Latest / DA CREW Podcast / let the healing begin Every 1st & 3rd Sunday at 8PM EST _ Live on Da Crew Podcast _Hosted by Apostles Lee Jr. & D

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let the healing begin Every 1st & 3rd Sunday at 8PM EST _ Live on Da Crew Podcast _Hosted by Apostles Lee Jr. & D · DA CREW Podcast

0:03
Speaker 1: Welcome, Welcome it tuned into the Crew podcast Media Network.
0:14
Speaker 2: The voices rise, story, Shine, for the purpose, meets to work.
0:19
Speaker 3: Welcome to the pool us where stops.
0:24
Speaker 4: We are the change, we are changed.
0:27
Speaker 3: Try hearing it, come from home. Welcome to have a
0:33
Speaker 3: pace for you.
0:36
Speaker 5: The crew around the world listening every voice to It's
0:49
Speaker 5: time to open your heart, speak true, standing, faith, and
0:56
Speaker 5: let the shealing begin. Oh Every first and third Sunday,
1:07
Speaker 5: eight pm Eastern Time, Apostbly and Doctor Kimmie.
1:14
Speaker 3: Bring Healing to your Man.
1:18
Speaker 4: Streaming on the Crew Podcast Network, YouTube, Facebook, Kick, and
1:24
Speaker 4: Twitch Fade Truth and real relationships. This is what your
1:30
Speaker 4: spirit's been missing.
1:35
Speaker 3: Let the healing begin, Let the truth be told. Let
1:39
Speaker 3: the rather up ever saw your souls? Where's some from above?
1:46
Speaker 6: Like love?
1:49
Speaker 4: It's out.
1:59
Speaker 1: O.
2:17
Speaker 7: Marriage isn't always perfect, but healing is always possible. Welcome
2:24
Speaker 7: to Let the healing begin. With your hosts Apostles Lee
2:29
Speaker 7: and Kimberly Thomas. This podcast tackles real life issues with
2:33
Speaker 7: raw truth and a powerful his and her perspective. We
2:39
Speaker 7: talk marriage, we talk sex, we talk lost love and
2:43
Speaker 7: relational challenges. Couples don't always say out loud. If you're
2:49
Speaker 7: ready for honest dialogue, faith filled insight, and a practical
2:55
Speaker 7: wisdom that restores connection and strengthens your marriage. You're in
3:01
Speaker 7: the right place. Come journey with us as we let
3:06
Speaker 7: the healing begin.
3:17
Speaker 6: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to let the healing begin.
3:22
Speaker 6: We are your hosts and Kimberly Thomas, and we are
3:26
Speaker 6: so glad to be with you guys tonight.
3:30
Speaker 3: I don't know where you are in the world, but
3:32
Speaker 3: it has.
3:32
Speaker 6: Been raining, and it has really been raining like cats
3:35
Speaker 6: and dogs. So we are just grateful. We're grateful to
3:38
Speaker 6: God for the rain for giving us the rain. We're
3:42
Speaker 6: not complaining at all, but the weather has not been favorable.
3:46
Speaker 6: So you know, we have been inside a lot this weekend,
3:51
Speaker 6: just taking in some quiet time and allowing the healing
3:58
Speaker 6: to begin even in us, or to continue in us.
4:01
Speaker 6: So as we start this night's journey, I want to
4:06
Speaker 6: first of all, welcome you once again to let the
4:09
Speaker 6: healing begin. This is a show where we get down
4:13
Speaker 6: to the nitty gritty. We talk about everything, We talk
4:18
Speaker 6: about things, and we keep it real, we keep it raw,
4:22
Speaker 6: and we keep it transparent. One thing that I want
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Speaker 6: to tell you is that we do not claim to
4:29
Speaker 6: have the monopoly on this thing called marriage. Nor do
4:32
Speaker 6: we claim to have mastered marriage. But one thing that
4:36
Speaker 6: we do have is a marriage. And most of all,
4:39
Speaker 6: we have a mandate, a mandate from the Lord, to
4:43
Speaker 6: come forth and to share our experiences in this journey
4:49
Speaker 6: called life with those of you that are moving through
4:52
Speaker 6: and navigating through sometimes in your marriage. And so we
4:56
Speaker 6: pray that our experience as a marriage ca but we'll
5:00
Speaker 6: provide some insight and some light to some of the
5:03
Speaker 6: things that you may be experienced. So come on in
5:07
Speaker 6: have a little dialogue with us tonight. Tonight we are
5:10
Speaker 6: going to talk about a couple different things that we think.
5:13
Speaker 3: Are very important to marriage.
5:16
Speaker 6: And so the first thing that we want to talk
5:18
Speaker 6: about is the fact that marriage is not perfect.
5:22
Speaker 3: It's not it is not It is not perfect.
5:25
Speaker 6: A lot of times people are on the outside looking
5:28
Speaker 6: in and they say, oh, you know, you look like
5:31
Speaker 6: such a happy couple. Y'all look so great together. Every
5:34
Speaker 6: time we see you, you're always smiling.
5:38
Speaker 3: And that may be true. Every time you see it
5:40
Speaker 3: is we.
5:40
Speaker 6: May always be smiling. But that does not mean that
5:44
Speaker 6: everything is perfect. That does not mean that everything is okay.
5:47
Speaker 6: That does not mean that we didn't just have some
5:50
Speaker 6: heated fellowship before we walked out the door, got in
5:53
Speaker 6: the car. And in the public view, what that means
5:56
Speaker 6: is that we're still We're still striving in this game.
6:00
Speaker 6: We're still moving through this journey called marriage. And so
6:05
Speaker 6: one thing that I want to encourage those of you
6:08
Speaker 6: that are going through you may be experiencing some tough
6:11
Speaker 6: times in your marriage, know that marriage is not perfect.
6:15
Speaker 6: It is not perfect, and it is not perfect because
6:18
Speaker 6: it consists of two imperfect individuals, two imperfect individuals who
6:25
Speaker 6: both have their own identities, They have their own personal issues,
6:32
Speaker 6: they have their own little quirts, their own flaws, and
6:37
Speaker 6: everything of that nature.
6:39
Speaker 3: And one thing that we have to realize is that
6:43
Speaker 3: when we get married, we are two becoming one. We
6:46
Speaker 3: are becoming one.
6:50
Speaker 6: Together exactly, we are becoming one. And so when you
6:55
Speaker 6: become one, you learn how to kind of mesh and
7:00
Speaker 6: and get yourselves in alignment to where you're able to
7:06
Speaker 6: walk through this journey call marriage. The Bible says, how
7:11
Speaker 6: can two walk together except they agree? So you're gonna
7:14
Speaker 6: have to agree in some way, shape or form in
7:18
Speaker 6: order to align yourself.
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Speaker 3: With the will of God for your life and for
7:23
Speaker 3: your marriage.
7:25
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're gonna have to learn that real quick because
7:28
Speaker 1: after the beginning ends excitement, yeah, okay, the excitement if
7:37
Speaker 1: you will, then the real marriage begins, and in that
7:41
Speaker 1: you truly find out who each other are, you know,
7:43
Speaker 1: because the mask has been taken off, the super extra nice,
7:48
Speaker 1: super extra suite. I want to do everything to please you.
7:52
Speaker 1: It ends because after a while you start realizing, you know,
7:54
Speaker 1: I'm tired and I don't feel like doing that, and
7:59
Speaker 1: it's just what it is. You know, it's called marriage.
8:02
Speaker 1: You know, we got to realize that we became one,
8:05
Speaker 1: but we do we have two different identities. And in
8:08
Speaker 1: the midst of that, you know, sometimes you come in
8:11
Speaker 1: you just want to chill, and then sometimes you know,
8:13
Speaker 1: you go to listening to what other people say. You know,
8:17
Speaker 1: honey do this and all that. Okay, honey do honey
8:22
Speaker 1: do this, and honey do that. And the thing of
8:26
Speaker 1: it is, you know, create your own marriage. You know,
8:32
Speaker 1: I don't have no honey do it's just baby would
8:34
Speaker 1: you do this? Or baby would you do that? You know,
8:37
Speaker 1: especially when it's your time to be off to do nothing. Well,
8:40
Speaker 1: since you're not doing nothing that they cause you just
8:42
Speaker 1: run over and do that for me, you know, so
8:45
Speaker 1: sometimes you have to really just say, nah, I feel
8:48
Speaker 1: like doing that, don't just do it and then be
8:51
Speaker 1: mad about doing what you've been asked to do because
8:54
Speaker 1: you know what, you're not perfect, and in that they
8:59
Speaker 1: aren't either, you know, because you might've had plans. You know,
9:02
Speaker 1: today I'm not doing anything and that's just sitting and
9:06
Speaker 1: it's okay. But you know a lot of times you
9:09
Speaker 1: get oh, I got my honey do list, and you
9:11
Speaker 1: got to think that words have power. And when you
9:13
Speaker 1: start saying I got my hounded do list, it's just
9:16
Speaker 1: like an order. You're not in the military. You just
9:19
Speaker 1: you know, I was asked to do this, but I
9:22
Speaker 1: didn't want to do it. Some days are do some
9:24
Speaker 1: days are don't. And that's a vice versa thing. And
9:27
Speaker 1: I see where you know a lot of times, well
9:29
Speaker 1: you know how it go, bro man. You know you
9:32
Speaker 1: got to keep them women happy. And I just smiled
9:34
Speaker 1: at them. I said, yeah, well you run your household
9:36
Speaker 1: like you run it because you know, well you know,
9:38
Speaker 1: happy wife, happy life. I said, see, that's where the
9:41
Speaker 1: problems starts. What you mean you excluded yourself out the
9:46
Speaker 1: situation because here it is happy husband makes a happy wife,
9:51
Speaker 1: which makes a happy life. See we both in there, you.
9:55
Speaker 3: Know, that's good.
9:57
Speaker 6: And you said something about military and marching orders, and
10:04
Speaker 6: that kind of stuck out to me because being from
10:07
Speaker 6: two different backgrounds, being raised differently, there were a lot
10:13
Speaker 6: of things that, you know, you have to take into account.
10:18
Speaker 6: I had to take into account a lot of things
10:20
Speaker 6: on his side as well as him having to take
10:24
Speaker 6: into account a lot of things on my side because
10:28
Speaker 6: coming from that military type background, being raised by a
10:33
Speaker 6: father who was in the military, so it was just
10:36
Speaker 6: kind of like a drill sergeant, you know, and it
10:40
Speaker 6: was like not speaking to me, but speaking at me.
10:45
Speaker 6: And so we had to get an understanding that that's
10:48
Speaker 6: not how we communicate. And that's one of the other
10:51
Speaker 6: things that we want to kind of delve into a
10:54
Speaker 6: little bit tonight, is about sometimes communication.
10:58
Speaker 3: Isn't always easy. It's not always easy because a lot of.
11:02
Speaker 6: Times you'll take the low road to quail down arguments
11:08
Speaker 6: or to keep confusion down, or just to keep the peace.
11:13
Speaker 6: But we have to learn how to communicate with each
11:17
Speaker 6: other because if I always take the low road, you're
11:20
Speaker 6: never gonna know what is really going on with me
11:24
Speaker 6: because I'm then I'm excluding myself because now I'm saying
11:29
Speaker 6: my voice is not valued or is not worthy.
11:33
Speaker 3: Of being heard.
11:34
Speaker 1: True. And the thing of it is, if you don't
11:37
Speaker 1: say anything, then how am I to know?
11:40
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
11:41
Speaker 1: And like you said, you have two different backgrounds and
11:45
Speaker 1: some the structure is totally different. For me, everything has
11:51
Speaker 1: to be decent and in order, it's got to be
11:54
Speaker 1: in line. It's got to be that way, because that's
11:57
Speaker 1: what works for me. But I had to learn over
12:01
Speaker 1: time that you know what, You're not in this by yourself.
12:05
Speaker 1: So you know what, we got two couches. She got hers,
12:10
Speaker 1: I got mine. You know, we come together and it works,
12:15
Speaker 1: you know, but you have to realize that. I mean,
12:17
Speaker 1: when we first started out, I would come in, I
12:20
Speaker 1: have everything so nice and neat, and I walk out
12:23
Speaker 1: and I come back to the pillow laying down. I'm like,
12:25
Speaker 1: I thought, I picked that up, I put it back up,
12:28
Speaker 1: and when I come back, it's laying back. This happened
12:30
Speaker 1: about six seven times. Like, wait a minute, if you
12:33
Speaker 1: putting that pillow down? She said, yeah, I live here too,
12:36
Speaker 1: I want to say, I said, I started laughing, But
12:38
Speaker 1: you know, it's just that way. You have to figure
12:41
Speaker 1: it out. She said, you have to be comfortable in
12:43
Speaker 1: your home. I said, yeah, I was comfortable with it
12:45
Speaker 1: sitting up.
12:47
Speaker 6: And you know, it's kind of like if you've ever
12:50
Speaker 6: been to an older relatives house and you know they
12:55
Speaker 6: have their things in a certain place. I'm gonna take
12:58
Speaker 6: you all back a little bit. Y'all think that I'm
13:01
Speaker 6: like real young, So let me take y'all back a
13:03
Speaker 6: little bit. Remember going to your relatives house that had
13:07
Speaker 6: the plastic on the furniture. They had plastic on the
13:14
Speaker 6: furniture in certain areas of their home, and you couldn't
13:18
Speaker 6: even sit in those areas. And then in the areas
13:23
Speaker 6: where you could sit, it was like it was like
13:25
Speaker 6: this right here, because you were scared to touch something,
13:29
Speaker 6: you were scared to move because they were really they
13:33
Speaker 6: were really something about their stuff. I remember when our
13:38
Speaker 6: son was little, we had a relative that was up
13:42
Speaker 6: in age. She was actually like my grandmother's age, so
13:46
Speaker 6: she was my third cousin, and so.
13:52
Speaker 3: We went to visit her.
13:54
Speaker 6: And she had these artificial flowers in the bathroom, and
14:01
Speaker 6: so when my son came out of the bathroom, one
14:04
Speaker 6: of the little.
14:05
Speaker 3: Petals off of the artificial.
14:07
Speaker 6: Flower had come off for something, and oh my god,
14:11
Speaker 6: she act like it was the end of the world,
14:14
Speaker 6: you know. And so this is the type of things
14:16
Speaker 6: that we were going through, because Okay, the pillow was
14:20
Speaker 6: sitting up on the sofa, but if I'm on the
14:22
Speaker 6: sofa and I want to lay the pillow down to
14:24
Speaker 6: put my arm on it, put my foot on it,
14:26
Speaker 6: or whatever, it was like it was the end of
14:29
Speaker 6: the world. And so I was getting upset and he
14:32
Speaker 6: was getting upset.
14:33
Speaker 7: So here he is.
14:35
Speaker 6: Every time he comes by, he's putting the pillow back up.
14:38
Speaker 6: So I'll put the pillow back down. He'll walk out
14:41
Speaker 6: of the room, he'll come back and he'll look and
14:43
Speaker 6: he'll fluff the pillow up and put the pillow back,
14:46
Speaker 6: sit the pillow back straight up on the sofa. So,
14:49
Speaker 6: like he said, it happened about five or six times,
14:52
Speaker 6: and so finally I just got fed up.
14:54
Speaker 3: I threw the pillow on the floor. And when he
14:56
Speaker 3: came back that last time, just like, did you do that?
14:59
Speaker 3: Why you keep doing that?
15:00
Speaker 6: And why do you keep doing that? I live here too,
15:04
Speaker 6: This is my house too, and we're supposed to live
15:07
Speaker 6: in it. A house is supposed to be lived in.
15:10
Speaker 6: I'm not gonna be sitting.
15:12
Speaker 3: Up in a house like this right here. I'm gonna
15:14
Speaker 3: be comfortable.
15:15
Speaker 6: And so these are the things that you think about.
15:18
Speaker 6: I mean, we laugh about it now because it's really funny.
15:21
Speaker 6: And sometime we still go through the same little pillow thing.
15:25
Speaker 6: He got his set of pillows on his couch. I
15:28
Speaker 6: have mine on my couch and if one of my
15:30
Speaker 6: pillows end up over there, you need to give my pillow.
15:33
Speaker 3: I eat the pillar back on my couch. And so
15:36
Speaker 3: these are the things that you have to understand.
15:39
Speaker 6: And so, you know, communication is key because if you
15:43
Speaker 6: don't have communication, you just think about how you're walking around.
15:49
Speaker 6: You're like a mummy in your house. You're a prisoner
15:52
Speaker 6: because it's like I can't do this, I can't do that.
15:56
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh, I can't.
15:57
Speaker 1: You know.
15:58
Speaker 6: I gotta make sure that if I'm brushing my teeth,
16:01
Speaker 6: I can't leave the water on while I'm brushing my teeth.
16:04
Speaker 6: I got to get some two pastes and brush my
16:06
Speaker 6: teeth real quick and then turn the water on.
16:10
Speaker 3: No, we're not doing that. We live together.
16:13
Speaker 6: And so these other things that you have to understand
16:16
Speaker 6: when you are married you come from two different backgrounds,
16:20
Speaker 6: and so you're still learning each other even if you've
16:23
Speaker 6: dated years.
16:25
Speaker 3: It's the difference.
16:26
Speaker 6: When you become married, you see stuff that you might've
16:30
Speaker 6: been with this person almost all your life.
16:33
Speaker 3: And when you say I do things change? You be like,
16:37
Speaker 3: where in the devil that this?
16:39
Speaker 7: Who is this?
16:40
Speaker 3: Where it came from? I didn't see this when we
16:43
Speaker 3: were dating.
16:44
Speaker 6: But now we are full time married and it's yeah,
16:50
Speaker 6: we're full time. We might have been dating and like
16:53
Speaker 6: we were full time, but now it's official.
16:55
Speaker 3: We are full time. We are one. When we were dating,
16:59
Speaker 3: we were still trying to act like we were one,
17:02
Speaker 3: but now we are really one. And now you begin
17:06
Speaker 3: to see all these little things.
17:07
Speaker 6: You know, you're thinking, oh, I've been dating him all
17:10
Speaker 6: this time, I've been dating her all.
17:12
Speaker 3: This time, and it's good. As soon as you get married,
17:15
Speaker 3: you start.
17:16
Speaker 6: Seeing all kinds of stuff like, okay, you come to
17:19
Speaker 6: the closet and your clothes are color coded?
17:22
Speaker 1: What what is this?
17:26
Speaker 3: Why are the ress yellows and blues? Why they all together?
17:29
Speaker 6: What?
17:29
Speaker 7: What what is this?
17:31
Speaker 3: And you looking like, what are they doing?
17:35
Speaker 6: They do this? When they was coming to sleep over,
17:38
Speaker 6: you weren't kind of trying to color cords a little
17:40
Speaker 6: clothes you were sneaking in.
17:41
Speaker 3: The closet, you had them spread out. Why you're over
17:45
Speaker 3: here now color coded close and so these are the
17:47
Speaker 3: things you know, and you have to think about it.
17:50
Speaker 1: Well, you see, the thing of it is, it's not
17:53
Speaker 1: that you didn't see it. And there's a lot of
17:56
Speaker 1: things that we see that we say we don't see
17:58
Speaker 1: because love, you know, it comes a multitude of fault.
18:02
Speaker 1: But when you get in the same house, in the
18:04
Speaker 1: same space, you get to see in a whole lot
18:07
Speaker 1: of things you didn't see and recognizing stuff that like,
18:11
Speaker 1: wait a minute, what are you doing? See I'm like,
18:15
Speaker 1: I say, I'm one of those guys super neat everything
18:18
Speaker 1: in order. So I'm one that we'll try it. So
18:23
Speaker 1: I says, well, you know, maybe I need to try
18:26
Speaker 1: to live like I guess what we normal people, because
18:29
Speaker 1: some people can't come in their house and just drop
18:31
Speaker 1: stuff everywhere, get up in the morning and get it
18:35
Speaker 1: and go. So I tried it. I came home, I
18:39
Speaker 1: dropped my keys when I play it, put my hat
18:41
Speaker 1: and my colder everything everywhere.
18:44
Speaker 3: I got up.
18:45
Speaker 1: She was going to work and I was losing it.
18:48
Speaker 1: I didn't know what my keys was, I couldn't find
18:51
Speaker 1: my shoes. I waited a minute, I said out, I
18:55
Speaker 1: gave myself a hole headache, and I said, Lord, if
18:59
Speaker 1: you let me get out of this, it won't never
19:03
Speaker 1: ever happen again. And guess what, it didn't because I
19:07
Speaker 1: know where my stuff at. It's a routine for me,
19:12
Speaker 1: you know. And here's the thing. When you get together,
19:14
Speaker 1: allow your mate to be who they are so you
19:17
Speaker 1: can truly learn them and they can learn you. And
19:21
Speaker 1: then be willing to give as well as to receive. Yes,
19:25
Speaker 1: don't allow yourself to get upset or get out the
19:27
Speaker 1: way because, like you say, we're building something, and while
19:32
Speaker 1: you're building something, to remember it's us together. Then you
19:35
Speaker 1: got to realize that you know it. After all that
19:38
Speaker 1: part has gotten just about right. Then it's another phase
19:42
Speaker 1: you have to go through, which is like, what was
19:45
Speaker 1: the other heart of it? Go to take it on.
19:49
Speaker 3: The healtic.
19:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, the healing part is not automatic because sometimes you
19:55
Speaker 1: can say stuff and you know you ain't really mean it,
19:58
Speaker 1: but you take the time to think before you speak.
20:01
Speaker 1: The number one rule, you know, think before you speak,
20:04
Speaker 1: because you can really hurt somebody's feelings because you're like, man,
20:07
Speaker 1: come on, really really really you know, yeah, really really really,
20:12
Speaker 1: I really live here too, you know, so it doesn't
20:16
Speaker 1: come automatic. We have to take the time to consider
20:20
Speaker 1: each other's feelings and realize it's life because you know,
20:24
Speaker 1: you go to work. I go to work, and you
20:27
Speaker 1: had a bad day and I had a bad day.
20:29
Speaker 1: And why were talking about drill sergeists? Now with her job,
20:33
Speaker 1: you know, she have a few people working up under her,
20:35
Speaker 1: so she has to direct and you know they always
20:39
Speaker 1: coming at it, and she come on, well you got
20:40
Speaker 1: it that hold on, I don't work for you.
20:44
Speaker 3: You home now?
20:45
Speaker 1: No, no, I don't, I couldn't. I better not be broken.
20:58
Speaker 1: That's all I can do. But see the thing of
21:02
Speaker 1: it is, this is the part you can laugh about
21:04
Speaker 1: now because you right about that now. I don't at
21:07
Speaker 1: one point, but nobody get leap checked. That's our zero
21:11
Speaker 1: zero understanding on that. I made this here, tell you
21:13
Speaker 1: what you need here you go now, it don't even matter. Baby,
21:16
Speaker 1: and money over there, and that's just it because we're together.
21:20
Speaker 1: Because see, money and food are two things that will
21:27
Speaker 1: wreck a relationship. Don't worry about if you're making it,
21:32
Speaker 1: make you make the money. Don't let the money make you.
21:35
Speaker 1: That's number one. Number two. If it's food needed in
21:38
Speaker 1: the house, buy it. If we are eating, it's not
21:40
Speaker 1: I did it last time. Just do it. We together,
21:44
Speaker 1: because if we're one, when I eat, you eat, I sleep,
21:47
Speaker 1: you sleep. When I have, you have see And you
21:50
Speaker 1: got to get to that point because if you ever
21:51
Speaker 1: get to that point where you start doing what they
21:53
Speaker 1: call cuffing, let me talk this bat. You don't have
21:57
Speaker 1: to hide nothing in your own house. It's mine as mine,
22:00
Speaker 1: you know. And I'm glad I've been I've gotten to
22:03
Speaker 1: that point because I just fam it's on the table
22:05
Speaker 1: there it is, and that's what it is. I don't
22:07
Speaker 1: have to worry about that, you know. So just be fair.
22:11
Speaker 1: That's the key.
22:12
Speaker 3: And you know when you said that, make the money
22:16
Speaker 3: and don't let the money make you. That's one thing that.
22:20
Speaker 6: Is so important because as we counsel different ones, we
22:25
Speaker 6: have some very young married couples, married couples that have
22:30
Speaker 6: been married right at the cuff of maybe six seven years.
22:35
Speaker 6: And one of the things that I have noticed in
22:39
Speaker 6: the younger generation that are getting married, it's a mayor
22:44
Speaker 6: type thing. It's not an hour they're still this is mine,
22:48
Speaker 6: this is yours, you know, it's not this is ours.
22:52
Speaker 6: They don't share with one another. And I think a
22:55
Speaker 6: lot of that is because some of them never had
22:58
Speaker 6: any type of counseling. They just jumped into marriage and
23:02
Speaker 6: they have uh they were having a fleeing and all
23:05
Speaker 6: of a sudden, hey let's do this thing, let's go
23:08
Speaker 6: get married, and they never really understand the concept of marriage.
23:14
Speaker 6: When you become married, you're not you're not two individuals
23:20
Speaker 6: anymore just living together. You are becoming one.
23:24
Speaker 3: That means everything becomes one.
23:26
Speaker 6: This is ours, This is our house, this is our car,
23:30
Speaker 6: this is our money, and so these are the things
23:34
Speaker 6: that you have to think about.
23:35
Speaker 3: And these are our bills.
23:36
Speaker 6: I mean I literally, I literally know some couples that
23:40
Speaker 6: we have counseled in the past that have That's there.
23:44
Speaker 6: There's the largest argument. Largest arguments are about money, money
23:51
Speaker 6: and bills. The thing is, oh, well that's their bill,
23:56
Speaker 6: you know, that's his bill, that's her bill, and that
23:59
Speaker 6: that's their thing.
24:00
Speaker 3: Well, you know they have to where they have what
24:03
Speaker 3: do you mean half, we not half, We are whole.
24:07
Speaker 3: We are a whole one. And so it's not a
24:10
Speaker 3: half thing.
24:11
Speaker 6: And this is where I often try to instill the
24:17
Speaker 6: fact that women, when we come into a marriage, when
24:21
Speaker 6: a man gives us his last.
24:23
Speaker 3: Name, we have just become a part of him.
24:30
Speaker 6: We know that when Adam Adam was created, then evils created,
24:34
Speaker 6: evils created from his rib and so we are the
24:39
Speaker 6: help mate.
24:41
Speaker 3: We are to help him meet whatever need is lacking.
24:45
Speaker 3: Wherever there is a lack, we're supposed to be able
24:49
Speaker 3: to come to the table. It's not a half thing.
24:53
Speaker 3: It's not where your half of this or where your
24:56
Speaker 3: half of that is, because maybe I can't.
24:59
Speaker 1: Get But then when you get to talking about half,
25:03
Speaker 1: we don't really have a relationship. Then we have a partnership, see,
25:08
Speaker 1: And that's the thing. And you said at the beginning
25:11
Speaker 1: of what you're talking just then about we was doing
25:14
Speaker 1: this thing. You know, a lot of people get married
25:18
Speaker 1: because of sex. See, you can't marry to sac. You
25:22
Speaker 1: got to marry that person, you know, and not just
25:26
Speaker 1: an added bonus that we can come together even closer
25:29
Speaker 1: because you can have all this up here and nothing
25:32
Speaker 1: else going on, and you can have all that down
25:34
Speaker 1: there but nothing up here going on. So where are
25:37
Speaker 1: we really at in this relationship? You know, let's sit
25:41
Speaker 1: down and talk and then really get to find out
25:43
Speaker 1: who each other are, right, And.
25:45
Speaker 3: That's the only way that we can build when we communicate.
25:49
Speaker 6: We have to sit down and we have to discuss
25:51
Speaker 6: what are our common goals now that we are married,
25:54
Speaker 6: what are we doing?
25:55
Speaker 1: What we're doing correct? I mean, because if you get
25:59
Speaker 1: in a relationship and you don't have a plan or
26:03
Speaker 1: a strategy to move forward or to cataport yourself to
26:07
Speaker 1: the next level, then what you're doing right, because any
26:10
Speaker 1: man or woman that fails the plan plans to fail.
26:14
Speaker 1: You know. We're sitting right here, Okay, so you making this,
26:18
Speaker 1: I'm making that. What we're putting in the bank, what
26:21
Speaker 1: we're putting together for our future? What are we doing
26:24
Speaker 1: for our children? What are we doing for vacation, What
26:27
Speaker 1: are we doing about a car? What are we doing
26:28
Speaker 1: about insurance? And I'm not talking about paycheck the paycheck,
26:32
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the future. You know. Learn to do
26:37
Speaker 1: things to where it's beneficial to the family, you know,
26:42
Speaker 1: And that's what it's all about. We got to learn
26:44
Speaker 1: how to become one.
26:47
Speaker 3: Yes, Now that beneficial.
26:50
Speaker 6: Beneficial to the family means that you are selfless and
26:57
Speaker 6: you're willing to sacrifice because there are times when things
27:03
Speaker 6: may get tight and they may get rough, and somebody
27:07
Speaker 6: may not be able to bring what they once were
27:10
Speaker 6: bringing to the table. And so now that means that
27:14
Speaker 6: you're going to have to sacrifice for the greater good
27:17
Speaker 6: of keeping the family afloat until God brings something better
27:22
Speaker 6: into view this for the other person in the relationship.
27:27
Speaker 6: And so you can't be a minor thing at that moment.
27:31
Speaker 2: You have to.
27:32
Speaker 6: Understand that in order for a marriage to really work,
27:36
Speaker 6: you make sacrifices. You're selfless because and let me tell
27:41
Speaker 6: you this, it does not matter who makes the most money.
27:44
Speaker 3: That should not even be a topic of who makes
27:48
Speaker 3: the most. Well, I earn the most, so I got
27:50
Speaker 3: the biggest voice. No, no, you don't, No, you don't no.
27:55
Speaker 6: Because whatever I'm able to bring to help meet our needs,
28:01
Speaker 6: there you go.
28:02
Speaker 3: We have equal conversation.
28:04
Speaker 6: Whether I bring two pennies and you bring two million,
28:09
Speaker 6: we have the equal right to say whatever it is
28:13
Speaker 6: that we need to say concerning our life in our future.
28:18
Speaker 6: We get so caught up and so many marriages are
28:22
Speaker 6: in trouble because.
28:24
Speaker 3: Of the fact that they live by the may your.
28:27
Speaker 6: Principle and who makes the most money, who's not doing this,
28:32
Speaker 6: who's not doing that?
28:33
Speaker 3: And like I said before, maybe they are not able.
28:37
Speaker 6: But when you say I do in the vowels, the
28:41
Speaker 6: Christian vowels, it says for better or for worse.
28:46
Speaker 1: But the thing of it is when you get into
28:49
Speaker 1: a relationship, you come in it then that with the
28:53
Speaker 1: mindset that I'm gonna take care of all this, not
28:57
Speaker 1: just the man the woman. I'm taking care of all this.
29:00
Speaker 1: So if we can keep that mindset, we're not gonna
29:03
Speaker 1: have that problem where you didn't bring this, todaff, you
29:06
Speaker 1: didn't bring that. No, if we got the mindset, well
29:09
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take care of that. Okay, we just bringing
29:12
Speaker 1: it to the table anyway.
29:13
Speaker 6: Right, you were paying bills, if you were living separate,
29:16
Speaker 6: we're paying.
29:17
Speaker 3: Bills on your own.
29:19
Speaker 6: And see the other part of the marriage vounds that
29:21
Speaker 6: we really don't think about is that part that says
29:25
Speaker 6: for richer or for poor. Because we started out, and
29:30
Speaker 6: we was when we first started out. When we first
29:34
Speaker 6: started out, our house was like.
29:38
Speaker 1: An echo Louis and Louis and Louis.
29:42
Speaker 6: Our first entertainment center or TV stand was a drafting board. Yeah,
29:47
Speaker 6: and We had a TV that was probably not even
29:51
Speaker 6: a ten inch that we sat in the middle of
29:55
Speaker 6: the drafting board and color TV.
29:59
Speaker 3: If anybody as old as we are, you know about
30:01
Speaker 3: the little ten inch TVs.
30:04
Speaker 6: Most of them came in black and white, but God
30:06
Speaker 6: blessed us to have some color. You know, we had
30:11
Speaker 6: a little ten inch TV sitting in the middle of
30:15
Speaker 6: a drafting board.
30:16
Speaker 3: And you know what, we were happy.
30:18
Speaker 6: We were content with what we had because we were
30:23
Speaker 6: together and the marriage was not built on what we had,
30:27
Speaker 6: what we brought to the table. Both of us had
30:30
Speaker 6: lives before we came to the marriage. Both of us
30:33
Speaker 6: had experiences before we came to the marriage. Both of
30:37
Speaker 6: us had big homes and cars and stuff before we
30:41
Speaker 6: came to the marriage. But you know what happened to
30:45
Speaker 6: us life life happened to us when life started lifing
30:51
Speaker 6: for us. What happened was we went from a two
30:55
Speaker 6: car family to a one car family.
30:59
Speaker 3: And we had to make do.
31:01
Speaker 6: And when we were making do, there were times that
31:03
Speaker 6: we were sitting on the floor rolling up chains, trying
31:07
Speaker 6: to figure out how.
31:08
Speaker 3: We were even gonna get gassed for one car, let alone,
31:14
Speaker 3: how we were gonna have lunch, making sure that the
31:17
Speaker 3: needs of the children were met. So it's not that
31:22
Speaker 3: it's not doable.
31:23
Speaker 6: You have to understand that marriage is not perfect, and
31:26
Speaker 6: especially when you have outside influences.
31:30
Speaker 3: That try to create having to make it not be
31:33
Speaker 3: perfect for you.
31:35
Speaker 6: It is not a situation when you have these outside
31:39
Speaker 6: influences and they're doing everything that they can.
31:42
Speaker 3: Because we had a statement that was made and they
31:45
Speaker 3: tried to hold true to it that it was almost
31:49
Speaker 3: a promise that was made. I promise you that you
31:53
Speaker 3: won't end up with anything we'll get hours before you
31:58
Speaker 3: get yours, and they almost stay true to that. They
32:03
Speaker 3: stay true.
32:04
Speaker 6: But the thing about it, love conquers a multitude of
32:08
Speaker 6: not only faults, but love is able to stand and withstand.
32:12
Speaker 6: So you know, a lot of times league make a
32:15
Speaker 6: statement and we laugh about it. He was like, Okay, well,
32:18
Speaker 6: let me tell you about our love. Our love is
32:22
Speaker 6: the kind of love that if we were in a
32:25
Speaker 6: match box, we would be happy.
32:29
Speaker 1: Try with.
32:33
Speaker 3: Three different size tires, we would be happy together.
32:37
Speaker 6: Because the first car that we had, it actually had
32:41
Speaker 6: three good tires and we were still happy. We was
32:46
Speaker 6: riding down the road just a humping and I mean
32:49
Speaker 6: we just because the tire was bad, and we just
32:51
Speaker 6: rolling and we smiling and grinned as if nothing was
32:55
Speaker 6: going on, because it was not based on the material things.
32:59
Speaker 3: And that's what you have to understand. Marriage should not
33:02
Speaker 3: be based on material things. That's a bonus.
33:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean even in that when we got the tires, y'all,
33:10
Speaker 1: we can only afford to get three. So I looked
33:12
Speaker 1: at the best one we had on the car, hospital
33:14
Speaker 1: put that in the bag. Were good, And that's how
33:19
Speaker 1: it was, you know. But see that's what you call
33:21
Speaker 1: humble beginning, yes, because you know what, we stuck together
33:25
Speaker 1: and we stuck with it. And these are the things
33:28
Speaker 1: that create marriage, you know, and memories because you can
33:32
Speaker 1: laugh now because you know sometimes God allows you to
33:37
Speaker 1: go through things to show you it's greater coming. But
33:41
Speaker 1: how can you expect to do greater if you can't
33:45
Speaker 1: do good with the little things? You know, if you
33:48
Speaker 1: can't control this little small thing, how can you expect
33:51
Speaker 1: to control this large thing that you desire? You see,
33:57
Speaker 1: God is not going to allow you to have none
33:59
Speaker 1: that you can't control. So until you become a good
34:01
Speaker 1: steward over the things in which He is loan unto you, yes,
34:06
Speaker 1: then you're gonna still be check to check. I need
34:10
Speaker 1: to get this. I need to let when you think
34:11
Speaker 1: we can borrow from this one to borrow from that one,
34:14
Speaker 1: and I'm not with that right there, when you know
34:16
Speaker 1: we can do this together, it's a one, that's when
34:19
Speaker 1: we come together. We came together. When we came together,
34:22
Speaker 1: we was together. And then when you get that way,
34:26
Speaker 1: then you be that way. Don't change. See when you
34:29
Speaker 1: start looking at the one you married and said I
34:31
Speaker 1: do to remember you want more for them than you
34:34
Speaker 1: do for yourself. And once it gets to that point,
34:37
Speaker 1: you good. You're good because you know it. It's not
34:40
Speaker 1: about me anymore. It's about her, It's about him, which
34:44
Speaker 1: is about us. Yeah.
34:46
Speaker 3: Now you said something that we often equate to.
34:52
Speaker 6: Money, never really thinking about and even sometimes material things,
34:58
Speaker 6: but never really thinking a about marriage.
35:01
Speaker 3: You said, being a good steward.
35:03
Speaker 6: Yes, so we have to be a good steward over
35:07
Speaker 6: our marriage, just like we have to be a good
35:11
Speaker 6: steward over our money.
35:14
Speaker 3: Because if you're not a good steward over your marriage.
35:17
Speaker 6: And you begin to discount or disregard your mate and
35:23
Speaker 6: treat them some kind of way, you are.
35:27
Speaker 3: Putting yourself in danger.
35:29
Speaker 6: Of losing what you have, and a lot of times
35:33
Speaker 6: you don't realize what God has given you or blessed
35:37
Speaker 6: you with until he's gone.
35:39
Speaker 3: So you have to be a good steward.
35:41
Speaker 6: You gotta be a good steward over the marriage, and
35:45
Speaker 6: especially if it is a God ordained marriage. Now, some marriages,
35:49
Speaker 6: y'all just put together by yourself. You just put together
35:53
Speaker 6: by yourself. And so the thing that you have to
35:56
Speaker 6: understand is that when it's your marriage, it's subject to
36:00
Speaker 6: any and everything.
36:02
Speaker 3: But when it's God's marriage, when it's one that He
36:05
Speaker 3: has joined together.
36:06
Speaker 6: The Scripture tells us what God has joined together, let
36:10
Speaker 6: no man put asunder.
36:12
Speaker 3: So that means you, not even you, the man, You
36:16
Speaker 3: the woe man.
36:17
Speaker 6: You don't even put it asunder. That means that you
36:20
Speaker 6: have to begin to be a good steward.
36:23
Speaker 3: Over your marriage.
36:26
Speaker 6: So many times people will look at me because of
36:29
Speaker 6: the simple fact that you know, Lee would always say,
36:33
Speaker 6: you know.
36:34
Speaker 3: I get breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
36:37
Speaker 6: When he was a full time working man out here
36:41
Speaker 6: on somebody else's job.
36:44
Speaker 3: That was my that's my responsibility.
36:46
Speaker 6: Why would I send my husband out of the house
36:49
Speaker 6: without something to eat?
36:50
Speaker 3: Why would I send him without a lunch.
36:54
Speaker 6: Why would his dinner not be prepared if not when
36:58
Speaker 6: he gets home, but shortly thereafter.
37:01
Speaker 3: See these other things that you have to understand.
37:03
Speaker 6: You have to steward your marriage because what you don't do,
37:07
Speaker 6: somebody else will do.
37:09
Speaker 1: You better say it, And that's the whole key right there.
37:12
Speaker 1: You know, allow your marriage to work for you. Don't
37:15
Speaker 1: allow people to dictate your marriage for you. Some people
37:19
Speaker 1: it ain't gonna work like that. They don't cook. Okay,
37:22
Speaker 1: if you accepted that, then accept that role. Me and
37:26
Speaker 1: myself when I got with my wife, the first thing
37:30
Speaker 1: she said was because my first dinner was a hamburger
37:34
Speaker 1: biggest to skid it that didn't break, with some tomatoes
37:37
Speaker 1: on it, because that's what I wanted, and she did it.
37:40
Speaker 1: I just didn't know how she made it because it
37:42
Speaker 1: didn't break. And I was so happy with that. And
37:45
Speaker 1: then she prayed over the food and I was just
37:48
Speaker 1: eating because I was I really wanted that. And her
37:51
Speaker 1: words to me was I I said, why are you
37:54
Speaker 1: looking at me like that? She said, because I love
37:56
Speaker 1: to see you eat And I said you do and
37:59
Speaker 1: she said yeah. I said, okay, I'm always make sure
38:03
Speaker 1: you eat big bad one day she told you, you know,
38:05
Speaker 1: I hate I said that the time. Yes, Lord, I'll
38:12
Speaker 1: make sure it's in there. You just cook it.
38:14
Speaker 3: I eat it.
38:16
Speaker 1: But that was part of it, you know. And that
38:19
Speaker 1: may not work for you. But let me tell you something.
38:22
Speaker 1: If you have a family, make sure you do it
38:26
Speaker 1: to where it's comfortable for each other. You know. If
38:29
Speaker 1: you don't like to cook, okay, then there's a Sunday evening.
38:33
Speaker 1: You better cook for the week. Put enough out there
38:36
Speaker 1: so you know, what all you got to do is
38:38
Speaker 1: warming up, simple as that. See, And you me and
38:42
Speaker 1: some of you that can't cook, learn because I can burn,
38:46
Speaker 1: Trust me, I can burn, you know. Put the thing.
38:49
Speaker 1: But that's what she wanted to do for me. She
38:52
Speaker 1: bring me my food every night. And she's did that
38:56
Speaker 1: for the last thirty some years. Bring me my food,
38:59
Speaker 1: and everybody like you do what I'm like bringing your food.
39:04
Speaker 1: This is nothing that I made or asked her to do.
39:06
Speaker 1: This is just what she's done, simple as that. See.
39:10
Speaker 1: So don't govern yourself by somebody else's marriage and what
39:15
Speaker 1: they see. When it's in your heart, you do what's
39:19
Speaker 1: in there. Don't worry about what they did and what
39:22
Speaker 1: they say. You should be doing, or letting the world
39:25
Speaker 1: dick to you, say, you don't tell me and look
39:27
Speaker 1: at it. If it's going through all that right there,
39:30
Speaker 1: don't get married because it ain't gonna work for you.
39:32
Speaker 1: So you're gonna try, and you're gonna try to make
39:34
Speaker 1: it work instead of letting God allow it to work
39:37
Speaker 1: the way it should be. If you don't feel comfortable
39:40
Speaker 1: doing it, don't do it. Don't start nothing. You can't
39:43
Speaker 1: keep up. The only way you don't let nothing get
39:46
Speaker 1: started is don't let it get started.
39:48
Speaker 3: And that's so true.
39:50
Speaker 6: And one thing that I want us as women that
39:54
Speaker 6: cook to understand. If you cook and you cook with
39:59
Speaker 6: love and you want to cook, it shows up in
40:02
Speaker 6: the taste of the food.
40:03
Speaker 3: But if you mad and you angry and you just
40:08
Speaker 3: begrudging that you got.
40:09
Speaker 6: To be in the kitchen, baby, it's like dog fool
40:13
Speaker 6: to them because they don't have.
40:14
Speaker 3: No taste and.
40:18
Speaker 1: Steaming, that's it.
40:20
Speaker 3: Sometimes it's not even that.
40:22
Speaker 6: And I gotta be transparent. I was upset one day
40:26
Speaker 6: and it was nothing that he had done. It was
40:29
Speaker 6: somebody else that had really gotten me upset, and I
40:34
Speaker 6: was just really fuming. And they were our guests and
40:40
Speaker 6: so I came in and I'm trying to cook, and
40:43
Speaker 6: I'm thinking, okay, well, you know, I got half of
40:46
Speaker 6: the dinner prepared, so let me just finish the other half.
40:50
Speaker 6: And so I'm thinking, okay, let's you know, we're gonna
40:53
Speaker 6: have some mixed vegetables, because that's the last thing that
40:56
Speaker 6: I was trying to prepare, some mixed vegetables. So I
40:59
Speaker 6: opened up a cane, I opened up a can of
41:06
Speaker 6: mixed vegetables, and I just poured them in a microwave
41:09
Speaker 6: with a bowl and put them in the microwave for
41:11
Speaker 6: a few minutes and I took them out and I
41:13
Speaker 6: served them up. Lee was looking at me so crazy,
41:18
Speaker 6: like what in the world is this?
41:21
Speaker 3: You know, like what is this?
41:23
Speaker 6: And so when I realized I didn't even cook them,
41:27
Speaker 6: I just nuked them, just like he said, they just
41:31
Speaker 6: had some steam on them. They was just as raw
41:33
Speaker 6: as they wanted to be. And I didn't not realize
41:36
Speaker 6: it until after the fact. So I want to say
41:39
Speaker 6: I said that to say, when you are upset and
41:43
Speaker 6: you are cooking, it shows up.
41:46
Speaker 3: It shows up in the taste of the food, It
41:49
Speaker 3: shows up.
41:50
Speaker 6: In the texture of the food because you done cook
41:52
Speaker 6: something and it's something that's about to pull your it out.
41:55
Speaker 3: It's so tough.
41:56
Speaker 6: You have to understand that it shows up when you
42:00
Speaker 6: really and truly want to cook for your mate.
42:04
Speaker 3: It shows up that love and there is love, you know,
42:08
Speaker 3: and so that's the thing. Now you have to understand
42:11
Speaker 3: it will show up. And even if you know, because
42:15
Speaker 3: I've had women when I.
42:16
Speaker 6: Said, well, you know, I cooked, and I used to cook,
42:19
Speaker 6: you know, three meals a day and everything, and they
42:22
Speaker 6: be like, cook, oh, I'm.
42:25
Speaker 3: Not doing that. He better take me out to eat.
42:27
Speaker 3: He better do this, he better do that.
42:29
Speaker 6: But what happens when takeout can no longer be taken out?
42:35
Speaker 6: What happens when you don't have the money to even
42:39
Speaker 6: go to Jack in the box?
42:41
Speaker 3: What happens at that point?
42:43
Speaker 6: Because you know, you have some people that come to
42:45
Speaker 6: marriages with some real high and lofty expectations, and they
42:51
Speaker 6: are really a lot of falsehoods because you have some
42:54
Speaker 6: unrealistic expectations of your mate.
42:58
Speaker 1: And that's both male and But see that's the thing.
43:01
Speaker 1: When you have a maid and you one more one
43:05
Speaker 1: went together, Yes, you got to realize, okay, you want
43:09
Speaker 1: to go out to eat every night? I hope you
43:11
Speaker 1: got a job too, because you can take me out
43:15
Speaker 1: eat if that's what you want to do, because I
43:17
Speaker 1: don't have it, you know, And don't get mad at
43:20
Speaker 1: me for what I can't do that you cannot do
43:22
Speaker 1: for yourself, right See, if we want it, I'm your husband, okay,
43:27
Speaker 1: and you my wife. Okay. Well you can take me
43:28
Speaker 1: out to eat too, or that kitchen in there. You know,
43:31
Speaker 1: that's what we brought the home for, so you have
43:33
Speaker 1: a home cooked me up, you know what I mean?
43:36
Speaker 1: And then they think of it there, stop being sold
43:40
Speaker 1: jacked up? Oh he better take me. I just look
43:43
Speaker 1: at them crazy people, man, because if you allow this
43:46
Speaker 1: to happen, then you allow the other stuff to come
43:49
Speaker 1: along with that. See, stop being so vulgar in your
43:54
Speaker 1: tone when it comes to that right there, because remember
43:56
Speaker 1: now you better do this, and you better do that
43:58
Speaker 1: and other all right, somebody still cooking it for you.
44:01
Speaker 1: You don't know what you eating right food?
44:07
Speaker 3: The thing that we have to think about it now.
44:10
Speaker 3: You said something just then that we have been working on.
44:14
Speaker 3: Let yeah that way, I let you do this and
44:22
Speaker 3: I let you do that.
44:26
Speaker 1: Though.
44:26
Speaker 3: That's some of the things that we have been trying
44:28
Speaker 3: to correct.
44:30
Speaker 6: In language, our language. But we have to learn how
44:34
Speaker 6: to speak to each other. You can't be saying, you know, well,
44:38
Speaker 6: yeah I let her, I let her go here, or
44:41
Speaker 6: I let him go there, you know, because and it's
44:43
Speaker 6: funny that we say this because once again, we got
44:47
Speaker 6: some experience in this area because people would ask him,
44:54
Speaker 6: People would ask him, oh, so you mean, Kim, don't
44:58
Speaker 6: let you do this or let you do that?
45:04
Speaker 1: What?
45:06
Speaker 3: He's not my yo, yo, He's not my puppet. I
45:10
Speaker 3: don't have any strings on him.
45:12
Speaker 6: So to say that I let him do something that
45:16
Speaker 6: is so out of order, because we're two individuals that
45:20
Speaker 6: became one, and so he doesn't have to let me
45:24
Speaker 6: do anything, nor do I have to let him do anything.
45:28
Speaker 6: We are we have our own individuality, we have our
45:32
Speaker 6: own minds, we have our own thought process. We are
45:37
Speaker 6: two people that became one. It's not a thing about
45:41
Speaker 6: let it's mutual respect. It's mutual respect.
45:47
Speaker 5: You know.
45:48
Speaker 6: I will tell people all the time. I ask permission
45:52
Speaker 6: to do things. I ask permission to go places.
45:55
Speaker 3: It's not that I'm his puppet.
45:58
Speaker 6: It's not that I feel like, you know, I got
46:00
Speaker 6: to bow down to the master and ask the master
46:04
Speaker 6: can I go and can I do something.
46:07
Speaker 3: No, it's mutual respect, because you know what, I belong
46:11
Speaker 3: to him. I belong to him. I took his last name,
46:16
Speaker 3: and so that means that I belong to him just
46:19
Speaker 3: like he belongs to me.
46:21
Speaker 6: And so it's not a point of you know, I'm
46:25
Speaker 6: asking because I just you know, I just got to
46:29
Speaker 6: have the permission from the meth No, I'm asking out
46:32
Speaker 6: of mutual respect to say, hey, baby, this is going
46:37
Speaker 6: on and I would like to go to that.
46:39
Speaker 3: Is this okay with you?
46:40
Speaker 6: Because one thing about it. You may want to go
46:43
Speaker 6: somewhere and you may want to go to a concert
46:47
Speaker 6: or something. Okay, the concert starts at eight o'clock. There's
46:53
Speaker 6: five or six, seven, eight, nine, ten groups, And for
46:58
Speaker 6: me it would be a gospel concert and be a
47:00
Speaker 6: worldly concert.
47:01
Speaker 3: So y'all know when we get up and get the
47:03
Speaker 3: bucketing and.
47:04
Speaker 6: Shouting, and everybody gotta have their own personal platform and
47:08
Speaker 6: have their.
47:09
Speaker 3: Own show, you know all of that, it may drag
47:12
Speaker 3: on well until eleven o'clock at night. And so here
47:17
Speaker 3: I am a married woman.
47:18
Speaker 6: I said, okay, I was going to a concert, and
47:20
Speaker 6: anybody would sim would be like, well, you know what
47:23
Speaker 6: these people can't be having church all night long like this,
47:27
Speaker 6: you know. So then there comes the thing of okay,
47:31
Speaker 6: so now here you are, you out here in.
47:34
Speaker 3: These streets by yourself, and what's happening.
47:42
Speaker 6: Not that there's a trust issue, but what's happening. That's
47:46
Speaker 6: just like I'm saying, if he goes somewhere, Hey, me
47:50
Speaker 6: and the fellas we going out and we're gonna do
47:54
Speaker 6: X y Z what Maybe we're gonna go in and
47:56
Speaker 6: you know, shoot some pool or something. So you and
48:01
Speaker 6: the fellas going out, y'all may go out at eight o'clock.
48:06
Speaker 3: Okay.
48:06
Speaker 6: So if it's twelve thirty one o'clock, I'm like, okay, well,
48:10
Speaker 6: it ain't that much pool playing in the world.
48:13
Speaker 3: But see these other things that we have to get
48:16
Speaker 3: to an agreement with.
48:17
Speaker 6: That's why you're asking permission, because first of all, you married.
48:23
Speaker 6: Second of all, you belonged to each other. Third of all,
48:28
Speaker 6: I was always taughd. One thing is, you don't call
48:32
Speaker 6: the marriage couple's house after nine o'clock. You don't call
48:35
Speaker 6: married people after nine o'clock because married people be doing
48:40
Speaker 6: grown people's stuff after nine o'clock.
48:42
Speaker 3: Don't call. Don't call the house talking about you need
48:45
Speaker 3: to ask a question. Ask it tomorrow.
48:48
Speaker 6: It's not it's not gonna it's not gonna spoil Ask
48:53
Speaker 6: it tomorrow, tex it.
48:55
Speaker 3: I'll see it in the morning when I get up.
48:59
Speaker 3: Don't call. And that's the other thing when you have people,
49:02
Speaker 3: you have some people that don't have no kind of
49:05
Speaker 3: respect for married people. They call all times of night.
49:10
Speaker 6: They'll call nine o'clock, ten o'clock, it don't matter, and
49:13
Speaker 6: then they want to have a whole long drawn out conversation. Hey, hey,
49:17
Speaker 6: I understand that you might not have a spouse, but
49:19
Speaker 6: I do. We gotta cut this short. We can we
49:23
Speaker 6: talk about this tomorrow. Are you in crisis?
49:29
Speaker 3: Is it an emergency? Do we need to call to
49:32
Speaker 3: one one? Yeah, the emergency crisis line. Do we need
49:37
Speaker 3: to call them? Because this is the thing. You know
49:42
Speaker 3: you're calling and this is our time. And that's another thing.
49:46
Speaker 3: When you have a spouse, you got to carveout that time.
49:51
Speaker 6: You can't just be just doing stuff, and you can't
49:54
Speaker 6: allow other people to do stuff, especially if they don't
49:58
Speaker 6: have no spouse. Lesson, stop stop calling here, stop calling here.
50:01
Speaker 6: This time tonight, me and my wife were trying to
50:05
Speaker 6: have a conversation. Me and my husband were trying to
50:07
Speaker 6: have a conversation. Stop it, don't call. It's one of
50:13
Speaker 6: the thing is you gotta think about it. You know,
50:16
Speaker 6: you got people, You're getting up early in the morning,
50:19
Speaker 6: you trying to get yourself together. This is your time
50:22
Speaker 6: if both of you are working, this is your time
50:24
Speaker 6: to kind of get together, pray, You're getting dressed, you're
50:27
Speaker 6: having your coffee, maybe having breakfast or whatever.
50:30
Speaker 3: And I begot dog on, if the phone ain't ringing
50:32
Speaker 3: at six thirty, could you at least let me leave,
50:35
Speaker 3: let me go, let me go, and then you can
50:38
Speaker 3: have your time. But right now it's my time. And
50:41
Speaker 3: so we have to get to the point to where we.
50:44
Speaker 6: Have boundaries, because without boundaries, people's feelings get hurt. Because,
50:49
Speaker 6: you know, if it's a case where I'm used to
50:53
Speaker 6: getting my kids in the morning, I'm used to having
50:56
Speaker 6: prayer in the morning, I'm used to maybe getting a
51:00
Speaker 6: couple of coffee, having a cup of coffee and sitting
51:02
Speaker 6: down and having a little bit of a chit chat.
51:04
Speaker 6: And if I don't get none of them, I'm going
51:06
Speaker 6: to work with an attitude. I'm like, well, I'll just
51:09
Speaker 6: be dog on. I guess they was just that their
51:13
Speaker 6: conversation was fire because I ain't even get a peck
51:20
Speaker 6: on the cheek. I ain't getting nothing.
51:22
Speaker 3: Just okay, see you later, okay, see.
51:24
Speaker 6: Me later, not see me out the door, to the truck,
51:28
Speaker 6: out the driveway, down the road.
51:29
Speaker 3: A little piece.
51:31
Speaker 6: No, and see these other things that we have to
51:33
Speaker 6: understand because those type of things create friction, they create
51:38
Speaker 6: habit and they create feelings.
51:41
Speaker 1: So see something else that you can put on the
51:44
Speaker 1: agenda exactly because when you become one.
51:48
Speaker 6: We won.
51:49
Speaker 1: And then, like you say, you have your boundaries and
51:52
Speaker 1: you have your time. Let your time. Let our time
51:56
Speaker 1: be our time. Because here's the thing, most of the
51:59
Speaker 1: time you're getting those kind of You got a marriage too.
52:02
Speaker 1: So because your stuff not working right, don't mean mine's not.
52:07
Speaker 1: You know, your fail the plan doesn't constitute the emergency
52:10
Speaker 1: for me. You know, holler at me in a little bit,
52:14
Speaker 1: you know, give me the same respect that I give you,
52:17
Speaker 1: you know, because I will call and say, hey, oh
52:20
Speaker 1: you people, oh allah, now you could talk. You could talk. No,
52:24
Speaker 1: now you called me back, or we will get together later,
52:28
Speaker 1: you know, And that's just what it is, you know.
52:31
Speaker 1: But these are things that you have to learn, yeah, because.
52:36
Speaker 6: All of these things make for a happy marriage when
52:40
Speaker 6: you can set boundaries, when you can keep it together
52:46
Speaker 6: and you can communicate. Because if I never expressed the
52:51
Speaker 6: fact that, listen, I've been missing our time together.
52:55
Speaker 3: Hey, we need to we need to talk about this. Hey,
52:59
Speaker 3: you need to tell ye John don't call so much.
53:02
Speaker 3: You need to tell Sally stop calling. You need to
53:05
Speaker 3: tell them listen, don't listen.
53:08
Speaker 6: This is our time and you don't allow anybody to
53:12
Speaker 6: cast you to deviate from that, because, like I said,
53:15
Speaker 6: if you not in crisis, baby, listen, it can wait.
53:19
Speaker 3: Tell tomorrow. It ain't gonna. It's not gonna, Paul.
53:23
Speaker 6: And so this is what we have to understand. But
53:26
Speaker 6: sometimes we are the ones, as I stayed there before,
53:30
Speaker 6: we're that man that begins to put our marriage asunder
53:34
Speaker 6: because we begin to put any and everything above the
53:40
Speaker 6: one whom.
53:40
Speaker 3: We said I do too.
53:43
Speaker 2: And that's the part you got to realize right there,
53:45
Speaker 2: it's you and ire, not me and them, You and us, right,
53:50
Speaker 2: it's me and you and as long as we keep
53:53
Speaker 2: up what you say, when you have to realize that
54:01
Speaker 2: it's us and make it that way, you know, because
54:04
Speaker 2: if you didn't want to be us.
54:05
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have said I do, because I do on
54:08
Speaker 1: all my time. I do, and that's what it is
54:12
Speaker 1: I do.
54:13
Speaker 3: Well, Hey, y'all were at the end of this journey
54:18
Speaker 3: for tonight.
54:18
Speaker 6: We want to thank y'all for joining us for let
54:22
Speaker 6: the healing begin, and we hope that you'll be back
54:25
Speaker 6: with us on the third Sunday. The third Sunday at
54:28
Speaker 6: eight pm Eastern Standard time, we'll be here for it.
54:33
Speaker 6: We hope you will be too. We'll see you next time.
54:37
Speaker 6: Let the healing begin, everybody, you've been tuned in to.
54:41
Speaker 3: Let the healing begin. Where we heal growing Rock who
54:48
Speaker 3: the word of God, we pray tonight show bless your heart.
54:52
Speaker 3: Now let the healing continue.
55:07
Speaker 4: You came in head carry in the pain, but God
55:13
Speaker 4: stepped in and called your name.
55:18
Speaker 3: What was broken he can restore.
55:24
Speaker 6: He's open healing like never or tears made for.
55:32
Speaker 4: Joy.
55:33
Speaker 5: Wah paid his way again up inside.
55:42
Speaker 3: Every wound, every scot, every hedden, thing laid at the
55:49
Speaker 3: feet of the king
55:53
Speaker 1: Left the heal it again