Latest / Back Porch Confessions / Why Trauma Survivors Isolate
Transcript
- Gravesb41: Y'all, let me tell you about one of my favorite little gyms back home in Robinson, Illinois. If you're looking for boutique style that feels good, fits right, and doesn't break the bank, you have to stop by Polished Boutique, owned by my sweet friend, Mindy, and her two friends, Jennifer and Valerie. And it's ran with heart, y'all. Polished is one of those places where you're not just shopping, you're family. From on-trend outfits, cozy everyday staples, That's a wrap on this episode of Back Porch Confessions. Where the tea is hot, the stories are real, and we never apologize for keeping it honest. Produced and edited by the magic makers over at Zay Media. Until next time, keep your porch talk spicy and your secrets safe, mostly. Welcome to Back Porch Confessions, where the sweet tea is strong, the stories are stronger, and no topic is too taboo for the porch. Grab a seat, kick off your shoes, and let's get into the kind of conversation your mama warned you about, but you listen anyway. Hey, hey, it's me again. ⁓ Generation X will hear this and go, ⁓ that's funny, I it, but hey, it's me again, Margaret. Anyway, I'm in a humorous mood today. Don't ask me why, it just happens once in a while. We'll take it. So, Back porch Confessions again, welcome in. Today I'm gonna be speaking on the conversation of why trauma survivors often isolate. ⁓ It's gonna be like a... Hey beautiful people, it's Barbara here from Backport's Confessions. You know, I am only gonna share what I truly love. And y'all, this one's a game changer. Our Way Skin by AYXA is a simple, luxurious skincare created with real women in mind. Think clean ingredients, formulas you can see and feel, smoother texture, that healthy glow and confidence looking back at you in the mirror. 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About the trauma, the isolation, ⁓ emotional safety, hyperindependence, and a fear of being hurt again. So that's everything I'm gonna get into. Welcome back to Back Porch Confessions. The Back Porch is where, as always, we have healing that gets honest, trauma that gets unpacked, and sometimes we laugh through the pain, the agony. the crappery that goes around in this world. surviving life is expensive emotionally. And we know that. If you've been in this room long enough, you know that. So tonight we are talking about something millions of people silently struggle with, isolation. Why do trauma survivors pull away from people? Why do some people disappear when they're hurting? Why do people crave love but avoid connection? And why does being alone sometimes feel safer than being loved? Isolation as an emotional protection. That's what we do. That's pretty much the beginning of it. I'm going to break that down for you. Emotional isolation. It is a coping mechanism where people withdraw emotionally or physically to protect themselves from pain, rejection, disappointment, even emotional overwhelm. The why behind it? Trauma survivors often isolate because their nervous system learned people are unsafe. When sometimes someone experiences repeated hurt, betrayal, abandonment, neglect, rejection, chaos in their life, emotional unpredictability, the brain adapts. As you keep hearing me say over and over again, our brains adapt. It starts prioritizing survival over connection. For some people, isolation isn't about not loving people. It's about fearing what people can do to them emotionally. What does that mean? Due to them emotionally. Is it ringing a bell for some of you? Some of you were probably in your car or at work or wherever it is you're listening and you're going, ⁓ I do that. Huh? Well, it's hyperindependence. That's what it's called. Hyperindependence is a trauma response where people rely only on themselves because depending on others, one's led to pain. Why? Many trauma survivors learned, if I need people, I get hurt. If I ask for help, someone holds it over my head when they've helped me. if I asked for someone to be there and they said they would and they just decided not to show up. It's scenarios like that. So they become self-reliant. You become self-reliant to the point of emotional exhaustion. And hear me out on all this. So oftentimes that person, they'll say things like, I got it. I'm good. Per my last podcast, I'm fine. I don't need help. Meanwhile, internally, they're drowning. You're drowning. So how many times have you, as one of my listeners, as a survivorist, survivalist, whichever word, ⁓ how many of you can identify with that? How many of you are already hearing yourself in the things that I've already said? So when you're internally combusting like that. but you refuse to let people in. Where do you think that's going to lead you? What path is that going to lead you down? You have such a fear of being hurt or rejected or abandoned that you stick to yourself. 95 % of the time. Maybe 3 % you let someone kind of in, 1 or 2 % you might let somebody in a little bit further. But there's almost a zero chance that you're going to really let somebody in and be emotionally safe and connected with them. or you'll even ask them for help. You'll allow them to help you. You won't. Why? Because you have a fear of vulnerability. Again, this is a play on everything that we just did. But that vulnerability, that fear of it, is an emotional fear. A fear that honesty, openness, ⁓ emotional exposure will lead to, again, the things that you fear the most, rejection, abandonment, shame, punishment. home. So when survivors... trauma survivors really, open up and get hurt repeatedly, vulnerability starts to feel very dangerous. I need everybody to raise their hand that agree with this. can't see you, but I'm going to raise mine. Vulnerability does feel dangerous. So when I made the conscious decision to write a book, I'm working on that, Tina. Don't come at me. ⁓ To be an open book on here, on my TikTok lives, and to answer questions openly and to admit openly to the world my own mistakes, my own fears, my own vulnerability. That was a very tough thing to do. because I've learned repeatedly over and over again in my life that vulnerability is dangerous and people will use it against you. I took on that risk. I take on that risk knowing that people are ugly, that people sometimes have nothing better to do than to come to your world and stir the pot of crap. if you're gonna be. a movie star, a singer, anybody that is a social presence, you run the risk of correct being in your life. It's not for the weak. I will tell you that. So even if a healthy love comes at those of us that have been hurt repeatedly, It can feel threatening. A healthy love, a healthy relationship, it can feel threatening. the survivor will want connection. They'll want to crave understanding or they do crave understanding. But the moment someone gets close... the nervous system starts to panic. You're constantly on the lookout for the next shoe to fall off. You're waiting for the person to just blow up and walk away. You're waiting for the person to just not understand you at all. You're waiting for the person to completely reject you, abandon you, punish you, cause you pain, or use your emotions against you in some way or somehow. You're always on the guard for that. The nervous system panics. some trauma survivors confuse peace with isolation. because chaos once lived inside relationships. How does that happen? So chaos lived inside our relationships. So we isolate to try to find peace. So along with that comes the confusion of what actually is peace and what is just isolation. We get lost in the translation of that isolation. ⁓ I know that. for some of us that have a lot of... How do I put it? A lot of things in our lives, impacts. If you're the person that takes on everybody else's energy emotionally, you're empathetic. Sorry. If you're an empath, sometimes you do need to isolate. But that isolation is to be able to reset your emotional energies, to reset your mental health. That isolation is needed. Don't confuse that isolation with the isolation that you do when you're trying to just protect yourself from actually being loved, from actually being seen, from the possibility of someone causing you pain. And you're trying to fool yourself that it's peace. I don't know, I'm not doing any of that. I'm not taking any of that. I'm not getting a part of that. They're not gonna get in here with that. I choose peace. I choose peace. How many times do I hear somebody saying that repeatedly and with such like vigor, I choose peace. Okay, you choose peace or are you really choosing isolation? Because you probably got the two confused because isolation is protection. So, emotional exhaustion and social withdrawal. Social withdrawal happens when? When emotional exhaustion causes people to retreat from relationships, conversations, or even whole environments. have, at times, when I've been emotionally depleted, I've given all I can for the day, I just don't have it in me. I have to protect my own mental health. It's not that I don't love the person that's... in their TikTok room doing their live. It's just that at that point, I got nothing else to give. And that happens, especially if you are one that has been a traumatic, through traumatic things in life, you're a trauma survivor. So social withdrawal happens when emotional exhaustion causes people to retreat from relationships, conversations, or environments. That's what I mean when I say environments. Trauma survivors. spend enormous amounts of enormous amounts of emotional energy trying to stay regulated. Again, when I say a trauma survivor, empathetic people have to isolate to reset, this is kind of a little bit what I'm talking about. So when the empathetic person is the trauma survivor who is an empathetic person is is trying to stay regulated. They've spent an entire day, two days a week, however long it's been overthinking for that other person and everything around them scanning for danger at any moment. People pleasing, emotionally masking things, managing anxiety internally. They're squishing, they're suppressing, they're hiding it. because they don't want to be seen. And eventually what happens with these people, what happens with you is you'll find yourself shutting down. Is shutting down going to be the best thing? Probably not, but it's what you've grown to know to be your safest place. Sometimes isolation is not rejection. Sometimes when you're on the other side of the person that's trying to isolate, you feel rejected. You feel like I've done something wrong, especially if you're also a trauma survivor. Sometimes it's just emotional survival. And what does that mean? Sometimes it's emotional survival. What happens to the person that has taken on everybody else's energies? and they just have nothing else left to give. What are they doing for themselves, with themselves? They're just hanging on the line of survival. They're just hanging on by a thread. They're hanging on by that little piece of dental floss, know, that little thin piece of string that you use. That's how they're hanging on to life. Their mental stability is at its brink. feeling misunderstood. ⁓ That's part of the hidden loneliness that goes into some of this stuff. Part of the hidden loneliness that... ⁓ a lot of people that are trauma survivors feel because they don't want to be open. and they don't want people to see their pain. I get out of the rejection and all the other things. I know you're probably tired of hearing me say it, but it all intertwines with one another, I promise. ⁓ The hidden loneliness often comes from what I feel is more of a feeling of misunderstood, being misunderstood ⁓ or misunderstanding other people and their intentions. So emotional disconnection happens. And when you emotionally disconnect from situations, you withdraw and you isolate. Some people like to call that peace. For a moment it might be peace, but you won't be able to stay there. Emotional disconnection occurs when someone feels unseen. ⁓ Someone feels misunderstood. someone feels emotionally unsupported. or they're even just simply unable to fully relate to others. Like all they can hear is their woe. and they can't really grasp what the other side is going through in our saying. you're unable to relate. Have you ever felt that way? Like you're just unable to relate. to what someone is saying or going through. Because you yourself are in so much pain, agony, self-hate, loathing, ⁓ protection, panic mode. I could go on and on. You're so focused on them hearing. your pain? to an extent. that you're unable to fully see theirs. many trauma survivors feel different from everybody else. We often think, or they often think, that nobody understands them. There's a lot of people that actually do understand. but you won't connect with them. you end up being defensive and twisting things that aren't meant the way they said it. ⁓ You often think that you're too much. How many of you ever felt that way? How many of you have felt like you're too much? I know I have on occasion. I know I find myself apologizing for, you know, what's going on, the things that I'm, you know, get word vomit every once in a while. And I'm like, I'm sorry, that was too much. I shouldn't have laid that all on you. And I find myself when I do that to people, I will pull away from them because I feel like they're tired of hearing me. It's kind of like that caretaker exhaustion. So I just quit talking about it and I internalize things and then life gets even worse because I've internalized. ⁓ But they'll also often think that They're hard to love. I do. I think that a lot. I feel that a lot. I'm hard to love. I am so hard to love. There's nothing easy about loving me. I'm a complicated hurricane. Like, I'm just a storm that's rolling in. That's how I feel sometimes. Explaining myself sometimes is exhausting. trying to get someone else to understand what it is that I'm especially when they are deflecting. Trying to get them to understand where I am at and why I am saying the things that I'm saying and why I feel the way I feel is near to impossible. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever been just completely exhausted from trying to explain yourself and you're just over it? Like you're just done. I can't, I can't do this anymore. You go do you today. If you want to take what I said and you want to turn it in to whatever the heck it is you've done, turn it into go, go do you be done with it. Cause that's how I can get sometimes because I'm emotionally exhausted. I'm too tired to deal with somebody else's defenses that are coming up because they don't want to take the time to actually hear. They're not open. And it happens. I'm not the only one that happens to what I'm describing right now. Over half of you were on the other side of this going, hmm, that's exactly what I do. I get cut. I turn people down. I snap and I shut that shit down. That's what we do when we feel. the exhaustion from trying to explain ourselves. When we're trying to be vulnerable enough to let somebody in and they refuse to hear what you're saying, that's hard. That's a real hard place to be. And sometimes when you're so mentally exhausted from everything around you, you will cut. You don't mean to, but you shut it down because you know that's your limit. You have reached your limit. You can no longer handle that situation anymore. Not today. Not today, Satan. I ain't doing it. Many of the people that know me, they have seen me do this. They have seen me do it on my lives. They have seen me do it with people in my life. And when I get to that boundary, when I reach that point, I know it now. I didn't used to know it. And I would drive myself into the ground. I would wear myself out. which is now showing up in all my auto-immunes, but you know, that's being stuck in survival mode. You will find yourself getting to that point where you just throw up that wall, you slam that door, and you move on to whatever it is that you can get done for that day because you're mentally not available for that anymore. And it happens, but that comes from feeling misunderstood. That comes from the exhaustion of trying to get someone to hear you. Nobody understands you. You're too much. You're too hard to love. So you just slam that door because you're tired of trying to explain and break it down. Especially if the person on the other side is a lot like you and they're stuck in whatever going on in their world and they don't want to hear what you're saying. And there's that clash between the two of you. One of the two of you is going to cut the other. And hopefully you're mature enough and got a love deep enough that you can walk through that valley and meet on the other side. But oftentimes the relationships take different forks and those people just disappear. So oftentimes, again, and I know I say this a lot, I do apologize, keep saying that. So instead of risking disappointment. A lot of people will isolate. They'll just shut those doors. They'll quit talking. They pull away from you. They get these icky feelings and they oftentimes will twist it into something that it's not out of protection for themselves because they feel wounded by you right now and they don't want another wound. They feel hurt by you right now, especially because you accidentally cut them during your time of a mental exhaustion. So it becomes a whole messy thing. Sometimes maturity, people can walk through that and be like, hey, you know, I was an ass this time at that time or whatever. And you can come back together and work things out. Sometimes not. That's a lot of times where isolation and peace can also get. confused. ⁓ So instead of coming back and risking the disappointment. say me going back to the person that I feel like I shut the door on and they are cut. They are dismissive. They are, I told you I was fine. I don't know why you need to keep pushing it. They get that, that defensive. mean demeanor towards you. if they've done that to you before. you're gonna be less likely to keep going back to that person to try to mend that because the disappointment risk is gonna be way too high. And this is why oftentimes friendships, relationships fall apart because there's all of this confusion. that lies underneath all of this. And it's just a bunch of traumatic trauma surviving people out here trying to co-exist. And it's so freaking hard to do that because every single one of us are stuck in these trauma survival modes. Almost every single one of us are. And understanding any of this is not something that we've ever been talked about. We're not taught this. We're not taught how to navigate these waters. And so we get stuck in that loneliness. We get stuck in that risk of disappointment. So we slam doors, we walk away from people, we shut down, we gather up peace, ⁓ and we isolate out of self-protection. But at what cost? but at what cost? Now I'm not saying there's some things that you should, you should definitely isolate from some things. I get that. I'm wholehearted behind that. Some things you do need to just go, nope, not going down that road. And I get that. But for the most part, there's a ton of relationships in this world that go to the wayside because there's no understanding of one another and the traumas that we've all been through. That's where we end up lonely. The loneliest people are often the ones that pretend that they don't need anybody. they're the ones that you will hear, I'm fine. I'm fine alone. I don't need anybody. I don't need anybody to help me get through this, get through that. I can do this on my own. I can do that on my own. I don't need anybody in my life. Those people are the loneliest people that walk this earth because they are so closed off to any type of emotion. they oftentimes are also the ones that snap. some little thing that they'll do that they'll try to have that connection with somebody and then they snap because they can't have the connection. they open up that window of vulnerability a little bit. And then somehow something someone does on this side, either they choose not to continue having a relationship with them or they set boundaries. There's something that happens over here that gets this one to snap. And then sometimes that snap ends up in unaliving of people. Sometimes that snap ends up in a blind rage of beating the tar out of somebody. Like sometimes that snap has been buried deep inside for so many years. the emotional suppression that has been carried in that body. They have no remorse more often than not. They're emotionally numb to any of it. their brain shuts it off. It isolates. It's scary. That's part and why I do all of these conversations. It's part and why I have these podcasts, these lives, because I want to talk about these things. I want to get these things out there. I want to make the world a better place. Genuinely, I want to be a better person. I want to be a better friend, lover, sister. no longer a daughter, you know what I mean. ⁓ The trust is broken in those situations. Trust gets broken in situations with people that are living as survivors. So there's trust issues with self-protection. trust issues develop when lots of things happen. But it's generally repeated things that have happened over and over. Betrayal, abandonment, chaos, emotional neglect, ⁓ manipulation. ⁓ That's one people don't talk about. Manipulation. People are so manipulative. ⁓ my goodness. Emotional pain that they don't want. to even try to deal with. ⁓ All of that make people fearful of relying on others. Why? Well, I mean, if you think about it, when trust has been broken enough times, the nervous system starts to expect the pain. You kind of get numb to it. So those who survive through those things will often, you'll encounter these people. My husband was this way, keep up walls. Those people will keep up walls. It'll be so hard to chip away at those walls. They'll avoid closeness. Like a lot of times in the beginning. They'll be close, they'll be touchy, they'll be feeling, they'll want all the things. And then when the actual closeness is like gonna stay. They throw out that wall, they pull back and they withdraw that love and affection and it leaves the person on the other side with their head spinning. But it's out of protection that they're doing it but the person on the other side don't see it. They don't understand it because we don't talk about it. I do, we're talking about it. They will oftentimes, and this is part of the pulling away. Sabotage relationships. Have you ever? Have you ever caught yourself sabotaging relationships? Have you ever caught yourself with 101 questions in your brain and the things that you tear down and you analyze everything and then your brain starts twisting things in a way that really aren't true? but you sold yourself on it. And then you rip part this person in this relationship out of self-preservation because God forbid somebody actually get close to you and see through your armor. then they become a threat. And then what do you do? You sabotage it all. Because if you allow them in... You're just gonna get hurt. They're just gonna abandon you. I mean, we don't know that. We don't know that. We don't know that that's really what's gonna happen. I don't even know. Like, I come back to Tommy after all the things, and I'm giving it a whirl of that we're gonna be together for the rest of our lives till death does us apart. I don't know for 100 % that that's actually gonna happen. But I have to be willing. to give it that chance. I have to be willing and open to that actually happening. I have to be... mindful of not letting my brain play tricks on me and turn situations into something they're not. Like for example, you know, certain things have happened since I've been back and things I've found and stuff that's gone missing and whatever and I've had lots of questions. Well, I'm packing. I see an apron shoved into the coffee cabinet. It's not mine. I've never seen the apron before. It's not my kids. So who was here wearing that apron and why is it shoved inside this coffee cabinet? To which then my brain went 107 different directions. Well, I knew there was somebody in my house. knew that, you know, all the lies that I told myself. I started to go there. I did have a little bit of the conversation. But then I had to let it go. I had to tell myself to let it go. First off, I've learned through all of this that God will show me what I need to see. And so I got my eyes open. But also I'm not perfect. I didn't do everything perfect. So I did choose to walk out of my house and maybe it was somebody Cody had here. I don't know. Anyway, do I want to make a mountain out of that molehill? I've tried to, I started to. That's part of sabotaging. That's what we do. We make up this whole line of story that's not true. And we go down that rabbit hole. I've learned that when I start to go down those rabbit holes, I need to have that truthful conversation with my partner. Okay, this happened. This is how I feel. This is what it made me feel like. And I don't want it to be true, but if there's any truth in it, I need you to tell me so we can resolve this now. Open, honest conversation. Does he deflect sometimes? Does he gaslight sometimes? He does. And I've gotten better at instead of internalizing when he does that to me to say, hey, this is one of those moments I was talking about that when you... got defensive and you turn it back on me. You get hateful and you want to bring up something nasty. Well, you did this. Well, what about you? Instead of just having that honest conversation, it turns into a, let me put you down because I feel like I'm being attacked. It's something he has to unlearn that behavior and I get that. And it's, we're both living in different types of survival mode. And that's all it is. It's just different types of survival mode that we're both living in for our own different reasons. When the trust has been nervous, well, when the trust has been nervous, sweet Jesus, when the trust has been broken enough times, the nervous system starts to expect the pain. And that's all I'm saying in that. Uh-huh. the emotional disconnection that can come out of all of that. Before others can leave first. That's what I'm talking about, the things, the stories that we allow our brains to tell us. the rabbit holes that we choose to go down. Those are all signs that you're emotionally trying to sabotage the relationship. You're emotionally trying to deflect and push the person away because you have a fear of that disappointment that might be on the other side of something. It could be true. What if what I'm thinking is actually true? ⁓ my gosh, it would be so devastated. I'm gonna have to push him away before that can happen. I can't have this. can't be, I can't be. I can't be hurt like that anymore. I can't take it. I'm not going to do it. So you push, deflect. It's a mad circle. It's a mad circle. Sometimes people leave before, well, emotionally, sometimes emotionally, like I had emotionally left this relationship back last year. Sometimes people emotionally leave the relationship before anyone has had the chance to even hurt them again. Yeah. What I see is my husband emotionally left our relationship within the first year. And then he was just in the situation ship with me because he didn't know how to let me go, didn't want to let me go, but also was very protective emotionally because he had been hurt repeatedly so many times by betrayal, emotional neglect, not being loved as a child. I mean, not that he wasn't loved, he was loved, but there's a whole lot of always having to keep up with the older brother because he popped up really quick after kind of situation. Anyway, it's a whole thing I could go on a whole nother podcast with and I won't do that right now. yeah, I mean, I understand why he's done the things that he's done and I've understood for years after I stopped, you know, blaming myself. I've understood for years. ⁓ But getting him to see it, getting him to admit it, getting him to emotionally be a part of that understanding was near to impossible. And he tried to sabotage the relationship. He just about did. And then when he felt the fear of actually losing me, because I did walk away, because I got tired, ⁓ He did the work to help himself. I didn't make him do it. He did the work. He still is doing the work. I'm kind of in a mood right now, so he needs to get back into that. Yeah, we need to work through that still. Anyway, so he emotionally left before I could hurt him. Have you ever been in those situations? Have you been that person? Have you emotionally removed yourself from a friendship, relationship, family ship, whatever ship? before the other person could leave you, before the other person could hurt you, before the other person would leave you with disappointment. how many of you are saying yes right now? How many of you are going, my gosh, that's me. That's me right now, that's what I'm doing right now. You can safely come out of that. You can. You'll need a therapist. It doesn't have to be me. I mean, I would love to have you use me, you just need help to navigate that. So learning emotional safety. Tommy's had to learn emotional safety. I've had to learn emotional safety. A lot of people around me in my bestie world, they're all learning emotional safety. And sometimes they fall short. Sometimes they get defensive. Sometimes they isolate. Sometimes they come back around. Sometimes they worry they won't, because it happens. But emotional safety is the ability to express emotions honestly. without fear of punishment, rejection, shame, or even abandonment. Do you feel emotionally safe anywhere, in any of your world, with anybody? Because it's pretty important to have that with at least a few people so you don't become that old cranky cat lady or the grumpy old man on the front porch throwing rocks at kids. because in lay terms you're emotionally constipated. I really should do a whole podcast on that. What does it mean to be emotionally constipated? Anyway. Healing, and don't take me wrong when I'm saying that you need to be able to be present in things, whatever. I'm not saying that like in a social sense. Healing isn't, it's not forcing yourself to be social. That's not what I'm saying. If you are just not a social person, you're just not a social person. And that's okay. It's finding your tribe that's okay with that. I'm not saying. that if you're healed that suddenly you're going to want to go out and participate in everything. I'm saying that some people just are introverts and they don't deal with those types of situations well. Healing is slowly learning and sometimes it can be really slow. Healing is slowly learning connection. That connection can actually be safe. It can feel good. It can make you feel worth and value. Healing is learning vulnerability. And that vulnerability can actually be healthy with the right people or the right person. Sometimes we need to have vulnerability in order to heal. and most people run for the hills instead of learning where their safe spaces are. support. slowly learning that support. does not always equal pain. Because so many of us automatically equate to, okay, if we get support from someone, they're gonna eventually hold it over our head or want this or that from us or shame us in some way. And so we avoid asking for help, for saying we need something, for feeling vulnerable, being vulnerable, opening up. Because along the way, asking for things only created pain because people just didn't show up. People just didn't help. They created pain instead or they held it over your head and made them feel superior over you. Well, I do this and this for you. What do you do for me? I've done this and this. I show up in this way. You don't do the same for me. Is that the way a relationship is supposed to be? Do we give in order to receive? If you're biblical, was that the way you're supposed to be? No? No? Yeah, that's what I thought. No. Okay. So... Stop doing that. Stop expecting yourself out of other people. It's one of the best pieces of advice I'll ever give anybody. Stop expecting you out of other people. Give of yourself because you want to give. Don't give of yourself because you want the notoriety. You want to feel worth. You want to feel value. That's not why we do it. Healing requires the nervous system. to stay safe. you have to know what rooms you can do that in. Definitely. I don't know. ⁓ Maybe tonight, this morning, whenever it is you're listening to this, maybe you realized your isolation was never about not caring. Maybe, maybe just maybe. It was about surviving things. that made closeness feel dangerous. Do I need to say that again? Are you surviving things that make closeness feel dangerous? Know that you're not weak because you do isolate. Sometimes it is needed. You just can't stay there. Know that you're not broken because trust feels hard. You're a survivor. You've learned to survive and not live. You've learned to survive and not trust. Learning to trust feels hard. Learning to understand how someone is and to trust them is hard. You're not difficult. You're not difficult to love. Because your nervous system, again, like I've said, has learned to be a survivalist. You're not difficult to love. your nervous system has just learned to be your survivalist. And then again, healing for you begins with the moment you stop judging yourself. You stop judging yourself for protecting the parts of you nobody protected before. Stop judging yourself. That's a tough one. How do you stop judging yourself? Learning to live and not just survive. Learning that trusting others is hard. Learning that life is hard. Learning that sometimes the people in your life are also just surviving. and they feel misunderstood just like you. And they need to isolate out of peace once in a while. Don't let them confuse that peace and isolation. Because then you stay there in isolation because you think it's peace. Because you confuse the two. Anyway, I hope you guys took some away from this. I hope that my podcast continued to show and teach you things that you didn't know. I'm glad that they're here for you to continue to go back and listen to. I'm coming up on my one year marker and I'm very excited. I'm trying to think of something special, but I don't know. When I get there, I'll let you know if there's something special I'm gonna do. Anyway. Thank you guys again. This has been Back porch Confessions as always where healing gets honest, truth gets spoken and nobody has to survive silently and alone. Make sure you check out all the things. Come on out to TikTok and watch my podcast or watch my TikTok live rather. Come on out to that Monday through Friday, 1 30 Eastern Standard Time, 12 30 Central Standard Time. ⁓ I'm on roughly two hours to three hours. But yeah, come out, come check me out, come listen, share my stuff if it's touched you in some way today. If you know somebody that needs to hear these words, share it with them. Send it on out to them. I appreciate it. Go rate me on Spotify, YouTube, Apple Podcasts, wherever you're watching this. Give me a rate, leave me a comment, send me an email, backportchconfessions.gmail.com. I appreciate each and every one of you. If you want anything made, shirts, cups, koozies, whatever you can think of, go to Little Butterfly. You'll see a commercial in here. Go to Polish Boutique if you want any amazing clothes. Mindy is extremely good at telling you what sizes you need. She sells clothing, not. You definitely need to ask her what size these should be. So go see Mindy. ⁓ And thank you very much for being a part of all of this. Are we skin? ⁓ Make sure you go see her too. Thank you guys. Love you much. As always, thank you.