreme either. Our mind, our thinking should be
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  along with other people, should be come by with other people.
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  There's a sore on the neck of those who are badim, which means
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  those who actually learn. How does learning relate to
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  social was seen a second those who learn alone.
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  Not only is it not good, it's considered destructive for our
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  people to learn alone is considered a very negative thing
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  hidden also Naheem Sotomayor Hamim.
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  We call people sit and learn alone.
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  We call them enemies of the rabbis.
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  I got a letter to that all day. He learns alone, according to
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  the statement. He's considered, according to
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  the Gemara, an enemy. He's a badim, terrible about
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  him. She was dream about the bad
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  people who sit and learn Torah alone.
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  Secluded are not only considered not as good, not only
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  considered, you know, not the best.
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  They considered terrible aliyah, khaber haidah mana.
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  To be clearly a person has to associate with others that to be
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  friendly with others and by the way, there are many people who
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  make the argument when I learn alone, it's more peaceful when I
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  learn alone, there's no distractions when I sit and
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  studying alone, there's no one is going to get me into a side
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  schmooze flowers. It makes sense to learn alone
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  and the command is telling you not only is that incorrect, the
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  opposite is true. Learning alone is way more
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  destructive for the Twitter and learning with the group.
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  So this is all proving you're learning commentator, as I
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  consider the law, so many people who do learn along today, their
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  response is I learned with the Safari.
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  So it's an out, but not great, still not great.
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  So this is all pointing to the fact this is learning, but it's
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  also true it's social. We definitely need to have a
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  social surrounding. We need to be along with people,
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  whether it be a learning or just in general having friends.
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  So what is this having medium? He started off by saying there's
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  a concept out there called being Porsche, separating, having a
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  degree of getting away from the friends surroundings.
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  But at the same time he brings from learning from other places
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  how bad it is for a person to be secluded.
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  How we find the balance is difficult.
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  Let's see it in a second. Eliot Khabet ha Adama matalim A
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  person should connect to good people Zaman ma for a certain
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  amount of time, shimisarekhlo whatever is necessary, the Li
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  mudo le panasato for his learning or for his income via
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  baudeta Kaka. And then he should also separate
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  the Da pic Bello Cabo da siga kyoshi Valvoda and Mitit in
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  order to connect the ocean. So he should be social, put in
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  the pen. How do you find this balance?
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  Sociable independent Oberkla there along with this
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  independent mindset, he says le mait BD Boro don't be such a
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  talker. Who is the head Manasi habetela
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  and avoid this having right random hackesh muzu shalole
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  estaquel hoots ma Bah motam and don't look at everything you see
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  the hen Cole queer to present a person can turn themselves into
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  second nature. A very social person avoid that.
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  So how do you have this balance? What is the balance?
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  Should I be social as he's telling me that if you're a
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  loner, you're in big trouble or should I be independent?
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  What's the balance? So the mindset is this.
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  I'll give it to you in a few ways.
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  He brought over here. There's a concept that a person
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  should have a good a good group and he quoted that you're a dot.
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  Your mind should be more whatever along with other
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  people. So what does that mean?
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  Should I be long or not? That's the talk.
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  The way it works is if a person is really secluded, if you're
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  alone, what ends up happening is as your mind goes loony, you
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  lose practical way of thinking. If you think of in a certain
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  sense it's related. If you think of the fact in
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  politics, the fact that some of the wealthiest people was elite
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  people have some of the craziest ideas in politics, It's because
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  to me, as how it seems, they have the zero connection to the
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  reality of what they're talking about.
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  So they might leave LA in a in LA in a secluded community right
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  in the gated area, or they have no at all connection to the
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  minorities that they're caring about or whatever they're
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  talking about. They would never even look at
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  them and let it do with them. So they have no relation to the
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  world at large. They don't walk the streets and
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  they don't really deal with people that way.
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  And because of that, their mind can go crazy.
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  That's one example. People with their opinions.
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  Who are the people that have the most crazy opinions?
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  You are the people who have nothing to do with reality,
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  right? The guy has an opinion of how a
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  shool should run. The guy's got to shoot out how a
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  shool should run. Chances are if his opinion is
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  outlandish, it's because you never was on a board of a school
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  of honor committee and never did anything as a volunteer.
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  He doesn't send insurance and outs.
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  The more you are separated from something, the more your mind
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  can go off the rails in any area is how it works right?
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  People have opinions about school, usually those outlandish
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  opinions. Everyone's got a tuition crisis
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  figured out. Who are the geniuses who have
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  tuition crisis figured out? The guy who never saw the
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  balance sheet of a school? The other guy might also be anti
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  tuition, but he knows the reality.
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  He knows what he's up against. He knows how difficult it's
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  going to be to figure it out, not got to look at the balance
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  sheet every day all the time. And he knows what's going on and
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  you know, it's going to take a lot to shift the numbers.
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  So being part of society, being part of the mix allows us,
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  enables us to have a normal, rational, regular way of
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  thinking, right. So this point to the fact that
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  being part of a group good thing or a bad thing, good thing, how
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  does it relate to learning? Why is learning alone so bad?
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  Learning alone is so bad. When you sit down and you learn,
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  you have an idea and you continue to go with that idea
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  and you build that. You build that, you build on it
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  and you create a concept. There you go and you create a
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  concept all based on your own mind.
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  When you have hover taught, when you have people bouncing around,
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  you have a group. You say it to them.
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  Someone shoots it down and says that's really extreme.
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  And now you look for more proofs.
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  Now you look for more confirmation.
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  Now you make sure that it makes sense and now you clarify if it
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  could be repeated and if it can be repeated to a group and it's
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  going to get by. It's logical, it's rational,
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  it's normal, it's accepted. You get to go.
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  If you're alone, you say your ideas, you're a loony and they
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  end up going off the rails. That's the mindset.
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  That's why you need to have a group that's pro group.
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  So where's the idea of being as he started off, Paresh?
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  Why must a person be separated from the unit?
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  If he's telling you clearly, we just built a person should be
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  part of a habuda. Here's what if an individual,
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  his legacy is he's a good member of the group.
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  If that's his legacy, he's limited.
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  If all you are, any of us are part of a group, we're all
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  limited. Why We live in it because
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  there's no way I'm going to exceed anyone else.
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  There's no way I'm going to shine past any other person.
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  There's no element of myself that's unique if all I am is a
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  good part of the group. Certain people are super social
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  and that is their entire existence is how social they
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  are. If you're that kind of person,
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  chances are there are not so many things that you're very
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  likable, you're easy to get along with, but there are not so
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  many things that make you stand out.
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  And that sort of thing we want to have because we want to have
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  our own legacy. You want to have your legacy.
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  I want to have my legacy. Now, how do I do this?
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  If I'm part of the unit, which what he told me to do, and I'm
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  thinking along the group and I'm working along the group, and my
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  ideas are rational because I'm part of them, how then do I have
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  my independence? And this is the perfect balance
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  you need to have. You need to be a person who's
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  social but is perfectly comfortable being alone.
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  That's the balance. A person who likes getting along
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  with other people but has no problem, and who likes spending
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  time just thinking that is the perfect balance they're telling
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  you about. You have those to bounce off of.
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  You have those to work your ideas with them, but you also
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  have your own mind. That's great.
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  The greatest people out there are that balance because on the
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  one hand, they work with others. They figure out ideas based on
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  others. They developed concepts working
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  with what other people think are normal.
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  But at the same time, they're unique.
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  They're independent thinkers. They can build an independent
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  idea. You can't be an inventor.
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  You can't be someone who can't wear a new idea.
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  If all you're thinking about all the aloneness how other people
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  think, because if they think and I think like them, how am I
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  going to be unique? It's not possible even in
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  learning and ta da, I can't just bounce off their ideas of
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  learning and say let my idea be like yours, because then I'm
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  never going to come up with a heduch in my life.
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  How can I have a heduch if all I'm saying is what they're
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  saying, right? It says you need this balance.
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  The balance is a social person, a guy who gets along with
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  others, a person who gets out, person who sees other people, a
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  person who bounces ideas off of other people.
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  But at the same time, you're extremely independent driven.
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  That means you take walks, you do things yourself, you think
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  yourself, you spend time alone, and you just allow your own mind
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  to work itself. Every person, no two people have
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  the same face. We know that from the no two
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  people have the same mind either.
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  And every person because of his own makeup.
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  There are things that you can come up with, damn, without
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  another compass and all the things that I'll come up with
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  that you'll never come up. Every one of us, how is that
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  possible? It's not possible because either
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  one of us is smarter than the other.
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  It's because our makeup, our background, our education, our
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  parents, our temperament, everything about each one of us
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  creates our own self. And that self, you know, AIA is
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  awesome. I was in the car last night.
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  My kids found out a way how to do a call AI so they can get
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  past. I know iPhone they get right
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  past. So you can call AI.
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  You know that you can call AI on the phone, the phone number to
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  call and ask questions. OK, so I have two cars.
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  This AI works. I have two cars.
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  My car is a Honda. My wife's car is a minivan
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  Toyota. OK, now you can imagine which
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  child. I think it was a mini Toyota.
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  You can imagine which child, one of my kids wants more.
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  He's probably having at least at the minimum of Tesla.
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  He's really inching out for a cyber truck as his goal now.
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  It's not going to work and try to tell a robber's not going to
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  have a cyber truck. You can try say he calls up AI,
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  OK, he calls up AI and you can imagine and he asked them
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  questions. It's not working out.
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  Anyhow, one of the questions he asked them is what are the best
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  car companies? OK, it's on speaker in the car.
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  My wife and I in the front and he's in the back seat on speaker
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  in the car. What are the best car companies?
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  No joke. AI answers, lady answers.
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  She says, well, Toyota and Honda are the most reliable companies
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  out there. I says never mind, never mind.
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  No, no, he is. Oh, mine.
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  But AI is going to be, it's awesome.
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  It's going to be yours, but there will never be one
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  individual's way of thinking and you'll always retain.
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  There'll be a lot of people's way of thinking, but that'll be
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  one of the visuals. You'll always retain your unique
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  mind, and every person's unique mind can create something
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  special. How does it happen if he's too
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  socially connected in an unhealthy way, which means if
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  everything that goes into his mind, he says, what are others
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  going to say? What are they going to say?
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  What are they going to think? How do they think?
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  Then he's limited. He's all back and it can never
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  grow. You notice in work you're trying
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  to be unique. In work you're trying to make
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  more money, and the other guy has to come from a unique
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  caliber. And if you always think about
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  other people think, there's no way to be unique.
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  You have to develop your own independent think.
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  At the same time, we have to be held back in a good way to the
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  way of normal logic. If we go to our own mind too
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  much to an extreme and gobble ideas that are ridiculous and
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  are insane and ways of thinking as well for life.
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  Every person needs to have this very healthy balance.
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  So he's telling you, Yadri Paresh, separate.
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  Don't be so connected or reliant on the group around you, but at
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  the same time, you need to have independence to you.
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  You have to be alone at times. You have to think on your own.
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  Every novel idea comes from this combination.
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  I would others think and bouncing off about this,
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  whatever people say that idea was a knock off of somebody
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  else. It's true.
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  Every idea out there is a knock off.
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  There's no guy that comes up with a brand new idea.
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  He's not right of as from scratch.
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  They build on something else, but they use their own unique
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  way to see things in a satellite.
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  Anything when it comes to any area of life, whether it be
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  learning any hiduch in Dora is a knock off.
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  Every single hiduch is based on someone else's way of thinking
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  with a unique twist every edition and venting is also a
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  knock off and based on starting mechanisms.
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  And they came up with a new idea.
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  Any idea that institutions builds on?
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  OK, I can tell you from the back end of running a shoe, any idea
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  that an institution comes up with every single one is that
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  combination of a knock off with a unique twist.
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  Every single one. You're never going to come up
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  with a brand new idea from scratch.
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  It's not normal, it doesn't happen.
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  And by the way, chances are it's not healthy either.
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  You need to have that blend in your mind.
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  Any institution and your family. We're a part of the masses or a
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  part of the group, but we have our own unique way of thinking.
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  That combination can lift you further and no one else can get
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  to. If you have your own unique way,
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  you never take it down a drop. You know they love to talk about
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  independence and independent people allowing people to
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  express themselves. Every person has to be allowed
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  to express themselves. But a part of the mainstream,
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  not a part of craziness. That combo is the perfect
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  person. Stop with this.