Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 181: Aligning With Your Affirmations: Why Your Affirmations Aren't Working & How to Fix Them

Transcript

181: Aligning With Your Affirmations: Why Your Affirmations Aren't Working & How to Fix Them · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:20
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:21
  My name is MaryAnn Walker and I'm the life coach for the helpers, the healers, and the people pleasers.
• 0:26
  And today we're going to be talking about affirmations.
• 0:29
  You probably heard the advice before"just keep saying your affirmations every day, and then suddenly your whole life will change." Now, that's true and not true both at the same time.
• 0:38
  So if this hasn't been true for you, keep listening because today's episode is just for you.
• 0:45
  The truth is the affirmations.
• 0:46
  They're not just magic words that you can chant like a spell, and then suddenly all of your problems just disappear.
• 0:52
  Right?
• 0:52
  They're not just a list of wishes that you just put on repeat, hoping that the universe is eventually going to deliver, but instead, affirmations are declarations of a conscious choice.
• 1:03
  They're reminders of who you are becoming, as well as an invitation to just align yourself with the vibration of what it is that you want to create.
• 1:11
  And here is why affirmations only work if you are actually aligning your thoughts, your actions, and your energy with them.
• 1:20
  So today we're gonna break this down into three parts.
• 1:22
  First, why your affirmations might not be working for you.
• 1:25
  Number two, how your brain could actually be sabotaging you.
• 1:28
  And number three, how to reframe your affirmations so they'll actually stick and support the version of you that you really want to step fully into.
• 1:36
  So first of all.
• 1:37
  Why are your affirmations not working?
• 1:40
  To address this, we're first going to talk about the brain.
• 1:43
  Your brain is a fact checker.
• 1:45
  It is a built-in lie detector test.
• 1:47
  So anytime that you tell yourself something that's a little bit too far away from your current reality, your brain is gonna call you out.
• 1:53
  It's gonna say, wait a second, that's not true.
• 1:55
  So for example, if you keep using the affirmation, I am slim and healthy, but you're carrying around a lot of extra weight.
• 2:01
  You just got your labs back and they're not looking too good right now.
• 2:05
  Maybe you're eating takeout and having a soda right now, eating all of the fries and the leftover fries from the kiddos, your brain is gonna be responding to that affirmation of, I am slim and healthy with,"um, Nope, you're not.
• 2:16
  Sorry.
• 2:16
  Nice try." Or let's say that you're currently drowning in debt and you're using the affirmation, money flows easily to me.
• 2:24
  But there's actually more money going out than coming in, then again, your brain is going to be saying,"Nope, liar, liar, pants on fire.
• 2:30
  That is not true." And the tricky part is that every time your brain rejects your affirmation, it actually strengthens the belief that the opposite is true.
• 2:40
  And that's when you end up feeling less and less aligned with the life that is that you really want.
• 2:46
  Alright, so now let's talk about the difference between affirmations and aspirations, because many people really confuse the two.
• 2:52
  So an affirmation is what you are affirming to be true.
• 2:56
  This is where you're going to be experiencing the growth.
• 2:59
  And oftentimes what we're actually saying is aspirations.
• 3:02
  It's where it is we want to eventually end up, but we're not actually there yet, and we know deep down we're not there.
• 3:08
  So when we're repeating these aspirations saying, yeah, I know this isn't where I am yet, but I want to be, your brain is going to keep reassuring you that"you're right.
• 3:17
  You're not there yet." And it's actually gonna be sabotaging you, making it harder and harder for you to get to where it is that you want to go.
• 3:24
  Whereas affirmations, they are, your current reality is things that you can actually affirm to be true.
• 3:31
  So again, to play around with the affirmation, I am slim and healthy.
• 3:34
  If you're actually not fit or healthy, then this is going to be more of an aspiration for you, and your brain is gonna push back on that and say,"Nope, you're always going to be in the wanting, sorry about it.
• 3:43
  I'm gonna show you all the evidence that, oh yeah, you might as well just go and sneak a few more fries from the other person's plate, right?" It's gonna give you more and more evidence that you're not there yet.
• 3:52
  Whereas if you can just tweak it a little bit, which is what we're going to be talking about next, then we can actually give our brain an assignment.
• 3:58
  For example, something that you might be able to actually affirm to be true is I am doing things each and every day to improve my health and wellness.
• 4:06
  Now that is going to be something that you can actually affirm to be true.
• 4:09
  And the really cool thing about this affirmation is that you're going to be essentially giving your brain an assignment.
• 4:15
  Since this is an affirmation that is affirming your current reality, it is going to completely change how it is that you're showing up in life.
• 4:23
  Okay?
• 4:24
  So if your affirmation is.
• 4:25
  "I'm doing things each and every day to improve my health and wellness." Then just notice, first of all, let's compare the two.
• 4:30
  Okay?
• 4:31
  So first kind of sit with the affirmation of I am slim and healthy.
• 4:34
  See how that feels in you.
• 4:36
  Does that feel open to you or does that feel closed to you?
• 4:40
  Okay, just notice it.
• 4:42
  And now try the affirmation.
• 4:43
  I am doing things each and every day to improve my health and wellness.
• 4:47
  How does that feel for you?
• 4:49
  For me, that one feels more open.
• 4:51
  It feels possible to me because I can do things in my current reality to give my brain evidence that yes, that is true.
• 4:59
  I am doing things each and every day to improve my health and wellness.
• 5:02
  And then your brain is gonna be looking for ways that you can do exactly that.
• 5:05
  So it might be like,"oh.
• 5:07
  Yeah.
• 5:07
  Hey, I can fit in a walk today.
• 5:09
  That'd be great.
• 5:09
  I am doing things every day to improve my health and wellness.""Oh, hey.
• 5:13
  Usually I go and eat the granola bars and the chips, but today I'm gonna have an apple for my snack.
• 5:18
  Look at me.
• 5:19
  I am doing things each and every day to improve my health and wellness." So kind of notice the difference in those, that one of those thoughts is going to kind of create some resistance for you.
• 5:29
  Whereas the other one is going to help you to get into alignment with the vision of you that you want to become.
• 5:34
  It's going to help to build that momentum so you can actually achieve your goal.
• 5:40
  So let's kind of play around with another one.
• 5:41
  If I'm saying I am a concert pianist, but I barely touch the piano, my brain is going to roll its eyes at me and say, yeah, right.
• 5:49
  You're not a concert pianist.
• 5:51
  You hardly even play, right.
• 5:53
  I'm going to be experiencing a lot of resistance there.
• 5:55
  But if I shift it just a tiny bit and say, I am finding time each and every day to practice the piano, suddenly my brain is now getting to work.
• 6:04
  It is going to start looking for that evidence that yes, I am finding time each and every day to practice the piano.
• 6:11
  So then my brain might say, oh, hey, guess what?
• 6:13
  You have five more minutes while the kids are finding their shoes to practice the piano.
• 6:17
  Or might say, Hey, how about if instead of watching TV tonight, if you practice the piano?
• 6:21
  Your brain is going to start to look for evidence that, yes, I am in fact finding time each and every day, and I can do that right now to practice the piano.
• 6:31
  So when your affirmation starts to feel believable to you, then your brain starts to become your ally rather than your adversary.
• 6:39
  Okay, so how do we make these affirmations work for us?
• 6:43
  You gotta keep giving your brain evidence.
• 6:45
  So I already told you about how to tweak the affirmation a little bit, but we're going to dive a little bit deeper because really the goal is to become a vibrational match for what it is that you're wanting to create.
• 6:55
  That's gonna help to lower that resistance.
• 6:57
  Because then you're going to start believing that it is true.
• 7:01
  It's going to become a true affirmation for you rather than something that you want to aspire to someday, but you just never can quite.
• 7:08
  Get there.
• 7:09
  Okay?
• 7:09
  So affirmations work best when you pair them with proof.
• 7:13
  So for example, I'm gonna kind of just invite you into my day for a little minute.
• 7:17
  So there's three affirmations I've been really trying to feel into.
• 7:22
  And the three affirmations are, I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am wise.
• 7:27
  Now, each of those by themselves, they're fine.
• 7:30
  But what I can do is with each one of those, I can actually really feel into them and see where in my life I am an energetic match for that.
• 7:39
  Okay.
• 7:39
  It's taking the time to intentionally give your brain the evidence that it is true.
• 7:45
  So, for example, I might sit with the affirmation of"I am healthy." And then in addition to that, after saying, yes, I am healthy, I will feel into it.
• 7:53
  And I will really experiment with that.
• 7:55
  Like, okay, in what ways am I healthy?
• 7:57
  So I might just say to myself, I notice what does and doesn't support my health, my physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing.
• 8:04
  I'm noticing that.
• 8:06
  I notice what makes me feel good and strong and healthy.
• 8:09
  And, I'm also noticing what doesn't make me feel good and strong and healthy.
• 8:13
  And I'm noticing that the gap between noticing and changing my behavior.
• 8:18
  Is changing instantly, right?
• 8:20
  I'm noticing that that gap is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.
• 8:23
  It used to be that I would say, oh, well, I guess I had that pack of Girl Scout cookies and now I'm gonna have to, you know, I'll start again on Monday.
• 8:30
  It'll be fine.
• 8:31
  But when you're really sitting with it that,"yes, I can affirm to myself that I am noticing when I am out of alignment with that goal of being healthy and I can instantly change and I can make that gap shorter," then my brain will say,"oh yeah, you are doing that.
• 8:45
  Thank you for pointing that out to me." Okay.
• 8:48
  And so you might notice that, okay, yes, I'm noticing that the gaps are getting smaller.
• 8:52
  I am noticing the things that improve my physical health, my mental health, my emotional health.
• 8:57
  I'm intentionally feeding into those things.
• 9:00
  I am choosing to take walks every day.
• 9:03
  I am choosing to hydrate.
• 9:05
  I am choosing to pause and to feel my feelings rather than emotionally eat.
• 9:09
  And each and every day, I am improving my wellness in small but meaningful ways.
• 9:14
  Okay.
• 9:15
  All of that is going to, be affirming that yes, I am healthy.
• 9:20
  Okay, so now let's kind of play around with I am Wealthy.
• 9:22
  Okay?
• 9:23
  This can be a tricky one, especially if you have any debt, especially if you're not quite making what you want to out of life.
• 9:28
  So I might sit into that affirmation of I am wealthy and I can give my brain evidence that, you know what, I know that wealth isn't just about money.
• 9:36
  But it's about experiencing richness in all of my life, it's savoring that piece of dessert.
• 9:42
  It's sharing a deep conversation with somebody.
• 9:44
  It's spending quality time with a friend.
• 9:48
  It's noticing that I am saving more each and every day.
• 9:52
  I'm putting things away.
• 9:53
  I'm not wasting money.
• 9:54
  I'm treating money with respect, and only spending it on things that truly enriches my life because that's true wealth is surrounding yourself with things that truly enrich your life.
• 10:05
  And yes, sometimes that means money, but sometimes the wealth shows up in other ways.
• 10:09
  But looking for those evidences of how is it that I'm experiencing abundance right now?
• 10:14
  How is it that I am already a vibrational match for wealth?
• 10:17
  Maybe it's even playing around with what it is that you're doing for work.
• 10:20
  So if you're looking for a new job, let's say you're unemployed, then maybe in addition to that, you could say, I am noticing each and every day that there are new opportunities to provide income for myself.
• 10:30
  There are new jobs to apply to.
• 10:32
  It's just noticing those things and giving your brain the intentional assignment of seeing ways that you are creating wealth and abundance for yourself.
• 10:41
  It is intentionally reminding yourself that, you know what?
• 10:43
  I am grateful.
• 10:44
  Gratitude is huge for abundance and wealth, right?
• 10:48
  Just being grateful for what you have.
• 10:50
  So maybe you can tell yourself, I am grateful for the abundance of experiences, opportunities and financial flow that add quality to my life.
• 10:59
  Okay, so now let's play around with, I am wise.
• 11:01
  This one's kind of a fun one too.
• 11:03
  It's like, okay, in what ways am I wise?
• 11:05
  Okay.
• 11:06
  I'm noticing that I am nurturing my mind with learning self-reflection and curiosity each and every day.
• 11:12
  For me, something that I'm wanting to do to give my brain more evidence that I am a wise woman is I am practicing reading from an actual book every day.
• 11:20
  I am a hundred percent a podcast person, an audio book person.
• 11:24
  But I'm trying really hard to be very intentional about actually reading from a book and finding ways to really nourish my mind.
• 11:31
  So maybe you wanna give yourself the evidence of that, that yes, I am nurturing my mind through reading books, through self-reflection, through curiosity, I'm practicing responding thoughtfully.
• 11:41
  Instead of reacting emotionally, I'm tapping into my higher mind and noticing when my emotional body is saying, whoa, I am not going to be acting wise in this moment, I'm gonna take some time to calm down so I can approach this through a clear thinking Headspace.
• 11:56
  I'm giving myself the rest that I need so that my thoughts can be more clear.
• 12:00
  I'm remembering that my wisdom isn't just for me, but I'm noticing how much my own self-reflection and my own personal development is also benefiting those around me.
• 12:10
  It's coming out through my coaching, through my conversations, through my podcast, and even beyond that.
• 12:15
  So it's intentionally looking for those ways that Yes, I am a wise woman or a wise person, right?
• 12:21
  So notice how different that feels to just stating the affirmations.
• 12:25
  I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am wise.
• 12:28
  And it's fine to repeat those on repeat.
• 12:30
  But really if you want to step into the vibration of those truly you need to figure out what it is that you can do in the now and the ways that you can affirm it to yourself in the current reality where you actually have choice and agency to see that yes, I am choosing to live more in alignment with that end goal.
• 12:49
  That's when you're going to be experiencing the wealth and the abundance.
• 12:52
  Okay?
• 12:53
  So remember this, that affirmations aren't about pretending to be something that you're not.
• 12:58
  They're about practicing alignment.
• 13:00
  It's about stepping into the vibrational energy of what it is that you want to experience in life.
• 13:05
  With each"I am" statement, it's a reminder of who you're consciously choosing to become.
• 13:11
  You're not just passively repeating these affirmations, you're choosing consciously to embody them.
• 13:18
  Now if affirmations haven't been working for you, it's not the affirmations that don't work, it's just that you might need to adjust the way that you're using them.
• 13:25
  So it's shifting from that wishful thinking into consciously choosing how it is that you want to show up each and every day.
• 13:32
  It is shifting from resistance into alignment and from empty words into daily action.
• 13:39
  Now if you would like support living more in alignment with the version of you that you know is possible, you know that you can get there, you just need a little bit of help, you need some help cleaning up your thoughts and seeing where your vibrational match, then come and work with me.
• 13:51
  I would love to work with you.
• 13:52
  I have three spots opening up this month, so come and apply to work with me now.
• 13:56
  I would love to work with you.
• 13:58
  Alright, well thank you so much for being here today and remember that your words shape your world.
• 14:02
  But only when they're backed with aligned energy and aligned action.
• 14:07
  All right, well, I hope you have a great week and let's talk soon.
• 14:09
  Bye now.
• 14:10
  Bye.