Latest / Inspirations for Your Life / Unity vs. Division: How Ego Splits Friend Groups, Teams, and Communities (S5) S5:E3

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Unity vs. Division: How Ego Splits Friend Groups, Teams, and Communities (S5) S5:E3 · Inspirations for Your Life

0:24
Well, hey guys, good evening, it's John C.
0:28
Morley here, serial entrepreneur.
0:30
It's always great to be with you on
0:31
the Inspirations for Your Life show.
0:34
It's Monday, it's January 26.
0:37
We are in that new master topic, you
0:39
know, that started on Saturday, so it is
0:40
great to be with you.
0:41
If this is your very first time joining
0:43
me, I want to say thank you, and
0:44
of course, welcome.
0:46
If you're coming back after being here before,
0:48
well, of course, thank you, but welcome back.
0:50
I always appreciate people that enjoy the quality
0:53
of the content I produce and want to
0:55
make it more a part of their lives.
0:57
All right, guys, without any further ado, I
1:00
do want to let you know that you
1:01
can check out BelieveMeAchieved.com after the show
1:03
is over to get my short form, long
1:05
form, and other forms of content, including reels
1:08
and articles and so much more.
1:10
And if you're thirsty, feel free to go
1:11
grab yourself something like a water, a snack,
1:14
a fruit, whatever it is, healthy or not,
1:16
that's totally up to you.
1:17
Without any further ado, guys, let's go ahead
1:20
and kick this show off.
1:22
All right, everyone.
1:23
So this is Inspirations for Your Life.
1:25
It's Monday, and we have a great show,
1:29
Uni vs.
1:30
Division, How Ego Splits Friend, Groups, Teams, and
1:36
Communities.
1:37
This is series five, show five, episode three,
1:42
and again, hello, everyone, and welcome back to
1:46
Inspirations for Your Life, the daily motivational show
1:49
where clarity replaces confusion and growth becomes intentional.
1:53
Who am I?
1:53
I'm your host.
1:54
I'm John Seymour, a serial entrepreneur.
1:56
It is always such a privilege, a pleasure,
1:58
and honor to be with you guys every
2:00
time I'm here live or every time I
2:01
produce content for you guys.
2:03
It's great to be here.
2:05
I'm also, as I said, a video producer,
2:09
podcast host, a graduate student, and yeah, it's
2:14
great to be with you guys, also a
2:16
keynote speaker, and of course, guys, a passionate
2:19
lifelong learner.
2:21
This show exists for one reason.
2:23
You know what that is?
2:23
To help you live, lead, and become, and
2:26
connect, and be a better version of yourself
2:28
without losing yourself in the noise because there's
2:30
a lot of noise around society, isn't there?
2:33
Today's episode is called Uni vs.
2:35
Division, How Ego Splits Friend, Groups, Teams, and
2:39
Communities, and this is a conversation we need
2:41
to have because most division doesn't start with
2:45
hate.
2:45
It starts with an ego, an insecurity, a
2:47
silence, and then from there, well, it just
2:51
gets ugly, right?
2:52
So let's dive.
2:54
Let's get into it.
2:55
If you need to get that snack, go
2:56
get it.
2:57
Come on back.
2:58
Are we friends or quietly competing?
3:02
Let me ask you something honestly.
3:03
Are you part of a friend group or
3:06
are you part of a low-key competition?
3:09
I think sometimes when we're in these groups
3:12
and we compete, the friendship dynamic kind of
3:17
takes a back burner, and if we're not
3:19
careful, it can stay there permanently and never
3:22
come back because, guys, a lot of groups
3:25
don't fall apart from conflict.
3:27
They fall apart from comparison.
3:30
Yes, guys, they fall apart from comparison.
3:33
When friends start watching each other instead of
3:37
supporting each other, well, that's a problem, and
3:41
I know a lot of people out there
3:42
don't want to do that, but for some
3:44
reason, they're doing it, and they're like, oh,
3:46
no, I didn't want to do that, but
3:48
then, see, they did that.
3:52
That's the whole point that I want to
3:53
make you guys aware of, a very, very
3:55
important thing to be aware of, all right,
3:58
and you might be saying to me, John,
4:00
well, that doesn't happen to me.
4:01
Well, maybe it doesn't, but I still think
4:04
it's important that you become aware of what's
4:08
happening, why things are happening, how things are
4:11
making changes in your life.
4:12
I mean, that's the important thing.
4:15
If you can be aware of those things,
4:18
then maybe you can change your life, okay,
4:25
but again, it does not happen, guys, overnight.
4:33
I'll tell you that sometimes, we get lost
4:36
in all this noise around our universe, right?
4:39
It happens, and we don't know why it
4:41
happens, but we know it happens, and then
4:44
by the time we realize that it might
4:45
be too late to actually do anything, so
4:47
we're like, oh, my gosh, what am I
4:48
supposed to do now, right?
4:51
It's about supporting each other, and I think
4:52
sometimes we miss the boat on that because
4:56
we're so caught up in our own lives
4:58
that we don't do anything, that we decide,
5:01
well, hey, I don't need to do this,
5:02
and really, you do need to do this,
5:05
all right?
5:06
I want to tell you that, really, you
5:07
do need to do this, and you have
5:08
to be understanding that what you're working on
5:12
is about you becoming a better version of
5:18
yourself, and if you can't become a better
5:22
version of yourself, how can you ever help
5:24
others, right?
5:28
That's an important thing to know is how
5:35
this works and how the dynamic can affect
5:39
you, and I think the dynamics of our
5:47
life, they're probably changing a lot more than
5:52
many years past.
5:56
You know, we've got technology that's morphing, and
5:59
we've got people that are, well, let's say
6:03
only digitally social.
6:06
They don't want to do anything in real
6:07
life, and I think that becomes a huge
6:09
problem for people, so ladies and gentlemen, when
6:11
success feels awkward instead of celebrated, that's when
6:15
we got to step back.
6:17
That's when we have to say, wait a
6:19
minute, and I've had those questions, and I
6:21
say, you know, just because we can doesn't
6:23
mean we should, and that's a real hard
6:28
dynamic for a lot of people to learn.
6:31
How do we embrace that?
6:33
How?
6:36
And it comes down to going back to
6:39
your core values, your core values.
6:45
Your core values are interesting, but your core
6:50
values are what make you do what you
6:54
do every day, okay?
6:56
I think that's an important piece that many
7:00
people don't realize, and I think that's a
7:07
very important thing to understand is that it
7:14
is about those things, and maybe you get
7:20
lost with that.
7:25
And maybe you're saying to me, and you're
7:31
saying, well, how do I handle that?
7:35
And you might say, John, well, I don't
7:37
know how you handle that, and so maybe
7:43
you're going to say to me, John, I
7:44
don't know what I'm supposed to do because
7:46
I'm getting mixed messages.
7:55
That's important, all right?
7:58
That's very important to understand, and maybe you're
8:02
going to say to me, hey, John, you
8:04
know, it doesn't actually work the way you
8:07
expect it to work, okay?
8:12
Maybe not, and I will tell you that
8:17
because people don't get the concept that they're
8:24
currently living within, right?
8:27
And I think the reason that happens is
8:29
because, well, let's face it.
8:31
They get stuck in this way, and
8:41
then this way says, well, gee, what am
8:43
I supposed to do?
8:45
And then the way doesn't get out of
8:47
the way for you to do anything, and
8:49
they're like, oh, my gosh, well, how do
8:50
I do things?
8:52
How do I become that better version of
8:55
myself?
8:58
And I know that that's a very hard
9:01
thing for a lot of people.
9:05
They don't realize, you know, how being silent
9:09
is actually still making a move.
9:12
So doing nothing is still doing something, right?
9:17
As I said, when success feels awkward, instead
9:20
of celebrating, we got to back up and
9:22
say, wait a minute, what am I doing?
9:24
What am I being a part of, right?
9:26
Those are very important questions that we need
9:29
to ask ourselves.
9:31
When wins are met with silence instead of
9:33
joy, I know sometimes that turns resentment, but
9:37
it's not about turning resentment.
9:39
It's about how can we embrace the world
9:41
to become a better place?
9:45
Yeah, I know.
9:47
That's a hard one for a lot of
9:50
people, right?
9:52
It's a hard one because people don't necessarily
9:55
know what they don't know, right?
9:59
They don't understand that concept.
10:03
They don't understand the fact that, you know,
10:05
if I'm happy, you should be happy too.
10:07
And when you're happy, I'm going to be
10:09
happy because of your being happy.
10:11
But a lot of people just, they miss
10:13
this whole point.
10:15
And the point is that people don't think
10:21
they can do it the right way, all
10:25
right?
10:26
And the reason this is because we're eluding
10:33
ourselves, okay?
10:42
And so if we believe one thing, but
10:47
it's not true, and we live our whole
10:51
life on that basis, but now our core
10:56
values are being, how can I say?
10:59
They're being compromised.
11:01
Well, that's a big problem.
11:03
Um, that affects our direction, right?
11:07
Um, and guys, that's not unity.
11:09
That is rivalry, okay?
11:12
Um, wearing a smile is not something that
11:17
everybody does every single day.
11:20
Why?
11:22
I think it's because people, again, get stuck.
11:33
And they get stuck.
11:34
And then when they're so hard stuck, they
11:38
become even more frustrated that they don't want
11:40
to do anything in life, right?
11:43
That's a, that's a, that's a really, um,
11:46
okay.
11:48
That's important, all right?
11:56
And I know what you're saying to me,
11:58
John.
11:58
I know you're saying, well, John, you know,
12:00
I'm busy.
12:01
I got my family.
12:02
I got my life.
12:03
I got my job.
12:04
I get it.
12:05
But you see, these are only small parts
12:07
of your life.
12:08
They're not, they're not everything.
12:09
We have to balance everything.
12:11
So we have to balance if we're doing
12:13
sports, uh, relationships, business.
12:17
We have to balance everything.
12:19
So even though your family is very important
12:21
to you, your relationship is very important to
12:22
you, it's one part of your life.
12:24
It's a big part.
12:25
But there are other parts too that need
12:27
to have their dynamic.
12:29
And when we don't give those pieces the
12:32
true dynamic that they deserve, well, our life
12:36
feels like it falls on deaf ears.
12:41
Them versus you mentality, right?
12:43
Energy destroys groups fast when we say them
12:47
versus you.
12:49
Why aren't we all just working together in
12:51
a group?
12:52
Why are we all about them versus me
12:54
or you or he or she?
12:56
Why are we doing that?
12:58
Why are we playing this game?
13:00
Why are we, um, trying to say, you
13:03
know, we're better than them?
13:04
Why can't we work together for the greater
13:07
good of all concerned?
13:07
That's like the multi-billion dollar question I
13:09
love to ask people, but I never get
13:11
a truthful answer.
13:13
I basically get told, well, John, you know,
13:15
um, it's just the way it is.
13:19
Well, it doesn't have to be that way.
13:23
Ladies and gentlemen, the moment a group splits
13:26
into I'm with them, not you, energy trust
13:31
starts leaking.
13:34
I'm with them, not with you.
13:37
That's a bold move to say that, first
13:39
of all.
13:40
And not only is it rude and disrespectful,
13:46
it starts to erode not just your trust
13:49
in the group, but it starts to compromise
13:51
everything maybe the group was formed on.
13:54
And then it becomes these cliche cliques, right?
13:56
You know, the ones I mean, like from
13:58
high school or grammar school, right?
14:00
These cliques.
14:02
And nobody planned these cliques to happen, but
14:06
they do.
14:08
And when they do, it's like, there's no
14:10
way to go back and say, how do
14:13
we undo this?
14:14
How do we prepare something, right?
14:20
Think about it.
14:27
I think a lot of people get confused,
14:37
okay?
14:40
And it's okay.
14:44
And the reason I say it's okay is
14:47
because in your life, guys, it becomes about
14:57
that, okay?
15:06
And maybe you're going to say to me,
15:08
John, like, this doesn't make a lot of
15:11
sense, okay?
15:20
Maybe you're wondering why something is a certain
15:23
way.
15:23
Maybe.
15:25
But then maybe you're not, right?
15:38
What I think is that sometimes we just
15:52
fall out of something, right?
15:57
You know, sometimes the way you are changes
16:00
in life.
16:10
Does that make sense?
16:15
If we can understand that, then maybe we
16:20
can realize how our future has changed.
16:36
How has it changed?
16:37
How is it different from yesterday?
16:44
And I'll say it's different from yesterday because
16:47
it just is.
16:56
It just is.
17:04
And that's something that many people don't understand.
17:15
They don't necessarily get what it's about.
17:19
They think they get it, but then
17:34
they go through this hiatus and say, okay,
17:37
how can I be different, right?
17:40
But by being different, they alienate not only
17:43
themselves, but also the rest of the group.
17:45
Now, group chats go quiet, right?
17:47
When things like this happen, like I said,
17:48
when we erode that trust.
17:50
Side conversations tend to pop up, right?
17:53
And people start choosing alliances instead of solutions.
17:57
And I think that's a huge big no
18:01
-no, right?
18:10
And maybe you're saying to me, John, it's
18:13
not about what I think today.
18:22
It's about the feeling I get going forward,
18:27
right?
18:29
And I think that's a very interesting way
18:34
of thinking about it, right?
18:37
It's interesting because we don't necessarily get what
18:42
that is.
18:44
And then we're left to feel that maybe
18:47
we're on the wrong track, okay?
18:55
Maybe we're on the wrong track.
19:00
Has it ever happened to you?
19:09
Does that make sense to anybody?
19:18
Maybe you've asked yourself certain questions, and maybe
19:20
you just can't figure out why something is
19:22
a certain way, right?
19:26
And that can be a very interesting thing,
19:30
right?
19:31
It could be a very interesting thing that
19:34
maybe you're clueless about.
19:42
And that one thing could change everything in
19:46
your life.
19:49
Let's think of this for one moment.
19:50
Let's pretend that if one thing changed in
19:54
your life, it would change everything.
20:09
Maybe you believe something was a certain way,
20:12
but then you suddenly found out or you
20:14
learned it was something different.
20:15
Now it's different.
20:29
Does that make sense?
20:36
And I think if we could just pretend
20:40
that a premise changed, how would that affect
20:48
your life, right?
20:50
How would it affect your life?
21:03
How would it affect your life today?
21:11
And if you're saying to me, John, it's
21:13
not going to affect anything, I'm going to
21:14
tell you you're wrong because it is going
21:15
to affect something.
21:17
When we change a core belief, right, about
21:23
something we've thought about for a long time,
21:25
and now we suddenly take that, it's like
21:27
we've taken all the legs off of a
21:33
chair, or even two legs off, or even
21:37
taking one leg of a chair would cause
21:38
it to collapse, right?
21:40
It's that kind of a thing, right?
21:54
Maybe it's something that you'd say to me,
21:57
John, I don't know.
22:09
Maybe you're going to say that's impossible, but
22:13
I'm here to tell you guys it's not
22:14
impossible.
22:18
Think about one thing that you believe that's
22:21
true, okay?
22:22
Now let's pretend that it changes.
22:33
I think that if I suddenly gave you,
22:38
let's say, a definition about something, and you
22:42
knew your whole life this is what it
22:43
was about, but now it's changed, that's going
22:49
to affect who you are and the premises
22:52
you operate from.
22:57
And we talk about what happens when groups
22:59
erode.
23:01
A group suddenly becomes not connected anymore.
23:05
It becomes about positioning.
23:08
Now you get things like silent flex wars
23:10
creating all kinds of factions.
23:12
The most division isn't loud, guys, it is
23:15
subtle.
23:17
It's that flex that wasn't necessary.
23:20
The story told a little too strategically.
23:24
The success shared without humility.
23:27
These silent flex wars turn friends into factions.
23:34
Now you might be saying, John, what is
23:37
a faction?
23:38
I knew you were going to ask me
23:39
that.
23:40
So a faction is a small or often
23:42
contentious group within a large organization, political party
23:45
or society, united by shared interests or goals
23:48
that differ from the majority.
23:49
For example, let's say there was a group
23:51
formed on, let's say, healthy habits for students.
24:00
And that's what the whole group is formed
24:02
around.
24:03
But now there's two or three people in
24:05
the group that suddenly believe that healthy is
24:11
only good if it can be cheaper.
24:15
And they're secretly plotting and telling everyone that,
24:20
you know, that's what we stand for.
24:21
We're the real nutrition people, not like three
24:23
or four people.
24:23
And you got 50 people in the group,
24:24
and now you're like creating this whole division.
24:27
And now you're getting people that are not
24:29
supporting the group because it's like you're forming
24:32
your own group that isn't a group.
24:34
It's nuts.
24:35
So as I said, these silent flex wars
24:37
turn friends into factions and teammates into rivals.
24:41
Overnight, guys, every community faces a loyalty test.
24:46
I don't care whether it's a neighborhood.
24:47
I don't care whether it's work, whether it's
24:51
volunteers in an organization.
24:54
It happens.
24:55
Every group, every team, every community eventually hits
24:58
a roadblock, a moment where loyalty is tested.
25:02
And are you going to stay loyal or
25:04
are you going to just do what you
25:07
want to do?
25:08
Not loyalty to a person, loyalty to principles.
25:11
And what I like to call these guys
25:12
is loyalty to core values.
25:15
Okay, loyalty to core values.
25:23
Does that make sense?
25:25
I hope it does.
25:32
And if that makes sense, then maybe we
25:42
need to guard our principles very well.
25:58
And that might be something that you're wrestling
26:01
with, okay?
26:07
Just maybe.
26:13
And if you're telling me, John, it doesn't,
26:15
I'm going to tell you to step back
26:17
and let me know.
26:20
Because things in your life, when the core
26:23
principles, when the primary legs of the chair
26:27
get pulled out from with under you, it
26:30
doesn't support anymore.
26:31
Will we choose honesty or comfort?
26:35
Will we choose growth or will we choose
26:37
an ego, right?
26:39
You and you're being right.
26:41
That moment defines everything that comes next.
26:44
Identity built on others shrinks you.
26:47
I belong to this creator.
26:49
I'm with this coach.
26:50
I follow this leader, right?
26:53
Here's the truth.
26:54
When your identity is built around someone else,
26:56
you shrink yourself.
26:57
You stop thinking independently.
26:58
You stop growing freely.
27:00
You stop becoming who you're meant to be.
27:02
You and you should expand you, not make
27:04
you smaller.
27:05
So take this information and let it grow
27:07
you.
27:08
Let it be a part of you.
27:09
Stand culture versus self-respect.
27:12
There's a difference between admiration and attachment.
27:15
And when loyalty turns into identity, self-respect
27:17
starts disappearing.
27:18
You don't need to defend someone else's mistakes.
27:22
Basically to feel connected.
27:23
You don't need to attack others to prove
27:25
allegiance.
27:26
That's not unity.
27:27
That's insecurity.
27:28
How leaders accidentally create division is a problem.
27:31
Leaders don't always divide intentionally.
27:33
Sometimes it's favoritism.
27:35
Sometimes it's silence.
27:36
Sometimes it's rewarding loyalty over truth.
27:38
But when people feel ranked instead of valued,
27:40
division becomes inevitable.
27:42
Real leadership doesn't collect followers, guys.
27:44
It builds trust.
27:46
Gossip is cheap.
27:47
Team building is the key.
27:49
Let's be honest.
27:50
Gossip feels like bonding because it avoids vulnerability.
27:54
But it's just a disguise.
27:55
But gossip isn't communication.
27:57
It's fear.
27:58
Fear of honest conversation.
27:59
Fear of confrontation.
28:00
Fear of accountability.
28:02
And it always costs more than it pays.
28:05
Before picking sides, ask these questions.
28:07
Before you jump in, someone else's drama.
28:10
Ask yourself, is this my issue to solve?
28:14
Am I reacting or responding?
28:16
Will this choice bring clarity or chaos?
28:18
Because picking sides without context creates damage you
28:21
can't undo.
28:22
Healthy debates versus disrespect.
28:24
Disachievement isn't devotion.
28:26
But disrespect disguised as honesty is.
28:30
Healthy debates leave room for dignity.
28:34
Disrespect needs dominance.
28:36
Know the difference.
28:37
Supporting friends without cosigning harm.
28:40
Supporting someone doesn't mean defending every decision they
28:43
make.
28:43
Real support tells the truth.
28:45
Real care holds standards.
28:47
Real love doesn't enable harm.
28:49
If your loyalty costs your integrity, it's too
28:52
expensive.
28:53
Unity without becoming a...
28:55
And unity does not mean self-abandonment.
28:58
You can be kind and firm, loving and
29:00
boundary.
29:01
Connected without being controlled.
29:03
Healthy unity respects individuality.
29:06
Why us versus them feels powerful?
29:08
Division feels powerful because it simplifies complexity.
29:13
But it also freezes growth.
29:15
And when you define yourself by opposition, you
29:17
stop evolving.
29:19
Growth requires curiosity, not enemies.
29:21
And what real unity looks like?
29:23
Real unity isn't loud, guys.
29:25
It's coordinated.
29:26
It's purpose-driven.
29:27
It's mutually respectable.
29:29
It's group moving in the same direction, even
29:31
with different roles.
29:33
Orbiting versus building.
29:34
Some groups aren't building.
29:36
They're just orbiting around.
29:39
Hanging out, talking, eventing.
29:40
But without shared purpose, proximity doesn't become progress.
29:45
How jealousy starts.
29:48
One win.
29:48
No conversation.
29:50
A lot of assumptions.
29:51
That's all it takes, guys.
29:53
Jealousy grows.
29:55
A mature flex.
29:56
Here's the real flex.
29:57
I refuse to be weaponized against people I
29:59
care about.
30:01
That's emotional intelligence.
30:03
That's leadership.
30:05
That's growth.
30:06
When to leave instead of fix.
30:07
Not every divided space is yours to heal.
30:09
Sometimes leaving is self-respect, not failure.
30:12
And peace is not quitting.
30:14
It's choosing alignment.
30:15
Why real leaders, guys?
30:18
Refuse division.
30:19
Strong leaders don't allow their name to become
30:21
a badge.
30:22
They don't need sides.
30:23
They don't need tribes.
30:24
They don't need loyalty tests.
30:26
They build environments, not gangs.
30:29
Conflict, ladies and gentlemen, rules for friendship.
30:32
That's adult friendship.
30:34
Adults don't avoid conflict.
30:36
They handle it.
30:37
Direct conversations.
30:38
Clear boundaries.
30:39
No secret alliances.
30:40
That's how trust survives.
30:42
Thanks so much for joining me on the
30:44
show tonight, Inspiration for Your Life.
30:46
I know we ran a little bit over
30:47
tonight, but had a lot of great things
30:49
to share with you.
30:50
Do check out BelieveMeChief.com for more of
30:51
my amazing, inspiring creations.
30:53
Catch you real soon.