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TALES FROM THE COFFEESHOP: THE OLD BOY IS BACK IN TOWN, GUNS BLAZING · penna!

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Nike I was back in the spotlight on Tuesday, reliving the good old days when he was Kiprula's ex officio center of attentions.
• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: The last time he had so many cameras focused on him broadcasting his every word and grimace life to the country for over an hour was three and a half years ago, when he was still numero uno, the elected autocrat, zealously abusing his power and browbeating everyone into submission.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: He can no longer do this, even though on Tuesday he resorted several times to the deadly stare he often used as an intimidation weapon.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: His performance was much more measured and controlled, the aggression of the past suppressed as he played the victim who had suffered a grave injustice and deserved public sympathy.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: He did not get any, the hostile and abusive reaction of the social media mob being an indicator of how his performance was received.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: To be fair, the traditional media did not display any sympathy for him either, although they were more restrained in covering his one hour monologue.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: Nick's role as victim did not have the desired results, but he should look on the bright side.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: This may have been the last time in his life that he will get to speak for more than an hour and command such a level of public interest.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: Probably the biggest surprise of his appearance was the greying hair, something he made sure was never evident when he was press.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Had he decided to let nature at long last take its course, or was this another ploy to make his victimhood more plausible?
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe the idea was to show that the injustices he had suffered had turned his hair grey, or that he was getting old, and needed to be treated with the respect always given to senior citizens.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: Although the suspected power abuser will be turning eighty in a few months, he looked in pretty good shape despite all the suffering inflicted on him by the public disapproval inspired by Mafia State, and now by the Anti Corruption Authority report.
• 2:01
  SPEAKER_00: A lifetime of booze and fags have obviously had no adverse effect on his health.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: Despite flirting with victimhood and his advancing years, the old boy retains his chutzpah.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: At the end of his show, he called for the immediate appointment of a criminal investigator, so the truth can shine through as soon as possible.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: He followed this up with a great quip.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I hope that what I am asking for will not lead to another accusation of exerting undue pressure or abusing my power.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: On stage, Nick was flanked by two men who looked like carers rather than cops.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: His cops were left outside.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: But they were both lawyers, whose presence was a mystery considering they did not say anything, not even a whisper in his ear.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: One was an unknown while the other was Kiprulla's celebrity lawyer Achilleus Emilianides, the darling of the media who is always available to give his learned legal opinion about every public issue in the news.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: It was a rare sight seeing Emilianides not opening his mouth to give his opinion for more than hour.
• 3:08
  SPEAKER_00: There was no obvious need for them to be by his side as he was reading a prepared text, but they stayed for the duration of the speech.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_00: Perhaps it was to show that by their presence the two lawyers fully endorsed his views about the report, which was product of the weakness of the inspection officers.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: I do accuse them of lacking the necessary strength of will to resist populism, the prevailing atmosphere created by the courts of public opinion, character assassins, and malicious people on the internet, Nick said.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: What sort of authority gives into the mob and refuses to protect its victims?
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: Finding lawyers to take the role of criminal investigator is proving more difficult than originally thought by Presniktu, who came up with the idea of having a team of criminal investigators rather than just one.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: The result was that every lawyer of supposedly high standing he approached turned down the offer of the job, citing conflict of interest.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Suddenly, all the lawyers of Kipprulla have discovered the issue of conflict of interest, which had never in the past prevented most of them from taking a job.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And once the government finds at least one criminal investigator somewhere in the world, it will also need to find a prosecutor, assuming the criminal investigator finds there is enough evidence to charge Nick.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: The clever money would not bet on it.
• 4:31
  SPEAKER_00: What a great relief it will be when our presidency of the EU Council will be over on Tuesday, and the daily presidential boasting, grandiose declarations and delusions of geostrategic importance will finally come to an end.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: Hopefully, the television advert, featuring the smiling pres, rubbing shoulders with EU big shots and mentioning the magnificent achievements of our presidency, will also stop as overdosing on national pride for six months was bad for our mental health.
• 5:07
  SPEAKER_00: According to the official narrative, in the last six months, thanks to our press and his flunkies, the EU has changed for the better, not to mention that they brought it closer to the Middle East and brought the Gulf States closer to the EU, among other things.
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we finished things off on Thursday with the announcement of the first EU strategies for islands and coastal communities.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: More importantly, our press also brought out of the EU cupboard the Mutual Defense Clause, Article forty two point seven, which would oblige Germany, France, Spain, etc to come to Kiprula's defense if the Turks dared to attack.
• 5:52
  SPEAKER_00: There was just one disappointment.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: The Press did not keep his promise to take us into Schengen during the presidency.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: Then again, there are still three days left.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Elections for a new deputy mayor will be held in Aglangia today.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: The underworked serving deputy mayor stepped down after he was elected to parliament last month.
• 6:15
  SPEAKER_00: The post that pays a handsome salary for doing nothing apart from occasionally attending the municipal council meeting will be contested by Dis Prokopis Prokopio, who is also backed by Elam, and Andri Haji Andrew, who is reportedly backed by all the other parties.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: Why does the Interior Ministry not just give this ridiculous non job directly to her and save the taxpayer the one million euros it will cost to hold an election?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: A million euros will be spent to elect a deputy mayor who will be paid for the next three years to do nothing, because according to the local government law, a deputy mayor has no powers or responsibilities.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: Listening to morning radio show on Thursday, I heard of yet another privilege enjoyed by public parasites.
• 7:08
  SPEAKER_00: CYBC News boss, Panikos Hajipanay, in a conversation with Justice Minister Kostas Fitteris, revealed that female public parasites many years ago had been granted three or four days sick leave per year for when they had menstruation issues.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: A few years later for the sake of equality, this right was also granted to all male public parasites.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Menstruation leave became a worker's conquest in the realm of the parasites, and it was maintained until retirement, long after men and women had been through the menopause.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: Hats off to direct democracy leader Phidias, who showed what a joker he is by posting a video asking that any cop that was interested in guarding him would have to submit an application to him.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: If he were planning on paying the cops he is entitled to two, out of his own pocket, he would have been able to choose them.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: But as we are paying for them, he should accept whoever is sent to him.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: It is not as if his life is in danger and needs protection.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: The biggest number of police bodyguards are assigned to the abuse of power suspect in Limasol.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Surely he does not need the cop that he sent to get his hair dye products anymore.