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Happy Hour #176: Accepting Help · Stuff Mom Never Told You

• 0:05
  Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha, and welcome to stuff
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: I'll never told you production if I hurried you. And
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: welcome to another edition of Happy Hour. As always with these,
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: if you choose to drink or whatever you choose to do,
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: please do so responsibly. Are you sipping on anything, Samantha.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: I've sipping on my bubble water with a little bit
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: of electrolyts.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: But you nice, I've got water with lemon, but I've
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: also got my trusty red wine.
• 0:37
  Speaker 3: Nice.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: It's a long recording day for us because we're trying
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: to take vacation. What I know, as you know, sometimes
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: when I'm combing through classics, it cracks me up how
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: many times we have like the same topic around the
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: same I'm like, oh, this was in May it's a
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Star Wars month, or yeah yeah, but around July there's
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: usually something about complaining about how difficult it for us
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: to take vacation.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yes, but.
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: We are tempting it. I did have I'm not proud
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: of it, but I had kind of a mini tantrum
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: by myself, so nobody else was subjected to it, but
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: I was like, everybody was talking about how excited they
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: were to go on vacation. I was like, all I
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: feel is stress, but that's not really what we're talking
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: about today. But it does relate to what we're talking
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: about today, Okay, because this is another topic that I
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: discussed a year ago. I think where it was around
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: I was talking about enforcing boundaries but also asking for
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: help and how that was something that was kind of
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: new to me. Today, I want to do a bit
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: of a revisit to that, but also talking about accepting
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: help because I have had a lot of instances lately
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: where I've had some health issues and I just it
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: was really difficult for me to ask for help, and
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I didn't in a lot of ways. But then I
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: started to, like, I started to say, you know, I
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: really can't do this today. I just can't do it,
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: or even with my ear thing, I'm sorry. I've gotten
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: better about being like, can I please sit here? So
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I've gotten better about the asking, and now I've moved
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: on to the accepting where you don't feel guilty or
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: you're not always being like did I ask for too much?
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: Or what is it? Every now and then, when I'm
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: writing fan fiction, I catch myself writing something where I'm like, oh,
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: you're clearly working through something right now. And I just
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: wrote a chapter wherein there's a whole section that was like,
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: you know, one character was saying to the other, see
• 2:57
  Speaker 1: how easy it was to ask for help. Now you
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: have to learn to accept it. And after I wrote it,
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: I was like, ah, the old brain is trying to
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: work through some things. And it's true, it can be difficult.
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: And I'm always concerned about overstaying my welcome or annoying people,
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: especially like people getting like she's too much, She's always
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: asking for too much. But actually one of the reasons
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: this was on my mind is because you, who are
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: always so wonderful, You and your partner On the fourth
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: of July, in the heat, came out to help me
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: with my car, which by the way, did not start.
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: If you heard the previous hour, I said, I don't
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: think it's going to start. It absolutely didn't, and I
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: was just so like, no, we don't need to do that,
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: We don't need to do that. But it was such
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: a nice thing, and it was such a weight off
• 3:56
  Speaker 1: my mind, exactly, and you know, I would always want
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: to help you, and so I like to think it
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: was not a huge deal like I was making it
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: to this huge deal. Yes, but it was so nice
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: and I got some fazel out of it.
• 4:14
  Speaker 2: This also goes into my other happy hour where I'm like.
• 4:17
  Speaker 3: You have basil, I have propagated things and making you
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: share my joy.
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: Yes, and it was she does have a beautiful garden. Everybody,
• 4:26
  Speaker 1: I showed it off. But I mean, it's just one
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: of those things where like, I know it's true. I
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: know that I personally would love like if somebody I
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: care about needs help, I want to help them. It's
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: just hard to sometimes it's just hard to accept it.
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: And I think I have a couple of friends, possibly you,
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: who got a little annoyed that I didn't say anything
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: about my health concerns. Oh yeah, I yelled at you, yeah,
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: until it was too late, and they were like, you know,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: I want to help you. I don't know why you
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: were making it into this thing where I find out
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: much later and now I'm very concerned, right, and I
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: don't know, Like I get check ins like every day
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: now every day, are you okay? Is everything okay? Which
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: I really appreciate. So it's a work in progress. It's
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: a work in progress. I do think that can that
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: also sort of does relate to us going on vacation
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: because you know you're asking someone for help. You're asking,
• 5:39
  Speaker 1: at least in the context of our jobs a lot
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: of jobs, but in our job specifically, you're asking someone,
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: Is it okay, I actually want to take time off
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: and not be working on my break? And of course absolutely, Christina,
• 5:54
  Speaker 1: take the break, Please take the break. But when it's
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: I don't know, when it's you, it feels more difficult.
• 6:07
  Speaker 1: I think that kind of ties back into the whole
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: sort of what we talked about with going to the
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: doctor is I don't want people to think I'm making
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: a big deal with things. I don't want to draw
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: attention to things right.
• 6:33
  Speaker 3: Now.
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: I have time to tell you before, and we've done
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: this before.
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: If it was the opposite, if I did these things,
• 6:40
  Speaker 3: you would be upset. And a part of our anxiety
• 6:44
  Speaker 3: is that we or even like our need for being
• 6:47
  Speaker 3: helped is being asked to help, Like if you don't,
• 6:50
  Speaker 3: then I feel like I failed you as a friend,
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: that there's some distrust happening. And also, like with the
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: whole vacation thing, I'm like, oh no, we set a
• 6:59
  Speaker 3: really bad example. I feel like for some people and
• 7:03
  Speaker 3: when we're like, yeah, we constantly work. It's a constant
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: work thing. We don't technically take breaks. We take breaks,
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: don't get me wrong, But we also have modes of
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: like no, but if you need me. But we're also
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: going to enter these emails. We're also going to listen
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: to these episodes, you know, things like that we're still working.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Yeah, both those things apply.
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: Like we want to be help remember that, so when
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: you do ask for help, there is this like realization
• 7:27
  Speaker 3: for a lot of us. For me, maybe maybe it's
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: just me and my need to be helpful and anxiety
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: is like, oh, you trust me and not to tell
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: you what's going on.
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: Wonderful. I'm glad to ask for help.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: So that's one and then the other part is like,
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: please don't take my example and take a break or Sina,
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: don't we really have no judgments in you being like
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: I might not be reachable.
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: No, no, don't be reachable. What are you talking about?
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, And to be clear, like this is uh,
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: I actually find this as progress, but it is an
• 7:58
  Speaker 1: ongoing thing. I do trust you. It is just a
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I am very concerned that people will be like she
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: has too much or she's asking for too much, which
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: this is not that, but people do do that. So
• 8:12
  Speaker 1: also be mindful of when you're asking for help and
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: like how and how the other person is to spread
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: it about.
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, And.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I mean sometimes it's just like I really need help
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: right now and there can't be any questions. But but
• 8:28
  Speaker 1: you know, if you're constantly taking advantage of somebody's desire
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: to be helpful, that is a that is a problem.
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: That I hope.
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: That's clearly not what's happening with me, I hope, but
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: but that that is a separate issue. And I do
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: know people do that, But I feel like I'm becoming
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: more willing to accept help when it is offered to me.
• 8:55
  Speaker 3: Yes, to be fair, I told you the plan you
• 8:58
  Speaker 3: would did okay. Like I was like, we're doing this
• 9:02
  Speaker 3: this night, you're staying over, You're going to do this
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: with us, and then next day we're taking you home
• 9:05
  Speaker 3: and I'm doing this, my partner's going to do this
• 9:07
  Speaker 3: and this We've already set it up and you're like okay.
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: And then the next day I'm like, Basil.
• 9:14
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna send you Basil. You're like okay. Yeah.
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: It was acceptance.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: It was confused acceptance.
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: It was acceptance.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: This is true. It's true. I'll acknowledge it. You didn't
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: fight me on it.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: I did not that that I'll give you like the
• 9:30
  Speaker 4: day that I asked, because the week before I had
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: planned to go, uh to a little small trip and
• 9:36
  Speaker 4: I was leaving early morning, like I can come before
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: and I can come crank and help you.
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: We'll figure that out together.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: And you were like no, no, I'm okay. So then
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: when I was like, did you do it? And you're
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: like no, I got to make a plan for you.
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: I gave you four opportunities.
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: It's time.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean maybe it's slow, it's baby steps.
• 9:56
  Speaker 2: Baby, but you did good. You did good.
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: And because when we got out there, because my partner
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: is extra, if he sees extra things that need to
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: be done, he's gonna do it. He's like, I'm gonna
• 10:07
  Speaker 3: take it. I'm gonna drop around. He even offered to
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: wash it and he really wants to. He's actually gonna
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: do this one day. I think he's gonna come kidnap
• 10:13
  Speaker 3: your car and then carnap your car and wash it
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: for you and bring it back like he has a plan.
• 10:19
  Speaker 2: He replaced by Winsfield wife or would he drove it around.
• 10:23
  Speaker 5: It's like, look, you need to be doing this, and
• 10:27
  Speaker 5: he's a good partner, like yeah, but I feel like
• 10:30
  Speaker 5: very good. The three of us are such a good
• 10:32
  Speaker 5: like as a group anyway, that makes it.
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: It makes it easier and I'm like, yeah, he's definitely
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: doing that.
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: And then the extra but Andy, it worked out for
• 10:40
  Speaker 3: us because we went right down the street to where
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: one of our old restaurants has now become like a
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: sandwich restaurant.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: Was so good, nice but good, No, it was.
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: Delicious nice ten ten recommends we're gonna go back. Okay,
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: so you know it worked out for us to well.
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: That makes me feel even better. But I have to
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: say my heart was filled with warmth and affection.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: So I have you started it this week?
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: You promised us you would.
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: I will on Friday. It's on my calendar. I won't
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: let it go so bad again. Well anyway, anyway, thank
• 11:22
  Speaker 1: you so much. Tell your partner thank you too. Yes,
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: I really appreciated it. And listeners, please write in if
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: you can relate to any of this, If you have
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: any tips about any of this, because I am still
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: work in progress, but progress has been made. Email us
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: at Hello at stuff I Never Told You dot com.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: You can also find us on Blue Skype, Momster podcast
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: or in Instagram and TikTok at stuff I've Never Told
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: You for us on YouTube and we have a look
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: you can get here you get your books. Thanks and
• 11:50
  Speaker 1: always to our super dus Christina Exect to my ant architrict.
• 11:53
  Speaker 2: For Joey, Thank you and thanks you.
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: For listening Stuff I Never Told You production by heart Idio.
• 11:58
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• 11:59
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• 12:02
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