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Surviving the Season You Didn’t Ask For · The Boujee Multipreneur

• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, welcome back to the Bougie Multipreneur.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm your host, Dr.
• 0:21
  SPEAKER_00: Hillary.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: Today I'd like to talk about showing up while falling apart, where we're working through grief, loss, and life's hard seasons.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's something I've talked about in the past, and I think it's always relevant and a good topic to bring back around.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: There are so many seasons where our life doesn't pause, but our heart wants to.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: In this episode, I'm going to talk about what it really looks like to keep showing up for work for yourself and for the people who rely on you while you are navigating the grief or the loss or the divorce or the illness or whatever personal crisis you have going on.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's not always about powering through it or pretending everything's fine.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's about learning how to show up differently, maybe more honestly, gently, uh, with boundaries that can protect your energy.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: So I'll share some practical ways to survive the season and how to redefine maybe productivity and why allowing support doesn't really make you weak, it makes you human.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're in a hard chapter right now and wondering how are you supposed to keep going on, this episode is for you.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: If you're in a great chapter right now, maybe you just want to listen to it to help others.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: But grief doesn't check your calendar before it arrives, right?
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: Um it happens, it shows up when we are a business owner, a leader, a caregiver.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: It just shows up.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and neither is productivity, right?
• 1:59
  SPEAKER_00: When we name this reality of whatever it is in life that you're going through right now, um, we're feeling disconnected from work, family, life, friends, or exhausted, maybe, short-tempered, uh foggy, can't remember what we're doing, what we're supposed to do, making lists.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it doesn't mean that you're failing in life.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Uh this isn't weakness, it's just a part of us being human.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: So, what does it mean to show up in life and for those around us?
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: It means that um it doesn't have to be 100% of your energy.
• 2:38
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be that perfect leader at work and home.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't you don't have to be available to everyone.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: But showing up might look more like doing the bare minimum or delegating more than you used to, canceling on your friends and your business associates because it's not what's essential right now, and saying, I don't have the capacity right now.
• 3:05
  SPEAKER_00: So, what this is all trying to say is we need to lower the bar, if you will, and to be more on purpose.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: We um the survival seasons aren't the time to expand and grow, they're just for maintenance.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: So keep in mind, maybe you're in maintenance mode right now.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: So when you are going to work and you have to work and you need to show up and you need to lead others, maybe, or maybe the whole work is you and you're the lone person.
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_00: How do you show up for work without losing yourself?
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Well, you don't have to tell everyone your story, especially if you're not ready for it.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but you do owe yourself some boundaries.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, for instance, you might tell someone I am having a personal situation going on.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I might be a little bit more quiet than usual.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Or just so you know, I am not like upset at you or the way things are going.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just going through a lot right now.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: So I just wanted to let you know in case I seem them coming off different.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: This is something actually that we do at my chiropractic office when myself or especially one of the other doctors that I work with are going through something, we just tell each other, you know, my capacity is limited right now.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm not gonna do more than my bare minimum.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, and I appreciate you having grace and understanding.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I find that just being upfront and honest really helps because we've all been there.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't want to think that someone's ignoring me or being rude to me when they're going through their own stuff.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: And I just need to give them grace and say, I understand, how can I help you?
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_00: How can I show up for you?
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: What can I take off your plate so you're not so stressed out?
• 4:53
  SPEAKER_00: So decide what things have to be done and then let the rest wait.
• 4:58
  SPEAKER_00: Again, maybe you're in a maintenance phase, you're not growing right now.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: You know the saying where it says, like, you can't pour from an empty cup, but you can sip it, right?
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: Self-care during this time of grief could look differently for everyone, but we have to remember that we need to drink a lot of water.
• 5:19
  SPEAKER_00: We need to get exercise, like just taking a walk every day or several times a day, short walks.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe we need to go to bed earlier because we all know how important sleep is.
• 5:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I'd also say as a chiropractor, continue with your chiropractic adjustments and keep your nervous system regulated during this, right?
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And if you cry, don't apologize.
• 5:41
  SPEAKER_00: This is part of life, you know.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Give yourself permission to change things up, to slow down.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe you're just not the strong one all the time.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: Check in your check in with yourself every day or at night.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: You know, what do I have to realistically give today before you start, right?
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Or what are what's one positive thing that happened today, or what's one only one thing I need to do tomorrow?
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: Another thing to think about is that this season that you're in is not forever, right?
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: We all know that.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And we've all been through seasons, but sometimes when you're in one, you think to yourself, how long is this gonna last?
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: And if only we knew, but we don't.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but during this season, you are not broken, you're just healing.
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_00: I really like the term, you're in this maintenance phase, right?
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: This season will shape who you are, um, but it's not gonna define you.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_00: And you know how we always like have something that happens to us and we learn out later, like why it happened, or we learn something about ourselves, or something that really changes our life.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I like to say, like, oh, I look forward to seeing like what that is, but when you're in the midst of it, it's hard to think positive like that, isn't it?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what we tell others.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Um, however, why is it so hard to tell ourselves?
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Showing up like imperfectly to your family, to your friends, to your work still counts.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And surviving in this moment is still success.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: So don't think that you're not being successful right now.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to be impressive right now, you just need to be present.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: I like how um Brene Brown always talks about um having your permission and how vulnerability isn't weakness, it's courage.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: Uh, and that courage can look and show up very messy and quiet and not your best, but we don't need to pretend that everything's fine.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I've I've read a lot of Brene Brown books and listened to her, and a lot of great little tips that she says over and over.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of the books seem very similar all the time.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but apparently it's something that we all need to hear over and over again.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: I feel that I often re-listen to her audibles uh sometimes on the 1.5 screen uh or 1.5 speed.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: And um, you know, it it is just something you gotta maybe keep reminding yourself.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: Another um author, Glenn Doyle, talks about how we can survive hard things by listening to ourselves instead of overriding ourselves.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: So, in seasons of like grief and loss and illness, um, that your self-trust matters more than your productivity at that point.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: So you don't need to be louder, you don't need to be stronger during this season, you just need to be honest with yourself and maybe others too, but about what you can handle.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: Some of us have heard about uh John Gordon.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: So he talks about um a lot of like business and team, teamwork and how energy matters, um especially in leadership, and that sometimes protecting your energy might mean saying no or canceling different meetings or letting your team carry more weight for a while.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: I used to really struggle with delegating and allowing other people to help me, but I tell you what, once you do that, your team really flourishes.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: And a lot of us like to be needed.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_00: Um, like I love to help.
• 9:31
  SPEAKER_00: And when someone asks for help, I think, wow, they they need me, and um it like fills my cup, you know what I mean?
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_00: So even if you might have a hard time asking for help, you might actually fill someone else's cup in that manner.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Um, so something to think about too.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: But um we want to um focus on, you know, being a responsible leader, um, and not like a total withdrawal from from work, but you know, asking for help too.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: So one thing that I've um learned from a lot of like uh business leaders and coaches and authors is that healing doesn't require rushing, it just requires honesty, time, and grace.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you are allowed to take all of those.
• 10:19
  SPEAKER_00: So I hope that you have enjoyed this podcast.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's a great conversation for us all to have and listen to and redefine what maybe showing up looks like and how we can give our permission to operate differently in different seasons of our life.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, that surviving this season isn't failure, it's strength, actually.
• 10:43
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're in the middle of something heavy, you're not alone.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: Um, this episode is just a reminder that this season is part of your story, but it won't be the whole thing.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that you have a wonderful day.