Latest / How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva / Eva Longoria on Midlife: GirlSquads, Sleep Secrets, and Saying "No"

Transcript

Eva Longoria on Midlife: GirlSquads, Sleep Secrets, and Saying "No" · How Hard Can It Be? with Diana Maria Riva

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: I cannot wait to share this episode with you, and
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: some of the shit that comes out of Eva Longoria's
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: mouth will have you in stitches. We've talked about everything
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: from the Company You Keep fifty and beyond is about
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: saying no, and apparently sex is for any time of
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: the day, which is good because after a full meal,
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: it's so Seriously, how Hard Can It Be? Welcome to
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: the very first episode of How Hard Can It Be?
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: A podcast for gen X women navigating midlife's most fantastic bullshit.
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: And if you say you don't know what I'm talking about,
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: you're lying. I'm your host, Diana Maria Riva, and I'm
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: thrilled to be here with my very first episode. And
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: to kick off this episode, I have one of my
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: very bestest girlfriends in the whole white world. She is resilient, intelligent, hardworking,
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: she's a hustler, she's a gen X woman, but she's
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: also an award winning actress, producer, director, activist, soccer, lover,
• 0:52
  Speaker 1: and most importantly, Mama Tussanti and also executive producer of
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: this show. I'm so proud to be here today and
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: have as my first guest, Eva Longoria was.
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: We're gen excerpts. That's what we are, yes, yes, what
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: I am.
• 1:11
  Speaker 3: We are the regions of resourcefulness.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we are.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: And that comes as a description.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: And there's a reason why I wanted to do this podcast.
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: And you and I were literally on a train in
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Spain when we decided this needed to be talked about
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: because I read an article in Forbes that said gen
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: X women, of which they are over forty million in
• 1:29
  Speaker 1: this country, represent over fifteen trillion dollars of purchasing power,
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: and are the healthiest, wealthiest, and most active generation in history.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: But what I know is that when I take off
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: my bra I'm tripping over my nipples. I've got nose
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: hair coming in like my grandfather, chin hair like a
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: billy goat. And I and society wants to tell us
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: we're wrapped up, we're done, like you know, So we're
• 1:56
  Speaker 1: you know, yet we're not retiring. We have our aging
• 2:00
  Speaker 1: and we still have kids at home or off in college.
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: So I define you to find a busier group of people,
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: and let's talk about that. And the reason why I
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: go down your list of credits, the reason why I
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: want to brag about you is because in this chapter
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: of Midlife, one of the things that defines it, I
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: think is the company you keep and being the youngest
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: of four sisters, being the oldest of three sisters, I
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: came up with this belief that I live by and
• 2:27
  Speaker 1: I say all the time, and I know you do too.
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: Women need to know how to be good women to
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: other women, especially in this chapter, right, So I'm want
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: to talk about that and jump in and say, that's
• 2:38
  Speaker 1: why I want to brag about you, because I'm proud
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: of you. And don't you You elevate that's the thing.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: You elevate the women around you.
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: And how vital is that?
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: Well? No, so vital?
• 2:48
  Speaker 3: No, But you and I come from family of women,
• 2:49
  Speaker 3: So I love women. I love women. There are women
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: that don't like women. You see, women that don't have girlfriends.
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: They don't have the little girls trip, they don't have
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: this girl squad.
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: When we do, we have our little.
• 3:01
  Speaker 3: Community, and I can't survive without them. I cannot survive
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: without my girlfriends. I mean all of our husbands, you know,
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: because we always joke that we are going to buy
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: land and just have compounds some one pound in Spain
• 3:16
  Speaker 3: and we're all going to live there. And we've said
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: it so much that now their feelings are starting to
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: get hurt.
• 3:20
  Speaker 2: All the husbands kind of sounds like, you guys really
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: want to do this, and we're like.
• 3:26
  Speaker 3: You hire a real estate agent. Yeah, this is a problem.
• 3:29
  Speaker 3: It's a problem, but you know what also, like, I mean,
• 3:33
  Speaker 3: I agree with you, like the women of our generation
• 3:36
  Speaker 3: to our super resourceful because we had our mother.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Well, my mother like yours was you better figure that.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: Out, that's right.
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: I was like, Mom, I want to be in cheerleading.
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: We don't have the money.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: You better figure that out, you know, Mom, I want
• 3:51
  Speaker 3: to go on this band trip, Well you better figure
• 3:53
  Speaker 3: that out.
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: Mom.
• 3:54
  Speaker 3: I want to move to Hollywood and become an actress.
• 3:56
  Speaker 3: You better figure that out.
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: You know that. Yeah.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: I remember the first time I told them my mom,
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: I don't take rejection. Wells, well, you're never gonna make it.
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: And I was like, Okay, copy that right.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: But this is part of the thing that I felt
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: was right, and you agreed with all these topics that
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: come into this chapter, and they're talked about by the
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: way society defines them.
• 4:18
  Speaker 3: How about the way we define them and being.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: From a first generation from the Dominican Republic in Cincinnati, Ohio,
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: My squad in Ohio and my squad in Hollywood may
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: have different daily lives, yet we're complaining about the same thing.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: We're looking at the same thing as the same issue.
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: So I want to just ask you because when I
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: say fantastic bullshit, it.
• 4:37
  Speaker 3: Is bullshit, and it is fantastic. It's a positive thing.
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: You know, this is a big chapter and a meaningful chapter,
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: So let's talk about it.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: Well, don't you feel like you're just getting started?
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: That's my point.
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: This is not a end of the line, which is
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: what society wants to say. So my question to you is,
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: in embracing this chapter, would you say you had an
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: oh shit, is this midlife moment?
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: No, I haven't had it yet. You know.
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: I feel like I had that at thirty, like an idiot,
• 5:04
  Speaker 3: Like a fucking idiot. I've turned it thirty, am I
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: gonna do with the rest of my life? And it
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: was like shut the fuck up, thirty year old EVA,
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: like calm down, okay, because I didn't have that crisis
• 5:16
  Speaker 3: at forty or fifty fifty.
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I was like, oh my god, this is so exciting.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: And by the way, your fiftieth birthday party was something
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: that went down in the books. We all partied like
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: we were twenty two and we felt it.
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: So we felt it and.
• 5:28
  Speaker 3: It was so fun.
• 5:30
  Speaker 2: It was so fun.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: But here's a picture of us, right here?
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: Is there a picture us? What are we doing?
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: We're just looking at the camera because there's a picture
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: of you on our birth on your birthday down in Miami.
• 5:40
  Speaker 3: Go show it's your birthday. I just we just recorded
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: fifty other day, so I was I was looked no,
• 5:46
  Speaker 3: But you know what, here's the thing is, like I
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: have always rejected that my greatest success is behind me.
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: So when you read all of that and you're like
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: ten years on Desperate Housewives, the greatest show in the world,
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: and she did this and she did that, it wasn't
• 6:01
  Speaker 3: that amazing. It wasn't that amazing. And I'm always like
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: grateful and yeah, that was awesome.
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: That was great.
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: I just I can't wait for what's next, and I
• 6:09
  Speaker 3: can't wait for what's to come and what's around the corner.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: And I you know, I became also a mom really late.
• 6:15
  Speaker 3: I was you were a young mom. I was was
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: old mom, older mom. And so that chapter and going
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: through all of this with my son at you know,
• 6:24
  Speaker 3: fifty is a different experience too.
• 6:27
  Speaker 2: He makes me young as well.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: And yet I feel like there are a lot of
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: women in that category who had children later in life
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: for whatever reason. And yet, you know, it's so, it's
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: not the end of the road. It's not the end
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: of just you know, one chapter. It is still would
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: you look at life in your career because I go
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: down your list of credits and you've done so many
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: different things.
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: You've pivoted.
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: You're also an entrepreneur. You're also investing in new and
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: different ideas. By the way, cheers to our first episode,
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Thank you have been drinking, I.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: Tell cheers of the first episode, cheers, wait before you
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: ask me a question? Yeahm hm, because I want to
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: say as we were we you're a good traveler. That's
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: why I like bringing you along, because you're resourceful. I
• 7:13
  Speaker 3: don't have to babysit you if I'm doing something. And
• 7:15
  Speaker 3: then were we like to go do the same things.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: That's oh my god, we got to go, you know,
• 7:19
  Speaker 3: have some tapas at this other bar. No, we should
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: go over there, and then oh, we know, we should
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: do nothing and stay in the hotel. You're a really
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: good traveler. But through our life together, when we fell
• 7:29
  Speaker 3: in love. Diana and I fell madly in love because
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: we did a TV show together and we've had these
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: conversations and they've been so beneficial to me, and it
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: ended up spiraling into like, you know, well, you know, divorce.
• 7:44
  Speaker 3: You know, how hard could it be a whole life?
• 7:47
  Speaker 3: You know, as a single mom? How hard could it be?
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: I can do that?
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Yeah, And it came from a positive thing and a
• 7:52
  Speaker 3: resourceful thing of like, you know, I'm gonna move to
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: Hollywood and become an actress.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: How hard could that be?
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: Like dating at forty five?
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: How can it happen?
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: Make it at fifty with the new guy?
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: How hard? That One's kind of hard?
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: Well, that's lighting, but but so lights off, lights off,
• 8:10
  Speaker 3: dark candles, candles, candle it, candle.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: It always makes everybody look great.
• 8:13
  Speaker 3: But it is you know, I want people to know, like,
• 8:16
  Speaker 3: you know, sometimes you can go go down. It's so hard. No, no, no,
• 8:19
  Speaker 3: it's actually not that art. Things are not that hard.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: Things are scary, I think the thought of it. But
• 8:23
  Speaker 3: our conversations, whether it's a train in Spain or our
• 8:27
  Speaker 3: backyards or the patio in Malibu.
• 8:31
  Speaker 2: Yes, we have a Malibu house.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: Sanna and I time I act like I own it.
• 8:36
  Speaker 3: There's so much no matter we are, where we are
• 8:39
  Speaker 3: in the world, the conversations that we have in our
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: little bubble. I felt, you know, the world should benefit
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: from it because I do. I don't think all women
• 8:48
  Speaker 3: have Adana Maria in their life, and I wish that
• 8:53
  Speaker 3: upon every woman to like have this group of women
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: that you can really have these honest conversation with and
• 9:00
  Speaker 3: hold that space for people who are happy when things
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: are going your way. That's it. That's it.
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: I want you to succeed more than themselves.
• 9:09
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: It's always I'm not saying it's easy, but it's a
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: kind of a natural thing to fall into place when somebody,
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: when your girlfriend is hurting, you're there and you're able
• 9:19
  Speaker 1: to encourage them. I remember when you were going through
• 9:22
  Speaker 1: something painful many many years ago, somebody, a girlfriend of
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: yours who we both know, sent you a cake and
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: it's just said fuck him.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: On the cake.
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: She brought over the cake. She's like fuck them.
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: We're like, that's a that's a good cake, and that's
• 9:37
  Speaker 3: the girlfriend you need. And that's what I'm saying, like,
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: in this you need to it's we define ourselves more
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: and more by simple things like the company we keep
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: or the reinvention of is it reinvention or stagnation of career?
• 9:49
  Speaker 3: Because who says that we're not allowed to start over? Now?
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: This is not something I would have imagined if you
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: hadn't encouraged me to explore it. And I'm just like,
• 9:58
  Speaker 1: I don't want to do one more goddamn thing from
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: my house and a homegrowning.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: She's like, no, let's make this.
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: You know, something important to have the conversation, and I
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: needed that.
• 10:06
  Speaker 3: But I'll tell you that I do have a gift
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: of seeing potential in people.
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: Yes to a fault.
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: Sometimes people were like, honey, it's just not there in
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: that person, Like you need to stop investing in that person.
• 10:16
  Speaker 3: And and you know, I'm an entrepreneur, but I always
• 10:19
  Speaker 3: invest in people. Yes, not so much ideas and things
• 10:23
  Speaker 3: like that person's going to do it. That was how
• 10:26
  Speaker 3: john Wick happened. I met those two directors and.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: And this, by the way, you you there's a lot
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: of like stories that go around, but john Wick was
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: something that you jumped into producing way before you really
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: got into your your feet wet with your stride of producing,
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: like you had to been green, but clearly smart.
• 10:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well it was definitely. Uh.
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: They were in a dire situation and the opportunity came
• 10:52
  Speaker 3: to me and I was like, not interested in financing movies, Like,
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: that's not even as a producer, that's still not my lane.
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: Financing is a whole different thing.
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: Than producing and developing and writing and directing. And so
• 11:06
  Speaker 3: when that came to me, I sat with Chad and
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: David and I was just like blown away by those
• 11:13
  Speaker 3: two guys who created this John Wick world. And I
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: was like, and they were, you know, they were b
• 11:19
  Speaker 3: unit stunt guys who were taking their bite at the apple.
• 11:24
  Speaker 3: And I knew that feeling and I knew that hunger,
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: and I knew that they knew we cannot fail, like
• 11:31
  Speaker 3: they wanted to prove themselves so badly.
• 11:34
  Speaker 2: We have to succeed.
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: And it was that that I invested in that spirit
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: because I knew that person.
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: That person was me, And I.
• 11:41
  Speaker 3: Was like, Oh, I don't care if these guys are
• 11:43
  Speaker 3: directing a rom com, Mom, I'm betting on these guys.
• 11:46
  Speaker 3: And that's what it is. I mean, that's what I
• 11:48
  Speaker 3: see in you, thank the most. You know so much potential.
• 11:52
  Speaker 3: You should do, You should be doing so many things. Well,
• 11:55
  Speaker 3: bartending one of them. Bartending.
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, you make great.
• 11:58
  Speaker 3: Margarita, Oh yeah, you make By the way, she came
• 12:04
  Speaker 3: with her own wine, and we just discussed about this.
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: She says, I'm a bougie bitch here it's different.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: Oh that's right.
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll finish this before you finish that bottles. The
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: first episode, first episode with our glasses of bougie wine
• 12:16
  Speaker 1: that you brought French.
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: Oh that's delightful. M we got all fancy okay, so
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: bring that okay.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: So here's my question to you, though, when you're telling
• 12:28
  Speaker 1: us about John Wick and how you invested in it,
• 12:31
  Speaker 1: clearly though, without knowing all the ropes, you invested in yourself.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Well, I said, how hard good it be?
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: That's my point. I literally was like, I'm going to
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: figure this out. What better situation to be? And then
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: to like jump in and go okay, so so what now?
• 12:48
  Speaker 2: How does this work? Could you walk me through it?
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: But I've always been been never afraid to ask dumb questions.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: But you continue to do that always, and I think
• 12:57
  Speaker 1: it can get harder and harder because I think self
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: doubt creeps into the equation. Because that film then went
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: on in history. If you hadn't made that investment, it
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: wouldn't have launched. They were short of a lot of
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: money in that investment. You made just enough an investment
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: for it to launch and take off. And here we
• 13:14
  Speaker 1: are six installments later. I don't know, it's huge. And
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: so my question to you is, what do you think
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: happens when you know what keeps you able to continue
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: to reinvest in yourself, not reinvent the reinvest.
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: Now, it's what's an evolution? Your life is an evolution.
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: Your career is definitely an evolution. And you know the
• 13:36
  Speaker 3: goalpost keeps moving. You know, I've accomplished dreams I didn't
• 13:41
  Speaker 3: even know I had. That's, you know, And so I
• 13:45
  Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, this is this is amazing.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: I didn't know a I could do that or be
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: that was possible for somebody like me. I did grow
• 13:54
  Speaker 3: up in an academic family. All my families like teachers
• 13:59
  Speaker 3: and professors, and so everybody had a master's degree. They
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: were a very academic family, and so I always knew
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: I would be successful at anything. If I was going
• 14:10
  Speaker 3: to be a dentist, I knew I would be successful
• 14:12
  Speaker 3: because I was surrounded by successful women in my family,
• 14:15
  Speaker 3: with my aunts and my man. You commit to the work. Yeah,
• 14:18
  Speaker 3: nothing is handed over. You commit to the work. But
• 14:21
  Speaker 3: I was like, I don't I know. I want to
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: be successful in life. I didn't know if it was
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: going to be acting or anything like that. I was like,
• 14:26
  Speaker 3: I might be a lawyer, I might be a dentist,
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: I might be who knows. But I knew I wanted
• 14:32
  Speaker 3: to be good at it, and even moving to Holloween,
• 14:35
  Speaker 3: go I'm going to be an actor. I've had success
• 14:37
  Speaker 3: as an actor, but I've found my calling as a director,
• 14:41
  Speaker 3: Like that's my natural talent is definitely directing.
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: But I remember being in a car with you and
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: your husband and bringing up paddle.
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: Ball, not pickaball. It keeps changing. I said pick a ball,
• 14:55
  Speaker 3: you said paddle.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: Tennis, paddle tennis, and you were talking. You were saying,
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: I we want to compete, and he was saying, I
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know if this is you know
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: something for you and now, and and you dug your
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: heels in. I don't even think he was up for
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: the argument, but you made it when you're like, why
• 15:09
  Speaker 1: can I compete? I can train, I can train, I
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: can train a lot, and then I can compete, Like
• 15:14
  Speaker 1: I don't know, teams only take people that are like
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: but I can find a team, I can train and
• 15:18
  Speaker 1: I can compete and find a team.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: And I got I just sat there and enjoyed the
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: whole thing. Cut to I don't know. Three months later,
• 15:24
  Speaker 3: you're like competing, not with pros. I'm compete whatever lad
• 15:30
  Speaker 3: at the country club and I am kicking their asses.
• 15:32
  Speaker 2: Okay, but okay, not professionally, I know.
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: But there's tournaments you can you can enter and paddle
• 15:39
  Speaker 3: every weekend, every week. Especially in my way where we
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: live in Spain, it's there's it's that's a big community,
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: the Peddletowns community. And I was like, I think I'm
• 15:48
  Speaker 3: gonna I want to train like a pro because in
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: my head I'm a pro. Why not I want to
• 15:54
  Speaker 3: train like a supermodel because in my head, in my head,
• 15:57
  Speaker 3: I'm a super model. And Beba was like, you, no,
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: there's no benefit to that. I was like, there's so
• 16:01
  Speaker 3: many benefits, so many benefits, like I'm going to get
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: better and and by the way, I mean and he'll
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: be the first to tell you from when I started
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: playing paddle to now, like I'm a different human being.
• 16:11
  Speaker 2: Like I didn't know my body could do that. I
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: didn't even know.
• 16:13
  Speaker 3: Wow, I don't you know a racket sport and the
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: hand eye coordination and all of that stuff. Same thing
• 16:18
  Speaker 3: with like now what's happening with AI and chaw GPT
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: and all that, Like it's learning another language when I
• 16:23
  Speaker 3: learned French, learning another language, like all that is great
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: for our brains. It's great to prevent dementia and Alzheimer's
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: is like I want to take up knitting. I'm going
• 16:33
  Speaker 3: to take up what's that the croche? No, they look
• 16:37
  Speaker 3: like Domino's, but they're Chinese. Ohong that that's great for
• 16:43
  Speaker 3: people like you have to constantly learn all you have
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: to constantly put yourself in a new situation that you
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: are that you were unaware.
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: Of and that but and then, and I love doing that.
• 16:54
  Speaker 1: That is the thing that I see you just diving
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: in inherently with this attitude of how are can they be?
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: You have nothing to lose? And you know, I heard
• 17:03
  Speaker 3: this speaker the other day.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: I think he was a music industry industry exec and
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: he was talking about why people fail in their careers.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: It's not necessarily most of the.
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: Time, especially one like this, or any career where your
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: feet are held constantly over the fire.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: Your nervous system can't take it. So that's what tends
• 17:21
  Speaker 3: to collapse first. But the reason why people fail is
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: because of that version of yourself that tells you you
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: are running out of time. And when you hear that,
• 17:31
  Speaker 3: you think, I don't have it in me. I don't
• 17:33
  Speaker 3: have it. I don't have time. I don't have the body,
• 17:36
  Speaker 3: the physics, the physiology to do it anymore. Whatever interesting.
• 17:40
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, I've said that to myself.
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: If I don't accomplish this by this time, then I
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: guess there's no more.
• 17:46
  Speaker 3: But I have the same lens and I don't think
• 17:48
  Speaker 3: that way. I do think there's not a lot of time.
• 17:50
  Speaker 3: I'm like, you better hurry up, bitch, you better hurry
• 17:52
  Speaker 3: up and get it done, because I do think we
• 17:54
  Speaker 3: are on this earth for a blink of an eye.
• 17:57
  Speaker 2: So I do have that lens of like is not
• 18:00
  Speaker 2: enough time, But.
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: It doesn't keep you from trying. It makes me try harder,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: that's it. That's the point, and it makes me do
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: go faster.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: His point was the opposite, that people will hear that
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: version of themselves and they will.
• 18:09
  Speaker 3: Stop render, they will let go. Oh yeah, no, I
• 18:12
  Speaker 3: don't let perfection prevent progress. I really, you know, dive
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: in and figure it out. And then if it's not
• 18:18
  Speaker 3: for me, I'm like, oh that wasn't for me. Yeah,
• 18:19
  Speaker 3: I forget what I tried. Well, you know, I'm not
• 18:22
  Speaker 3: a singer. You're an amazing singer. And people were like,
• 18:25
  Speaker 3: is there anything you can't do? And I go sing
• 18:27
  Speaker 3: and people are like, oh, you'd be amazing at it
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: if like I had really dedicated myself. So then I
• 18:31
  Speaker 3: have to audition for In the Heights, which my agent
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: set me in on, and this bitch is there too, and.
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: I'm like, okay.
• 18:36
  Speaker 3: First of all, everybody in the waiting room was like singers,
• 18:39
  Speaker 3: and I was like, I can't even sing Happy Birthday.
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: But you know, I went to you know, learn, but
• 18:47
  Speaker 3: gave it my best. I was like, who knows, maybe
• 18:50
  Speaker 3: there's a hidden talent we don't know. I've never tried,
• 18:53
  Speaker 3: and you know, did the whole thing, went through the
• 18:55
  Speaker 3: motions and they were like thank you. Next, but then again,
• 19:01
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna circle back to the company you keep and
• 19:04
  Speaker 3: the girlfriend you are. I'm there.
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: John Chu, director comes out to greet me. He doesn't
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: know who the fuck I am. And he goes, this
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: is one of my best friends and she can sing
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: like a songbird enjoy like verbatim, that is what she said.
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: I'm like him, I'm Deanna Rea.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: And so you you had just gone in for the
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: same part and you opened the door and you uplifted me.
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: I do that all the time. My agents hate me,
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: although I know my times I've done with Roslin.
• 19:30
  Speaker 3: Well, I'll read, I'll read a script and I go
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: into the audition and I go and it's somebody with
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: an accent, and I don't do accents very well, and
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: so they're like, okay talking to me and Ago, you
• 19:41
  Speaker 3: guys know who would be great for this part. And
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: she has an amazing accent, Rosin Sanchez. And I preached
• 19:46
  Speaker 3: her so many times and my agent finally called me.
• 19:48
  Speaker 3: He goes, if you fucking go in one more room
• 19:49
  Speaker 3: and pitch pitch Roslin Sanchez, and I was like, she's
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: just better. She's perfect for the bart, Like, why are
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: they seeing me? That's just it, That's what I'm saying.
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: Like it changes the trajectory of your life and your
• 20:01
  Speaker 3: experience when you keep company like this. Yeah, that's that's
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: how you uplift it.
• 20:07
  Speaker 1: But this also brings about a very fulfilling life, like
• 20:10
  Speaker 1: I will say, and I give myself grace for this.
• 20:14
  Speaker 1: I was just fifty what two years seconds ago, two
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: seconds ago when I first went to Europe ever in
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: my life, and I know this is a you know,
• 20:25
  Speaker 1: Champagne problem. I had never traveled to Europe and I
• 20:28
  Speaker 1: went to see you. I went to see you, and
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: it was I remember that moment when you said, hey,
• 20:33
  Speaker 1: are you Are you busy right now? Come visit me
• 20:34
  Speaker 1: because you were working. And I went thinking, I'll be
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: here for ten days and I'll see Barcelona, and it
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: was going to be Barcelona. This is why I brought
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: the Alberino. But this searching for France bitch just brought
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: in some French ones. I and I get there and
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: I'm there for ten days, had the time of my life.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: She's filming, I'm visiting her, I'm seeing sites and whatever.
• 20:56
  Speaker 3: And two days.
• 20:57
  Speaker 1: Before I left, you call me and you say, there's
• 21:00
  Speaker 1: the role of my best friend that we need to
• 21:02
  Speaker 1: shoot and that has to be American, has to be American.
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: Would you just stay?
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: And I'm thinking, oh, I'll say a couple of nights. Sure,
• 21:08
  Speaker 1: and you're like, all right, I'll see you in ten days.
• 21:10
  Speaker 1: I'm like, wait, hold on, And so my ten day
• 21:13
  Speaker 1: trip turned into three weeks.
• 21:14
  Speaker 3: So now the bar of visiting Europe is so high.
• 21:17
  Speaker 3: I got paid and.
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: I saw like more and I was able to shop
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: more and whatever.
• 21:22
  Speaker 3: No, you got to like live, you know, visiting a
• 21:26
  Speaker 3: place and living in a place is very different.
• 21:28
  Speaker 2: You have to live like a month.
• 21:29
  Speaker 3: But at the end of the month, and I was like,
• 21:31
  Speaker 3: my nails are falling off, my gray is coming in,
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: I gotta get my fucking ass home.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, okay, go go home. But yeah, yeah, yeah,
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 21:38
  Speaker 3: Like, you got to play the part of my best
• 21:40
  Speaker 3: friend and it doesn't work for another two weeks, so
• 21:42
  Speaker 3: just stay stay in shop, which I did, but that
• 21:45
  Speaker 3: I was rickety by the time I got home my
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: nails I had like four nails left on one hand.
• 21:50
  Speaker 3: It was crazy, but it was But yet I had
• 21:52
  Speaker 3: the time of my life.
• 21:53
  Speaker 1: But I don't want my children to wait to have
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: those experiences.
• 21:57
  Speaker 3: I don't want to be that version of my look.
• 22:00
  Speaker 3: Travel is a luxury. It is a luxury, I agree,
• 22:03
  Speaker 3: and you're right, it is a sham. Quote unquote champagne
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: problem because it's too expensive to travel. But I will say,
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: understanding you live in a global community is important. And
• 22:14
  Speaker 3: that's why I like, you know, traveling with my son,
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: because he, you know, knows so many he speaks many languages,
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: he knows so many things, and he's going to grow
• 22:24
  Speaker 3: up with like, Oh, we're all not the same, We're
• 22:26
  Speaker 3: all different, and every place is amazing and every place
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: is beautiful. And if we had the gift to to
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: travel more and the privilege to travel more, I think
• 22:34
  Speaker 3: we could understand that we live. You know, what happens
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: here isn't you know, is affecting the world. So I
• 22:42
  Speaker 3: do think it's great for children to experience.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: That, especially when like your children say to you, Mom,
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: I can come home for Thanksgiving, or I have an
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: opportunity to go to France to visit a friend who
• 22:52
  Speaker 1: lives there, so I can stay with her, knowing it's
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: going to cost her a fraction of the price she
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: bought her ticket.
• 22:59
  Speaker 3: And what And I'm like, go go at twenty one,
• 23:01
  Speaker 3: you've lacked me already. But I also I think it
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: falls into yeah, I didn't fly on a plane until
• 23:07
  Speaker 3: I was twenty Yeah, twenty five.
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: No, yeah, yeah, because I drove out to California. Really yeah, so.
• 23:18
  Speaker 3: That part of you still exists. The it's the exploration.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: It's not cheap, but I'm frugal.
• 23:25
  Speaker 3: I've seen you, like, we don't need those pillows. Those
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: ones from j C. Pennies are perfectly fine. To find
• 23:30
  Speaker 3: them up.
• 23:30
  Speaker 2: Let's go to Ross and get some throw pillows.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Absolutely, you're married, you have a fabulous husband, fabulous father.
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: Dusanti.
• 23:49
  Speaker 1: What do you think you do differently now in your
• 23:52
  Speaker 1: relationship that you didn't early your in your earlier relationships.
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: Well, you know, Pepa's like no other.
• 23:59
  Speaker 3: Everybody who meets Pep is like does he have a brother,
• 24:02
  Speaker 3: And I'm like, yeah, they're married, but yeah, they want
• 24:04
  Speaker 3: to colone him because it's the first relationship I have
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: had that just like our relationship, he only wants me
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: to win at life and does everything possible to provide
• 24:17
  Speaker 3: that infrastructure, right, whether it's like you go, you go
• 24:20
  Speaker 3: shoot that, I'll stay back, I'll will come to you,
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: and the whole family goes.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: When I travel, we all go, you know.
• 24:27
  Speaker 3: So we're really fortunate that way that he's just so
• 24:32
  Speaker 3: loving and and.
• 24:33
  Speaker 2: It's it's it's supportive.
• 24:35
  Speaker 3: It's not even the word because he's he's actively involved
• 24:40
  Speaker 3: with making sure I can achieve my dreams because it's
• 24:44
  Speaker 3: like beyond like I support you, go do it, babe.
• 24:46
  Speaker 3: He really helps me create the path for my success.
• 24:50
  Speaker 2: And I him, you know, and I him.
• 24:52
  Speaker 3: It's a very reciprocal thing. And it's the first time
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: we've had that.
• 24:56
  Speaker 1: It's just for that's the first relationship you've had that
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: has been that way.
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh my gosh, I'm that amazing. And you found
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: it later in life. Yeah, and I as well. And
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: it's like, it's a great question. Are the people do
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: the people around you, partner, uh, friends, whatever? Do they do?
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: They want to see you win? Do you feel that
• 25:19
  Speaker 3: in them? And it makes it And it doesn't mean
• 25:21
  Speaker 3: career wise everything everything, it's just whatever.
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: If you're on a weight management program because you have
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: a health issue, do they want to see you win?
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: Spiritually, you know, I want to. I wish I could
• 25:32
  Speaker 3: meditate more, journal more, pray more.
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: Whatever it is.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: That's a thing, right, I want Yeah, I want to.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: I want to be active and stay in shape and
• 25:40
  Speaker 3: I wish I had more time. Great, how can I
• 25:42
  Speaker 3: help you?
• 25:42
  Speaker 2: Do that. Yeah, you know, I want to travel more.
• 25:45
  Speaker 2: I want to be with my girlfriend's more. Great. How
• 25:46
  Speaker 2: can I help with that?
• 25:48
  Speaker 3: It's that answer that you know that is always doing,
• 25:51
  Speaker 3: is like great, So how can I help with that?
• 25:54
  Speaker 1: I remember last October a year ago, I was or
• 25:58
  Speaker 1: over a year ago now.
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: I was in a bad way. Just there's too much
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: on my plate. Yeah, and I was not giving myself
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: enough self care. And it was my partner. I said
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: something very flippantly and just said, oh, Eva said she's
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: got you know, she's you were in Spain and you
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: were shooting and she said, she said, come visit me whatever.
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: I dropped that on the table and my partner said,
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: you need to go. You need girlfriend time, you need rest,
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: and you need to detach from all of this shit
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: that's going on here. And within eight days I had
• 26:30
  Speaker 1: my flight. Yeah, and it was the most RESTful thing
• 26:33
  Speaker 1: in the world.
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: And he didn't he said, I'll take care of the dogs,
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: I got the house go. It wasn't even a question
• 26:39
  Speaker 3: of what it meant for him. It was all about me. Yeah, yeah,
• 26:43
  Speaker 3: big game changer.
• 26:44
  Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's a mature man.
• 26:46
  Speaker 1: As a mature man, but it took me a long
• 26:48
  Speaker 1: time to find this relationship in my life.
• 26:50
  Speaker 3: It took a long time for us to call it
• 26:52
  Speaker 3: into our life. I don't think, I think, especially as
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: successful independent women. Yeah I got it, I got it, Yeah,
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: I got it. Let me do that. I'm going to
• 27:01
  Speaker 3: do it better and I'm going to do it right.
• 27:03
  Speaker 3: And I don't want to have to tell you and
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: to let go and go.
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: You got it, you got it? Because I'm I'm out.
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: I'm going to spain. You got it? Okay? You know?
• 27:11
  Speaker 3: And that that's an evolution of us. But it's also
• 27:14
  Speaker 3: an evolution of like I need to call that into
• 27:18
  Speaker 3: my energetic field of desires. It's not manifestation as much
• 27:23
  Speaker 3: as like I need to create space for it. I
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: need to let go. How do you create space for you?
• 27:28
  Speaker 3: Now that's different than you.
• 27:29
  Speaker 2: Used to I never did create space. But here's the thing.
• 27:31
  Speaker 3: Being a mom late in life, it was all about me,
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: you know. So I didn't have Santi or a Pepe
• 27:37
  Speaker 3: in my life. I was like, Oh, it's all about me,
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: and I got to say yes to everything. You know,
• 27:41
  Speaker 3: do you either do you want to go to Dubai? Yeah?
• 27:44
  Speaker 3: You know, do you want to do this movie. Yeah,
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: you know what's best for me? You know, do I
• 27:49
  Speaker 3: do this or do I do that? What's best for me?
• 27:51
  Speaker 2: Me?
• 27:52
  Speaker 3: Me, me, me, And the minute Santi was born and
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: Pepe came into my life and then Santhia was born,
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: it's like, what's best for us is such an easy
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: filter now and I get to say no without guilt.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: Where before, if I said, well, should I don't know?
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: Should I pass on that movie? I don't know?
• 28:09
  Speaker 3: Should I pass on that opportunity? Oh, I don't know
• 28:11
  Speaker 3: if I should? Should I Do I do it? Do
• 28:12
  Speaker 3: I not do it?
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: There was it was always yes.
• 28:15
  Speaker 3: My whole career was about saying yes to every opportunity,
• 28:19
  Speaker 3: and now fifty and beyond is about saying no. Oh
• 28:24
  Speaker 3: I like that.
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah no, I don't you get I don't want to
• 28:26
  Speaker 2: go to dinner.
• 28:27
  Speaker 3: I don't. I don't if I don't want to be.
• 28:30
  Speaker 2: Much, let's go somewhere and shoot a campaign.
• 28:32
  Speaker 3: Yeah no, that is. But I will say I'm privileged
• 28:35
  Speaker 3: because I've set myself up in a way and I've
• 28:37
  Speaker 3: had the opportunities financially to be able to say no.
• 28:41
  Speaker 2: And I know that's not everybody's situation.
• 28:42
  Speaker 1: However, it can be minimized to something as simple as
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to go out this weekend and to
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: just whatever.
• 28:50
  Speaker 3: It can be.
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: Something very simple, and I will get to a place
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: of you know where, how.
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: Well or not, you can just say I don't want
• 28:57
  Speaker 2: to go where you were. You were at my house
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: and you were like, I got to go to this event,
• 29:00
  Speaker 2: and I was like, you don't go. That's it, you
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: gotta go home.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: You were exhaust your lash was falling off, you were exhausted,
• 29:06
  Speaker 3: you had heels in your hand, and you were starving.
• 29:10
  Speaker 3: And I fed you, and then you go, I really
• 29:13
  Speaker 3: got to go to this event. I go, why do
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: what happens if you don't go? What happens if you
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: don't go to this event? You go, I feel bad?
• 29:20
  Speaker 3: And then you go, all right, I'm going home. And
• 29:22
  Speaker 3: I did, and I got the best night in my sleep.
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: But I needed that person to say take care of you,
• 29:29
  Speaker 1: because I do think that even still, I do think
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: it's our generation as well.
• 29:33
  Speaker 3: Yeah, we show up, we go too, We provide, and
• 29:37
  Speaker 3: we hustle. Here's the other thing though, when we were like,
• 29:40
  Speaker 3: and you know, we have a friend Elsa who's like
• 29:42
  Speaker 3: this too. She shows up, She shows up for everybody
• 29:45
  Speaker 3: and everything and never keep me. And the best way,
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: she doesn't do it with resent resentment. She does it
• 29:49
  Speaker 3: with joy completely. So if I was going to dinner
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: with you, I'd be like, great, let's go to dinner.
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: If I was going, you know, to do this thing
• 29:56
  Speaker 3: with my family, you know, great. I can't wait when
• 29:59
  Speaker 3: I you know, I go home. I'm rushing home because
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: I want to cook dinner for my family. I can't
• 30:04
  Speaker 3: wait to cook dinner from it. It's so those things
• 30:06
  Speaker 3: are joyful to me. It's when you sign up for
• 30:09
  Speaker 3: something you really don't want to do and you're just
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: doing it because you made a commitment and you had
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: and there's those moments you have to do that. But
• 30:18
  Speaker 3: like with the podcast, you know, I have my podcast
• 30:20
  Speaker 3: Hungry for History, And before that, when we were thinking
• 30:23
  Speaker 3: and iHeart was like, what do you want to talk about?
• 30:25
  Speaker 3: And I said, if this thing is on my calendar
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: and I have to do how many episode forty episodes
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: of an hour each day time, if it's on my
• 30:33
  Speaker 3: calendar and I look at it with disdain, I'm not
• 30:35
  Speaker 3: going to enjoy it. Yeah, I have to look forward
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: to that one hour on my on my diary, and
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: so when Mike then I came up with we love
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: talking about food, like we geek out on you know, canning,
• 30:48
  Speaker 3: a Canning episode. You know.
• 30:50
  Speaker 2: We're like, we're gonna do an episode on.
• 30:52
  Speaker 3: Dishware, like we geek And every time it's on my schedule,
• 30:58
  Speaker 3: I look forward to it and we and we rap.
• 31:00
  Speaker 3: We're like, well, thanks for listening to I don't want
• 31:02
  Speaker 3: it to end. So that's what I'm talking about, like
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: finding it's not your passion, but finding things you're good
• 31:08
  Speaker 3: at and that you really love to do you resonate.
• 31:12
  Speaker 1: There's I could talk about curly hair, yeah, single parenting.
• 31:16
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and with your girlfriends and with my girlfriends and
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: single parenting and dating, and then this chapter of life
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: of wanting to really make sure I don't want women
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: to walk away walk.
• 31:30
  Speaker 1: Through it thinking that this is a negative, no matter
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: what society says, no matter what some somebody maybe older
• 31:37
  Speaker 1: in your life or younger, looks at you, like, it's
• 31:39
  Speaker 1: about this definition that we self define, that.
• 31:43
  Speaker 3: We self impose.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: And so when you when you talk to me about
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: taking this opportunity, I had a lot of concerns because
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm not an interviewer. I'm not a journalist,
• 31:53
  Speaker 1: but if I if it's something that resonates in my heart,
• 31:56
  Speaker 1: I think I.
• 31:56
  Speaker 2: Can do it well.
• 31:57
  Speaker 3: And you have great points of view on many topics,
• 32:01
  Speaker 3: and you come at it from I think an everyday
• 32:05
  Speaker 3: woman's I know you're a big TV star, but you
• 32:09
  Speaker 3: really come at situations and parenting and divorce and dating
• 32:12
  Speaker 3: and all these things from a Midwest Ohio girl that
• 32:17
  Speaker 3: happens to be Latina, that happens to be you know,
• 32:21
  Speaker 3: a hyphen it, you know, Dominican, American.
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: You know, like you're all of these things.
• 32:26
  Speaker 3: And so when you show up and you have an
• 32:28
  Speaker 3: opinion on it, it's like, I think there's something for
• 32:30
  Speaker 3: everybody to.
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: That will, you know, kind of dog whistle of.
• 32:34
  Speaker 3: Like ooh yeah, that's me, that's me. I feel that
• 32:37
  Speaker 3: I felt that before.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: I know that, and that's and that's important, and it's
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: good for me to hear that from you, because I
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: think that voice that says that version of yourself that
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: thinks you're running out of time, that tells you runn
• 32:50
  Speaker 1: out of time is a voice that I can battle
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: with sometimes.
• 32:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, but you are running out of time, so go
• 32:55
  Speaker 3: do it? Are you sexier now than you were when
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: you were twenty five. Well look, my twenty five year
• 33:11
  Speaker 3: old body was banging. Okay, that's not to our shelves.
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: By the way, in here is blushing. My ass was
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: pretty tight at twenty five. But I would love my
• 33:23
  Speaker 3: twenty five year old body with my fifty year old mind.
• 33:27
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. Oh she'd be a deadly combo.
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: That would be.
• 33:30
  Speaker 2: You think I'm successful.
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: Now when I was high and tight, when these were
• 33:37
  Speaker 4: up here and this was up there, girl girl, well
• 33:41
  Speaker 4: my Bethia, I didn't have a THI.
• 33:43
  Speaker 3: I remember Felicity, we were on set, Felicity helpman. I
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: was like, you know, ninety nine pounds. I remember I
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: was ninety nine pounds when I started as rest five
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: for two. By the way, I was so tiny and
• 33:56
  Speaker 3: I would eat anything. I would eat everything. And Phylicity
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: looked at me one day and she goes, you eat
• 34:00
  Speaker 3: like a child. And I like chicken tenders and French
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: fries and pizza. And it's as we're shooting the scene,
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: I'm like, and now before a red carpet, I'd order
• 34:10
  Speaker 3: pizza for hair and makeup, and before the golden globes,
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: and I'm just eating pizza and people are like, people
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: diet for two weeks before Golden globes, right, do cleanses
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: or whatever?
• 34:19
  Speaker 2: And I was like, wow, Valley, so yeah, do I
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: miss those days? Yes?
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: Okay, you're not above them because I saw you the
• 34:25
  Speaker 3: other day when you're on the way home, You're like,
• 34:27
  Speaker 3: can somebody run through tacobou.
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: By the way?
• 34:29
  Speaker 3: Lucky and I go into Windy's right after this. We're
• 34:31
  Speaker 3: absolutely gonna get a burger. So hungry, But no, I balanced.
• 34:36
  Speaker 2: Life's about balance.
• 34:38
  Speaker 1: Great, we all say that, how do you balance balance
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: what everything? Let's say I know you are with time
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: because you make your loved ones your priority and that
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: makes you happy.
• 34:50
  Speaker 3: How about just keeping so trim and fit? Well, that's
• 34:53
  Speaker 3: my that's my me time, that's your time, that's my
• 34:56
  Speaker 3: meditation hour.
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: Is working out?
• 34:58
  Speaker 3: Like I and people, I don't do it for vanity, even.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: Though people like, ooh, you don't do it for unity.
• 35:06
  Speaker 3: Really, eighty percent of me working out is like getting
• 35:10
  Speaker 3: that adrenaline in the morning, moving my body.
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: Because you work out early, You've invited me and you're
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: like six am, Like, oh.
• 35:16
  Speaker 3: I've been doing five am because I'm directing now. But yeah,
• 35:21
  Speaker 3: so I get up before thirty. I love it, but
• 35:22
  Speaker 3: not that I love it. I'm turned into my parents.
• 35:25
  Speaker 3: I'm like four thirty. I'm happy, happy, happy, But.
• 35:29
  Speaker 1: I also know that for the longest time you probably
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: still are. It's ten PM, bed lights out.
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: Ten.
• 35:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like ten even event because I'm in at eight thirty.
• 35:39
  Speaker 3: The mask is on, uh on. But because I'm directing now.
• 35:43
  Speaker 3: But like, yeah, if i have to go to an event,
• 35:45
  Speaker 3: I've got to leave by nine. I've got to I've
• 35:46
  Speaker 3: got to be a sleep by ten. I really am
• 35:49
  Speaker 3: obsessed with my sleep, and I have the oar ring
• 35:52
  Speaker 3: and then now I get I have the other ring,
• 35:53
  Speaker 3: and I am all about biohacking. Like you tell me
• 35:58
  Speaker 3: it works. I'm like, let's do it. That's yeah, I'm
• 36:01
  Speaker 3: gonna try it. I'm gonna do it.
• 36:02
  Speaker 2: I buy it.
• 36:03
  Speaker 3: Sleep that's the problem. Yeah, sleep is the key to everything.
• 36:07
  Speaker 3: So I sleep well. Take my magnesium. I take my
• 36:09
  Speaker 3: I do my drink, I do my pills, I do
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: the bath, I do like I'm a magnesium expert. Magnesium
• 36:15
  Speaker 3: in my life.
• 36:16
  Speaker 2: You need a magniezine. It also helps with the stomach, and.
• 36:19
  Speaker 3: That's a big thing because I have a cortisol issue
• 36:21
  Speaker 3: always yeah, yeah, it's pause, and I time my coffee
• 36:25
  Speaker 3: based on cortisol spikes and when I have the coffee
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: and whenever, like I am obsessed figure out your cortisol
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: for coffee. Well, your cortisol is what wakes you up,
• 36:36
  Speaker 3: and so that's what wakes you up in the morning.
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: So for the first ninety minutes, you really shouldn't have
• 36:40
  Speaker 3: This is, by the way, according to all podcasts.
• 36:44
  Speaker 2: That I too.
• 36:45
  Speaker 3: I'm not the experts, but you should have your coffee
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: ninety minutes after you wake up because you have so
• 36:49
  Speaker 3: much in your system that caffeine. You're not getting the
• 36:52
  Speaker 3: benefit of caffeine. By the way, that caffeine is not
• 36:55
  Speaker 3: a bad guy. It's just it's just you're not really
• 36:56
  Speaker 3: getting the benefit of it. And after ninety minutes it'll
• 36:59
  Speaker 3: you'll you'll feel like, wow, this coffee is so good,
• 37:01
  Speaker 3: and I do. I considered it a treat too, because
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I love anythings I've been waiting for for
• 37:05
  Speaker 3: ninety minutes. As opposed to autopilot, we do so many
• 37:08
  Speaker 3: things on autopilot, yet into that rut. You get into
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: a rut and then you forget like you're not even
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: enjoying your coffee.
• 37:15
  Speaker 2: I love coffee.
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: You are one.
• 37:17
  Speaker 2: I don't know what you will. I love life. I
• 37:19
  Speaker 2: love you do.
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: And you also love flowers. And I've seen you buy
• 37:22
  Speaker 3: more off shoes are TikTok shop, which I probably there's
• 37:27
  Speaker 3: probably we probably maybe shouldn't promote TikTok shop. But but
• 37:31
  Speaker 3: because they're probably stealing my information, I'm pretty sure.
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: But aren't these great?
• 37:35
  Speaker 3: They're gorgeous.
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: Yeah, but I've seen like you're not a you love
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: to try anything like sample, let me see what is
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: it great?
• 37:43
  Speaker 3: It doesn't work.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: I try everything.
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: I try everything, and especially like I said, if it's
• 37:47
  Speaker 3: a biohack like you know this magnesium or uh, potassium
• 37:52
  Speaker 3: is the greatest little secret that we don't know yet
• 37:54
  Speaker 3: about self care. Sleep just sleep sleep, And it's not
• 37:59
  Speaker 3: just it's justly you see how I look at it.
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: It's not I just need to sleep.
• 38:03
  Speaker 3: No, You've got to really budget your time and back
• 38:09
  Speaker 3: that ass up into that bedtime routine. And that includes
• 38:13
  Speaker 3: my my prayer slash meditation slash journaling time. That includes
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: me spending time with Santy and reading him his books
• 38:21
  Speaker 3: and spent putting making sure he feels safe when we
• 38:24
  Speaker 3: go to bed, so he wakes up with that and
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: making sure that you know, uh, everything's ready for the
• 38:31
  Speaker 3: night before, because I don't.
• 38:32
  Speaker 2: Want to scramble in the morning. And it's a whole thing.
• 38:34
  Speaker 3: It's a routine of I want to be prepared, but
• 38:39
  Speaker 3: but budgeting when you need to sleep and how you
• 38:42
  Speaker 3: need to sleep. I need to take my maging eesy
• 38:43
  Speaker 3: im okay. If I'm going to sleep at eight, I
• 38:45
  Speaker 3: take I mean easy and at six. And it's a lot.
• 38:47
  Speaker 3: It's a lot of things to manage. So it's not
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: just like let me get let me go lay in
• 38:51
  Speaker 3: bed at eight o'clock and hope, hope for the best.
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: Like no, no, you've got to really set yourself up
• 38:56
  Speaker 3: for success. And so reading about it and searching, you know,
• 39:00
  Speaker 3: there's so many experts on it. Now Steve the Diary
• 39:04
  Speaker 3: of CEO. He's had three sleep experts on and they're
• 39:08
  Speaker 3: not contradictory.
• 39:10
  Speaker 2: They're saying the same they're all saying the same thing.
• 39:12
  Speaker 3: And especially for menopausal women, women over fifty. So you know,
• 39:16
  Speaker 3: how I slept in my thirties is a different way
• 39:18
  Speaker 3: than how I'm sleeping now.
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: Oh, everything's different. By the way, this one glass of
• 39:21
  Speaker 1: wine luckily is hours LONGO. Yeah, is before many hours
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: before I go to sleep, because this will now wake
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: me up and it didn't use to.
• 39:30
  Speaker 2: It is eight am right now, guys.
• 39:32
  Speaker 3: That's that's when you can drink wine, just so it
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: gets out of your system. It's five o'clock somewhere.
• 39:38
  Speaker 2: No, but it is.
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh my god, I don't drink. I accidentally did
• 39:41
  Speaker 3: dryuary Ry.
• 39:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't mean to.
• 39:46
  Speaker 3: I just forgot to drink. And I'm a drinker, and
• 39:49
  Speaker 3: I just because I've been directing and I just you know,
• 39:51
  Speaker 3: want to be alert, and I thought, you know, oh wow,
• 39:54
  Speaker 3: this is my this is going to improve my life
• 39:56
  Speaker 3: so much.
• 39:56
  Speaker 2: I'm like, that's so much. That's kind of miss drinking.
• 39:59
  Speaker 3: But no, but for certain women, certain ages, you know,
• 40:02
  Speaker 3: I can't. I definitely can't drink at night. No, I can.
• 40:06
  Speaker 3: I can have a cocktail cocktail. The reason why cocktail
• 40:09
  Speaker 3: hour is called cocktail hours because it's usually a four
• 40:11
  Speaker 3: to six and there's talked like that that's it. Especially
• 40:14
  Speaker 3: if you're in bed by eight thirty. I'm bed Like, Look,
• 40:16
  Speaker 3: if Santigo is a bed at six thirty, if I
• 40:18
  Speaker 3: could fall asleep with him at six thirty.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: I would also.
• 40:20
  Speaker 3: Eating when you eat, when you eat, when you take
• 40:23
  Speaker 3: your supplements, when you drink your glass glass of wine,
• 40:25
  Speaker 3: when so many things go into I just need to
• 40:28
  Speaker 3: sleep more.
• 40:29
  Speaker 2: No, let's figure out we're going to get you on
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: a sleep program.
• 40:32
  Speaker 3: I need it. Your pillow, Okay, that's what I want
• 40:36
  Speaker 3: to travel with.
• 40:36
  Speaker 1: The temperature is is something that if you want to
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: live and live happily alongside me, just what shut the
• 40:45
  Speaker 1: fuck up and let me put it where I need
• 40:47
  Speaker 1: to put it, which is cold sixty two.
• 40:50
  Speaker 3: I need.
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: I need that's good colder. The better I do for
• 40:54
  Speaker 2: you to get sleep eight.
• 40:55
  Speaker 3: This is eight is this bed system that you can
• 40:58
  Speaker 3: manage different sides and oh I need that. You need
• 41:01
  Speaker 3: it because my guy is there. He at full on
• 41:04
  Speaker 3: hoodie sweating up. I mean he's freezing. You control your side,
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: he controls his side. He can make his warm, you
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: can make yours. Freezing, the blankets freezing, the mattress is freezing.
• 41:17
  Speaker 3: And the way you wake up as well. You know
• 41:20
  Speaker 3: what's the name of the company, Sleep eight Sleep If
• 41:23
  Speaker 3: you would like to sponsor us. Sleep eight is really
• 41:27
  Speaker 3: a bit, a bit life changing. My husband, My husband
• 41:30
  Speaker 3: loves it, but Also there's a setting on it that
• 41:34
  Speaker 3: vibrates that wakes you up, so you know, instead of
• 41:36
  Speaker 3: these alarms somewhere else and yeah, no, no, no, it's
• 41:40
  Speaker 3: not a good time about it.
• 41:43
  Speaker 2: Not a happy ending. Sleep eight. It's not a happy ending.
• 41:46
  Speaker 3: It's about wagging you up so you're not waking up
• 41:48
  Speaker 3: to that stupid alarm with your phone by the bed.
• 41:50
  Speaker 3: Oh that's it's just gently waking you up. And you're like, oh, well,
• 41:56
  Speaker 3: California is dangerous because you're like, is there an earthquake?
• 41:58
  Speaker 3: That's right? Other than it's a little bougie, but I
• 42:01
  Speaker 3: mean I would do it.
• 42:02
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm going to buy it for you. I'm going
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: to get you sleeping.
• 42:04
  Speaker 3: I don't love and I'm ask you got to wear
• 42:06
  Speaker 3: an I mask. Do you wear an I mask? No,
• 42:08
  Speaker 3: you have to wear a mask. By that that my
• 42:11
  Speaker 3: hair will have an indent from it.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: But then there's another mask that goes through the air.
• 42:16
  Speaker 3: And why is it difference? Do you really think it
• 42:18
  Speaker 3: makes a difference?
• 42:18
  Speaker 2: Absolutely makes a difference. What what does it not have? Light?
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: Look at close your eyes? Do you not see that light?
• 42:24
  Speaker 3: Well? For sure, right there there's a light. There, there's lights,
• 42:26
  Speaker 3: more spotlights on me.
• 42:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:29
  Speaker 3: Also, you know temperature I ask before bed, starting to
• 42:33
  Speaker 3: lower the lights.
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: Let's start lowering the lights.
• 42:35
  Speaker 3: Okay, that I believe in because it stimulated. Yeah, on
• 42:39
  Speaker 3: the bio rhythm that needs to be on. There's anyway,
• 42:41
  Speaker 3: it's a whole thing. Getting good sleep will change your life.
• 42:43
  Speaker 3: So there's one trick that people go, how do you
• 42:45
  Speaker 3: look so good at fifty? I prioritize sleep.
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: That is an inexpensive Yeah. Wait, it really is a
• 42:53
  Speaker 1: care commitment.
• 42:54
  Speaker 3: All it is a commitment. It's not expensive. It's just
• 42:57
  Speaker 3: a commitment.
• 42:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 42:58
  Speaker 3: Do you sleep with animals in your room? Do you
• 42:59
  Speaker 3: sleep with I sleep with Santhi, my husband, the dog, everything's.
• 43:04
  Speaker 2: In my room.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: I could never do that.
• 43:06
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 43:06
  Speaker 3: I was with my girlfriend Maria, my girlfriend, they sleep
• 43:09
  Speaker 3: in separate rooms there, they don't sleep together, and she
• 43:11
  Speaker 3: says it's life changing.
• 43:12
  Speaker 2: Loves it.
• 43:13
  Speaker 3: Oh well I do like my guy next to me.
• 43:14
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Well that's one thing. It's like do you like
• 43:16
  Speaker 2: do you like? You know? But do you watch TV?
• 43:19
  Speaker 2: Do you know? There's so many, so many things that
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: can improve your life if you've just prioritize how sleep.
• 43:34
  Speaker 3: What do you think has changed about sex? And I
• 43:36
  Speaker 3: don't say you don't have to.
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: Give any grad that sex doesn't have to be at night.
• 43:40
  Speaker 3: Thank you. I'm like, listen, if I always sex has
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: to be at night, sex is at night. Sex at night.
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: We just ate this dinner. I like, the last thing
• 43:48
  Speaker 3: I want to do is like get sexy. Get sexy
• 43:52
  Speaker 3: when I have like pasta in my throat and again,
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: bring our bio again, our bio rhythm. Tell us differently,
• 44:01
  Speaker 3: And you can take this test online. We can put
• 44:04
  Speaker 3: it in your in your captions. There's a test online
• 44:07
  Speaker 3: that can tell you your sleep type and wins the
• 44:10
  Speaker 3: best time for you to be aroused.
• 44:12
  Speaker 1: Really, mine's going to be like at four forty six
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: to four point fifty two, that's it, And my guys
• 44:21
  Speaker 1: is going to be like from one am to like eleven.
• 44:24
  Speaker 2: People, if you have.
• 44:25
  Speaker 3: A partner, you're usually on the same bioghythm. Really, yeah,
• 44:28
  Speaker 3: it's very rare that you're like, my husband's a night
• 44:30
  Speaker 3: al and I'm a morning and it's usually getting to
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: the same rim. Okay, that sounds fascinating, yeah, but it's
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: not that that that was something I just learned on
• 44:38
  Speaker 3: many of it.
• 44:39
  Speaker 1: But he's also going to be like, hey, you said
• 44:40
  Speaker 1: it was an eleven fifty six, and here we are
• 44:42
  Speaker 1: fifty six.
• 44:43
  Speaker 3: Let's go Oh my god.
• 44:46
  Speaker 1: Okay, well, these are all great nuggets to take with this.
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: And I want to ask you this though, because you
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: can't have everything figured out?
• 44:53
  Speaker 3: So ill you can't it? Is it possibly everything? So
• 44:57
  Speaker 3: I want to end this with this little segment. Is
• 45:00
  Speaker 3: it just me? Or or is anyone anybody else?
• 45:03
  Speaker 2: Is just so many?
• 45:04
  Speaker 3: Or is anybody else? Like I said, suddenly growing nose
• 45:07
  Speaker 3: hair like my grandfather.
• 45:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I was like, is it just me?
• 45:10
  Speaker 3: Or is is everybody having dinner at six pm? Yes?
• 45:17
  Speaker 3: My parents?
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: Look, I love the six pm reservation. Don't threaten me
• 45:22
  Speaker 2: with a good time. I'm good with that.
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, whenever we meet at dinner, no, I I you know, God,
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: is it? We have a lot of them? I feel like,
• 45:31
  Speaker 3: is it just me? Or is the world falling apart?
• 45:33
  Speaker 2: A lot?
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: Yeah?
• 45:34
  Speaker 2: You know, I feel that a lot.
• 45:36
  Speaker 3: Is it just me? Or is the world falling apart
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: of Okay, we're okay, okay, okay. And and you know
• 45:43
  Speaker 3: a lot of historians are like, we've been in worst
• 45:45
  Speaker 3: moments and in our history we just never knew about it.
• 45:48
  Speaker 3: Now we have so much information. There's too much information.
• 45:50
  Speaker 3: We have too much airvision. And so because information is cheap,
• 45:54
  Speaker 3: it's not the truth. It's just information. And so that's
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: the thing we have to navigate, is like filtering through
• 46:00
  Speaker 3: all this information to get to the truth because it's
• 46:03
  Speaker 3: really just one truth. How do you take a break
• 46:05
  Speaker 3: from it? Because it's inun dating, you know what, I
• 46:08
  Speaker 3: did a detox cleanse on my on my phone, where
• 46:13
  Speaker 3: like my social media is not on my main phone,
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: and so when I when the one that you need
• 46:17
  Speaker 3: to call me and I need to text you, that's
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: like not has doesn't have social media.
• 46:22
  Speaker 2: And so there's moments when I get to do my social.
• 46:24
  Speaker 3: Media and I detoxed who I follow Like I was
• 46:29
  Speaker 3: like CNN, BBC, all the news.
• 46:31
  Speaker 2: I wanted the news, give me the news. And then
• 46:35
  Speaker 2: I was like do woop poop.
• 46:36
  Speaker 3: I just got rid of all of them because I
• 46:40
  Speaker 3: didn't want that information. And then I started following all
• 46:43
  Speaker 3: the good news good news movement and uh, you know
• 46:46
  Speaker 3: all these really positivity and positive thinking and tank good news.
• 46:50
  Speaker 3: And now I'm just bawling all day long because I'm like.
• 46:53
  Speaker 2: Soldier Game was going to say, and thoughts, I'm like
• 46:59
  Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if I just interchanged emotions.
• 47:02
  Speaker 3: I was sitting there listening watching a reel of endless
• 47:05
  Speaker 3: military reunion videos while I was getting a pedicure. This
• 47:08
  Speaker 3: woman thought she was affusing me because I was bowling
• 47:10
  Speaker 3: my eyes out. Let me in with the rapid fee.
• 47:12
  Speaker 3: Is it just me or are we? Is everybody going gray?
• 47:15
  Speaker 3: Or is it just me? Because is everybody going great?
• 47:18
  Speaker 3: Let me tell you something. I lorry out my shit
• 47:21
  Speaker 3: today because totally I.
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: Ran out of my lorreale and my my colorist just
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: retired unexpectedly.
• 47:28
  Speaker 3: So I am coming in so hot. Oh I'm fucked, Yeah,
• 47:32
  Speaker 3: I am fucked.
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 47:33
  Speaker 3: But the Magic Root, the Magic Root is amazing, amazing,
• 47:37
  Speaker 3: and as you can see, I ran out of it
• 47:38
  Speaker 3: and that's why you can see my gray.
• 47:39
  Speaker 2: I have some in my purse on it. But yeah,
• 47:42
  Speaker 2: I was.
• 47:42
  Speaker 3: It's so funny too, because there's some things that I
• 47:44
  Speaker 3: say about myself that I go, I'm so body positive.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: You know, aging's great, doesn't matter, but I won't go gray,
• 47:54
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean? But like, if you go gray, babe,
• 47:57
  Speaker 3: good for you, Hi ba, you should do it.
• 48:02
  Speaker 2: Be brave.
• 48:03
  Speaker 3: And then you tell me, oh you should let you're
• 48:05
  Speaker 3: a great and bitch. No, no, not ready. Give me
• 48:09
  Speaker 3: my magic root, give me my box color, and I
• 48:13
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be in the grave. I am not
• 48:15
  Speaker 3: going with colored hair totally like lucky, you know, lucky
• 48:21
  Speaker 3: win great, lucky beautiful.
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: Yeah, no, that looks beautiful. I tried to do it
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: in COVID.
• 48:27
  Speaker 3: I'm ready, I'm ready, and then and then like three
• 48:30
  Speaker 3: inches out.
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: I'm not ready. Rapid fire, alright, I'm not good at
• 48:33
  Speaker 2: rapid fire.
• 48:34
  Speaker 3: As you are here, you go. Well, we kind of
• 48:36
  Speaker 3: covered all these subjects now that I'm looking at them.
• 48:38
  Speaker 3: Night hour in bed, before ten in bed, okay, thermostat
• 48:42
  Speaker 3: at sixty seven or crack a fucking window sixty seven. Okay,
• 48:45
  Speaker 3: we can sleep together.
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, shower okay for play, shower together or day an
• 48:51
  Speaker 1: episode of dateline, murder porn.
• 48:53
  Speaker 3: Oh, shower, math, candle massage definitely not no, no murder,
• 48:59
  Speaker 3: no murdern Winter Olympics figure skating are.
• 49:02
  Speaker 2: Curling figure skating?
• 49:05
  Speaker 3: Okay, you know it's so funny. I learned how to
• 49:08
  Speaker 3: ski where it was it tahoe or veil. It wasn't
• 49:11
  Speaker 3: Aspen because Aspens was too expensive. But when I learned
• 49:14
  Speaker 3: how snowboard. It was all Argentinians that ran the skier.
• 49:16
  Speaker 3: I mean, they're all the ski instructors. And I had
• 49:19
  Speaker 3: already known how to snowboard. And then you get there
• 49:21
  Speaker 3: and we had a lesson and there was this gorgeous Argentinian.
• 49:24
  Speaker 2: He was like, do you need.
• 49:25
  Speaker 3: Help going down the going down the heat and I
• 49:27
  Speaker 3: was like I do, I do need help And he's
• 49:31
  Speaker 3: holding my hand as we're going down the hill and
• 49:33
  Speaker 3: my best friend's like, she knows that a.
• 49:34
  Speaker 2: Snowboard, like shut up, shut up. So man, gorgeous Argentinians
• 49:38
  Speaker 2: are shut the hell up.
• 49:41
  Speaker 3: I do need help going down the slide.
• 49:44
  Speaker 2: They're all Argentinian. It's in their blood snowboarding.
• 49:48
  Speaker 3: That's so great. And by the way, we got to
• 49:51
  Speaker 3: the Bamba hill and I had a cramp. He take
• 49:53
  Speaker 3: he took off my boot and was massage. This was
• 49:54
  Speaker 3: like one hundred years ago. Back get out and was
• 49:56
  Speaker 3: massaging on my foot. So by the time my best
• 49:58
  Speaker 3: friends all get down, they go, are.
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: You kidding cute?
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: Serious?
• 50:02
  Speaker 3: I was, and I'm like this and I'm like, I
• 50:04
  Speaker 3: just know what's comedy. Baby to the company. You keep
• 50:08
  Speaker 3: those bitches that are just like calling you on me
• 50:13
  Speaker 3: go find your own Argentinian snowboarder. I feel like I
• 50:18
  Speaker 3: would have tried the same thing and it wouldn't have happened.
• 50:20
  Speaker 3: You can roll your foot out on a rock over here,
• 50:23
  Speaker 3: just go like take your boot off and like go
• 50:25
  Speaker 3: over the rock.
• 50:26
  Speaker 2: I felt. Help me.
• 50:29
  Speaker 3: I've never been good at the damsel in distress. It's
• 50:31
  Speaker 3: never worked for me. They didn't buy it. No, I'm
• 50:33
  Speaker 3: not an ingineue. I tried.
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that this experience will be better and
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: this chapter will not be overlooked the more we can
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: share with each other, like secrets, what are your little secrets?
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: What are your secrets about how to walk through this
• 50:48
  Speaker 1: chapter in life?
• 50:49
  Speaker 3: And that's that.
• 50:50
  Speaker 2: It is just a chapter being old.
• 50:52
  Speaker 3: No, that's just it. Okay, first we're gonna walk away
• 50:55
  Speaker 3: from that. We're not old. We're just getting started. We're
• 50:57
  Speaker 3: just getting started getting started. Are you're talking about what
• 51:00
  Speaker 3: gen xers? Gen xers?
• 51:02
  Speaker 1: What are what are our secrets? Like, what's your little
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: secret secret secret power?
• 51:06
  Speaker 3: You know, superpower? Well, no, honestly, my secret power is girlfriends. Yes,
• 51:12
  Speaker 3: I think and people are like, oh girl, squad. No,
• 51:15
  Speaker 3: it's like deep connection with a handful of women in
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: your life that that's changed, isn't it. Yeah, that's definitely
• 51:23
  Speaker 3: judged because I've aways had friend I've always had friends,
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: I mean, and I have the same friends for thirty years.
• 51:27
  Speaker 2: So I've had.
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: These deep sisters of life in my world for forever,
• 51:35
  Speaker 3: you know, applauding me when I'm succeeding and lifting me
• 51:37
  Speaker 3: up when I'm down, and you know, holding my hair
• 51:41
  Speaker 3: back as you're in the toilet, and then you know,
• 51:44
  Speaker 3: holding my wedding gown as I walk down many weddings.
• 51:48
  Speaker 2: That I've had, the isle of many weddings that I've had.
• 51:51
  Speaker 3: You know, who's up, Get up? But so yeah, I
• 51:55
  Speaker 3: do think that's the secret to life is like getting
• 51:57
  Speaker 3: those girls, the right girl, the right girl, mistery around you,
• 52:01
  Speaker 3: and it changes your your your definition of what's right.
• 52:04
  Speaker 2: I had.
• 52:05
  Speaker 3: I have to tell you I had.
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: One of the most painful things in my life that
• 52:09
  Speaker 1: I experienced was my divorce. The second one of the
• 52:12
  Speaker 1: second most painful experience I had was a falling out
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: with two girlfriends. I introduced them to each other. So
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: the fact that there was this turn wounded my heart
• 52:22
  Speaker 1: so bad that it really was almost like a midlife
• 52:26
  Speaker 1: crisis type moment where I question relationships. We were already friends,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: we were already good friends, but it just so happened
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: that you text me and said, Hey, I'm an Albuquerque,
• 52:38
  Speaker 1: I'm filming, come visit me. And it was a quick
• 52:42
  Speaker 1: jaunt flight and I needed those four days with girlfriends
• 52:46
  Speaker 1: that I could trust and to reevaluate what my priorities
• 52:49
  Speaker 1: were with that. With that, I remember when you told
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: me the story and I.
• 52:55
  Speaker 3: Go her, yeah, them because they were such a big
• 52:59
  Speaker 3: part of your life and how it was.
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: I think this can happen in many different areas in
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: your life and things when you experience heartbreak with other
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: people or because of other people, and you don't get
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: to tell your side and no one's asked you what happened?
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: That people that are no are familiar and I was
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: so I'm not trying to sound like a martyr, but
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: I was so committed to not talking shit about other
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: women that I just thought, well, those who know me
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: will know, they will know whether or not it fits
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: the rumor or whatever.
• 53:33
  Speaker 3: And it did propel me to elevating.
• 53:38
  Speaker 1: My needs for the girlfriends that I need to have
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: in my circle. And that's when I feel like my
• 53:45
  Speaker 1: life for just the trajectory of my life with women
• 53:49
  Speaker 1: in my women in my circle just grew and got
• 53:52
  Speaker 1: better and got better, and it needed to. It's one
• 53:55
  Speaker 1: of those growing pains that hurts, but I needed to
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: go through it to surround myself with.
• 54:00
  Speaker 3: But that's another secret I think I live by is
• 54:04
  Speaker 3: I don't dwell on the past ever.
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: Okay, was that something that you were raised with? Because
• 54:10
  Speaker 1: my parents are like, you let go and you move on.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: You don't have the grid less than I learned from
• 54:15
  Speaker 3: my family. That's just something that it makes sense to
• 54:19
  Speaker 3: let go. Yeah, why would I hold on to anger, bitterness, resentment,
• 54:26
  Speaker 3: jealousy immediate Like for me, I'm like, oh god, no,
• 54:33
  Speaker 3: bye bye. And you were always like that.
• 54:35
  Speaker 2: I was always like that.
• 54:36
  Speaker 3: I was always half glass fully, I was always an
• 54:39
  Speaker 3: optimistic person, and I was always living forward, moving forward
• 54:43
  Speaker 3: so much so that I need to live in the present.
• 54:46
  Speaker 2: But I've never dwelt on the past.
• 54:48
  Speaker 1: I'm going to say we have that in common. I
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: remember going through a breakup that was so painful and
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: it was lasting too long. The pain was lasting too long,
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: but the pain was anger at myself. And I remember
• 55:02
  Speaker 1: six months after the breakup when I was still waking
• 55:05
  Speaker 1: up angry at myself. I looked up to the heavens
• 55:07
  Speaker 1: and I said, I'm tired of feeling this way, so
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: give me whatever it is I need to have to
• 55:13
  Speaker 1: move on because I'm not used to carrying the weight
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: of resentment, and the resentment sort of suf Something lifted
• 55:19
  Speaker 1: in that day, just something. I finally gave myself permission
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: to give myself grace forgiveness for what I ignored, and
• 55:28
  Speaker 1: I flew from that point on, I flew, and it's.
• 55:32
  Speaker 3: That's a life lesson.
• 55:33
  Speaker 1: What piece of advice would you give women that you
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: don't think is obvious as simple as yeah, let's go
• 55:39
  Speaker 1: ahead and pour.
• 55:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah that's obvious.
• 55:44
  Speaker 1: Just really, you know it can be that simple, but
• 55:48
  Speaker 1: it could make the biggest difference in the world.
• 55:52
  Speaker 3: Like what I love.
• 55:53
  Speaker 1: About friends like you, right, And I always believe that
• 55:57
  Speaker 1: I've always been this kind of friend. If you are
• 56:00
  Speaker 1: not available to me because of whatever you have lifing
• 56:04
  Speaker 1: in your life, that's okay. When you get back to me,
• 56:08
  Speaker 1: we'll pick up where we left off.
• 56:10
  Speaker 3: I that's good for you. Over the fire. That's a
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: common um. That's I think people know that I don't.
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: I don't think that's not obvious. That's obvious. Yeah yeah,
• 56:18
  Speaker 3: I can go away to Spain and shoot a show
• 56:20
  Speaker 3: for six months and come back and we're like, ma,
• 56:22
  Speaker 3: you know, yeah, no that that. I've always been that
• 56:25
  Speaker 3: way too. I do think I think, you know, sometimes
• 56:30
  Speaker 3: I give advice to people of not taking things personal. Yes,
• 56:34
  Speaker 3: I mean I live by the Four Agreements. One of
• 56:36
  Speaker 3: my favorite books, don't be Able to Lease gave you,
• 56:38
  Speaker 3: gifted me a copy.
• 56:39
  Speaker 2: And uh, do your best.
• 56:41
  Speaker 3: I always do my best every day, especially if I'm underestimated.
• 56:45
  Speaker 3: I'm like, oh great, oh great, and then I like,
• 56:48
  Speaker 3: over deliver, you know, do your best, be impeccable with
• 56:51
  Speaker 3: your word, and uh, don't take things personal is a
• 57:01
  Speaker 3: big one, and I never have. I never have. I
• 57:05
  Speaker 3: didn't grow up. I didn't grow up like that. No,
• 57:07
  Speaker 3: I didn't grow up with beauty as a character in
• 57:13
  Speaker 3: my life. I didn't have a relationship to beauty. I
• 57:15
  Speaker 3: was the ugly duckling. I was le Prieta. I was
• 57:19
  Speaker 3: the dark one, and so I got to develop other attributes.
• 57:23
  Speaker 3: I was like, I'm going to be the funny one.
• 57:25
  Speaker 3: I'm going to be the smart one. And then I thought,
• 57:29
  Speaker 3: you know what, when you know I blossomed into who
• 57:33
  Speaker 3: I am today. It was not centered around you know,
• 57:38
  Speaker 3: oh you're so pretty, and oh this is you know,
• 57:42
  Speaker 3: this is the social construct of what that means to
• 57:44
  Speaker 3: be a pretty woman.
• 57:45
  Speaker 2: And I was like, oh that's not for me. That's
• 57:47
  Speaker 2: never been for me.
• 57:48
  Speaker 3: And I think that women should give each other grace.
• 57:53
  Speaker 3: You know, there's so much hate. You know when I
• 57:57
  Speaker 3: always say, you know who helps women other ones?
• 58:00
  Speaker 2: Right? You know who tears down women? Other women? Right?
• 58:05
  Speaker 3: And so there's this thing that I think women need
• 58:09
  Speaker 3: to understand is like give women grace.
• 58:11
  Speaker 2: The mom shaming. You post a funny photo and they're like,
• 58:14
  Speaker 2: that diaper is full. How did you not change that
• 58:17
  Speaker 2: diaper on that beda?
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: And You're like, the whole point of the photo was
• 58:21
  Speaker 3: you know, he was laughing. I do these podcasts and
• 58:24
  Speaker 3: you're asking the best of me, and I want to
• 58:26
  Speaker 3: give the put my best foot forward. There's a shit
• 58:28
  Speaker 3: show happening at home, let me tell you, you know
• 58:30
  Speaker 3: what I mean, Like, you know, Santi's having a tandrum.
• 58:33
  Speaker 3: You know, his teacher just left the school. We're trying
• 58:35
  Speaker 3: to find a replace. It's there, it's always there's always
• 58:39
  Speaker 3: a fire to put out. Absolutely it's just you got
• 58:41
  Speaker 3: to you got to handle it with grace, and you
• 58:43
  Speaker 3: just got to do it and not complain about it
• 58:45
  Speaker 3: and move forward and then give yourself time and space
• 58:48
  Speaker 3: to heal and take your bath and light your candles
• 58:51
  Speaker 3: and smell the flowers and drink the coffee and have
• 58:53
  Speaker 3: a glass of wine.
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: The fact that you're always that you do live by
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: glass half full. You live that way for yourself as well. Yeah,
• 59:01
  Speaker 1: so something, if you are struggling with something, you still
• 59:04
  Speaker 1: approach it from the perspective of glass half full.
• 59:06
  Speaker 3: Yeah, the wine is getting to me.
• 59:08
  Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I have loved this conversation to you,
• 59:12
  Speaker 1: my heart. I cannot thank you for being one of
• 59:14
  Speaker 1: those women that uplift, that is always there for me
• 59:18
  Speaker 1: no matter where and what time I show up, and
• 59:22
  Speaker 1: that encourages me to get better sleep.
• 59:25
  Speaker 2: We're going to work on your sleep. We're gonna work
• 59:27
  Speaker 2: and sleep.
• 59:28
  Speaker 3: A lot of stuff, a lot of stuff we're going
• 59:29
  Speaker 3: to change. No, I'm so happy for you. I'm excited
• 59:33
  Speaker 3: for this next chapter in your It's not gonna be
• 59:36
  Speaker 3: your professional life, in your life.
• 59:38
  Speaker 2: This is so therapeutic to be able to share these moments.
• 59:40
  Speaker 3: With not just the person that's sitting in front of
• 59:43
  Speaker 3: this microphone, but the people who will be listening to
• 59:45
  Speaker 3: your voice and taking a little jewel of wisdom and going,
• 59:49
  Speaker 3: oh yeah, I needed to hear that you have no
• 59:51
  Speaker 3: idea the amount of people you're going to affect.
• 59:53
  Speaker 2: You. Just wait, you, just wait.
• 59:55
  Speaker 3: I'm so happy for you already knowing the amount of
• 59:59
  Speaker 3: people that you're and I have a positive impact on.
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 3: And if I don't believe myself, I'll believe you.
• 1:00:03
  Speaker 2: Good believe me. I'll tell you every day.
• 1:00:06
  Speaker 1: Get yourself one of these pine sized little basis of fun.
• 1:00:10
  Speaker 2: I love you, I love thank you for being here.
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 3: Of course, how hard can it be?
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: With the Anna made Ariva is a Hyphenit media group
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: production in partnership with Iheart'smikultura podcast network. For more of
• 1:00:20
  Speaker 1: your favorite shows, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: wherever you get your podcasts.