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Can a narcissist ever be truly happy or content? · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on beautiful people?
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  I am Lee Hammock, the diagnosed self aware narcissist known as
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  mental illness and welcome to another episode of the
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  Narcissist Code. Is this your first time I see in
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  my face or hear my voice? I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist and it's my whole platform to raise awareness for
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  narcissism, help people heal and also, you know, the thrivers and
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  survivors transition to better lives and whatnot.
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  Y'all this is what we're here for.
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  Today's episode is going to be answering the the age-old
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  question Can narcissist ever really, truly be happy now?
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  My thoughts have changed a lot on this stuff, on this thing.
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  Y'all to be honest with you. As a diagnosed narcissist, I
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  feel like the one thing that escapes most narcissists, the
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  one thing that it that could possibly be the most frustrating
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  for most narcissists is that happiness escapes them.
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  That's how they feel. And that's the one thing in my
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  mind they just it sits on my mind a lot right there that
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  happiness is the one thing that escapes a lot of narcissists and
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  toxic people. Y'all It's just like the pursuit
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  of happiness is what narcissists are really after.
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  It's happiness. Happiness is what narcissists
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  are really after. It is happiness and joy.
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  I feel like joy is contentment. Joy is being able to be content.
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  I think narcissists can be happy in spurts.
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  I think spurts of happiness exists with narcissists and
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  toxic people. You know, I think spurts of
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  happiness exists with toxic, narcissistic people.
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  I think you could be happy in the moment.
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  Like I could be happy right now, in this moment, right now.
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  But anything past that is when I started to like happiness comes
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  and goes so fast. Like, you can get a narcissist.
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  You can make them happy for a little while.
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  But once the happiness fades, once the lights go out around
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  the happiness, it's fleeting. It's happiness is fast as hell.
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  Happiness is Usain Bolt. You know what I'm saying?
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  Happiness is Usain Bolt. We're trying to catch it.
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  We catch it every once in a while, but as soon as we catch
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  it, it takes off running again. Like we do something to make us
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  happy in, in a moment, in a brief moment of happiness that
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  you get that little double main hit.
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  You feeling good? You're like I'm happy right now.
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  This is like, you know, so this is what happiness feels like.
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  I like it. I like it.
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  I like happiness. And then, boom, it's stripped
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  away from you. It leaves, it just goes away.
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  Y'all and it's you feel drained, You feel empty.
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  You feel like your life doesn't matter.
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  There's so many different avenues and so many different
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  things that happen right there, you know what I mean?
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  There's so many different things that happen right there in that
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  space. It's just so much that happens.
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  It is, is. And I tell people this all the
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  time. The more the longer you are in a
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  toxic relationship with a narcissistic person, the more
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  the that you have to deal with it sucks.
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  Y'all. It just absolutely does suck.
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  You know? And like when you, it sucks for
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  you. Because when the happiness
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  leaves, when the happiness leaves the narcissist, you're
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  the one that gets punished for it.
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  You are the one who suffers for for my lack of unhappiness.
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  You suffer for it because you're closest to me, because I can't.
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  If I can't be happy, why do you get to be happy?
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  Just a jealousy component that plays into y'all the happier you
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  are, the more jealous that narcissistic person that you're
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  dealing with can become. Your happiness could be setting
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  them off because they're jealous of your ability to be
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  effortlessly happy. Effortlessly happy.
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  I have to work hard to be happy. You can be happy in the moment.
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  You can be happy for little things.
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  You can be happy for small minute things that people do for
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  you. It just brings you joy and
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  contentment to your life, happiness to your life.
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  Me, I did little stuff. Don't make me happy no more.
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  I need big. I need big things to make me
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  happy. You know, happiness escapes
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  narcissistic people. Y'all It just it just does.
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  That's why you see narcissistic people doing so many different
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  things that they think will make them happy.
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  Y'all. That's why they keep switching
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  jobs. That's why they keep switching
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  careers. That's why they keep switching
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  majors in college. That's why they keep switching
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  sports. That's why they keep switching
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  relationships. That's why they keep switching
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  friendships. That's why they keep you.
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  That's when you get a lot of narcissists that are just
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  volatile in their relationships. No, I don't mean necessarily
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  physically, physically volatile. I mean they're just emotionally
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  volatile. It's just like they're ticking,
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  Tom. Ticking narc bombs, you know
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  what I'm saying? Ticking bombs of narcissists
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  that are just waiting to just explode and just go off.
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  That happens quite a bit. Y'all that is one of those
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  things that happens quite a bit when you're dealing with
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  narcissists, talks to people or whoever.
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  It just, it just and it doesn't go away.
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  It doesn't go away. It just it absolutely doesn't.
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  Yeah, it doesn't go away for the narcissist because we can't be
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  happy for extended periods of time.
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  And I know, I know, y'all, y'all, hear me talking, y'all
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  know I'm a diagnosed narcissist. And I know what y'all going to
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  say, like, well, Lee, are you happy?
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  Yeah, yeah. I can experience happiness more
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  because I've been to therapy, working on the fact that
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  happiness is internal. Happiness comes from within.
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  I'm work. Yeah, y'all see me.
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  Yeah, I do work out physically. I do physical workouts.
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  But I'm also therapy is emotional workout.
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  Your therapy is working on the mental.
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  You know, you be. Yeah, I got a new shirt coming
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  out. I got a new shirt that's going
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  to come out that says physically fit, mentally ill.
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  I'm battling. I look good on the outside, but
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  on the inside I'm battling. You see what I'm saying?
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  You might look good externally, but the inside, ugly as hell.
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  You need to work out in the mental as well.
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  You just can't get physically fit.
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  You need to be mentally fit, you know?
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  So I'm mentally working myself out.
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  I'm mentally working on myself to understand that happiness is
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  intrinsic. It comes from, it comes from the
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  inside. But a lot of narcissists don't
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  want to do. A lot of narcissists lack
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  introspecting, introspection. They lack the ability to look
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  inside of themselves, so they look outside for it.
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  Narcissists lack the ability to look for things that are
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  intrinsically valuable to us. So we look for things that are
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  extrinsically valuable to us. We look for things outside of us
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  that are going to make us feel happy.
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  When you get your happiness from the outside, you can't control
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  it. You can't control the
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  uncontrollables on the outside. Y'all you think you can.
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  That's why you see a lot of narcissists who get obsessed
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  with controlling things that they feel like make them happy
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  or have made them happy before. You see a lot of narcissists
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  that fall into the obsession of trying to control things that
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  they feel like have made them happy or will make them happy
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  eventually, you know, or have made them happy in the past.
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  I don't want to have. I don't want to let this go
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  because it could make me happy again.
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  This happens. Y'all this happens.
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  I keep using this Happ where it's happens.
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  Happiness, you know, happy happenstance is happenstance.
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  There two piece, I don't know, but it's part of it.
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  Y'all this is part of the dynamic of dealing with
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  narcissistic people. It just becomes y'all it
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  becomes. It become.
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  It has become this, you know, they the narcissist doesn't want
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  to look inside of themselves because inside of us is
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  darkness. Y'all it's dark, it's scary,
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  it's dark. It's hard to look inside of us
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  because inside of us is where we hide all the pain in the dark
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  areas of our insides or is where we hide the pain in the dark
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  spots of our mind is where we hide the pains.
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  We're scared to look into the darkness.
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  We're scared to turn the light on in that dark ass room.
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  Because it might be a monster standing in there.
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  And that monster is shame. The shame monster might be
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  standing in that inside of the corner of that dark room inside
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  my mind. So I don't want to turn the
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  lights on. I instead of turning the lights
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  on internally, I look for something outside to make me
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  happy. I need you to make me happy.
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  I need it from you. You're my partner.
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  You're my spouse. You're my kids.
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  You my Co workers. You're my friend.
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  You need to make me happy. Make me happy right now.
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  Go. Hey, I'm sad Make me happy.
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  But that's what a lot of narcissist don't do.
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  Y'all they look, they keep. They need we need to look inside
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  instead of looking outside. Because the more we look inside,
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  the less likely we are to find something that's outside of us
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  that's going to make us happy. You know what I'm saying?
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  The less likely we are, we have to look inside.
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  Y'all and it's scary. Y'all.
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  I'm going to be realistic. It's scary as hell and not, you
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  know, this episode right here. Let me go ahead and say this.
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  This is not to make you feel sorry for a narcissistic person
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  that you're dealing with. That's not my goal here.
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  To make you feel bad. Like, no, no, Lee, I feel bad
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  for no, that's not my goal. Can you feel bad for me?
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  Yeah, you can feel bad for me. You're a human being.
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  You have empathy. You're more than welcome.
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  You're free to feel bad for the narcissistic person in your
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  life. You know, you're free to do
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  that. But also understand that the
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  person you're dealing with, that narcissistic person, they're
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  going to keep doing what they've been doing.
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  That's just, yeah, that's their MO.
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  That's their motive. Operandi, modus operandi.
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  They're going to keep doing modus apparandi.
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  Y'all know what I'm saying? MO Imperito correct me in the
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  comment section. Y'all too correct.
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  Be Be hey, you don't correct me in the comment section.
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  Be respectful with it. Be respectful.
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  Mei Lee MO means this. And I'll say thank you.
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  I'll say thank you so much. Thank you for being so.
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  Thank you for being so nice and correcting me like a human
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  being. Thank you, you know, But this is
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  what happens. Y'all I'm y'all.
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  I am routine for y'all. I really, really am, you know?
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  And that's the space that we try to fall into.
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  That's the dynamic deal. I won't.
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  I like to deal with. I rooted for y'all to
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  understand. Like if you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person, just understand you.
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  It's not your job to make that person happy because they have
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  to be able to make themselves happy before they can get
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  anything from you. Because if you're trying to make
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  them happy, you're going to get drained and then narcissist is
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  going to drain you. It's like it's like slurping off
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  a damn straw. They're going to suck you up.
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  Took all the good stuff about are you it leave you it leave
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  you high and dry because you exhaust yourself trying to make
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  this person happy. You exhaust yourself trying to
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  bring this person happiness because you are.
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  You cannot be responsible for their happiness.
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  Y'all. It just doesn't work that way.
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  It just really, really doesn't. You know, nobody said I'm
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  telling you I'll be rooting for y'all because I know
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  narcissistic people. Their goal is to not still hurt
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  them. Their goal is to not make you
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  happy. Yeah, Their goal is to seek
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  happiness from other people and they'll take it from you.
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  They'll take you out. They will take.
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  They will extract happiness from you.
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  Happiness is something that comes from the inside.
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  You can't get it from the outside, where you can get
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  moments of it. You can get little moments and
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  pieces from it, from accomplishments and things like
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  that. From always staying busy, from
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  success, from financial success. I can buy things that make me
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  happy, but it goes away. You know, you see a lot of
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  people, y'all. You see a lot of narcissistic,
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  rich, rich, famous people. They have everything that they
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  could ever ask for and still be unhappy.
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  Antonio I I was, I told Tony Robbins saying y'all.
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  Tony Robbins said the greatest failure in life is success
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  without happiness, success without fulfillment.
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  It's like you can become as happy as you want to be, as
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  successful as you want to be. You know what I mean?
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  You can do all of this stuff, but at the end of the day, if
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  you're unhappy, if you're not happy with it, if you're if
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  you're unsatisfied with yourself, then you it's it's
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  going to come out as a loss for you.
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  It just, it just is. It's going to come out as a big
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  loss for you and you'll be mad as hell.
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  Yeah, No, that's what I tell people.
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  Don't spend a lot of time trying to make.
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  I'm not going to say, I'm not going to tell you how to leave
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  your life, but live your life to the fullest extent and just
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  understand that the narcissist happiness is not your
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  responsibility because you're going to drain yourself.
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  You're going to lose yourself. They have to want to look
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  internally to find that happiness, to find where actual
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  happiness comes from. Because it doesn't.
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  It can't come from you. It can come from you in little
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  spurts, but when you can no longer make them happy, they're
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  typically discouraging. Get rid of you.
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  So let me cut this thing short. Y'all.
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  My one-on-one client is about to hop on the zoom call.
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  But like I said, make sure y'all subscribe to my newsletter if
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  you haven't y'all hear it, you just went through.
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  Make sure you subscribe to my newsletter, have a lot of
• 11:47
  interesting, interesting stuff coming up.
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• 11:50
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  out joining the channel memberships for behind the
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  scenes perks, priority, responses to the comments and a
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  few other things. Link in the description every
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  single video I do. Thank you so much.