Latest / Very Fine Friends / Bonus IMPROV - I Was Wondering If I Could Borrow Your Toaster

Transcript

Bonus IMPROV - I Was Wondering If I Could Borrow Your Toaster · Very Fine Friends

• 0:00
  thinking about those beagles
• 0:13
  that's horrifying that's really how they do it i don't know not now i think it's how they do goats
• 0:22
  but how different is a goat from a beagle that should be a title or something from a
• 0:29
  goat to a beagle.
• 0:31
  A hobbit's tale.
• 0:34
  Yeah. Hey, Joe.
• 0:36
  Oh.
• 0:37
  We're glad you're here because this is
• 0:39
  very fine friends. Yeah.
• 0:41
  We're so glad you're here because
• 0:42
  we were just talking about how we
• 0:45
  maybe would want to do some bonus improv.
• 0:47
  Yeah. And I
• 0:49
  feel like you'd be the perfect kind of person to give
• 0:51
  us a suggestion. We call it
• 0:52
  bony imp.
• 0:54
  I'm one kind of person.
• 0:58
  Bony imp.
• 0:59
  a bony imp.
• 1:01
  Yep.
• 1:02
  It's the kind of person I am.
• 1:03
  Hell yeah,
• 1:04
  brother.
• 1:06
  Your suggestion.
• 1:07
  I'm sorry.
• 1:08
  I was gonna ask what you had written down there,
• 1:09
  but it sounds like you're about to tell us.
• 1:12
  Uh,
• 1:13
  your suggestion is
• 1:14
  depressors.
• 1:18
  Depressors.
• 1:19
  Depressors.
• 1:20
  Like the sticks on your tongue.
• 1:21
  Yeah.
• 1:21
  That's what I was thinking too.
• 1:23
  The last time you saw one of those.
• 1:27
  Yeah.
• 1:27
  I don't know.
• 1:28
  Do they only use them for kids because kids are too dumb to keep their tongue down?
• 1:34
  Forcible tongue depression?
• 1:35
  Yeah.
• 1:37
  I don't know.
• 1:38
  Kids are too dumb to do anything.
• 1:40
  Shut up.
• 1:42
  Maybe.
• 1:43
  Or maybe they just don't care anymore.
• 1:46
  I don't think doctors care anymore.
• 1:48
  Can I tell you, when I went to the doctor and she was like,
• 1:50
  do you do your own testicular exams?
• 1:51
  And I was like, no.
• 1:53
  And she goes, oh, well, you can look it up on YouTube.
• 1:55
  and you're like what are my pants off for then doc why am i here sure i think we talked about i'm
• 2:04
  like you think i'm gonna know there's a problem on something that's oblong already
• 2:09
  it's not like they're perfect circles and be like oh this is weird this circle has a circle
• 2:15
  yeah it's also not like they all look the same it's like river stones
• 2:19
  over time they change shape yeah i don't know if that ever happens to me
• 2:26
  we're not gonna catch it that's why you need somebody else to help you that's why i need
• 2:33
  some rubber bands no do you do your own testicular no i pay somebody to do that yeah no I got a guy for that Oh that great Yeah Yeah
• 2:52
  Although I've heard recently that the, like the mammary, like the breast exam machines or whatever, which are like female testicles.
• 3:00
  That's true.
• 3:02
  Chesticles.
• 3:02
  they uh that they might actually be like contributing to cancer or like if you have
• 3:12
  cancer it actually like makes it spread i don't know seems like it could be true yeah it's a very
• 3:19
  antiquated machine it like squeezes your boob i've never used one i've just heard tell frankly
• 3:25
  i think boobs are very antiquated machine myself but uh that's just me hey
• 3:31
  Ayo!
• 3:32
  Ayo!
• 3:34
  Ay-ay-ay.
• 3:35
  Habita, habita.
• 3:36
  Oof.
• 3:39
  Ayo!
• 3:43
  So everything just is...
• 3:44
  Everything's gonna kill us.
• 3:46
  Sure, yeah.
• 3:47
  Yeah, yeah.
• 3:48
  At least one thing will.
• 3:50
  Yeah.
• 3:52
  Ultimately.
• 3:54
  Can't wait to find out what it is.
• 3:57
  Give me time.
• 3:58
  I'll be revealed.
• 3:58
  Yeah.
• 4:01
  And now, improv.
• 4:09
  Hey, Susan.
• 4:11
  Yes, Tamara?
• 4:12
  Hey, um, sorry to bug you.
• 4:14
  Oh, never.
• 4:15
  Especially around breakfast time, but I figured this was probably the perfect time to be asking for this kind of a favor.
• 4:20
  Okay.
• 4:22
  Sorry.
• 4:23
  Oh, you're eating toast.
• 4:24
  That brings me to my request.
• 4:27
  Oh, okay.
• 4:28
  if you don't mind
• 4:30
  I was wondering if I could borrow your toaster
• 4:34
  mine is on the fritz
• 4:37
  and I
• 4:38
  I just
• 4:41
  I was wondering if I could borrow yours
• 4:42
  I need to do my home breast exam
• 4:44
  I
• 4:47
  am not sure what you just said dear
• 4:50
  but it sounded like
• 4:52
  you're going to put your boobs in my toaster
• 4:54
  yes if you don't mind
• 4:55
  mine's again on the fritz
• 4:57
  It's not popping down.
• 4:59
  It's not going down.
• 5:00
  It's not staying down.
• 5:01
  But you know, I got to find a way to squeeze them together.
• 5:04
  That's how they do the test.
• 5:06
  It might be because it's 410 a.m. on a Monday.
• 5:09
  I'm not quite sure I'm catching your drift.
• 5:11
  You want to toast your boobs?
• 5:14
  Well, I don't want to toast them.
• 5:16
  That's just the side effect of having to...
• 5:18
  I mean, the things we do for health.
• 5:20
  Am I right?
• 5:21
  Oh, God.
• 5:22
  I'm so stupid.
• 5:24
  Honey, no.
• 5:25
  You want an air fryer for that.
• 5:26
  Oh I is that the new thing I been doing Yes Oh my mom taught me toast oh my god you gotta call her that actually not okay that causes breast crumbs oh well we didn have that makes so much sense uh
• 5:42
  and we didn't have air fryers back in the day right so no oh my god you're welcome you are
• 5:48
  thank you yeah you can use this oh thanks i'm just gonna put my boob in the basket you want me to
• 5:54
  help yes please okay thank you this is about seven pounds oh yeah nice thank you oh and six
• 6:01
  and a half yeah let's get them in there oh sorry squeezing both in no problem i'm gonna put it on
• 6:07
  pizza mode oh good thank you i want it to be i want them to be evenly baked yes of course
• 6:12
  with a little extra attention around the edges yep i'm gonna go ahead and start it it does have
• 6:18
  to preheat oh well it's an air fryer he pre-heats pretty quickly yeah so much better though huh
• 6:24
  Oh my God. So much better. I love new technology. Yeah. And no more of those
• 6:28
  toaster lines. I know. God, that was always so unsightly, especially in summertime. Like,
• 6:36
  what's the point of getting the beach bod? A hundred percent. If it's just going to
• 6:39
  have the toast lines. Yeah. We don't want to be tiger women.
• 6:45
  Oh, Oh no. No, no. What does it say?
• 6:48
  i'm you know i'm not a doctor so i'm not allowed to say anything but it's a bit of an abnormal
• 6:56
  reading when all that means is we just have to move on to the next piece of equipment
• 7:01
  okay oh my god i'm so scared oh don't be scared do not be scared are you sure the rice cooker
• 7:07
  doesn't hurt at all okay and it'll give me a more accurate read a more accurate read and we put rice
• 7:13
  in at the same time so when you're done whether the good news is good or bad you have a snack i
• 7:17
  have a little treat. Yeah. Can I say I genuinely love just white rice with butter and salt.
• 7:25
  Oh, it's the best. It's so good. I could eat, I could eat that every meal. Well,
• 7:29
  you are going to eat that. Oh, you're right. Oh God. I hope that if the news is good, then
• 7:34
  it'll be good. It's double good news. Go ahead and pop your pillows on the, on the bed of rice.
• 7:38
  We'll butter it after. Oh, thanks. Nice. Isn't it? Well, it's hard right now,
• 7:41
  but it will be nice.
• 7:43
  Okay.
• 7:43
  Okay, great.
• 7:45
  Oh, I could feel it fluffing around me.
• 7:48
  Yeah, that's the technology.
• 7:50
  Wow.
• 7:51
  Man, modern science.
• 7:52
  I love it.
• 7:54
  Me too.
• 7:55
  And I love that we can just do this at home.
• 7:57
  We can do anything.
• 7:58
  And not have to worry our doctors about it.
• 8:02
  Bing.
• 8:03
  Oh, oh.
• 8:05
  I like how the rice sticks to them.
• 8:07
  I know.
• 8:07
  It's my favorite part.
• 8:08
  That's so cute.
• 8:09
  Thanks.
• 8:10
  It's coming.
• 8:10
  Oh, well, here's a little butter.
• 8:13
  Oh thank you I just gonna eat it off my boobs Yeah go ahead and have a snack I going to go ahead and pull the report Huh This is so strange
• 8:24
  Oh, no.
• 8:26
  Oh, no.
• 8:27
  No, no, don't.
• 8:28
  I don't want you to panic.
• 8:29
  Oh, no.
• 8:30
  Tamara, this is why we have technology.
• 8:33
  I don't know.
• 8:34
  What is.
• 8:34
  Oh, no.
• 8:35
  I'm just going to bring out one more piece of equipment.
• 8:37
  We just need to be sure.
• 8:39
  We need to be sure.
• 8:39
  Oh, no.
• 8:40
  No, don't say, oh, no.
• 8:41
  We need to be sure.
• 8:42
  The look on your face.
• 8:43
  I've never seen this result before.
• 8:45
  I don't mean to scare you, but I've never seen it before.
• 8:48
  Oh, no.
• 8:48
  Okay, hold on one second.
• 8:50
  Oh, no.
• 8:51
  I'll be right back.
• 8:52
  Susan.
• 8:54
  Oh, no.
• 8:56
  All right.
• 8:59
  Susan.
• 9:00
  Go ahead and put your breasts in the mammogram machine.
• 9:04
  No.
• 9:05
  No, no, no, no, no, no.
• 9:07
  Yeah, I'm sorry.
• 9:08
  I'm sorry.
• 9:09
  No, no.
• 9:10
  Can't we just...
• 9:12
  Can we just pull out a Cuisinart or something?
• 9:15
  No, I think this is best.
• 9:17
  A Slap Chop.
• 9:18
  A Slap Chop, maybe.
• 9:20
  There's got to be something else.
• 9:23
  I'm your friend and I just...
• 9:25
  I don't know.
• 9:28
  Just...
• 9:29
  There's one other thing we could try.
• 9:32
  Tortilla press?
• 9:33
  That is exactly what I was going to say.
• 9:34
  Oh.
• 9:36
  I thought that was a really good guess by me.
• 9:39
  It's your choice.
• 9:40
  the mammogram machine or the tortilla press oh the tortilla press i don't want to i don't want
• 9:45
  to deal with that antiquated technology okay okay the tortilla press is what we call the
• 9:53
  mammogram machine i'm sorry oh i'm sorry oh no i'm so sorry susan oh no okay uh you promised this
• 10:02
  is the last resort it's the last resort and i do have a little bit of of good news okay
• 10:08
  remember he got a snack out of the rice cooker yeah it was delicious yeah you're gonna get a
• 10:14
  snack out of the mammogram machine what how
• 10:17
  aren't you
• 10:22
  producing
• 10:25
  what are you saying you're milking me susan let me pause this is this why you have your coffee black
• 10:36
  I thought we were on the same page.
• 10:40
  I'm so embarrassed.
• 10:43
  You didn't want to be milked?
• 10:45
  Susan!
• 10:47
  Tamara!
• 10:49
  Don't interrupt my toast time again.
• 10:53
  You bitch.
• 10:56
  Scene.