Latest / Dam Parenting / Late night recording - but for us on Mothers Day

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Late night recording - but for us on Mothers Day · Dam Parenting

• 0:00
  Today is just you and me. No guests, no expert, no
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  research paper. But this.
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  To the mother who's holding a baby right now, the one who
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  hasn't slept past 4:00 AM in 11 weeks, whose arms have become a
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  country someone else lives in and whose body is no longer
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  entirely her own, this is for you.
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  To the mother whose children woke up this morning and did not
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  remember what day it was, whose partner forgot or got busy or
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  meant well and then got distracted by something that
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  felt more urgent than you, this is for you.
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  To the mother who opened Instagram this morning and saw
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  the bouquets, the breakfast in bed, the heart-shaped pancake
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  and the cards made with tiny careful hands, the brunch
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  reservation and the nanny in the background and the caption that
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  says they spoil me and felt not joy for them but a quiet,
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  private grief for yourself. Put the phone down.
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  That is not a window, that's a stage.
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  You're not missing something, you're living something.
• 1:01
  This is for you. To the mother who loves her
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  children fiercely, completely without question, and also in
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  the same breath, in the same chest, is so tired.
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  Not tired the way sleep fixes tired.
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  The way only being seen could fix the kind of tired that lives
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  behind the eyes and in the shoulders and in the part of you
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  that is always calculating. The school trip, the four day
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  weekend with no childcare, the snacks, the dentist appointment,
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  the shoes they've grown out of, the snotty kisses you catch in
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  the palm while your other hand is already doing something else.
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  This is for you. Today.
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  The brands will offer you 10% off and they're going to offer
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  you free printables. And they will offer you courses
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  that promise to fix exhaustion, the identity loss and the
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  loneliness. For three payments of €47. close
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  the tab. The brands go back to full price
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  tomorrow. The courses are not holding your
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  hand tonight. You are.
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  You are the one who shows up. You are the one who always shows
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  up. And that is not small.
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  That is everything to the mother who is an ocean away from her
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  own mother today, who's parenting a country that is not
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  the one she was parented in, who's raising children in a
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  language that is not her own, Who built her village from
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  scratch, from nothing, from courage, from necessity.
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  And some days that village holds her, and some days she wonders
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  if it's enough. It is.
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  You are. This is for you tonight.
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  If it's pizza in front of the television, good.
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  If there is no bath simply because you cannot do one more
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  thing, good. If the children go to bed 20
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  minutes later because it was just easier and you needed it to
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  be easier, good. The good enough mother is not a
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  compromise. She is the sanest woman in the
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  room. You do not need to earn today.
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  You do not need to perform gratitude for flowers that were
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  almost an afterthought. You do not need to be grateful
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  for the bare minimum dressed up in cellophane.
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  What you need, what you've always needed, is someone who
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  sees the weight. The invisible, unceasing,
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  beautiful, brutal weight. And it says I see it.
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  Let me take it just for today. And if that doesn't come today,
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  if today is just another Sunday with a different name, then let
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  me be the voice that says it to you instead.
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  I see you. I see the version of you that
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  existed before the children, and the version of you that exists
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  because of them, and the version of you that is still becoming
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  something that you don't have words for yet.
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  All three of her are here, and all three of her matter.
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  So today, just one thing. Not a list, not a plan, not ten
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  steps to reclaim yourself. Just one thing.
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  A shower with the door locked. A cup of tea you drink while
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  it's still warm. A single breath of outside air.
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  A toilet break alone with the lock turned small.
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  Yours done for no one, but for you that is enough.
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  That is the whole practice. Every day is Mother's Day when
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  we remember to come back to ourselves.
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  Not when we have earned it. Not when the children are older
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  or the house is quieter or someone finally notices what it
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  costs to do what you do. Now, in the middle of it, in the
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  noise and the love and the relentlessness of it all.
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  Now, you're not alone in any of this.
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  Not in the gratitude, not in the resentment, not in the love, and
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  not in the longing for quiet, not in the pride and not in the
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  grief for the woman that you were before and for the woman
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  you're still finding. You're not alone.
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  You never have been alone. That is what this show is.
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  That is what we are. Happy Mother's Day.
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  Go do the one thing and I'll be back tomorrow.