Latest / Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast / Ep. 46: "The imperfect level up" — Real talk on healing, self-love, & why "Becoming is Messy" with coach, speaker, & podcaster Meghann Dawson

Transcript

Ep. 46: "The imperfect level up" — Real talk on healing, self-love, & why "Becoming is Messy" with coach, speaker, & podcaster Meghann Dawson · Adventures in Adversity: an inspirational podcast

• 0:00
  Hello, we are back with another episode of the Adventures and
• 0:04
  Adversity Podcast. Some of you might know I am your
• 0:08
  host, many of you might not. Hopefully we got some new
• 0:11
  listeners here. My name is Bree Wilson and this
• 0:16
  podcast is really about turning adversity in any form into an
• 0:21
  adventure. So I bring people on like you,
• 0:25
  Megan, to talk about how you've done exactly that right, turned
• 0:30
  adversity into adventure. And in your case, now you are
• 0:34
  helping other people do the same.
• 0:36
  That's. Right.
• 0:37
  You're welcome. Well, thank you for having me.
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  Can I just say I love the title of your podcast Adventures and
• 0:43
  adversity. My podcast is becoming as messy
• 0:46
  and I feel we're kind of sister shows just honoring and, and
• 0:50
  accepting the ups and downs and and recognizing that with
• 0:53
  adversity comes opportunity and lessons and and all of the
• 0:57
  magic. So it's almost like you could.
• 1:00
  Adventure, You know life is full of adventures and adversity.
• 1:03
  And remember that becoming is messy.
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  Like, exactly. Yeah, they seem complimentary,
• 1:07
  right? At least at the heart of it.
• 1:09
  There's a core philosophy that I think is very similar.
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  So I'm excited to be here. Yeah, me too.
• 1:15
  And we can give Noah a shout out, sending us to each other.
• 1:20
  He told me about you and he sent me your your info and I was.
• 1:23
  Immediately, yes, absolutely. Oh yeah, I'm so excited.
• 1:28
  Yeah. I, I, I feel in this podcast the
• 1:30
  more, I mean, I'm only a few months in, but I just feel it's
• 1:34
  a very welcoming and connected community and I'm just so
• 1:39
  appreciative of the people I'm meeting.
• 1:41
  Aside from sharing my story, I have really had no idea of all
• 1:46
  of the interconnectivity and awesome people I was going to
• 1:48
  get to meet all along the way, so I am just loving it, yeah.
• 1:52
  Amazing. And congratulations.
• 1:54
  I was just looking at your podcast.
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  You've got 24 episodes, right? Yes, I just today, earlier today
• 1:59
  recorded the 25th, which really did feel like a milestone when
• 2:02
  that beginning. It's like am I going to be able
• 2:04
  to do this weekly? Little by little you just do and
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  it's just been a journey and I'm loving.
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  It it becoming is messy, right? Oh yeah, yeah.
• 2:14
  Yeah, which? I think we're going to get into,
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  but so let's, I'm going to give you the floor and obviously from
• 2:22
  the title of your podcast, from looking at your website, your
• 2:25
  Instagram, all of the things you are all about empowerment.
• 2:31
  You are all about going through and becoming who you're meant to
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  be. It's not all sunshine,
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  butterflies and roses, right? That's correct.
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  Yes. And so give me a little bit of a
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  background and you know, we're going to go all all the kinds of
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  places, but who are you? Yes.
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  Oh, wow, wow, thank you for asking that.
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  You know, you know I will. I will start from the now and
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  I'll and then I'll share a little bit for the background.
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  My philosophy is grounded in a lifetime of chronic trauma,
• 3:04
  which I'll share kind of the specifics about on a second.
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  But really that those lessons, I could have many crossroads in my
• 3:12
  life where I could have settled into being a victim and settled
• 3:17
  into continuing to self sabotage.
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  I have lots of that in my background, but really I have
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  just come to learn through the lessons in my life that life is
• 3:29
  going to throw you curveballs. There's just no way around it.
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  And once you accept that and just surrender to the idea that
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  we're all here for a unique experience and the hardships
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  that come our way are truly lessons to help us evolve to our
• 3:44
  highest power. And so for me, I really started
• 3:48
  getting that lesson about 10 years ago now.
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  So before that, I, again, I was born to a teenage mom.
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  So my, my background fully born to a teenage mom and instantly
• 4:00
  caught an infection at birth. And so that infection, you know,
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  wreaked havoc throughout my little body.
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  And I always say I really don't know a life without pain because
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  my my healthy body was only healthy for mere minutes and
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  then that infection took hold, which has led to shortened limbs
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  and arthritis and pain in all my joints.
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  I've eventually had my arms lengthened.
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  I had a leg shortened because my 2 legs were different.
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  Like it's things out of a movie that that people nobody really
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  relates to that per SE. However, the things that were
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  born out of that are, are are complementary to any child
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  that's been through types of trauma.
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  And so, you know, you add on to the medical trauma.
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  I also lived in a household with a father that was an alcoholic,
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  abusive to my young mom. And so my early childhood really
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  formed within me survival coping mechanisms.
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  I was both a survivor, but also the peacekeeper.
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  I was the oldest child in my household.
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  So, you know, you take while there's all these medical things
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  happening when when I was home, I really was protective of my
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  mom and my brothers. And so that really is Corey.
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  I don't know who I am without that.
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  So as I got older, that coping mechanism, those protective
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  things that I kind of build out of survival really turned into
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  kind of two paths. 1A A very deep perfectionism in me, you
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  know, you know, I've, I've very much come to learn.
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  I certainly didn't know this when I was, you know, in in
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  grade school, you know, but it really built within me, you
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  know, holes, deep holes within me of damaged self worth and
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  damaged self love that I tried to fill.
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  And I tried to fill that with achievement and perfectionism,
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  you know, getting really good grades out in the world, being
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  recognized by my teachers, being the top of my class, but then
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  also a need for acceptance from boys.
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  And so I very much had a childhood and then a teenage
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  years into adulthood of just seeking validation and
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  acceptance in all of the wrong places and very unhealthy
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  situations with boys, eventually unhealthy relationships,
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  narcissism, You know, my first marriage was a train wreck.
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  All the, all the fun stuff that comes with having to build that
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  early reaction to trauma. So kind of Long story short,
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  about over 10 years ago now, I, when I went through my first
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  divorce, the courage that that eventually kind of was born of
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  that process. Really it started with a
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  whisper, an inner kind of calling.
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  I, I would be up at night nursing my new baby and as I was
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  sitting in her nursery, I would just start hearing this little
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  voice within saying there's better.
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  It was just that it was that simple.
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  It was that just it, it would be easy enough to ignore.
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  It sure just was there and I knew it was there.
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  Flicker, yes, very much a flicker, but a flicker that as
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  quiet as it was, I mean, it's giving me goosebumps right now
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  just thinking about how strong that whisper was.
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  And it eventually got louder and other lessons started coming.
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  And really that was kind of the steps that led me to leave that
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  marriage, go on a journey of self love.
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  There's lots we'll talk about today in those steps, but really
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  that's now grown into my coaching system to help other
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  people, you know, address similar, you know, places I like
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  to say, you know, when they're in their messy middle, you know,
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  these are really the the key steps that can help them really
• 7:58
  get back and find themselves again.
• 8:00
  Wow, that's a lot to go through. Thank you for sharing that so
• 8:05
  openly. That's a lot to go through.
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  First of all, when you say physical challenges as a kid,
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  being a kid is tough, right? Yeah, yeah.
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  Have the physical pain on top of the adolescent development.
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  And then also to have the challenges at home.
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  I can see how that over time it culminates into at some point,
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  you can't sustain all of that, right?
• 8:34
  Yeah, exactly. All of that.
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  Yeah, very much yet, yet resilience were resilient
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  beings. And this has taken years of
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  therapy, reflection, all of this, all of the tools and
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  realizing that there were there were things that I was
• 8:53
  internalizing. There were things that as a
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  survivor, I was putting on a smile.
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  And, you know, I very much prided myself on being able to
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  survive these things and, you know, being able to succeed and
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  be good at school and, and, you know, and, and thriving as I
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  kind of went into college and getting a good job.
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  Like for years I really did think that I, I'd kind of
• 9:19
  overcome, sure, and dealt with that really good, you know, but
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  a lot of that was a fake mask. And you know, it took self
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  sabotage to finally realize that I I'd kind of been faking it a
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  bit, but. You mentioned you said these
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  traumatic things right over It's it's creates holes.
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  And then I think the therapist had told me once that we're sort
• 9:41
  of Swiss cheese, right? Oh.
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  That Swiss cheese, when we come into a certain age and then we
• 9:47
  start to try to fill it with, I could totally believe in healthy
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  relationships with food, the alcohol, the drugs, what
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  whatever it was for everybody, the perfectionism.
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  It doesn't, it goes right through the hole.
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  It doesn't actually. Yes, that's so true.
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  But you're like but I'm trying to fill them but.
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  Why is it? Not why is it not full yet?
• 10:07
  Yes, yes, and sometimes they create new holes.
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  You know, to me, self test sabotage starts down, you start,
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  you start traumatizing yourself with the choices you're making,
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  but then also the world that doesn't see your holes.
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  So I've even now like being so open with my story.
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  It's been really healing for my mom and I because she really had
• 10:27
  no idea how much all of this really was hurting me inside.
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  And I didn't either as as a kid, you know, I wouldn't have these
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  words. I, I didn't know my life was any
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  different than anybody else's. You know, from an outside
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  perspective, I was a smiley kid, you know, And so the people
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  around me also at the time didn't realize internally, you
• 10:49
  know, how hard my life was. And so I think there's just, you
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  know, some something to be learned, I think of how we view
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  each other because I think we all have some of those Swiss
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  cheese holes and they're you just don't always know or see
• 11:02
  them. Totally, and what's I I and I
• 11:06
  think podcasts like ours, right? Not to toot our own horns, but
• 11:09
  self love. That's right.
• 11:11
  The fact that we are the titles becoming as messy adventures and
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  adversity. It's OK, it's OK.
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  And more than we talk about it, the more we realize, like, I
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  don't think there's a human being on the planet that doesn't
• 11:24
  have some sort of Swiss cheese going on, right Pauses.
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  But so that's so it's amazing that you've gone from all of
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  that trauma to now. It must feel quite healing and
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  also rewarding to now be helping people.
• 11:43
  Yeah. Oh my gosh, yeah.
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  Been there about when did you have that realization of I want
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  to help people. Yeah, yeah, I think it's almost
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  always been there. I I do.
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  I did go to college, so my undergraduate degree is from
• 12:01
  Penn State and I have an undergraduate degree in
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  psychology. And so there was a part of me
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  when I was 1819 that was intrigued by that topic.
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  I think it was really driven by a curiosity of my own self and
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  just trying to understand all of these big things that I didn't
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  really understand yet. But after college, I ended up
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  just taking a break. I had always planned on going
• 12:24
  back and I ended up entering a career in association work and
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  it just took off. And it led to a career in adult
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  education, putting together really big conferences,
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  eventually executive coaching and helping people develop at
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  work. And it really, it's just, there
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  was just something innate about me and my experience that I've
• 12:45
  just always kind of been able to connect dots and be able to, you
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  know, see the strengths in people and them hone them.
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  And so I did it very much from professional lens for the last
• 12:55
  20 some years, you know, so that was part of it.
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  The other part of it was, you know, you know, I got divorced
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  from my first husband in 2012. And, you know, at that point, I,
• 13:09
  I would not imagine anybody turning to me for like personal
• 13:13
  guidance that I was a bit of a shit joke.
• 13:15
  I had, I certainly, I might have had the courage to get out of
• 13:18
  that marriage, but I still, I spiraled.
• 13:20
  I was still dating terrible people and jealous people and it
• 13:25
  just, it was a process. But slowly I did start forming
• 13:31
  lessons and awareness of life that was maybe a few levels
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  ahead of the other, some of the other people in my life and
• 13:39
  people did start to turn to me. So over time it really was
• 13:44
  informal. You know, girlfriends who I've
• 13:47
  I've helped quite a few of them now and held space and been
• 13:51
  there for them on their own journey of learning the same
• 13:55
  lessons I did. You know, that little inner
• 13:57
  voice telling you there's something better.
• 13:59
  And really to me, it's very much a journey to self love is is
• 14:03
  truly what it is. And, you know, for each of that
• 14:05
  us that looks a little different.
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  However, I do think that's that's all of our intention on
• 14:11
  earth is to find our path to self love.
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  And so as informally as I started doing that, you know,
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  more and more and more people just saying, you know, you're my
• 14:22
  informal life coach. That just became kind of a
• 14:24
  theme, you know, And then I had this pivotal, this pivotal
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  moment a few years back. I was 39 and I really thought
• 14:35
  that I had cracked the code of life.
• 14:37
  I was helping all these women in my life.
• 14:40
  My corporate career was going great.
• 14:42
  I just was really flowing and feeling high.
• 14:45
  And I, I felt OK, I've kind of completed the lessons.
• 14:48
  It's just going to be smooth sailing.
• 14:49
  And I said to my girlfriend, So from here on out, part of me is
• 14:53
  a little worried that life's going to feel boring because
• 14:56
  I've had such an upheaval of a life.
• 14:57
  How am I going to navigate consistency and healthy and
• 15:01
  yeah, all of the all of those things.
• 15:03
  Well, weeks later, I ended up finding out that my biological
• 15:08
  father, the guy who raised me, was not my biological father.
• 15:12
  And so I'm it's a term called NPE.
• 15:14
  I'm one of those people that found out on ancestry.com just
• 15:18
  doing my kind of heritage and stuff.
• 15:20
  And so carry on at 39. And honestly, it just set me
• 15:24
  right to the beginning to be. I mean, it just floored me.
• 15:28
  I, I was in a state of shock, identity stripped.
• 15:33
  It just was a massive thing where I don't even have words to
• 15:39
  really say because I was, I was in shock at 1st.
• 15:41
  And yeah, so anyway, long, long stories show where we can talk
• 15:45
  more about that if you'd like. But to me, that was another
• 15:48
  pivotal point because I had to walk those steps again.
• 15:51
  I, I didn't realize I was going to have to go through the
• 15:54
  healing journey once again, but I feel in doing so, it really
• 15:59
  reinforced for me the, the power of those lessons.
• 16:04
  And then even more so, more and more opportunities to help other
• 16:08
  people with them. That's kind of the last few
• 16:10
  years. It's just getting more and more
• 16:12
  clear from the universe. There's lessons to be learned
• 16:14
  from my experience. There's no way I could have this
• 16:17
  background with all of this craziness without kind of the
• 16:22
  mission to be able to share and help others.
• 16:24
  Yeah, it's interesting that you say you get to this.
• 16:28
  Great point. You kind of go, OK, yeah, I've,
• 16:31
  I've done it. I, I, I did it, yes, yes, yes.
• 16:35
  And then life just kind of hits you.
• 16:38
  Exactly. But that second time around, you
• 16:41
  know the path a bit more and you know you have toolbox, yes,
• 16:45
  that's right. Where you're like, OK, well, for
• 16:48
  this situation, which tool can I use for this one?
• 16:51
  And gets you to the next point. And then all right.
• 16:55
  And then you learn a new tool and it goes in your toolbox.
• 16:57
  And that's right, that's exactly how I visualize it.
• 16:59
  Right and then some tools are years old from some random thing
• 17:03
  you heard. Some are from therapy, some are
• 17:05
  from I'm sure as a coach you are always learning and and
• 17:08
  developing your coaching. Some are from your childhood,
• 17:12
  right? So you have toolbox of but one
• 17:15
  of my guests said you've got the lived experience and then the
• 17:18
  training of how to coach, right. So it's But that lived
• 17:22
  experience gives you so much empathy.
• 17:25
  Yeah, yeah, that's so true. I agree very much with that.
• 17:28
  I feel, I think empathy is is probably my #1 motivation is
• 17:34
  just I'm I'm constantly empathizing and coaching if I'm
• 17:39
  welcome to. Yeah, there's definitely a
• 17:42
  reciprocal nature that has to be present, but it just happens to
• 17:46
  me often. This is a common experience for
• 17:48
  those of us that describe ourselves this way is just open
• 17:51
  up to me all the time. I'm just constantly an ear to
• 17:55
  listen to because I have such such little judgement.
• 18:01
  Pretty much none. I love my friends all say if I
• 18:05
  do something terrible, the worst thing you can imagine.
• 18:08
  Oh yeah. So yeah.
• 18:11
  But it's true. Because you, you can, when you
• 18:14
  said earlier hold space. And I just learned that in the
• 18:17
  last couple of years, I'm like, what does that mean?
• 18:20
  You can you actually, there's a way where you can actually let
• 18:25
  people just let it out Where? So I'm here as long as you need
• 18:29
  let it out. Yes, that's really hard.
• 18:32
  Or there's people that you just feel like you can say it.
• 18:37
  Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
• 18:39
  I love a few of kind of the the thought leaders I follow, you
• 18:44
  know, I know Lennon Doyle Melton is coming to mind and and Brené
• 18:48
  Brown. But so I feel a mix of people
• 18:50
  have have some variations of the need to have you're different
• 18:55
  people in your life and knowing. So not everybody is owed your
• 18:59
  story. I'm certainly not saying that.
• 19:02
  And not everybody is the person you're going to share your
• 19:06
  hardest truth with, you know, But you know, you just have
• 19:09
  people in your life that you start realizing and I think it's
• 19:12
  so powerful. I mean, this really was a
• 19:14
  turning point for me. What part of kind of that
• 19:17
  whisper that I started hearing with my daughter, another big
• 19:21
  turning point was saying my darkest truths to the first
• 19:26
  person just verbalizing. And to me, that's been an
• 19:30
  evolution that I feel like a little teary thinking about that
• 19:33
  moment because it just was a powerful moment to just say my
• 19:38
  truth and the person that run and then just love me.
• 19:41
  And not everybody could have done that because it was, it
• 19:44
  was, it was hard stuff back then.
• 19:46
  And since then, I've just been so empowered to share more and
• 19:51
  more. But at the power of having at
• 19:53
  least one person that you can go to without judgement.
• 19:56
  You know, you can also have a circle.
• 19:58
  You know, I have a friend who she's who I go to when I need
• 20:01
  hard truth. You know, she's not my not
• 20:04
  judgement friend. You know, she's a different
• 20:06
  friend. You know, she's going to be hard
• 20:08
  on me, you know, and when I'm open to that and when it's a
• 20:12
  topic that I'm willing. To to be coached on and work
• 20:15
  through. I will go to her, you know, but
• 20:17
  sometimes I just need that holding space and I just need no
• 20:20
  judgement. And we all need at least one
• 20:23
  person that provides that to us. I love that because it kind of
• 20:27
  makes you think of if if you're lucky enough to have this circle
• 20:31
  of friends and then if you're lucky enough to have access,
• 20:34
  well, hopefully you do have access to some sort of therapy
• 20:37
  or code. Definitely not every person in
• 20:40
  that circle has to be the same. No, no.
• 20:43
  They're all different and you love the wall for different
• 20:46
  reasons, but the common denominator is they should all
• 20:48
  love you. Oh yeah, for for sure, yeah.
• 20:52
  And then they'll they'll, they'll show they're caring in
• 20:56
  different ways. Yes, Oh my gosh, totally.
• 20:58
  Yeah. And I and I think the same thing
• 21:00
  goes for your, your love relationship.
• 21:04
  They they can't be, they're part of this team.
• 21:08
  They're they're but just my two friends.
• 21:10
  They too play a role and they're they doesn't have to be every
• 21:14
  role. Because becoming is messy.
• 21:18
  That's right. Yes, exactly.
• 21:21
  Yeah. Becoming the best version of
• 21:22
  yourself. I'm so glad you brought that up.
• 21:25
  Whether you're husband or wife, partner, whatever, whatever
• 21:29
  companion you might have in your life, that is your love
• 21:32
  interest. They actually can't.
• 21:34
  I think maybe we're raised to think that that person magically
• 21:39
  solves all insecurities. And when you get married, all of
• 21:43
  your insecurities will just magically.
• 21:46
  That's so true. Yeah, it's so it's, it's no one
• 21:50
  really is going to complete you. They're going to help help you
• 21:55
  fill and identify those holes, or maybe they even reveal
• 21:58
  trigger. That so true.
• 22:00
  What? What is that hole?
• 22:02
  Yeah, that's right. And and they just play one of
• 22:04
  those, they just play one of those roles.
• 22:07
  If your listeners are ever looking on a for a resource kind
• 22:10
  of on that topic, Esther Perel is my favorite for this topic.
• 22:16
  She is so great. She's really who has shaped my
• 22:20
  understanding. She talks a lot about that.
• 22:23
  We used to have in society a real strong community and
• 22:28
  whether it was your neighbors or your church or, or you know,
• 22:32
  your work community, but it was just very much a team effort
• 22:35
  within your community. And somewhere along the way, we
• 22:39
  kind of talked about our person as the one.
• 22:42
  They have to be everything. They have to be your best
• 22:45
  friend. They have to be your lover.
• 22:46
  They have to be the funniest person in your life.
• 22:48
  They have to be your therapist. They have to be a great cook.
• 22:51
  They have to be in jobs 5050 at home.
• 22:54
  But it's just like nobody, nobody can be all of those
• 22:58
  things, you know. And so, yeah, I, I very much
• 23:03
  believe in, in each of us having our our little tribe.
• 23:07
  It doesn't have to be massive. You know, for me, I'm thinking,
• 23:09
  you know, three to five people. But those people, they're my
• 23:12
  team and they play a different role in my life.
• 23:16
  Oh yeah, they're they're it's, it's so important too.
• 23:20
  And I think those friendships and your, your intimate partner,
• 23:27
  family members as you, as I'm learning about myself and going
• 23:32
  through things and then becoming my more and more authentic, you
• 23:36
  start to appreciate the people, realize that the people you love
• 23:41
  being around bring out that most authentic version or they'll
• 23:44
  call you out. I was at the other day and she
• 23:48
  was like, yeah, I'm thinking about so.
• 23:51
  And so I kind of want to like go back to it.
• 23:54
  Yeah, we're, we're joking, right?
• 23:56
  Yeah, yeah. He starts laughing at him.
• 23:58
  I, I like, I don't even know what to do with what you're
• 24:00
  saying right now. We end up laughing.
• 24:02
  That's I love you, but hell no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 24:07
  Yeah, it's just because where she knows I'm going so, but only
• 24:12
  because you're on the journey with them and you're like, we're
• 24:13
  not doing this. We're not right.
• 24:15
  Yes, yes, and that's so that's a form of love, right and and and
• 24:20
  that friend is gonna realize she might have another friend that
• 24:23
  she knows she can call and tell that same story and that person
• 24:26
  is gonna just listen OK, they might be feeling that way.
• 24:30
  It's. Just for you.
• 24:31
  Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, you do you.
• 24:33
  OK, if that's feeling excited, exciting to you, then all right.
• 24:37
  Well, yeah, it's funny is maybe. 10 years ago I might not be able
• 24:41
  to be that friend that's so forthcoming because I did so to
• 24:45
  be mad, but I didn't even have enough self esteem to even
• 24:49
  understand what was happening. I just wasn't there yet.
• 24:51
  Now I see it and I'm like no, no, no, no, I'm all like no,
• 24:54
  that's a would. I'm sure you know I'm going to
• 24:56
  totally botch this quote. It's not, I'm not even going to
• 24:59
  call the quote because it's going to be a botched lesson.
• 25:01
  But there is some type of quote that that basically says you can
• 25:06
  either be uncomfortable and say the truth now and be
• 25:12
  uncomfortable for a minute and then let things get better.
• 25:16
  Or you can hold things in did not feel discomfort right now.
• 25:22
  But then you're, you're risking kind of discomfort and kind of
• 25:27
  an unhealthy narrative like for, for the rest of time.
• 25:30
  Yeah. You don't own it now.
• 25:32
  If you own it now, you just say it.
• 25:34
  And I'm a big believer in speaking your authentic truth.
• 25:37
  Yeah. I I never go to bed anymore with
• 25:40
  that feeling in your stomach of something unsaid that to me, I
• 25:43
  don't ever want that again. That's great.
• 25:46
  Well, and tell me how so as a coach, knowing that becoming is
• 25:52
  messy, like you said, and knowing that you must have all
• 25:54
  kinds of different clients, right?
• 25:56
  Different personality types, different situations.
• 26:00
  How as a coach do you sort of deliver that coaching in a way
• 26:08
  that is it the same for each client?
• 26:10
  Do you adapt? Tell me about as you're
• 26:13
  listening to these stories and and and tell me about sort of
• 26:16
  the services and how you approach that.
• 26:18
  Sure, yeah. So it's certainly not the same
• 26:21
  for every, but it's very individual coaching journey.
• 26:24
  You know, I, I, it's I do though.
• 26:27
  I have my framework at I, I just very, I very much believe at the
• 26:31
  heart of any coaching journey, at the heart of it, at least the
• 26:35
  people that in my life that I've worked with at the heart of it
• 26:39
  is really almost always, if not always tied to that self love
• 26:44
  journey. And I believe that the steps are
• 26:47
  generally the same. However, I don't believe that
• 26:51
  those steps are a linear straight line.
• 26:55
  I think that they are a forever cycle and, and on any given day,
• 27:00
  I believe that that any of us are likely going to benefit from
• 27:05
  from focusing on one of the steps.
• 27:07
  And so, you know, just a little bit more about what those steps
• 27:10
  are. You know, so my, my, I called my
• 27:13
  sister the imperfect level up. And so the I, the I call it
• 27:17
  imperfect because, you know, it's not one-size-fits-all.
• 27:22
  It is not a one and done, you know, although I did think it
• 27:25
  was until I found out about my biological dad.
• 27:27
  I thought I had graduated for my own made-up framework and.
• 27:32
  And then you're another mountain.
• 27:34
  Yes, yes, yes. So it's funny because the system
• 27:39
  that I've created, the system that got me out of a bad
• 27:41
  marriage and helped me on a path to self love and eventually a
• 27:45
  very healthy second marriage, the first healthy relationship
• 27:48
  in my life. You know, these are the steps I
• 27:49
  follow. These are the steps I've helped
• 27:51
  other women follow. It's funny though, because I
• 27:54
  discovered these same steps in so many ways in other people's
• 27:58
  teachings. I feel universally, I feel in
• 28:01
  many ways, those of us on this self love journey, once you kind
• 28:06
  of get to that point where you've, you know, really healed
• 28:09
  those Swiss cheese holes and have a love for yourself, I feel
• 28:13
  there's commonality in our experiences.
• 28:15
  It might look a little different, but so I'll be
• 28:17
  curious if these right, if you resonate with these at all, you
• 28:19
  know, So my level up system, the first one is again, listen to
• 28:23
  that inner voice when you start having that little nudge For me,
• 28:28
  when I've ignored it in the past, it has led to literal,
• 28:33
  literal eventually hits over the head.
• 28:35
  Those that'll be a story for another episode of two times in
• 28:38
  my life. I ignored it so long that it
• 28:41
  impacted my health and eventually, literally both times
• 28:44
  ended up in the ER because I literally got a hit over the
• 28:48
  head, which is crazy. But I, so I very much believe in
• 28:51
  the quote the universe speaks to and whispers, and then it gets
• 28:54
  louder and then it hits you over the head.
• 28:56
  And I I can prove that that's true.
• 28:58
  So anyway, at some point, yes. Yeah.
• 29:02
  So that's that. First one is just listening to
• 29:05
  that inner voice. So the next one is to examine
• 29:09
  your childhood as an observer to really start now as an adult, to
• 29:14
  be able to look at your trauma, your past experiences, your,
• 29:19
  your patterns of self destruction, you know, and
• 29:22
  really take a step back and look at those from a lens of
• 29:25
  compassion, almost like you're looking at somebody else's child
• 29:29
  or, you know, just somebody else you love and, and being more of
• 29:32
  a neutral observer. And that one, you know that I
• 29:37
  mean, I did that with therapist, you know, with a, with a team
• 29:42
  and then like definitely learn tools along the way to be able
• 29:44
  to do that in a Safeway. But really have finding that
• 29:48
  compassion for your childhood is so huge.
• 29:52
  The next one is valuing the lessons and valuing the lessons.
• 29:55
  For me, what I mean by that is to start honoring even the mess,
• 30:01
  especially the mess. So for me in my first marriage,
• 30:06
  my mess really started bubbling up as my bad patterns with men
• 30:12
  and nudge inside was telling me to leave the marriage, but I
• 30:15
  felt like I can't do that to my daughter.
• 30:17
  I signed up for this. I did this forever.
• 30:21
  However, the universe started sending man, man after man after
• 30:25
  man like I, I traveled for work and and every conference the guy
• 30:28
  at some point would say, do we have a connection?
• 30:31
  And of course they were the best looking.
• 30:33
  Oh my goodness, what are you doing to me?
• 30:35
  Universal for me having a lack of of really self worth that was
• 30:42
  a weak spot for me getting that validation, being in an unhappy
• 30:45
  marriage and having this kind of repeated pattern.
• 30:49
  So for a while I felt so much shame in those experiences that
• 30:52
  they became new secrets. They became a slippery slope for
• 30:57
  me of bad behavior started out as just like flirting and
• 31:01
  eventually it evolved to full blown affairs.
• 31:03
  And I I could keep doing that. And I thought about continuing
• 31:08
  to do that forever and just staying in a bad marriage and
• 31:10
  living 2 lives. But I finally decided to
• 31:13
  confront it and I finally decided to learn the lesson,
• 31:17
  even the messy one, and really break into this through my, with
• 31:22
  my therapy at the time with reading.
• 31:25
  That's when I found Astaire Perot who helped me understand a
• 31:28
  lot of the root causes of affair.
• 31:30
  And I, I tackled it and I, that doesn't mean I solved it doesn't
• 31:34
  mean it's fixed. Looked at it head on, looked at
• 31:37
  it head on and I looked at my role in it.
• 31:39
  I, I feel I could easily say, well, my husband's awful and
• 31:43
  totally, I'm just a marg girl that's going to stay with him.
• 31:46
  But I, I confronted it. So to me, that's probably the
• 31:48
  lessons. The next one is embrace the
• 31:53
  magic of the universe. So this was another one that
• 31:55
  happened during those days. So I started when I started
• 31:58
  confronting the hard lessons, I started recognizing
• 32:02
  synchronicities. It is a layer, right?
• 32:05
  You hear the voice when you start this healing journey.
• 32:08
  It's just it starts getting like magic.
• 32:10
  It's just, I mean, I have goosebumps.
• 32:13
  This conversation is going to be so many goosebumps because you
• 32:16
  know, it's just magical and I've seen it.
• 32:18
  I know it sounds way woo woo for some people.
• 32:21
  I know that one. I know it.
• 32:23
  I, I have experienced it yes. And I can see you Bree too.
• 32:27
  I can't wait to hear some of your thoughts on these because I
• 32:29
  can see you. Yeah.
• 32:31
  So this is a commonality that when you confront yourself, this
• 32:35
  has been a fun one. Like I, these are my favorite
• 32:37
  stories. You know, synchronicity is law
• 32:39
  of attraction. I've had so many cool
• 32:41
  experiences. But for me, what that is, is
• 32:44
  really just it's a hug from the universe showing me on the
• 32:48
  right, I'm on the right path and now in it.
• 32:51
  It happens all the time. Now where it.
• 32:53
  This was brand new to me back then, as I was as I was first
• 32:57
  confronting all of these things. So it's basically continuing to
• 33:01
  add to your tools, you know, like we talked about before, you
• 33:05
  know, you mentioned like, you know, there's these holes and
• 33:07
  you're shark finding all these different tools and you know,
• 33:10
  and it might you apply this one today, but then you this other I
• 33:14
  will be a forever. I will be a forever like
• 33:18
  contributor to my toolbox. I'm constantly, even though I,
• 33:21
  you know, as I have my coaching certification and yes, I help
• 33:25
  others, you know, but I've never done this work.
• 33:28
  You know, I am going to constantly be going back and
• 33:30
  forth to this, you know, setup. And so for me, it's constantly.
• 33:34
  So even this year I signed up for Somatic experiencing an 8
• 33:40
  week like a deep dive class yeah, so for me, that was my new
• 33:44
  my new tool this year, the the other one, whatever.
• 33:48
  And then the other two are I'm just looking at my my my sheet
• 33:53
  right here cuz I'm just not getting too excited.
• 33:56
  Yeah, yeah, Oh yeah, so you is unapologetically love your
• 34:00
  authentic self. So really here I here I feel
• 34:02
  like is your culmination and what I mean by this step, it
• 34:05
  really is the where you're able to tell at least one person.
• 34:10
  And so this step, when we get here, this picture of this in a
• 34:14
  coaching relationship, it's courage, It's getting to the
• 34:19
  point. So I would say the coach is
• 34:21
  probably a good start or a therapist, but finding evolving
• 34:26
  to a trusted friend, your partner, you know, that to me is
• 34:32
  again, it's a dirty. And I'm not saying you've
• 34:34
  cracked it all, but that's like a good sign that you're owning
• 34:37
  your story, you know? Yeah.
• 34:40
  And then the last one is pass your level up wisdom on, you
• 34:45
  know, once you've kind of gotten to that self love feeling,
• 34:49
  you've told your story to one person, you're starting to tell
• 34:52
  it to more people now. All of those steps, it's really
• 34:56
  helping others evolve into those and just supporting people to
• 35:00
  let them know that there's a path to self love.
• 35:04
  I love everything you're saying because it's so.
• 35:08
  It's literally such a empowering feeling when you can tell
• 35:15
  somebody that something that you were ashamed of or maybe still
• 35:19
  are ashamed of. Nah, I'm just going to say it.
• 35:22
  And then yes, they don't leave. Oh, on one of my episodes, I, I
• 35:28
  remember I recorded it. I just got on the mic.
• 35:30
  And then I was like, Ryan, I, I said that I have like CD stuff.
• 35:34
  And then I said, I, I take Lexapro.
• 35:35
  Yeah, yeah, I published it. And then, Oh, my God, for a
• 35:39
  couple minutes. And then, no, this is it's OK.
• 35:43
  And I have a little dialogue. Oh, my God.
• 35:45
  Yeah. And now I don't care at all.
• 35:47
  But it was a little I kind of felt wicked in front of the
• 35:50
  crowd. Oh my gosh, definitely is so
• 35:52
  true and it's gonna feel like that even if it's one person to
• 35:56
  start with it. Feels even just one person
• 35:58
  totally. But you're right though, even
• 36:00
  now, I mean, I, I'm an open book, but there's still like
• 36:05
  once in a while I'll be on a podcast and I'll get asked a
• 36:08
  question and I just start answering and then wait.
• 36:11
  I've never told anybody that story.
• 36:13
  You just start realizing and and on the flip side, I've had my
• 36:16
  own shows where I've certainly I've felt nervous to get
• 36:19
  published, but it's just I've had this and it is more times
• 36:22
  than not, those ones are the ones that I hear from somebody.
• 36:25
  And to me that is if if one person, if that story landed
• 36:30
  with one person and help them see they're not alone.
• 36:34
  Honestly, the the one-on-one in the beginning, not only did
• 36:38
  people not run, which I thought that it would just shun the
• 36:41
  world. You know, I thought in some
• 36:43
  ways, you know what our shadows are our dark parts.
• 36:48
  We often feel there's so much worse than anybody else.
• 36:51
  Like what he could be as bad as you know, nobody.
• 36:53
  How else, you know, where, you know, when I started telling
• 36:57
  people just would share their own.
• 36:59
  And you know, and I've come to learn, you know, nobody doesn't,
• 37:03
  nobody is getting through life without something that's brought
• 37:07
  them shame or, you know, kind of like put a Ding on their self
• 37:12
  worth. And if you tell it, if you kind
• 37:15
  of take the step to be able to do that, like it just unlocks,
• 37:19
  it helps other people be free to do the same.
• 37:21
  And so that's where I feel passing on this knowledge and
• 37:24
  helping other people get comfortable doing the same to
• 37:27
  me. That's that's how we all help
• 37:29
  heal the world. It's amazing.
• 37:31
  Well, if you think about it, you and I both have podcasts.
• 37:34
  You're helping people professionally as you're full
• 37:36
  time and you left corporate, which is amazing and this is
• 37:40
  your job. Think about the whoever first
• 37:44
  started this whole let's get on mics and talk about stuff that
• 37:48
  no one talks about. Thank you because.
• 37:51
  Now I think, yes, yeah, I know, I know.
• 37:54
  It's amazing, isn't it? I I feel so bad for men, women I
• 38:00
  think 5060 years ago who couldn't share all this.
• 38:05
  Yeah, yeah, definitely. Just for me, once you start the
• 38:10
  journey, I didn't realize how I guess not authentic I was being,
• 38:15
  I mean, I thought I was being authentic of.
• 38:17
  Course, but I was. Actually, you're kind of being
• 38:20
  phony because you're turning yourself down because I'm a lot
• 38:25
  like I. That's even when I say that
• 38:26
  that's sort of something I'm a lot in my friends.
• 38:29
  No, I get it. Yeah, yeah.
• 38:30
  But we're told we're a lot. I feel that's another thing
• 38:33
  that's common. I find on on podcasts.
• 38:36
  A lot of us, we get to the point where we do want to leave
• 38:39
  corporate because we've actually been told that we're too much.
• 38:42
  It's like, yeah, like, please bring your authentic self to
• 38:45
  work, but dial her down. And it's, you know, so I feel
• 38:49
  we're just raised to be like that.
• 38:50
  But I, I, I'm hopeful. I've, I have three teenagers and
• 38:55
  I really do see such a difference in, you know, the
• 38:58
  world they're growing up in. You know, there's certainly
• 39:01
  plenty of other problems, but I, I feel OK, you know, but but as
• 39:05
  far as emotional intelligence and self love, they have the
• 39:10
  language, you know, they do, they do.
• 39:14
  Oh yeah, my kids are like, yes, mom, we did our affirmations.
• 39:18
  Right. I know I was just telling a
• 39:20
  story earlier today about my daughter.
• 39:22
  She's now almost 17. And but when she was like, I was
• 39:26
  having a meltdown on a stressful day and I went into her room and
• 39:29
  she was just like taking these really deep breaths.
• 39:31
  And I was like, are you OK? And she was like, I'm just
• 39:35
  breathing in calm and breathing out bad feelings.
• 39:39
  She never even was taught that I'm like, who are you?
• 39:41
  Like you're so wise. Let me write that down.
• 39:45
  You're she's actually regulating herself.
• 39:47
  Yes, yes, on her own. Once part of this journey when
• 39:52
  now when I see having done therapy and by the way,
• 39:56
  investing in traditional therapy, I've done coaching.
• 39:59
  Worth every penny if you're listening to this and you're
• 40:02
  thinking about it. I mean, it's literally life
• 40:06
  altering. Life altering.
• 40:08
  And not to say there aren't some sessions where I cried, but we
• 40:11
  heard about coaching and therapists.
• 40:13
  They don't care. That's they don't care.
• 40:15
  You are. You're not afraid of emotions
• 40:19
  and you're here to help. Yeah, yeah.
• 40:21
  I often think I was telling you that I did somatic experiencing
• 40:25
  this year and really to me tackling your nervous system
• 40:29
  again. I there was just so many things
• 40:30
  that I thought that I had were healed, but it was just surface
• 40:33
  level and going through those practices.
• 40:35
  And I think almost all of us in the class cried at some point.
• 40:39
  And that was a big theme was if there, if you are getting tears,
• 40:43
  if it, if it's hard in general in these practices, that means
• 40:49
  you got to keep going there. A lot of us, I've come to learn
• 40:51
  about myself that sometimes I use humor right when it starts
• 40:56
  getting too hard. And I used to think that it was
• 40:59
  relatable. I used to think, but it's
• 41:01
  sometimes it's at the wrong time.
• 41:03
  Sometimes you just let yourself feel and cry and be real, yeah.
• 41:07
  I definitely do that, yeah. Not that we shouldn't, it does
• 41:12
  connect us, but it's another one of those where I think just
• 41:15
  being curious and recognizing, what if I had just let that
• 41:18
  topic go a little bit longer, Could that have been a little
• 41:21
  bit of a breakthrough for you or could it have been a
• 41:23
  breakthrough for the other person?
• 41:25
  Feeling it a little longer and then make the joke after you
• 41:28
  fully. Yeah, yeah.
• 41:31
  And how would you say as a coach, how does somebody know if
• 41:35
  you're dealing with it? Yeah, this.
• 41:37
  One, to be honest I don't have a perfect answer.
• 41:40
  I wish I did because I still struggle with this.
• 41:42
  Me personally with the difference between being calm or
• 41:47
  being in the prolonged state of fawn or freeze and what I've
• 41:51
  come to learn and I've seen with other women is a level of
• 41:56
  exhaustion is a good. I'm not going to say it's a,
• 41:59
  it's a perfect, it solves it 100%, But I think it's a really
• 42:03
  good one is if you're exhausted all the time, that likely means
• 42:09
  that your nervous system, you know, something's off that
• 42:13
  that's draining you. And so I feel that's a good one.
• 42:16
  Also just kind of the normal you're eating, sleeping, those
• 42:21
  kind of functions, just checking in on those once in a while and,
• 42:25
  and asking yourself if those are are generally normal for you.
• 42:30
  It's going to be different for everybody, but generally, do you
• 42:33
  have an appetite or do you feel you're not using food and as a
• 42:38
  healing mechanism? So I feel to me, those are some
• 42:41
  of the best indicators that I see work for people in in
• 42:45
  recognizing something is off. I've certainly had that myself.
• 42:49
  I remember when I found out my dad wasn't my dad.
• 42:52
  I've been going to therapy for months and and she was asking,
• 42:56
  you know, are you doing better? How are you doing?
• 42:58
  And I said, yeah, I think I'm I think I'm doing good.
• 43:00
  And she's like, well, how are you sleeping?
• 43:02
  And I said, oh, I'm not sleeping.
• 43:04
  How are you eating? Oh, I'm not really eating, but
• 43:08
  I'm so good. Yeah.
• 43:09
  And so I'm just checking in on those things.
• 43:11
  Another one is as you build those safe people, there are
• 43:15
  really good litmus tests. I and I, this takes us a trusted
• 43:19
  relationship. But in that period in my life,
• 43:23
  people. But when I admitted that that
• 43:24
  what happened in therapy, people opened up and said you haven't
• 43:28
  been yourself, you're not laughing, you're not.
• 43:30
  And the people sometimes see it beyond you.
• 43:33
  The people in your day-to-day life, I feel, would see that.
• 43:36
  They're the barometer because they they know when you're, when
• 43:39
  you're you. Yeah, yeah.
• 43:41
  They love you. Yes, exactly, exactly.
• 43:45
  When you're doing this work, whether or not I, I don't have
• 43:49
  the right words, it's, it's I, I don't like to view things as
• 43:51
  good or bad anymore. I feel like life is like a flow.
• 43:54
  It's life is just happening. And when you're doing this work,
• 43:58
  there's just a flow to it that I like to say that if you're
• 44:01
  tapped into the flow of life and when you're tapped into the flow
• 44:03
  of life, you're eating, you're sleeping, you know, you feel
• 44:07
  your best. You just have this ease to your
• 44:10
  life. Life doesn't feel hard, even
• 44:12
  though it might be hard things but but that flow of life really
• 44:17
  gets you to a place where not many things feel hard.
• 44:21
  That's another good check in. That's a great one that finding
• 44:25
  that rhythm right and it's the self love.
• 44:29
  You're showing yourself love by putting yourself to bed.
• 44:32
  Feeding yourself. Yes, that's.
• 44:34
  Right. It's OK to think of yourself as
• 44:38
  a kid. Your inner child is in there.
• 44:40
  Are you nurturing that inner child?
• 44:43
  And honestly, the whole self love thing, I remember way back
• 44:47
  when I first heard, I don't know why.
• 44:51
  I remember hearing Rosie O'Donnell say it in the yeah,
• 44:56
  remember her in the 90s when I was a teenager.
• 44:59
  Well, you gotta love yourself before you love other people.
• 45:01
  And I remember thinking why, why I why do you, why can't you just
• 45:08
  love the other? You don't need to love yourself.
• 45:10
  You can still love. I actually was.
• 45:11
  I don't know if I necessarily believe that.
• 45:14
  Oh, it's it's you're so much more present with others when
• 45:20
  you aren't rejecting and hating yourself.
• 45:22
  That's right, yeah. Then.
• 45:25
  You're actually loving the other person because you're like, I
• 45:27
  love me and that love is spilling over onto you.
• 45:30
  That's so true, yes. Yes, it's like you're oozing
• 45:33
  that love then. Yet I also think the flip of
• 45:37
  when you love yourself, you set the bar for how other people
• 45:42
  love you. So you set the bar of your
• 45:44
  ability to love others. How do you love others if you
• 45:47
  don't love yourself is 1. But then on the flip of that, I
• 45:50
  mean, I this was totally my background was just time and
• 45:53
  time again. Why are men so awful to me?
• 45:56
  Well, I don't love myself and I'm teaching them how to treat
• 46:01
  me. And so yeah, I mean, it just
• 46:04
  when you really break it down, it does make so much sense.
• 46:07
  It's just, it's, it's a, it's a lot to wrap your brain around if
• 46:12
  you if you haven't felt that because you don't know it yet.
• 46:16
  Totally. Especially in my 20s before I
• 46:18
  met my husband and he knows I was just a hot mess.
• 46:21
  And I was completely dependent upon mail validation and was
• 46:25
  seeking it. Yeah.
• 46:27
  And that was try to fill the Swiss cheese.
• 46:29
  And then it was a very low ticket price.
• 46:32
  The tickets. Oh, yeah.
• 46:34
  I mean, hey, but now, well, I'm married now too.
• 46:38
  Now even just for friends. I'm not.
• 46:41
  I have AII, just without sounding arrogant or whatever.
• 46:45
  I have a standard because I didn't used to.
• 46:49
  Yes, All right. That's right.
• 46:53
  Oh, I love. Yes, yes, yes.
• 46:55
  You didn't. You didn't have it.
• 46:56
  What I'm hearing in you is, you know, standards and boundaries
• 47:01
  you have if you have, if you have none.
• 47:03
  And then when other people are kind of sucking away your energy
• 47:06
  and people are annoying you, well, you've kind of made it
• 47:10
  possible for it to be a free for all wild, Wild West.
• 47:13
  It's so it's so needed to have standards and boundaries. 100%
• 47:18
  yeah. So no, everything you're saying
• 47:21
  is just so resonating. And I think the more and more I
• 47:25
  think we share just that because I think sometimes too, you hear
• 47:29
  you listen to a podcast or see someone or meet a coach and
• 47:31
  you're like, gosh, you're, you're feeling like you seem
• 47:35
  like you love yourself and you work on yourself.
• 47:37
  I'm just not there yet. And so telling the stories of,
• 47:40
  yeah, couldn't get out of bed or still happens sometimes where
• 47:44
  that thing and then you spiral a little and then wait.
• 47:47
  Now hold on, I have a tool for this.
• 47:49
  Just get up. Get up, take a shower.
• 47:51
  You have to, yes. You'll have to talk yourself
• 47:53
  through it. Oh my gosh, yeah, it does.
• 47:55
  Is that part. It never is going to stop.
• 47:58
  You are your forever project. And however, these tools that
• 48:02
  we've been talking about, I feel keep you kind of fine-tuned and,
• 48:07
  you know, you just, you need maintenance.
• 48:09
  And then, and then those days that you're talking about that
• 48:12
  are hard, you just start knowing that they serve a purpose and
• 48:17
  you honor them. I don't judge myself now.
• 48:19
  I, I, to be honest, I have days where I love to cry.
• 48:23
  I just have a release I need, I mope around, I wear sweatpants,
• 48:28
  I listen to sad music and I'm just in this angsty kind of
• 48:32
  feel. But I know I need it.
• 48:34
  And I know if I just feel it, it's going to work through and
• 48:38
  it's going to help me grow through it.
• 48:40
  And it's going to be I'm going to be past it much sooner than
• 48:44
  if I tried to shame myself and not feel all those feelings.
• 48:47
  Yes, yes, it's, it's going to come out one way or the other.
• 48:52
  I, I have the same way I'll be sometimes when I'm using one of
• 48:55
  my tools, like going outside with a cup of coffee and just
• 48:59
  listening to the birds. Sometimes I'm when everything's
• 49:01
  great, I just start bawling. Yeah, yeah.
• 49:04
  How? Far I've come.
• 49:05
  Right, it's so. You think of, gosh, I remember
• 49:08
  when I was sitting out here and I was a mess.
• 49:09
  And then you're just it's OK, it's OK being.
• 49:14
  Human, human. Yes, there's yeah, crying is
• 49:18
  good for us. It's feeling, you know, to me,
• 49:20
  it's sometimes I cry in awe. I love the feeling of awe and
• 49:23
  just the nature and and being seeing a sunset and just the
• 49:29
  right moment of breeze going by the perfect temperature and then
• 49:33
  the nice sky and it's just overwhelming.
• 49:37
  And I really, I feel this conversation is making me feel
• 49:40
  that as as you do that self love journey, I feel you feel all of
• 49:46
  the feelings deeper. And I, and for some people that
• 49:51
  might be a little scary at first, but it really to me, it
• 49:56
  just enriches life so much to love yourself enough to welcome
• 50:01
  whatever feeling you need in any given minute.
• 50:05
  So good, so good. It does.
• 50:07
  It does deepen all the things deepens your your friendships,
• 50:12
  your relationships, like the the breeze feels more beautiful.
• 50:17
  The honestly, at this point, the birds.
• 50:19
  I can get emotional being lately I'm alive even It's just the
• 50:24
  sense of awe because it's almost a message of if you're hearing
• 50:28
  this and you are. Yeah, I can't get out of bed.
• 50:30
  The birds aren't. I'm not in awe of the birds
• 50:31
  right now. OK, I'm pissed off or whatever.
• 50:36
  Know that like the dark times make the light brighter.
• 50:40
  Everything tastes weird when you do the work.
• 50:43
  The sense of gratitude for because you know what it's like
• 50:47
  to be. Yes, yes, for me today I'm kind
• 50:52
  of in that birds chirping kind of awe.
• 50:54
  I'm just in a great energy space today.
• 50:56
  But I there there's no doubt that in the next few days I'm
• 51:00
  going to be in that mopey, darker place.
• 51:03
  It really is cyclical throughout the week.
• 51:05
  I almost always have a day throughout the week that's just
• 51:08
  a day where I'm off. I'm either sad or just kind of a
• 51:11
  little, just a little angry or annoyed for so for some reason.
• 51:15
  And my family too realizes that, you know, on those days, I just
• 51:20
  need alone time. I just need my time to do what I
• 51:23
  need to do. Maybe take a longer shower,
• 51:25
  maybe take a nap, maybe go for a walk, but just allow myself to
• 51:29
  have that when I'm not gonna feel bad about that and it's
• 51:32
  gonna pass. Yeah, it's the human condition,
• 51:34
  right? Yeah, yeah, very much.
• 51:37
  Yeah, I agree. And the great thing is, and I
• 51:41
  know we're coming up to an hour here and I'm I'm you're, you're
• 51:44
  coming back for sure. I'm just.
• 51:45
  I would. I would love to, I have so much
• 51:48
  fun talking to you. We're going to go into specific
• 51:50
  topics, but I think this is a great introduction to and I want
• 51:55
  to read a few titles from your podcast.
• 51:57
  Too Please. Thank you.
• 51:59
  Is Messy by Megan Dawson Yesterday you published
• 52:03
  Obsessed, Anxious and calling it love.
• 52:06
  Welcome Limerance. Yes, have you ever heard of
• 52:09
  Limerance brief? Oh my gosh, this one is was a
• 52:11
  new one to me this year. So yes, you'll have to check
• 52:14
  that out. But limerance is is kind of an
• 52:19
  obsessive crush. Is, is really when you have a
• 52:23
  crush on somebody and it really becomes dropped of to your life.
• 52:27
  And I, if that has been a story of my life is, is having those
• 52:30
  experiences and always feeling off.
• 52:33
  This is such a great connection. It must be love and it's just,
• 52:36
  it can be disruptive and I'm just being able to name it and
• 52:39
  understand it has really been helpful for me.
• 52:43
  It it sounds like on your on your podcast too, you're looking
• 52:47
  at 5 gut check questions for anyone in a messy relationship
• 52:50
  crossroad. You're looking at all of these
• 52:54
  emotions and naming them and how to navigate them.
• 52:57
  Right. So cool.
• 53:00
  Yeah, the calm mess nutrition for a healthier brain and
• 53:03
  happier life. I'm gonna dig into these on my
• 53:06
  next walk for sure because. I was.
• 53:10
  Actually awesome. Now.
• 53:12
  We're now I got we got the vibe too, so I can be like, that's my
• 53:17
  friend. Hey, oh, I'm so excited for you
• 53:20
  and I, I welcome feedback. You know, I feel no fellow
• 53:23
  podcaster or, or any of your listeners, you know, I is there
• 53:26
  other topics or, you know, and vice versa.
• 53:28
  I'd love to just stay connected. But you know, the first, the
• 53:32
  first bunch of episodes, I really go deep into that level
• 53:35
  up system. And so like I go into kind of
• 53:38
  where they came, each of them came from the stories behind it.
• 53:41
  And then eventually I welcomed guests on the show.
• 53:44
  And then once in a while I go, I go back to solo episodes.
• 53:47
  And so the five, the five questions, one was truly the
• 53:51
  five questions that my therapist posed to me when I was trying to
• 53:56
  decide if I was going to leave my first husband.
• 53:59
  And I've, I've passed those on to, you know, a ton of people,
• 54:03
  you know, whether you're, you know, a coaching client or women
• 54:06
  in my life, but they are so pivotal and, and so helpful for
• 54:11
  people that are at that crossroads and feeling, should I
• 54:13
  stay or should I go? Oh, they're really helpful in
• 54:15
  that. Amazing.
• 54:18
  Well, I'm going to end with two questions.
• 54:20
  One question, what is your favorite coping tool when you're
• 54:25
  feeling kind of when you're when you're going through the life,
• 54:29
  the becoming is messy life. And then #2 what was the second
• 54:33
  question I was going to ask you? Where can people find?
• 54:37
  I'm going to put all this in the show notes, but yeah, yeah.
• 54:39
  Where can people find you and tell me anything that's going on
• 54:43
  with your coaching business and then we will invite you back to
• 54:47
  go into probably specific stories if you don't.
• 54:49
  Yeah, yeah, I would, I would love that, you know, so first,
• 54:52
  you know, my first kind of my favorite go to, you know, tool
• 54:56
  in my toolbox. I'm going to actually give 2
• 54:59
  because I'd love to give a shout out to a more formal one.
• 55:02
  But really my in my day-to-day, it truly is music.
• 55:05
  I music for me is so cathartic and healing and so so I really I
• 55:12
  use music as my go to to really inspire the feelings and enhance
• 55:17
  the feelings that I want to feel.
• 55:19
  You know, so I mentioned some of these, it's a sad song and I
• 55:22
  just love that. So just enhance and it really
• 55:24
  helps me work through whatever I'm trying to feel other time
• 55:28
  trying to get pumped up for something and you know, and
• 55:30
  that's going to be an energized it's going to be something that
• 55:33
  I use to enhance whatever I'm trying to feel.
• 55:35
  I. Love that enhance that's a any
• 55:38
  way to enhance that? Yes, but then the formal tool
• 55:42
  that I discovered this year that I've now I go to now once a
• 55:46
  month is something called craniosacral therapy.
• 55:50
  And it's kind of like massage therapy, but it's a gentler
• 55:54
  touch and it's specifically for your nervous system And for me
• 56:00
  it has been a game changer. I, I, I, I'm just in love with
• 56:04
  it. And so for anybody, especially
• 56:06
  with deep trauma background, you know, just just to have a tool
• 56:09
  to rely on that's a consistent 1 to just help, you know, give a
• 56:13
  little extra consistency and love to your nervous system.
• 56:17
  You know, because it is such a deep embedded thing to try to
• 56:20
  solve and, and it's just not a one and done.
• 56:23
  And by giving it regular intention is huge.
• 56:26
  So I couldn't recommend that more.
• 56:29
  As far as where to find me, Megan Dawson Calm is my website.
• 56:34
  You know, on that website, you know, you can sign up for a
• 56:37
  weekly newsletter that I send out.
• 56:40
  And then you could also read about more about my coaching.
• 56:44
  I also do speaking. And so I am, you know, starting
• 56:48
  to speak whether it's at, you know, kind of woman's
• 56:51
  conferences. I do a mix of trauma audiences,
• 56:56
  you know, so sometimes associations for actual trauma
• 56:59
  survivors or parents and caregivers of, of trauma
• 57:03
  survivors to give them some of these tips, but then also court
• 57:07
  in a corporate setting. So kind of that leveled up
• 57:10
  system. I also have applications for
• 57:13
  trauma at work, whether it's, you know, a company going
• 57:15
  through massive layoffs, you know, the people left behind are
• 57:19
  traumatized. And So what are some tools to
• 57:22
  get them back to really kind of a healthy state within their
• 57:26
  workplace and be able to really kind of get back on track.
• 57:30
  It's an area that a lot of workplaces overlook and don't
• 57:33
  give attention to that mental health side.
• 57:35
  And so I love to be able to bring that into the corporate
• 57:38
  setting too. And then the Becoming as Messy
• 57:42
  podcast that we've talked about. So that releases every Tuesday.
• 57:45
  We just recorded episode 25 today, which I'm super proud of.
• 57:49
  So that will that will we'll go live next week and I, I'm super
• 57:54
  excited to get that out in the world and just keep sharing
• 57:57
  that. I would add to I'm always
• 57:59
  looking for great stories and real stories and love to have
• 58:04
  new guests on. So there's a place on my website
• 58:06
  also for people to sign up if they're interested in exploring
• 58:10
  being a guest on the show. Amazing, amazing.
• 58:13
  I can't thank you enough. I'm so so happy we connected.
• 58:17
  Love your energy. I love what you're doing for the
• 58:20
  world. The coach I went to, healing her
• 58:23
  stories, she helped change my world.
• 58:26
  And so coaching is just such a good investment.
• 58:30
  I can't. I literally it's a gift to
• 58:32
  yourself and then a gift to everybody who literally
• 58:34
  interacts with you. Well, thank you so much for
• 58:37
  that, Bree. I loved our conversation.
• 58:38
  I would love to come back and I just so appreciate just your
• 58:41
  encouragement and supportive words and great questions.
• 58:44
  It just was such a fun conversation.
• 58:46
  I love it. I'm just I'm chatty.
• 58:49
  I love to talk about healing and then I'm I'm obsessed with
• 58:52
  people who help people heal because you guys are gifts to be
• 58:57
  able to create that space for some really heavy stuff and then
• 59:00
  it turns into people going on to live amazing lives despite what
• 59:04
  happened to them. Oh yeah, my gosh, definitely.
• 59:06
  And that's so possible. One other thing I would like to
• 59:08
  add is that whoever, whoever is listening to this, that there's
• 59:12
  no need to fix yourself. Spent so long trying to thinking
• 59:16
  I could fix myself and really all you need is curiosity and a
• 59:21
  healing mindset and just, you just keep on repeating those two
• 59:24
  things. Just being curious about your
• 59:27
  own healing needs and really trying to identify those Swiss
• 59:30
  hold cheeses and reaching out and and continuing to learn and
• 59:34
  be curious about the tools available to do that it it
• 59:37
  really does lead to such an abundant life.
• 59:41
  Totally. I literally, I'm gonna make the
• 59:43
  cheesiest joke ever right now. Literally.
• 59:46
  Perfect, you can go. From for me, I went from the
• 59:48
  Swiss cheese to the breach. Yeah, it's more solid, but yes.
• 59:53
  Cookie. Yeah.
• 59:54
  Well, I hate, I hate Swiss cheese and I love Breeze, so
• 59:57
  that sounds incredible. Yeah.
• 1:00:00
  Well, thank you. Megan, this was amazing.
• 1:00:03
  I'm going to link to all of your pages and Instagram and Spotify
• 1:00:07
  links and all that to your podcast and your website in the
• 1:00:11
  show notes. And again, remember what Megan
• 1:00:15
  says, becoming is messy, but she can help you with with that
• 1:00:19
  journey. So thanks again, Megan.
• 1:00:21
  Thank you. Thank you.