Latest / The You Project / #1548 Purpose & Meaning - Tommy Jackett

Transcript

#1548 Purpose & Meaning - Tommy Jackett · The You Project

0:00
Speaker 1: I got a team, I'd be bloody terrific, just because
0:04
Speaker 1: that's how I am. Tommy Jackets. It was kind of
0:07
Speaker 1: like an adoptive, problematic son of mine's been hanging around
0:15
Speaker 1: for years. I can't get rid of him, so I've
0:18
Speaker 1: just embraced him, and you know, I love him. I
0:22
Speaker 1: love him. He's a weirdo, but I love a good
0:24
Speaker 1: weirdo because I'm a weirdo, and so we're kind of
0:26
Speaker 1: kindred spirits. And I first met Tommy Jacket years ago
0:31
Speaker 1: when I ran a program. I think, oh, this is
0:34
Speaker 1: probably not or you were there, But was that the
0:36
Speaker 1: first time I met you? Or I met you before that?
0:38
Speaker 2: Well, is that the first time you feel in love?
0:40
Speaker 2: Because I met you before that? But it might have
0:43
Speaker 2: been the connection we formed on your camp, which sounds
0:47
Speaker 2: like it's, you know, an unusual camp, but I'll tell
0:49
Speaker 2: you it was life changing.
0:51
Speaker 1: Well that was called Mind Body Emotion MBA. That was
0:54
Speaker 1: just a weekend and it was not a big care.
0:56
Speaker 1: It was very small because I normally do camps with
0:58
Speaker 1: hundreds and that just an intimate. That doesn't sound very good.
1:02
Speaker 1: That was an weekend. Yeah, I feel like it was
1:05
Speaker 1: thirty two people because we were down at Wilson's prom
1:08
Speaker 1: and we could only get basically a space with thirty
1:11
Speaker 1: two beds. That was probably you know, that was about
1:15
Speaker 1: twelve years ago. But when do we first insect? When
1:17
Speaker 1: did you first get gravitationally pulled into planet Halps?
1:25
Speaker 2: When I was seventeen, I was introduced to you through
1:29
Speaker 2: an ex girlfriend and it was their step dad's wife
1:35
Speaker 2: who introduced me to you. And so I get your
1:37
Speaker 2: mobile number and have stalked you ever since. Hence why
1:39
Speaker 2: you know I'm still texting you fifteen twenty years later.
1:43
Speaker 2: And how old? How long is that? Yeah? Almost twenty years? Yeah,
1:47
Speaker 2: eighty years.
1:48
Speaker 1: What are you now? Thirty? You're thirty six in September.
1:51
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, September one, so you.
1:54
Speaker 1: Are everyone September one. In case you remember, Tommy loves
1:57
Speaker 1: what do you want for your birthday?
2:00
Speaker 2: Hugs and kisses us? And you know, I'm pretty simple, Craig.
2:04
Speaker 2: That's why we get along.
2:06
Speaker 1: Of course, Tommy has been among other things, he's a
2:10
Speaker 1: videographer and a film producer, and he creates great content.
2:13
Speaker 1: And he was a radio host for a long time,
2:16
Speaker 1: and in a previous lifetime he was a stripper. We've
2:19
Speaker 1: spoken about that, So I'm not throwing him under the
2:21
Speaker 1: bus and had his own version of the chip and
2:25
Speaker 1: dares what was what was your what was your entourage.
2:28
Speaker 2: Called Ossie Spunks? Still think it was great. It had legs.
2:35
Speaker 1: If I google Ossie Spunks, am I gonna?
2:37
Speaker 2: I'm doing this right now, it won't come up with
2:40
Speaker 2: anything from us. Really, don't think.
2:43
Speaker 1: Ozzie Spunk, this is terrible on a fucking video on
2:48
Speaker 1: a podcast studio Ossie Spunks, Ossie Spunks Dream on Straight Boy. No, okay,
2:55
Speaker 1: I feel like it's oh Ozzie Spunks, Piercing Obsessions, Spunky Trunks,
3:01
Speaker 1: Ossie Spunks or History Hottest Ossi TV Spunks. Yeah, spunk Rats. Yeah,
3:10
Speaker 1: I think I might. I think I might be opening
3:13
Speaker 1: a door that I should leave closed. Yeah, so we'll
3:16
Speaker 1: leave it at that. How long did Ossie Spunks exist
3:20
Speaker 1: on the stripping landscape?
3:23
Speaker 2: It was probably about eighteen months. It was a short
3:27
Speaker 2: lived career. And yeah, I got to a point in
3:31
Speaker 2: my life where I realized that, yeah, it's not what
3:34
Speaker 2: I want to be doing, which which.
3:36
Speaker 1: Was getting your cock out for cash is not Did
3:39
Speaker 1: you get your wizzer out?
3:40
Speaker 2: No? It was nothing, nothing like that.
3:44
Speaker 1: It was really stripping then, is it?
3:47
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I guess, I guess there was just one
3:50
Speaker 2: time touring around New Zealand and there were stage shows
3:54
Speaker 2: with maybe you know, three hundred crazed ladies. But one time,
3:59
Speaker 2: one time, there was one time a bank at one
4:03
Speaker 2: time at stripping camp, there was a woman who ran
4:05
Speaker 2: to the side of stage because she knew that the
4:07
Speaker 2: towers were dropped and there was nothing on, so maybe
4:10
Speaker 2: she got more than she paid for. But it certainly
4:14
Speaker 2: wasn't a regular thing. It's all in the illusion. But god,
4:17
Speaker 2: I'm that is another life. That is Is there anything
4:21
Speaker 2: in your life, Craig that you look back on and think, wow,
4:25
Speaker 2: like that? Is that? Is that took such a different
4:28
Speaker 2: person to who I am now to do something like that?
4:34
Speaker 1: Yeah? A lot of things, I mean two spring to mind.
4:38
Speaker 1: So when I was nineteen, I moved to Western Australia.
4:41
Speaker 1: I was already working in gym, so as soon as
4:42
Speaker 1: I got there, I got a job working in a
4:44
Speaker 1: gym at night. But I moved so I worked in
4:47
Speaker 1: a gym at night and I worked on a construction
4:50
Speaker 1: site through the day. And I'm the least handy bloke
4:52
Speaker 1: in Australia. So having me on a construction site, I
4:56
Speaker 1: don't know what they were thinking, but anyway, I was
4:58
Speaker 1: essentially a body. I was called a TA trades assistant.
5:04
Speaker 1: So I did that for nearly a year, working on
5:06
Speaker 1: a constructor aluminium refinery that was being built called Worsely
5:10
Speaker 1: Aluminium Refinery, which was exciting and terrifying and dangerous. I
5:18
Speaker 1: think about I can't remember the number, but maybe somewhere
5:22
Speaker 1: between four and seven people died the year that I worked.
5:25
Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but there was like three thousand
5:27
Speaker 1: men on the site and it was pretty dangerous, like
5:30
Speaker 1: everything was under construction. We were working up high. We
5:34
Speaker 1: used to work walk on things called RSJs which are
5:38
Speaker 1: steel beams, and built scaffolding and for the tradesmen, welders,
5:44
Speaker 1: boiler makers, pipe fitters to work and I worked with
5:49
Speaker 1: a boiler maker called Rob and a welder called Benny,
5:53
Speaker 1: and we worked as a team, so you work in
5:55
Speaker 1: teams of three. And I was basically a shit kicker. Yeah,
5:59
Speaker 1: but it was a really steep learning curve. And I
6:01
Speaker 1: think probably the other thing that was very it's funny
6:05
Speaker 1: the things some of the shittest things that you do
6:07
Speaker 1: are like looking back, I think, fuck I wouldn't want
6:10
Speaker 1: to do that. And I'm not terrified of heights, but
6:13
Speaker 1: I don't love heights. But I looked back then, I
6:17
Speaker 1: was always up high, like high, I mean like fourteen
6:21
Speaker 1: stories one hundred and forty feet in the air, one
6:23
Speaker 1: hundred and fifty feet one hundred feet, and I was
6:26
Speaker 1: I don't know why, I was nineteen and just like
6:28
Speaker 1: a bit stupid, like I wasn't terrified as I should
6:32
Speaker 1: have been. Yes, And the other thing I did for
6:34
Speaker 1: about I did for a minute when I was over
6:36
Speaker 1: there was security working in pubs. But then I came
6:39
Speaker 1: back to Melbourne and I worked for three years about
6:43
Speaker 1: three nights, four nights a week in pubs getting punched
6:46
Speaker 1: in the face for ten dollars an hour. And that
6:50
Speaker 1: was you know, and this is the guy that never
6:52
Speaker 1: went to pubs ever except to work, and who didn't
6:56
Speaker 1: drink and who didn't do drugs. And all I did
6:58
Speaker 1: was eat fucking chicken breasts and broccoli and go to
7:00
Speaker 1: bed early. So when I started doing that, that was
7:04
Speaker 1: like a mind blowingly eye opening kind of revelation for me. Yeah.
7:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well today we're talking about purpose. I know it's
7:15
Speaker 2: your show. I just made it feel like it was
7:16
Speaker 2: my show, so.
7:17
Speaker 1: Great, feel free, feel free, Thanks Tom, thanks for having
7:21
Speaker 1: me on you.
7:22
Speaker 2: But I'm excited.
7:23
Speaker 1: Let's give people context. So you and I caught up
7:26
Speaker 1: this morning, yeap. And we've known each other for years,
7:29
Speaker 1: as we've already said, and you for a very long time.
7:32
Speaker 1: Apart from your radio and your stripping and your video
7:36
Speaker 1: production and the great work that you do in building
7:41
Speaker 1: content and films for people, you also had the Daily
7:44
Speaker 1: Talk Show, which was one of Australia's best podcasts for years,
7:48
Speaker 1: which inhabited the podcast landscape, and you did over a
7:52
Speaker 1: thousand episodes of that.
7:53
Speaker 2: Hard to verify any of those fine details there, but
7:57
Speaker 2: I will take every word you just said.
8:00
Speaker 1: I mean it was a fucking great show. Like it
8:02
Speaker 1: was a great show.
8:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, But as seen on TV, you know
8:07
Speaker 2: that it's the same sticker that you know. No one
8:10
Speaker 2: can really verify. But we'll go with it, all right.
8:13
Speaker 2: People can look up the Daily Talk Show. It's still there,
8:16
Speaker 2: isn't it, Like they're still episodes loaded up somewhere. Oh
8:19
Speaker 2: we still get we still get thousands of downloads a year, thousands,
8:23
Speaker 2: and so it will live on. It's a body of work.
8:26
Speaker 2: One thousand and twenty three episodes or something like that,
8:30
Speaker 2: you know, very small fry compared to what the you
8:32
Speaker 2: project is now, Craig whatever.
8:34
Speaker 1: So anyway, my long winded point was, I was saying,
8:37
Speaker 1: we were chatting this morning, and you said you might
8:39
Speaker 1: reboot and do do something like just a podcast or
8:44
Speaker 1: you know, putting something out into the ether. And I said,
8:46
Speaker 1: why don't you just come on my show like we've
8:49
Speaker 1: got an audience, you're ready to go, just fucking put
8:52
Speaker 1: on the headphones and start. And so we don't know
8:55
Speaker 1: how often this is going to happen. Maybe once a week,
8:57
Speaker 1: maybe once a fortnight. Maybe he'll be shitting sack him.
9:00
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. But today we wanted to, as you said,
9:04
Speaker 1: we wanted to have a chat around a few deep
9:07
Speaker 1: and philosophical things, because now that you've got two kids
9:09
Speaker 1: and a wife and you're not seventeen years old, now
9:12
Speaker 1: you're quite deep.
9:13
Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, deeply tired is what I had. Deeply exhausted,
9:20
Speaker 2: deeply exhausted and if anything, lacking purpose based on how
9:26
Speaker 2: tired I am. No, no I'm not. But yeah, this
9:30
Speaker 2: topic of purpose gets me quite excited, interested to understand,
9:37
Speaker 2: you know, the things we spoke about our previous careers.
9:40
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny though early days. Nineteen is so
9:43
Speaker 2: young and I just ended up there, you know, it's
9:48
Speaker 2: and would you say that you're sort of living a
9:50
Speaker 2: life of purpose at nineteen? God, if you can be
9:53
Speaker 2: living a life of purpose at nineteen, you're pretty lucky.
9:57
Speaker 1: What does it mean? I mean, that's the Thing's what
10:00
Speaker 1: you Yeah? What is your purpose? Is it just what
10:02
Speaker 1: you do every day? Or I think when we talk
10:05
Speaker 1: about the idea of purpose, we're suggesting some kind of deep, meaningful,
10:11
Speaker 1: existentially kind of relevant, like what is my existence? What
10:16
Speaker 1: is my purpose? Why am I here? What is the
10:18
Speaker 1: greater good of my life? But sometimes your purpose is
10:22
Speaker 1: just to get out of bed and go and make
10:24
Speaker 1: a few bucks and fucking you know, have a few laughs. Maybe.
10:29
Speaker 2: Well, do you think people who communicate that they don't
10:32
Speaker 2: have a purpose? What are they What are they saying
10:34
Speaker 2: when they say I don't have a purpose?
10:37
Speaker 1: I think I think people need to feel and again
10:42
Speaker 1: it's just a conversation. I think people need to feel
10:46
Speaker 1: like their life is a meaningful in some way. And
10:50
Speaker 1: I think sometimes it's easy to feel whatever that means.
10:54
Speaker 1: But I think sometimes it's easy to feel like my day,
10:57
Speaker 1: my life is just my life is just groundhog. It's
11:00
Speaker 1: just this, you know, where I'm just getting up every
11:04
Speaker 1: day and I'm doing a version of what I did yesterday.
11:06
Speaker 1: And I pay the bills, and I have a shower,
11:09
Speaker 1: shit shave, shampoo, and then I fucking hit the reset button.
11:13
Speaker 1: Then off I go again. And then I look up
11:15
Speaker 1: and it's twenty twenty seven and now I'm three years older,
11:18
Speaker 1: and I feel like I'm not learning, growing, evolving or contributing.
11:22
Speaker 1: I'm just treading water. And you know, I've spoken to
11:27
Speaker 1: a lot of people who that's kind of a version
11:30
Speaker 1: of their well, their subjective experience anyway, that's how they feel.
11:35
Speaker 1: And you know, I think like we humans, we like
11:40
Speaker 1: to feel like we are contributing and having a purpose,
11:45
Speaker 1: purpose that's just bigger than you know, surviving and you know,
11:50
Speaker 1: going around in circles.
11:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, I heard a quote today that was which I
11:56
Speaker 2: need to help understanding it beyond just what it's sound cool,
12:00
Speaker 2: but it said, fulfilling your purpose is the golden rule
12:03
Speaker 2: to attaining happiness. But bill again perpose.
12:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I don't know, there's a lot of
12:13
Speaker 1: there's a lot of cliches and a lot of memes,
12:17
Speaker 1: and it's like fulfilling your See what I don't like
12:19
Speaker 1: about that is fulfilling your purpose. And it's like that
12:22
Speaker 1: kind of indicates your purpose is singular. Okay, so I'm
12:26
Speaker 1: here for one single purpose or one reason. Maybe maybe
12:30
Speaker 1: maybe not. And I think maybe your purpose might evolve
12:33
Speaker 1: over time, Like what was my purpose when I was
12:36
Speaker 1: twenty might not have been when I was thirty and
12:39
Speaker 1: now it's sixty. Like I feel like my part of
12:43
Speaker 1: my purpose is to love my mom and dad and
12:48
Speaker 1: make sure that the last five, ten, fifteen years of
12:51
Speaker 1: their life is as good as it can be. But
12:54
Speaker 1: I don't think that's my sole purpose. I think part
12:57
Speaker 1: of my purpose is to help and support an encourage
13:03
Speaker 1: younger people like you and other people that I love
13:07
Speaker 1: and care about, and even people that I don't know.
13:09
Speaker 1: But to support and encourage people to find, you know,
13:14
Speaker 1: what it is they're meant to be doing or that,
13:17
Speaker 1: to find their own purpose or their own meaning. You know.
13:21
Speaker 1: I think part of my purpose is to, you know,
13:24
Speaker 1: just be a good human and to hopefully be a
13:29
Speaker 1: you know, I reckon. One of the biggest compliments is
13:33
Speaker 1: if you are a person that people want to be
13:35
Speaker 1: around Like, that's almost to me, like that is a
13:38
Speaker 1: really good thing. That's a good sign. I don't know
13:41
Speaker 1: that people always want that with me. I'm not sure,
13:44
Speaker 1: but I hope that, you know, for the most part,
13:47
Speaker 1: people like being in my presence, not for my ego,
13:50
Speaker 1: but so that I know, okay, So there must be
13:53
Speaker 1: hopefully something positive about, you know, interacting with me, so
13:58
Speaker 1: that I'm having a good impact on people.
14:02
Speaker 2: Do you think do you think there's the chance that
14:05
Speaker 2: people can be sort of misled by external validation of
14:10
Speaker 2: what they deem as their purpose. So, you know, you're
14:14
Speaker 2: living a life, and I think people who are able
14:17
Speaker 2: to articulate their purpose really clearly. So you know, I
14:21
Speaker 2: run a dog shelter because on my you know, it's
14:24
Speaker 2: my purpose in life to help dogs and so and
14:29
Speaker 2: so you know that, then externally, oh that's amazing, it's
14:32
Speaker 2: so you know, and so then there's maybe an illusion
14:35
Speaker 2: when we're looking and turning, you know, look in the
14:38
Speaker 2: mirror back at ourselves about identifying our own purpose, that
14:43
Speaker 2: it has to be something as lofty as a dog shelter.
14:47
Speaker 1: That's an interesting question. Yeah, I think we all think
14:50
Speaker 1: that all we are I think it's easy to think,
14:52
Speaker 1: maybe it is a better way of saying that that
14:55
Speaker 1: my purpose needs to be something you know, grand and
14:59
Speaker 1: something being significant. And you know, I was talking to
15:02
Speaker 1: Big Josh Lenardowitz recently, who which has been well documented,
15:07
Speaker 1: Big Josh, who was Australia's longtime best bodybuilder IFBB pro man, mountain, gentle, giant,
15:13
Speaker 1: awesome human, couple of kids, husband of the beautiful Lizzie,
15:18
Speaker 1: and he's he had some trouble with you know, he
15:24
Speaker 1: had a tumor in his skull and he had some
15:27
Speaker 1: surgery and some complications, and anyway, the bottom line is
15:30
Speaker 1: that right now and for a while, he's been struggling
15:34
Speaker 1: getting back to full health. And we spoke about that
15:37
Speaker 1: recently on the show. So I'm not throwing him under
15:40
Speaker 1: the bus, but you know, talking to him, it's like
15:43
Speaker 1: his I feel he feels his main purpose these days
15:48
Speaker 1: is just to be a good dad, be a good husband,
15:52
Speaker 1: and to be a provider, is to just look after,
15:55
Speaker 1: provide for and protect his family. And I'm like, you know,
15:58
Speaker 1: that's kind of noble. It doesn't need to be. I've
16:01
Speaker 1: got to win the mister Olympia. I've got to run
16:03
Speaker 1: one hundred meters in ten seconds. I've got to build
16:05
Speaker 1: a brand and a business. I've got to crush it.
16:07
Speaker 1: I've got to kill. I've got a grind. I've got
16:09
Speaker 1: to hustle. You know, I've got to save the world.
16:12
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe not, you know, So, I don't think there's
16:15
Speaker 1: a right or wrong with this thing, you know, with
16:18
Speaker 1: this stuff. You know. It's like I know that if
16:22
Speaker 1: I had gotten married, which I didn't, and I had
16:25
Speaker 1: had a wife and a couple of kids and probably
16:27
Speaker 1: by now a grandkid or two, probably my well, definitely
16:31
Speaker 1: my focus and attention would be different, My my thinking
16:35
Speaker 1: would be different, The window through which I experience and
16:39
Speaker 1: interact with the world would be different. My I dare say,
16:43
Speaker 1: my purpose would not be what it is now. So
16:47
Speaker 1: I think one of the challenges, young Tom, is that
16:51
Speaker 1: we grow up. I think we grow up thinking that
16:54
Speaker 1: our purpose is some preordained thing and we've got to
16:58
Speaker 1: discover it, like it's under some spiritual rock that we've
17:02
Speaker 1: got to tip over, rather than just kinda what do
17:05
Speaker 1: you want it to be?
17:06
Speaker 2: Like?
17:07
Speaker 1: What do you want your purpose to be? Yeah?
17:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's I think it's quite romantic to
17:13
Speaker 2: think that your purpose will hit you in the face
17:15
Speaker 2: and then you you know, oh, and so I haven't
17:20
Speaker 2: really felt or you know, you use that term purpose
17:25
Speaker 2: for my own life. Really. Ever, what I have done
17:29
Speaker 2: is always from the moment I left school at seventeen,
17:34
Speaker 2: dropped out year eleven, I've been on a path to
17:37
Speaker 2: do things that I enjoy and that means jobs, you know,
17:43
Speaker 2: where I am in my life. And so I've always
17:47
Speaker 2: like when I became a personal trainer, I enjoyed it.
17:50
Speaker 2: I thought I wanted to do it, and then I
17:52
Speaker 2: didn't really feel like I wanted to do that. Then
17:54
Speaker 2: I wanted to be TV presenter, started that journey, you know,
17:58
Speaker 2: got into radio in enjoyed that. This feels less like
18:01
Speaker 2: a job. You know, it was for me, it was
18:03
Speaker 2: around how do I live it feeling less like I'm restricted?
18:09
Speaker 2: School was the ultimate restriction for me. Felt like, you know,
18:12
Speaker 2: I dropped the weight of bricks off my back when
18:15
Speaker 2: I left. It's like, oh yeah, now I can start
18:18
Speaker 2: paving my own path. And so, but I've never sort
18:21
Speaker 2: of associated it to purpose, and I think, really it's
18:25
Speaker 2: probably because I it's never been anything around you know,
18:30
Speaker 2: seriously helping others, you know, articulating it like the dog
18:33
Speaker 2: shelter or and so maybe I've felt like I can't
18:38
Speaker 2: use that term purpose with my own life. But maybe
18:42
Speaker 2: do you think that's the wrong the wrong way of
18:45
Speaker 2: looking at it?
18:46
Speaker 1: Oh, I mean, you know, a couple of things spunk
18:49
Speaker 1: to mind when you were talking then, and like, if
18:52
Speaker 1: you want to use a nice metaphor or analogy, we all,
18:55
Speaker 1: you know, like everybody's climbing a mountain, right, It's just
18:59
Speaker 1: you know, I look over Tom's over on his mountain,
19:01
Speaker 1: I'm on mine. But I think a lot of people
19:04
Speaker 1: get to the top of their mountain or near the
19:05
Speaker 1: top of their mountain, and they realize they're on the
19:07
Speaker 1: wrong fucking mountain, right, And so it's like, oh, my god,
19:12
Speaker 1: I've invested all this time, energy, perhaps money, you know, blood,
19:17
Speaker 1: sweat and tears to do this thing, to create this outcome.
19:20
Speaker 1: And I get to the top of the mountain. I've
19:22
Speaker 1: got it. I've created it. I'm you know, And how
19:26
Speaker 1: come I still feel spiritually, mentally, and emotionally bankrupt. Oh?
19:31
Speaker 1: Maybe what I wasn't lacking was three cars or in
19:34
Speaker 1: my case, four motorbikes, or maybe maybe the answer to
19:38
Speaker 1: my problems wasn't fucking massive delts and triceps after all.
19:43
Speaker 1: You know, it's like you have this idea of what
19:47
Speaker 1: will make you fulfilled or joyful or content, you know, happy,
19:52
Speaker 1: whatever we want to call it, that positive internal state
19:55
Speaker 1: that we all want. Like, nobody wants to be miserable,
19:59
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to be sad, lonely, depressed, disconnected, unhappy, stressed.
20:04
Speaker 1: Nobody wants that. Everybody wants their internal state, whether that's emotions,
20:09
Speaker 1: whether that's our mind, everybody wants that to be a
20:13
Speaker 1: positive state. And I think we have a story about
20:17
Speaker 1: what will create that. And it's not to say that
20:21
Speaker 1: building a business brand or a big bank balance, or
20:24
Speaker 1: having huge biceps or a pretty face or a handsome
20:27
Speaker 1: face or an awesome whatever you know, fucking YouTube channel
20:32
Speaker 1: or whatever it is, doesn't mean that's bad. It just
20:34
Speaker 1: means that it doesn't necessarily positively correlate with joy or
20:41
Speaker 1: with contentment or purpose, you know. And I think it's
20:48
Speaker 1: I think one of the best things that we can
20:51
Speaker 1: do is just to try lots of stuff, Try lots
20:56
Speaker 1: of stuff, have lots of experiences, meet lots of people,
21:00
Speaker 1: will walk into different rooms, I mean metaphoric rooms, open
21:04
Speaker 1: new doors, do research, ask questions, be curious. You know.
21:11
Speaker 1: It's like I never would have done a PhD, except
21:15
Speaker 1: I just happened to be asked to Monash University to
21:17
Speaker 1: Brain Park, the Neuroscience neuropsych Lab, to talk to the faculty,
21:22
Speaker 1: to talk to some of the PhD students and researchers
21:26
Speaker 1: and profs. And I went there and I did a
21:29
Speaker 1: talk on the stuff that I do, and then I
21:34
Speaker 1: did another one, and they were interested in the way
21:37
Speaker 1: that I work with people and I help people create
21:39
Speaker 1: change in their life. And I wasn't a psychologist or
21:42
Speaker 1: a researcher. I was just an exercise scientist who had
21:46
Speaker 1: really opened a door on you know, the psychology and
21:49
Speaker 1: emotion and sociology of changing a body. But anyway that
21:54
Speaker 1: the not so brief version is that they somebody in
21:57
Speaker 1: that group said would you be interested in doing a PhD? Oh?
22:01
Speaker 1: And I don't. I'm never in my life thought of
22:04
Speaker 1: doing a PhD. I said what would that look like?
22:06
Speaker 1: And we had a coffee in a chat and I
22:09
Speaker 1: applied and I got accepted and bibbity Bobby boo. But
22:12
Speaker 1: that came out of me just doing stuff like I
22:15
Speaker 1: didn't sit at home going you know what I need.
22:18
Speaker 1: I need to go, I need to start a PhD.
22:21
Speaker 1: At fifty six, I didn't think that. It just it
22:25
Speaker 1: was something that came up out of opening doors, having
22:28
Speaker 1: new experiences, going to new places, and literally standing in
22:32
Speaker 1: front of a room full of people who are probably
22:36
Speaker 1: smarter than me in many ways and going, fuck it,
22:39
Speaker 1: I'm just going to tell them what I do and
22:41
Speaker 1: how I do it, and we'll see what happens. But
22:44
Speaker 1: I think that's the thing getting, you know, working through
22:48
Speaker 1: the fear, working through the uncertainty and the discomfort. Because
22:52
Speaker 1: often I think I'll shut up after this because I
22:55
Speaker 1: realized I'm over talking. But often I think the thing
22:59
Speaker 1: that we really want, which is growth and revelation and
23:04
Speaker 1: understanding and skill and competence and resilience, the things that
23:08
Speaker 1: we want come through the things that we don't want,
23:12
Speaker 1: Like we don't want pain, we don't want problems, we
23:16
Speaker 1: don't want uncertainty, we don't want discomfort. But all of
23:21
Speaker 1: those things are like a superpower.
23:23
Speaker 2: Really, yeah, do you think there needs to be a
23:26
Speaker 2: level of awareness when you are going through life giving
23:31
Speaker 2: things a crack?
23:34
Speaker 1: Yeah? I mean, like like situational awareness. Self awareness is
23:41
Speaker 1: it's very hard to be objective about you, even when
23:43
Speaker 1: you understand the idea of objectivity, you understand the idea
23:48
Speaker 1: of self awareness or situational or social awareness. It's like
23:52
Speaker 1: me trying to you know, my PhD is on metaperception, metaaccuracy,
23:56
Speaker 1: all that stuff, you know, and as everyone knows, and
23:59
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for boring you everyone, but even me who
24:03
Speaker 1: researches that. It still I can't really be objective about
24:09
Speaker 1: anything because I have certain beliefs ideas well. I guess
24:14
Speaker 1: I can be objective about some things because I don't
24:17
Speaker 1: know anything, so I don't have an opinion, right, But
24:20
Speaker 1: you know, the whole human experience is a subjective one
24:24
Speaker 1: for the most part. In that I come into this podcast,
24:28
Speaker 1: into this conversation with you, and I, Craig carp have
24:33
Speaker 1: certain ideas and beliefs and values and experiences and programming
24:36
Speaker 1: and conditioning and all of those things inform what's going
24:41
Speaker 1: to come out of my mouth. Same with you, you know.
24:45
Speaker 1: So I guess the best we can do is try
24:49
Speaker 1: to be more aware, more compassionate, more open minded while
24:57
Speaker 1: being brave and humble and acknowledging that, yeah, I'm still
25:01
Speaker 1: going to be I'm still going to be wrong while
25:04
Speaker 1: believing I'm right, because that's the human experience.
25:08
Speaker 2: So I made a video about all the cracks I've
25:12
Speaker 2: had in my life, and it was it's, you know,
25:14
Speaker 2: similar sort of approach to what you're saying and giving
25:19
Speaker 2: things a go, having a crack. And I think there
25:23
Speaker 2: was probably an early earlier in my life I had
25:26
Speaker 2: way more cracks. But I tell you what, I was
25:28
Speaker 2: not aware self aware. I was, you know, on the train,
25:32
Speaker 2: flying giving things to go, restless, unsettled and trying to
25:37
Speaker 2: work my shit out, making no money. How do I
25:40
Speaker 2: make money? I want to do more, And I tell
25:43
Speaker 2: you what the I think the challenge is that everything
25:48
Speaker 2: slows down. I think when you become more aware because
25:51
Speaker 2: you start asking questions, it's like the classic sense of
25:57
Speaker 2: you know, waking up and you're like, oh my god.
26:00
Speaker 2: Like looking back on myself at nineteen, you know, just
26:04
Speaker 2: fell into that lifestyle, created a business around the stripping thing,
26:09
Speaker 2: and next you know, had heaps of businesses. But it's
26:12
Speaker 2: interesting because I didn't think too much at the time.
26:16
Speaker 2: But now there's two parts. One, I feel more comfortable
26:20
Speaker 2: in myself and I feel more settled, and I feel
26:24
Speaker 2: less of the urge to be going and just trying everything.
26:28
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I also feel like maybe
26:31
Speaker 2: I'm not dreaming big anymore. But then, yeah, I don't
26:36
Speaker 2: know what comes to mind when I talk like that.
26:40
Speaker 1: I'm thinking like you have. I'm not just saying this
26:43
Speaker 1: because it sounds going on a podcast, But you have
26:45
Speaker 1: a great wife that you love. I know you love
26:47
Speaker 1: a you have two beautiful kids that you love. You
26:50
Speaker 1: have a job that doesn't feel like a job. You
26:54
Speaker 1: make good money, you have a good business, you have
26:57
Speaker 1: a good brand, you have a good that was going
27:00
Speaker 1: to say body. That sounds creepy, but you'll fit and
27:03
Speaker 1: healthy and strong and functional. You're thirty five, you know,
27:06
Speaker 1: like there's lots of people listening to this going fuck,
27:08
Speaker 1: I wish I was thirty five, right, So, but what
27:13
Speaker 1: is often the case, and I'm not going to ask you,
27:15
Speaker 1: but what is often the case is we go, well,
27:17
Speaker 1: here's this is this young Australian entrepreneur. He owns his
27:21
Speaker 1: own house or he's paying his house off. He's got
27:23
Speaker 1: a great family, a wife and kids that love him.
27:25
Speaker 1: He's got a good business, he's making good dough. He's fit, strong, healthy,
27:28
Speaker 1: he's got all some parents, blah blah blah, and in
27:31
Speaker 1: the middle of that picture quite often is a complete
27:35
Speaker 1: lack of contentment and satisfaction. And then you go, ah,
27:40
Speaker 1: so where from where does contentment and satisfaction arise? Because
27:45
Speaker 1: we think that, oh, when I have this, or when
27:47
Speaker 1: I've done that, or when I'm in that place, when
27:50
Speaker 1: I'm earning that. Like we tell ourselves a story quite
27:54
Speaker 1: often about the things that need to happen, and then
27:57
Speaker 1: I will be X, then I will be happy, and
28:00
Speaker 1: I will be content, then I will be successful. Then
28:03
Speaker 1: I But the amount of people who get to the
28:06
Speaker 1: you know, the desired destination and they're like, right, that's it.
28:10
Speaker 1: I'm good, now, I'm happy, I'm contenting, you know, it's
28:13
Speaker 1: pretty much no one. And so for me, you know,
28:16
Speaker 1: I realized that contentment and calm and purpose and fulfillment
28:23
Speaker 1: was much more about my internal world than what I
28:27
Speaker 1: was actually doing or not doing, or achieving or not achieving.
28:31
Speaker 1: And it's good to own and do and be and
28:33
Speaker 1: create and contribute and achieve, But I think the real
28:37
Speaker 1: challenges despite what's happening in your world, not because of
28:43
Speaker 1: despite what's happening in your external world, to find the joy,
28:47
Speaker 1: to find the bliss, to find that, you know, that equanimity,
28:52
Speaker 1: that space of being the calm and the chaos. You know,
28:55
Speaker 1: on the weekend, we did a gig for Brad and
28:58
Speaker 1: Paly and I've spoken about who Jim burned down and
29:01
Speaker 1: we had Joel Sardi there, and Joel we've spoken to
29:05
Speaker 1: on this show and we've spoken about recently. You know,
29:08
Speaker 1: he broke his neck in an accident when he was
29:10
Speaker 1: home from service in the military. He was on leave.
29:13
Speaker 1: He fell over a balcony. He broke his neck, and
29:16
Speaker 1: he's a quadriplegic. And you know now he spends life
29:20
Speaker 1: in a chair. And of course, of course, you know
29:24
Speaker 1: it's like imagine, well let's not imagine, but hypothetically that
29:29
Speaker 1: happens to you. All you want. You would give anything
29:33
Speaker 1: and everything and all the money in the world just
29:37
Speaker 1: to be you yesterday, just to be you that could walk,
29:42
Speaker 1: just to be you, that could pick up your kid,
29:44
Speaker 1: just to be you, that could get in and out
29:46
Speaker 1: of a chair, just to be you, that could jump
29:49
Speaker 1: in your car and drive wherever you go. But the
29:52
Speaker 1: vast majority of people listening to this show, not all,
29:55
Speaker 1: but the vast majority can just get up out of
29:58
Speaker 1: a chair and walk wherever they want. But how many
30:01
Speaker 1: of us get up and go This is so fucking amazing.
30:05
Speaker 1: I can walk, I can walk to a tap and
30:08
Speaker 1: there's hot water. I can press a button and there's light.
30:13
Speaker 1: I can press another button and there's air conditioning. I
30:17
Speaker 1: can walk ten feet and get in the most comfortable
30:19
Speaker 1: fucking bed and just sleep in relative safety. I can
30:24
Speaker 1: just pick up this thing in my hand and talk
30:26
Speaker 1: to my mum who's two hours away. Like, we have
30:31
Speaker 1: so much great shit that I feel like that contentment
30:37
Speaker 1: piece is not about what we have or don't have.
30:40
Speaker 1: It's about how we think. It's about my I love that, Craig.
30:45
Speaker 2: I think, you know, when I wanted to become a
30:50
Speaker 2: TV presenter, that was just the thing in my mind
30:53
Speaker 2: at the time that led me to a media creer.
30:55
Speaker 2: I remember, you know, being so clear on and I
31:00
Speaker 2: wanted to do documentaries. I want to do this, I
31:02
Speaker 2: want to do that. I love you know, And it's
31:04
Speaker 2: funny there's some opportunities coming up, which is you know
31:07
Speaker 2: what led you and I to talking about doing more podcasting.
31:10
Speaker 2: And it's like if I what I've kind of thought
31:14
Speaker 2: this week is like if I told myself fire. You know,
31:18
Speaker 2: eight years ago, the position i'd be in right now,
31:22
Speaker 2: I would be you know, elated, I'll be over the moon.
31:26
Speaker 2: But I don't feel like that. But I do know
31:31
Speaker 2: that I've been ungrateful to myself in the last little while.
31:35
Speaker 2: And it's funny because you go, well, you were arrive,
31:40
Speaker 2: you know, at this place where a thing. You know,
31:43
Speaker 2: if something happens by the end of the year, I
31:45
Speaker 2: might be making something that would be the eight year
31:48
Speaker 2: ago dream of mine. Right, yes, but right now I
31:53
Speaker 2: don't feel like I thought I would back then. Yes,
31:57
Speaker 2: blows my mind about what. Yeah, and it sort of
32:00
Speaker 2: brings it back to that gratefulness. And so I mean
32:04
Speaker 2: it's a trap. It's a complete trap.
32:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's all about you know, and I had
32:09
Speaker 1: to sound like Craig Harper, but it's all about our fit,
32:12
Speaker 1: you know, thinking about thinking metacognition. Imagine if you every
32:16
Speaker 1: time you got out of a chair you were grateful,
32:19
Speaker 1: I mean, not bullshit, you know, like ticking the boxes. Oh,
32:24
Speaker 1: I've got an attitude of gratitude every yeah, okay, but
32:27
Speaker 1: really like genuinely, like like a few times where I
32:31
Speaker 1: fucked my back to the point where I'm in bed
32:34
Speaker 1: and I have tears rolling down my face. I'm in
32:36
Speaker 1: nine out of ten acute pain. And for me to
32:40
Speaker 1: go from my back to my front takes fifteen minutes
32:43
Speaker 1: and it's agony. And then I have to have somebody
32:46
Speaker 1: to basically help me get out of a chair and
32:49
Speaker 1: get like when I'm in that pain, right, And now
32:53
Speaker 1: that's nothing compared to Joel, nothing right, nothing compared to
32:57
Speaker 1: John my friend who got blown up. Right. Thing, but
33:02
Speaker 1: the day where all of a sudden, not all of
33:05
Speaker 1: a sudden, but oh, now I'm not in ten out
33:07
Speaker 1: of ten or nine out of ten pain. Now I'm
33:09
Speaker 1: in three, and I can three out of ten pain.
33:12
Speaker 1: I am so joyful. I am so happy that I
33:16
Speaker 1: can just walk. And I'm like, ah, how good is
33:21
Speaker 1: walking without pain? How good? I can just swing my
33:26
Speaker 1: legs over the side of the bed and I can
33:28
Speaker 1: just get out. I haven't been able to do that
33:30
Speaker 1: for three weeks. And just like, I mean, but this
33:35
Speaker 1: is you know, and so that you realize that gratitude
33:39
Speaker 1: or contentment or joy maybe not all the time. I
33:45
Speaker 1: still think our external environment has of course it has
33:48
Speaker 1: something to do with it, But a lot of times
33:50
Speaker 1: it's just like, oh, I can do all of this
33:52
Speaker 1: stuff which a lot of people can't do. You know,
33:55
Speaker 1: there'll come a time when you and I we can't
33:58
Speaker 1: get in and out of a chair. There will be
34:00
Speaker 1: a time in your life, and it won't be for
34:02
Speaker 1: a very long time, but you won't be able to
34:04
Speaker 1: get out of a chair. You won't be able to
34:05
Speaker 1: pick up your grandkids. There'll come a time when you've
34:08
Speaker 1: got three or four days left, right, but now is
34:11
Speaker 1: not that time. Like even for me, I'm sixty, I
34:15
Speaker 1: feel like a fucking teenager, and I am so grateful
34:20
Speaker 1: that I chose not to smoke, not to drink booze,
34:24
Speaker 1: not to do drugs. I'm grateful, and I don't mean
34:28
Speaker 1: this to sound weird, but I'm so grateful that I
34:31
Speaker 1: am sixty and relatively healthy, fit, strong, and cognitively good.
34:36
Speaker 1: I'm so grateful because I meet people my age and
34:40
Speaker 1: I'm like, fucking he fuck, if not for a few decisions,
34:44
Speaker 1: that could have been me. And I don't mean that
34:46
Speaker 1: in a judgmental way. I just look at them and
34:49
Speaker 1: I don't feel anything other than compassion and I want
34:52
Speaker 1: to help. But I talk to people that are my age,
34:55
Speaker 1: that literally function like somebody twenty years older, and that's
35:00
Speaker 1: you know. So I'm glad I had those experiences. I'm
35:03
Speaker 1: glad I had those kind of light bulb moments. I'm
35:06
Speaker 1: glad that I I've learned the things that I've learned.
35:10
Speaker 1: You know.
35:11
Speaker 2: I feel like if you're to, you know, look at
35:14
Speaker 2: a computer and installing some software, the gratitude floppy disc
35:19
Speaker 2: is pretty good in terms of your computer operating. Well.
35:24
Speaker 2: Do you think there's a function or do you think
35:28
Speaker 2: there's a purpose or do you think it serves us
35:32
Speaker 2: not to be grateful at times? Because I know just
35:36
Speaker 2: the cavet on that is, when I haven't been grateful,
35:40
Speaker 2: I've strived more, I've been motivated to conquer, you know,
35:44
Speaker 2: that sort of you know, established my career. I'm not
35:48
Speaker 2: where I want to be, it's not being grateful.
35:53
Speaker 1: That's a clever question, dude. Wow, that is a really
35:56
Speaker 1: clever question. So I think the answer to your question
36:00
Speaker 1: is yes, I think there are times when depending Now
36:03
Speaker 1: this is dependent, right, like, if you are dissatisfied, if
36:08
Speaker 1: you are, for want of a better term, ungrateful, right
36:13
Speaker 1: then maybe from a purely winning accolades building bank, you know,
36:23
Speaker 1: maybe that's the thing that drives you. Maybe that's the thing,
36:27
Speaker 1: Maybe that's your fuel. So if we're talking about building
36:30
Speaker 1: a business or brand, or making lots of dough, or
36:33
Speaker 1: achieving things on a practical or an outcome level, then
36:37
Speaker 1: maybe in that sense, yeah, maybe it's good. That's a
36:40
Speaker 1: clever question. But then I would think I would wonder
36:46
Speaker 1: and I think I'm what you just described. I think
36:49
Speaker 1: both you and I have probably been that. Then you
36:52
Speaker 1: get to the point where you know, like I've told
36:55
Speaker 1: that story too many times and I won't bore everyone,
36:57
Speaker 1: but when I was in my thirties and I had
36:59
Speaker 1: five business is, five bricks and mortar businesses, five locations,
37:03
Speaker 1: five venues, lots of staff, all of them making money,
37:08
Speaker 1: me having you know, lots of nice things in my life,
37:11
Speaker 1: making really good dough, and in the middle of all
37:13
Speaker 1: of that, it it wouldn't have mattered if I had
37:16
Speaker 1: ten businesses. I just wasn't joyful, like my default setting was.
37:21
Speaker 1: And that's not to say the businesses caused it, but
37:25
Speaker 1: that was just my situation. There wasn't There wasn't a
37:28
Speaker 1: lot of contentment or gratitude because I was. It didn't
37:31
Speaker 1: matter what I did. It wasn't enough, it's like, no, well,
37:34
Speaker 1: we're doing a thousand sessions of PT a week. I
37:37
Speaker 1: mean we were doing for a long time over one
37:40
Speaker 1: thousand personal training sessions a week between my three centers,
37:45
Speaker 1: and at one stage about sixteen hundred, you know, and
37:50
Speaker 1: it didn't matter. It's like, well I needed seventeen hundred,
37:52
Speaker 1: I needed eight eene hundred, and it didn't. Like you know,
37:55
Speaker 1: when you go you realize, but then you kind of
37:57
Speaker 1: get to the point and hopefully if there's a hopefully,
38:00
Speaker 1: if you can ever be still and hit the pause
38:03
Speaker 1: button for long enough and you know, reflect, like you
38:07
Speaker 1: spoke about awareness before, awareness is acknowledging the thing that
38:11
Speaker 1: you're doing, even though it might be making lots of money,
38:15
Speaker 1: maybe it's not working if it depends what our metric is.
38:18
Speaker 1: If our only metric or KPI is dough money, then
38:22
Speaker 1: we're winning. But if we're thinking maybe about our spiritual, emotional,
38:27
Speaker 1: or social or psychological bank balance, maybe we're going broke
38:31
Speaker 1: despite the fact that we've got lots of good shit.
38:33
Speaker 1: And then that lends itself to the comparison between I
38:40
Speaker 1: guess the appearance of success and the experience of success.
38:46
Speaker 1: Like I think you in many ways are way more
38:51
Speaker 1: successful than me, depending on the metrics that we look through.
38:57
Speaker 1: So you're happily married, you've got a beautiful wife, you've
39:01
Speaker 1: got beautiful children, you've got a very good business, you've
39:04
Speaker 1: got good income. I think a lot of people would
39:07
Speaker 1: look at you and go I would much rather be
39:10
Speaker 1: Tom than Craig. I think a lot of I think
39:13
Speaker 1: the majority, And that's not throwing me under the bus
39:17
Speaker 1: or putting you on a pedestal. But again, there will
39:20
Speaker 1: be people who go, fuck that. I don't want to
39:21
Speaker 1: be Tom. I want to be Harps. His life looks
39:24
Speaker 1: fucking amazing. Yeah, you know, so it's all about how
39:28
Speaker 1: do we You know, I feel more successful now than
39:33
Speaker 1: when I had five businesses and one hundred staff on
39:36
Speaker 1: the go. And that's not because I'm making more money
39:39
Speaker 1: than then, or I'm I've got a bigger brand than then.
39:43
Speaker 1: It's because I'm genuinely happy. Like most of my life
39:48
Speaker 1: I am, I'm raally anxious, I'm rarely sad, and maybe
39:53
Speaker 1: part of that is genetic, and I'm very grateful for that,
39:56
Speaker 1: but I think like the thing is too consciously genuinely
40:01
Speaker 1: practice gratitude and go, yeah, my life is if like
40:05
Speaker 1: I always say to Melissa, if I complain about my life,
40:08
Speaker 1: kick me in the dick because I'm the problem. Yeah,
40:11
Speaker 1: because my life's fucking amazing. So if I'm complaining, it's
40:15
Speaker 1: me that's the issue.
40:18
Speaker 2: Yeah. I love that, Craig. I love you, mate, I
40:23
Speaker 2: feel loved tom Oh, that's nice.
40:26
Speaker 1: What about for you? Like, when do you do you
40:29
Speaker 1: ever get to the point where you're like, Ah, have
40:31
Speaker 1: I leant my ladder against the wrong wall or have
40:34
Speaker 1: I climbed the wrong mountain?
40:37
Speaker 2: I I think I've maybe, so I've tried things that
40:44
Speaker 2: haven't worked. And it's interesting the term failure I was
40:48
Speaker 2: thinking about recently. I haven't felt in my life like
40:51
Speaker 2: I've failed. I've done things that didn't work. Yeah, And
40:54
Speaker 2: I was actually thinking about like, there's you know, the
40:58
Speaker 2: term by not having the term failure in my mind
41:03
Speaker 2: when I look at these my past, is that detrimental
41:06
Speaker 2: to my progress or you know, just thinking around the
41:09
Speaker 2: term failure because it's not something I said before. I
41:13
Speaker 2: don't I haven't really thought. I'm using the term purpose
41:17
Speaker 2: within my life and then connecting you know, hard failures,
41:21
Speaker 2: which I definitely have had things that didn't work, and
41:23
Speaker 2: so you could just call that the failure within my life.
41:28
Speaker 2: But yeah, I've always just felt like that I've flowed
41:32
Speaker 2: on with the direction. But the honest truth is like
41:35
Speaker 2: at the moment, like I said, that thing that's coming up, like,
41:39
Speaker 2: I probably feel like I haven't made all this progress,
41:43
Speaker 2: But it's that that's not true, That isn't true.
41:47
Speaker 1: I'm just I've watched you from being a kid till
41:51
Speaker 1: now right literally a teenager, and if I would, you know,
41:56
Speaker 1: I don't say things that I don't mean. I am
41:58
Speaker 1: super proud of you and I'm not piss sing in
42:00
Speaker 1: your pocket. And some people are like, oh my god,
42:03
Speaker 1: this is a love fest, right, and don't I don't care.
42:05
Speaker 1: I don't apologize for that I think. But you know, also,
42:09
Speaker 1: if I think you're being a fuck with, I'm going
42:11
Speaker 1: to tell you I think you're being a fuck with.
42:13
Speaker 1: And the reason I do that is also because I
42:15
Speaker 1: love you, right, I think that is you know, I
42:19
Speaker 1: know that over the years I've been a bit of
42:21
Speaker 1: a mentor to you or whatever, which is you know,
42:23
Speaker 1: flattering to me and maybe helpful or not helpful to you.
42:26
Speaker 1: I don't know, but you know, I think that when
42:29
Speaker 1: people do great, you should tell them they're doing great,
42:34
Speaker 1: you know. And I look at you and I think,
42:36
Speaker 1: because I know when you know, even not that many
42:40
Speaker 1: years ago, when you and I were you know, version
42:43
Speaker 1: one of my podcasts the day of the Craig Harpers Show,
42:46
Speaker 1: and we were filming every episode and you can still
42:50
Speaker 1: go to YouTube and watch it. Was it called the
42:52
Speaker 1: Craig harpersh Show. Is that what you know? And you
42:55
Speaker 1: and I did, and we did in the time and
42:57
Speaker 1: effort and energy that you put in for no money,
43:00
Speaker 1: like you did ninety percent of the work I did,
43:02
Speaker 1: You did ninety five. I did five percent of the work,
43:04
Speaker 1: and you did all the fucking filming and editing and conceptualizing,
43:08
Speaker 1: and you'd come up with ideas for shows. And then
43:11
Speaker 1: I just sit there and bullshit on and I used
43:14
Speaker 1: to be so grateful that I had this young, talented, dynamic,
43:17
Speaker 1: fucking person just wanting to do stuff with me, right,
43:21
Speaker 1: And then I look at that dude, you know, pre kids,
43:25
Speaker 1: pre marriage, pre all of that, or maybe you've just
43:28
Speaker 1: been married then, but anyway, it was a long time ago.
43:31
Speaker 1: And now I fast forward to now your mid thirties,
43:34
Speaker 1: I'm like, wow, there's been a there's been an evolution,
43:38
Speaker 1: like and you've just gotten better, you know, and you're
43:41
Speaker 1: still excited and you're still curious, and you're still developing
43:44
Speaker 1: talent and skill and awareness and all that, but you're
43:46
Speaker 1: also just you've evolved as a person, you know. And
43:49
Speaker 1: I think it's that that that almost that bilateral journey
43:54
Speaker 1: of developing all your stuff but also developing yourself the
44:00
Speaker 1: middle of all.
44:00
Speaker 2: Of that, which I think you've explained that person that
44:04
Speaker 2: was running fast and I feel like I've slowed down now,
44:09
Speaker 2: which I think when we shared our previous approach to life,
44:13
Speaker 2: it can sometimes leave residual around, you know, the metric,
44:19
Speaker 2: the internal metric that you need to meet to feel
44:22
Speaker 2: like you are progressing and so that fast paced you know,
44:28
Speaker 2: like fun energy when you know, I need that approach.
44:33
Speaker 2: I need to feel stressful to be able to execute. Yeah,
44:37
Speaker 2: like I know that that isn't true, but it can
44:40
Speaker 2: really feel like in not progressing based on a new
44:45
Speaker 2: approach or a slower approach.
44:48
Speaker 1: And I think different people need different things. I was
44:51
Speaker 1: in Brisbane yesterday morning. I met with doctor Alex who
44:54
Speaker 1: have had on the show A bunch neurosurgeon, and you know,
44:58
Speaker 1: he was describing to me was spoken before about the
45:01
Speaker 1: process of like he realized when he was in year
45:04
Speaker 1: ten he wanted to be a neurosurgeon. I'm like, fuck,
45:08
Speaker 1: when I was in year ten, When I was in
45:10
Speaker 1: year ten, I was just one of my first route.
45:14
Speaker 1: I'm like, that was that was my goal. That didn't
45:18
Speaker 1: happen till I was thirty one. But anyway, that's another show.
45:22
Speaker 1: But like he wanted to be a fucking neurosurgeon, I'm thinking,
45:25
Speaker 1: and then so there and then he was telling me
45:28
Speaker 1: about the journey and the pressure and how how hard
45:31
Speaker 1: it was, which I can imagine and applying to you know,
45:33
Speaker 1: it's like most people who even people who become doctors,
45:37
Speaker 1: and you don't then just go, now I'm doing neurosurgery,
45:40
Speaker 1: Like there's this incredible process that most people don't get through.
45:45
Speaker 1: But my long winded point was that he thrives under pressure.
45:50
Speaker 1: And you want a guy or girl who's operating on
45:53
Speaker 1: your brain to be awesome under pressure, you know what
45:57
Speaker 1: I mean. You don't want someone who's fucking got your
46:00
Speaker 1: top of your head off and they're working on your
46:02
Speaker 1: brain and they're not cool in a crisis, or they're
46:06
Speaker 1: not calm and I think that, you know, it is
46:10
Speaker 1: like you said, like you're running slower, but you're getting
46:13
Speaker 1: there quicker. That's the irony, you know. And this other
46:16
Speaker 1: term came to mind before, and you're like this, it's
46:21
Speaker 1: called destination disappointment. And destination disappointment is you get where
46:26
Speaker 1: you wanted to go and you're like, ah, this is
46:28
Speaker 1: not it. You know, it's like the top of the mountain. Ah,
46:32
Speaker 1: this is not the mountain, or there's the mountain over there,
46:35
Speaker 1: and you know, so that and sometimes we realize that,
46:40
Speaker 1: you know, the important and I know this is cliche
46:42
Speaker 1: and this is not a new revelation, but it ain't
46:45
Speaker 1: really about the destination. It's about what happens to you
46:49
Speaker 1: on the way. You know, it's about the journey. It's
46:51
Speaker 1: about who you become, not what you achieve or you know.
46:55
Speaker 1: And it's like I know that because I've done so
46:58
Speaker 1: many things, and I've fucked up so many things. But
47:01
Speaker 1: I've built businesses, I've built brands, I've built you know,
47:04
Speaker 1: I've done multiple degrees, I've put myself in academic stuff.
47:08
Speaker 1: I've been broke, I've made money. I've done lots of
47:11
Speaker 1: things that didn't work. A few things that did work.
47:14
Speaker 1: I've fucked up, I've failed, I've been uncomfortable. I know
47:18
Speaker 1: that you could put me in nearly any situation and
47:22
Speaker 1: I'd probably figure it out because I'm adaptable and because
47:26
Speaker 1: I'm used to solving problems, and because I didn't grow
47:29
Speaker 1: up being privileged, and I didn't grow up in wealth,
47:32
Speaker 1: and I didn't grow up being the smartest or the
47:36
Speaker 1: most talented, And so that platform of mediocrity for me
47:40
Speaker 1: was like, ironically one of the most empowering things, because
47:46
Speaker 1: if I wanted to be good, if I wanted to succeed,
47:50
Speaker 1: if I wanted to be better than average, then it
47:52
Speaker 1: was always just going to be about work and consistency,
47:55
Speaker 1: you know. And so all of that pain and all
47:58
Speaker 1: of those fuck ups, and you know, the three podcasts
48:01
Speaker 1: that I did before this, the three shows that didn't
48:04
Speaker 1: really work, the five or six hundred shows of the
48:07
Speaker 1: episode of the U Project that kind of cost money,
48:12
Speaker 1: you know, the eight hundred to one thousand episodes that
48:15
Speaker 1: I did before we started being commercially viable. That was
48:21
Speaker 1: all fucking great training. That was all great resilience building,
48:25
Speaker 1: that was great awareness. That was awesome for giving me
48:28
Speaker 1: understanding and insight and understanding the science of podcasting. Yeah,
48:33
Speaker 1: you know, And I couldn't have the knowledge or experience
48:37
Speaker 1: or skill or understanding that I have now if I
48:42
Speaker 1: hadn't have gone through all the shit. You know. But
48:46
Speaker 1: I'm almost positive if I started a new one tomorrow
48:49
Speaker 1: it would work because I know the two hundred things
48:52
Speaker 1: not to do.
48:53
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Or you'd decided that there was no destination
48:58
Speaker 2: and you were just a part of the process and
49:01
Speaker 2: you were enjoying it, and so there's it working.
49:04
Speaker 1: Yeah. Imagine that I'm here. Imagine that you're just like
49:08
Speaker 1: I'm here where you're going, I'm already there. Yeah, Yeah,
49:11
Speaker 1: I'm just here. There is no destination, there is no
49:15
Speaker 1: Imagine that a life without a life without goals, just
49:19
Speaker 1: a life with purpose. Oh maybe that's the key, Tom.
49:23
Speaker 1: Maybe we've come full circle, Tom.
49:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love it.
49:28
Speaker 1: How often you're going to come and bless us with
49:30
Speaker 1: your presence over here, you know, at the you Project.
49:34
Speaker 2: I don't know, Craig, As long as many times as
49:37
Speaker 2: you have me, I'll be there.
49:40
Speaker 1: Get your people to talk to my people.
49:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, I will. It'll be me talking to your people.
49:47
Speaker 1: Me talking to you. Yeah. Do you want to give
49:51
Speaker 1: anybody a shout out? Do you want to direct people
49:54
Speaker 1: towards anything?
49:56
Speaker 2: Oh, I'd like to Yeah, Like I would actually like
49:59
Speaker 2: to plug someth Craig, this is why I came on. Actually, yeah,
50:05
Speaker 2: my son DJ DAKA shout out to him. He's a
50:07
Speaker 2: seven year old aspiring DJ, big ambitions of you know,
50:12
Speaker 2: some big gigs out there. Just wanted to give him.
50:14
Speaker 2: He'd be happy that he got a shout out on
50:16
Speaker 2: Craig's show.
50:17
Speaker 1: DAKA shout out from Harps and Dad.
50:19
Speaker 2: There is body my son. He says stuff and he's like,
50:24
Speaker 2: I'm like, what are you saying? He's like, oh, it's
50:26
Speaker 2: what Craig Harper says. I can't remember the phrase right now.
50:29
Speaker 2: It's like he says something. I'm like, where did you
50:32
Speaker 2: hear that? He's like, yeah, Craig Harper says it.
50:36
Speaker 1: I really don't think the world needs me roll for
50:39
Speaker 1: seven year old, So I think maybe the opposite. He
50:43
Speaker 1: didn't say, Dad, don't be a fucking idiot, did he.
50:45
Speaker 2: No, it was no swear word. It was It's like
50:49
Speaker 2: it's like a phrase. It's like hey you going or
50:52
Speaker 2: something like that. It's just basic. And he's like yeah,
50:55
Speaker 2: Craig Harpers is that Maybe he thinks Craig harp is
50:57
Speaker 2: a different person. Maybe he thinks there's a YouTuber out
51:00
Speaker 2: there called that has your name or something. Maybe I
51:04
Speaker 2: don't know, but yeah, shout out to DJ Dacker, d
51:06
Speaker 2: J Dacker.
51:07
Speaker 1: We'll finish on DJ Dacker. You have a good night, mate.
51:09
Speaker 1: We appreciate you. See you next time.
51:12
Speaker 2: See yeah,