Latest / The Christy-Faith Show / Ep. 54 - Social-Emotional Learning: Why Homeschooling Does It Better

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Ep. 54 - Social-Emotional Learning: Why Homeschooling Does It Better · The Christy-Faith Show

• 0:00
  Christy-Faith: Are you raising emotionally healthy, confident, happy, resilient kids? Or could your homeschool be missing something really important? With so much focus on academics and homeschool parents wanting to make sure our kids are prepared for a bright future? It's so easy to overlook the life skills that build happiness, contentment, and emotional strength. Public schools have programs for social emotional learning.
• 0:22
  Should your homeschool have one too? By the end of this episode, you'll see how homeschooling doesn't require a fancy curriculum to teach your kids the essential life skills they need, and we're also gonna cover ways you can thoughtfully provide them with the tools and experiences that truly matter. Before we get into the meat, hi. I'm Christy Faith. Make sure you hit that subscribe button and ring the social media is buzzing about it, and homeschool parents are wondering if they need Social media is buzzing about it, and homeschool parents are wondering if they need to make it more official in their teaching.
• 1:14
  As I kept seeing it absolutely everywhere from viral TikToks to school policies, I got curious about its history and its purpose. Turns out, SEL learning isn't new. Even though it's been around for decades, its popularity has exploded in recent years. In my nationwide community, Thrive Homeschool Community, parents often ask what and how they should be teaching SEL, and they ask for advice on SEL curriculum. The goal of SEL programs is to help children develop self management, self awareness, social awareness, relationship skills, and responsible decision making.
• 1:48
  And as you know, it could be great in theory. But if I'm being honest, I have some serious reservations about the curriculum and methods being used by government funded systems. I mean, are they really effective? Then there's the overreach, the bias, the not so hidden objectives. Cough.
• 2:06
  You get the idea. Honestly, it feels like the government is trying to do more than just educate kids. At times, it's like they're stepping into roles that really should belong to parents, and that that's just not okay with me. You're not my kid's parent, first. And second, I have no interest in co parenting with the government.
• 2:24
  But I digress. That could be a totally different episode. I wanna stay focused on why you, homeschoolers, or homeschool curious, don't specifically need it. And here is the short answer. If you are a homeschooler and you are intentionally engaging with your children, then you will cover everything that's needed in those curricula and more simply by living life, and it will be organic and much more effective.
• 2:47
  Why? Because just talking about something will never have the same impact as actually living it. Now the long answer. What do I mean by you will cover everything that's in those curricula and will be organic and probably more effective? Pretty much I can throw a rock and hit a reason why homeschoolers have an edge over schooled kids in pretty much every area of life.
• 3:07
  But for this topic, let's go over three key things that give homeschoolers the social emotional learning or SEL advantage just by being homeschooled. Number one, homeschooling gives you time back with your children. Think about the typical public school schedule. Kids spend six to eight hours in a large building with peers. And if they're involved in extracurriculars, that could be another two or three hours after school.
• 3:31
  By the time they get home, your first real interaction might be a rushed dinner at 7PM. And don't forget the homework. Why does this matter? Because as a homeschooling parent, you're not competing with all those external demands. Instead, you have the time and flexibility to focus on core academics, reading, writing, and arithmetic, but also go be on them.
• 3:50
  For example, you can snuggle on the couch and read a meaningful book together, like Coolies by Yin. I've read this book with my children, and here's the synopsis. Now go with me here because I'm telling you the synopsis for a reason. Sheck marvels at the new world as he and his brother, little Wong, arrive in California. Along with hundreds of other workers, the brothers are going to build a great railroad across the West.
• 4:12
  They plan to save enough money so their mother and little brothers can join them in America. But as the days grow into months, they endure many hardships, exhausting work, discrimination, and treacherous avalanches. Inspired by actual events, this story reveals the harsh truth about life for the Chinese railroad workers in 1865 while celebrating their perseverance and bravery. I know what you're thinking. What does this have to do with anything?
• 4:35
  Christy, you want me to read a book like this to my child? First of all, yes. And I want you to read books with deeply emotional stories to your children. Why? Because these kinds of stories introduce your children to situations and experiences they probably and hopefully never face themselves.
• 4:52
  And here's the key. Reading fiction builds empathy. It helps develop some of the same social and emotional skills that SEL curriculum claim to teach, but in a way that government programs simply cannot. It's about putting yourself in someone else's shoes. When you read a book like Coolies, it might spark a conversation about how challenging that life would have been and what you would do in that particular situation.
• 5:16
  Or maybe you read Matilda and ask a thought provoking question like, what's the difference between miss Trunchbull and miss Honey? What does neglect look like? Are punishments always fair? Can they go too far? I mean, I love chocolate cake, but No.
• 5:30
  Thanks. I'm stuffed. Stories open the door to deep conversations and emotional growth. There's so much to learn through the power of storytelling. Living books are excellent resources for this exact purpose.
• 5:43
  If you need living book recommendations, I have a few lists organized by age that I will leave in the show notes or in the description box if you're watching this on YouTube. And you'll be happy to know I have research to back this reading fiction to your kids claim. Here's a study that was published by PubMed Central and found that fiction influences empathy in readers. Also, an article from discovermagazine.com by Megan Schmidt highlights research showing that reading fiction can help improve empathy. Researchers tested participants on theory of mind, which is the ability to understand that others have beliefs and desires different from our own.
• 6:17
  Those who read literary fiction showed the greatest improvement, while those who read nonfiction or genre fiction showed no boost. The article explains that literary fiction emphasizes character development with characters and situations that challenge readers' expectations. If your children are in public, private, charter, or any other school system, you can still find opportunities to incorporate this. It's just a lot easier when you homeschool. Sadly, schools have a knack for turning great literature into lifeless comprehension quizzes because nothing says fall in love with reading like bubbling in a Scantron sheet.
• 6:53
  With homeschooling, you have the gift of protecting that love of reading, taking away the pressure of grades and replacing it with meaningful conversations. Just you, your child, and the book sitting there together, sharing the journey, feeling deeply moved, changed, and growing side by side is not just about reading. It's about connection, transformation, and the kind of moments that stay with you forever. Can you tell I love living books? To wrap up this first point, I'll leave you with a quote from one of my favorites, George r r Martin.
• 7:23
  A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one. Up next is point number two, where we're gonna be confronting those, but how are you gonna prepare your kids for the real world? Naysayers. But first, a word from our sponsors.
• 7:37
  As a homeschool mom who values a family together approach and leans towards the classical and Charlotte Mason styles, I often struggle to bring my educational vision to life with my kids diverse ages and learning needs. With all our interests and super packed schedule, bridging that gap between the dreamy homeschool I want and reality, I gotta be honest. It's a challenge. Now, yes, I know perfection quiet hero of our routine and it could be a really great option for you too. BJU Press homeschool curriculum.
• 8:12
  Now, many think that BJU Press homeschool is solely an all in one option, and though it does excel in that role, did you know you can also opt for specific courses and tailor them to fit your family's needs just as I have? BGU Press homeschool provides the perfect balance of structure flexibility and easily complements my family's mixed age, family together on the couch learning style. They are second to none in integrating a biblical worldview, stimulating critical thinking, and offering tons of hands on activities in the lessons. To find out how BJU Press homeschool can come alongside you in your homeschooling goals too, visit bjupresshomeschool.com or click the link in the show notes. Alright.
• 8:51
  Key thing number two. Homeschoolers can better prepare our kids for the real world because, wait a minute, we're actually in it. Wait. What? I know aunt Barbara, the retired public school teacher, is clutching her pearls right now.
• 9:07
  But let me say it loud and clear. For those of you in the back, homeschoolers are in the real world. Yes. Really. You might need to take a deep breath there, Barbara.
• 9:16
  Joking aside, homeschoolers are out and about. We're not locked in the basement despite what some of you might think. We're out there in the real world getting real life socialization. And let's talk about that real world for a second. In the real world, you're not surrounded by people your exact age for six to twelve hours a day.
• 9:36
  Sure, you might work with people close to your age sometimes, but more often than not, you're in an environment with a mix of generations. Honestly, I love seeing people on socials talk about having their work mom or work grandpa. Is not only sweet, but it's also the perfect snapshot of real life, interacting with people of all ages, backgrounds, and experiences. And in these environments, you encounter situations that help you grow emotionally and socially. Maybe you're having a conversation with someone who's facing a serious medical diagnosis or struggling financially.
• 10:08
  In those moments, you're gaining perspective. These experiences teach relationship skills, social awareness, and compassion because out here in the real world, those skills aren't optional. They're essential. Homeschool families have more time to interact with others in all walks of life in meaningful ways. I know families that volunteer at nursing homes, animal shelters, soup kitchens, and get together with their co ops and community programs.
• 10:34
  Their everyday interactions are far more valuable than what you're going to get with an SEL video sitting in a classroom. Talking about it isn't doing it. And as homeschoolers, we actually get time with our kids to reflect on these experiences. Kids aren't rushing from one class to the next, juggling a packed schedule. And by the way, if you are a rushing homeschooler going from one subject to the next, please come meet me and thrive.
• 11:00
  But no, really. Homeschoolers have more breathing room, and instead, we can pause with our kids and process interactions that we experience together as a family. You can ask questions like, how could we handle that situation better next time? What are other ways we could have phrased that question? These moments of reflection are where real growth happens.
• 11:19
  It's kinda funny, but also sad. Spend years structuring education in a way that isolates kids from real world interactions, then introduce a program to teach them what they should have learned naturally. It's like breaking someone's legs and then selling them crutches. So the next time the homeschool critic in your life frets over how your kids will be able to handle the real world, kindly remind them that you and your kids actually live there. And news flash, the only thing the school system truly prepares kids for is survival within itself.
• 11:49
  Think about it. Asking permission to go to the bathroom, not being allowed to leave, strict schedules dictated by bells, confinement to rooms for hours on end, and punitive shame based discipline. The system it most resembles, honestly, isn't the real world. It's something else, and I kinda don't wanna say it. There's even metal detectors in schools.
• 12:08
  So spoiler alert, if our public schools prepare kids for anything, it's not the real world. It's how to follow orders, surrender autonomy, and function as a model prisoner. Remember point number one, homeschooling gives you more time back with your children? Well, let's expand on that for the key point I have, which is number three for today. Being home gives kids more responsibilities.
• 12:31
  Yeah. We live here. We have to eat. It's actually kind of astounding how much we can actually eat and need to tidy every single day. Are you familiar with how often a hobbit eats?
• 12:44
  What about second breakfast? Yeah. We're on par with that. What about second breakfast? Homeschoolers naturally develop the self management skills that SEL tries to teach simply because it's built into our daily lives.
• 12:56
  If you're raising an independent learner, your child will learn to manage their own schedule over time. With daily, weekly, and monthly responsibilities, they'll pick up important life skills like laundry, cooking, and cleaning. Now don't mistake what I'm about to say for neglect or parentification. But with guidance, having an older sibling teach or help a younger sibling fosters leadership and accountability. These are skills that can't be effectively taught in a classroom.
• 13:22
  But don't just take my word for how chores help children. There's research that backs this claim. Inc.com caught my attention with this headline. Quote, want to raise more successful and happier kids? Harvard research says give them more chores and make sure you start establishing chores when they're four or five years old.
• 13:40
  As in most things, earlier tends to be better. End quote. The author Jeff Hayden highlights an ongoing eighty five year Harvard study that found a strong connection between doing household chores and later professional success. Researchers observed that high achievers often had a background of contributing to household responsibilities from a young age. Beyond success, another study in the Journal of Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics found that kids who start helping with small tasks by age four or five develop higher confidence and a greater sense of capability.
• 14:12
  Bottom line, chores help your children grow into confident, capable, and successful adults. Once again, I'm not saying that you will not have successful children if they attend a government institution or another type of school. Obviously, they can and will do chores, too. I will say, though, that I am shocked in my suburban achievement oriented culture, obsessed with extracurriculars in sports, how many of my kids' friends don't do chores? It's nuts.
• 14:40
  When we homeschool, we just incorporate them into our everyday life. Moving on, I think it also might be fun to see what others have to say about SEL on x. But first, a word from our sponsors. Before we continue, I wanna share with you a program that's been a game changer for our homeschool. At our center, we instructed and helped kids through pretty much every math program on the market and know firsthand just how important a solid math foundation is for our kids' futures.
• 15:05
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• 15:34
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• 16:01
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• 16:18
  James, a fury, tweeted, quote, schools, we are very concerned about our students' mental health. That's why we have four counselors and extensive SEL curriculum, culturally sensitive lesson materials, and gender affirming policies which we hide from parents. Without this, their mental health will suffer. Public. Can you also limit their screen time?
• 16:39
  It's been shown to destroy their mental health, schools, but Quizlet. Yep. A different tweet from mister Daniel Buck, quote, new study. After completing an SEL program, students were more depressed, more anxious, had more difficulty managing emotions, and reported worse relationships with their parents. Teachers are not and should not be therapists.
• 17:03
  End quote. The study he linked was titled investigating the efficacy of a dialectical behavioral therapy based universal intervention on adolescent social and emotional well-being outcomes. I will leave you a link to it in the show notes. But it makes sense to me. I think always talking about your feelings and keeping the focus on you is gonna have negative effects.
• 17:24
  There is a time for reflection, but look outward a little bit, folks. And Forbes actually dropped an article in 2021 titled, happiness comes from making others feel good rather than ourselves, according to a new study. I'm trying not to laugh. According to a New Study. I'm trying not to laugh.
• 17:39
  You think? The contributor, Mark Travers, highlights research from the University of Missouri Columbia, which found that acts of kindness and generosity towards others lead to greater personal happiness than self focused pursuits. In one study, participants who used spare change to pay for a stranger's parking meter reported feeling happier than those who used it for their own. The findings echo Martin Luther King Junior's words, the surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others. The takeaway?
• 18:08
  True happiness isn't about chasing it for ourselves. It's found in giving it to others. The study that was being referenced in this Forbes article is titled, happiness comes from trying to make others feel good rather than oneself. It was published online in March 2021. I will add these as well to the show notes.
• 18:26
  I normally don't feel great when I'm constantly focusing on myself, and it looks like the science agrees. Oh my. So we've covered three key advantages homeschoolers have in building social and emotional skills. But I want you to think about it. What truly prepares a child for adulthood?
• 18:42
  Sitting through scripted lessons on empathy or actually living in a world where they engage with people of all ages, face real challenges, take on responsibilities, and have the time to reflect on it all. Homeschooling allows kids to develop these skills organically in a way that actually sticks. If this type of conversation lights a fire under you and you can't help but get all up in your head with these types of things, I want you to know you don't have to ruminate alone. There is a whole bunch of us hot mess homeschoolers who love our kids and love to learn and grow in Thrive homeschool community. As my teenage son says, where I turn homeschool moms into homeschool baddies.
• 19:22
  I kind of agree with that all but the I part. It's really a we. We have an amazing team that has made Thrive Homeschool Community the most robust homeschool training and support community out there. But really, if you're a nervous homeschooler, things aren't working, you feel a little bit alone in your journey, or you're worried that you're not on the right track, it's where you come to fail proof your homeschool, and we get you feeling confident. It's kinda like starting a master's degree in homeschool, but with all of your confident.
• 19:47
  It's kinda like starting a master's degree in homeschooling, but with all of your best friends. And it's a place where you can feel safe and feel vulnerable. How's that possible in a nationwide online community? Well, you're just gonna have to click the link and spy on us to find out how we pull all of that off. Someone this week just sent a DM that called one of the training sessions revolutionary for her, and she's not a brand new homeschooler.
• 20:09
  So make sure to hit that page and see everything that we have going on in there. And, hopefully, I'll see you live in one of our coaching Zooms. Oh, yes. I almost forgot. And speaking season is upon us.
• 20:20
  I may be coming to a city near you. I have my in person speaking schedule on my website, so make sure to check that out too. I would love to be able to meet you in person.