Latest / The Road Doc Podcast / Sibling Rivalries & Lifelong Bonds

Transcript

Sibling Rivalries & Lifelong Bonds · The Road Doc Podcast

0:04
Siblings relationships are strange.
0:07
They can be our first friendships or our competition
0:12
and sometimes they can be both at the same time.
0:18
How many of us been there? I can tell everyone this episode
0:29
is not about blaming or glorifying siblings.
0:35
It is all about understanding. You know why sibling dynamics
0:43
shapes our internal world or in general life?
0:52
Recognizing Rivalry VS Bondi learn how to outgrow unhealthy
1:00
patterns without bitterness. Before we deep dive into Welcome
1:07
to the Rondock broadcast. I am Doctor Mukul.
1:11
So today we gonna a little bit discuss about how these things
1:19
affect us and what are these actually like.
1:23
Let's begin. What is sibling rivalry really
1:30
means? It is basically more of an
1:37
attention validation comparison. You know, like parents may deal
1:47
with their children equally, but you know, sometimes
1:53
unconsciously one child might get more attention, the other
1:57
might not. They feel that unequal emotional
2:01
availability and so on and so forth.
2:06
These these things, you know, create something in the child's
2:11
mind and they express through different manners.
2:17
Like sometimes it becomes more of a competition between child
2:23
like siblings. Sometimes it might be simply,
2:30
you know, competition sometimes becomes just a survival in
2:36
between them and a lot of fights and misunderstandings and so on
2:44
and so forth. Like there is a lot of reasons
2:48
why they have the rivalry. Like they might even fight for
2:53
silly things, right? That doesn't even make sense in
2:58
real world. But yeah, that's basically the
3:02
rivalry forms at different phases of child's life.
3:06
And sometimes the reason might be valid, sometimes they are
3:09
not. We will have deep dive into it,
3:15
but I can tell one thing most sibling rivalries isn't actually
3:22
hatred. I think it's more of a unmet
3:29
needs competing silently. I think that's the that's the
3:35
thing that's going behind the scenes.
3:42
So yeah, we'll and like I said, the reasons might always be,
3:52
sometimes it might be reasonable, sometimes it won't
3:56
be and so on and so forth. So I really can't tell, but.
4:07
And so let's move on to the next part, when this rivalry turns
4:16
unhealthy, usually like the first thing.
4:22
Yeah, I think parents can easily identify this, the constant
4:26
comparison. Parents love this, isn't it?
4:31
They love to compare the elder one with the younger 1,
4:35
something like so on and so forth with their
4:38
accomplishments, achievements and so on and so forth.
4:43
Like every family will go through that.
4:46
I guess at least most of them suffer through that thing.
4:52
One child is called the golden child, the other child is called
4:56
irresponsible 1, and so on and so forth.
4:59
And one becomes so visible, the other becomes so invisible,
5:04
right? This does affect, you know,
5:07
adulthood. And we cannot blame anyone here
5:09
because even though you can tell like as a parent we are dealing
5:16
both our children are allowed for children equally and so on
5:21
and so forth. But that doesn't mean child
5:24
reciprocate at the same level even though if you deal on a
5:29
same grounds. So it's kind of a grey area we
5:35
really cannot distinguish no matter how good you gave them
5:41
everything and so on and so forth.
5:44
So this does, you know, affect their adulthood life in lot of
5:49
areas. Like some might become people
5:53
pleasing, some might become overachieved, emotionally
5:57
distant and vice versa as well. I am not trying to blame anyone
6:06
here because even parents can't do much because it's most of a
6:13
psychological thing. More of what you have done.
6:17
They will compare themselves no matter what and that thing we
6:24
really can't comprehend A deeper what they actually going through
6:31
and being through no matter what parents do like give them every
6:37
opportunity, everything equally and at their best.
6:43
Some might one child can utilize it, the other one may not.
6:48
And then the which child is not so successful, you know, they
6:53
just blame everything on their parents or their successful
6:59
child and so on and so forth. Like it is kind of a very
7:07
difficult situation for parents to actually deal with as well.
7:14
Yep, that's why I'm not trying to accuse anyone here.
7:20
We are just trying to just navigate through how we can form
7:27
a healthy bonds at least not cross day we can achieve it
7:33
completely, but at least we can try not try to navigate through
7:41
through those unhealthy patterns and so on and so forth.
7:50
Have you seen this? Some siblings becomes, you know,
7:55
very much like they they form like a lifelong bounds, but
8:00
whereas the other families since the siblings become literal
8:05
enemies. I don't want to have been there
8:11
seen all those things so on and so forth.
8:14
Isn't it whoever the siblings go through Indiana a difficult
8:24
situations and come out with more understanding have like
8:29
more of a lifelong bonding because of their hardships that
8:34
they have been through and everything they shared through
8:38
the journey and this bonds takes time and overtime they have
8:47
developed a healthy relationships right?
8:53
And so on and so forth, isn't it?
8:56
But same way the same situations and some siblings become enemies
9:01
because of hardships and so on and so forth.
9:06
Yeah, that is also a my possibility.
9:10
Same things but different outcomes in there.
9:14
And yeah, some becomes protectors and some becomes
9:18
literal enemies of each other because of those hardships.
9:25
So it is kind of can't actually predict why and so many factors
9:33
might be involved. So yeah, like some grow into
9:41
protectors kind of a situation quite supporters.
9:47
Some people just understand their what they were going
9:52
through and without even saying a word they have that level of
9:55
understanding and so on. But same same situations with
10:04
different siblings, they literally go through the
10:08
opposite of what I just mentioned.
10:10
Like they literally become enemies, they tear each other
10:15
up, they are always constantly comparing themselves and so on
10:21
and so forth. I think that's pretty much, I
10:27
don't know how much parental involvement will affect that,
10:32
but it's more of their sibling bonding, how it forms and why it
10:40
forms and their anchor points in their own life through their own
10:46
experiences and so on and so forth.
10:52
That is completely very, very subjective part and we cannot
10:56
actually determine exactly how they form it.
11:01
We can do determine that based on their life stories and
11:07
difficult situation they have been through and how they
11:10
navigate through the life and that has tell a lot.
11:16
But I have seen both kind of situations where some people
11:22
literally have like very wonderful bonding and some
11:27
siblings have like the worst bonding on the planet.
11:31
No matter what they do they constantly fall into those loop
11:36
I guess. And I can tell one thing though,
11:42
a healthy sibling bonding will always look like coming home
11:50
without any explanation kind of a thing like it feels like a
11:54
home. But the same way the unhealthy
11:58
bonding will be like you will have the constant pressure even
12:02
they are at same room. They both are like envious.
12:07
They both are constantly comparing and they are plotting
12:10
sketches and so on and so forth. I know like irrespective of ages
12:17
in every family this do exist one way or another so definitely
12:24
check it out in your own surroundings.
12:26
You will come to a conclusion what it actually feels like and
12:32
sounds like. And I am pretty much sure most
12:36
of almost all experience this at some point of our own lives.
12:44
So sometimes it's a very good bonding and sometimes it's not.
12:51
Now let's move into accepting reality without resentment.
12:57
Resentment like I think this is very, very powerful thing in
13:05
this episode because there are good parts that exist.
13:12
There are also bad parts that exist now.
13:16
If everything is going great, everyone will have no problem.
13:20
Like all good, superb life is great now.
13:24
The problem comes the moment things goes wrong and literally
13:31
the family becomes a warfield and the same siblings becomes
13:37
opposite warriors fighting for something.
13:41
Right? Yeah, that's why not all
13:47
siblings will be close. That's let's be brutally honest
13:54
here, in our own life experiences and observations,
14:00
not really. Everyone becomes very close.
14:06
Sometimes we have to maintain the distance.
14:09
Not because we failed as a sibling or a child in a family
14:13
or whatsoever you can call it. But sometimes it is more of a
14:20
less explanations and more of a what you call it more of a
14:27
protecting your own emotional needs and protecting your own
14:31
peace. Sometimes these boundaries needs
14:36
to be exist even for a let's just say for the most loving
14:44
choice you have to take it. Because most of the time these
14:50
boundaries will eradicate almost all negative things that might
14:58
happen or trying to stop those negative things to happen in
15:05
their own lives. I am not going to say every
15:08
sibling is perfect or every sibling is not going to be a
15:12
perfect world. But I think sometimes in our own
15:19
lives and we do accept them just because our sibling, but we both
15:26
know they are not that of good consciousness to be around on a
15:37
constant basis. So sometimes we accept them, but
15:41
it does not mean everything they do is gonna be light via
15:47
consultation. So sometimes acceptance is not
15:51
the approval for their own behaviors or the choices and
15:56
other things. So in order to protect your own
15:59
Peace of Mind, boundaries just need to exist in such cases,
16:04
even though you like your siblings and so on and so forth,
16:09
or if you don't like them but you don't want to say it out,
16:13
don't want to break the bond and so on and so forth.
16:16
So whatever the reasons might be, but still we it's better to
16:23
have a boundaries so that at least you can not change them,
16:29
but at least you can maintain certain level of healthy
16:35
relationships, at least on the superficial levels at least like
16:41
a last resort or something. So I think it's better even if
16:49
you don't have a perfect sibling or good relationship with your
16:55
sibling, it's better to maintain boundaries to have peaceful
17:00
lives for each other. I think that's much, much
17:05
better. I feel it personally as well.
17:10
And this is where we have to navigate through once we are
17:19
here with this not so great sibling relationships, you know,
17:25
we have to focus on our own personal growth beyond these
17:31
sibling roles. Like sometimes you have to, you
17:36
know, it can feel different. You know, sometimes you
17:40
literally have to step out of the strong one or the successful
17:45
one or the problematic one or whatever you call, you have to
17:51
basically redefine your entire identity about that.
17:56
I think that's one way of choosing your own emotional
18:02
ecosystem, let's just say, so that you can protect your own
18:05
peace and you can have your own life without disturbing the
18:11
others. I think, I think that at some
18:15
point it's better to have their own lives and move on with their
18:22
own personal lives because like I said, some people will have
18:29
really good bonding, but unfortunately not everyone has
18:32
that privilege to have that great bonding.
18:36
So it's much, much better to let go, let go and have your own
18:43
life. And you don't need to be a bad
18:47
person or you don't need to tell the mall these things.
18:50
You can just have clear boundaries and have your own
18:53
life and let them have their own life.
18:56
Just respect each other on the superficial levels and justice
19:00
move on. I think that's much better and
19:05
easier because the moment you try to fix someone at any point
19:10
of stage then instead of fixing something that will become into
19:18
a war field. Because if you can really change
19:24
any person just like that they won't be a 2 unique people or
19:31
different people. And the rivalry doesn't even
19:35
start in the 1st place. So once it started which means
19:41
they have their own differences in their own ways, it's better
19:45
to respect that and move on rather than fixing or changing
19:48
someone. It's like waste of time I can
19:55
tell. You can try but you will end up
19:58
getting no outcome. Nothing but wasting your time,
20:03
energy and your resources basically.
20:08
So yeah. So I would like to close this in
20:16
a such a way like sibling rivalries main shape us.
20:25
But they don't get to define us forever.
20:30
I think the growth begins the moment the compassion ends, and
20:40
peace begins when we choose understanding over expectation.
20:48
Because in the end, what it matters is whether you had a
20:55
peaceful life or not. So yeah, let's just, I think
21:03
that's better conclusion to have.
21:10
Yeah, I think that's much better.
21:13
So yeah. So that's it from me for this
21:18
episode. Kindly let me know what you guys
21:21
think and if you have been in these situations or if you have
21:28
a good point with your siblings, kindly comment down.
21:32
We know or if you fixed your rivalry in some way, let us know
21:37
the solutions as well. Would I would love to check your
21:41
comments and if you can provide a little bit of insights or
21:47
different perspectives, feel free to comment down.
21:50
Let's just have a healthy conversations in the comment
21:54
section and we'll try our best to navigate how and what are the
22:05
other ways we can sort things out.
22:08
Because so far as much as I am aware, there is not much of a
22:13
solution there because changing a person is not that easy that
22:20
we all know. The change takes a lot of time
22:26
and there is no guarantee that one wants to change.
22:30
But anyways, I would like to hear from you all in the comment
22:33
sections. Feel free to comment down and
22:38
thank you very much for your time and attention.
22:41
This is Kamukun from the Road Talk podcast.
22:47
I'll catch you up in the next one.
22:50
Take care. Bye.