Latest / Dear Chelsea / Nicotine Grey with James McAvoy

Transcript

Nicotine Grey with James McAvoy · Dear Chelsea

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Okay, High and Mighty Tour, guys, is continuing.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: So please come and see me in San Francisco, November 7th.
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: And November 13th is Salt Lake. November 20th is Austin,
• 0:11
  Speaker 2: then Houston, and then Irving. November 20th, November 21st, and
• 0:15
  Speaker 2: November 22nd, I will be touring Texas. December 5th is Denver.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: December 6th, I am shooting my special in Vancouver, Canada.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: I have two shows that night. There are tickets available
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: for the second show. Then I'm going to Palm Beach, Florida,
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: December 16th by popular demand. Then Hollywood, Florida, December 17th.
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: And then two shows in Tampa, Florida on December 18th.
• 0:41
  Speaker 2: So I will see you guys on the road. Come
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: and see the High and Mighty Tour. I'll give you
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: some LSD.
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea.
• 0:52
  Speaker 3: Hello.
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: Welcome to the world. How are you?
• 0:55
  Speaker 4: I'm great because I got lots of snuggles from both
• 0:57
  Speaker 4: Doug and Denise today.
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: I know. Doug and Denise are getting along like a
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: house on fire. They're just like, they're wrestling.
• 1:04
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: And she's feisty. She's going to be a bitch. Yeah.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: I like what I'm seeing so far. Yesterday I had
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: my Sunday and I was exhausted. So I was like, okay,
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: I'm going to spend all day in bed. And they
• 1:15
  Speaker 2: were like, just wrestling in my room. Like, can we
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: please do something? And I was like.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: No, absolutely not. I did go see Miley. I went
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: to go see Miley at the Hollywood Bowl.
• 1:25
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: She fucking tore it up. It was awesome. It was
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: so much fun.
• 1:30
  Speaker 4: She, and she famously like doesn't tour. Which I never
• 1:33
  Speaker 4: really thought about before until, yeah.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: She does that luckily. Maybe she will tour now.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Speaking of touring, I am adding two dates in Jersey
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: City at the Lowe's Theater, December 12th. I'm shooting my
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: Netflix special, my next Netflix special. So tickets are on sale.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: It's pre-sale starting today with code special to get your tickets.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: We are discounting them so that you do not have
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: to pay a high premium to come to my special.
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: Two shows, 7 and 9.30, Jersey City, December 12th. I
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: will see you there, motherfuckers. And we have a real
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: hunk on the podcast today.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I talked to a couple of people about him,
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: and they had the nicest things to say about him,
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: as do I, after having spent time with him and
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: his masculinity, which I liked. You know him from Atonement,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: from X-Men, from Band of Brothers, and so much more.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: His directorial debut is called California Schemen. It's out everywhere tomorrow,
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: and he also stars in the upcoming supernatural drama, Faith.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: Please welcome James McAvoy. We were just getting into California scheming.
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: California scheming, which I asked him if that's his personal
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: story and he said no, but it's a little bit
• 2:44
  Speaker 2: analogous to your personal story. I mean, it's a true story.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: It's based on a true story, but it's not based
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: on your true story.
• 2:52
  Speaker 5: No, but there's definitely moments all over it that feel
• 2:57
  Speaker 5: like my story and feel like, not my story, but
• 3:00
  Speaker 5: my journey anyway. And I come in my country and
• 3:06
  Speaker 5: I come for this.
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: Scotland, everybody. If you can't recognize the accent.
• 3:10
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Is it a Glaswegian accent?
• 3:13
  Speaker 5: Is that how we say it? I'm Glaswegian.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: Yes, Glaswegian.
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: I think Scotland is one of the most romantic places
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: I've ever been to, by the way.
• 3:18
  Speaker 6: Really?
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: And I've never been there with a love interest.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: I've only been there like to perform or visit. Oh, actually,
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: that's not true. I did go once, but I find Scotland,
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: I know Scotland gets a rap.
• 3:29
  Speaker 5: It does.
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: About it not being beautiful, but Scotland is one of
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: the most beautiful places.
• 3:33
  Speaker 5: It's a stunning country. The weather. Yeah, the weather is bad,
• 3:35
  Speaker 5: but the land is stunning. And look, Edinburgh's a beautiful city.
• 3:40
  Speaker 5: I think Glasgow's got its own kind of beauty and
• 3:42
  Speaker 5: it's definitely got its own kind of energy. But yeah,
• 3:45
  Speaker 5: we get a kind of bad rap. Look, there's things
• 3:48
  Speaker 5: that you can't deny. You know, we're currently, we've claimed,
• 3:51
  Speaker 5: reclaimed the title as the drug death capital of Europe again.
• 3:55
  Speaker 5: And there's all these things that you're told about where
• 3:57
  Speaker 5: you come from and you're told them by the news,
• 4:00
  Speaker 5: you're told them by the movies that are made about
• 4:03
  Speaker 5: your places. For me, the movies made about the projects
• 4:07
  Speaker 5: or the council schemes that are like the one I
• 4:10
  Speaker 5: came from, and this is all over the world as well,
• 4:12
  Speaker 5: they're depressing as shit, you know what I mean? And
• 4:14
  Speaker 5: some of them are really good, they're excellent, but they're
• 4:17
  Speaker 5: usually really investigating the sort of pornography of poverty and
• 4:21
  Speaker 5: exploiting that. Anyway, I was like, why can't you be
• 4:23
  Speaker 5: in a rom-com if you're from, from a council scheme
• 4:25
  Speaker 5: why do you not get why do you not get
• 4:27
  Speaker 5: like sort of weird sci-fi comedies.
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: What is a council scheme when you say it Americanize
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: that for me oh oh when you're from okay the
• 4:34
  Speaker 2: projects okay got.
• 4:35
  Speaker 5: It social housing okay got it yes government housing yes
• 4:37
  Speaker 5: and I was like I walk out my door as
• 4:39
  Speaker 5: a kid and like my life is full of adventure
• 4:41
  Speaker 5: and possibility and people chasing me and my ass getting
• 4:44
  Speaker 5: kicked and ladies and women that I want to be
• 4:46
  Speaker 5: with and drink and yes drugs and just adventure, all
• 4:50
  Speaker 5: the stuff that goes into movies. And I never see
• 4:53
  Speaker 5: movies like that about projects or schemes. Ah, okay. So
• 4:57
  Speaker 5: that's why this true story, which comes from two people
• 5:01
  Speaker 5: in that environment trying to bust into show business, it's
• 5:04
  Speaker 5: not all about that, but it's kind of, it's a
• 5:06
  Speaker 5: reaction to... the way that those places and the people
• 5:10
  Speaker 5: from those places are portrayed sometimes.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Do you, do you, so it is analogous to
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: your story to some degree.
• 5:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: Tell us about your story. Like how did you, what
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: did you do?
• 5:21
  Speaker 5: I don't know what my story is, but I, but
• 5:24
  Speaker 5: I know that it's, I'm in it.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: This is your story.
• 5:28
  Speaker 5: I'm good in it. I'm really good at being me
• 5:29
  Speaker 5: in my story.
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 5:31
  Speaker 5: Like I say, I come from a cancer scheme in Glasgow.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: Did you have brothers and sisters?
• 5:36
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I've got a little sister, Joy, who's in the movie, actually.
• 5:39
  Speaker 5: She plays the bartender at the end.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, yeah, okay.
• 5:41
  Speaker 5: She's got a couple of lines and she always makes
• 5:43
  Speaker 5: me cry when she's up there. And I'm like, is
• 5:44
  Speaker 5: it because she's my sister? Is it because she's so warm?
• 5:47
  Speaker 5: She gives so much warmth, my sister. She's very brilliantly
• 5:51
  Speaker 5: and aptly named as Joy. And she's a really good actor.
• 5:54
  Speaker 5: She's in a big show back home called Two Doors Down.
• 5:57
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I know Two Doors Down.
• 5:58
  Speaker 5: You know Two Doors Down?
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I do know Two Doors Down, actually. I was
• 6:00
  Speaker 2: having a conversation with somebody about it the other day.
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: That's really funny.
• 6:04
  Speaker 5: Well, Joy's the neighbor who's, she's probably the, I think
• 6:08
  Speaker 5: she's the youngest woman in it. She's got blonde hair.
• 6:10
  Speaker 1: Wow, you two sound like two nepo babies. Look at you.
• 6:13
  Speaker 5: We ain't no nepo babies. We've never, I don't think
• 6:15
  Speaker 5: there's anybody in our family that's ever been in the arts.
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: That's so weird that two of you would end up
• 6:19
  Speaker 1: in the arts without parents that are in the arts.
• 6:21
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: It's the opposite of a nepo baby.
• 6:23
  Speaker 5: I know, I know. What is that?
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: It's an open baby.
• 6:26
  Speaker 5: It's an industry baby. Climbing the ladder baby? I don't know. No,
• 6:31
  Speaker 5: she's amazing. And we grew up, we were brought up
• 6:34
  Speaker 5: by my mother and my grandparents. And I don't know
• 6:38
  Speaker 5: what I was going to do. I was going to be,
• 6:39
  Speaker 5: I was thinking about joining the Navy. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:43
  Speaker 5: I just wanted to get out. I wanted to go
• 6:44
  Speaker 5: explore the world. And then I thought I'd try acting.
• 6:47
  Speaker 5: I'd been in a movie when I was 16. This
• 6:49
  Speaker 5: happened out of the blue. There was no acting class
• 6:51
  Speaker 5: or anything like that.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: How did it happen out of the blue?
• 6:54
  Speaker 5: In English class, we were reading and studying Macbeth, not
• 6:57
  Speaker 5: performing it, just reading it out loud and talking about it.
• 7:00
  Speaker 5: You know, the way Shakespeare's never been intended. It's not
• 7:04
  Speaker 5: meant to be read. and it might be spoken but
• 7:07
  Speaker 5: um that's.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Like when I tried to read the Iliad or the
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: Odyssey I was like oh let me go read the
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: Odyssey before I see the Odyssey page turner meanwhile I'm
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: like what the fuck is this language I'm like this
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: is prose it's worse than prose yeah but nobody told
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: me about that and I'm like how you take that
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: book and make it into something like that you need
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: like eight translators to explain what's happening.
• 7:26
  Speaker 5: Yeah anyway the teacher that I had Jenny she her
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: next door neighbor was a well-known actor director philanthropist all
• 7:34
  Speaker 5: around like good guy in Glasgow, and he'd famously played
• 7:37
  Speaker 5: Lady Macbeth in an all-male production of Macbeth in the 70s.
• 7:41
  Speaker 5: He came in, chatted to us, took some stick from
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: the boys in the class. I went up to him
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: because I was like, I'd seen him in a movie
• 7:48
  Speaker 5: with Arnold Schwarzenegger, you know? And I was like, dude,
• 7:51
  Speaker 5: is there any chance next time you're making a movie,
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: can I come and make the tea or make the
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: coffee or whatever? So you had to all do work
• 7:57
  Speaker 5: placement for a week. And I said, yeah, sure. So
• 7:59
  Speaker 5: he phoned the school back about six months later. He says,
• 8:01
  Speaker 5: that wee guy there, They sent me over and he
• 8:05
  Speaker 5: gave me a script. He went, go away and read that.
• 8:07
  Speaker 5: Come back tomorrow. And I came back tomorrow and I went,
• 8:08
  Speaker 5: you see the part of Kevin, Kevin Savage. He said,
• 8:13
  Speaker 5: you're going to read that and I'm going to read
• 8:15
  Speaker 5: the other guy. And I was like, I'd never done
• 8:18
  Speaker 5: any acting class or nothing. And he said, that was good.
• 8:21
  Speaker 5: That was really good. He said, can you make yourself
• 8:22
  Speaker 5: cry next time? And I was like, I don't know.
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: And we did it. And because I'm emotionally incontinent, I
• 8:28
  Speaker 5: was like, and he was like, all right, cool. And
• 8:31
  Speaker 5: he took me out of the room, put his arm
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: around me and was like, This is the guy that's
• 8:33
  Speaker 5: going to play Kevin. Can we get him into costume
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: and do some fittings? And then in walked this actor.
• 8:37
  Speaker 5: I'm an actor now for roughly 90 seconds. And then
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: walked this actor into the production office. And I was like,
• 8:44
  Speaker 5: I know that guy. Because he was in a kid's
• 8:46
  Speaker 5: TV program playing a saxophone, playing mountain bike riding, crime
• 8:51
  Speaker 5: fighting parcel courier in London in a TV show called Streetwise.
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: And it was Andy Serkis. And Andy walked in and
• 9:00
  Speaker 5: he went, and I started talking. I was like, you're
• 9:02
  Speaker 5: Andy Serkis. He went, oh, is this guy from Glasgow?
• 9:04
  Speaker 5: I was like, I know he's from Drum Chapel. He's
• 9:06
  Speaker 5: from a scheme. And he went, is there any chance
• 9:08
  Speaker 5: I could sit with you? He said, play a Glaswegian.
• 9:10
  Speaker 5: And he was like, is there any chance I could
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: sit with you and just like, you know, record your accent?
• 9:14
  Speaker 5: I was like, excellent. So I've been an actor for
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: 90 seconds. I'm sitting down teaching Andy Serkis how to
• 9:19
  Speaker 5: suck eggs.
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: Becoming a dialect coach, basically.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: So with a Scottish accent that you have, what is
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: the easiest accent for you to do?
• 9:28
  Speaker 5: Oh, I don't know. I mean, like, you know, I
• 9:32
  Speaker 5: grew up, there's not a ton of output from Scotland,
• 9:37
  Speaker 5: whether it's television or film. Everything that we see in
• 9:39
  Speaker 5: film is English or American. So those are the accents
• 9:43
  Speaker 5: you hear every day growing up in your life. And
• 9:45
  Speaker 5: it doesn't mean that every Scottish person can do English
• 9:48
  Speaker 5: and American easily, but I would suggest it's easier for
• 9:51
  Speaker 5: us to do you than it is for you to
• 9:53
  Speaker 5: just immediately be able to do.
• 9:55
  Speaker 6: Us.
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: Well, nobody's able to do a Scottish accent. I mean,
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: have we ever heard, oh, I guess Mel Gibson did one.
• 9:59
  Speaker 5: Mel Gibson did all right.
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: Did he do one at Braveheart?
• 10:02
  Speaker 5: We would criticize it, but he did all right.
• 10:04
  Speaker 2: I mean, when I think about Mel Gibson doing that,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: I forgot, I was like, because it could have been
• 10:08
  Speaker 2: one of those movies where you get away without doing
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: the accent, you know, where all of a sudden everyone
• 10:11
  Speaker 2: speaks American and you're like, like what?
• 10:14
  Speaker 4: I was going to say like the Odyssey where they
• 10:15
  Speaker 4: even made the Brits have an American accent.
• 10:16
  Speaker 7: I still haven't seen it.
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: I still haven't seen The Odyssey, actually, because I haven't
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: finished the book.
• 10:20
  Speaker 5: The Brits have an American accent. Well, you've got to
• 10:22
  Speaker 5: pick one, right?
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, right.
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: Or you just go, everybody just be yourselves. I mean,
• 10:25
  Speaker 5: I remember it was The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
• 10:28
  Speaker 5: And was it set in Denmark? Yeah. Or Sweden? I
• 10:31
  Speaker 5: think it's Denmark. Yeah. And everybody is kind of doing it.
• 10:34
  Speaker 5: I don't know what I'm doing. It's like I was
• 10:35
  Speaker 5: fucking Russian. But like everybody's doing a kind of bit
• 10:38
  Speaker 5: of Danish-ified. Do you know what I mean? Except Daniel
• 10:40
  Speaker 5: Craig just went, that's stupid. I'm just doing me. And
• 10:42
  Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, I get it. You should.
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: Can you do an Australian accent?
• 10:46
  Speaker 5: Yes, esh. But Australians would probably go, no, you can't.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's hear something in an Australian accent.
• 10:51
  Speaker 5: I don't know. What would you like me to say?
• 10:54
  Speaker 5: I don't know. Like sometimes when people say to me,
• 10:55
  Speaker 5: you've got to do an accent and you're like, I
• 10:57
  Speaker 5: can do this. I can do this for like 90
• 10:59
  Speaker 5: seconds when I'm on my own. Yeah. But the minute
• 11:02
  Speaker 5: that I start to riff, it just goes out the
• 11:05
  Speaker 5: fucking window.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: It's like me and my Spanish basically.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: I can do Spanish for about 90 seconds before I
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: start panicking.
• 11:11
  Speaker 5: Do you know the worst thing I hear is when
• 11:12
  Speaker 5: you see an actor do an interview. And somebody goes like,
• 11:15
  Speaker 5: can you do an accent? And you go, well, yes,
• 11:17
  Speaker 5: I can actually. And do you know the thing about
• 11:19
  Speaker 5: this accent? Is that it's actually, you really go to like,
• 11:22
  Speaker 5: accentuate the R's or whatever, and you're kind of going,
• 11:24
  Speaker 5: oh God, actors wanking about acting.
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: It's pretty tricky to see straight men specifically. It's hard
• 11:30
  Speaker 2: to hear anyone, like I understand acting is a craft.
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: I understand there is a lot of effort that goes
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: into it. But as a bystander, it is pretty sickening
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: to watch people talk about it seriously for such a
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: length of time.
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean?
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: Because it's more fun to talk about what's going on
• 11:47
  Speaker 2: with you as a person to get a little color
• 11:49
  Speaker 2: to why you're such a good actor rather than hear
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: you talk about fucking acting. And anybody who really wants
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: to sit around and talk about acting is eventually really
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: fucking annoying.
• 11:58
  Speaker 1: And that's just the way it is.
• 11:59
  Speaker 5: I love acting and I love and I will talk
• 12:02
  Speaker 5: to actors about acting all day long. But I hear you, man.
• 12:05
  Speaker 5: It's like the end product is the thing that's interesting. Right.
• 12:09
  Speaker 5: Our process or our little dance that we do or
• 12:11
  Speaker 5: our little mind games that we play is like, ah,
• 12:13
  Speaker 5: who cares?
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: But don't you think you also get to a point
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: in your career where it's kind of, I don't know,
• 12:17
  Speaker 2: maybe I feel like this and maybe this is singular
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: to me, but like as far as comedy goes, like
• 12:21
  Speaker 2: stand up, like when people ask me questions seriously about
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: creating a stand up routine or an hour or a
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: special or something, I don't really want to talk about that.
• 12:30
  Speaker 1: I just find it to.
• 12:31
  Speaker 2: Be a little bit like it's not that serious.
• 12:34
  Speaker 1: It's like you're telling stories, right?
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: So I would think like once you get good enough
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: at something, it actually becomes less interesting.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: To talk about.
• 12:42
  Speaker 5: Yeah. And also as well, I feel like you spend
• 12:45
  Speaker 5: the first sort of 10 years of your career, maybe
• 12:48
  Speaker 5: less if you're really good, like sort of clawing at
• 12:51
  Speaker 5: handholds and footholds and like this is my technique and
• 12:54
  Speaker 5: this is what I'm wrestling. And Stanislavski and like Meisner
• 12:57
  Speaker 5: and fucking The Method and all that. And then after
• 13:00
  Speaker 5: a while you start to internalize all that stuff and
• 13:02
  Speaker 5: it becomes more instinctual. And I'm actually less able to
• 13:05
  Speaker 5: talk about it now because I don't have like technique
• 13:09
  Speaker 5: that I'm relying on that's conscious. It's just more like
• 13:12
  Speaker 5: you're just kind of, like you said, telling a story actually.
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, because could you imagine sitting here with Robert De Niro, sorry,
• 13:18
  Speaker 2: Bobby De Niro, and being like, tell us how to
• 13:20
  Speaker 2: get into character.
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: He'd be like, fuck off. He doesn't have any patience
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: for that, to talk about that. And I respect that.
• 13:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah, me too.
• 13:28
  Speaker 1: I like that.
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: Okay, so let's talk about some of your favorite movies
• 13:31
  Speaker 2: that you've been in without talking about the acting process.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: First of all, have you forgiven Saoirse Ronan?
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: Saoirse. Saoirse.
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: Saoirse Ronan. It's a beautiful name if you can get
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: it right.
• 13:43
  Speaker 5: I mean, I've heard some real bastardizations of it, like Swarcy. Hey, Swarcy,
• 13:48
  Speaker 5: why didn't you come on in?
• 13:49
  Speaker 2: Which is right around the corner from Swastika, so people
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: should not be saying Swarcy.
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: Seriously. Have you forgiven her for the ending of Atonement?
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: Oh, my.
• 13:58
  Speaker 5: No, that film gets me still. And sometimes I think
• 14:01
  Speaker 5: about those characters and I get upset. That film is
• 14:02
  Speaker 5: so beautiful. I think it's one of the best things.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: Beautiful film.
• 14:05
  Speaker 5: It's one of the best things I've ever done. Joe
• 14:07
  Speaker 5: Wright did an incredible job on that. What a brilliant book.
• 14:11
  Speaker 5: Maybe the most faithful book adaptation, not ever, but I've
• 14:15
  Speaker 5: been in anyway. And I've been in a lot of
• 14:17
  Speaker 5: book adaptations.
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: Yeah, what other book adaptations have you been in? One
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: other one.
• 14:22
  Speaker 5: Last King of Scotland.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: That was a great fucking movie too.
• 14:25
  Speaker 5: That was a good film. I liked that a lot.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: The Last Station.
• 14:29
  Speaker 5: Oh yeah, do you know the Zadie Smith novel? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:33
  Speaker 5: White Teeth. Yes. His Dark Materials. I've done tons more. Filth,
• 14:37
  Speaker 5: which is one of the movies that I'm most proud
• 14:39
  Speaker 5: of as well. I'd say Atonement and Filth are the
• 14:41
  Speaker 5: two movies and performances, maybe not Atonement performance, but the
• 14:45
  Speaker 5: movie itself that I'm most proud of.
• 14:47
  Speaker 2: What about if you could pick a group of superheroes
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: that would save us from AI, would you choose X-Men
• 14:54
  Speaker 2: or the Avengers?
• 14:57
  Speaker 1: All of our lives depended on it.
• 14:59
  Speaker 5: I mean, I've got to be honest here. I'd say
• 15:01
  Speaker 5: the Avengers because they seem to have people in their
• 15:03
  Speaker 5: kind of ranks that are more like tech savvy than
• 15:05
  Speaker 5: the X-Men.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: That's a good answer.
• 15:08
  Speaker 5: They can do a good like Excel spreadsheet and all that,
• 15:10
  Speaker 5: you know?
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Right. That's actually pertinent. So do you spend a
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: lot of time in Los Angeles?
• 15:17
  Speaker 5: No.
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: You don't live here?
• 15:18
  Speaker 5: No. I mean, I think I've shot here a couple
• 15:20
  Speaker 5: of times for like a week here and a week there.
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: What do you think of Los Angeles?
• 15:23
  Speaker 5: I think it's a city that I would take a
• 15:27
  Speaker 5: long time to come to grips with. However, I think
• 15:29
  Speaker 5: that it reminds me a lot of London in some ways.
• 15:32
  Speaker 5: I know that sounds crazy because they're so different. They're
• 15:34
  Speaker 5: both cities that don't have high rises. They didn't build
• 15:38
  Speaker 5: up the way like Manhattan. They spread. So they both
• 15:41
  Speaker 5: get this like low rise spread. And it takes you
• 15:44
  Speaker 5: forever to get anywhere, which in a weird way kind
• 15:47
  Speaker 5: of isolates you sometimes. And you spend a lot of
• 15:50
  Speaker 5: time traveling to work or to people. And the effort
• 15:55
  Speaker 5: put into it, I think, makes people stay in a
• 15:57
  Speaker 5: wee bit more. I think they're harder to penetrate than
• 16:00
  Speaker 5: cities like Glasgow, Philly, that I know well, and New York.
• 16:04
  Speaker 1: Why do you know Philly well?
• 16:06
  Speaker 5: My wife's from Philly. Oh, she's from Delco.
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's cool.
• 16:10
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm like a Plastic Eagles fan.
• 16:13
  Speaker 5: But in those times, I feel like you go into
• 16:17
  Speaker 5: a bar and you do go like, hey, man, can
• 16:19
  Speaker 5: I get a such and such? And somebody's, you know,
• 16:21
  Speaker 5: invariably 10 minutes might be the limit. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So,
• 16:25
  Speaker 5: you know, I'm doing this and that. What do you do?
• 16:27
  Speaker 5: Like there's a bit more, like I've made friends in
• 16:30
  Speaker 5: those cities. And I find London quite, it's quite hard.
• 16:35
  Speaker 5: I'm not dissing London. I love London. I've lived there
• 16:37
  Speaker 5: for 26 years.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: You've lived there?
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 16:39
  Speaker 5: 27 years, actually, yeah. And I'm not one of those Scots.
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: So a lot of Scots are down on London. I
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: can't wait to get back up the fucking road.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Well, Scots are down on a lot of things. Yeah, thematically.
• 16:50
  Speaker 5: I'm a chirpy guy. I'm a cheerful chirpy guy.
• 16:53
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I just say Scots like to keep to themselves.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: There's not a lot of Scottish people roaming around the world.
• 17:00
  Speaker 5: Well, do you know what? I feel like the Irish
• 17:03
  Speaker 5: diaspora is sort of celebrated and very, very evident The
• 17:08
  Speaker 5: Scottish diaspora isn't. And it's not as big as the
• 17:12
  Speaker 5: Irish one because the potato famine forced people out in
• 17:14
  Speaker 5: a way that, in Scotland, we weren't forced out quite
• 17:17
  Speaker 5: so much like that. It was a longer, insidious, kind
• 17:20
  Speaker 5: of more stealth, kind of hostile takeover. But I don't
• 17:26
  Speaker 5: know what that is. I do sometimes think, because I
• 17:27
  Speaker 5: think we're very similar people as Celts and as Irish
• 17:32
  Speaker 5: and Scottish cousins. We're almost the same people, but There
• 17:36
  Speaker 5: is a sort of joy, joie de vivre for the Irish.
• 17:40
  Speaker 5: That's the kind of label we put on them. And
• 17:42
  Speaker 5: it's not what gets put on the Scots. And I
• 17:44
  Speaker 5: don't know why, because I think if you're looking to
• 17:46
  Speaker 5: have a party, like Glasgow's the place.
• 17:49
  Speaker 6: Yes.
• 17:49
  Speaker 5: Do you know what I mean?
• 17:50
  Speaker 1: I do.
• 17:50
  Speaker 5: I've been to parties there. They start tours, like I
• 17:53
  Speaker 5: think it was, what was it? Beyonce and Jay-Z started
• 17:57
  Speaker 5: their worldwide joint tour in Glasgow.
• 17:59
  Speaker 1: Did they?
• 17:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah, because everybody starts their tours in Glasgow and Cardiff
• 18:03
  Speaker 5: are the two cities in Wales. Because they just know
• 18:06
  Speaker 5: it's going to like, they could go out and like
• 18:08
  Speaker 5: fart on a lighter and people are like, yes! I mean,
• 18:13
  Speaker 5: to be honest with you, if Jay-Z and Beyonce farted
• 18:15
  Speaker 5: on a lighter, I would stand in cheer for them.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: You would still be interested.
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that there is. There's a definite like,
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: who was it? Craig Ferguson. He was our, who came
• 18:25
  Speaker 2: over and he left too. He came over to America
• 18:27
  Speaker 2: and he was like, I've had it after a while.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: He lived here in LA.
• 18:30
  Speaker 2: He was one of my favorite people to do interviews
• 18:32
  Speaker 2: with when he had his late night show.
• 18:33
  Speaker 5: Did you ever do it?
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: Three or four times yeah he's funny he was fast
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: yeah he's funny and sober so we had nothing to
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: talk about funny and sober yeah sober well he used
• 18:42
  Speaker 2: to have a drinking problem so I mean I guess
• 18:44
  Speaker 2: everyone from Scotland you could say has a drinking problem
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: but that's a really I don't know what place doesn't
• 18:49
  Speaker 2: drink I get I guess Muslim places you know like
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: I mean who doesn't have um like a culture of
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: alcohol like most places do unless you're in Arab countries
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: or in the Middle East somewhere.
• 18:59
  Speaker 5: Right I think look I think you're right I'm not
• 19:01
  Speaker 5: looking to ever perpetuate stereotypes about Scottish people I've been
• 19:07
  Speaker 5: offered roles that do that and I don't take them
• 19:09
  Speaker 5: because of that. At the same time, you've got to
• 19:11
  Speaker 5: kind of understand and know, why is there a stereotype?
• 19:13
  Speaker 5: Because usually there's some sort of truth in it. And
• 19:17
  Speaker 5: I'm not saying that all Scottish people drink tons and
• 19:20
  Speaker 5: all that, but at the same time, I think there
• 19:22
  Speaker 5: are certain realities about my country, about the way that
• 19:26
  Speaker 5: it's been handled, that the second class citizenry as a
• 19:29
  Speaker 5: part of the UK, that not just us, but Wales,
• 19:33
  Speaker 5: Northern Ireland, and Scotland suffer, and even parts of England.
• 19:35
  Speaker 1: You guys are trying to separate now, Scotland, right?
• 19:38
  Speaker 5: We tried to in 2015, is it? 2016, we had
• 19:41
  Speaker 5: the referendum. We nearly got it across.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: But isn't that happening again? I feel like it's happening again.
• 19:46
  Speaker 5: We're pushing for it. We're pushing for it. And, you know,
• 19:50
  Speaker 5: there is no legal. I guess there's like, all right,
• 19:53
  Speaker 5: you made it a law that we can't do this again.
• 19:54
  Speaker 5: But that's weird as well. You're saying to a whole
• 19:57
  Speaker 5: bunch of people they can't vote on their sovereignty. Yeah,
• 20:01
  Speaker 5: I think that I said it at the time. I
• 20:04
  Speaker 5: think it was poorly led last time. And the leader
• 20:08
  Speaker 5: of the national party who is leading it just didn't
• 20:13
  Speaker 5: have answers. He spoke really well in headlines and just
• 20:16
  Speaker 5: didn't have any detail. There was a point where he
• 20:18
  Speaker 5: was doing one of those, you know, like the leader
• 20:20
  Speaker 5: stands on a plinth and they kind of battle each other.
• 20:21
  Speaker 5: And he said, what's going to happen with the currency?
• 20:24
  Speaker 5: Are we going to keep the UK pound? Are we
• 20:26
  Speaker 5: going to go into the euro? Euro might not let
• 20:29
  Speaker 5: us in. What are we going to do? I mean,
• 20:30
  Speaker 5: we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And
• 20:32
  Speaker 5: we're like, we're fucking standing on the bridge, motherfucker. I
• 20:36
  Speaker 5: think shit like that lost the vote.
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: Oh, wow.
• 20:42
  Speaker 5: And it was marginal. We marginally remained in the UK.
• 20:44
  Speaker 5: And don't get me wrong. I live in London. My
• 20:47
  Speaker 5: kids are English. It's like, I'm not down in England.
• 20:51
  Speaker 5: I'm just like, even the English, I'm like, why do
• 20:53
  Speaker 5: you want us? Do you know what I mean?
• 20:54
  Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you want them?
• 20:56
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: So you met your wife. Did you meet her in Philly?
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: Where did you guys meet?
• 21:03
  Speaker 5: I met her in Philly. We worked on, she used
• 21:06
  Speaker 5: to run M. Night Shyamalan's film company. She was like
• 21:10
  Speaker 5: head of operations there. And I did two movies with Night.
• 21:13
  Speaker 5: And yeah, we got together after that.
• 21:16
  Speaker 1: And then you convinced her to move to London?
• 21:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I said, if you don't move to London, this
• 21:20
  Speaker 5: is over. Yeah, because I've got a kid over there
• 21:25
  Speaker 5: from a previous relationship. So I couldn't.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: And so how many kids do you have? Just one
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: or two? Now you have another one with your wife.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: And so, okay. So you're a father.
• 21:34
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: And has that had an impact on your acting?
• 21:43
  Speaker 5: No, I don't think so. I don't know. Uh, no.
• 21:46
  Speaker 2: Well, if you were able to cry naturally so easily
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: on the first day of your acting career, I mean,
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: I want to know what you were thinking about when
• 21:53
  Speaker 2: you were able to cry that quickly. Like what did
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: you must've had a little anxiety about going in there
• 21:58
  Speaker 2: and being able to pull the trigger and make it
• 22:00
  Speaker 2: happen on command.
• 22:01
  Speaker 5: I've had a massively active imagination for my entire life. And, um,
• 22:06
  Speaker 5: and also I'm quite, uh, empathetic doesn't necessarily mean I'm compassionate. Um,
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: but I'm empathetic and I have been since quite a,
• 22:14
  Speaker 5: I'd say a fairly remarkable age. I've been sort of
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: sensitized to what other people are going through. So when
• 22:21
  Speaker 5: I ended up in a situation where I was acting
• 22:22
  Speaker 5: in something, even though I'd never done any acting before,
• 22:27
  Speaker 5: I was sort of ready for it in a way.
• 22:30
  Speaker 5: And it's best when, this is actors talking about acting,
• 22:34
  Speaker 5: but it does explain why I did okay in that
• 22:36
  Speaker 5: first audition, I think. At its best, what I love
• 22:39
  Speaker 5: when I'm acting is when they say action, like you
• 22:41
  Speaker 5: don't try and do it and you're trying to work.
• 22:44
  Speaker 5: You're not really doing techniques or anything. You're just like,
• 22:46
  Speaker 5: you're a person and this situation could happen to you.
• 22:50
  Speaker 5: And it's not that you have to imagine that it's
• 22:52
  Speaker 5: happening to you. There is a guy running at me
• 22:54
  Speaker 5: with a knife. All right. Maybe he's not going to
• 22:57
  Speaker 5: put it in my face, but like that is actually
• 23:00
  Speaker 5: happening to me. It's not hard to imagine. I don't
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: have to imagine. The things I'm saying are the things
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: I'm fucking saying. There's no acting.
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: Which is why I don't think it's a conversation talking
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: about acting because you're talking about instinct and you're talking
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: about being a human being reacting to a situation. It's
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: not a method of acting. But also, wait, I want
• 23:19
  Speaker 2: to go back to what you just said that you
• 23:20
  Speaker 2: have empathy. You had empathy, but you're not sure you
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: have as much compassion because I have the opposite.
• 23:26
  Speaker 1: When I went to a.
• 23:27
  Speaker 2: Psychiatrist for the first time in my life at 40
• 23:29
  Speaker 2: years old, I discovered that I was very compassionate, but
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: I lacked empathy. So you're saying the opposite is true
• 23:37
  Speaker 2: for you or has been?
• 23:39
  Speaker 5: I have empathy to the point where it's like, I
• 23:40
  Speaker 5: think empathy is sort of highlighted as something that is
• 23:43
  Speaker 5: like a positive quality and like empathy without compassion is
• 23:46
  Speaker 5: kind of pointless because you're going like, oh God, that
• 23:48
  Speaker 5: person's going through this terrible thing. You can still then go,
• 23:51
  Speaker 5: don't give a shit. But just because I'm able to
• 23:53
  Speaker 5: understand and imagine what it's like to walk in your
• 23:55
  Speaker 5: shoes doesn't mean I'm going to be charitable or kind.
• 23:58
  Speaker 5: The compassion needs to come in after that. I do
• 24:00
  Speaker 5: think I can be charitable and kind. I do think
• 24:02
  Speaker 5: I do have compassion, but I feel like the compassion
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: is sometimes a choice. And it's something that's to do
• 24:07
  Speaker 5: with selflessness a lot of the time as well. But
• 24:11
  Speaker 5: the empathy definitely helps me being an actor.
• 24:14
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 24:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: I would imagine.
• 24:16
  Speaker 2: I think I'm reading that there's been a couple of
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: times that you've been told you were wrong for a
• 24:19
  Speaker 2: part because you were too small.
• 24:21
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 24:22
  Speaker 5: Which is fine. And it's like, look, there's some parts
• 24:25
  Speaker 5: that I've told myself I'm too short to play. I'm like, yeah,
• 24:28
  Speaker 5: I want a guy who's six foot five in that role.
• 24:30
  Speaker 1: But there's so many actors that are small.
• 24:33
  Speaker 5: I know. Do you know, my mate had a really
• 24:35
  Speaker 5: funny theory about why small actors do better. And I
• 24:38
  Speaker 5: don't think small actors do do better necessarily. But his
• 24:41
  Speaker 5: theory behind it was brilliant. He's like, well, because when
• 24:43
  Speaker 5: you're on stage, if you're really tall, you're always like this, right?
• 24:49
  Speaker 5: But that's closing down your body and your energy to
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: the audience. When you're really short, you're like this. So
• 24:55
  Speaker 5: your energy is kind of open going out to the audience.
• 24:57
  Speaker 5: And he says, plus, if you're short, you've usually got
• 25:00
  Speaker 5: quite a big head, which means it's quite easy to
• 25:03
  Speaker 5: identify you. And I was like, why do short people
• 25:05
  Speaker 5: always have big heads? He's like, I don't know. It's
• 25:07
  Speaker 5: just the way it is, man. And I don't know
• 25:10
  Speaker 5: if that's true. I don't think short people do have
• 25:11
  Speaker 5: big heads. I think I've got a rather small head.
• 25:14
  Speaker 5: But I loved that explanation. I thought it was great.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: I think your head goes nicely with your body. I
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: don't think it's big or small.
• 25:20
  Speaker 5: I think the ridiculous size of my hair right now
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: compensates for my tiny noggin. No, I think I'm proportional.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: Are you growing your hair out?
• 25:27
  Speaker 5: I did a TV show. I had hair extensions. They
• 25:29
  Speaker 5: were like, we need to do a marketing shoot. I
• 25:30
  Speaker 5: was like, great. When are we going to do that? Oh,
• 25:32
  Speaker 5: we don't know. We'll do it next week. And it's
• 25:33
  Speaker 5: like four months later. And they keep moving it. And
• 25:36
  Speaker 5: I'm like, so I just need to keep growing it.
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: That must have been humiliating to have to wear hair extensions.
• 25:41
  Speaker 5: No, it was quite good, actually.
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: I used to wear those and they were humiliating. And
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: even when I look at pictures, I'm humiliated by them.
• 25:48
  Speaker 5: Was it a choice to wear them?
• 25:50
  Speaker 2: Yeah, it was just to have longer hair and thicker hair.
• 25:53
  Speaker 2: And then I outgrew that. And I'm like, listen, this
• 25:55
  Speaker 2: is what I got.
• 25:55
  Speaker 5: Mine's obviously to play this alcoholic drug addict. It's a comedy.
• 26:00
  Speaker 5: But you know Frankie Boyle?
• 26:02
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 26:02
  Speaker 5: Yeah, Frankie Boyle wrote a book called Meantime and we
• 26:04
  Speaker 5: turned it into a TV show. It'll be out hitting
• 26:06
  Speaker 5: TVs next year.
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: Oh, that's fun. When is that going to be on?
• 26:10
  Speaker 5: I think it will be April, March or April, something
• 26:13
  Speaker 5: like that.
• 26:14
  Speaker 1: Is it on BBC or is it on?
• 26:15
  Speaker 5: It's Sky. It's Sky TV. They usually partner up with,
• 26:19
  Speaker 5: they often partner up with HBO over here, but I
• 26:21
  Speaker 5: don't know. We'll see who it is when it comes
• 26:22
  Speaker 5: over here. Anyway, I decided that to play this kind
• 26:25
  Speaker 5: of Jakey guy, which is, we call it a Jake.
• 26:28
  Speaker 5: You guys call it like a tramp or something like
• 26:29
  Speaker 5: that or a kind of junkie or whatever. I'd have
• 26:32
  Speaker 5: a man bun. Anyway, so that's why I got the
• 26:35
  Speaker 5: hair extensions put on.
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: And was it the color of your hair? The natural
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: color of your hair?
• 26:39
  Speaker 5: Nicotine gray.
• 26:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 26:42
  Speaker 5: That was me.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: That's the name of this episode. Nicotine gray.
• 26:47
  Speaker 5: I like that.
• 26:48
  Speaker 2: Have there been any roles in movies that you haven't
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: gotten that you were real, that you really, or that
• 26:52
  Speaker 2: you passed on? Not that you didn't get because of
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: your height or because of your accent, something that you
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: passed on that you've seen and were like, shit, that
• 26:59
  Speaker 2: was a mistake.
• 27:01
  Speaker 5: Oh, that's a good question. Um, No, I don't think so.
• 27:06
  Speaker 5: Not too much. There was, no, not that it was
• 27:09
  Speaker 5: a mistake. The stuff that I've passed on that I
• 27:11
  Speaker 5: knew I wasn't right for, that I thought was great.
• 27:14
  Speaker 5: And when it came out, I'm like, I'm glad I
• 27:16
  Speaker 5: passed that because that guy rocks. The one I always remember,
• 27:19
  Speaker 5: I never properly passed it because I was never offered
• 27:20
  Speaker 5: it properly. I got approached to play a part in
• 27:23
  Speaker 5: the new Star Trek years ago when they were first, J.J.
• 27:26
  Speaker 5: Abrams was first doing it and J.J. wanted me to
• 27:28
  Speaker 5: play a part and I was like, I don't want
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: to play that part. He says, I'll play Kirk. And
• 27:32
  Speaker 5: he went, do you want to come and camera test?
• 27:33
  Speaker 5: And I was like, I was like, because I'm wrong
• 27:36
  Speaker 5: for it. And when they got Chris Pine, I was like,
• 27:40
  Speaker 5: this is exactly what I thought should be doing it.
• 27:43
  Speaker 5: He was so good in that first one. He's a
• 27:46
  Speaker 5: great actor. And because in my head, I was like,
• 27:49
  Speaker 5: it should be like the quarterback, like high school quarterback. Well,
• 27:52
  Speaker 5: he's gone a bit fucked up. and he's like you just.
• 27:58
  Speaker 2: Gave us a little Russell Crowe there oh yeah yeah
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: that was a little Russell.
• 28:02
  Speaker 7: Crowe but yeah and anyway bloody black he was amazing
• 28:09
  Speaker 7: so there's been times where it's never where I've turned
• 28:12
  Speaker 7: it down I'm glad I've turned it down but I
• 28:14
  Speaker 7: can't remember one that I'm like oh Christ I should.
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: Have done that okay what do you like to drink
• 28:18
  Speaker 2: I don't anymore you're sober Oh.
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: God, another one.
• 28:22
  Speaker 6: I know.
• 28:23
  Speaker 1: Another one bites the dust.
• 28:25
  Speaker 5: Do you know what happened? Like lockdown. I'm not blaming
• 28:27
  Speaker 5: it on the lockdown, but yeah, it went all through.
• 28:29
  Speaker 5: It was a wee bit.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Well, that's what a lot of people got sober after lockdown.
• 28:32
  Speaker 2: It's so funny that everyone started drinking during lockdown because.
• 28:35
  Speaker 1: I was like, there's nothing to drink. Nobody's around. Why
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: are we all drinking?
• 28:39
  Speaker 5: Here's the thing though. Like before previously, before that kind
• 28:43
  Speaker 5: of time in my life, I would never, I would
• 28:44
  Speaker 5: never think to have alcohol in the house. I'd never
• 28:47
  Speaker 5: buy it. I'd drink like a fish sometimes when we're
• 28:49
  Speaker 5: out on a night out. Or if there were people
• 28:51
  Speaker 5: coming over, I'd make sure we had wine and beer
• 28:53
  Speaker 5: or whatever. And I'd never think to just like have
• 28:56
  Speaker 5: stuff to make drink drinks in the house. And during
• 28:59
  Speaker 5: lockdown that changed. And so it was always a social
• 29:02
  Speaker 5: thing for me. It was always like when I'm with people,
• 29:04
  Speaker 5: I can have a drink and that's great. And then
• 29:07
  Speaker 5: it just started to be like, I would have a
• 29:08
  Speaker 5: drink of my own. And it didn't get like crazy,
• 29:10
  Speaker 5: crazy bad, but I was like, I need to nip
• 29:12
  Speaker 5: this in the bud.
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: And so you just quit cold turkey? Yeah.
• 29:16
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 29:17
  Speaker 5: Wow.
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: All of the people from that side of the world
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: seem to have the most to drink and then are
• 29:24
  Speaker 2: able to stop it whenever.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: They feel like it.
• 29:26
  Speaker 5: Look, it's not as easy as that. It is a struggle.
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: Was it a struggle?
• 29:30
  Speaker 5: It wasn't to begin with. There's been times over the
• 29:34
  Speaker 5: last sort of like, it's nearly two, was it coming
• 29:36
  Speaker 5: up in two years year and year and a half
• 29:38
  Speaker 5: where um where i've struggled more with it times of
• 29:42
  Speaker 5: stress yeah it's just so like obvious times of emotional
• 29:46
  Speaker 5: stress emotional sort of upset that's that's when i'm like
• 29:50
  Speaker 5: oh my god i could do with a fucking three
• 29:53
  Speaker 5: fingers of vodka do.
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: You know what i mean What do you think about
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: the public aspect of your job? Like, what do you
• 29:58
  Speaker 2: think about having to come and do stuff like this, podcast, press,
• 30:02
  Speaker 2: promotional stuff?
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: Like, is that something that you are annoyed by or
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: do you, like, how do you feel about all that?
• 30:09
  Speaker 5: I've never been annoyed by it.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 30:10
  Speaker 5: I've always seen it as people, because the chat is
• 30:13
  Speaker 5: always like, oh my God, you must be so bored
• 30:14
  Speaker 5: of this or you must hate this. And I'm like, no,
• 30:17
  Speaker 5: it's usually people, fairly nice people chatting away. And because
• 30:20
  Speaker 5: we don't have to do so many of those five minute,
• 30:23
  Speaker 5: five minute, five minute, five minute, 500 of them a
• 30:25
  Speaker 5: day junket interviews because they seem to be a thing
• 30:28
  Speaker 5: of the past a little bit it's actually nicer you
• 30:31
  Speaker 5: get to have conversations like this and it's a little
• 30:34
  Speaker 5: bit more varied being away from your family because you
• 30:36
  Speaker 5: don't get paid for this stuff um being away from
• 30:39
  Speaker 5: your family all the time is that's a bit of
• 30:41
  Speaker 5: a pain in the arse but no it's fairly pleasant
• 30:43
  Speaker 5: actually i find and you're usually in some like far-flung
• 30:46
  Speaker 5: place and a nice enough hotel the flow in your
• 30:48
  Speaker 5: business it's like it's not the worst way to sort
• 30:51
  Speaker 5: of like sell your wares you know Yeah, yeah.
• 30:54
  Speaker 1: I like that attitude about it.
• 30:56
  Speaker 2: It is a nice way because now, you know, there
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: is something very put on about like, you know, being
• 31:02
  Speaker 2: on late night shows where you have to have a
• 31:04
  Speaker 2: funny story and it's like, and that feels very fraudulent
• 31:07
  Speaker 2: or not.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: It just feels generic, right?
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: But this whole podcast world and the way they're doing
• 31:14
  Speaker 2: press now is different than what it was even 10
• 31:16
  Speaker 2: years ago.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: And I actually, I agree with you.
• 31:19
  Speaker 2: I'd rather sit down and have a conversation with somebody
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: rather than be like have all this stuff lined up
• 31:23
  Speaker 2: because it's like it's nice to walk in and not
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: know what the fuck you're going to talk.
• 31:26
  Speaker 5: About absolutely and people are always they're always trying to
• 31:30
  Speaker 5: prep you and like it'll go like this and then
• 31:32
  Speaker 5: he'll say this and then you can take it to
• 31:33
  Speaker 5: that nice anecdote and then blah blah and some of
• 31:36
  Speaker 5: them you're like I've done that anecdote like 12 times
• 31:38
  Speaker 5: in the last five years you know what I mean
• 31:39
  Speaker 5: I'll wheel that one out again and um and it's
• 31:42
  Speaker 5: fine I get it it's the way those ones work
• 31:44
  Speaker 5: and it's also because it's on network they need to
• 31:46
  Speaker 5: be careful and kind of know what you're going to
• 31:48
  Speaker 5: say but I'm always like, I prefer to just shoot
• 31:51
  Speaker 5: the breeze and sort of see where it goes, you know?
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: What is your favorite thing about growing up in Scotland?
• 31:56
  Speaker 5: Oh, wow.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: I think watching this movie, you can see what you
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: like about Scotland and it captures the essence of what.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: You were describing.
• 32:05
  Speaker 5: I grew up in the council estate or the council
• 32:09
  Speaker 5: scheme or the project that the boys come from in
• 32:11
  Speaker 5: this film is different from the one I grew up
• 32:13
  Speaker 5: in a little bit. That one in this film is
• 32:16
  Speaker 5: like in the city itself on a hill perched above
• 32:18
  Speaker 5: the city. The one that I come from, Drumchapel, was
• 32:22
  Speaker 5: they took everybody from the slums in the centre of
• 32:25
  Speaker 5: the city, knocked the slums down, and they moved like
• 32:27
  Speaker 5: 80,000 people to the edge of the city. So what
• 32:30
  Speaker 5: that meant is that you've got this urban development for
• 32:33
  Speaker 5: 80-odd thousand people in two schemes with a massive valley
• 32:38
  Speaker 5: and a kind of stream, or as we call it,
• 32:40
  Speaker 5: a burn, that goes through the middle of it. But
• 32:43
  Speaker 5: the two schemes perched on the top of the hill
• 32:44
  Speaker 5: at either side. It was like fucking epic. and there's
• 32:48
  Speaker 5: like a word over there, the blue bell woods and
• 32:49
  Speaker 5: the Campsey Hills, not quite mountains, but the Campsey Hills
• 32:52
  Speaker 5: were like coming out of the trees at the back.
• 32:54
  Speaker 5: And like, not only did it look beautiful and all that,
• 32:56
  Speaker 5: because parts of drum chapel weren't beautiful and still aren't, but, um,
• 33:01
  Speaker 5: it's epic. And that's what like my life felt like
• 33:04
  Speaker 5: going out. It's why I shot the Dundee part of
• 33:07
  Speaker 5: this film on anamorphic lenses. And I made it quite
• 33:10
  Speaker 5: sort of big country as opposed to starting small and
• 33:13
  Speaker 5: a kind of like social housing scheme. And, um, I'd
• 33:16
  Speaker 5: go out my door and I'd just feel like anything
• 33:19
  Speaker 5: could happen. It's like walking out the door in New York.
• 33:21
  Speaker 5: Do you know that feeling when you're in New York
• 33:22
  Speaker 5: and you're like, I can't in this place get energy?
• 33:24
  Speaker 5: It was like that. And yeah, bad stuff happened. Like,
• 33:27
  Speaker 5: really bad stuff happened. But there was like flight and
• 33:32
  Speaker 5: peril and chases. And the amount of times I got
• 33:35
  Speaker 5: chased and got my ass kicked.
• 33:36
  Speaker 6: Really?
• 33:37
  Speaker 5: But at the same time, it was kind of like,
• 33:39
  Speaker 5: it was exciting. And a couple of that with a,
• 33:42
  Speaker 5: you know, a pretty... I wouldn't say overactive imagination, but
• 33:45
  Speaker 5: a pretty sort of engaged imagination. The possibilities were endless,
• 33:50
  Speaker 5: you know. And the stories in my head always, one
• 33:52
  Speaker 5: of my favorite things to do is go to bed
• 33:54
  Speaker 5: at the end of the night. And I'd be excited
• 33:56
  Speaker 5: to go to bed to kind of, and I'd have
• 33:58
  Speaker 5: to be like, I'd have to choose what it is
• 34:00
  Speaker 5: I wanted to think about. Because like, you're so many
• 34:03
  Speaker 5: things bubbling in your brain. Like, I want to think
• 34:05
  Speaker 5: about this tonight. And you just sit and look at
• 34:07
  Speaker 5: the sky, at the ceiling and like, think, think, think, think, think.
• 34:10
  Speaker 2: It makes you wonder what people who grow up who
• 34:12
  Speaker 2: are just born rich and in these mansions have.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: To dream about.
• 34:15
  Speaker 7: You know what I mean?
• 34:16
  Speaker 2: Because I remember growing up and always daydreaming and thinking
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: about where I was going. And I didn't come from
• 34:20
  Speaker 2: anything similar to what you came from, but I didn't
• 34:23
  Speaker 2: have what I wanted.
• 34:24
  Speaker 1: I didn't have the life. But the dreams are born
• 34:27
  Speaker 1: out of a desire to be in a different place, right?
• 34:29
  Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah. Yes, yes.
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: And so if you're born with everything, what do you
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: have to dream about when you lie down at.
• 34:34
  Speaker 1: Night in your bed?
• 34:35
  Speaker 5: And I loved, don't get me wrong, I loved what
• 34:38
  Speaker 5: I grew up, but I did have this Dreaming of
• 34:40
  Speaker 5: another place thing, huge. I was always thinking about getting
• 34:43
  Speaker 5: away and seeing the world. I'm not proud of where
• 34:45
  Speaker 5: I come from and I didn't think it had good
• 34:47
  Speaker 5: things in it. I knew there was this world outside
• 34:51
  Speaker 5: the borders of this place that I was sort of
• 34:54
  Speaker 5: like kept in, socially, kind of sort of economically kept in.
• 34:58
  Speaker 5: And I wanted to go and visit that. And that's,
• 35:01
  Speaker 5: you know, this career that I've been lucky enough to
• 35:03
  Speaker 5: have has absolutely delivered that dream.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and this is your first directing job. This is
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: your directorial debut. So this was, did.
• 35:13
  Speaker 1: You write this film?
• 35:14
  Speaker 5: No, no, no, by no means. Two writers, Archie and Elaine,
• 35:18
  Speaker 5: and I worked with them over the course of a
• 35:20
  Speaker 5: couple of years. While we were finding the money, it's
• 35:23
  Speaker 5: this weird thing. You get a script you want to
• 35:24
  Speaker 5: do and you go, oh my God, this is perfect.
• 35:26
  Speaker 5: I can't wait to make it. And then you spend
• 35:27
  Speaker 5: the next two years like tinkering with it and changing
• 35:29
  Speaker 5: it a bit. Just tightening, tightening, focusing the story on
• 35:32
  Speaker 5: the elements that are really important. And then by, so
• 35:35
  Speaker 5: by the time we found the money, I'd had two
• 35:38
  Speaker 5: years with the writers just developing and yeah, and it
• 35:42
  Speaker 5: was off to casting and finding these young people, like
• 35:45
  Speaker 5: two of whom, it was their second jobs. When I,
• 35:48
  Speaker 5: I mean, when I cast Seamus who plays Gavin, it
• 35:50
  Speaker 5: was his first job. Lucy, who's amazing. She's in the
• 35:53
  Speaker 5: Testaments at the moment. They kind of, you know, she's
• 35:56
  Speaker 5: trying to infiltrate Gilead. She, it was her second job. So,
• 36:01
  Speaker 5: You're really looking for relative unknowns and relative rookies, you know?
• 36:07
  Speaker 5: So that was a long search.
• 36:09
  Speaker 2: And then you're in it, and James Corden is in
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: it too.
• 36:12
  Speaker 5: The film wouldn't have happened without James Corden.
• 36:13
  Speaker 6: Really?
• 36:14
  Speaker 5: Yeah. We lost some finance at the 11th, like six
• 36:18
  Speaker 5: weeks before we started shooting, and we found a new financier.
• 36:21
  Speaker 5: It was great. But they were like, we need a
• 36:22
  Speaker 5: cameo in it. And I'm like, I'm in it. What
• 36:24
  Speaker 5: are you talking about? And they were like, no, we
• 36:26
  Speaker 5: need another one. So there was no role that would interest,
• 36:30
  Speaker 5: I think, an actor of great note. So we were
• 36:33
  Speaker 5: like frantically scrambling, trying to like augment this scene with
• 36:37
  Speaker 5: a record label exec to make it funnier and bigger
• 36:40
  Speaker 5: and more of like, you know, demonstrative. And I'm going
• 36:43
  Speaker 5: through every fucking actor I've ever met or worked with.
• 36:46
  Speaker 1: In my career.
• 36:47
  Speaker 5: Totally. I was like, I will come over and blow you.
• 36:54
  Speaker 5: You don't want me to do that.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: You'll pay me not to do that. You blew James Corden?
• 36:59
  Speaker 5: No, he was charitable. but the list of people who
• 37:02
  Speaker 5: nearly did this role is nuts but the first person
• 37:05
  Speaker 5: to come and say I can do this for you
• 37:07
  Speaker 5: was James and so I'm going to be in his
• 37:09
  Speaker 5: TV show that he writes with Ruth Jones the choir
• 37:12
  Speaker 5: he wrote Gavin and Stacey with her oh yeah but
• 37:16
  Speaker 5: he put it in his contract he was like I'll
• 37:18
  Speaker 5: do this for you but part of the contract was
• 37:20
  Speaker 5: that I had to agree contractually to come and do
• 37:22
  Speaker 5: it for him one day so I've just done it
• 37:24
  Speaker 5: that's cute so we got James but if we hadn't
• 37:26
  Speaker 5: got James that financier I don't think they would have
• 37:28
  Speaker 5: given us the money and we wouldn't have a film Oh, wow.
• 37:32
  Speaker 5: That's cute.
• 37:32
  Speaker 1: I like that. Okay, we take some callers for this
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: part of the interview. Is this live?
• 37:42
  Speaker 4: Well, I mean, it'll be edited, but there will be
• 37:45
  Speaker 4: people calling in.
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: There's real people that are live.
• 37:48
  Speaker 4: Wait on your headphones, but this first one is just
• 37:50
  Speaker 4: a read.
• 37:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, we give advice on this podcast.
• 37:53
  Speaker 5: Really?
• 37:53
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 37:54
  Speaker 1: Dr. McAvoy is your new name.
• 37:56
  Speaker 4: Oh, no.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: And pharmacist handler. I'm a pharmacist, so don't worry about it.
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: I can handle anything that you can't.
• 38:02
  Speaker 5: Got it. Are you really a pharmacist?
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: No.
• 38:04
  Speaker 1: I'm a farm-to-table gynecologist.
• 38:07
  Speaker 5: Are you? No. I will believe anything you say.
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: I said three different things in a row. Doctor, gynecologist,
• 38:13
  Speaker 1: and then I said no. Gynecologist, I said no.
• 38:16
  Speaker 5: No, you said farm-to-table gyno.
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: Farm-to-table gyno. But think about it. What is that?
• 38:20
  Speaker 5: I know.
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: I love it.
• 38:22
  Speaker 5: I'm trying to figure it out. Farm-to-table gynecologist. It's, yeah,
• 38:26
  Speaker 5: like you're a gynecologist for cattle?
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: For, yeah, I guess. Cattle, grains, beef, meat. Meats? Meats?
• 38:35
  Speaker 5: Loose meats?
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: Loose meat gyno.
• 38:37
  Speaker 5: Cold cuts, great job.
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: Melanie says, dear Chelsea, what are your quote unquote professional
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: thoughts on ketamine? My husband recently went to a bachelor party,
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: tried ketamine and loved it. He knew I'd get FOMO
• 38:51
  Speaker 4: and brought some home.
• 38:52
  Speaker 1: For us to try together. Wow, what a thoughtful.
• 38:54
  Speaker 5: Yeah. We have limited.
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: Experience with drugs besides a little college weed smoking, edibles,
• 38:59
  Speaker 4: and mushrooms from my friend's basement once. But before I
• 39:02
  Speaker 4: try it, I'm dying to know what our pharmaceutical guru,
• 39:04
  Speaker 4: Chelsea Handler, thinks about ketamine. Thanks, Melanie.
• 39:07
  Speaker 2: Okay, I have a hot ketamine take. I'm assuming you've
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: never done ketamine because you're sober now. Okay, because it's
• 39:13
  Speaker 2: new on the scene.
• 39:14
  Speaker 5: I still do drugs, but I'm not sure.
• 39:15
  Speaker 1: Well, that's what a lot of sober people do.
• 39:17
  Speaker 5: Yeah, California dries up.
• 39:19
  Speaker 2: But it should be given a different name. assignation than
• 39:22
  Speaker 2: California sober. Because California sober is like old. We need
• 39:25
  Speaker 2: to update that. Maybe it's Scottish sober or something. Because
• 39:28
  Speaker 2: you shouldn't have to not do drugs just because you're
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: not drinking.
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? There are certain drugs that
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: are not addictive. Like a little weed here and there, whatever.
• 39:34
  Speaker 2: But my thoughts on ketamine, I'm not for ketamine. I
• 39:37
  Speaker 2: don't like dissociative drugs. I don't like when you don't
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: feel like you're in your body. So ketamine, like in
• 39:42
  Speaker 2: a party vibe, a lot of people like it. It's
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: going around. It's all over the place. Whenever I'm somewhere
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: with drugs, there's ketamine. But I am not a fan.
• 39:51
  Speaker 2: So I can only speak from my own experience. I
• 39:53
  Speaker 2: don't like that drug. I don't like the way it
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: makes me feel. It makes me feel like I'm a
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: little dead. And you're not in your body. You're not
• 40:00
  Speaker 2: in your body. I like to be like up and
• 40:02
  Speaker 2: at it. So that's my vibe on ketamine. And James
• 40:05
  Speaker 2: can't really speak to it.
• 40:07
  Speaker 5: Never tried it.
• 40:08
  Speaker 1: What do you think about drugs in general? What do
• 40:12
  Speaker 1: I think about drugs in general?
• 40:14
  Speaker 5: He's Scottish, he likes them. I never swore off any
• 40:18
  Speaker 5: kind of substances other than alcohol. But I am finding
• 40:23
  Speaker 5: the more and more I'm older, I'm not looking for
• 40:26
  Speaker 5: an altered state. Because I'm more and more comfortable in
• 40:29
  Speaker 5: my state. And I think one of the things that
• 40:32
  Speaker 5: not drinking has done is make me realize what the substance...
• 40:37
  Speaker 5: of alcohol was taken away and my ability to enjoy
• 40:41
  Speaker 5: the little things, not the little things that's reductive, but
• 40:45
  Speaker 5: the unexciting things. Cause not everything that's great and fun
• 40:49
  Speaker 5: and enjoyable in life is exciting. It's not adrenaline fueled necessarily.
• 40:54
  Speaker 5: But because of the level of sort of adrenaline I
• 40:57
  Speaker 5: was chasing, cause I was constantly spiking my adrenaline with
• 41:01
  Speaker 5: a substance. It was making the enjoyable stuff that isn't
• 41:04
  Speaker 5: adrenalized really hard to connect with. So I was able
• 41:08
  Speaker 5: to just connect with my life again and a bit more.
• 41:11
  Speaker 5: So I'm actually a bit scared of fucking with that.
• 41:14
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: That's a very eloquent way to put it.
• 41:16
  Speaker 2: What you're, what a lot of people talk about when
• 41:18
  Speaker 2: they give up alcohol is a similar kind of thought,
• 41:21
  Speaker 2: but the way you put it makes it seem a
• 41:23
  Speaker 2: attractive because that is nice, you know? And it is
• 41:27
  Speaker 2: important because I think a lot of drinking for a
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: lot of people comes out of ennui. You're just in
• 41:31
  Speaker 2: a fucking state of boredom and you don't know what
• 41:33
  Speaker 2: else to do. So you're like, I guess I'll have
• 41:35
  Speaker 2: a drink.
• 41:35
  Speaker 5: I think that's why a lot of people did it
• 41:37
  Speaker 5: in lockdown because it was, we were like, this is great.
• 41:39
  Speaker 5: We're also chill, but like also kind of bored.
• 41:42
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 41:43
  Speaker 7: Right.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: So it's nice to, I like what you said about
• 41:46
  Speaker 2: appreciating like the boring things, you know, the non-stimulating things,
• 41:50
  Speaker 2: because that is where a lot of the beauty lies
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: and we skip past that stuff all the time.
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: So that's nice.
• 41:56
  Speaker 2: But so to our person who wrote in, you know,
• 41:59
  Speaker 2: that's just the way I feel about ketamine. But if
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: you want, I mean, there's no harm in trying something,
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: but yeah, it's not my drug.
• 42:04
  Speaker 4: Is it something you can do in a low dose
• 42:06
  Speaker 4: to start?
• 42:07
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you can snort it, I guess. That's what people do.
• 42:09
  Speaker 1: They snort it. All right.
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I just, Also, snorting something just at this stage in
• 42:14
  Speaker 2: my life is not attractive.
• 42:16
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean? The ship has kind of
• 42:19
  Speaker 1: fucking sailed on that. We'll cut to next weekend. I'll
• 42:21
  Speaker 1: be in London at the Churchill Firehouse.
• 42:25
  Speaker 4: Well, Melanie, let us know what you do.
• 42:27
  Speaker 1: Our first caller today.
• 42:28
  Speaker 5: So we are.
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: We need our headphones for this one. This is Christine.
• 42:32
  Speaker 1: For James McAvoy's therapy session.
• 42:34
  Speaker 5: My wig is going to get all messed up.
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: You just have to act like a therapist. Right, exactly.
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: Your wig.
• 42:41
  Speaker 6: Oh, no.
• 42:42
  Speaker 5: Oh, no, guys.
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: Your wig is still.
• 42:44
  Speaker 5: It's still on?
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah, it's still situated.
• 42:47
  Speaker 4: Well, Christine says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 30-year-old female tackling
• 42:51
  Speaker 4: the dating world. I've spent a lot of time traveling
• 42:53
  Speaker 4: 30-plus countries, backpacking, living abroad. That is a huge part
• 42:57
  Speaker 4: of who I am and what I continue to look
• 42:58
  Speaker 4: for in a partner, guy or girl. They do not
• 43:01
  Speaker 4: necessarily need to have traveled as extensively, but need to
• 43:04
  Speaker 4: be open to.
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: Breaking their passport. I like that, guy or girl. I
• 43:06
  Speaker 1: love how open everyone is. This is awesome. And seeing
• 43:09
  Speaker 1: new places.
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: Yes.
• 43:10
  Speaker 4: I've recently been on the dating apps, and I think
• 43:12
  Speaker 4: I'm pretty open. Recently, I matched with a guy who
• 43:15
  Speaker 4: was great at conversation, curious, asking questions, funny, keen to
• 43:19
  Speaker 4: meet up. But then I mentioned I was house-sitting for
• 43:22
  Speaker 4: a couple while they went to travel Europe for three weeks,
• 43:24
  Speaker 4: and he asked if they were seeing all of Europe
• 43:26
  Speaker 4: in those three weeks.
• 43:27
  Speaker 1: I immediately got the ick.
• 43:29
  Speaker 4: Maybe it's not common knowledge that seeing Europe will in
• 43:31
  Speaker 4: fact take much longer than three weeks.
• 43:33
  Speaker 5: It's huge.
• 43:34
  Speaker 4: He admitted geography wasn't a strength of his, but I.
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: Was like, where is she going with this?
• 43:40
  Speaker 5: So basically you don't want somebody, you want somebody who
• 43:42
  Speaker 5: studied geography. A geographer, if you will.
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: It's kind of like a farm to table gynecologist. Farm
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: to table geographer.
• 43:52
  Speaker 4: But I'm not sure if I even want to continue
• 43:54
  Speaker 4: talking anymore. Am I being too petty and picky? Do
• 43:57
  Speaker 4: I need to cool it and just see how it
• 43:59
  Speaker 4: goes in person? Or am I right in wanting to
• 44:01
  Speaker 4: move on from this guy? And I guess this is
• 44:03
  Speaker 4: a general question about ics as well. I quickly get
• 44:06
  Speaker 4: the ick and try to look past it, but sometimes
• 44:08
  Speaker 4: I just can't. How do you handle ics in the
• 44:10
  Speaker 4: talking stage?
• 44:11
  Speaker 5: Thanks, Christine. Just wait for that silent stage.
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: The ick is real. Hi, Christine.
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: Hi.
• 44:19
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 44:20
  Speaker 1: This is our special guest. James McAvoy is here.
• 44:22
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 44:23
  Speaker 7: Nice to meet you.
• 44:24
  Speaker 5: You too, pal.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: I think that you're being pretty judgmental. Right out of
• 44:27
  Speaker 2: the gate. I totally get it. Like, I would be
• 44:30
  Speaker 2: icked out by that too, but like, That's just a
• 44:32
  Speaker 2: little tiny thing. And it was also in, yeah, I
• 44:37
  Speaker 2: think you got to give people a little breathing room.
• 44:40
  Speaker 2: You know, sometimes people act in a way when they
• 44:42
  Speaker 2: meet someone that is not representative of who they are
• 44:45
  Speaker 2: and they can communicate in a way.
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: It's like a little bit of a nervous tick.
• 44:49
  Speaker 2: Like I met somebody a couple weekends ago, a friend
• 44:53
  Speaker 2: brought a friend somewhere and this woman just was annoying.
• 44:57
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh God, I wish I didn't
• 44:58
  Speaker 2: find this woman annoying. And then once she loosened up,
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: she was the fucking coolest woman I've met in a
• 45:04
  Speaker 2: really long time. because she just was a little bit
• 45:06
  Speaker 2: weird in the beginning. And like, you got to remember
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: that people act differently. Like, I don't believe the first
• 45:11
  Speaker 2: impression is the right impression. I don't believe that. People
• 45:14
  Speaker 2: don't act like they normally are the first time you
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: meet them all the time. So I would have a
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: little slack for this guy. But you know, if it
• 45:21
  Speaker 2: continues on, obviously he's fired.
• 45:23
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.
• 45:26
  Speaker 3: But I feel like I don't know when it comes
• 45:29
  Speaker 3: to travel and just assuming like, oh, I don't know.
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: That was just a huge ick for me.
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: And I know listening to your podcast that you got
• 45:35
  Speaker 3: icked by someone who ate salsa. I know, I know.
• 45:39
  Speaker 2: But I am a definitely bad role model in that
• 45:41
  Speaker 2: respect because I have no tolerance.
• 45:43
  Speaker 5: There's whole countries of people that you can't go near.
• 45:47
  Speaker 5: You're culinarily racist.
• 45:51
  Speaker 2: Well, as a gynecologist, I can't practice in all these
• 45:55
  Speaker 2: countries anyway. My certification is only valid in certain parts
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: of the world. What did you respond to him when
• 46:02
  Speaker 2: he said that?
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: I mean, we were talking for a bunch of different topics.
• 46:06
  Speaker 3: So I just kind of brushed it off and was like, no,
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: they're going to see a big chunk of it because
• 46:11
  Speaker 3: it takes way longer than three weeks. He's like, oh yeah,
• 46:12
  Speaker 3: I didn't know.
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: It was like, Yeah, but he didn't... But yeah, because
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: maybe he didn't know specifically. You know what I mean?
• 46:17
  Speaker 2: I would just ignore that, continue on, and then see
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: when you meet him. There's this thing, James. I don't
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: know if you know about this. There's this thing called
• 46:23
  Speaker 2: the ick list. So are you on social media?
• 46:26
  Speaker 1: Do you do all that?
• 46:27
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I do a little bit.
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I've seen you on social media.
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: So, okay.
• 46:29
  Speaker 6: So.
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: There's a thing called the ick list, and you know
• 46:32
  Speaker 1: what the ick is, right?
• 46:33
  Speaker 5: Yeah, something that makes you go, oh, I don't like that.
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, right.
• 46:36
  Speaker 2: But girls have it worse than guys have it. We
• 46:39
  Speaker 2: get pretty grossed out by little things.
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: It could be a belt.
• 46:41
  Speaker 6: Yeah, right.
• 46:42
  Speaker 1: It could be a belt. It could be hair extensions.
• 46:46
  Speaker 2: It could be the way you– there's a girl, she
• 46:50
  Speaker 2: runs this page, and it's called the ick list.
• 46:52
  Speaker 1: Have you seen this?
• 46:53
  Speaker 5: I have not.
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: It's so fucking funny. No, I'm going to look it
• 46:55
  Speaker 1: up now. It's so funny. These girls write in, and
• 46:57
  Speaker 1: they'll tell stories.
• 46:58
  Speaker 2: They'll be like, my boyfriend– went to go hail a
• 47:00
  Speaker 2: taxi and just the position of his body, she was like,
• 47:04
  Speaker 2: don't hail taxis. And one girl was like, oh, my
• 47:07
  Speaker 2: boyfriend got on a stepstool.
• 47:09
  Speaker 1: It's over.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: Like, don't get on stepstools. So you have to be
• 47:12
  Speaker 2: very careful as a man. You're lucky you're married. So,
• 47:15
  Speaker 2: you know, you're kind of in deeper.
• 47:16
  Speaker 5: Why don't they like to love in people's faults or
• 47:17
  Speaker 5: love in the imperfections as well? Because that's stuff that's
• 47:20
  Speaker 5: on the necklace. Here's the thing that I think, right?
• 47:22
  Speaker 5: oh god I sound like such a prick here's the
• 47:26
  Speaker 5: thing that I think about your issue as a young
• 47:28
  Speaker 5: woman and I'm going to tell you about it as
• 47:30
  Speaker 5: a man that's really interesting isn't it it is you
• 47:35
  Speaker 5: know that thing when you meet somebody and you don't
• 47:38
  Speaker 5: go like oh my god they're devastatingly unattractive but you
• 47:41
  Speaker 5: kind of go like you're a person that's it and
• 47:43
  Speaker 5: then you spend time and suddenly the level of attractiveness
• 47:48
  Speaker 5: of that person grows exponentially and And that's not that
• 47:52
  Speaker 5: they're physically changed or their pheromones are different. It's just
• 47:55
  Speaker 5: that you're interested in who they are. I feel like
• 47:58
  Speaker 5: the Ickless is kind of like the personality version of that,
• 48:01
  Speaker 5: where it's like the first thing I saw was a
• 48:03
  Speaker 5: thing I'm not interested in. But you can give room
• 48:06
  Speaker 5: for that person to reveal all the other things that
• 48:09
  Speaker 5: are just going to make that shit grow. And then
• 48:11
  Speaker 5: the other thing is, well, if you don't want to
• 48:12
  Speaker 5: have any Icks, you're basically saying you're looking for the
• 48:14
  Speaker 5: perfect partner. And they're going to be imperfect at some point.
• 48:18
  Speaker 5: And that's going to, so you've got a high threshold
• 48:20
  Speaker 5: for that person to fail or a low threshold for
• 48:22
  Speaker 5: that person to fail. Which one? High or low? Anyway.
• 48:25
  Speaker 6: Low.
• 48:25
  Speaker 5: I guess the imperfect, I like the imperfections or the failings.
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Well, I mean, that's a nice take, quite honestly, coming
• 48:32
  Speaker 2: from a straight man as well.
• 48:34
  Speaker 1: So it's a real surprise.
• 48:35
  Speaker 2: But I mean, you can't argue with that. It's kind
• 48:38
  Speaker 2: of the nicer way to be. Because, right, what are
• 48:40
  Speaker 2: we going to get? The perfect man?
• 48:42
  Speaker 1: We always say that. We're like, yeah, but they don't,
• 48:45
  Speaker 1: you know. But it's like we are asking for the
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: perfect guy.
• 48:48
  Speaker 5: We are going to disappoint you. Yeah. We are going
• 48:51
  Speaker 5: to disappoint you at some point. And it's probably going
• 48:52
  Speaker 5: to be quick and regular, early, and maintained.
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: Consistent. It's going to show up early and it's going
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: to be consistent.
• 48:59
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 48:59
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 49:01
  Speaker 5: She's done you a favor real early.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: There you go. I got to figure out real early.
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: This guy seems like a keeper all of a sudden.
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: Smooth sailing from here on out. That was it.
• 49:13
  Speaker 5: All right.
• 49:13
  Speaker 1: Well, let us know how it goes with him.
• 49:15
  Speaker 2: If you end up going out with him for a
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: few months, we want to hear about it.
• 49:18
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 49:19
  Speaker 1: I'll let you know. I'll keep you updated.
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: I might not.
• 49:21
  Speaker 5: I think this guy is going to turn up like,
• 49:24
  Speaker 5: in like three months time, you're going to transform him.
• 49:26
  Speaker 5: He's going to be on a beach in Sri Lanka
• 49:27
  Speaker 5: with like bongos and dreads. Like, I traveled the world
• 49:30
  Speaker 5: 13 times in three months. She said I couldn't do
• 49:32
  Speaker 5: Europe in three weeks.
• 49:33
  Speaker 1: She's like, look at me now. There's a new Braveheart
• 49:37
  Speaker 1: in town.
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: It's geographically different. I also love that you're open to
• 49:41
  Speaker 2: men and women. I just love how open everyone is
• 49:43
  Speaker 2: about their sexuality. Now, this is the way it fucking
• 49:45
  Speaker 2: should be. You know, like, especially for girls, like women
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: don't give a shit. We're just looking for to have
• 49:51
  Speaker 2: a good vibe.
• 49:52
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 49:52
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I love it. Okay. Keep us posted.
• 49:56
  Speaker 1: I will.
• 49:57
  Speaker 5: Thank you so much. I thought you said it's all
• 50:00
  Speaker 5: about the vibe and the least amount of cervix. And
• 50:03
  Speaker 5: I was like, what? You just said you were into
• 50:05
  Speaker 5: women as well.
• 50:06
  Speaker 7: I was like, what?
• 50:08
  Speaker 5: She's breaking it out.
• 50:09
  Speaker 2: Somebody said they, I was reading something last night and
• 50:12
  Speaker 2: it was saying, It was talking about all the female parts,
• 50:15
  Speaker 2: and it said, like, you need to know where your vulva,
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: your cervix, and I was like, I don't.
• 50:19
  Speaker 5: Sorry, you just said vulva and cervix? Ick.
• 50:21
  Speaker 3: Ick.
• 50:23
  Speaker 1: That's sexist, James.
• 50:24
  Speaker 5: That is, but right.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: You can't get the ick. That's only us.
• 50:26
  Speaker 5: But right.
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: Well, our next caller is Rebecca, and she says, Dear Chelsea,
• 50:39
  Speaker 4: I'm writing in hopes that you can help me find
• 50:40
  Speaker 4: the best way to support my ex during a hard
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: and confusing time. My mother-in-law recently passed away, and prior
• 50:46
  Speaker 4: to her passing, my ex did not have the best
• 50:48
  Speaker 4: relationship with her or the rest of his family. When
• 50:51
  Speaker 4: we found out she was terminally ill, he'd even gone
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: so far as to say he'd see her on the
• 50:54
  Speaker 4: other side. While she was in the hospital, he did
• 50:57
  Speaker 4: wind up seeing her a few days before she passed away.
• 51:00
  Speaker 4: The situation was really tough for me and my children,
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: and I found it very hard to be there for
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: him without trying to force him to communicate with his family.
• 51:07
  Speaker 4: Now that she's passed, it seems that communication with the
• 51:09
  Speaker 4: rest of his family has gone back to non-existent and
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: no services have been planned. I know this bothers him
• 51:14
  Speaker 4: as many people have asked about services, but when I
• 51:17
  Speaker 4: asked him if his siblings brought it up, he basically
• 51:19
  Speaker 4: says they didn't and brushes off the conversation. I know
• 51:22
  Speaker 4: it's something he wants and I don't want to continue
• 51:24
  Speaker 4: pushing him to talk to his family, but I want
• 51:27
  Speaker 4: him to feel like he has closure and I don't
• 51:29
  Speaker 4: know the best way to support him. How can he
• 51:31
  Speaker 4: move through the loss of a loved one he'd effectively
• 51:34
  Speaker 4: cut off before her passing and And should I continue
• 51:36
  Speaker 4: to encourage him to connect with his siblings?
• 51:38
  Speaker 1: Rebecca. Hi, Rebecca.
• 51:40
  Speaker 5: Hi.
• 51:41
  Speaker 7: Hi.
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: This is our very special guest, James McAvoy is here today. Hello.
• 51:46
  Speaker 6: Nice to meet you guys.
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: We needed some testosterone around here.
• 51:51
  Speaker 5: Clearly I'm like a bank of it. Do you know
• 51:54
  Speaker 5: what I mean? 47 years of testosterone in one podcast.
• 51:59
  Speaker 2: I think you should probably see yourself out of this situation, Rebecca.
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: Like, it seems slightly meddlesome. Like, it's your ex. It's
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: his mom.
• 52:09
  Speaker 2: It's his situation. He doesn't want to deal with it.
• 52:12
  Speaker 2: He didn't have a good relationship with it. Like, you
• 52:15
  Speaker 2: can't control that. And you're not even in his life anymore, really.
• 52:19
  Speaker 6: Well, we do have kids together. So it's also my
• 52:22
  Speaker 6: children's grandmother that passed.
• 52:24
  Speaker 1: Oh, right, right, right.
• 52:25
  Speaker 4: And I know you mentioned also when we had had
• 52:28
  Speaker 4: a pre-interview that they're very close. Like, she and her
• 52:30
  Speaker 4: ex are very close. Like you said, almost best friends, right?
• 52:33
  Speaker 5: Yes. Yeah.
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So they're still really in communication.
• 52:37
  Speaker 6: I mean, we, we share children together and she lived
• 52:40
  Speaker 6: with us for multiple years and you know, my, my
• 52:44
  Speaker 6: kids were very close to her obviously. So it's, it's,
• 52:47
  Speaker 6: it's more, it's my trying to help him, but also
• 52:52
  Speaker 6: trying to help my kids in the same.
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: Right.
• 52:54
  Speaker 5: I'm going to give you a male perspective.
• 52:57
  Speaker 6: Yeah.
• 52:57
  Speaker 1: Go ahead. Sperm bank.
• 52:59
  Speaker 5: Let's go. Here we go. Get ready. I might do
• 53:00
  Speaker 5: some pushups.
• 53:01
  Speaker 3: Okay.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: You don't need to. I mean, we believe you.
• 53:04
  Speaker 5: The situation that you've described is like, he's, he's clearly
• 53:07
  Speaker 5: got stuff going on and issues that, that have resulted
• 53:11
  Speaker 5: in him not having a great relationship or not choosing
• 53:14
  Speaker 5: to have a, you know, a regular relationship with the
• 53:18
  Speaker 5: rest of his family. And what you're talking about doing
• 53:21
  Speaker 5: is essentially doing, is changing him and changing him into
• 53:26
  Speaker 5: somebody who is capable of that. And I just don't know.
• 53:30
  Speaker 5: I don't think you can change somebody. They got to, they,
• 53:33
  Speaker 5: You can't teach somebody something. They've got to learn it themselves.
• 53:35
  Speaker 5: Can't change somebody. They've got to evolve themselves. And you
• 53:39
  Speaker 5: can be there and listen to their troubles and help
• 53:42
  Speaker 5: ease their troubles. But I just don't think you can
• 53:44
  Speaker 5: force change in someone else's character or personality. Yeah.
• 53:47
  Speaker 2: And I think like, it's nice that you're his friend.
• 53:49
  Speaker 2: I would say like that you're so close and stuff,
• 53:52
  Speaker 2: but it's like, I'm echoing the same thing that he's saying.
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: Like, it's not your role.
• 53:57
  Speaker 2: You can demonstrate what it's like to actively miss and
• 54:01
  Speaker 2: grieve or honor her with your children without, you know,
• 54:05
  Speaker 2: your husband, or you can do that while he's there
• 54:07
  Speaker 2: so he can see you doing it. So that they
• 54:10
  Speaker 2: don't forget her since she was a part of your
• 54:12
  Speaker 2: life and your children's lives. But you can't enact what's
• 54:16
  Speaker 2: going to happen for him and repair his brain. So
• 54:18
  Speaker 2: it's like, I think it would be a better use
• 54:21
  Speaker 2: of your time just to demonstrate what actual honoring somebody
• 54:24
  Speaker 2: who's passed away is rather than trying to enforce it
• 54:29
  Speaker 2: upon him or try to bring him to the table,
• 54:32
  Speaker 2: so to speak. I just think that's futile. And you
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: have kids, so your time is better spent with them anyway,
• 54:38
  Speaker 2: you know?
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: And let him go through his process. You're not in
• 54:41
  Speaker 1: charge of him.
• 54:42
  Speaker 2: And you know, even if it was your best friend,
• 54:45
  Speaker 2: which you're saying it is like, even if it was
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: your best and it was a female, like you can't
• 54:49
  Speaker 2: make somebody do something because of the way you're seeing
• 54:52
  Speaker 2: their situation. You kind of have to, your eyes got
• 54:55
  Speaker 2: very deep there for a second.
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: You seem entranced.
• 54:58
  Speaker 5: I'm just thinking about like what we just said about,
• 55:00
  Speaker 5: you can't tell us, you can't change somebody. And yet we,
• 55:03
  Speaker 5: you seem to be somebody who thinks you can change somebody.
• 55:05
  Speaker 6: Right.
• 55:06
  Speaker 5: I'm not judging you for that, by the way. Um,
• 55:09
  Speaker 5: And we'll try to change you by telling you you
• 55:10
  Speaker 5: can't do that. We'll try to do to you what
• 55:12
  Speaker 5: we're saying don't do to your ex-husband. And so the
• 55:15
  Speaker 5: reason I got deep there, because I was just thinking
• 55:17
  Speaker 5: about like, how would we impart this in a way?
• 55:20
  Speaker 5: Is it through telling a story of experience of our
• 55:22
  Speaker 5: own rather than just saying you shouldn't do this? But
• 55:25
  Speaker 5: you are asking for straight up advice.
• 55:28
  Speaker 2: But I think there are ways you can honor your
• 55:31
  Speaker 2: late mother-in-law and ways that, and you can do that
• 55:33
  Speaker 2: while he's there, you know, and if he wants to participate,
• 55:36
  Speaker 2: that's great. You know, when there's Christmas or holidays or
• 55:39
  Speaker 2: her birthday or the anniversary of her death, if you
• 55:41
  Speaker 2: want to bring, do something special for the kids and
• 55:44
  Speaker 2: he can be included in that, but don't, it's almost
• 55:47
  Speaker 2: like do it, but don't bring him to the table.
• 55:50
  Speaker 2: Let him decide if he wants to participate or if
• 55:53
  Speaker 2: he wants to take on some.
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: Role in that.
• 55:56
  Speaker 2: But yeah, it's just, yeah, you can't, you can't make
• 56:00
  Speaker 2: people do things. And I don't think we're making her
• 56:03
  Speaker 2: change because she's not adamant about it. She's asking a question.
• 56:08
  Speaker 2: So I think it's a good question too.
• 56:10
  Speaker 1: I get it.
• 56:11
  Speaker 6: Well, and that's where I struggle with him too, because obviously,
• 56:14
  Speaker 6: you know, we raise children together and I know he
• 56:18
  Speaker 6: doesn't handle emotion. Well, he doesn't handle goodbye. Well, especially
• 56:21
  Speaker 6: permanent goodbye, but he's, When it comes to my children
• 56:27
  Speaker 6: and them wanting to understand that their father gets it,
• 56:33
  Speaker 6: that's part of the hard part. But also, I lost
• 56:38
  Speaker 6: my father prematurely and we didn't have a good relationship.
• 56:42
  Speaker 6: So even before his mom passed, I tried to tell
• 56:45
  Speaker 6: him multiple times, you need to salvage this relationship because
• 56:49
  Speaker 6: I know what it's like to lose somebody And not
• 56:53
  Speaker 6: have that contact. And he chose not to listen to me.
• 56:56
  Speaker 6: And that's fine. But it's just the whole spectrum of
• 57:01
  Speaker 6: now he has the opportunity to keep contact with at
• 57:05
  Speaker 6: least his family. And it doesn't seem like he's really
• 57:08
  Speaker 6: choosing to do so.
• 57:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but you're projecting your situation onto him. And that's
• 57:13
  Speaker 2: not fair either. You lost your dad. That's your set
• 57:16
  Speaker 2: of circumstances. And you're trying to make sure he doesn't
• 57:19
  Speaker 2: repeat what happened to you. It's two different situations. So again,
• 57:24
  Speaker 2: I'm saying this gently, but you should stay in your
• 57:27
  Speaker 2: lane with regard to this and just focus on the
• 57:30
  Speaker 2: children because those are the people who.
• 57:32
  Speaker 1: You can have an impact on. You know what I mean? Absolutely.
• 57:36
  Speaker 1: You're not going to change him.
• 57:37
  Speaker 2: So if you can influence them, you can have a
• 57:39
  Speaker 2: positive outlook about his mom and their grandmother and your
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: father and however you choose to do that.
• 57:47
  Speaker 1: That's on you. You do it. And leave him out
• 57:49
  Speaker 1: of it. That's not your responsibility. He's not your responsibility.
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: Your children are.
• 57:53
  Speaker 6: So, I mean, what would your advice be as far
• 57:56
  Speaker 6: as his siblings? Because now, you know, I know he
• 58:00
  Speaker 6: does want the family to have, like, some kind of
• 58:04
  Speaker 6: service for his mother, but he's also not pushing it.
• 58:07
  Speaker 6: It's like, it's more of a, they're not saying anything,
• 58:10
  Speaker 6: so I'm not going to say anything. But I know
• 58:12
  Speaker 6: he wants it.
• 58:13
  Speaker 1: I just... I know, but that he's not your kid.
• 58:17
  Speaker 1: He's not you. It's not your dominion.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: And like, I know it feels like this because you
• 58:21
  Speaker 2: have history with him and it's your, the father of
• 58:24
  Speaker 2: your kids, but this isn't your responsibility.
• 58:27
  Speaker 1: Like you have to step back. That's an action too.
• 58:33
  Speaker 2: And who knows what will happen without you trying to
• 58:37
  Speaker 2: make things happen.
• 58:38
  Speaker 5: There's a weird thing that happens sometimes, isn't it? When
• 58:41
  Speaker 5: you're really hurt or you're really sick and you do
• 58:44
  Speaker 5: need to go to the doctor. And somebody goes like,
• 58:46
  Speaker 5: you've got to get to the doctor. And the logic
• 58:49
  Speaker 5: of that is so apparent. And it immediately makes me
• 58:52
  Speaker 5: want to go like, I need to do the opposite
• 58:54
  Speaker 5: of what you're saying. I will not be told to
• 58:55
  Speaker 5: go to the doctor. And sometimes it's like that with advice.
• 58:59
  Speaker 5: Sometimes it's like that with advice as well. Everybody's telling
• 59:01
  Speaker 5: you what you've got to do. You've got to leave
• 59:03
  Speaker 5: this person. You've got to leave this woman. You've got
• 59:04
  Speaker 5: to leave that man. You've got to leave this town.
• 59:07
  Speaker 5: You've got to get out of this business. And it
• 59:08
  Speaker 5: makes you entrenched.
• 59:10
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 59:11
  Speaker 5: So weird. Yeah.
• 59:12
  Speaker 2: So especially if you guys have this dynamic, I would
• 59:14
  Speaker 2: really focus on separating yourself from his behavioral patterns and
• 59:20
  Speaker 2: his actions. I really think that your time would be
• 59:23
  Speaker 2: better spent just kind of demonstrating what you want for
• 59:26
  Speaker 2: him by doing it yourself. And that's not arranging a
• 59:30
  Speaker 2: funeral and that's not arranging how he communicates with his siblings.
• 59:33
  Speaker 2: You can still have a relationship with all those people
• 59:35
  Speaker 2: and with your kids independently, but you're not going to
• 59:37
  Speaker 2: be controlling his relationship.
• 59:39
  Speaker 1: And that's not your responsibility. It's just not.
• 59:42
  Speaker 2: I know you're trying to be a good person, but like,
• 59:44
  Speaker 2: it's not really about that. Sometimes meddling in other people's stuff.
• 59:49
  Speaker 2: it builds a resentment and you can get like a
• 59:52
  Speaker 2: result that's unwanted. So I would just really just focus
• 59:56
  Speaker 2: on like the positive vibes and honoring her in your
• 59:59
  Speaker 2: own way and without interfering in the way he's processing it.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 5: Okay.
• 1:00:04
  Speaker 6: Yeah. No, I hear what you're saying and you're right. Okay, great.
• 1:00:08
  Speaker 6: I have a history of doing that with him and
• 1:00:11
  Speaker 6: you're absolutely right.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 1:00:13
  Speaker 6: I need to just step back.
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: It's going to be good for you too.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: It also means the pressure is off of you.
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 1:00:18
  Speaker 2: You don't, like a fixer, somebody who wants to go
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 2: in and fix all the time sometimes isn't always doing,
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 2: I've been there.
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: I get it. I get it.
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 2: I totally can relate to you. So no shame, but
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 2: step back a bit, I would say.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 5: Yeah.
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: Okay, Rebecca, thank you, though, for calling and for being
• 1:00:35
  Speaker 1: so thoughtful.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 5: Thank you so much.
• 1:00:36
  Speaker 6: I really appreciate you guys so much.
• 1:00:39
  Speaker 1: Absolutely. Take care. Have a great day.
• 1:00:41
  Speaker 6: Take care.
• 1:00:42
  Speaker 3: Bye.
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 5: Bye. I feel in dangerous territory right here.
• 1:00:46
  Speaker 1: Because you're so masculine?
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 5: I might need to bust out 20 push-ups in a second.
• 1:00:52
  Speaker 2: I told you you didn't have to do any push-ups today, James.
• 1:00:54
  Speaker 2: We believe that you're a man.
• 1:00:56
  Speaker 5: Thanks. But no, just like offering advice to complete strangers.
• 1:01:00
  Speaker 5: I'm like, oh my God, this is crazy.
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: It's good. It's kind of serious.
• 1:01:04
  Speaker 5: Who the fuck do I think I am?
• 1:01:05
  Speaker 1: Well, it's not about who you think you are.
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 2: Don't you think sometimes when you need advice in a situation,
• 1:01:10
  Speaker 2: the best person to ask is the person who has no.
• 1:01:12
  Speaker 1: Skin in the game.
• 1:01:13
  Speaker 5: Sometimes a stranger does give you good advice. That's what
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 5: we're doing here. Yeah, that's true actually.
• 1:01:17
  Speaker 1: It's not like I have a degree. I mean, even
• 1:01:19
  Speaker 1: though you believe I have all sorts of degrees now.
• 1:01:21
  Speaker 5: You can take these off. I think you could be
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 5: any kind of professional in any medical. I love it.
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: I love your faith in me.
• 1:01:28
  Speaker 2: James' new movie is called California Schemen, and it's now
• 1:01:32
  Speaker 2: in select theaters, and it's going to be out everywhere tomorrow.
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: So make sure that you watch it, people.
• 1:01:39
  Speaker 5: Thank you.
• 1:01:40
  Speaker 1: Thanks, James McAvoy. This was delightful.
• 1:01:42
  Speaker 5: Gorgeous talking to you guys. Thank you so much. Honestly,
• 1:01:46
  Speaker 5: I've admired you for– actually, it was my wife that
• 1:01:49
  Speaker 5: introduced me to you. more. She's been a fan just
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 5: for like a gazillion years. But we love you in
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 5: our house.
• 1:01:55
  Speaker 1: I love that. Thank you.
• 1:01:56
  Speaker 5: Yeah, not too old.
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 6: Thank you.
• 1:01:58
  Speaker 2: All right.
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 4: If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to DearChelseaPodcast
• 1:02:03
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• 1:02:08
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• 1:02:11
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• 1:02:19
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