Latest / Speak In Flow / Navigating Complaints with Empathy, Curiosity and Common-Ground Solutions With Melinda Lee

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Navigating Complaints with Empathy, Curiosity and Common-Ground Solutions With Melinda Lee · Speak In Flow

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  Melinda Lee: Welcome, dear listeners to a speak in flow
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  podcast episode we are going to talk about complaints today.
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  Complaints complaints. I mean, it seems like they're everywhere
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  in our chaos and complexity and people with bad moods. It just
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  seems like we can't break free from them. And so I wanted to
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  dedicate an episode on how do we manage and navigate these
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  complaints. I think it's important for us, and we're
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  building our relationships. And so what are complaints, when
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  someone complains to us, that means that they're neither
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  there, they're dissatisfied with something, their expectation is
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  not being met. And usually, when they're complaining, there's a
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  lot of emotion on top of it, they're frustrated, they're
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  angry, they're disappointed, they could just be blurting out
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  things and directing them at you, whether it's your fault or
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  not, it doesn't really matter, but they are just doing it. And
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  so in the moment, it can be, it can feel really uncomfortable,
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  because we, as a receiver can get really defensive. And if
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  we're not careful, we're going to refute back, we're going to
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  yell back and and then we're going to disconnect from the
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  relationship. There is uncomfortable this and then
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  there's tension. And then so we want to avoid that. And so here
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  are some three things that you can do when someone complains at
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  you. The first is listen with empathy.
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  Second is get real curious. And third is open it up for
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  solutions. So the first is, listen with empathy. When
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  someone complains, just take a deep breath, and just go into
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  curiosity mode. Oftentimes, we can be defensive and yell back.
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  And so I highly recommend just taking some deep breaths, taking
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  a step back and and then move into curiosity. Start to ask,
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  Oh, tell me more. You're upset by this? I didn't do what you
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  want it. So tell me more about that. What is happening? And so
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  ask questions and and ask continue to ask questions. Tell
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  me more. Tell me more. And they'll continue to tell you the
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  story. Or you can also start to do some mirroring, labelling,
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  which means that you just paraphrase what they said, Oh, I
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  didn't meet your needs, oh, I failed to meet with you at a
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  certain time, or I didn't deliver your task on time. So
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  just paraphrasing what they're saying. And really go in with
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  curiosity. So don't I think sometimes if we tried to do
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  mirroring and labelling, we will feel like we're condescending,
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  or we're doing it just to check off the box. And that was going
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  to you know, create some defensiveness in them. You do
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  want to go in with genuine curiosity. And leave mirroring
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  labelling will come so naturally, because you're
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  curious, you're like, what does that mean? Where is this coming
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  from? Because underneath the emotion, you want to go
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  underneath all that as they continue to tell you more,
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  they're going to tell you the story of what has happened to
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  them. And then therefore you can get into the needs, what is
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  their true needs, underneath that, you're going to find out a
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  lot of information. And then once they do that, they're going
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  to be more receptive to talking about potential solutions.
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  Because the reason why they're complaining is because actually
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  they do want us, someone around us to hear them. And then now
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  open up the door to what can we do about this? What do you what
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  do you recommend? What do you propose? What are some
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  solutions, or some ways that we can work together? What are some
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  ways to help alleviate to get you what you want? And so open
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  up the door for the third is solutions, but only after you've
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  demonstrated the first listening with empathy. Second, getting
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  curious and then going into what can we do about this together
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  and really partnering to find some common ground to find some
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  common solutions that will then create this connection again,
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  that will then increase some possibilities that both of you
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  together separately may not come up with. And so moving into open
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  brainstorming and and ideas of what can be some solutions.
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  So that is how you can handle complaints. I know that there is
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  a lot of a lot of people that are struggling and dealing with
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  a lot. And so for you to take that step forward to unleashing
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  your voice. It requires that we rise above the noise, the chaos,
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  the fear, the frustration and know that these are all just
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  underneath that could Be emotions. And when we can rise
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  above these limiting negative emotions, and coming in with
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  curiosity, coming in with listening, and then opening up
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  the door underneath all of that our possibilities are solutions
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  that we can create together and move toward a partnership and
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  into a deeper relationship, even when it's uncomfortable, even
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  when things have not or expectations have not been met.
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  Once you hear them, we can close the door on that I'll create a
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  vehicle for connection for change, and more meaningful
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  relationships. So I hope that you could take these tips today
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  on how to navigate complaints in our crazy chaotic world rise. I
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  am your sister in flow. Until next episode, I hope you take
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  care and go out and lead with your heart