Latest / Trudge Report / Ep. 124 - The Present Father: Navigating Sobriety Within Fatherhood.

Transcript

Ep. 124 - The Present Father: Navigating Sobriety Within Fatherhood. · Trudge Report

0:08
SPEAKER_02: Ladies and gentlemen, good evening and welcome to another episode of Trudge Report.
0:12
SPEAKER_02: This is a recovery-based podcast.
0:14
SPEAKER_02: My name is Sean, and I am your host, joined by my good friends, fellow Trudgers, Danny P and Corey M.
0:22
SPEAKER_02: We are brought to you by Stellamix Podcast Management.
0:25
SPEAKER_02: Please remember to listen on Apple.
0:27
SPEAKER_02: Well, Corey's already gone.
0:28
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0:33
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0:37
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0:41
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0:42
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0:44
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0:50
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0:51
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0:54
SPEAKER_02: And we just ask for your continued listenership.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: Gentlemen, we are recording this on Sunday the 21st.
1:01
SPEAKER_02: Happy Father's Day to both of you right off the top.
1:04
SPEAKER_02: Happy Father's Day to uh Mr.
1:06
SPEAKER_02: Roy Stella back there.
1:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh the man behind the scenes with Miss Janine.
1:11
SPEAKER_02: And uh happy, I guess, step soon to be Stepfather's Day for uh Mr.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: G.A.
1:17
SPEAKER_02: Phillips, who can't be with us tonight.
1:19
SPEAKER_02: He's got family plans.
1:20
SPEAKER_02: Um, but let's go let's go right to uh the man of the hour, the main event.
1:24
SPEAKER_02: Corey Mitchner.
1:26
SPEAKER_02: Good evening, sir.
1:27
SPEAKER_02: How are you?
1:27
SPEAKER_02: Happy Father's Day.
1:28
SPEAKER_02: What's up?
1:29
SPEAKER_03: Happy Father's Day.
1:30
SPEAKER_03: Nothing.
1:31
SPEAKER_03: Nothing's up.
1:32
SPEAKER_03: Nothing.
1:34
SPEAKER_03: Absolutely nothing, Sean.
1:37
SPEAKER_03: Um, what do you want me to say?
1:40
SPEAKER_02: I just would love you for you to tell us how your Father's Day was, and just overall how you're doing, Corey.
1:45
SPEAKER_02: Just overall.
1:46
SPEAKER_02: In general.
1:48
SPEAKER_03: Dying slowly.
1:49
SPEAKER_02: Uh-huh.
1:51
SPEAKER_03: And um, we all die anyway.
1:55
SPEAKER_03: We all die anyway.
1:57
SPEAKER_03: And I just can't.
1:59
SPEAKER_03: But it was fine.
2:02
SPEAKER_03: We just we went out and got some lunch, got some gelatis.
2:07
SPEAKER_03: Whatever that is.
2:08
SPEAKER_02: What's a gelati?
2:09
SPEAKER_03: Apparently it's Italian ice with ice cream in it.
2:12
SPEAKER_02: Is it is it the same as gelato?
2:15
SPEAKER_03: Ah, fuck.
2:15
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
2:16
SPEAKER_03: No, because that that involves coffee, I think, or something.
2:19
SPEAKER_02: No, I don't think it does.
2:20
SPEAKER_02: I think gelato is is we might have to fact check this, but I think gelato is the ice cream version of Italian ice cream.
2:31
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
2:32
SPEAKER_02: If gelati has ice in it, maybe there's a combination of gelato and and and icy, you know what I mean?
2:39
SPEAKER_03: Gelato is an authentic Italian frozen dessert made primarily from milk, sugars, and natural flavorings.
2:45
SPEAKER_03: Whatever.
2:46
SPEAKER_02: What's gelati?
2:47
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: And how do you spell that, Corey?
2:51
SPEAKER_03: Fuck.
2:52
SPEAKER_03: Apparently I can't spell it.
2:53
SPEAKER_03: Good God.
2:54
SPEAKER_03: Gelati.
2:57
SPEAKER_03: With an eye, maybe?
2:58
SPEAKER_03: Okay.
2:59
SPEAKER_03: A gelati is a signature layered dessert that comes that combines rich, creamy, soft-served ice cream with fresh, homemade Italian ice.
3:08
SPEAKER_02: Oh, so it's a combination.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: Okay, alright.
3:11
SPEAKER_02: Listen, our listenership is learning things as we go.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know that.
3:16
SPEAKER_02: I didn't know.
3:17
SPEAKER_02: I thought you were just mispronouncing the word gelato.
3:21
SPEAKER_03: No.
3:22
SPEAKER_03: Um no, no, apparently not.
3:24
SPEAKER_03: I just turned this mic up.
3:25
SPEAKER_03: I don't know if that's any better.
3:27
SPEAKER_02: Um you know people can't see the the messages that she puts in the chat.
3:34
SPEAKER_03: Those people can go fuck themselves.
3:38
SPEAKER_02: He did Danny, have you noticed he does that all the time?
3:40
SPEAKER_02: He always he answers the questions that are put in the chat.
3:43
SPEAKER_02: Like nobody listening or watching is ever gonna know what those are put in the chat.
3:48
SPEAKER_00: You sound like you're in a hallway right now.
3:51
SPEAKER_03: I'm in a I'm in fucking hell, dude.
3:53
SPEAKER_03: I'm in hell.
3:55
SPEAKER_03: Oh my god.
3:57
SPEAKER_02: We'll come back to Corey.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: Danny P, what's going on there, buddy?
4:00
SPEAKER_00: Uh no, Corey.
4:01
SPEAKER_00: This is like a great this is the celebration of you today.
4:03
SPEAKER_00: It's Father's Day.
4:04
SPEAKER_00: There should be delight, there should be happiness.
4:08
SPEAKER_02: And you know what, you know what Gabby said?
4:10
SPEAKER_02: Gabby said, I'll take this day too.
4:12
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
4:13
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah.
4:15
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:16
SPEAKER_03: Oh, it's such a fuck it.
4:18
SPEAKER_03: I just I can't do holidays anymore.
4:20
SPEAKER_03: I can't do it.
4:21
SPEAKER_03: These are all made up, guys.
4:22
SPEAKER_03: Probably Father's Day is made up.
4:24
SPEAKER_03: Uh, Juneteenth is made up.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: I was just gonna say my next question is how did you spend your Juneteenth day, Corey?
4:30
SPEAKER_03: How was Juneteenth for you?
4:31
SPEAKER_03: I spent it working as the office was closed.
4:33
SPEAKER_03: Me and my boss were still there taking meetings and all that.
4:36
SPEAKER_02: I rolled up to the bank and I was like, Oh crap, it's closed today.
4:40
SPEAKER_02: Like, yeah, damn, I forgot.
4:42
SPEAKER_00: Well, you you guys can't celebrate it because you're present fathers.
4:46
SPEAKER_03: Or what?
4:50
SPEAKER_02: I love the pause.
4:51
SPEAKER_02: The pause was epic.
4:52
SPEAKER_02: It took it took me a second.
4:54
SPEAKER_02: The pause was epic.
4:55
SPEAKER_01: I don't know if we can leave that one, Dan.
4:57
SPEAKER_01: I don't know.
4:58
SPEAKER_00: Um anyway.
5:01
SPEAKER_00: Uh where do we go from there?
5:03
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
5:04
SPEAKER_02: They were asking how your father's day was, man.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: Uh it's good, man.
5:08
SPEAKER_00: I mean, uh, I'm um I told my son this today, too, man.
5:11
SPEAKER_00: It's the greatest gift on earth that I have is to be present for both my children today.
5:15
SPEAKER_00: I agree.
5:16
SPEAKER_00: I I did what I take most most pride in today, is uh, well, I took Maya to work with me today.
5:21
SPEAKER_00: We worked all day, and then I cut the lawn and I did a bunch of stuff around the house, and that makes me feel immense purpose and satisfaction.
5:29
SPEAKER_00: That's like that's a perfect Father's Day for me.
5:31
SPEAKER_00: And then I had a steak and chicken ordered from a DoorDash uh gift certificate from one of my customers.
5:37
SPEAKER_00: And so I ordered some steak and chicken.
5:40
SPEAKER_00: And um, then uh Maya and Maya forced Alyssa said that we have to go to Target because I don't ever want gifts.
5:46
SPEAKER_00: But Maya spent her own money to buy me a coffee mug that says dad jokes served daily.
5:51
SPEAKER_00: And uh that yeah, that was like uh super adorable, man.
5:55
SPEAKER_00: And um yeah, no, everything's everything's good.
5:58
SPEAKER_00: My son graduated uh eighth grade on Monday, so he's a high schooler now, so that's awesome.
6:02
SPEAKER_00: He's starting football training next week.
6:05
SPEAKER_00: Um Alyssa had her first full week of work and she uh she got paid holiday Juneteenth.
6:11
SPEAKER_00: She got she got the first paid holiday right off the rip.
6:14
SPEAKER_00: And then uh July 4th, she gets a day off too.
6:16
SPEAKER_00: But uh this week she starts uh full on in the hospital actually working.
6:21
SPEAKER_00: Uh this this week was mainly uh intros and all that stuff.
6:25
SPEAKER_03: But um worth of money, yeah, yeah.
6:29
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, she gets paid every two weeks, so we won't get we won't see money for like a month.
6:32
SPEAKER_00: Uh yeah.
6:34
SPEAKER_00: But no, uh, she's happy, she's super excited.
6:36
SPEAKER_00: She's got all her badges situated and everything, man.
6:39
SPEAKER_00: And uh yeah, no, I'm I'm happy for her.
6:41
SPEAKER_02: It's what was her exact field of of study?
6:44
SPEAKER_00: Radiology.
6:45
SPEAKER_02: Radiology, very cool, very cool.
6:46
SPEAKER_00: Radiology.
6:47
SPEAKER_00: So um, yeah, yeah.
6:48
SPEAKER_00: So she's excited about that.
6:50
SPEAKER_00: And plus the place, the hospital's nine minutes from our house, too, man.
6:53
SPEAKER_00: So that's uh I mean that's awesome too.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: But um, yeah, otherwise everything's good.
6:56
SPEAKER_00: We had a good father's day, and then with you fellas, it's pretty awesome.
7:00
SPEAKER_00: Couple amazing dads, and um, yeah, you know, I was I I wish Greg was here too.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: Uh definitely happy Father's Day to Greg.
7:07
SPEAKER_00: I know how he affects Peyton's life, man, is is super immense.
7:10
SPEAKER_00: You know, stepfather or whatever you want to call it.
7:12
SPEAKER_00: Like he's he's a great father figure in that kid's life, and you know, he he deserves praise on this day for that.
7:19
SPEAKER_02: I agree.
7:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's uh it's a it's a special day.
7:22
SPEAKER_02: You know, I'm the same way as you, Dan.
7:23
SPEAKER_02: I don't really want a whole bunch of praise or a whole lot of anything really.
7:28
SPEAKER_02: Um, just a good meal and some you know, homemade hand colored pictures and other knick-knacks and trinkets is uh is always always awesome to me.
7:38
SPEAKER_02: I have you can't really see it, but over on my bedside I have the stuff that the girls made from the last couple of father's days.
7:44
SPEAKER_02: So I'll put the new stuff there tonight.
7:47
SPEAKER_02: And uh yeah, it was good.
7:48
SPEAKER_02: You know what I did today, guys?
7:49
SPEAKER_02: That I don't I don't normally do.
7:51
SPEAKER_02: I went to the beach by myself this morning.
7:54
SPEAKER_02: Dude, it was immaculate out there.
7:57
SPEAKER_02: It was so pretty, completely blue sky, not a cloud in the sky.
8:01
SPEAKER_02: The water was calm and flat and crystal clear blue uh over here by us.
8:08
SPEAKER_02: Hardly anybody on the beach.
8:09
SPEAKER_02: The what it was hot as hell, but the water temp itself was just perfect.
8:14
SPEAKER_02: And I don't really normally do that.
8:15
SPEAKER_02: Um, I'm not even a big like take the family to the beach because that's just a lot of sand and it gets everywhere.
8:21
SPEAKER_02: But when it's just me by myself, I can go like real quick and like you know, like I don't even like sit down or lay down on the I just walk in, go in the water, spend like 20, 30 minutes in the water, and walk right back out to my car and all that.
8:34
SPEAKER_02: But it was it was perfect, and it was just a perfect amount of a little alone time this morning.
8:38
SPEAKER_02: And um, and then I played golf with my dad as I typically do most Sundays, but you know, today was Father's Day.
8:45
SPEAKER_02: We played a uh a little more expensive, nice course just for the for the occasion.
8:49
SPEAKER_02: It was a lot of fun.
8:50
SPEAKER_02: Um, and then went to uh my mother-in-law is still here, Catherine's mom is still here from Pennsylvania.
8:55
SPEAKER_02: Well, actually, I don't even know if the the listeners would know that because I wasn't here last week because I was with family, she's been here and she's still here.
9:02
SPEAKER_02: So um, my brother-in-law and his family, my parents, Catherine, the kids.
9:07
SPEAKER_02: We were all over there tonight.
9:08
SPEAKER_02: She made a big taco spread.
9:10
SPEAKER_02: Um, guys, guys, I can eat some tacos, dude.
9:12
SPEAKER_02: I can absolutely put back some tacos, like nobody's business.
9:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, it was a blast.
9:18
SPEAKER_02: It was a blast.
9:19
SPEAKER_03: How long are they here?
9:21
SPEAKER_02: So she got here last Saturday with some other family.
9:25
SPEAKER_02: The other family has left, but she's still here through this coming Saturday.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: And um, the girls are actually going back to Pennsylvania with her.
9:35
SPEAKER_02: She's taking them on the train.
9:36
SPEAKER_02: They're doing like a uh one of the sleeper trains where you get your own room and bathroom and bed and stuff like that.
9:41
SPEAKER_02: It's pretty cool.
9:42
SPEAKER_02: It's like a 24-hour thing or whatever.
9:45
SPEAKER_02: And um, so they're going back on the train on Saturday, and then um, I actually go on my my big annual golf trip this Thursday, Thursday to Sunday with my dad and a bunch of friends.
9:55
SPEAKER_02: And then I come back Sunday night, and then the following Tuesday, uh, we myself, Catherine, and the baby were driving up to Pennsylvania.
10:04
SPEAKER_02: So busy, busy couple weeks.
10:06
SPEAKER_02: Has been a busy couple weeks, will continue to be a busy couple weeks, but I love it.
10:12
SPEAKER_02: I love the the controlled hectic hecticness of it, you know.
10:17
SPEAKER_02: It's just a busy life, but I love all of it.
10:19
SPEAKER_03: So I I gotta drive to Jersey on Wednesday.
10:25
SPEAKER_03: And uh occasion.
10:27
SPEAKER_03: Uh Gabby's dad's 65th birthday party this cool weekend.
10:32
SPEAKER_00: Nice.
10:33
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
10:33
SPEAKER_03: That part of it's fine.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: Did they celebrate 65?
10:36
SPEAKER_00: I thought it was every 10 after 50.
10:41
SPEAKER_02: Corey, the right answer is it's whatever they want it to be.
10:44
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I was waiting for it.
10:48
SPEAKER_03: I'm just I'm just whatever.
10:51
SPEAKER_03: Anyway.
10:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, so I gotta drive that bullshit fucking drive.
10:56
SPEAKER_03: How long is that?
10:57
SPEAKER_02: How long is that drive?
10:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
10:59
SPEAKER_03: It's 18 hours plus ours is ours is 15.
11:05
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
11:06
SPEAKER_03: God, dude.
11:07
SPEAKER_02: We leave at night, dude.
11:08
SPEAKER_02: Do you leave at night?
11:09
SPEAKER_03: You have to.
11:10
SPEAKER_03: You have to leave at night.
11:11
SPEAKER_03: You have to it depends on the agenda, man.
11:13
SPEAKER_03: Like this time, I I really can't.
11:15
SPEAKER_03: This time I gotta leave right after work on Wednesday.
11:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, that's still not bad, though.
11:20
SPEAKER_00: I mean, you'll be done.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: That's not too bad.
11:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's not bad.
11:22
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I mean we'll drive through the night.
11:24
SPEAKER_00: Anything but the morning.
11:25
SPEAKER_00: You can't leave in the morning.
11:26
SPEAKER_00: I have to do that.
11:27
SPEAKER_00: You gotta have the kids sleep.
11:28
SPEAKER_00: Kids gotta be sleeping in the car.
11:30
SPEAKER_03: That's the that's the thing.
11:31
SPEAKER_03: I will say that I do better as a driver leaving at like 6 a.m.
11:36
SPEAKER_03: But because I can then I can do a you know, you can do like all damn day, you know.
11:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, I get tired when the sun goes down.
11:42
SPEAKER_02: But you and Gabby don't switch off, right?
11:44
SPEAKER_02: She doesn't drive.
11:46
SPEAKER_02: We switch.
11:46
SPEAKER_02: Oh, good.
11:47
SPEAKER_02: Because I was gonna say that's that's the key there.
11:48
SPEAKER_02: Like every few hours you can switch off.
11:51
SPEAKER_02: One of you get a couple little little sleep and stuff like that.
11:54
SPEAKER_02: You know, that's the key.
11:55
SPEAKER_00: Dude, I always plan it specifically.
11:57
SPEAKER_00: So when I know I'm gonna hit my crash period, which is gonna be like three hours left in the drive, because it's like 10 hours to Connecticut, it's like 6 a.m.
12:05
SPEAKER_00: So the sun's just coming up.
12:07
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: Hit me with that second wave to power through to the end.
12:12
SPEAKER_00: Because if it's if it's pure darkness, I'm I'm I'm in the bushes.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: No chance.
12:18
SPEAKER_02: It gets dangerous at night when you start getting tired, man.
12:21
SPEAKER_02: Like those rumble shrips are real loud.
12:24
SPEAKER_02: And I always want to like not wake Catherine up and like keep going another hour or two, but I'm like, no, that's dangerous, man.
12:30
SPEAKER_02: You gotta just pull over and yeah, switch it up.
12:33
SPEAKER_02: So she's really good though.
12:35
SPEAKER_02: She's she does, she can, she can go for she can go for a little longer than I can, you know, usually in that middle of the night stretch, you know.
12:43
SPEAKER_02: I'm usually good for like three hours, three, four hours, and then I get real tired.
12:48
SPEAKER_02: She can she can push that five, six hour, six hour limit.
12:51
SPEAKER_02: Usually, like I'll start it out and I'll drive as long as I can.
12:54
SPEAKER_02: She'll take most of the middle, and then like like Danny, like when the sun comes up, we stop for breakfast and I'll finish out the last few hours is kind of how it how it goes.
13:02
SPEAKER_02: And she goes back to sleep.
13:04
SPEAKER_02: So it's also nice having your own vehicle when you travel.
13:07
SPEAKER_02: You have to, yeah.
13:08
SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's whether it's a rental or whatever.
13:10
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm huge.
13:11
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I'm huge.
13:12
SPEAKER_03: I'm never I'm never driving my own vehicle out of state again.
13:16
SPEAKER_02: Well, no, we we rent too, but I just I just mean having a vehicle when you get to wherever you're going.
13:21
SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, come and go as you please and go do you know, roam about the cabin, so to speak.
13:26
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah, yeah.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
13:28
SPEAKER_00: Corey, you had the snafu, right?
13:30
SPEAKER_00: Where you had to get the car towed and dusted and all that jazz, right?
13:33
SPEAKER_03: I even told Gabby the other day, we're going to the West Coast in July, and I said, I'm gonna look into a rental for that.
13:40
SPEAKER_03: And she's like, It's only three hours.
13:42
SPEAKER_03: I'm like, Yeah, and we were only an hour and a half away, and it cost me 700 fucking dollars to get to.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: It's cheap.
13:48
SPEAKER_00: I mean, rental uh for a couple days.
13:50
SPEAKER_00: What is it, a couple days, Corey?
13:51
SPEAKER_00: West Coast?
13:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, three days.
13:53
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I would rent the car, man.
13:55
SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's what I always rent the car, you know, unless I unless I'm like super financially constrained.
14:00
SPEAKER_01: It's probably a car bucks.
14:01
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, exactly.
14:02
SPEAKER_00: I would 100% rent a car, you know.
14:04
SPEAKER_00: You can put the miles on and all that.
14:05
SPEAKER_02: And I'm I'm proud to say, Dan, remember a few years ago and I had you book me a car because of your thing.
14:10
SPEAKER_02: I am I have uh raised my status level significantly with Expedia over the years, and I get I get very cheap rentals, dude.
14:19
SPEAKER_02: Very, very cheap rentals.
14:20
SPEAKER_02: I love it.
14:21
SPEAKER_02: That's awesome.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's all about the points, man.
14:23
SPEAKER_00: All my credit card, everything's all the points, miles, all that jazz.
14:26
SPEAKER_02: I got a bunch of like, you know, one they call it like one key cash that I can just like spread a little around here and there and yeah, make the trip a little cheaper.
14:34
SPEAKER_02: But yeah, rental cars where it's at.
14:36
SPEAKER_02: I'm getting a rental car for the golf trip this week, and we're only going two and a half hours away.
14:40
SPEAKER_02: Most mainly because I have guys riding with me and we need to fit everybody's golf clubs, but still, same thing.
14:45
SPEAKER_02: Like, I don't want to take my own car, I'd rather you know, um, and they all pitch in.
14:49
SPEAKER_02: Who's going?
14:51
SPEAKER_02: Uh, my dad is going.
14:53
SPEAKER_02: Um, I mean, I can name names.
14:56
SPEAKER_02: You want me to name names?
14:56
SPEAKER_02: I don't know if our listeners are gonna know everybody, but Tyler, Robert, Mario, Brian, Justin, Charlie, um, Big John, Austin.
15:07
SPEAKER_02: Um I don't know, there's 12 of us out of I forget if I when what I know most of these people.
15:14
SPEAKER_03: And I you called it an annual golf trip.
15:17
SPEAKER_03: And it just feels a little surprising from this.
15:21
SPEAKER_02: No, we went to we went to Tampa last year, a place called Innisbrook.
15:25
SPEAKER_02: We went to um When the fuck did this start happening?
15:28
SPEAKER_02: We went to Pinehurst the year before that, although that one wasn't a bunch of guys from our group.
15:33
SPEAKER_02: That was my dad and a bunch of his friends, and only a couple of my friends.
15:37
SPEAKER_02: And then the year prior to that, we went to a place called Champions Gate in Orlando, um, with a bunch of guys from Tuesday.
15:43
SPEAKER_02: So it's this is the fourth year.
15:46
SPEAKER_02: Fourth year.
15:47
SPEAKER_02: So yeah, I love it.
15:49
SPEAKER_02: Corey, you can come start playing golf whenever you want there, bud.
15:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, or just be the caddy.
15:56
SPEAKER_02: There you go.
15:56
SPEAKER_02: Caddy it up.
15:58
SPEAKER_02: So all right, boys.
16:00
SPEAKER_02: Um, this is our annual Father's Day episode.
16:03
SPEAKER_02: Uh, those those loyal listeners that have been listening for the last few years will remember, you know, a couple times um doing this episode.
16:11
SPEAKER_02: And really, it's just about you know, being in recovery and being a father, right?
16:17
SPEAKER_02: Um, the ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, the challenges, the triumphs, the successes, maybe some stuff that comes easier.
16:28
SPEAKER_02: Um, it usually bleeds into you know our significant others and relationships and all that stuff.
16:35
SPEAKER_02: But um, we just want to start by like, so let's let's real quick, let's go to I'll go with start with you first, Dan.
16:42
SPEAKER_02: And like I know you had a kid before sobriety as well, and then you had one in sobriety.
16:47
SPEAKER_02: So I don't know, just talk a little bit about like the the juxtaposition between that, right?
16:52
SPEAKER_02: Having a kid while you're still active and using, and and kind of the the chaos that that creates, and even still some of the good if it was in there, uh as opposed to you know having Maya in sobriety.
17:03
SPEAKER_02: And then we'll go to Corey.
17:05
SPEAKER_02: Lucy.
17:06
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, what do you say?
17:07
SPEAKER_02: Come here.
17:08
SPEAKER_02: I don't think Corey doesn't realize he's not on mute.
17:10
SPEAKER_02: Come here.
17:11
SPEAKER_02: You know you're not on mute, Corey.
17:14
SPEAKER_03: Really?
17:15
SPEAKER_03: This thing's not muted.
17:16
SPEAKER_03: No tell Lucy to say hi.
17:19
SPEAKER_03: Come say hi.
17:20
SPEAKER_03: She's over there knocking on the door.
17:23
SPEAKER_03: Come here.
17:24
SPEAKER_03: Come over here.
17:26
SPEAKER_03: All right.
17:26
SPEAKER_03: You're gonna walk in the podcast studio over here and not say hi.
17:30
SPEAKER_03: All right.
17:32
SPEAKER_03: Why am I not muted?
17:33
SPEAKER_03: All right.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
17:34
SPEAKER_00: Oh yeah.
17:35
SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I mean, I first of all, like, one of the coolest things is that, you know what I mean.
17:40
SPEAKER_00: I I think about it, you know what I mean, uh quite a few times, man, that uh, you know, that I have a child that will never ever see me to ingest anything.
17:48
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
17:49
SPEAKER_00: God willing.
17:50
SPEAKER_00: You know, like I feel like that's super cool, you know what I mean.
17:53
SPEAKER_00: Having both ends of the spectrum.
17:54
SPEAKER_00: I think about that, you know what I mean?
17:56
SPEAKER_00: But also, like, you know, as far as like right now, anyways, it's like it's pretty cool to be able to have a 13-year-old son I can have real world conversations with about why, what happened, and things that I can do to help him grow.
18:10
SPEAKER_02: Does he does he remember a lot of it?
18:12
SPEAKER_02: Um really, because he would have been like what, three years old.
18:16
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, he was three.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
18:17
SPEAKER_00: So he remembers like the house and like stuff like that, like things, you know what I mean, but he doesn't remember like the happenings of it.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: Right.
18:24
SPEAKER_00: You know, but um, yeah, I mean, just like I said, having those real conversations with him and like being able to, you know what I mean, just lay it out with him.
18:32
SPEAKER_00: We've had like very good talks, and you know, I tell him I'm always there and stuff like that, and like like, hey man, like you know, I know it sucks, and uh I love to be here all the time and stuff like that.
18:42
SPEAKER_00: But the real world reality is that I might not be here at all if I didn't do what I did.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: You know, and I I know you know what I mean, it's not the ideal situation, but the other the other the the the other way could have went could have would have been way worse.
18:54
SPEAKER_00: And um he's very receptive to it and he's very open with me about uh always tell him, you know what I mean, if there's ever if you ever need me, I'm always there, like all those things, man, that uh it gives me such a viewpoint on things to you know to be able to be open and honest with him.
19:10
SPEAKER_00: It took a while though.
19:11
SPEAKER_00: Obviously he wasn't seven and I was telling him the stuff.
19:13
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
19:14
SPEAKER_00: Just gauge it on as he matured and got older and stuff like that.
19:17
SPEAKER_00: But um yeah, yeah, so while I was in addiction, alcoholism, and all that stuff, you know.
19:22
SPEAKER_00: I mean, really honestly, it was like I was always first, you know what I mean, because that's always the crux of the problem was me, you know, selfishness, self-seeking, and all that jazz.
19:31
SPEAKER_00: And I always did all the things that, you know, to provide for my family, but I was never like emotionally there.
19:37
SPEAKER_00: And that's like the one thing is that you know, like I don't think there was a time I put him in harm's way.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
19:44
SPEAKER_00: Like physically in harm's way.
19:46
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
19:47
SPEAKER_00: But my my family in general, like the things that I did prior to I'm glad it happened when he was young to not be able to see those things because that would be a total different spectrum that I can't even I I can't even, you know, imagine.
20:02
SPEAKER_00: You know, so like all those things that that happened that I did, whether it was you know, stealing money and this, that and other thing, or pawning things and all that jazz, that like he has no whereabouts or no idea of all this stuff.
20:14
SPEAKER_00: You know, but um uh one thing I did want to just real quick say before I forget is that I won't say happy Father's Day to my dad.
20:21
SPEAKER_00: You know, my dad still suffers from alcoholism.
20:24
SPEAKER_00: And you know, as I got older, me and my sister got older and stuff, it it got really bad and he ended up going to prison and all that stuff.
20:31
SPEAKER_00: You know, but if I didn't do what I did today and being sober and understanding that he was a great father, he just suffered from alcoholism.
20:41
SPEAKER_00: You know, and that was like a total transformation in my sobriety.
20:44
SPEAKER_00: And I want to say that uh to my dad, you know, happy Father's Day because he raised me respect and morals and things that still stay with me today as much as I, you know, would I play the blame game when I was out there drinking and getting high and all that stuff.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: I played the blame game while coming coming into the rooms and and doing the things that we do.
21:03
SPEAKER_00: I came to realize that you know, he just suffers from alcoholism, man.
21:07
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
21:07
SPEAKER_00: That's just what it is.
21:08
SPEAKER_00: But but um, yeah, I just wanted to say that before I forgot.
21:11
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's awesome.
21:12
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, shout out to my pop too.
21:14
SPEAKER_02: I know, and and your dad, Corey.
21:16
SPEAKER_02: I know we uh like you just said, Dan, no matter what they've struggled with, your dad with alcoholism, you know, Corey, I don't know what your dad has struggled with, but just not even struggle, but just like the different backgrounds they come by.
21:30
SPEAKER_02: Like I learned so much from my dad, you know what I mean?
21:33
SPEAKER_02: And him and I are super close today, you know, like we're super, super close today.
21:37
SPEAKER_02: And um that's only been because of like sobriety for me and for him, you know, he joined a uh he joined a um a program, and I guess I could say it by name because it's not us, but he joined a program for friends and families that have loved ones that suffer from the disease of alcoholism and addiction.
21:59
SPEAKER_02: He joined that fellow.
22:00
SPEAKER_02: You know, a couple years before I got sober.
22:03
SPEAKER_02: And uh listen, in a large part, you guys have heard my story.
22:06
SPEAKER_02: In a large part, I credit me getting to sobriety because of the helpful fellowship that him and my mom joined a couple years before I got sober.
22:17
SPEAKER_02: That kind of paved the way uh for me to get sober, and that's a deeper conversation for another time, perhaps.
22:22
SPEAKER_02: But um, yeah, we're we're super close today.
22:25
SPEAKER_02: He's it's amazing how much he changed when I had kids and he became a grandpa, right?
22:32
SPEAKER_02: Because I'm an only child, like it like those kids love him dearly, you know, and he he changed on an emotional level.
22:40
SPEAKER_02: That was really cool to see, you know.
22:42
SPEAKER_02: So Corey, what uh what about you?
22:47
SPEAKER_02: What's you know, you were like me, we didn't have kids till after we got sober.
22:52
SPEAKER_02: Um but if you want to talk, you know, just a couple words about your own dad first before we get any further, you should big shout out to Keith.
22:59
SPEAKER_02: I know you talk to him a lot, you know.
23:02
SPEAKER_03: I do.
23:02
SPEAKER_03: I talked to him earlier.
23:05
SPEAKER_03: Um yeah, I mean the one thing that uh is unique, but not unique on the grand scheme of things, but um unique about my dad is that he uh he he lost his dad when he was a month old.
23:20
SPEAKER_03: So I've always been a little um a little amazed at how well he did as a father.
23:28
SPEAKER_03: Like I don't have any complaints, you know.
23:31
SPEAKER_03: Um he was always there, always present.
23:34
SPEAKER_03: Taught me what I needed to be taught.
23:37
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
23:38
SPEAKER_03: So um he was a great dad, still is, and but yeah, and he and he did all that without a dad.
23:46
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
23:47
SPEAKER_03: You know what I mean?
23:47
SPEAKER_03: Like it wasn't like did he have any other male role models in his life that you know of?
23:54
SPEAKER_03: In a way, um I think.
23:57
SPEAKER_03: And I I probably couldn't uh articulate um my words clearly enough to go into it, but in a way, he was he was raised in a unique fashion, I think.
24:09
SPEAKER_03: Uh being a a school that he went to.
24:12
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, no.
24:13
SPEAKER_00: Philly Mafia Mafia.
24:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:15
SPEAKER_02: Hey, they take care of their own, man.
24:17
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
24:18
SPEAKER_00: I was gonna say I learned a lot of stuff that way, man, when my dad was in prison.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: That's who I hung out with.
24:22
SPEAKER_00: That was my my father figures.
24:24
SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
24:26
SPEAKER_03: Um no, but a school we went to and like a boarding school kind of thing.
24:32
SPEAKER_03: And uh but yeah, so it wasn't in Jamaica, was it?
24:36
SPEAKER_03: It was dead center, Philadelphia.
24:39
SPEAKER_00: Jamaica Queens.
24:42
SPEAKER_03: But um yeah, and then and and not only that, I I I mention him every year as well.
24:48
SPEAKER_03: Uh I had a stepfather from the ages of like four to thirteen when he was like technically my stepfather.
24:54
SPEAKER_03: Um and we kept in contact beyond that.
24:57
SPEAKER_03: But uh man, he was a great man too.
25:01
SPEAKER_03: And and that's why like I do, I I was thinking I was thinking about Greg today, and like um because I know what a good stepfather is, you know, and uh I know what what that can be to a child.
25:14
SPEAKER_03: So and and I think Greg's that guy too.
25:17
SPEAKER_03: So um shout out to him once again.
25:19
SPEAKER_03: But yeah, but yeah, uh, but yeah, my stepfather's name was Dennis, and um he he died six years ago.
25:27
SPEAKER_03: Um today's his birthday, actually.
25:29
SPEAKER_03: It would have been 76 today.
25:30
SPEAKER_03: But uh yeah, man.
25:33
SPEAKER_03: Uh just one of those guys who I've I've mentioned him plenty of times, but I'll I'll sum it up with just one of those guys that wouldn't hurt a fly, you know, and uh just wanted to make people happy.
25:42
SPEAKER_01: So yeah.
25:43
SPEAKER_03: So that was another one for me.
25:45
SPEAKER_03: But um yeah, I I had a couple good role models.
25:49
SPEAKER_03: Didn't didn't keep me from doing heroin or nothing, but you know.
25:52
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, same.
25:53
SPEAKER_02: Same.
25:54
SPEAKER_02: I I can remember uh, you know, my dad coached Danny's favorite sport growing up, professional soccer.
26:02
SPEAKER_02: He coached col he coached the college level and professional, but I can remember being like you know, eight, nine, ten, eleven years old and during the summer traveling with the team, and they just traveled mostly up the eastern seaboard.
26:13
SPEAKER_02: We were in Virginia at the time, but I can distinctly remember like multiple men, you know, whether they were players on the team or other coaches or the GM or just whatever, like um being in influential in my life, you know what I mean?
26:28
SPEAKER_02: Like being influential, not any major, you know, they weren't like you know taking me to prom dropping me off at prom or sitting down and having the birds and the bees conversation.
26:40
SPEAKER_02: Um I don't even know where I learned the birds and the bees, to be totally honest with you, but but I can just remember the guy taught me everything I needed to know.
26:47
SPEAKER_03: I definitely didn't learn it from my family guy.
26:49
SPEAKER_02: Uh same guy, not me.
26:52
SPEAKER_02: Not me.
26:53
SPEAKER_02: But um that's funny, Corey.
26:56
SPEAKER_02: Um I can just remember distinctly a few men in those organizations that I just looked up to, you know what I mean?
27:04
SPEAKER_02: Like they they were power for all intents and purposes in their own way, powerful, wealthy men, you know, or successful, and uh, but they were like decent, honest men.
27:13
SPEAKER_02: And I I can remember learning like good things about morals and values from them.
27:16
SPEAKER_02: Not all of them, but some of them, you know.
27:18
SPEAKER_02: So that was like a very influential part of my my grown-up in childhood.
27:22
SPEAKER_02: So um, so one of the things, like we all have special moments with our kids, we all have certain memories or certain things.
27:32
SPEAKER_02: Like, Danny, what is something with Maya or your son that is like one of those um like you know, an everyday moment that might seem, or excuse me, a moment that might seem mundane and just kind of an everyday moment to some people, but that stands out to you that you either do or whatever, something with either kid or both kids.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: Sunday morning breakfast at the diner with my son.
27:58
SPEAKER_00: Uh at the and and this last time I went uh for graduation, I was gonna go to the graduation, and then I figured he wanna play with his friends or whatever, first day off from school and all that jazz.
28:08
SPEAKER_00: I said, um I said, if you want to get breakfast, that's cool.
28:10
SPEAKER_00: I said, if you don't, it's all good and stuff like that.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: And uh he said, Oh, I don't know.
28:14
SPEAKER_00: And then he didn't say anything about it, so I wasn't gonna bring it up and make him feel awkward.
28:18
SPEAKER_00: And then after graduation, we went uh we went out to dinner and um he's like, Are you leaving tonight?
28:24
SPEAKER_00: I was like, Oh yeah, I was probably going too.
28:26
SPEAKER_00: He's like, Well, I want to get breakfast tomorrow.
28:28
SPEAKER_00: You know, and it was a Monday, you know, or a Tuesday, and uh it was just pretty cool.
28:31
SPEAKER_00: That's like, I don't know.
28:32
SPEAKER_00: Breakfast is you know, it's like and and then for Maya it's um walks because when I go on walks with Maya, it disarms her.
28:41
SPEAKER_00: Like we talk about real stuff.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: And that's like the most meaningful thing to me with her.
28:44
SPEAKER_00: And that's the same thing with breakfast with my son, is like we talk about stuff in life.
28:49
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
28:50
SPEAKER_00: So walks with Maya and then and then breakfast with my son at the diner.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: Those are my two uh favorites, the absolute favorites.
28:57
SPEAKER_02: Nice.
28:58
SPEAKER_02: Mine is uh I have a few of them, but one of them that stands out is like weekend mornings, you know, because Catherine works on the weekends.
29:05
SPEAKER_02: Weekend mornings when the girls get up and like it's just quiet in the household and they're like watching cartoons or something, and I just like sit on the couch with them and they they both will come like snuggle up with me, you know what I mean?
29:18
SPEAKER_02: Where most of the time they don't they don't really want anything to do with me in terms of that.
29:22
SPEAKER_02: I don't, you know, but that's like in that morning they want to come snuggle, they want to like watch cartoons, and they're like, Oh, you're gonna you're gonna watch cartoons with us.
29:29
SPEAKER_02: I'm like, Yeah, you know, I'm gonna sit down for a little bit.
29:31
SPEAKER_02: That's uh that was one that always stands out.
29:32
SPEAKER_02: You know what else stands out is reading with them.
29:35
SPEAKER_02: Sophia obviously is a good reader and she's almost fifth grade reads on her own now, but like like Grace, I still and I did with Sophia growing up too at that age, but like with Grace, I still sit down and read with her, you know, a couple days a week and a lot more during the school year, during the summer, you know, they have their their summer reading challenge and all that for school, but just sitting with her and um just kind of like spending that quality time together, which is funny because I I I've had times and I've been really, really good at it for the last couple of years, but where I would get like frustrated because I thought that they should know certain words and should whatever.
30:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh, you know, that's gonna be uh I've been ballistic mad about that.
30:14
SPEAKER_02: And I've like really had to just like like God, if I get like that, they're gonna like they're gonna hate reading, and I don't want that, you know.
30:20
SPEAKER_02: So I've done a lot of a lot of praying on that, you know, and and have been really good about that for for a good long time now.
30:26
SPEAKER_02: And you know, there's still moments, but sitting down with her uh and reading and like just especially when she comes to like a really hard word, then I'm and in my head, I'm thinking, like, ah, she's not gonna get this one.
30:38
SPEAKER_02: And then she just she just gets it, you know.
30:40
SPEAKER_02: It's just I don't know, it's cool stuff, it's good stuff.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: So I think it I think it's super cool too, man.
30:44
SPEAKER_00: Like, because I I mean, like you just said, like I've had other things, whether it's homework or stuff, you like you get real frustrated, like, come on, man, it's the word is, or you know what I mean?
30:53
SPEAKER_00: Like it's like it's like, come on, man, what are we doing?
30:55
SPEAKER_00: You know what that math problem is, like we've done it before.
30:58
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I I think it's so much better, you know.
31:01
SPEAKER_00: I mean, I've more rewarding when that happens and you get mad, and then you go back to the table and you pray about it, and you breathe, and you come back with a new approach, and the new approach works, and it's way more gratifying.
31:14
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's parenting, man.
31:15
SPEAKER_00: You can't be afraid to fail.
31:16
SPEAKER_00: Hey, we're we're learning too as we're learning too as we go.
31:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're never gonna be perfect.
31:21
SPEAKER_02: Corey, what about you?
31:22
SPEAKER_02: Those those moments that are kind of everyday moments that just stick with you and stand out.
31:29
SPEAKER_03: Um I really I really don't have much different uh than you, Sean.
31:34
SPEAKER_03: Um for me, it's they my kids for some reason will get up in the middle of the freaking night and typically they run to our room and you know, half wake me up and then it's not gone.
31:49
SPEAKER_03: I like to I like to say a prayer in those moments very often.
31:55
SPEAKER_03: Very often.
31:58
SPEAKER_03: You know, because not everybody is so blessed, you know.
32:03
SPEAKER_03: So I do.
32:05
SPEAKER_03: I like to thank God in those moments.
32:07
SPEAKER_03: That's yeah, that's really we we were um we recently sat down and watched some Scooby-Doo, and I thought whenever so I'll say this whenever we get the opportunity to do something that I did as a child, like Scooby was my shit.
32:26
SPEAKER_03: I love Scooby-Doo.
32:27
SPEAKER_03: Um so like that's a moment for me.
32:30
SPEAKER_03: Like those things are moments for me.
32:32
SPEAKER_03: You know, we're watching like Tarzan or something, like things that I enjoyed as a kid.
32:37
SPEAKER_03: I like I got Sophia into rug rats, dude.
32:40
SPEAKER_03: Oh yeah, dude.
32:41
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, damn.
32:42
SPEAKER_03: We I think we skipped over rug rats, honestly.
32:45
SPEAKER_02: Tommy fucking pickles, man.
32:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, dude.
32:48
SPEAKER_03: That's great.
32:50
SPEAKER_03: I hope I didn't I hope I showed my kids rug rats.
32:53
SPEAKER_03: Now I don't know.
32:54
SPEAKER_03: You can go back.
32:54
SPEAKER_03: There's still time.
32:56
SPEAKER_03: I mean, yeah.
32:57
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, you're right.
32:59
SPEAKER_03: They're not too old.
33:00
SPEAKER_02: There's still time.
33:02
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
33:03
SPEAKER_02: So, all right, next question.
33:05
SPEAKER_02: Uh, like recent, not not like a dad fail, but like a a a humbling moment in parenthood.
33:13
SPEAKER_02: It could be funny, it could be tragic, it could be sad, could be happy, but like one of those, and I'll go first, I have one, but one of those moments where you're just like they got you, you know, the kids gotcha, or you know, you're just put in your place, but in a pro in an appropriate way.
33:27
SPEAKER_02: So mine actually just happened recently.
33:30
SPEAKER_02: Um, so you know, they have their Amazon Kindle, you know, like, and they can take pictures with it.
33:34
SPEAKER_02: Sophia loves taking pictures, she's got a knack for it.
33:37
SPEAKER_02: And there was a day not too long ago where I had just like a regular t-shirt on.
33:43
SPEAKER_02: And listen, I'm I'm I'm not, you know, I'm not necessarily the the slimmest dude in the world, you know what I mean?
33:49
SPEAKER_02: Like I've got the dad bod going on, and and I had the baby book bag, the baby's bag on my shoulders, and it's kind of like Catherine always tightens the straps.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: I like to have mine a little loose where it hangs.
33:59
SPEAKER_02: She likes to tighten them so they're like up here, you know, like a freaking parachute pack.
34:03
SPEAKER_02: And the way she Sophia took a picture of me, the shirt I had on, and because the book bag was like straps, I got boobs, dude.
34:11
SPEAKER_02: Like I got some major boobs, like they're bigger than Catherine's boobs.
34:15
SPEAKER_02: And it, dude, they she showed the whole family tonight at dinner, and they were laughing so hard at me, at the picture, but at me.
34:26
SPEAKER_02: And there was a moment where I was like, that that's like the angle, and like I don't, I'm not oh, and then I just was like, oh, just laugh, and I laughed my butt off.
34:35
SPEAKER_02: And it was it was really funny.
34:37
SPEAKER_02: I'll see if I can send it and show it to you guys.
34:39
SPEAKER_02: But it was just kind of like one of those moments, like it's okay to be the butt of the joke sometimes if it brings other people joy, you know.
34:48
SPEAKER_02: And obviously, there's there's a line there, and there's there's some people can't really handle it, but like I totally can, you know what I mean?
34:54
SPEAKER_02: And it's not it's not that big a deal, but um just one of those.
34:58
SPEAKER_02: What about what about you?
34:59
SPEAKER_02: Uh whoever wants to go next can go next.
35:01
SPEAKER_03: Just uh well, one of those moments.
35:04
SPEAKER_03: I can tell you that Noah made me a couple cards today.
35:07
SPEAKER_03: Um, one of them was a portrait of our family.
35:12
SPEAKER_03: And uh along the same line, Sean, he he pointed out that he only put a little bit of hair on my head.
35:20
SPEAKER_03: So he literally said, I only I only put a little hair there.
35:24
SPEAKER_02: That was your dad, the one with a little bit of hair.
35:26
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
35:27
SPEAKER_03: So I was like, oh, that's good.
35:28
SPEAKER_03: That's funny.
35:29
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, they dude, these kids get me all the damn time.
35:32
SPEAKER_03: Sometimes it is inappropriate.
35:33
SPEAKER_03: It's like, yo, you can't talk that way to an adult.
35:36
SPEAKER_03: You yeah, or like whatever, you know, like Lucy is good for it when she thinks it's she can correct an adult.
35:47
SPEAKER_03: That's funny.
35:48
SPEAKER_03: They get me all the time.
35:49
SPEAKER_02: Danny P.
35:50
SPEAKER_02: The humbling dad moments, the dad fails.
35:53
SPEAKER_00: No, yeah, dude.
35:54
SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
35:55
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to think like fail-wise, like like part of that.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: I mean, dude, my biggest fail as a dad is that Maya calls me out on all the time.
36:02
SPEAKER_00: Totally makes me look like an ass.
36:04
SPEAKER_00: It's forgetting stuff to pack for school or store camping.
36:09
SPEAKER_02: Stuff that mommy wouldn't forget.
36:10
SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah, exactly, dude.
36:11
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I get hammered on that all the time because I'm always like texting customers and stuff before we leave and packing lunch, not looking, dude.
36:18
SPEAKER_00: And it'd be like, You forgot my water bottle, and I was thirsty all day.
36:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, always not to mention there's 18 water fountains at your school kid.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, no, yeah, yeah.
36:31
SPEAKER_00: She literally goes to the nurse for the good water.
36:34
SPEAKER_00: The nurse has like Starbucks water or something.
36:36
SPEAKER_00: Oh man.
36:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:38
SPEAKER_00: But uh, yeah, I mean, that's my biggest thing, man.
36:40
SPEAKER_00: It's definitely that, you know what I mean?
36:42
SPEAKER_00: And then she always says, Daddy, why do you always have to walk around the house with no shirt on?
36:45
SPEAKER_00: I was like, get used to it, kid.
36:48
SPEAKER_02: That was low-key.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: That was a big thing, like having young kids walking around, like when they're really, really young, like walking around with little to no clothing on, you know, because they're young and it doesn't matter.
37:01
SPEAKER_02: And yeah, you know, and then obviously Catherine's a woman, so there's like the woman thing with them, and like them getting Sophia specifically getting to a certain age where it's like, yo, I can't do that anymore.
37:11
SPEAKER_00: You know, boxers is a no now.
37:13
SPEAKER_00: Boxers.
37:14
SPEAKER_00: You can't do that anymore.
37:14
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, like I gotta I gotta lock the door when I'm in the shower or getting changed because they'll just you know, they'll just burst right in.
37:21
SPEAKER_02: They don't they're not knocking, you know what I mean, unless the door's locked.
37:23
SPEAKER_00: But I've walked out I've walked out of the shower before just to scurry to the room real quick and said, Daddy, you gotta put your clothes on.
37:31
SPEAKER_00: I can see your thing.
37:33
SPEAKER_01: Oh no.
37:34
unknown: Oh my god.
37:35
SPEAKER_00: I was like, come on, man.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: This is not I'm gonna get this.
37:39
SPEAKER_00: Don't say that loud, man.
37:40
SPEAKER_00: Don't say that out loud.
37:41
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's not okay.
37:43
SPEAKER_00: That's funny.
37:45
SPEAKER_02: Um biggest challenge about being a dad in recovery.
37:53
SPEAKER_02: You guys need a moment to think about that?
37:56
SPEAKER_03: Schedule.
37:57
SPEAKER_03: Schedule, I think.
37:59
SPEAKER_02: Elaborate a little bit.
38:01
SPEAKER_03: Well, you just gotta we live a certain way of life.
38:05
SPEAKER_03: You gotta have time for those things, and you gotta still but I'd say balance and schedule.
38:10
SPEAKER_03: You you know what I mean?
38:11
SPEAKER_03: I don't know.
38:12
SPEAKER_03: Maybe maybe everybody has shit going on that like maybe people that aren't in recovery.
38:16
SPEAKER_02: Just because we all do it, I mean, yeah, it's I don't think it's the wrong answer.
38:20
SPEAKER_03: Because you know, I I I can't speak from somebody who's not in recovery, but like being in recovery, I look at it like uh people that are not that don't have recovery to worry about have two things to worry about work, family, you know, and maybe that's a little narrow short-sighted or whatever.
38:38
SPEAKER_03: But at least for us, it's recovery, work, family, not in that order, but like you gotta juggle those things.
38:45
SPEAKER_03: You gotta, you gotta, you know, work life balance, but also you gotta make sure you're putting recovery first, too.
38:52
SPEAKER_03: And whatever.
38:52
SPEAKER_03: That's what I was gonna say.
38:53
SPEAKER_02: I think it kind of is, I think it kind of is that order to a degree.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: Like, obviously, we're not neglecting.
38:57
SPEAKER_03: I think I said work for I think I said work second before family.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: But but right, but I mean I agree, like for people like us, we have to prioritize recovery, and that now that doesn't mean that I miss my daughter's dance recital because I have a meeting to go to, but but there is an element of like, okay, I have to make sure that my recovery is solid and I'm spiritually fit, otherwise, I'm a crappy parent, you know what I mean, or I'm not I'm not nearly the best parent I could be, you know.
39:24
SPEAKER_03: Well, and that's that I guess I would say that too, actually.
39:27
SPEAKER_03: Like, maybe that's the hardest part is is being spiritually fit so that you're not you know being a shitty person to your kids, yelling at them for not getting their math homework right, yeah.
39:39
SPEAKER_03: Exactly.
39:40
SPEAKER_03: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39:41
SPEAKER_03: Maybe that's it, you know.
39:43
SPEAKER_02: I do think like our schedule is crazy busy.
39:46
SPEAKER_02: I think scheduling is you hit it spot on there.
39:49
SPEAKER_02: And and not just the actual scheduling, but communicating that to my to Catherine and to the spouse, making sure that we are both on the same page.
39:58
SPEAKER_02: Uh some time ago we implemented the the dry erase board calendar in the kitchen and the shared Google calendar uh that my superior Android um has over the iPhones, of course.
40:10
SPEAKER_02: But um that's a huge, like that's a huge, huge thing because the calendar, we can both see it.
40:16
SPEAKER_02: I can if I'm if I create something on the calendar, I can send it to her and she gets it and it's on hers.
40:22
SPEAKER_02: We have it color-coded.
40:23
SPEAKER_02: Like we got it down pretty good, and it's been extremely effective.
40:26
SPEAKER_02: And then the one in the kitchen, just kind of there, so we see it every day, multiple times a day.
40:31
SPEAKER_02: That's a huge deal because we're like Monday through Thursday, we're busy every single night of the week.
40:38
SPEAKER_02: Like one of us is typically out, at least for a little while, those nights.
40:43
SPEAKER_02: And then Friday, Saturday, Sunday is different.
40:45
SPEAKER_02: You know, we were home together as a family Friday night.
40:48
SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, um, I'm like totally drawing a blank on whatever last night was Saturday.
40:56
SPEAKER_02: I don't even remember what I did last night, guys.
40:59
SPEAKER_02: But my point is like the weekends are a little different, you know.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: And then tonight we were with family.
41:03
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I know we did.
41:04
SPEAKER_02: Never mind.
41:05
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, see, I I love the you know, I mean, busyness.
41:08
SPEAKER_00: And that's like, you know, with me, man, you add in the added element that I'm gone one weekend a month.
41:13
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
41:14
SPEAKER_00: So you add in that, you add in that too, you know, and then also uh like that's my biggest is you know, the last whatever five years, but really the last two years that Lissa's been in uh school, like hardcore.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
41:26
SPEAKER_00: Saturdays and Sundays, she's doing school work all day long, you know.
41:29
SPEAKER_00: And I'm working on Saturdays, a lot of times I take Maya with me and do all this stuff and finding the time for it.
41:34
SPEAKER_00: But I really think the biggest thing is is that like you have your days when you do stuff, da da da, you know, and that's all good.
41:40
SPEAKER_00: But when all of a sudden, like you're in a funk, or you I need to go to a recovery meeting, or I need to do this, and it's not on the schedule.
41:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and it's something that that that the biggest thing is the understanding of your spouse to know that this is okay, no matter what.
41:55
SPEAKER_02: I need a couple hours just to me, yeah.
41:56
SPEAKER_00: And to and to know you have that back.
41:59
SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
42:00
SPEAKER_00: Like she's got your back, like she knows that like this has to happen.
42:03
SPEAKER_00: You know, that that's really honestly the biggest thing because the schedule is schedule.
42:06
SPEAKER_00: We can all schedule stuff, everyone's busy, you know.
42:08
SPEAKER_00: I mean, we can all do all this stuff, but like it's really that those moments where you're like, I need I need I need an hour or two, man.
42:15
SPEAKER_00: I gotta go, you know what I mean, and and clear myself out or something like that.
42:19
SPEAKER_00: Like, that's really what gives me the backing and support to like know that like I'm good, you know.
42:24
SPEAKER_00: But like, yeah, I mean that I would say that that with kids, man, the hard that's the hardest balance of the things that we learn in sobriety and all the things and life skills and that come with it and all that jazz.
42:34
SPEAKER_00: It's just such a different element, you know, for people that haven't dealt with it in sobriety, you know, it's such a different element to deal with.
42:41
SPEAKER_00: It really is.
42:43
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, that's a good, that's a good point.
42:45
SPEAKER_02: And I think too, um, you know, somebody said it earlier, like when you do things as a family that we did as kids, it is extremely cool.
42:55
SPEAKER_02: But I think equal to that is creating new traditions with our our our immediate family, you know, like the our wives, our our partners, our spouses, and our kids, you know.
43:06
SPEAKER_02: Um Catherine's really good with that.
43:08
SPEAKER_02: She's always like, you know, because we'll be like, we're going out to dinner one night and be like, oh, should we invite my parents?
43:13
SPEAKER_02: Because it's it's close enough.
43:14
SPEAKER_02: Like we can just go to Jupiter, and that's halfway between us and them.
43:18
SPEAKER_02: And a lot of times, most of the times they are invited and accommodated with, but sometimes Catherine's like, no, like let's just have this be just us and our family, and let's do this together and let's make this a new tradition.
43:30
SPEAKER_02: You know, like the simple, easy one is like Christmas morning, you know.
43:34
SPEAKER_02: Like every other year we go to Pennsylvania, but on the years we're here, you know, my parents don't come over, we don't get with them until like later on in the afternoon.
43:42
SPEAKER_02: Like we have that morning time, just the five of us now, and the four of us for a few years where it's just us and it's just the immediate family, and like we're creating those new traditions, which I think is extremely important, you know.
43:55
SPEAKER_02: I think that's extremely important.
43:56
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I love it, man.
43:57
SPEAKER_00: I love traditions in every sense of the form.
44:00
SPEAKER_00: what I mean that's why a lot of times why we go to Connecticut most of the time, you know, but we're trying to create those new things here too.
44:06
SPEAKER_00: You know, where it's pretty um it's pretty awesome, man.
44:08
SPEAKER_00: And it's like a newfound experience.
44:12
SPEAKER_02: Um so I got like a couple kind of rapid fire closing questions that I want to go uh it they're kind of fun.
44:19
SPEAKER_02: Um we can have a little fun or we can have a little fun with them.
44:22
SPEAKER_02: So uh first one um if your kids were asked to describe you in three words right now what do you think they'd say um I'll let me go first just because I I don't even know if this is right.
44:36
SPEAKER_02: But so like that my kids are at the age where like they think when they call you like ugly and fat and like a poopy head like it's the most hilarious thing in the world you know um and I can just hear Grace be like you're ugly you know like that's just her thing.
44:52
SPEAKER_02: But I would say describe me right now I would say um I don't even know it's it's kind of a hard one to be totally honest with you but I would say um like busy I would say they would say that we're busy um because they're they're old enough to know like which one of you are going out tonight you know when the nights were out and stuff like that.
45:20
SPEAKER_02: Like Sophia always compares how tan her and I are because she got the tan gene for me she would always say how tan we are she's kind of at that age now where images becoming something but um I would hope I would hope all funniness aside I would hope that they would recognize that I am present in their lives you know not just physically not just financially but emotionally and I think they would I really do think they would I'm I'm very conscious of telling them I'm proud of them telling them I love them telling them what a good job they did telling them how beautiful they are you know but also at the same time like you know we were playing Uno uh the other actually as a matter of fact Friday night we were all home together we had like family game that we were playing Uno and then we were playing it tonight at our at the with the the rest of the family and Grace knows how to play but you know Uno you do the you give somebody a pick plus four card or plus two they got to pick cards and you know when you get the plus four you're like oh Gracie and she like like I'm sorry that's all I had it's like no no no Grace like you're playing the game the right way we're just busting your chops like teaching them that you know like it's okay to lose don't be a sore loser don't be a sore winner.
46:29
SPEAKER_02: You know trying your best is still the most important thing you know all that stuff I I I would think that they would whether if they couldn't articulate that that that would at least stand out to them that I'm teaching them those values and those morals and and you know all that good stuff.
46:47
SPEAKER_00: So I don't know harder than you it's harder than you think what about you Dan what do you think they would say yeah Uno man draw four Maya growls at me if I give her a a draw four yeah uh I mean I I would say that she 100% would say I love basketball and softball.
47:04
SPEAKER_00: You know she always says all yeah golf for me yeah yeah yeah yeah why do you always why are you watching basketball every day you know what I mean on the TV and stuff she always asks me that all the time and she comes to my games and stuff and obviously softball.
47:16
SPEAKER_00: Uh two that I'm loud I'm very loud obviously um and then I think number three would be that I work a lot you know what I mean that I'm a hard worker Corey Yeah um do they know you have small hands?
47:38
SPEAKER_02: Yes they do they're aware of that yep would they say my would they say my dad's really good on the guitar?
47:47
SPEAKER_03: Yeah yeah except they're they're not impressed like they're really not sometimes I'll play I'll usually play at night like even after this I might and uh Lucy will just like turn up her tablet as loud as she can and I'll be like can you turn that down and she'll be like I can't hear it because you're playing too loud she don't care they don't care.
48:09
SPEAKER_03: She gets her mother's attitude huh don't get me started it's not the day um anyway Noah would say I'm strong he thinks I'm the strongest person in the world as little boys should about their fathers.
48:26
SPEAKER_03: Yeah he's sorely mistaken but we know this long that's uh he didn't say emotionally strong because I'm breaking I'm breaking down as far as that goes but um but he thinks I'm physically he thinks I can beat up anybody or anything so that's fun um but yeah that is nice to hear from you know little boy um and then I think they both would say I work that I'm some variation of hard working they they they complain that I work all the time which sucks actually it's not it's not really what you want to hear from your kids necessarily because they don't mean it in a oh I'm so proud of my dad or at least my kids don't you know right right they don't have that distinction yeah they don't they mean it as in hey we're outside running through the sprinkler and you're not out here.
49:17
SPEAKER_03: Yeah come with us but uh most of the time they're complaining about that it's literally office hours and I'm like listen just because I work from home like normally I wouldn't be here you know yeah um and then I don't know I mean if they're in a bad mood they or if I'm putting the hammer down they'd say I'm mean and whatever and then run away and not talk to me and stuff but most of the time I think they they would I think they would say I'm silly because I I play with them a lot.
49:48
SPEAKER_03: Yeah so I like to play around.
49:52
SPEAKER_00: You guys uh Dan what is oh go ahead go ahead so do you guys as Corey just said drop the hammer down I was just curious so after you guys drop the hammer down do you give the like 10 to 15 minute little window and then go back in explain apologize for getting mad and explain why yep it yeah I mean it's definitely circumstantial for sure.
50:13
SPEAKER_02: Um but yes espe it I mean I've apologized because I I've gone that I went over the top like it it wasn't necessarily I think that's that's also a different too like I I agree with that but that's also if I lose my cool and lose my marbles and it was uncalled for 100%.
50:31
SPEAKER_02: But even if not even if they were dead in the wrong and I was doing my appropriate job as a parent I will still go in later still explain it.
50:39
SPEAKER_02: Do you understand why I got upset?
50:40
SPEAKER_02: Do you understand why you're in trouble?
50:42
SPEAKER_02: Explain to me what you did that wasn't okay kind of thing.
50:46
SPEAKER_00: Right you you have to like I just feel like you know especially at their our kids absolutely young and age you have to this doesn't mean that daddy and mommy don't love you but this ex behavior was unacceptable and we don't act that way in this household yeah.
51:02
SPEAKER_03: There was a there was a moment recently and I can't I can't speak to as if it was over the top or not because I didn't do it.
51:09
SPEAKER_02: It was definitely Gabby but nice um but you gotta love it when it's the other when it's the mom the other parent well and you get to be like come here come here baby it's okay mommy was just upset yeah well I mean I I stayed firm with her but uh I don't know if she'd appreciate me putting it out there but I don't care um dude she ripped she doesn't listen to this podcast no she doesn't she ripped every one of Noah's toys out of his room I will say it was an ongoing saga of him not helping clean up and shit like that.
51:41
SPEAKER_02: But that's one of those things like once you start and you commit to it you have to do follow through even if you know it's overboard and you're gonna apologize later you have to follow through in the moment.
51:50
SPEAKER_03: We followed through for a couple days like they were not in his room and he What did you make him do?
51:58
SPEAKER_03: What did I make him do?
51:59
SPEAKER_02: Like what did he do?
52:00
SPEAKER_03: Like no no no what did he do when he didn't have the toys like because that's the other thing we want to take all this stuff away yeah right and then and then he needs something to occupy him right and then us he had some he he had some but it was damn near every toy like it was she the only reason the main toy box didn't come out is because she didn't she didn't couldn't get it out herself that's but um everything else came out pretty much and um I mean he didn't get to play all all that day and then I can't really remember the next two days but they stayed out of his room for like two days and then I even followed up because he still wasn't listening and he was still acting up going nuts and whatever and I followed up and I said okay I had to go uh meet somebody and I was like you're coming with me I guess you're coming with me because you're you're making this household crazy and uh that was a whole thing and then I ended up uh staying his room for a little bit and thinking over and then we had a discussion and whatnot but he didn't get his toys bound for like two days.
53:04
SPEAKER_03: You gotta take care of your shit.
53:05
SPEAKER_03: Alright?
53:07
SPEAKER_03: Parents are out here buying toys and shit for you and you don't take care of them.
53:10
SPEAKER_03: You don't put them away so yeah it was it was it was actually annoying.
53:16
SPEAKER_02: I was really pissed that it was happening but you gotta I couldn't you know I wasn't gonna go to Gabby in that moment and be like really like you really gotta do this right now you know yeah you haven't got to say none though dude if you make a face of unsupportiveness you're done oh yeah done um all right last last two here Corey single piece of advice you'd give to a dad who is in early recovery and feels just completely overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do single piece of advice you'd give them I mean it's too easy um it's not not really that thought out or anything but stay grounded in whatever foundation you have and in your recovery.
54:01
SPEAKER_03: That's the it's literally going to be the one and only thing that actually matters kinda you know what I mean because without that nothing else happens.
54:08
SPEAKER_02: Well that's that's the the key downfall of a lot of people in early recovery especially with families is like they think they have to rush headlong into their financial situation or fix everything in the family when you know brother you got to get right you got to get right spiritually and get the fundamentals of recovery down and support and all that.
54:29
SPEAKER_03: And because I promise the rest of it's crap if you don't yes just parents in general and I know Dan is going to have something for this um because he's you're Dan you're a shining example of this man.
54:40
SPEAKER_03: I so many people have gotten sober that already had kids or were having kids or whatever and that they didn't prioritize their recovery right or or they they they succumb to the notion that like you know I'm good now let me focus on all this other stuff.
54:57
SPEAKER_03: Like treatment industry discussion aside and all that we all know I have mixed feelings but like you know sometimes it's just best that you stay your ass here in Florida for a couple of months dry out get some type of foundation like I know you got a family back home but like if you do this once then you may never have to leave your family again.
55:21
SPEAKER_03: Right.
55:22
SPEAKER_03: If you don't do what needs to be done now you might leave change you gotta many many times yeah and hopefully you don't die you know so like that's always been it's and it's hard to tell people it's hard because they don't see it that way they and it's like it's it's admirable to a degree because I've talked with people that are like no no no I got I got a responsibility like I got my family and I get that today.
55:42
SPEAKER_03: I I didn't always but I get it today.
55:44
SPEAKER_03: But like trust me like you gotta do what is right now.
55:52
SPEAKER_03: Whatever that is and I'm not saying that's always stay in Florida and do blah blah blah.
55:56
SPEAKER_03: I'm not saying that I know what's best for everybody.
55:59
SPEAKER_03: I've often seen people make what seems like the wrong decisions.
56:03
SPEAKER_03: Right.
56:06
SPEAKER_00: What about you Dan single best piece of advice you would give a dad in early sobriety I'd give a two part I'd give a you know what I mean just a in general um like what I did is you know this program, you know, and these recovery meetings and things work because people came before us and they did these things.
56:23
SPEAKER_00: So the people that are around you if you're new in sobriety and you're going to recovery meetings like you should be going to then trust the people around you that came before you to use them as a crutch to talk to to get answers to get you know guidance you know whether you have a mentor or not you know I mean those people that's why I stayed in Florida.
56:43
SPEAKER_00: You know the that that that's Alex came in and gave the talk and that's why I went to Iop and then I got a mentor and my mentor said give it a year you know so like you know look him dead in the eye and say hey bud how's your life going on your terms oh you're in rehab oh that's wild.
56:59
SPEAKER_00: Again yeah maybe maybe we listen to somebody else you know like that'd be my my sobriety part of it and then my second part of it because I also live this too man is that you can kick your own ass.
57:10
SPEAKER_00: I mean nonstop I'm not there you know my ex is mad you know my I lost my house and all these things and all this negativity you know but the number one job that you have as a parent is to be present.
57:23
SPEAKER_00: Just do that.
57:24
SPEAKER_00: That's all you have to do and you're successful.
57:26
SPEAKER_00: You know we put this weight and goals of things uh my kids got to do this and my kids got to do that.
57:31
SPEAKER_00: You just got to be present man that's it and that's like that's what I you know I struggle with like being showing up for my son that's the gift of sobriety right there.
57:41
SPEAKER_02: There's an old uh there's an old Native American like leader that had a quote I'm I'm not gonna I'll paraphrase it but he basically said you know show me a child who's smiling and laughing and I'll I'll show you that they have a good foundation or something of that nature.
57:58
SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
57:59
SPEAKER_02: And there's a lot of truth to that there's a lot of truth to that.
58:01
SPEAKER_02: So all right here we go last one complete this sentence being a father in recovery has taught me that love is less about being perfect and more about I would say showing my vulnerabilities.
58:20
SPEAKER_02: Love is less about being perfect and more about I would say being emotionally available.
58:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah yeah being being present comes to mind yeah admitting you're admitting you're wrong you know showing that your our kids and our our loved ones that it's okay to admit when you're wrong.
58:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah that's a huge one we're going on in right now you know what I mean because they want to hold on to it my head I didn't forget that at camp.
58:43
SPEAKER_02: Listen we just minor minor the my the vulnerability part is mine like like and I have I struggle with that in the rooms of recovery too is when I share talking about like vulnerable like being vulnerable right I always want to put on this you know front of solid spiritual foundation which I like I do have but you know I still have struggles and and shortcomings.
59:06
SPEAKER_03: So this is why I don't share because I can't help but tell people how bad I suck.
59:11
SPEAKER_00: Well I mean I could tell you know what I mean like being I think we can learn from each other Corey.
59:16
SPEAKER_00: Being in the rooms man is like you know when you when you speak with that emotional vulnerability man that hits people hard you know it really does.
59:24
SPEAKER_02: When people feel that realness you know that has the cause and effect to it also yeah boys I love this this uh episode Dan this is the first father's day you've been with us I love that um again shout out to all the fathers stepfathers soon to be fathers future fathers father figures role models that's my one my my only one other gripe I gotta real quick I don't even like stepfather I don't even like that because if you're a dad you're a dad all right I don't even I don't even like the stepfather fair fair point fair point um thank you guys this is uh this is always a fun episode and uh we wish Greg could have been here but we know he's doing the father thing so shout out to our listeners please like follow and share on all social medias at Trud Report Pod.
1:00:08
SPEAKER_02: Uh email us Trudreportpod at yahoo.com send in your mailbag request for topics questions comments concerns to any of these handles remember we are all here if you want to talk about recovery our experience in recovery or if you're struggling with some form of addiction thank you again to Janine and Stella Mix Podcast Management.
1:00:27
SPEAKER_02: Good night God bless and may you trudge the road of happy destiny see you next week