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22. Community Habits Every Christian Leader Needs · Believe & Become | Ministry, Biblical Encouragement, God's Will, How to Change, Holy Spirit

• 0:00
  Speaker A: Have you found it difficult to fill the need for community as a Christian in leadership? Does it feel like no matter what you do, finding something that feels like family is elusive? We get it and today we're going to discuss the small but powerful changes you can make to create habits and systems for connection and community. This is going to be a good one. Let's Jump in.
• 0:23
  Speaker A: If you're tired of leading others while secretly battling doubt, discouragement.
• 0:27
  Speaker B: And mental warfare, and you want practical tools to renew your mind and walk boldly in your calling as a leader.
• 0:33
  Speaker A: You'Re in the right place. Welcome to Believe and Become.
• 0:36
  Speaker B: We're Josh and Karina, your spirit filled coaches here to help you overcome those limiting beliefs and lead others confidently.
• 0:43
  Speaker A: If you're ready to hear God's voice more clearly, to step into your purpose and find joy and strength in the.
• 0:49
  Speaker B: Everyday, silence those Bible app reminders judging you from your lock screen and let's jump in.
• 1:01
  Speaker B: Hey friend, before we get started, we've got a quick invite for you. If you're a spirit filled Christian in leadership who's been caring a lot lately, maybe you're tired, overthinking or just wondering how to find your next breakthrough, we would love to help. Sign up for a free 25 minute transformation session where we'll help you get clarity and create a practical plan to move forward in peace. You'll also learn about our one on one coaching program designed to help you renew your mind and lead from presence instead of pressure. Just head to joshandkarina.com coaching that's J-O S H-A N D C O R-I-N A.com coaching to book your session. Now let's dive in. Well, welcome back to the Believe and Become podcast. We are so glad that you are here with us and we're excited about this topic. Christian community is so vital to our life as believers, really to our connection with God. It is important that we are connected with others to keep us accountable, to keep us moving forward. And so we're really excited to discuss this topic today that is so near and dear to our hearts. So this week we're going to talk about why do we need community? Why is that even important? And then we're going to give you a few ideas as to how to incorporate some habits and systems into your life to show you how you can get involved and take initiative to build the community that you are looking for.
• 2:24
  Speaker A: So why do we need community? Why do we need connection? It's this is something that we have felt personally as we've gone through different stages in life, just the need for community. Sometimes you feel really well connected with your church, with your friends, and then sometimes it feels like you're all alone, and that's really tough. And as we've talked to different members of our audience, we have found a pattern that a lot of you are struggling to find connection and community. And that's just a deep need that we all have. And, you know, if you look at the statistics, people feel more and more alone, even though we're more connected than ever before, online, with social media, and we have all these ways to connect, and we can connect with a lot of people really easily, but for some reason, we all feel more alone than ever before.
• 3:13
  Speaker B: And I think it's really important that we recognize that there's something really valuable about connections that feel like family, something that's really necessary to us as humans for deep and meaningful relationships. And sometimes those relationships aren't possible to be face to face. Maybe you live on the other side of the world from your family members, and sometimes your best friend moves away. You can't necessarily get together for coffee. But there. There's something about that deep and meaningful connection that I think everyone is looking for.
• 3:46
  Speaker A: Yeah, we all need that. And really, this is how God has designed us. We're created in God's image. He's a triune being, three in one. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So God in and of himself is community. He put that inside of us. This need to be known, to be seen and to see and know other people and be able to pour into each other, to be able to support each other in whatever we're going through. In the good times and bad. When you have a struggle, you need somebody you can lean on. When things are going well, you need someone that you can celebrate with. And it's just really powerful when we get to do life together with other people. And that gets more and more difficult as you move into adulthood. You start having kids. Everybody's schedules are so crazy. It can be really hard to connect with people on a deep level that we really need. We need that. It's great to have that in our family. We need that in our families. But we also need friends, other people that can come around us, form a community around us, and support us when things get tough.
• 4:47
  Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. And I love that you pointed out that that's how God created us, because he is community. And we even see in Genesis, chapter two, God says it's not good for man to be alone. And I think Some of us have personalities that might tend to hide a little bit more. And we think, I just wanna be alone. And I feel like my personality has always been a little bit more extroverted. I always wanna be around people. But once I started having kids and I started having a lot of responsibilities, it was like, I just wanna be alone. I just want some quiet space. But it's so important that we are connected to other people in our same season. That is helpful. But I think there's huge value in mentoring those who are younger and reaching up to those who have gone before you, who have already been where you are and who can help you. There's something so beautiful about community, multi generational community, where we can all speak into each other's lives. And then we know that the Bible says, don't forsake the gathering of the brethren. Right. We know that the Bible clearly instructs us to gather together. We are to assemble with other believers because it is important that we encourage one another and build each other up.
• 5:53
  Speaker A: Yeah. And one thing that really has struck me is that sometimes your breakthrough can only be found in community through someone else. God loves to hide little surprises for us, like in the way that a parent loves to hide surprises for their child. God is the same way with us. And sometimes he will place something in your friend, in somebody that you're going to meet at church that you need. So sometimes when we feel like we're struggling for the breakthrough, it's like, I can't. I just feel stuck. Sometimes the answer is in another person. And God is faithful. He loves to lead us and speak to us. But sometimes he's like, you're too isolated. I need you to get out there. I need you to be part of a community, and you're gonna find strength in other people. That's happened in our lives many times where somebody brings an encouraging word at the right moment, exactly what you needed to hear, and that has led to breakthrough. It's led to freedom. It's been the connection that we needed to get started, to get unstuck, you know?
• 6:52
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's beautiful. So we wanted to talk about some of the weekly habits and systems that you can create in your life to help you get connected. It's important to recognize that if you don't put yourself out there, you're not going to find the friends and the family and the community that you need. And so being around people is the first step. And so what can you do on a regular basis to ensure that you are going to begin to Find those people who will be your people. Well, you can set up systems in your life, things that you will bump into where you have to interact with other people. And so for us, that looks like we go to church on Sundays. This season that we're in is interesting in that we are typically at a different church every week because we've been leading worship, volunteering and helping at a couple different churches. And so from week to week, we might not be at the same church, but we are consistently in church and we're consistently with other believers. And so that gives us the opportunity to connect with people, even if it's just once a month. We are becoming a familiar face. We are getting to know people in the different congregations that we're part of. And so every Sunday we find ourselves in church. And that gives us an opportunity to introduce ourself, to get to know other people, to say, hey, how are you to pray for somebody to receive prayer? One of the churches that we went to the very first week, Josh, got this beautiful prophetic word from a couple that we had never met before. And they just came and encouraged him and it was so powerful. And so recognizing that putting yourself in the place where you will be with other believers regularly is so, so valuable for your walk with the Lord and for your own personal development, you have.
• 8:33
  Speaker A: To engage in those communities. It's easy to go to church, especially if you go to a larger church. You can go be anonymous, leave as soon as the service is over and not really interact with anybody. Maybe you, like, shake hands during when that awkward part of the service where they make you say hi to somebody, but you really have to be intentional. And some of that is just kind of getting over yourself, which we're going to talk about in at the end.
• 8:57
  Speaker B: Yeah. So besides just that Sunday morning you want to look at, where else can I get involved? Are you going to the midweek service? Is there a midweek service at your church? Is there a Bible study that you can jump into? If you're not at a big church, maybe you're in a smaller church. That might be something that you have to start or maybe something that you find somebody is doing a Bible study at their house, but you want to set up systems. And so what that means is every week on, you know, X day, Wednesday, Tuesday, whatever, I'm going to engage with other believers. And this is how I'm gonna do it. And so if you sign up for it, you have to show up for it. Right. And so we wanna look for midweek service. We wanna look for Bible study, small group. Josh and I have a tendency to hide. And so we might be at church, and they're like, oh, we're gonna have a hangout for the new people, or we're gonna have a potluck after church. And we're like, yeah, no, we're gonna go out to eat with our kids. We're gonna go home. And so we've had to overcome that tendency to just go like, no, I don't wanna do that. I don't wanna make small talk. I don't wanna. But we have to get past those things. You have to do those things, the awkward things, in order to get to the comfortable things. And so if you want to engage with people in a way that feels like family, you have to start with the awkward, like, hey, how are you? What do you do? Who are you? What? You know, all of that small talk and those kind of conversations. So engage with on a regular basis. Every weekend, every Sunday morning, get yourself to church and then find something during the week that you can sign up for that you can come to, and that you can begin to build relationships.
• 10:31
  Speaker A: And we get it. I mean, it's tempting. Everybody wants to kind of be at home in their pajamas watching Netflix on Sunday especially, or, you know, whatever.
• 10:38
  Speaker B: You have a lot to do for the week, right?
• 10:40
  Speaker A: Yeah, you have stuff. You have commitments at home. You got to get the kids ready for next week. And so we understand. But it is worth it to put yourself out there. Sometimes you need some declarations before you're going to church to say that, you know, people actually really like me. I have a lot to offer other people, and I see Jesus in every person that I meet.
• 11:00
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's true.
• 11:01
  Speaker A: When you start looking for Jesus and the people at your church, it changes the way that you view them because you see the love of God in them. God's presence is in each and every one of these people, and it. It really changes your value for them and the way that you approach them. And if you approach people with, they're gonna like me no matter what I say, it changed. They see that in you. They sense that in you, and it just makes it a little bit easier to relate to people maybe that you've never met before.
• 11:29
  Speaker B: One of my favorite declarations is, if they're supposed to like me, they're gonna like me. They can't help but like me because they're supposed to like me.
• 11:35
  Speaker A: Right?
• 11:35
  Speaker B: I think that's so important to recognize. Like, it's okay if they don't like Me, because if they don't, they weren't supposed to. But the people who are supposed to like me are going to like me. Those people who are going to be the family that you've been looking for, they're going to like you.
• 11:48
  Speaker A: Yeah. So. And one of the things that has helped us a lot is always to just get involved. Find a spot where you can serve, volunteer. Because then you're doing something and then you have this common.
• 12:00
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 12:00
  Speaker A: Ground with somebody else. If you're both passionate about, you know, serving your community, serving the homeless.
• 12:07
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 12:08
  Speaker A: Serving on the Usher team or welcoming people, whatever it is, and you kind of have this built in. We already have a connection there. It just makes it a little bit easier. And that's, that's helped us a lot. And if there's not something that you want to join, start it. Most pastors are pretty happy when people say, hey, I would like to lead this thing. I see a need, I'd like to start it. And then start joining people that are passionate about that cause with you.
• 12:35
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 12:36
  Speaker A: And then you automatically have something to talk about, a reason to get together. And that makes it so much easier to build those deeper connections that you're looking for.
• 12:45
  Speaker B: Yeah. And I would add, if you are in leadership already in your church, maybe you're already leading a group or maybe you're a pastor on staff and you feel like, you know, I, I can't connect with anybody. The non pastor people in my church think I'm too holy. The pastors in my church are too busy and I'm, I'm struggling in this area. Start something that you like to do that's maybe not ministry related, like, hey, I'm going to start a book club or hiking group. I'm going to do something that isn't church related, that I can do with other people. I'm going to go clean up the neighborhood park because I really care about my community. And find something that you can do. If you have to lead it, then lead it. But find something that you can do with other people that's maybe not church related so that you can begin to get to know them on a different level and they can get to know you. They can get to see how much you love reading murder mysteries or how much you love your neighborhood and how important people are to you, or how much you love hiking or riding mountain bikes or whatever it might be. They'll begin to see a different side of you and then they can begin to look at you as just another person, not somebody that I Have to be holy around. And I think that might be a little bit helpful for you if you're in leadership and already or you feel like I don't maybe have time to lead a whole nother ministry, but I could really use an opportunity to do something that I love or a hobby.
• 14:06
  Speaker A: Go play pickleball or whatever.
• 14:08
  Speaker B: Totally. So something that you could just do for fun.
• 14:11
  Speaker A: Yeah, that's great. Especially if it's something that you would already kind of be doing.
• 14:14
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 14:15
  Speaker A: You know, just invite some more people from your church. Hey, I'm going to go play pickleball. You want to tag along? I'm a beginner. You want to start with me? Let's learn. You know, but you have to be intentional, and you have to take some initiative, because those types of relationships don't happen automatically. It's not like when we were. You were in grade school and you were hanging out on the playground and you saw somebody else that liked to build piles of dirt, you know, or.
• 14:40
  Speaker B: Whatever, or like, wore pink shoes just like you.
• 14:42
  Speaker A: Exactly. You know, you're like, okay, you look like you could be a friend. Let's hang out. And then you have time every day at recess.
• 14:48
  Speaker B: Right.
• 14:49
  Speaker A: Anyways, you're just going to see them every day, and it just happens.
• 14:53
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 14:53
  Speaker A: It does not happen. When you're an adult and we kind of. It makes you sad. You're like, I wish it was easy right when I was a little kid.
• 15:00
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:01
  Speaker A: But you can do it.
• 15:03
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:03
  Speaker A: You just have to be intentional. And so keep showing up to the different things and just be. Become a familiar face. There was a study done that I read about where they. They had a psychology class, and they just had different women show up in the class, different amounts of time. Somebody showed up to zero classes. 5, 10, 15. And then at the end, none of the students knew these women. They never met them, but they rated them on likability. And the lady that had shown up the most was liked the most. Even though they never interacted anything, they were just a familiar face. And they're like, oh, I like that person.
• 15:38
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 15:39
  Speaker A: Just because you kind of recognize them. So just being there and showing up, people will start to like you more.
• 15:46
  Speaker B: That's so cool. I love how God makes our brains like that. Like, you're around that person a bunch. You should be friends. That's so cool. And we already talked about, don't be afraid to start something. So as someone who needs community, it's important that you take initiative. So if nothing is available for you to join, be the one who starts it. Invite other people. Let them know, hey, I would love to see you at this event that I'm doing. I'm so looking forward to seeing you there. Encourage them. Say, I really love this about you. I can't wait to hear what you have to say. People want to know how much you like them and how much you are looking forward to engaging with them. That is going to be a really big reason why they will come. If they feel excited about what you're doing, even if it's. Even if they're not a huge fan of the subject matter, they just really feel loved and appreciated by you. They'll show up. So don't be afraid to start the thing and invite the people that you want to be there and just really encourage them. Tell them what you see in them. Tell them, let's just like Josh was talking about, gosh, I see Jesus in you. When you, you know, talk to these people or when you, you preach or when you pray or whenever you sit behind me and you have such a beautiful voice and you sing, encourage them and, and point out the Jesus in them. Because really, people are going to want to be around you if you're an encourager.
• 17:02
  Speaker A: That's true. And it kind of gives you a mission.
• 17:04
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 17:05
  Speaker A: Why you're there, a reason to be there. I know for me, when I was in ministry school, at some point I realized I'm called to be a father here. And so I would be intentional to go find somebody, encourage them, love on them as a father, speak into their identity. And you can do that with anybody. It doesn't have to be with younger people. It can be with any age person. But, like, this is what I see in you. This is what I feel God is doing in you.
• 17:32
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 17:32
  Speaker A: And just loving on them kind of gives you a reason to go talk to somebody. And then they feel super encouraged. They're like, oh, my gosh, I really like that guy. He's super nice.
• 17:40
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 17:41
  Speaker A: Because we all love it when people come up and say nice things to us and love on us. Who doesn't like that? But they're going to look forward to the next time you're there. Like, oh, that guy always encourages me. I always feel so good after I talk to that person.
• 17:53
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's great. And this can go beyond just what you're showing up to or what you're leading. You can text your friends when you think of them. I know that I tend to be one of those, like, out of sight, out of mind sort of people. So, like, I have friends who I. I don't talk to for years and years. I actually just had a phone call the other day with a friend I haven't talked to in probably 10 years, and it was like, oh, my gosh, I miss you so much. I haven't seen you. I just could cry hearing your voice. And so reach out to those people. If somebody pops into your mind, just send them a quick text and say, hey, I love you. I miss you. I was praying for you. Here's what the Lord is saying about you. Just text them. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It could literally just be like smiley face or, you know, send them a random Instagram meme that, that you found that made you think of them. But people will feel loved because you are thinking of them. Put reminders on your calendar, in your phone to text somebody, call somebody, make a habit of, every Monday I'm going to send an encouraging text message, or every Thursday I'm going to, you know, call my mom or call my best friend and set up dates with people that you can stay connected to so that you can continue to have that community in your life that you need.
• 19:04
  Speaker A: Yeah. When you're thinking about somebody, text them or message them and just say, hey, I was thinking about you. People love that. Or, you know, especially if you're praying God brings somebody, put somebody on your heart, just reach out to them. And it doesn't have to be complicated or long, but that just keeps the connection alive. We have to be intentional to build those connections, relationships with people, so that when something happens in life, you have somebody that you can rely upon. People aren't real happy when the only time they hear from you is when you're in crisis. Right. And so you want to have that basis of relationship that you've already built throughout, throughout the years, and then, you know, you can be a resource for each other when you need help.
• 19:45
  Speaker B: Yeah, we actually had a situation like that early in our marriage when our first son was born. We had been in our music ministry at our church for probably four or five years at that point, and we had been leading worship and directing the choir. And, you know, we were still pretty young. We were in our mid, late 20s at that time, and a lot of the people we led were older, and so we were on the opposite end of where we are now, which is kind of funny, where we felt like, I don't know how to connect these people because we don't have kids and we are not. You know, I never considered myself A grownup. When I was in my 20s, I was always like, I still feel like a little kid. And so we. I struggled sometimes to feel super connected. It took a while, but. But we had our. Our first son, and he had something called paroxysmal benign torticollis, I think, is what it's called. Um, but basically what it means is that he gets off balance, and there's just something kind of like in his little brain or in his equilibrium that wasn't quite right. And we didn't know that. So he was newborn. He's doing super weird things. His eyes are going all sorts of directions. He would hold his breath and kind of, like, nearly pass out. And so we ended up at the Children's Hospital in Oakland and staying overnight. And he has all of these little things attached to his head, doing brain scans. It was just. It was terrifying and crazy time. And through that time, we had people who said, hey, we have points at this hotel. We would love to put you guys up there while you're there with your son. We had text messages and phone calls, and we're praying for you. We had meals. We had literally everything that we needed. And we had so much support from our community that just drew us in even closer because we had been showing up, we had been doing the job that the Lord gave us, and we had been connecting as best we could. But when we had a time of crisis, we really saw how loved we were and how much people cared. And so I think it's really important that we recognize the value of our community isn't necessarily just in the crisis, but that we get to be that to other people as well. That we get to be the hands and feet of Jesus and. And that we get to do life together, whatever that looks like, if that looks like a meal in a hard time or some, you know, airline points when needed or whatever it might be. But we felt that love and just the care of the Lord through our community in that pretty difficult time for us. Our son is fine, by the way. He grew out of it pretty quickly. By the time he is about two years old. He has not had another dizzy or vomiting spell since.
• 22:21
  Speaker A: So sometimes we need to work on our beliefs.
• 22:23
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 22:24
  Speaker A: When we're trying to get into community, sometimes we don't know what we have to offer. Or we think, oh, people probably aren't going to like me. I'm afraid of being rejected. That is a huge one.
• 22:36
  Speaker B: Yeah.
• 22:37
  Speaker A: And one that I've dealt with, too, is kind of you pre reject people because you say oh, if they get. Got to know the real me, they wouldn't like. And that is not healthy. And it's not true. It's just a lie that the enemies tricked us into believing. So we need to get better beliefs, higher beliefs about ourselves. Yeah, yeah. Just assume that people will like you.
• 22:59
  Speaker B: So I always had this belief that if people just got to know me, they would like me. I literally, like, I felt like, well, if somebody doesn't like me, it's because they don't really know who I am. And that's probably not how everybody in the world functions. Right. Like you said, you maybe struggled a little bit with, like, if they got to know the real me, they wouldn't like me. So I have to put on this maybe facade. But we all come with these different things, right, where we. We have a filter through which we see the way that people respond to us. We have a filter through which we really see ourselves. You know, we think they didn't. They don't like me because they didn't wave at me. They didn't acknowledge me when they walked past me in the. In the hallway or. And so we start to see ourselves through those same filters. And I think it's important that we ask God, what do you think about me? What do you think about me, God? Because I definitely had those experiences where people did get to know me and then they chose not to like me. And I was like, you know what? Well, that's just a bummer for you. But I was always just a little bit more confident in that area. But those experiences where somebody was like, I don't really like the way you do this, or I don't like the way you talk like that or whatever it might be, they kind of started to chip away at who I thought I was or what I thought I had to bring. And so I had to come back to, okay, God, what do you think about me? Because that's really what matters. I know you like me, Jesus, but why? You know, and so we can ask God what he thinks about us, and then we can walk in that knowledge of, okay, this is who God says I am. God says I am loved. God says I am accepted. God says I am important. And so I can walk into a room with that confidence instead of looking for those things in other people. Do they think I'm loving? Do they think I'm beautiful? Do they think I'm worth investing in? You know, we don't have to look to fill those needs with the opinions of others.
• 24:47
  Speaker A: Yeah, really, God's Opinion about us is the only one that really matters. So it's. That's why it's so important that we spend time with him, receiving our identity from him, and then operating out of that. So declarations are a huge part of that. And just getting into the Word, what does God say about me? And allowing him to speak that into you. And then when you go into a room, realize that you are the thermostat, not the thermometer. You get to set the temperature of the room just based on what you carry and what you bring. And so I like to imagine myself and get. Get ready, get pumped up. If you're not as much of an extrovert, sometimes that's helpful to just spend some time with the Lord and go, okay, it's Sunday morning. There's going to be a lot of people there. Get filled up with God's presence. Get filled up with your identity, and then walk in and go, I actually have a lot to offer. These people around me. I'm going to love on them. I'm going to pour into them. I'm going to encourage them. I'm going to be the biggest encourager in this room. And then that. That changes why you show up and how you're going to show up.
• 25:51
  Speaker B: Yeah, that's so good. We would love to invite you to join our new Facebook group. So, speaking of community, we've created a Facebook group to just be a place where we can. Where we can build each other up, where we can encourage one another and build a hopeful community online. We would love to have you join us. You can head to Facebook and sign up right now. It's called Overcoming Limiting Beliefs for Christians in Leadership, and the link is in the show notes. But we really would love to have a place where we can connect with you, where we can know more about you, who you are, what you're struggling with, and what the Lord is doing in you. We would love to meet you and encourage you there. So we hope that you found something in this episode that encouraged you, that maybe made you think twice, like, okay, I need to jump in, or I need to maybe start something new in my community. But we want to remind you that your weekly habits and systems are so important in making sure that you're engaging in community on a regular basis. You can get involved and make commitments so that you will do it. Making commitments is so vital because that says, okay, I'm going to show up volunteering, working together, getting to know people that way, and then just taking that initiative that you can keep showing up and become the familiar face that everybody likes. So we hope you enjoyed this episode. We would love to hear what you found most encouraging. What? You're going to try to build community in your area.
• 27:15
  Speaker A: Yeah. And God is just giving you the courage right now to step out, to make some new connections, to connect with people that you really haven't met before. He's going to build that community. He knows the desires of your heart, and he. He wants to fulfill that. So as you pursue him, you just pray and say, God, I need some more friends. I need the right friends. And then go out and start meeting some people and just getting a little bit out of your comfort zone. God will build the community that you need. He is faithful to do that. Those are one. That's one of those prayers that he loves to answer. So there's just grace on you to do that right now. Thank you so much for spending time with us and we'll talk to you the next episode.
• 27:52
  Speaker B: Bye.
• 27:59
  Speaker B: Hey, friend. We hope you enjoyed today's episode. If so, would you take 30 seconds to share this podcast with someone who may need encouragement or practical tools for fighting their battle?
• 28:09
  Speaker A: Then rate and review this podcast? Help us spread the message of transformation far and wide.
• 28:14
  Speaker B: All right, time to walk back into the noise with peace, purpose, and maybe a tiny bit of guffing.
• 28:19
  Speaker A: We'll meet you back next Thursday for another episode. Bye. It.