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Why They Get Meaner the Older They Get · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:01
  So why do narcissist or toxic people get angrier the older
• 0:07
  that we get? Because I'm a diagnosed
• 0:09
  narcissist, right? Why do they get angrier or
• 0:13
  meaner as their looks and charm tend to fade?
• 0:18
  What goes on inside the mind of a narcissistic person or a
• 0:21
  manipulator? Manipulative person?
• 0:23
  If you're here, I'm Lee Hammock. I'm a diagnosed narcissist.
• 0:25
  Welcome to another episode of the Narcissist Code.
• 0:28
  Let's get it. I missed the intro, y'all.
• 0:48
  I had to bring it back today just for today.
• 0:51
  I missed the intro. What's up, y'all?
• 0:53
  The aging manipulator, the aging abuser, the aging charming,
• 0:59
  narcissistic person. What goes on inside the mind of
• 1:03
  somebody like this as they get older, right?
• 1:05
  So you got to ask yourself a question right?
• 1:06
  Now, let me ask you the question.
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  Have you ever noticed that the person who used to be charming
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  and perfect is like suddenly becoming a nightmare now that
• 1:15
  they're getting older? Now they got a little crow's
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  feet or wrinkles and things like that, Huh, Like right now they
• 1:23
  used to be cool, right? They used to be narcissistic,
• 1:25
  but they used to be kind of they used to be tolerable.
• 1:28
  You, you you used to could tolerate them, but now they are
• 1:32
  they now they more critical. They bitter as hell.
• 1:35
  They lash not at you for no reason.
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  The look the smallest thing sets them Oh I appreciate it.
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  The smallest thing sets them off.
• 1:46
  The Grinch turns an old geezer Yes yes yes.
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  The smallest thing just makes them blow the hell up.
• 1:54
  Why is that? Have y'all noticed that before
• 1:57
  right? Why why is that look as a as a
• 2:01
  diagnosed narcissist that is getting older I am getting
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  older. I'm look, I'm, I'm 40, I'm 40
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  years old right now, be 41 actually in two months, which is
• 2:11
  crazy, right? Like I've experienced this and
• 2:16
  it really is a fear of losing the ability to get one to one of
• 2:20
  the reason is, is the fear of losing that ability to get
• 2:23
  narcissistic supply. What's going on, Julissa?
• 2:26
  It really is. That's one of the main things.
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  It's one of the main fears that narcissistic people experience.
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  Like if I, not me per SE, but like if I am accustomed to being
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  charming and getting right and getting narcissistic supply from
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  people because of how I look, And now that my looks are
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  fading, now that I'm not as charming now I don't get as many
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  compliments that fear sets in, right?
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  So that fear sets in. And when that fear sets in, they
• 3:00
  turn, they they lose their damn minds.
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  As the fear grows, you will start to see this person change
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  their personality type. You will start to see this
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  person get angry and aggravated. Like Miss Miss Katz says.
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  They get meaner as they age. That's what the term grumpy old
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  men and women come from, right? It seems coincidental, but yeah,
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  that's what goes on right here. Y'all.
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  They get meaner. Like, it's just like I, I lose
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  the ability to get narcissistic supply.
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  I feel like if I'm in a relationship, not me, but if I'm
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  in a relationship, I feel like this is the only person that's
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  going to want me and how dare me.
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  How dare me only be able be only able to get one narcissistic
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  supply source, right? How dare, how dare I.
• 3:44
  So they take it out on you. The closest person to them gets
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  the worst treatment, right? The closest person to them gets
• 3:53
  the worst treatment. And if I have based my value on
• 3:57
  how people perceive me and now I'm thinking that people
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  perceive me as less than or they don't notice me because I'm
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  older, man, I'm lose it. It is like like I really do lose
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  it like because it time becomes an enemy, right?
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  Time becomes an enemy, like time is an enemy to a narcissistic
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  person. Time and you because I can't
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  personally fight time or have narcissistic rage episodes
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  against time. Guess what I do?
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  I take it out on you, the closest person to me, the wife,
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  the husband, the children, the friends, the coworkers, the
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  employees. You get it, because I can't
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  literally find time. Time, come here.
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  I'm a beat your ass that that's impossible.
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  I can't be. I can't fight time, right?
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  I can't fight time. This is not what goes on right
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  here. I can't fight it.
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  So it's just like this part of it.
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  So when you're dealing with a manipulator or a narcissistic
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  person or a toxic person or abusive person, this is where
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  they go. This is where they go.
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  This is the the way the mind goes right here.
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  If I'm used to having to be able to control the room with my
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  looks or my appeal, and now I can no longer do that, I'm going
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  to be angry as hell. I'm going to turn into that
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  grumpy old man, a grumpy old person, right?
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  This what happened. This is what goes on right here.
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  You know what I mean? This is how their minds work.
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  So if you're in a relationship with somebody like this, you got
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  you see what I'm saying? If you're in a relationship like
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  somebody like this, you're going to feel it.
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  You are because like, it's like one thing about your appearance,
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  like how I look, I can't control this, right?
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  This is genetics. This is my, my, my mom, plus my
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  dad and all my other ancestors, right?
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  So if they can't control that, they're going to lose their damn
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  minds. Like you're going to get the
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  worst version of this person right here, right?
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  Because if I'm so accustomed to being attractive and being able
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  to control stuff, my, my smile used to win over the room and
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  now I can no longer do that, man.
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  Now I feel useless. I feel worthless.
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  Your partner feels worthless, right?
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  Age of like 5-1. There you go.
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  Your partner feels worthless right here.
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  So if your partner or your parent or whoever it is getting
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  older, they feel worthless. They're going to take it out on
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  you. If you're the child of a
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  narcissistic parent, right? Maybe particularly a
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  narcissistic mom in this situation.
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  If you're the daughter of a narcissistic mom and she's
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  getting older and you might be younger and prettier, you might
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  actually look just like her when she was younger.
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  You're going to get it. You're you're, you're going to
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  get it. They are going to look at you
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  and be jealous of you, be angry at you.
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  They're going to be jealous and angry of your youth, which is
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  crazy, right? They're going to be jealous and
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  angry of your youth, which is kind of insane when you think
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  about it from that perspective right there.
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  They're going to be jealous and angry and take it out on you.
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  They're going to belittle you. They're going to demean you.
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  They're going to devalue you. They're going to compare you to
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  how they used to look when I was your age.
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  I looked way better. My boot, my booty was bigger, my
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  boobs were more plump. My 6 pack was 6 pack a year.
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  My muscle, my biceps were more bicep ear than yours.
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  I know it sounds stupid, but that really is Guy goes right
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  here. Tammy says he's so bitter as he
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  approaches 60, which is really sad to watch his decline.
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  It is sad right here. My ex was assessed with his
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  hairline. Yeah, when the hairline starts
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  to go, that's when the feelings and the anger starts to show.
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  But this is what happened. Like I said, you have a
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  narcissistic mom or father and you look like them Whenever they
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  they're going to be jealous of you and they're going to be
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  jealous because you're younger. They're going to be like, if I
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  was your age, I'd be doing this. You'll hear this.
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  You'll hear this a lot, right? You hear this a lot.
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  They will start attacking your looks and your age, right?
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  If they feel old and ugly inside, they're going to,
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  they're going to exude, it's going to bleed through their
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  pores, right? They're going to project
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  everything that they feel about themselves.
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  They're going to project onto you, right?
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  They're going to project onto you.
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  And typically, if you have an older narcissistic person and
• 8:12
  they're single, what they'll try to do and to counteract this
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  aging and to counteract this, this losing of narcissistic
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  supply, what a lot of them will do is literally go out and go
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  out here and look for younger partners.
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  You're welcome. What a lot of them will do is go
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  out here and absolutely start to look for a younger partner in
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  order to fulfill some type of crazy need inside.
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  They want to, they want to feel younger here, right?
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  They want to feel younger in this space and in this
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  situation. So that's what they'll start to
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  do. They'll start to do this type of
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  stuff right here. They'll start to experience it
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  in a different way. They'll start to go for younger
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  partners. They're going to try to marry
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  somebody. They'll they'll some of them,
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  You ever hear the Passport Bros? Some of them will get older and
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  go try to marry somebody from a different country that's younger
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  and to brag on it and to make themselves feel younger and look
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  like look more virile. This is them trying to
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  counteract the age instead of aging gracefully.
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  They do not age gracefully. If anything, they age.
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  They do not like narcissistic people do not age gracefully.
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  Let's get, let's just keep, let's just keep it hot and ready
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  like a little Caesar pizza. In this situation, they do not
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  age gracefully. They age angrily and whoever's
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  around in this situation is going to get it.
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  They are. I was 29.
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  He was 41 when we were mad. So yeah, that's not so.
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  That's to me, there's not a horrible age gap right there
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  because you're almost 30. He's 41.
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  So I, if I was single, I'm 40, I would, I wouldn't.
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  I don't think it would be bad for me today to 2930 year old.
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  That's why we were both we're both adults right there in this
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  situation. But they're still younger,
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  right? But this is what happens though.
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  So if you have a narcissistic parent or partner in your life
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  that's a little bit older, they're going to pick on you and
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  they're going to try to strip your youth away.
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  What you what happens with a narcissist with an older
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  narcissist when they're aging or narcissistic person, right?
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  When they're aging and they get a younger partner, they're going
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  to try to strip the youth out of them.
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  You might like going out and partying or going out with your
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  friends and stuff like that. They're going to take that away.
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  Some of them right there, some of them will try to take that
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  away and keep you in the house like you're the same age, like
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  y'all have similar interests and things like that.
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  They're going to try to get you to change for them.
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  But sometimes in order to feel younger, you'll get this 6570
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  year old narcissistic person that dresses like they're 25.
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  They dresses like they're 25. Like Mama, where you going?
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  Mama, you 70? Where you going with them?
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  Booty shorts on? I'm going to the bar girl.
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  I'm going to get me a man Daddy. Why you got that that that
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  spaghetti string tank top on you going to the gym now I'm going
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  to church. I'm going to church.
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  Got to find me a old Mama, right.
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  He's 71 dating the two. That's a crazy ass age guy,
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  right? They must have some money or
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  something or yeah, he must have some money.
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  Yeah. So this is it happens right
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  here. So you get people like this all
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  the time. Like this is not an uncommon
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  thing right here. Y'all an uncommon thing.
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  So. So when you get a narcissistic
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  person, they can't be the most beautiful in the room.
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  They will go for the most fragile.
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  This is why This is why you This is why sometimes when you say
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  clock it, This is why sometimes you get the aging bitter
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  narcissist and because they can't get that narcissistic
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  supply or that validation from their looks, they get it through
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  their attitude. So some of them will be
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  intentionally mean in order to get the attention that they used
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  to get by just being good looking, by just being appealing
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  or attractive, right? You do get them as they get
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  older, they some of them will become gym obsessed.
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  They also going to the gym health.
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  Should they go to the gym? Yes, you should go to the gym
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  and work out if you get older, right, because it helps build
• 11:43
  bone mass and help you age more gracefully.
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  You know what I mean? Out to the gym today I saw some
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  7080 year old people there working out.
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  Good for them, right? They moving around good good and
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  what not, but this is goes goes all right there.
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  She said my ex has a fear of missing out complex always has
• 12:00
  to dress young and go out to the clubs.
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  I'm pretty sure he looking for someone young he's for he's 45.
• 12:05
  Like grow up being them club, don't they?
• 12:10
  They do being them clubs. Y'all just joining the live.
• 12:12
  Make sure you hit the comment, make sure you hit the thumbs up
• 12:15
  and also check out my website, mentalillness.net for my one on
• 12:18
  ones or resume my phone calls. And I also just now started text
• 12:22
  message coaching sessions as well.
• 12:24
  Y'all, I have limited available slots for the text messaging,
• 12:27
  text messaging coaching and whatnot because I want to be
• 12:31
  able to allocate enough time to each person.
• 12:33
  So there's limited slots for my text message coaching, right?
• 12:35
  There's limited slots for the Zoom stuff too, but the text
• 12:37
  messaging is very, very limited slots.
• 12:39
  I can't do 40 people. I can only do like 5 to 10 at a
• 12:42
  time. So text message coaching, mental
• 12:44
  illness.net, check that out. Y'all seriously.
• 12:48
  But yeah, so you have a person like this who is acting like
• 12:51
  this, who is thinking like this, they're going to just start
• 12:54
  losing their damn minds and trying to get narcissistic
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  supply in any way, shape or form.
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  And sometimes they get it by being mean.
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  They get it by being mean. I think a lot of y'all or a lot
• 13:03
  of people in general think that with a greater age, when when
• 13:05
  you get older, you get wiser and you calm down.
• 13:08
  No, they don't calm down. You know, they do not calm down.
• 13:15
  They do not calm now. They really, really do not.
• 13:19
  You got to watch out for that type of stuff.
• 13:20
  They tend to get worse in this situation.
• 13:23
  They absolutely tend to get worse.
• 13:25
  It can be very, very difficult to deal with.
• 13:28
  It can be very difficult to deal with.
• 13:30
  They're get older and they're get more bitter.
• 13:32
  And I know people like, just like I'm just waiting on them to
• 13:34
  grow up. They're not going to grow up.
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  Y'all. If you're waiting on a 6570 year
• 13:39
  old person to grow up, you got, we got, we got, we got to sit
• 13:44
  down and talk. We need to sit down and talk,
• 13:47
  right? I think my fiance is a
• 13:49
  narcissist. I attack him with a can of beans
• 13:52
  for attacking me verbally. You gotta stop throwing beans.
• 13:55
  Yeah. Hey, you better chill out with
• 13:56
  the beans. You gonna get, you gonna get you
• 13:57
  gonna get you get locked up. Clock it.
• 14:01
  And like, she beat me with some beans.
• 14:03
  She beat, she called me bean head and she beat me with some
• 14:06
  beans. But anyway, I got a few minutes
• 14:08
  for a couple questions and whatnot, y'all.
• 14:10
  So drop some questions and comments and whatnot and we'll
• 14:13
  tackle a few of them right now. Oh, my links.
• 14:17
  I'm also, I'm dropping my links in the chat.
• 14:19
  He was, yeah. New York City June 2nd.
• 14:22
  I'm coming to New York City on June 2nd for my next in person
• 14:25
  event. Like it's a live Q&A event.
• 14:29
  It's just all straight questions and answers.
• 14:32
  You ask questions, I give you answers.
• 14:34
  It's going to be a small room of people, survivors and thrivers
• 14:37
  in New York City to get their questions answered.
• 14:41
  Like small group of survivors and thrivers.
• 14:43
  So New York City Mental illness.net/events and what my
• 14:48
  hopefully soon to be X is like Satan.
• 14:51
  I can see the evil, Oh dear Lord, Oh dear Lord.
• 14:54
  So you see the evil, you smell it, you smell like the when your
• 14:58
  ex come into the room, you smell sulfur.
• 15:00
  You know, that's coming from the depths of hell.
• 15:02
  It's hard when you love a family member who struggles with this.
• 15:04
  It's clear I can't have a close relationship with them.
• 15:07
  But what can I do to simply coexist at family functions?
• 15:10
  You can coexist just high and by you don't have to go deep, deep
• 15:13
  in depth with people like that. You can still keep some people,
• 15:16
  some of these people around. If you feel like they're
• 15:18
  they're, they can be palatable. So you can you can hit them with
• 15:21
  the high and by high by keep it friendly, you know, use the BIFF
• 15:26
  method. BIFF brief, formative, firm and
• 15:30
  friendly. That's how you you can deal with
• 15:32
  people like this, right? Any way to live with a live in
• 15:36
  peace with a narcissist? You can live with a narcissist,
• 15:39
  but I feel like expecting peace, peace isn't.
• 15:42
  I feel like peace is an intrinsic value.
• 15:45
  You have to find internal peace. You have to learn their signs
• 15:48
  and signals, learns what triggers, learn what triggers
• 15:51
  them or activates them, learn you got a tip toe around them,
• 15:54
  right? Or not let them trigger activate
• 15:56
  you. So it's kind of like you have to
• 15:57
  play. You're going to be you're going
• 15:59
  to be doing a lot of placating to them.
• 16:02
  You know what I mean? Do you feel people label
• 16:07
  everyone narcissistic now? And especially if someone is
• 16:10
  just selfish? Yeah, I mean, selfishness is
• 16:12
  narc can be narcissistic, right? Narcissistic, not narcissist.
• 16:16
  So a lot of behaviors are narcissistic, but it doesn't, it
• 16:19
  doesn't necessarily mean you're a pathological narcissist,
• 16:22
  right? My ex, my narc ex smeared me for
• 16:26
  seven months now and I've ignored him and now he thinks
• 16:28
  I'm trying to reach him. Why?
• 16:29
  He doesn't think he's trying to reach him.
• 16:30
  He think he, he's just making it seem like he thinks you're
• 16:33
  trying to reach him, right? He's trying to make it seem
• 16:35
  like, oh, did you call me? Oh, did you text me?
• 16:37
  Somebody told me you're trying to.
• 16:38
  He doesn't think that he's just trying to beat you.
• 16:43
  My husband called me ugly, told me to move back on my parents,
• 16:46
  and got arrested for domestic violence all on the same night.
• 16:48
  Why is he stalking me? Because just because they say
• 16:50
  all of that stuff doesn't mean they doesn't mean they don't
• 16:53
  think you belong to them anymore.
• 16:54
  Like they can talk all this trash, put their hands on you,
• 16:57
  try to try to take your life and still think that you own they.
• 17:00
  They own you. My ex husband's made it clear he
• 17:04
  doesn't care about his twins since they don't care about him.
• 17:06
  He said I'm almost 60 I will go make another child.
• 17:09
  My my 60 year old father just had a baby so that that that
• 17:13
  can't happen right? He tried.
• 17:15
  He'll have a baby out of spite that he can't take care of that.
• 17:17
  That's crazy. I'm not saying my dad can't take
• 17:19
  care of it, but I'm just saying 60 years old trying to think of
• 17:22
  two months old. It's crazy.
• 17:25
  Anyway, I do have to hop off here.
• 17:26
  I'll be live again later on today on tik.
• 17:28
  I'm going to live on TikTok later on y'all.
• 17:30
  So if you don't follow me on TikTok, follow me on TikTok,
• 17:32
  make sure you check out my website get a note.
• 17:34
  Look, if you don't want to do text message coaching, you don't
• 17:36
  want to do zoom or phone calls. I do text messaging as well over
• 17:39
  the app, the app telegram. Find
• 17:41
  everything@mentalillness.net y'all mental illness.net for
• 17:45
  everything Lee hammock. We will chat later y'all.
• 17:47
  I appreciate y'all joining in joining me on this live.
• 17:50
  I'm super thankful for you. I'm grateful for you mental
• 17:52
  illness.net. Bye bye bye peace, but I ended.