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Dave Gloss - Being A Mindful Father · Quarterback DadCast | Intentional Fatherhood & Leadership at Home

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Riley and I'm Ryder, and this is my dad show.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: Hey everybody, it's Casey Jaycox with the quarterback dad cast.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: Welcome to season six and I could not be more excited to have you join me for another year of fantastic episodes and conversations really unscripted and raw and authentic conversations with dads.
• 0:25
  Speaker 2: If you're new to this podcast, really it's simple.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: It's a podcast where we interview dads, we learn about how they were raised, we learn about the life lessons that were important to them, we learn about the values that are important to them and really we learn about how we can work hard to become a better quarterback or leader of our home.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: So let's sit back, relax and listen to today's episode on the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: Well, hey, everybody, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: Again, we're in season six and I get so excited to interview other dads who come, referred by previous guests, and so I got to give love to the talented Greg Offner, who can tickle the ivory and captivate an audience with his voice, and he said you got to talk to my friend, dave Gloss, and Dave is an executive coach, strategic advisor, helping companies in many different ways, also adopting the power of AI.
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: I'm sure you guys have heard about that.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I found out he's a diehard we think diehard Flyers fan.
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: He definitely admitted that the Kraken are a better hockey team.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: We'll see if that's still the truth False.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: He did not say that.
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: But more importantly, we're having Dave on today because we're learning about Dave the dad, how he's working hard to become the ultimate quarterback or leader of his household.
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: So, without further ado, mr Glass, welcome to the Quarterback Dadcast.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Thank you, my friend.
• 1:48
  Speaker 1: Good to be here.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: Thanks, greg, for the nudge.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: My friend, I don't do these that often.
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: He's like you need to talk to this guy.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: So I'm like all right, well, check it out.
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: Well, I'm grateful.
• 1:53
  Speaker 2: So we always start speaking of grateful.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: We always start out each episode with gratitude.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: So tell me, what are you most grateful for as a dad today?
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: Yeah, we, yeah, we've been on kind of perma vacation this summer.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: We've done a bunch of trips.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: So my daughter she's five my wife and I just the three of us.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: We did a little bit of camping earlier this summer.
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: We did about to gear up for another week out in Colorado.
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: So just really grateful for this time, these memories, experiences.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: We're kind of getting going.
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: And I went independent.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I used to work for a consulting firm doing all the coaching and the team work and strategy stuff and I went independent in January and it's been a blessed year.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: Being a present husband and father is my number one priority in life and you know, kind of going independent has kind of created this.
• 2:49
  Speaker 1: So right now I'm just exploiting the fruits of the labor and the intention.
• 2:55
  Speaker 1: So it's been nice.
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: Love that.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: That spoke to me in many different ways which we'll dive into.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: But what I'm grateful for is a couple things.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: One my wife is home.
• 3:05
  Speaker 2: She was gone for about a week and a half.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: Our family goes to the East Coast every summer and my wife usually stays another week and a half by herself, gets some nice mom time with a bunch of moms on this small little island called Cuddyhunk Island, which is off the coast of Boston.
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: And so I like last week I had some great time, one-on-one time, my son and my daughter.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: So I'm grateful the family's back, but I had some of those moments.
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: My kids are a little older than yours.
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: I got a 19 and almost 17-year-old Just a little bit older, yeah, but I remember when my kids were five, brother, that was like yesterday and time is like speeding up, but I'm grateful you're.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: When your daughter's older, you'll start experiencing this.
• 3:47
  Speaker 2: But, like my son had that breakthrough of things I've said to him forever but it just wasn't clicking.
• 3:51
  Speaker 2: And then he finally had this aha moment.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: It was actually on the golf course about.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: Um, for those that play golf, do you play golf at all?
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I can.
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: I can swing the sticks and pick up the ball, but I'm not competitive.
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: So, like I play still a lot, my son plays, obviously in college.
• 4:08
  Speaker 2: But like the power I've always told him I said the most powerful golf club is not in your bag, it's your mind, and you can beat most people in life with your mind, how you show up.
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: And he finally just had this thought of like dad, I can't control where the ball goes.
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: I think I can, but what I can control is am I committed, is it the right club, do I feel confident about this stuff?
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: And then I do my best.
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: And then once it's, once I hit the ball, I can't control anything out.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: And it was like, oh my God, I've said that to you 10 times, dude but like once he got it instead of me saying, hey, dip shit, I told it.
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: I said I said, dude, I'm so glad you said that's, that's so powerful.
• 4:46
  Speaker 2: So I made it like it was him his idea.
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: No, I didn't wasn't manipulating, but I was just like reminding him, like let's celebrate your growth right there and I'm just I'm grateful for those moments in life when they happen, um, because maybe it says all the work that we've done up into that, it's like starting to click, yeah, but it was a really really cool moment to see him experience that.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: So I was really grateful for that this week I love that.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: No, it's funny.
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: Like in my daughter being five, like and this is my first and our only I got snipped and I'm like we're done and uh, um, you know, she, she's now just came online and I'm realizing all of the lessons and things that we've been talking about.
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I'm like like, oh, she doesn't remember any of that.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: We've got to start over or keep going and such.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: So it's funny, just like where it starts, where it picks up, where it falls off and comes back around 100%.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: Well, bring me inside the gloss huddle.
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: You're the quarterback, I'm guessing your wife's the general manager of most good marriages.
• 5:42
  Speaker 2: So talk about how you and your wife met and then talk a little bit about your daughter and what she's into.
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, it's the three of us in the core we have.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: Like, my sister lives about 10 minutes down the road.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: My parents are another 20 minutes down the road.
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: Emma, emma, she grew up in an ocean Grove, asbury park area, new Jersey.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: Uh, really close like uh crew of friends and she's still friends with it I feel grateful to be a part of.
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: So we actually all got married and had kids around the same time, so we had very much a village mentality when we're raising our, our, our kids together.
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: So the huddles and just the three of us, um, but, uh, but yeah.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: So my wife and I met I was actually I was engaged once before and I had.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: Before I got engaged, I had, we had my, my ex and I.
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: We had split up for a bit and I jumped on OkCupid just for some ego stroking in between the breakup and getting back together.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Then Emma reached out to me.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: On there we were on, we were, she was my 99% match, if you remember okay, cuba back in the day, or, if you're, if you're you're, you have a high school sweetheart, so probably not.
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: So basically it's, it's an, it's an algorithm, uh, that like you answer certain questions and you set to get matched based off of your responses and it's like a fun way to kind of connect, not just swipe right or left.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: It's like a fun way to kind of connect, not just swipe right or left, and it uses some data science, which is super appealing to my wife and I, who's a psychologist and I'm super, super data nerd and we, we, we connected and she reached out to me but, like I, she did it three times, by the way.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: So this is like kind of a funny story.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: Like I didn't reach back out and she did it three times.
• 7:20
  Speaker 1: And the last message she's like listen, bud, I don't do this that often, like I don't really do this, but there's something about you that I want to connect with.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I was getting back with my ex and I said like hey, I'm sorry, I just really forward.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: I was like, sorry, what happened?
• 7:34
  Speaker 1: I just not going to be right now, but thank you so much, I appreciate it.
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: Blah, blah, blah Instead of ghosting which you know, I think became a norm I, long story short, I get engaged, I call it off.
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: And then I reached back out to Emma and she was getting her dissertation and she was doing it on a couple's therapy, like mindfulness based practices in relationships, and she's like listen, you're probably a mess right now.
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I don't actually want to get involved, but I have no problem like interviewing you and finding out what it was like for you.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: And we ended up having these like super involved, really deep conversations, like I remember like the feeling that I had during it was like um, uh, like back in like eighth grade when you still had a cord phone and talking to somebody for the first time and you talk for hours and just like's easy and whatnot.
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: Um, and then we just started dating.
• 8:26
  Speaker 1: It was too good to be true.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: I slow rolled it because I was like this has got more than this can't be just a rebound, um, but it it was good.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: We were like the right match and there was so much that I had learned from that old relationship that I knew I needed in my partner and who I was going to raise a family with.
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: That like made it very clear what I was standing for, what I wasn't.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: Emma just sort of came up into all that.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: So, um, and then we have Shay yeah, we had Shay add to the mix and, um, she is a ball of joy, a perfect combination of the two of us.
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: Um, you know, again, she's five.
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: So she's like super artsy.
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: And you know, um, you know she loves working out with dads.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: She's like, dad, let's do it, let's do a youtube workout.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, cool, she just wants me to carry her when I'm doing squats and like and stuff, which I'm like I'm fine with um, but yeah, it's kind of like our, our world right now.
• 9:19
  Speaker 2: That's so cool well, um, a couple things there that made you really home.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: I one, I love that your daughter already sees the dad works out.
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, um, I was a college athlete.
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: Um, I was a college athlete that then stopped because I was just like you know, I was just not let me burn out from like just intense working out, and then I just went like, didn't do anything, which was not the right answer, and all of a sudden I'm like good god, I'm turning the job of the hut, I can't be doing this and and then that then fitness became part of our, our journey.
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: When our kids were young, we put them in the stroller, a little jogging stroller, and we'd take a princess or a car or football we'd like.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: So all they knew is and then we got into crossfit and then stopped doing that and so now they just see mom and dad, whether it's taking a walk with a weighted vest on um, doing push-ups, doing something, and it's so cool to see that, um, when your kids see it, that's how they adopt it.
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you know.
• 10:15
  Speaker 2: So that means she'll be, she'll probably get to exercise, you know.
• 10:18
  Speaker 2: And and I always tell people, like, find me a day where you work out and you say, man, I wish I didn't work out today.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: You know, you always want to exercise.
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: Yeah, well, I, I love you.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: You share that man.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: Like you know, I have that thought.
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: Like I remember my mom, like doing Jane Fonda.
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: I remember my mom, like you know, running on the treadmill.
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: I can still hear the kunk, kunk, kunk, kunk while I'm playing.
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: You know, nhl, uh 93, and like the deke, did you have the deke?
• 10:50
  Speaker 1: yeah, the blood on the ice, all of it oh yeah it was the, it was the best, um, but I like I, as I've gotten older and the work that I do is all about you know, behavior change and the psychology of group dynamics and understanding, like, what your strengths are and what your influences are and how things, when you're like seven, like anchor your core values and I'm like the fact that I have that, I'm like, oh, I see her leaning into it.
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: It makes me excited to be like what are we modeling Right?
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: What are we showing up as so?
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: that's awesome.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I got to ask I see so people on at home listening to you can't see it.
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: But I get to see Dave.
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: I see a guitar in the background.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: Do we jam a little bit, man?
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: know if you grew up like kind of in that, in that crew where, like everybody had a band and then the best players of that band created a band and then the best players of that band, those bands, created bands and then finally, like the best players actually got a record deal and and made it out.
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: Um, like that, the crew that made it out were like my friends, but I never I wasn't in the band, I was sort of like the roadie along the way.
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: Um, but uh, yeah, music's a big part of my life.
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: My whole family are musicians.
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: My mom plays piano in the uke.
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: My brother, my brother-in-law, is a phenomenal drummer.
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: He's like a super high net worth, uh, financial advisor and and he like plays in like a dead cover band like every other weekend.
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: And he's got this other cover band he does, called Uncovered, which you should totally check out.
• 12:25
  Speaker 1: It's awesome, uncovered.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Uncovered it's a B-sides band.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: So, like every artist you know, but songs you don't.
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: And yeah, we're always jamming.
• 12:35
  Speaker 1: We actually, once a year I throw a guy's trip together, which Greg has been on, where we rent an Airbnb in the Pocono Mountains.
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: It's on the water, has a hot tub, usually trying to get a sauna in there too and we move all the furniture out of the way.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: We set up a drum kit, bass, electric keys, pa, everything, and then we just jam all weekend, we cook and hang.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: It's the best, absolute, the best, absolute best wow.
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: So I'm self-taught guitar player.
• 13:08
  Speaker 2: I think with a few drinks I'm better than I think.
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, but I can play self-taught.
• 13:13
  Speaker 2: I can play four or five chords, which is like shit.
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: Tons of songs.
• 13:17
  Speaker 2: So, like this weekend, um, we're going to eastern washington to hang out with our family and then my son's girlfriend's family is going to be over there, and last summer I brought my guitar and it's always fun when you play guitar and for the, the people that don't play, they think I'm pretty pretty good, but the people who are really guitar player, like dude, this guy sucks, but I just I'm good enough to play where and I like singing, where you can play.
• 13:44
  Speaker 2: You know, you read like the guitar tab, you can kind of like, like you can play like majority of the songs, and so, um, I that'll be this weekend for us, and so I love, I love doing it.
• 13:54
  Speaker 2: I just don't do it enough, but when I do it I go in like these like hour binge guitar sessions.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: So here are my favorites.
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: You should take man credence.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Bad moon rising is an easy, easy one.
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: It's like I think it's d, a, g or cg or something like that.
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: Um got that.
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: Uh, you got uh, if you want to throw a sleeper in there, four non-blondes um uh, if you remember them yeah, it is a crowd pleaser.
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: You'll have to learn a b minor, but that's it.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Like it's a.
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: It's a fun one well, there's a lot of country too.
• 14:33
  Speaker 2: That um, um, a lot of country is uh, uh, you can play a lot of those songs too, which is obviously super, super fun.
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: Um, yeah, uh, but it's, it's funny, my kid, my daughter, my, my wife is actually a really good singer, but she doesn't play.
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: Um, doesn't play, doesn't sing a lot, but like I always get like honey sing, let the let them roar girl Um okay.
• 14:58
  Speaker 2: Well, let's um.
• 14:59
  Speaker 2: I always like transitioning now to to learn about um.
• 15:03
  Speaker 2: I want to learn about Dave.
• 15:04
  Speaker 2: What.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: What for you like?
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: What was life growing up?
• 15:12
  Speaker 2: Talk about that journey and talk about the impact that mom and dad had on you from a values perspective that is going to be important for Shea, yeah yeah.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: So just my sister and I, you know, pretty like normal.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: You know upper middle class.
• 15:24
  Speaker 1: You know neighborhood.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: My parents were definitely grew up from a blue collar neighborhood.
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: They're the first to get out.
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: You know my dad, you know, was a lawyer.
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: My mom was a legal secretary.
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: That's how they met and you know they always talked about, you know, the importance of doing your thing.
• 15:42
  Speaker 1: They were career entrepreneurs, you know.
• 15:43
  Speaker 1: They started their own law firm and then they jumped into like casinos, you know, at one point.
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: And then they started a global nonprofit that did healthcare relief and built hospitals all throughout Ukraine, which are all unfortunately, destroyed right now.
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: Like you know, they set a bar of like you want to do something, go do something, right.
• 16:03
  Speaker 1: And you know I really I love that.
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: And there's some, like you know.
• 16:07
  Speaker 1: You know the shadow side, the dark side of that too, a lot of what was driven for them.
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: I love them to death high, achieving well-meaning, but also there was a deep for both of them, a deep sense of insecurity or needing value from other people.
• 16:21
  Speaker 1: That drove them.
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: That, like I noticed growing up, my sister and I who she's also an executive coach, like we somehow came to this work together.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: Separate paths, but you know, noticing like you can achieve all this stuff, but, like, if you aren't personally fulfilled, if you aren't personally about, like, have clarity about what matters to you and what joy is, and you know, and how does your joy and value not be contingent upon you know, the external, so those are lessons that I learned, sort of as like the, the converse of what they, what they shared, um, you know, but it was all about, like, you know, challenging yourself, pushing yourself, and you know they were super trusting of us.
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: Uh, if we did well, we had a lot of freedom.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: I had a little bit too much freedom, ended up going to military school with Greg Offner, and you know, but that also then gave me some core grounding.
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: It was the trust that I can figure it out, you know, and you know, put me in an environment.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: I'll learn it, I'll understand it.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: And Valley Forge, um, and Valley Forge like obviously instilled a ton.
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: So I was 14 when I went there.
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: Uh, you know, and it's all about, you know, honor, integrity, uh, you know, being really honest with yourself and not just with others, but about you know, what you're capable of and what you need to do and the discipline associated with that.
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: You know I wasn't the best student but you know I figured it out.
• 17:52
  Speaker 1: I went from like D's to valedictorian when I figured out like I had ADHD and like how do you manage that?
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: Not just with medication but other things, and I think a lot of that, as it relates to Shea, is just you know, you know, know thyself, be, really invest in yourself.
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Like I think there's a lot of, wherever you fall on the spectrum, related to gentle parenting or whatnot, but there is something about you know, especially with girls and I'm really present to this like how much the outside world influences their sense of self and um, and value and whatnot.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: So, just like it took me, it's been hard like to kind of rewire my brain to be like you know how my parents would say like you look handsome or you look pretty.
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: To my sister to be like, oh, you look pretty.
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like what am I reinforcing with that?
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: Am I trying to do that or not?
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: Um, she'll be like daddy, do I look pretty in this dress?
• 18:42
  Speaker 1: And I'm like well, how does it make you feel Right?
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: What do you like about it?
• 18:46
  Speaker 1: Like just learning to like augment a little bit.
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: So, again, a lot of good stuff and a lot of you know how do we do better as parents?
• 18:56
  Speaker 2: So when you, as you reflect back on when mom and dad said, hey, oh, davey, we're going to, we're going, we're going to military school, brother, like, talk me through that journey.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: Yeah, um, so my sister was the most popular girl in school.
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: She's four years older than me.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: She graduated and went into college when I went in as a freshman and I was the little brother of, like, the girl who was the most popular.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: So like I ended up hanging out with all these kids that probably shouldn't have been hanging out with yet.
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: Um, you know, it was fun, it was good attention and whatnot.
• 19:29
  Speaker 1: But like, just like smoking weed and doing dumb shit, like I was never, you know, a malicious person, just very mischievous, just getting into shit.
• 19:38
  Speaker 1: And at one point I this is such a dumb thing as I reflect on it it's so funny.
• 19:46
  Speaker 1: But like I forged my report card because I got a bunch of D's and stuff and turned D's to B's.
• 19:55
  Speaker 1: But I went over a carbon copy with a felt tip marker, like, and told my parents like the printer smudged and my dad was like, calls the school and the and he and he goes to the.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: He calls the school and um, he says like hey, I think my son forged his report card.
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: Tell me his grades and the school tell him uh, that tells him.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Uh, we can't tell you.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: We know who you are.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: He's like how about I tell you what I got?
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: You tell me what you got and then we'll see if it matches up.
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: And uh, at that exact moment I was was actually walking out heading to a wrestling tournament and I got a call into my Spanish class that I had left.
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: And I hear down the hall, as I'm like halfway down the hall, they're like senor, you have a call and I'm like okay, and I come back and I hear my dad say he's like you know what you did.
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: And at that point I had done a lot of stuff and I didn't know what I did the cop to.
• 20:47
  Speaker 1: And you know, we go through it.
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: And it was in this moment, this like the next hour, where they come pick me up.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: My grandparents were flying in from Florida and we're driving and it's just silence and just letting it settle in, like I just lied to my family, like I just lied to my family, like it might've been silly or stupid, but like I really like I made a choice and it like was such a silly thing out of fear, and it was just like this moment.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: And because we were picking up my grandparents, my dad didn't lay into me like he would normally because, like you know, we had people that were going to be there and he wouldn't want to show up and it was just like having that space to just sit in.
• 21:29
  Speaker 1: That discomfort was like okay.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: And you know, we had a friend whose kid went to Valley Forge and they're like what do you think about this?
• 21:36
  Speaker 1: I'm like I think it's probably a good idea.
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: We should go do it and ended up being like the best thing ever.
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: That's powerful, how um, I don't know if you've.
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: Oh so, I've shared this story before.
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: Like when I lied to my mom when I was 11 and uh, when I was first time I got into uh, overhand baseball pitch and uh, I lied to my mom and my dad and the the pitch, I was like I got put on this team because I thought I was gonna be a good player for him.
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: And I get there and like, and the pitchers throwing like a thousand miles an hour and it was going every which direction.
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: I'm like I'm gonna die.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: There's a good chance I'm dying right now, yeah, which is not true.
• 22:17
  Speaker 2: But I remember like, uh, I the first about I got there.
• 22:21
  Speaker 2: Somehow I got a walk.
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: I didn't get hit.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: I was like thank god I got to first base.
• 22:25
  Speaker 2: I'm like there's not a chance in shit, I'm going back out there.
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: So I was like, uh, stomach ache, oh yeah.
• 22:29
  Speaker 2: No my stomach's, I can't, I can't, which is a total cop out way to do it.
• 22:33
  Speaker 2: And I remember I get in the car afterwards and my mom was like hey, how's your stomach feeling, mom?
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: Huh, oh, oh, yeah, it's, it's feeling better.
• 22:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks, mom.
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: And they get home and they knew I was full of shit and they go hey, be honest, did your stomach hurt?
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: He's like well, no, I just didn't want to face that guy Cause I was scared of him.
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: He's like okay, so here's what's going to happen You're going to call your coach right now and tell him what you did, or or we're going to call him, which is not going to happen, so you're going to call him.
• 23:05
  Speaker 2: So I literally had to call my coach as an 11 year old.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Tell him the truth, own it.
• 23:10
  Speaker 2: He goes man Casey, I'm so disappointed in you, but I'm also proud of you that you made the phone call.
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: Let me know, um, to make this go away.
• 23:17
  Speaker 2: You're going to tell the team what you told me on Tuesday night of practice 11.
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: Now I'm almost 50, dude, I still remember this like as yesterday.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: And I remember telling my team they're like what?
• 23:31
  Speaker 2: And then they all were like hey, you know what, we forgive you and we move on and, like I, made that pain go away.
• 23:38
  Speaker 2: But, like to your point, I think humans change, just like the selling process, and we're selling something.
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: If we don't create pain, people don't change.
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: There's not a there's not a inclination, because it has to be your idea or my idea.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: But if someone telling me what I'm doing wrong or tell me to do something differently but I think it relates to parenting it can't be our idea.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: So I think that the art I'm a big curiosity guy so, like the art of asking great questions and patience and having silence as your friend, I think about those lessons.
• 24:06
  Speaker 2: I think your lesson is a fantastic one, but, like those moments, people I don't think.
• 24:12
  Speaker 2: Which I think I love about this podcast, which I've learned a lot about myself, is when we don't create space to talk about these types of things, we forget about them, we don't reflect and then we don't think well, who else could this story benefit if I was vulnerable enough to share?
• 24:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and usually it draws human connection which I think I know as much as I love ai.
• 24:31
  Speaker 2: You love ai, but I don't think ai can create that moment of connection like work you know, like you connect with, like whether it's you and shay, maybe eventually you tell that story when she maybe lies to you and you're like, flashes you back and maybe say tell me, would it be helpful, honey, if I share a story where daddy lied?
• 24:48
  Speaker 2: And then she might, because I think when we make these mistakes we feel like we're alone.
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: No one else on the planet's done this except for us.
• 24:55
  Speaker 2: We're the worst person ever.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: It's like slowing down to realize that shit for flawed humans is like all of us.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: Intention, integrity.
• 25:07
  Speaker 3: It recruitment.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: We are McCann Partners and I am Megan McCann, the CEO and founder.
• 25:10
  Speaker 3: Mccann Partners is a Chicago-based IT recruitment firm.
• 25:12
  Speaker 3: We support a growing portfolio of innovative organizations, from Chicago-based startups to companies with a global footprint.
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: We are dedicated to creating a more equitable and diverse workforce and are proud that more than 70% of our talent placements since 2020 have been diverse hires.
• 25:35
  Speaker 3: We take pride in our work and invest time to hone our skills.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: Case in point, our work with Casey Casey helped me and my team learn new habits of success and unlock the skills we already have been using the superpowers of humility, vulnerability and curiosity.
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: If you, the listener, are curious about our experience with Casey and his impact on the team and our business, please reach out to me via LinkedIn.
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: Yeah, there's so many things that we need to share it.
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: I think, and like these are all universal experiences that we all go through, like you know that we experienced, but, right, the, the relatedness to somebody else to have gone through something, to not to just feel acknowledged or whatever, like whoever's listening who might've had this deep shame about something they've held in process, like there's, there's a beauty in that.
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: You know it makes me think of you know you're saying about your son and also, again, your own idea and such the notion of self-determination theory where, like, intrinsic motivation is the contingent upon three factors.
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: It's, you know, a level of, uh, authority and autonomy.
• 26:41
  Speaker 1: Right, it was a making the choice, uh, like choosing to lean into something or to do something tough or whatever.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Uh, a sense of competence, like I feel like I'm actually okay at getting better at this or I can get through this or I can try it.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: And then relatedness, knowing that other people have gone that are also involved as a community also in it.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: You know it's like if you're trying to get better as a father or get better as a leader or a team leader or whatever, you know, if you like, look at yourself and be like hold on like why am I not sticking with this plan or this goal or this, whatever?
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: It's like there might not be choice in it, there might not be other people kind of going through it.
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: I haven't gone through enough cycles yet to feel like I've got some progress Right.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: And I love like how, as parents, you can, you can create the conditions for a few of those, you know for a couple of those, but like and help them get the reps and connect them with folks that are going through it.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: But I love that yeah.
• 27:41
  Speaker 2: so from like you and your sis I don't know if you've ever talked to her about this, but as you reflect if I kind of put you on the spot here, dave like go for it what were like the most specific cult to values that like hit home when they think of the gloss family, like these were the non-negotiables and that were so important to you that, like you know the impact of the learning you went through that you're going to make sure that Shay embraces as well.
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's interesting, as I, my sister and I what would we say?
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I think, the importance of family, like a being with each other, knowing you have people that you're always going to rely upon and come back to creating the space for that.
• 28:26
  Speaker 1: So, like, family number one, like maybe that's a cop out in terms of a value, but in terms of like, you know cultivating it, investing in it, you know being there for each other through thick and thin, being able to have the hard conversation with each other, right, like, I think that's a really important piece.
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: And then you know, I think what we both took away and you know, hit on before it, just the notion of you know, I think what we both took away and you know, hit on before it's just the notion of you know, joy is something that originates within you, right, it's not something that is fulfilled or satisfied by anything external.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Those can be mechanisms to help you get there.
• 29:05
  Speaker 1: But you know, the whole notion of like, do have, be, like if I do this, I'll have this, then I'll be happy, right, it's kind of the inverse.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: It's like be, do have, like start from a happy, joyous place, then go do something and then you'll have something that you want or can play with, but your, your joy and your and your sense of self and value and worth and happiness.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: All that.
• 29:26
  Speaker 1: It's not contingent upon what's outside.
• 29:28
  Speaker 2: It's something you generate inside yeah, and I think that's that's a really deep, deep topic.
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: Um, that could take us down a lot of paths, but in the spirit of time I won't because I'm not let my fight my curiosity.
• 29:41
  Speaker 2: But, uh, I think, like what you said earlier about values, um, like letting your values drive your life, even like when you're the coaching work, like letting your values drive your life and even like when you're the coaching work you do, letting the value drive you, like I think those are so important and like I am so crystal clear for me, the values that are most important to me is be the most humble person I can be, be the most curious person I can be and be the most vulnerable person I can be.
• 30:03
  Speaker 2: And I've yet to see a culture when those three things exist.
• 30:07
  Speaker 2: That it's not joyous, it's not harmonious for a better word, it's just it's like it creates a safe space where people can be our authentic self.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: And you know, corny dad joke, I always tell my kids I said the number one reason to be yourself is because everybody else is already taken.
• 30:22
  Speaker 2: You know, it's like you and we're all here on earth, we all have a gift or gifts you know something, it's coming up for me.
• 30:34
  Speaker 1: it's making me just kind of be like flipping about.
• 30:36
  Speaker 1: You know, I, I saw this on a tiktok, like not too long ago.
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: Um, like the most loud, rambunctious, like you know kid is the safest, happiest kid, um, and it makes me be like, you know, when I'm I'm seeing my, my daughter, run around, be crazy or whatever, and I'm like huh, like I want to shut that down, but I, honestly, that's a good reflection of you, you, you feel safe to be vulnerable.
• 31:04
  Speaker 1: You're safe to like you.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: We've created that environment, so love it.
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, you're right, yeah, yeah, when we are acting, we're having fun and think about, think about kids, like how often we can learn from them.
• 31:15
  Speaker 2: Like you rarely see a kid who's not embarrassed to go up to another kid and, oh, can I play?
• 31:20
  Speaker 2: What are you doing?
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: For, as humans, we're, like scared to go to a networking event.
• 31:24
  Speaker 2: We're scared to, like, go introduce ourselves.
• 31:28
  Speaker 2: Or and you know, for those that can't see or have not met me, that I have a belief sign behind me.
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: Not only it's a little ted lasso theme, but it's a lot of the work I do when I, when I coach people, is it's making sure that people realize, hey, do you believe what you do matters, it's believe in yourself.
• 31:43
  Speaker 2: And when you have that, it's like there's so much um that can go for the positive um.
• 31:49
  Speaker 2: It just sometimes we don't slow down to think about it.
• 31:53
  Speaker 2: You know, yeah, when you think about an area of your dad game that maybe is not where you want it to be, um, I know like for me it was patience.
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: I've had to work hard on that.
• 32:02
  Speaker 2: Um, I think this podcast has helped me.
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: Interviewing 300 dads, it's like I've become a way more patient person as, and then usually people are competitive.
• 32:10
  Speaker 2: Um, they're not patient.
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: Um, that's, that's my gap I'm always working on.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Maybe for you, dave, tell me what's your, your dad game.
• 32:18
  Speaker 2: That maybe isn't where you want to be.
• 32:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, and I don't think it's necessarily the dad game, I think it's just an.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: You know just the nature of, you know living with, with ADHD, and you know impulsivity and post control, things like that.
• 32:33
  Speaker 1: There's like the, the patient's piece that falls into it.
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: But last year, last fall, you know, fortunately we didn't get the, the fall preschool flu like we did the year before or the multiple of them.
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: But my daughter did get Lyme's and it like was totally just set her off.
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: It triggered all her, her, her tendencies that we knew about.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: Like she's a very particular kid, more fastidious than I am.
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: She runs past an overturned corner on a carpet, she'll double back and put it right.
• 33:03
  Speaker 1: Like she's showing some signs of that already.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: You know, which makes us just just noticing you noticing it could be a personality thing, maybe it's OCD, whatever.
• 33:13
  Speaker 1: We're not helicoptering around, we're just aware.
• 33:17
  Speaker 1: But it did exacerbate a lot of that stuff what we had found out, if you're familiar with the research on highly sensitive people and highly sensitive children.
• 33:29
  Speaker 1: So it's a new personality trait, it's sort of been documented.
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: You know people that are a little bit more attuned to what's happening, high empath, you know there's all these jokes about, like moms and or people who have too much inputs and they're like I, just I'm overwhelmed by too much.
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: Right now I need a break, whether it's the vent fan on the stove or the Alexa playing and the kids screaming, the dog barking.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: But you know, through the process we learned that you know, lyme's exacerbated this stuff.
• 33:58
  Speaker 1: She calmed down, but it made us kind of go on this hunt of understanding that she has all the hallmarks of a highly sensitive kid my wife highly sensitive person, kid my wife highly sensitive person and as a person with ADHD, right, it requires so much self-regulation not to add more, right?
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: So if she's having an issue, she's having a meltdown or a breakdown or she's being disruptive.
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: When you add more or you add sternness or whatever, it actually exacerbates the situation versus giving her an opportunity or teaching her how to self-regulate her highly, highly sensitive emotions.
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: Um, and my, it's been something for me where I've had to, like, go through therapy, where I'm like my instincts are are wrong.
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: I mean, I felt that as a dad, like I want to comfort or do something for her.
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: That actually goes counter to what she might need in the moment and that has been kind of the hardest thing to deal with.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know where I'm like, let's read it.
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: What's that?
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: That speaks to me.
• 34:59
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you know it's like redirecting the energy or whatever.
• 35:02
  Speaker 1: It's like no less is more and you know that's been hard and I'm still going through it, right.
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: But I think there's some good books out there and whatnot, and I've had the chance to process and you know, you become a little bit more aware of like okay, what is it?
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: What are the things that I can do?
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: Or what's my like checklist of stuff.
• 35:24
  Speaker 2: Well, when you say that, dave, it made me think about like the heart of the height of covid, when the world shut down and we're like, oh, what's gonna happen?
• 35:31
  Speaker 2: And I, we were those parents were doing way too much for our kids and but as I, but but any person in life, if you reflect back on, your biggest learnings is when you failed, when you struggled, when you went through adversity, and sometimes the hardest least for me is like, and I think golf is such a great lesson for me and my son because golf will humble the shit out of you I put quarterback some days.
• 35:55
  Speaker 2: I didn't mean to throw interceptions, I wasn't trying to enter throw interceptions.
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: My daughter's a basketball player, that's what she loves to do and she's like they're students too, but not that.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: One thing doesn't define it when I think it, well, it's life's easy.
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: But when she's shooting and not going in, it's like, oh, you want to comfort her.
• 36:12
  Speaker 2: But like, sometimes I've learned to celebrate the failures without emotion, without through like disappointment or too exciting.
• 36:20
  Speaker 2: I'm just like man, I just and now I just like celebrate.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: I just love watching you compete, I love watching Try your best.
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: I love because I think it was Joe Montana's dad asked him one day.
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: He said what's more important?
• 36:31
  Speaker 2: Do you want to be your best or do you want to be the best?
• 36:33
  Speaker 2: And sometimes it's funny, I even asked that to a team I was coaching this morning in the work I do, and I it was like probably 10 people on the call and they were younger salespeople and I asked him that and like three of them said I want to be the best, and seven people said I want to be the best and seven people said I want to be the.
• 36:49
  Speaker 2: I want to be my best.
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: And I said, for those of you said my best, you got the answer right.
• 36:52
  Speaker 2: I'm not saying I'm right, but it's one man's opinion.
• 36:54
  Speaker 2: And I said because the best, we can't control it.
• 36:57
  Speaker 2: We don't have control of that, but to two bad days or one or two bad days equal one bad week.
• 37:11
  Speaker 2: And so I've had to learn that sometimes, when my kids do struggle, that's an awesome learning moment, and if I try to fix it and solve it, I'm actually hurting their growth because I don't want them to go through it.
• 37:25
  Speaker 2: And so I have had to really learn that lesson um over time, and you know it's hard but it's, it's but shapes us.
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah it's.
• 37:35
  Speaker 1: I think it's that, that understanding, that patience, that bigger perspective, Um, but you know I come, come up to it all the time.
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: Man Like, just coming from going to military school, my dad was super strict and stern and you know, sometimes I like I bring the hammer and I'm like I don't mean to bring the hammer.
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: It's just instinctive.
• 37:56
  Speaker 1: And then other times I'm like let's talk about your feelings, let's process it, and I'm like she's probably so confused with who's showing up sometimes.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: But I think that's part of the jam.
• 38:09
  Speaker 1: You know part of our own journey as dads.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: You know what's the rhythm and it's not just like you know what type of dad do I need to be.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: You know big B, but like what type of dad do I need to be right now, in this moment, for who this person is today?
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: Sometimes it's helpful to recouch it.
• 38:27
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, one thing that I always I told my kids when they were growing up, I said the one thing kids, there's not a manual.
• 38:35
  Speaker 2: You, unfortunately, are the test dummies.
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: I've never been a dad before and so I'm doing my best, and so I going to make mistakes and you're going to make mistakes, and so.
• 38:43
  Speaker 2: But I think the biggest thing is, the more we communicate, the more we talk about hey, how you know we're feeling, but being silent, going to our room, not talking.
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: I said now we might need a little 10 second break, like take a deep breath and let the air calm in the room, but going through some of these things and talking through it is uh, and if it's consistent, that's.
• 39:03
  Speaker 2: I think the habits stick and you know, I can reflect back to when my kids were shay's age and now that they're much older, it's.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: It's so fun when you create a space where they do feel safe to talk to you.
• 39:14
  Speaker 2: They do feel safe to open up about certain things, because sometimes I mean, no, my mom, dad, no, they did a great job raising me, but I wasn't the things I'm talking to my son about, whereas not what I was talking to my dad about.
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's really cool to create a space where it's like you're a coach, but you're also a friend at times, um where they feel safe to open up and talk because it's like listen, I got your back, but I can't help it.
• 39:42
  Speaker 3: I'm not a mind reader.
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: I was a mind reader, I'd be working at the fair guessing people's weight honey, I don't know what.
• 39:45
  Speaker 2: So I love, I mean, I think what you said is going to speak to many dads at home, cause that's the stuff we're all facing.
• 39:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, am I too hard?
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Am I not too hard?
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: Do I fix?
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Do I not fix?
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, every day, right, exactly so I want to learn.
• 40:03
  Speaker 2: So you talked about.
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: You said something the very beginning that really spoke to me.
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: You, you went out on your own, so you're doing your own thing now, and I went out on my own in 2020, really kind of on accident.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: I didn't mean to do the work I'm doing now, but I mean, as corny as it sounds, it's a true calling.
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: I truly believe that.
• 40:17
  Speaker 2: And, um, like, I've not missed one basketball game.
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: I, I would.
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: I've been in Vegas twice, I've been in Sacramento, I've been in Chicago.
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: Um, I've caddied for my son in multiple golf tournaments and I, yesterday, my son he leaves for college next Friday, but he wanted to play golf.
• 40:37
  Speaker 2: That kind of worked out early in the day Cause a buddy went and I was like I'm making it happen.
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: So I called my clients and say, hey, I apologize, but can we, can we move this to this time?
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: Can we move this to that time?
• 40:48
  Speaker 2: You were gracious enough to move up 30 minutes today so I could be able to leave on time to get to eastern Washington, for my daughter has college visits like that is a blessing.
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: I'm so grateful for that.
• 40:57
  Speaker 2: So maybe talk about you, the this journey for you and the impact this flexibility has on you as a dad.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: So the journey, like I'm a I guess I consider myself an elder millennial you know that in between gap between Gen X and such that we grew up like work hard, you get all the rewards, and that's not necessarily true.
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: So I still have a lot of that carry over of working hard in my in my twenties I worked for a venture capital fund and, you know, really leaned in hard.
• 41:26
  Speaker 1: You know all those guys had one too many buttons unbuttoned on their shirt and had that Bluetooth thing in and chest hair popping.
• 41:33
  Speaker 1: That's who I thought I wanted to be and like you grind hard, you take calls at the dinner table and you know that was sort of like the culture that I threw up that mattered and you know it ended up actually, you know, causing some health issues.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: You know stress really manifests itself really in my body, physically, before it's ever intellectually unconscious of it and whatnot, and you know.
• 41:54
  Speaker 1: So the journey started in my late 20s where you know I started to really take on stress management, mindfulness, those types of things, and it's been a journey around boundary setting because it's got to start with yourself what matters.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: But I would still work for another couple of startups that we took to acquisitions, you got a lot of stress and investor pressure and all that stuff and it takes all of you to build those things.
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: But I had a moment where I was like all right and this is even before I went independent Like I was able to create this balance where, you know, I just sat down and my wife and I, you know what are, what are the things that matter, what do we want to create in our life?
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: And you know where does balance fit in and what does that mean and how does that look for us and our family?
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: Before we even had our daughter, we like anchored to it before, knowing it would take time to work in, and I think it's been beautiful, like the words that I have kind of anchored to is being a present husband and father.
• 42:48
  Speaker 1: That's then evolved to being a present husband and father with my family, because I can be there physically but if I'm not there mentally, it's a different thing.
• 42:57
  Speaker 1: But I always let my teams and my clients know like I'm done at five.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: I will take an emergency from here or there, but I'm like signaling like it is not something that we take on and I was able to shape that for six years in my last company and you know, and organize my life around it and it's given such joy.
• 43:15
  Speaker 1: And now independent, like I've done that even further, like I'm done at five, but I'm not really working too much on Mondays and Fridays.
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: Right, I don't let my calendar link to be scheduled on Mondays and Fridays.
• 43:26
  Speaker 1: You know that means Tuesday through Thursday is tough, but you know that means I've set up the conditions to take my daughter to basketball every week.
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: My wife sees clients between seven and nine and five and seven she a psychologist and you know I wake, shay up, I get her ready for school, I take her to school, you know, I put her, I do dinner and I put her to bed, um, you know.
• 43:49
  Speaker 1: And then during those off days, like we just play, we explore, we go to the creek around our house, we take extended trips, like it's been such a blessing, um, um, you know, but it, it.
• 44:00
  Speaker 1: It took 20 years to figure out how to put that shit into practice or unlearn the, the behaviors.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: So it's like, you know, in it, in it it's boundary setting in every other part of your life and being comfortable with it and not knowing like you're going to lose your job.
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: And if you do lose your job.
• 44:15
  Speaker 1: That's not the fucking place to be Right Like you know it takes a real commitment to it.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: if that's how you want to organize your life around, how, if you had to like think through, like you know, maybe, a specific way?
• 44:28
  Speaker 2: How do you feel like being more present has helped you as a dad?
• 44:36
  Speaker 1: You know, I think it's about taking it in, Like you always see those, like I think I've heard you mentioned another podcast like the 1440 or whatever it is, or the how many weeks you have in your life chart.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: You've seen those.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: You know like in half of that time you're sleeping and the other half you're shitting, and like you know, like it's just like how do you, just being aware of time and you know aware of the passage of time and how that accelerates, and just like conscious of it, knowing that is a true thing, you know, makes me like do little snapshot moments where you know I remember when my daughter's room was a mess and I ran into it and I was just like rawr in my head and then I'm like this won't be like this forever and I took a snapshot in my head and just like this beautiful moment, and I come back to that thought every few months just to re-anchor what it was like to have her as a baby, right, and a couple other of those on the camping trips and whatnot, where it's just like you know it allows you to flip moments.
• 45:40
  Speaker 2: You know, I don't know.
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: It's awesome man, it's this.
• 45:42
  Speaker 2: I think, like every, every conversation I get from a dad, it's free therapy for me.
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: So, apologize, I should invoice, I should.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: You should send me an invoice for therapy to give me.
• 45:53
  Speaker 2: But it's like just having conversations.
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: It further reminds me of what's important.
• 45:58
  Speaker 2: And when I'm mess, when I'm my best version of myself, I'm really, really, really present.
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: And I remember I've shared this story before but I remember when my kids were like three and one, whatever, I was leaving at six in the morning, leaving at six at night and getting home only 15 minutes of bedtime and miserable.
• 46:18
  Speaker 2: Now I was making my company tons of money and life was great for me, but I was not.
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: I was happy at work but not happy at home because I wasn't present.
• 46:27
  Speaker 2: And then, once I learned to leave at four, cause my boss, angela Ronica, she said leave at four, I go.
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: It's not a bank, I can't leave first, like, why can't you?
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: You don't trust us.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: And it was such a good punch in the face of like, no, I do.
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: And so I learned to delegate more.
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: I learned to realize that there's more people to the team that can be successful, and from five to seven.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: That was my exact what you said.
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: That was my time Bedtime, bath time, feeding, present, because no one's that important when I was at my company for 20 years when I left, they didn't go out of business.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: Yeah, they also didn't think about you after you left A hundred percent.
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: When you dial yeah, a thousand percent, dude, you're dead on, and when you dial 911, my phone doesn't ring, so I'm not as important as I think or ever thought, and so it's like, again it goes back to the humility which you know.
• 47:13
  Speaker 2: Again, these conversations give me that, that piece.
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: But if you were before we go into some fun lightning round, if you were to like summarize kind of things that we've talked about in the 45 minutes which I can't believe how fast this has gone that maybe through reflection or through how you and you and you guys, you and your wife will, you know, create values for Shay, or how other dads at home can learn from what we've talked about, maybe in like two or three actionable things that dads can take from our conversation to be maybe the ultimate leader of their home.
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: Tell me what comes to mind yeah, I think you know maybe not from our conversation, but I think the actionable piece, which maybe it does filter in, it's like what is joy for you, right?
• 47:55
  Speaker 1: It's sort of like put your your mask on first type of thing and and how does that then inform?
• 48:00
  Speaker 1: How do you then create your life around you that informs that?
• 48:02
  Speaker 1: So, like that, like that makes it a little bit easier and like, again, that changes all the time.
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: So, like a practice my wife and I do is, every year, like we, around new year's, we sit down and anchor like what do we learn, what we want to do differently this next year, and just keep reflecting and refining it all the time and and being like all right, less of this, more of this.
• 48:24
  Speaker 1: I think tim ferris has got like the 80 20 he talks about, where you really do a hard inventory of like what gave you energy, what drained it, what made you more money or more whatever, and what like didn't, and you just focus on the things that did and, um, I think that's been really helpful as, like a father, you know, getting clear on like okay, this year is about adventure and like we have planned it out Right.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: And you know the whole notion of like what gets planned happens.
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: So it's like, if you're hoping for it to happen, like don't like block a weekend book, that Airbnb or whatever, like you have to to make it happen.
• 49:00
  Speaker 1: And then I think the other pieces again, what it takes to sort of maintain the presence I'm a big practitioner of breath work and mindfulness and like how do you invest in those things for yourself, you know, and and how that, like as a family, do you talk about learning to self-regulate, learning to, you know, be clear about what matters, learning how to communicate clearly and directly?
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: Like, um, yeah, not a good summary, but hopefully, no, that was fantastic actually I I can't wait to new year's to do that with my family.
• 49:32
  Speaker 2: That's a great exercise.
• 49:33
  Speaker 2: Um, I'm sure people are going to want to learn about you.
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: Um, how you showed up, how I mean you have a calming voice, your presence is.
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: You make people.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: I could see why people want to be around you.
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: Like if people want to learn more about you and the work you do, tell me what's the best way people can find you.
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: Yeah, go to LinkedIn.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: Just find me on LinkedIn.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: You know, dave Gloss, wilson Hall.
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: You know it's the easiest way to look at it.
• 49:57
  Speaker 1: Based out of Philadelphia, I mean, go to wilsonhallcom.
• 50:00
  Speaker 1: I'm not too big on social.
• 50:01
  Speaker 1: I played around with Tik TOK, I got a couple of things on there, but don't follow, I don't make a lot, um, but you know, connecting with me on LinkedIn, most of my work right now is around teams.
• 50:10
  Speaker 1: How do you create a sense of meeting, meaning and build in a practice of teaming that constantly reinforce our effectiveness, our purpose, our, you know, our.
• 50:19
  Speaker 1: I call it what I do corporate social work.
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: It's like leadership.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: Teams need to understand how to build trust and connect and shape vision and bring people along.
• 50:27
  Speaker 1: That's all that I do.
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: I take people out on on mountain treks or or your own boardroom and I do a lot of one-to-one work with, with CEOs and such.
• 50:37
  Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of succession stuff, so I'm actually doing a research project.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: Right now.
• 50:41
  Speaker 1: I'm at what we call life after leadership, so I'm helping do a lot with the next leaders that are taking over the CFO or the CEO seat, but then those leaders who are retiring.
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: There's not a lot out there.
• 50:52
  Speaker 1: So, if you're between 55 and 75 and you're interested in sharing your story, I'm doing a research project now that I'd love to to hear from you and learn what your journey is like, what you're scared of, what you're excited about and what resources you're turning to.
• 51:05
  Speaker 2: Oh, I love that.
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: Please, if you're I know that's going to speak to a lot of dads on that one.
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: That's research that is going to impact a lot of people and I so grateful you shared that, so we'll make sure that your website's linked in the show notes so people can connect with you.
• 51:20
  Speaker 2: Dave, it's now time to go into what's called the lightning round, which I go random on you.
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 51:27
  Speaker 1: I prepared based off of like a few other ones, so hopefully I got answers that'll fit if you're going to go rogue on me.
• 51:33
  Speaker 2: Well, your challenge is to answer these questions as quickly as you can.
• 51:36
  Speaker 2: My challenge is to make it get a giggle out of you, and I'm going to show the hits.
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: The effects have taken too many hits in college not bong hits, but football hits.
• 51:42
  Speaker 2: All right, let's do it okay.
• 51:44
  Speaker 2: True or false, the kraken will beat the flyers in seven to win the first family cup absolutely not false.
• 51:53
  Speaker 2: Uh, take that back this year, maybe okay what, tell me what is the one song you can play that would surprise uh people that don't know you uh metallica's um uh fade to black okay, if I came to your house for dinner tonight, what would we have?
• 52:13
  Speaker 1: uh, most likely a blue apron there you go easy.
• 52:17
  Speaker 1: Favorite comedy movie of all time is Favorite comedy movie of all time is Spaceballs as an easy go-to.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Call him the desert.
• 52:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, tell me the last book you read.
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: The last book I read was the Creative Act by Rickick rubin, the music producer.
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: He's got like a whole like mindfulness book around um understanding creativity and what it means, the discipline behind it, and creativity not just like arts but like business and whatever like.
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: How do you cultivate it?
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: love it.
• 52:53
  Speaker 2: Um, if there was to be a book written about your life, tell me the title uh, the subtle art of being a vegging wizard, that is fantastic.
• 53:03
  Speaker 2: I like that's got a ring to it now.
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: Yeah, believe it or not, this book.
• 53:07
  Speaker 2: Amazon can't print enough copies because the order is just flying in burns.
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: Noble, lost all copies.
• 53:11
  Speaker 2: Every airport sold out because everyone wants to read this book.
• 53:14
  Speaker 2: You are now, um, netflix has reached out to you.
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: They're going to make a movie about this book.
• 53:19
  Speaker 2: You're the casting director.
• 53:20
  Speaker 2: Um, I need to know who're going to make a movie about this book.
• 53:23
  Speaker 2: You're the casting director.
• 53:24
  Speaker 2: I need to know who's going to.
• 53:25
  Speaker 2: Which Hollywood actor is going to star you in this critically acclaimed, hit new movie Zach?
• 53:31
  Speaker 3: Galifianakis Fantastic choice.
• 53:33
  Speaker 2: Fantastic choice.
• 53:34
  Speaker 2: Okay, and then the last question.
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: I always love asking dads tell me two words that would describe your wife Irrefutable and cherished.
• 53:42
  Speaker 2: Those words had never been used.
• 53:43
  Speaker 2: And that's a fucking mic drop, baby, I love those.
• 53:46
  Speaker 2: Well done.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: Uh, lightning round's over.
• 53:48
  Speaker 2: We both giggle a little bit.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: Uh, I think I giggled more.
• 53:51
  Speaker 2: Um, so you're gonna give you the dub, but, um, greg offner.
• 53:55
  Speaker 2: Thank you for connecting me and dave.
• 53:56
  Speaker 2: This is not gonna be the last time we speak, man, I I am intrigued by your work.
• 53:59
  Speaker 2: I will learn more about it and, um, I think there's a lot of people I'd love to connect you with and I think I love connecting others because it fills my tank.
• 54:09
  Speaker 2: I don't keep score, but it's the power of what I call boomerang mindset the more we serve others, the boomerang will keep coming back to you.
• 54:17
  Speaker 2: It's been an honor speaking with you.
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: I've learned a ton.
• 54:25
  Speaker 2: I got a page full of notes.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: I hope everybody at home does too.
• 54:26
  Speaker 2: Please reach out to Dave if you've been intrigued by what he's talked about and shared, and I think a lot of the work he does with leaders is going to be impactful, because the leaders and the companies that spend time working on culture and slow down to realize the importance of this helps people be their authentic self.
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: It's a sense of people can can let their true gifts shine and their values will come to life too.
• 54:44
  Speaker 2: So, man, I'm grateful for you, I appreciate your time and um hope to have a chance to meet you in the in the future.
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: Man, thank you again.
• 54:50
  Speaker 2: Likewise, brother.