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Disruptive Patterns That Destroy Friendships · RiseUp - Live Joy Your Way

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_01: Today's episode is produced by my friends at Walk West.
• 0:03
  SPEAKER_01: And if you're looking to grow your brand and generate leads through podcast or video production, head over to walkwest.com.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, let's start the show.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:19
  SPEAKER_00: From emotional intelligence through cognitive distortions, certified life and wellness coach Comedy Wood is on a mission to help people see the magnificence of their own unique human spirit.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Through these small bites of self-visualization and self-confidence, you can have healthy relationships, success in business and career, and live the life you want to live.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Rise up, live joy your way.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_01: Hi there, and welcome to another episode of Rise Up, Live Joy Your Way.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_01: Whether it's morning, afternoon, or evening, I just want to say welcome and thank you.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you for taking a few minutes out of your day to spend with me.
• 0:56
  SPEAKER_01: As I mentioned last time, I wanted to spend a couple of episodes just talking about friendships.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_01: Why friendships?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_01: Because one of the main contributors to the feeling of burnout is a lack of community.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_01: And we talk about it in context of the workplace a lot when we talk about burnout, and in the context of lack of community, sometimes it's about not feeling in community with your workplace teammates.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_01: But also in our everyday life, it can lead to burnout when we have that lack of community with our friends or not feeling like we have those strong friendships.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to spend a couple of our episodes just talking about friendships in general.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_01: The last time we talked about how just three ideas of how to create and attract healthier friendships.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_01: And today I wanted to touch on this topic of uh patterns that could disrupt a healthy friendship.
• 1:55
  SPEAKER_01: You know, because having solid friends makes an important difference in our lives, and having people that we can count on is really, really important as we deal with the ups and downs of life.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_01: As I said, when we don't have that sense of community, it can really contribute to things like overwhelm and that concept of burnout.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_01: So when we know that there are people in our circle that are they have our back, there's they're definitely people that we can lean on when we need support, it really helps us be able to feel like we we will be supported if we need it.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so building those strong, solid friendships though, does take time and it takes being intentional about it.
• 2:33
  SPEAKER_01: Friendships, like all relationships, definitely fall into patterns.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_01: And when the patterns are predictable and healthy, it creates that solid foundation.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_01: However, friendships also go through tough times, much like romantic relationships.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_01: And those types of friendships that can stay stable and strong, they can, you know, they they withstand it, but there are some patterns that can disrupt healthy, healthy friendships.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_01: And those patterns are the patterns that um could could lead to the end of the friendship.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: So I just wanted to touch on a couple of the main or a couple of uh disrupting patterns just as a highlight.
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  SPEAKER_01: So the first pattern is ghosting.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_01: Now we've all heard about ghosting in romantic relationships, or I think many of us have, uh especially in dating these days.
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_01: I have had several clients that I've worked with who have, you know, attempted to use dating apps and they will start messaging somebody and then the next thing they know they're being ghosted.
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh so the same disruptive pattern happens in our friendships.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_01: So ghosting refers to when we bail out on friendships for periods of time with little erratic or no contact.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_01: So sometimes this could look like, you know, um, our friend texts us and we don't say anything for weeks on end, and then suddenly we decide to pop back up.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_01: And what happens is this can cause confusion and leave our friends wondering what's happening, what have they maybe done or why haven't why aren't they hearing from you?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_01: And it can be harmful to the friendship because um, especially let's say one person is introverted and the other person is extroverted, there are different expectations within that friendship, and so it could lead to false assumptions over what's happening, and it could really leave space for one friend to feel um completely abandoned.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_01: And uh, when that happens, it can definitely interrupt the friendship, and so it's really important that with your friends that we stay in contact with one another and we don't simply just ghost them.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_01: So keeping it consistent and being consistent with your communication uh in your friendships is going to be really important.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_01: Another uh disruptive pattern is control.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_01: Again, this happens in romantic relationships where when one partner is more controlling over the other, it ends up leading to toxicity within that relationship.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_01: You know, in friendships, similar situations can happen.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_01: So being quote unquote the alpha is not always a bad thing until it actually turns out to be a bad thing.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_01: So having a controlling personality in your life, like so, for instance, if you are the the friend who feels controlled, you know, at first it may not feel so bad, but eventually it wears on you.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_01: Again, similar to romantic relationships, at first you may not notice it, and then over time you feel worn out by it, and you kind of stop and you look and you realize this really isn't healthy.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_01: So friends who tried try to lead the way in the friendship may not always be aware of their controlling nature, and so it's just really important that over time, you know, over time friends could pull away if they feel overly controlled by by you.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just being really careful not to monopolize the friendships or not to always be the one who wants to do it your way.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_01: It's about asking questions and making sure that both friends in the friendship feel that they can bring their perspectives to the table.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_01: Very similar to partnerships.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_01: It's about both people feeling heard, feeling seen, and truly feeling um feeling uh uh visible and a part of the friendship, not one person over the other.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_01: And then another uh pattern that I just wanted to bring to the awareness is uh sensitivity.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_01: So highly sensitive people can drain friendships quickly because highly sensitive people require a lot of emotional support just because they're bringing their own insecurities to the friendship.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_01: And so what happens is these highly sensitive people might take things very personal that their friend may not even have meant for it to be personal, and so that can just add in an element of drama or overwhelm to the friendship, and it can affect the friendship um just because it creates a sense of overwhelm or it could lead to um just troubling behaviors or a sense of jealousy, it just leads to um destruct it's just a destructive pattern within a friendship.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_01: And so how do we deal with this?
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_01: Well, it's really to, and and I say this all the time the relationship with self is the most important relationship.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_01: So it's to focus on your own confidence, focus on your own self-esteem, and that way when you are showing up in the friendship dynamic, you are coming from that whole and complete place, and therefore you're not bringing um bringing in those insecurities, and you don't show up in that highly sensitive uh form.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just learning to really truly focus on your relationship with yourself and then showing up from that empowered place within the friendship and just paying attention, paying attention to, you know, um, and it's not to discount your feelings because here's the thing in toxic relationships, one of the things, or what I should say is in narcissistic relationships, one of the things that pops up a lot is that the person who is being emotionally abused by the other one is told routinely um you're being overly sensitive.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_01: So I really want to be careful here with this top this pattern of being highly sensitive.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's very important to slow it down and to just ask yourself in these friendships, do I feel like maybe I have taken something personally out of context?
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_01: Or is this person really maybe a toxic person?
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_01: I just really want to make sure that I'm being clear about that because it's very important to just notice patterns and to notice how we're feeling over time within the friendships.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_01: And and we can recognize how we're showing up in the friendship.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_01: And so it's just the whole purpose of this episode was to really just highlight a couple of disruptive patterns that could complicate or keep friendships from moving forward, just in an effort of trying to build those healthy uh feelings of community so that we can deal with stress, overwhelm, and burnout in a healthier fashion.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_01: If you have anything that you'd like to discuss with me in terms of that lack of community or feeling burned out, or maybe talking through how to heal from a toxic friendship or a toxic relationship, definitely feel free to reach out to me.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_01: You can easily book a time to talk with me at chatwithcomedy.com.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_01: And until next time, I am Comedy Wood.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: For more information, book a chat with comedy at www.chatwithcomedy.com or visit her website at www.comedywood.com.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can also find comedy on Facebook or Instagram.
• 9:39
  SPEAKER_00: Username it's authentic me.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you for listening.