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Stop Treating Dating Like Another Job | Dating Tips for Women · Mindful Success Path

• 0:32
  Can we take a second to talk about how absolutely exhausting modern dating has become?
• 0:37
  Because I keep hearing the same thing from women.
• 0:40
  They're tired.
• 0:41
  They're tired of dating apps, tired of situationships, tired of trying to figure out whether or not a man actually likes them, tired of planning dates, initiating conversations, and wondering whether what they're asking for even exists.
• 0:54
  And I find this particularly interesting because a lot of these women are incredibly accomplished.
• 1:00
  They're successful in their careers, they're running businesses, they're financially independent, they've done therapy, they've done the work on themselves, and yet, when it comes to dating, they feel like they are working harder than ever.
• 1:11
  It feels like dating has become another full-time job.
• 1:15
  You have to manage your profile, manage your conversations, manage your expectations, manage your emotions, and apparently, a lot of these women are having the experience where they have to manage the men too.
• 1:27
  So at what point did finding love become another project that women are expected to fulfill?
• 1:34
  Now, here's what I think we're missing.
• 1:36
  I think we've become so focused on making dating equal in every possible way that we have forgotten to determine whether or not the dynamic actually feels good to the people involved.
• 1:49
  And here's the thing, you can believe in equality and still desire a man who pursues you.
• 1:54
  You can make your own money and still want a provider.
• 1:57
  My husband is the provider.
• 1:58
  I still make my own money, you can also be independent and still want to feel protected, and you can be perfectly capable of leading your own life while deserving a relationship where you get to experience a more receptive feminine role, which is what a lot of women are craving these days.
• 2:17
  And today, we're gonna talk about why modern dating feels so exhausting, how understanding masculine and feminine polarity can create a different kind of relationship experience that feels fulfilling, and the mindset shift that allows you to stop treating love like it's another job or another task on your to-do list or another achievement to accomplish.
• 2:40
  So let's get into it.
• 2:41
  Hi, my name is Amanda.
• 2:42
  Welcome to this channel where we talk about how to manifest what you want in life without all the extra stress, chaos, and drama that most people are accustomed to.
• 2:49
  Lately, we've been talking about love, relationships, dating, and even marriage dynamics.
• 2:54
  This is based on my 15 years of experience coaching women in different areas of their lives and also my own transformation story when, where I went from a hyper-independent, totally in survival mode, attracting more passive men, perpetually single for over a decade, to applying a lot of what I teach on this YouTube channel and manifesting my protector/provider husband in just four months.
• 3:17
  So if that's something that you're interested in, make sure to subscribe and hit the notification bell so you don't miss a single video that we have coming out on this channel.
• 3:24
  If you want live streams, make sure to join as a member of the community where I engage with you live.
• 3:31
  And if you haven't done so already, make sure to take our free divine feminine archetypes quiz.
• 3:37
  I've created a free quiz that lets you know which dating dynamics are happening for you, which patterns are showing up in your life according to your archetype, and how they are affecting your dating life, whether for better or for worse.
• 3:50
  And it also tells you how to fix the patterns that might be causing issues in your romantic partnership.
• 3:57
  So if you want that, all you gotta do is go to mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 4:02
  Take the three-minute assessment.
• 4:04
  It will let you know which archetype is most dominant for you and how it's showing up in your relationships.
• 4:11
  So first I wanna talk about something that I think is happening to a lot of women.
• 4:15
  Dating has become another thing that they're trying to optimize in their lives.
• 4:20
  They're reading all the dating advice, they're watching all the YouTube channels, they're very confused from watching all the feminine energy YouTube channels.
• 4:27
  They're studying attachment styles, they're analyzing text messages, they're watching videos on how to make a man commit They're learning when to text, how to show interest, uh, what questions to ask, what questions not to ask.
• 4:39
  And at some point, they're so focused on doing everything correctly that they've completely missed out on determining, well, how do they actually feel around this man?
• 4:50
  You go on a date with a man, and instead of simply enjoying the conversation and observing whether or not you even like him or whether or not he's in alignment with your values, you're mentally reviewing everything.
• 5:01
  Am I being feminine enough?
• 5:03
  Did I talk too much?
• 5:04
  Should I let him choose the restaurant?
• 5:06
  Yes, by the way, you should.
• 5:07
  It shouldn't even be a question in your mind.
• 5:09
  Did I seem too independent?
• 5:11
  Did I laugh enough?
• 5:12
  And then after the date, you spend the next two days trying to interpret his text messages So my question is, ladies, when did dating turn into another examination that we are all trying to pass?
• 5:22
  Because that's exactly what happens when you start approaching relationships from performance instead of presence, and that's exactly what happens when a woman is very much in her masculine energy when she is dating, and she's overthinking and overanalyzing and overplaying everything.
• 5:38
  And then the only thing that does is attract a lot more passive men into her orbit that she feels like she needs to manage.
• 5:46
  What women need to learn how to do is release the specific outcome rather than trying to create a specific outcome, and you need to let men step up and show you who they are instead of you trying to make him interested or make him pursue or make him commit.
• 6:02
  Because when you start treating every interaction like something you need to change, then it doesn't really work in order to find a healthy man.
• 6:11
  And here's what I want you to understand.
• 6:13
  You cannot control whether somebody is genuinely compatible with you.
• 6:17
  You, you can show up authentically, you can communicate, you can make the effort, but you cannot manufacture a healthy relationship simply by following the right dating rules.
• 6:26
  In fact, there's a lot of women out here who are so in their masculine energy when it comes to dating that they are manufacturing whole relationships, okay?
• 6:34
  Manufacturing entire relationships in their head, which is the only place where the relationship actually exists.
• 6:40
  It's in their head.
• 6:41
  And I think some women need to release a tremendous amount of pressure that they are putting on themselves because dating is supposed to be an opportunity for connection.
• 6:51
  And if you're a part of this community, then for most of you, dating is an opportunity to know whether or not someone is going to be a good husband for you, and whether or not you're going to be a good wife for them, okay?
• 7:02
  So dating and courtship is how you get to marriage.
• 7:05
  That is usually kind of the point, depending on what season of your life you are in.
• 7:11
  And what most women have turned it into is another place where they have to prove their worth, and that's why they're so exhausted.
• 7:18
  So here's why successful women in particular feel especially exhausted out here in these dating streets Now this is specifically for my entrepreneurs, my executives, the women who are climbing the corporate ladder.
• 7:30
  There's a lot of you who are in tech, engineering, doctors.
• 7:33
  I know because you're in my DMs and in my emails and in my comments section.
• 7:37
  These are women who have spent years building their careers and creating financial independence for themselves.
• 7:44
  And there is something that I see happening with women who are very capable that gets them into dynamics in relationships where they become exhausted.
• 7:52
  They are so accustomed to taking charge that they are approaching romantic relationships the same way.
• 7:58
  They know how to solve problems.
• 8:00
  They know how to organize people.
• 8:02
  They know how to make decisions.
• 8:04
  They know how to create results.
• 8:06
  And in business or your career, those qualities are incredibly valuable.
• 8:11
  But then what happens is these women take those exact same habits into their romantic relationship.
• 8:18
  So a man says that he wants to see them, and the woman starts figuring out the logistics.
• 8:24
  He mentions that he has a problem at work, and then she's already trying to find the solution.
• 8:29
  He's having a bad day emotionally, and she's being his therapist or trying to find him a therapist He says he's thinking about starting a business.
• 8:36
  They start researching opportunities for him.
• 8:38
  I even had a woman in my email who bought a business for a man who had shown interest in her, and then when the business ended up not working out, he left.
• 8:48
  Okay?
• 8:48
  He left because in reality, he was just seeing this woman as her retirement plan.
• 8:53
  And before you know it, you're not just dating.
• 8:56
  Okay?
• 8:56
  You're not just dating, you're not just enjoying romance, you're consulting, you're coaching, you're organizing, you're managing.
• 9:02
  You're managing a grown man.
• 9:04
  And then they Wonder why they're so exhausted.
• 9:07
  They wonder why modern dating feels so difficult.
• 9:11
  Because your, your romantic relationship is not supposed to become another business that you need to figure out.
• 9:16
  And, you know, don't misunderstand me when I say that.
• 9:18
  There's nothing wrong with being a woman who knows how to get things done.
• 9:21
  I love being an entrepreneur.
• 9:23
  I've had several businesses for the last 15, 16 years.
• 9:26
  I love making money.
• 9:27
  It's really fun.
• 9:28
  I love building communities.
• 9:30
  I love building brands.
• 9:31
  I, I think it's very fun.
• 9:32
  I get to use a lot of my creative energy.
• 9:35
  But I also recognize that the energy I use when I'm managing a business is not necessarily the energy that I wanna experience all the time in my marriage.
• 9:43
  In fact, I have set up a business in a way, this current business, I have set up in a way where I get to spend most of my time on the creative, feminine energy things that I'm really good at, and then, you know, my husband does all the CEO-ing, uh, to put it that way,'cause he's much better at all the analytics and logistics and operations, and he does this on the side of running his own businesses just to help me because I enjoy this so much.
• 10:09
  and the reason why I do this is because I don't wanna be the person trying to figure everything out.
• 10:14
  Sometimes I just wanna be taken care of.
• 10:16
  Sometimes I want someone else to plan something.
• 10:18
  Sometimes I just want to receive, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
• 10:24
  But I do think that this is where a lot of women have gotten confused.
• 10:27
  A lot of women have been taught that independence means never needing anything, a lot of women have also been taught that they need to earn love, so they end up in romantic situations with men who are going to make them earn love if they ever get it.
• 10:43
  And what these women need to realize, number one, you never had to earn love.
• 10:47
  You are the feminine.
• 10:48
  You are the prize.
• 10:48
  You get to receive.
• 10:50
  And when you are in that feminine pull, you don't have to earn it.
• 10:53
  Uh, men are the ones who kinda have to earn it and prove whether or not they are responsible.
• 10:58
  And the other thing that women need to understand is that being capable of doing everything yourself doesn't mean that you have to do everything yourself, especially in a romantic partnership So what's the missing piece here?
• 11:11
  Well, based on my 15 years of experience coaching women in different areas of their lives, what's missing is understanding polarity because this is where I believe a lot of modern dating advice falls really short.
• 11:23
  Masculine and feminine polarity is the dynamic between two complementary expressions of energy.
• 11:29
  Now, in my experience, what I have seen work best in heterosexual relationships is when the man is in his masculine energy and the woman is in her feminine energy, and this creates what I call the positive polarity reinforcement loop.
• 11:43
  So the positive polarity reinforcement loop looks like a masculine man is giving, he's investing in a woman, he's solving her problems, he's trying to make her life better She, as a feminine energy woman, knows how to receive it and receive it very well.
• 11:58
  He then sees how he is impacting her life in a positive way, and then he wants to do more.
• 12:03
  He wants to do better.
• 12:04
  He wants to go make more money.
• 12:05
  He wants to be more ambitious.
• 12:07
  He wants to solve more of her problems.
• 12:09
  He wants to continue making her life better.
• 12:11
  And the more that he makes her life better, the more relaxed she becomes.
• 12:16
  And when a woman is relaxed, she's very magnetic and attractive, and this has been shown to maintain long-term romantic attraction over time.
• 12:25
  What a lot of women are finding themselves in these days is what I call a negative polarity reinforcement loop.
• 12:30
  So she's finding herself in the masculine energy pole.
• 12:34
  She's giving and giving and giving and giving.
• 12:36
  And whereas to a man, it feels really good to do that, to a woman, eventually she becomes exhausted and resentful because she's not filling her own cup.
• 12:44
  And the more masculine she becomes, the more passive men become.
• 12:49
  And this is why I've been telling women that if they want men to change, you need to change first, girl.
• 12:55
  You need to change first, and then you're gonna watch how the men around you begin to change as well.
• 13:00
  Because part of the reason why men are getting so sassy and zesty and think they can get away with anything is because women have let them get away with anything.
• 13:10
  And the way that women have let them get away with anything is by creating this negative polarity reinforcement loop.
• 13:16
  And women do this because they're afraid of being left.
• 13:19
  Women do this because they're afraid a man will leave.
• 13:21
  Women do this because they want to be chosen and picked really badly.
• 13:26
  Women do this because they are-- they have anxiety, and they feel unsafe sometimes.
• 13:30
  So they see that if they don't take control of life, and if they don't take control of a situation the same way that they could take control in their careers, then they are going to be left unsafe and unsupported and without their needs being met.
• 13:45
  So that control puts them in the masculine pole, and as I already said, the more masculine she becomes, the, the more exhausted and resentful she will get over time and the more passive men will get.
• 13:57
  So what is masculine and feminine energy, right?
• 14:00
  Feminine energy is associated with receptivity, intuition, emotional expression, creativity, openness, and connection.
• 14:10
  And masculine energy is typically associated with initiative, direction, provision, protection, purposeful action, problem-solving, leadership, et cetera.
• 14:21
  Most women say that they want that kind of a man, but most women are out here acting like these men.
• 14:27
  And a lot of times they're doing it in really innocent ways.
• 14:29
  They don't even realize they're doing it.
• 14:31
  You can go check out my other videos in this series where I go more into what those things are.
• 14:36
  But What happens is when two people genuinely enjoy expressing those complementary qualities, and again, the way that I have seen it work best is when a woman is primarily in her feminine energy and a man is primarily in his masculine energy, It can create a romantic dynamic that feels very juicy, that they're constantly attracted to each other.
• 14:57
  He's always pursuing her.
• 14:59
  She's far more relaxed.
• 15:00
  I've had the experience that you just start manifesting like crazy, both of you, and I think it has to do with that positive polarity reinforcement loop.
• 15:09
  And it's very different from what most people are experiencing these days because what most people are experiencing is two people constantly competing for control, or two people constantly trying to get one up over the other person, or very transactional relationships.
• 15:24
  So if you're a woman who desires a more traditional masculine and feminine dynamic relationship, you need to understand something.
• 15:31
  You can have equal value without having identical roles because equality, we like equality, but equality does not mean sameness.
• 15:40
  And what a lot of people have mistakenly assumed is that equality means sameness, so that's why we have this bullshit 50/50 conversation going on all over the internet.
• 15:50
  And I think this is where modern dating has become especially confusing Because we're looking at equality equaling sameness, then you have women in, in the following situation.
• 16:00
  So a woman might say,"I want a man who plans dates," but then someone tells her that she's being too demanding and she can pick up the slack and plan some of those dates and make his life easier.
• 16:10
  Unbeknownst to her, that's the exact opposite thing you wanna do if you want to attract a man, and I cover that more in Feminine Magnetism Mastery because when women start over-functioning and overdoing, they kill attraction with a man because in order for a man to bond with you, he needs to invest in you.
• 16:29
  Now, another example might look like she says, I want a man who enjoys paying." And then someone tells her that she should be financially independent, that she should...
• 16:38
  She's an adult, that she's capable, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 16:42
  That men are going to control her with money, so why should, would she ever want that?
• 16:46
  Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
• 16:47
  She might say,"I wanna feel protected and provided for," and then someone tells her that she shouldn't need a man, or that men ain't shit, or there aren't good men out here who will actually do that, or that men are unsafe for women.
• 16:59
  So here's my question Why are we assuming that receiving support is somehow incompatible with empowered?
• 17:06
  Because I can still have my own money and still enjoy a man who treats me.
• 17:10
  My husband is the provider.
• 17:11
  He pays the bills.
• 17:12
  I'm still making my own money I can make decisions all day, and I can still appreciate a man who takes initiative.
• 17:19
  I can be strong and still desire softness in my relationships, and none of those things contradict each other at all So for women who desire this kind of relationship, polarity and understanding how polarity works in relationships offers an understanding of how two different expressions of energy can actually complement one another.
• 17:39
  So rather than constantly negotiating who is going to take initiative, who's going to pay what, who, uh, I did, you know, this task so you're gonna do that task because we gotta be even, you can choose a partner who genuinely enjoys the role that you want him to play, and there are men out here who genuinely enjoy the role of being a provider.
• 17:57
  They take a lot of pride and joy in it.
• 18:00
  And that is a very important distinction because the answer isn't to force every man into a particular role.
• 18:06
  Do you know how many women I have in my DMs and my emails right now who are like,"How do I get my boyfriend to change?" First of all, you shouldn't even be having this conversation with boyfriends, okay?
• 18:17
  You shouldn't even be trying to change a boyfriend.
• 18:19
  You should be dating multiple men, and then you don't shut down your options until one of those men commit to you.
• 18:24
  For most of you, that looks like an engagement.
• 18:26
  That's what it looks like for most of you, right?
• 18:28
  So but a lot of you are out here asking,"How do I change a boyfriend?" That's what you're doing.
• 18:33
  And what's happening is that oftentimes these women are trying to force a man into a particular role.
• 18:40
  And what happens is you try and change him, you try and manage him, you try and force him.
• 18:45
  And especially those of you with boyfriends and things like that, oftentimes it's okay if the man isn't your man.
• 18:51
  Um, but, but you have to walk away if he's not your man.
• 18:54
  So it makes a lot more sense for you to just get clear on what your values are from the beginning and the type of relationship that you want, and then choose someone who actually wants the same kind of relationship you do rather than trying to turn an inconsistent man into a consistent man, trying to turn a man who doesn't wanna be a provider into a provider, trying to turn an irresponsible man into a responsible man.
• 20:17
  But that's what a lot of women are out here doing, which again automatically puts them in their masculine energy and makes you exhausted from managing a grown adult.
• 20:29
  There's also an exhaustion of constantly being in control, and this is where we actually need to go deeper because this is the root of the problem A lot of women say that they want masculine leadership, but they've spent so much of their lives being responsible for everything that they struggle to let someone else take initiative.
• 20:45
  And I understand because it was me, even with my husband, even when I said I wanted a provider and a masculine man and I understood a lot of these things, it did, does not mean that I was not uncomfortable in moments where I was letting him take more initiative because I was so accustomed to having to be responsible for everyone and everything around me for so long.
• 21:06
  And this is especially true if you've experienced relationships where you couldn't depend on the other person, or you've dated men who were financially irresponsible, or you've been with partners who constantly broke promises.
• 21:18
  It was really interesting because one of the first things I noticed about my husband was that he always did what he said he was going to do, no matter what.
• 21:26
  And if for whatever reason he couldn't, he would communicate and then give me an alternative.
• 21:31
  Whereas up until that point I had been dealing with men who were very inconsistent for a very long time.
• 21:38
  Now, the difference was when I was dealing with the inconsistent men, I was a masculine woman who wanted to be in control, and I had intimacy issues, and I would push them away, and I would choose the more passive men.
• 21:49
  When I finally decided that I was ready to get married and I started taking this feminine energy stuff really seriously, that's what changed, right?
• 21:56
  So suddenly, I went from attracting very passive men to attracting men like my husband, who were very consistent, very responsible, and very reliable.
• 22:05
  Now, another thing that might happen here is if you grew up watching your mother carry everything while your father avoided responsibility, then obviously, yes, it can be very difficult to trust a man.
• 22:15
  Many of you have, um, shared some stories in the comment section of what you went through with your parents.
• 22:21
  And what happens is that our parents kind of become like the first blueprint for relationships and partnerships, and if we didn't get a great blueprint, then we're gonna have to do some work on seeking out more healthy blueprints so we can have a different kind of reference experience than what we grew up with.
• 22:39
  My husband had to do that, by the way.
• 22:41
  My husband did not grow up with a great blueprint of marriage or partnership, so he had to intentionally seek out more healthy and positive examples so that he could change his reference experiences.
• 22:53
  So if you grew up in a chaotic environment, or you grew up in an environment where you didn't get the good blueprint, well, now it's your responsibility to find the more positive reference experiences so that you're not always running with this story in your head that you can't trust other people, that you can't trust men, that they're always a disaster,'Cause none of that stuff is true.
• 23:10
  A lot of these women out here are always talking about how men are out here to destroy your life, and I'm, and then they're unreliable, and they're this, and they're that.
• 23:17
  And I was like,"But I haven't had those experiences with men." I didn't have that experience with my father.
• 23:24
  I haven't had that experience with my grandfathers or, or great uncles or my brother.
• 23:29
  Um, I had the experience in dating for a while, but it's because of the men I was choosing because I was in, in masculine energy.
• 23:37
  Or I would hear women complain about men in their careers, and they'd be like,"These guys don't wanna help.
• 23:42
  They're always mansplaining.
• 23:43
  They're always keeping me down." I'm like,"That's literally not the experience that I have had." I've always had the experience that men in my career have always been the first ones to try and help me solve my problems, and that's actually how I ended up meeting my husband So a lot of times we have to be careful about the reference experience that we're taking in, and right now on the internet, it is such a freaking hot mess out here with the dating content that's out there, um, that it's causing a lot of confusion in people, and it's causing even more chaos, right?
• 24:14
  And it's causing even more dysregulation in your nervous system than what you actually need.
• 24:20
  What happens, right, is depending on your personal experience and, and depending on what it is that you're consuming online, you can pick up certain beliefs, right?
• 24:28
  So you might now have a belief that says,"If I don't do it, it won't get done.
• 24:31
  Men ain't shit.
• 24:32
  Men can't Be trusted." Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
• 24:35
  All the stuff that's out here.
• 24:37
  And now that belief can follow you into dating That's what happens.
• 24:41
  So either you attract men, right, who are gonna play the role that you have cast for them with your beliefs, or the other thing that can happen is let's say you do meet a capable man, and he offers to plan something, and you, instead of relaxing, become incredibly anxious, right?
• 24:57
  So then you start asking questions, you start asking for details, you start offering suggestions, and eventually you just take over the whole damn relationship n- not necessarily because he's incapable, he has not shown you that he is incapable, but because you feel uncomfortable not being in control.
• 25:14
  And that feeling of not feeling comfortable being in control comes down to you wanting to feel safe because at some point you learned that in order for you to be safe, you had to be in control.
• 25:23
  And girl, I feel you.
• 25:25
  I spent over a decade there, so I truly understand, and this was one of the top things that I had to work on in order to change my experience that I was having in dating and relationships.
• 25:38
  And once I really started to work on these limiting beliefs and patterns, and really questioning what it was I was consuming and what I was believing and where did these beliefs come from, then my outside world started to change pretty quickly, and I manifested my husband in four months.
• 25:54
  And now I see a lot of these situations where women are out here complaining about men, complaining about their husbands, et cetera, et cetera, and I'm just like,"That is literally not my reality." Literally not my reality.
• 26:06
  Now, I took responsibility for my reality.
• 26:09
  I took responsibility for my thoughts, beliefs, my actions.
• 26:12
  I took responsibility for what I was consuming, so then of course I'm living in a different reality than most people are.
• 26:19
  I took responsibility for why I was feeling anxiety.
• 26:22
  I took responsibility for why I felt the need to constantly be in control and over-function.
• 26:27
  And I'm not saying that it was easy, but I am saying that over time it became easier, and then I started having a life with more ease and flow and abundance and love.
• 26:38
  And here's something that I want you to understand about control.
• 26:41
  Control can feel like safety when you have spent years having to rely on yourself.
• 26:47
  And again, I get it.
• 26:48
  I've done it.
• 26:49
  I've lived here.
• 26:50
  But control and safety are not always the same thing.
• 26:54
  Sometimes your desire to control everything is actually preventing you from experiencing the support that you say you want.
• 27:02
  So when I have women come to me and they're like,"Oh, my husband is super passive," the first thing I'm looking at is how she's trying to control the relationship.
• 27:10
  And again, she's not always doing it in the most obvious ways.
• 27:13
  Sometimes it's very subtle, like not asking him for help, or if he doesn't do something fast enough, she jumps in to go fix it.
• 27:19
  But all of these things put her in more of that masculine role, and the reason why she's doing it is because Let's say she asked him to, you know, take out the trash, and because it's been five minutes and he hasn't done it yet, she's feeling anxiety.
• 27:33
  And then she goes,"Oh no, I can't deal with this anxiety.
• 27:35
  Uh, what if he doesn't do it?
• 27:36
  What if he doesn't do it?" Or,"What if I get let down?" And then she just goes to do the damn thing herself, right?
• 27:40
  And then she just keeps repeating the pattern and the loop.
• 27:44
  So the first thing I'm looking at is how women are not even allowing other people to show up for them in all the ways in which that shows up.
• 27:53
  Now, this doesn't mean that you blindly trust somebody, uh, a- and it certainly doesn't mean ignoring patterns of irresponsibility.
• 28:00
  I would never say that.
• 28:01
  Trust has to be earned, absolutely But when you are with someone who has demonstrated that they are dependable, learning to release unnecessary control can create room for a different kind of connection, a juicier one, where, one where you feel more relaxed, you feel more pleasure, you feel more abundance, life starts to open up to you, you become more magnetic, and he continues pursuing you for years and years and years.
• 28:25
  Now, here's the nervous system component, because I touched upon this a little bit.
• 28:29
  The reality is that you might intellectually understand that you want to receive.
• 28:33
  You might intellectually understand the stuff that I talk about on this YouTube channel.
• 28:37
  You might intellectually understand what it takes to be a magnetic empress, as I call it.
• 28:42
  In fact, you take the free quiz for the archetypes, and you get magnetic empress because you intellectually understand what the right answers are on the quiz.
• 28:51
  But then when it comes to real-life dating situations, you don't act like a magnetic empress at all.
• 28:58
  So when someone actually offers to take something off your plate, you feel uncomfortable, you feel guilty, you feel vulnerable.
• 29:05
  Maybe you feel like you're losing control.
• 29:07
  And most women, right, instead of allowing themselves to sit in this discomfort and move through the discomfort, they immediately jump back in to try and fix everything themselves.
• 29:18
  And that's why feminine embodiment goes much deeper than wearing dresses or wearing makeup or speaking in a softer voice.
• 29:26
  A lot of it has to do with your own internal relationship with safety, trust, and receiving.
• 29:32
  So do you allow someone to help you without feeling weak?
• 29:36
  Do you allow someone to give to you without feeling guilty?
• 29:39
  Can you communicate a desire without immediately taking responsibility for fulfilling it?
• 29:45
  Can you allow another capable adult to make a decision instead of micromanaging every move?
• 29:52
  And can you trust yourself to handle disappointment without trying to prevent every possible problem?
• 29:59
  These are important questions, especially that last one, because for some women, learning to receive is a much bigger transformation than learning how to give.
• 30:07
  Most women have been taught to over-function, to earn love, to give and give and give, to prove themselves, to earn the position of wife.
• 30:15
  That's what most women have been taught how to do.
• 30:17
  Women are real good at this by now.
• 30:19
  And what women have to learn how to do is the exact opposite Now here's where I'm gonna give you a little bit of tough love because I see women trying to create masculine and feminine polarity by managing a man into becoming more masculine, which defeats the entire purpose what that looks like is you want him to plan dates, so you ha- send him restaurant suggestions.
• 30:40
  You want him to pursue you, so but you keep initi- initiating conversations to remind him that you are interested.
• 30:46
  You want him to be financially responsible, but you start managing his money.
• 30:51
  Yes, I've had women in my emails and my DMs managing money for men.
• 30:56
  You want him to take initiative, but you tell him exactly what to do, and then you wonder why you're still exhausted.
• 31:03
  Uh, girl, of course, you're exhausted because you're doing all the work.
• 31:07
  You cannot manage a man into becoming the leader that you want him to be.
• 31:12
  You can communicate your desires.
• 31:14
  You can tell him what makes you feel loved.
• 31:16
  You can share your expectations, but you cannot take responsibility for another adult's willingness to show up.
• 31:23
  That's on him, and this is why I tell women to stop dating potential.
• 31:28
  It's also why I tell women not to get...
• 31:30
  just date one man and date multiple men until there is some form of commitment.
• 31:35
  Again, because of the age group of this YouTube channel, for most of you, it's an engagement.
• 31:39
  So stop looking at a man and thinking about everything that he could become if you just helped him do it.
• 31:46
  Stop assuming that if you're feminine enough, then he's suddenly going to become a provider.
• 31:51
  Stop believing that your softness could somehow make an unwilling man take responsibility for his life because that's not how healthy relationships work Masculine and feminine polarity requires participation from both people.
• 32:06
  So if you want a man who takes initiative, look for a man who actually takes initiative.
• 32:11
  If you want a provider, look for someone who genuinely values provision and has demonstrated that he has financial responsibility.
• 32:18
  If you want emotional safety, look for someone who is consistent, respectful, and emotionally intelligent.
• 32:24
  Don't try and manufacture these qualities in a boyfriend, for crying out loud, through your own effort because feminine energy does not create his character.
• 32:36
  It does not.
• 32:37
  What it does do is that it helps you recognize whether his character aligns with your desire and values.
• 32:44
  And the sooner that you understand that, the more peaceful dating can become So what does this actually look like in practice?
• 32:53
  Let's say that you meet a man and he expresses interest in taking you out.
• 32:57
  Well, instead of immediately planning everything, you allow him to make a suggestion.
• 33:01
  He says,"I wanna take you to dinner," and you say,"That sounds lovely.
• 33:06
  What did you have in mind?" And then you allow him to respond.
• 33:10
  That's not playing games.
• 33:12
  That's not pretending to be uninterested.
• 33:15
  That is simply giving him the opportunity to demonstrate initiative.
• 33:19
  Another example might be let's say someone that you're dating offers to pay for dinner, and you genuinely enjoy being treated and you know that you want a provider.
• 33:28
  Now, what most women out here are doing are automatically reaching for their wallets because they wanna prove that they're independent, that they're not trying to take advantage of him, and all kinds of other things that are going on in their heads rather than staying in the feminine energy of receptivity and being able to receive.
• 33:47
  Now, the reason why this is a problem is because if you want a provider, okay, well you just took away the opportunity that you had to see what this man's relationship with provision is.
• 33:57
  Or now you've set expectations where you are going to be paying for things or partially paying for things for the duration of the relationship, and then let's say the relationship progresses, you get married, et cetera, et cetera, five, 10 years in you are resentful as hell and in my emails and in my DMs wondering how to change the dynamic, but you set a bad precedent from the beginning.
• 34:19
  So if you want a provider, stop offering to pay for things And the other reason why that's a problem is because you didn't have a filter.
• 34:27
  So let's say that the guy doesn't wanna be a provider.
• 34:29
  Okay, well now you've got your answer, girl, and you can exit stage left and go find another one But again, most women out here don't realize the repercussions of what they're doing.
• 34:38
  They're so afraid of not being liked, or they're so afraid of the guy not asking for a second date, or they're so afraid of coming off as demanding, et cetera, that they reach for their wallet and when in reality, all you have to do is say,"Thank you, that was really thoughtful." And then you enjoy the experience.
• 34:57
  Now, here's another example.
• 34:59
  You're getting to know a man, and he starts becoming inconsistent He says that he wants to see you, but he doesn't follow through.
• 35:06
  He disappears for days.
• 35:08
  He keeps making vague promises.
• 35:10
  Now, what do a lot of women do?
• 35:11
  They start analyzing, they start making excuses, they start googling about attachment styles, they try to figure out how to get him to become more consistent.
• 35:21
  Now, what you should be doing is paying attention to what is actually happening in front of you.
• 35:26
  Because if consistency is important to you, then obviously a man who is showing that he is inconsistent is not a man that you should continue seeing.
• 35:35
  And I tell women all the time, stop trying to make inconsistent men consistent.
• 35:40
  Instead, learn to lean back and observe his behavior, because that behavior is information.
• 35:47
  So rather than spending three months trying to convince him to become the partner that you want, instead get clear on the kind of partnership that you do desire, stop giving access to men who don't meet that, and instead continue developing your relationships with men who do, with men who are aligned with your desires.
• 36:07
  And when you learn how to do that, dating becomes so much easier.
• 36:12
  I mean, when I met my husband, it was just easy.
• 36:15
  There, there wasn't any manipulation, there wasn't control, there wasn't anxiety.
• 36:19
  There was none of that stuff on either of our sides because it was very clear that the both of us had done our work in terms of, like, this is what we value, this is our lifestyle, and that we had met our match, and it was easy.
• 36:31
  But a lot of people out here overcomplicate this stuff because, again, they wanna be in control, or they let their anxiety take over, or they're afraid of someone not picking them.
• 36:40
  Girl, I would rather you not be picked by a man who's gonna make your life miserable than you going on and trying to change this man and put so much effort into it.
• 36:50
  Because I promise you that there's a man out there who would treat you well, and who would treat you the way that you want him to treat you, and who will provide for you, and who will pursue you, but you're wasting your time trying to change men who are never going to be that for you.
• 37:06
  You have to allow people to reveal themselves to you, And this doesn't mean that you'll never experience disappointment.
• 37:14
  You might, right?
• 37:15
  But what it does mean is that you're no longer taking responsibility for controlling every outcome.
• 37:21
  And when you do that, people show you who they are, and you're observing, and you're observing whether or not these people are a match, and you make your decisions accordingly, and it's not a big drama, and it's not a big deal And then you begin making choices based on reality instead of potential.
• 37:37
  So you're no longer trying to get chosen, you're deciding who is actually compatible with you.
• 37:42
  Now, this is a completely different mindset than how most people go into dating.
• 37:46
  Most people go into dating with anxiety, control, transaction, trying to get one up over the other person, when most people out here need to get really clear on what their values are and what they want out of their lives, and then choose their partners accordingly Now to be clear, polarity is not about being passive or powerlessness.
• 38:05
  And I wanna make sure I address this because sometimes when I talk about these things, women get the wrong idea wh- that I'm telling them to just like give all their power away and just sit around and do nothing.
• 38:16
  And they think I'm talking about that when it comes to both love and money, and I'm not.
• 38:21
  I'm just talking about a different kind of power because the power that has been demonstrated to you is the masculine version of power.
• 38:29
  The masculine version of power, quite frankly, is exhausting to a woman.
• 38:33
  I'm talking you, to you about feminine power, which is just as equally powerful but it's different and it expresses itself differently But women don't know that, so women assume that I'm telling them that they should become passive, that they shouldn't have opinions, that they shouldn't initiate anything, that they should just simply wait around waiting for a man to make every decision, and that's not what I'm teaching.
• 38:55
  Because a woman can be feminine and still have boundaries.
• 38:57
  In fact, a high-value feminine woman has boundaries because she values herself.
• 39:04
  When I asked my husband...
• 39:05
  We, we did a Q&A recently on the channel.
• 39:07
  Y'all love it when, when my husband and I do Q&As where we're just answering the questions that are coming in from the community.
• 39:14
  I said,"Well, you know, what was different about me than the other women that you dated?" And he goes,"You had standards.
• 39:19
  You had boundaries.
• 39:20
  You actually valued yourself," right?
• 39:22
  So feminine women actually do have standards and boundaries.
• 39:26
  Now, they just express them in a different way than perhaps what you have been told.
• 39:31
  That's the difference.
• 39:32
  Um, women, we can initiate, of course.
• 39:36
  I've initiated this YouTube channel.
• 39:38
  I initiated this project, right?
• 39:40
  I didn't sit around just, like, waiting for YouTube to, like, magically produce itself, right?
• 39:46
  Obviously, I'm able and I'm capable of doing things, right?
• 39:51
  A woman can also learn how to communicate her desires, and when she learns how to do it well, her desires become a man's direction.
• 39:57
  She can express disagreement and actually get to a resolution.
• 40:01
  She can make decisions.
• 40:02
  She can run a business.
• 40:03
  She can have her own money And she can absolutely walk away from a relationship that doesn't meet her needs.
• 40:09
  Feminine receptivity is not about giving up your autonomy.
• 40:13
  The problem is that most women have been taught a version of femininity that equals self-abandonment and self-sacrifice.
• 40:20
  And those are usually the wounded maidens.
• 40:21
  So the archetype that I teach of the wounded maiden, those are the self-sacrificing and self-abandonment patterns that most women think femininity is.
• 40:30
  Then you go to the next archetype, which is the awakening warrior.
• 40:34
  This is the over-masculinized woman.
• 40:35
  She's so terrified of being a wounded maiden because she saw her mom, and her grandma, and her aunties doing all that.
• 40:42
  She's so terrified that she puts walls up and needs to be in control in order to protect herself.
• 40:48
  When we get to conscious queen and magnetic empress, it's about empowered feminine energy.
• 40:53
  She is not giving up her autonomy.
• 40:56
  It's about her learning that she doesn't have to control everything in order to feel secure, and it's about her having discernment of what is a healthy man versus an unhealthy man Now if you're confused about all these archetypes, please make sure to take that divine feminine archetypes quiz because it'll let you know which of these four archetypes is most dominant for you and how it's showing up in your dating life for better or for worse.
• 41:21
  So it's really insightful, highly recommend it, mindfulsuccesspath.com/quiz.
• 41:27
  And to be clear, healthy masculine leadership is not about men controlling women.
• 41:31
  It's about taking responsibility, demonstrating initiative, and considering the needs of the people that he cares about.
• 41:38
  Masculinity is not an excuse to disregard your feelings or restrict your choices, and that's not what healthy masculine energy even looks like.
• 41:48
  And that's why discernment matters so much because you don't wanna become so focused on experiencing polarity that you ignore whether the relationship is actually healthy.
• 41:58
  And I'll have a lot of those women in my chats too where they're like the wounded maiden type, they got with a really controlling man, he pays all the bills, he's a terrible person, and she has no way out.
• 42:07
  She has no way out because she didn't develop herself, right?
• 42:11
  She lost herself in the relationship.
• 42:14
  So attraction matters, absolutely, but character matters too, and the most fulfilling relationships are the ones who can experience both So here's what I want you to understand.
• 42:25
  I know that I've gone in a bunch of different directions, so let's start putting a nice little bow on it.
• 42:29
  For women who genuinely desire a complementary relationship dynamic, understanding polarity in relationships, and more specifically, understanding how she can remain in the feminine pole while he remains in the masculine pole, and understanding what the healthy expressions of feminine and masculine energy look like can offer something that modern dating seems to lack.
• 42:49
  Because modern dating is a mess.
• 42:51
  Nobody out here knows what they are doing.
• 42:54
  And what it can offer her is the following: clarity.
• 42:58
  Clarity and lack of confusion.
• 43:00
  So you become clear about how you want to experience love.
• 43:04
  You become clear about what it is that you desire.
• 43:07
  For example, you wanna get married?
• 43:08
  Great.
• 43:09
  Date for marriage.
• 43:10
  You understand the kind of contribution you enjoy making.
• 43:13
  You recognize the kind of contribution that you want from your partner.
• 43:17
  You're no longer trying to force compatibility with every person that you date.
• 43:21
  You probably don't even date more-- just one person anymore.
• 43:24
  You're probably dating multiple men at this point until one of those men commits to you in the form in which you want that commitment.
• 43:32
  For most of you, like I said,'cause of the age group, it's an engagement for marriage.
• 43:36
  So what happens is now that you're no longer forcing this compatibility, you start looking for men who actually want a similar relationship dynamic to the one that you're looking for So you stop trying to convince a man to pursue you, and instead you look for someone who enjoys pursuing.
• 43:52
  You stop trying to turn someone into a provider, and instead you date someone who values provision You stop managing every aspect of the connection and instead you lean back and observe and let another person demonstrate what they're willing and able to do.
• 44:06
  And most importantly, you stop treating dating as another situation where everything depends on you, because it doesn't.
• 44:11
  There's another person involved, the universe is involved.
• 44:14
  There's a whole lot going on here.
• 44:16
  'Cause love is not supposed to be something that you manufacture through constant effort.
• 44:22
  It's something that two people create together, and when you're both genuinely aligned in what you want, the relationship can feel much more natural.
• 44:31
  It's easy.
• 44:32
  It's like I said, my husband and I, when we got together, it felt natural and easy because we were clear on all of these things.
• 44:40
  And it's not because there will never be disagreements.
• 44:43
  It's not because, you know, everything's always gonna be hunky-dory and rainbows and you shit glitter.
• 44:47
  That's not what I'm talking about here.
• 44:48
  We're still humans, and this is still real life But what it does mean is that you're no longer fighting against the fundamental dynamic of the relationship.
• 44:57
  You are now working with these energetic dynamics, and that can make an enormous difference because it will create the positive polarity reinforcement loop that so many of you say that you want.
• 45:10
  Or if you are in a negative polarity reinforcement loop, which is exhausting to a woman, you can start changing that dynamic, those of you who are married, okay?
• 45:19
  If you've got boyfriends, just start dating multiple men and watch the dynamic change pretty quickly.
• 45:25
  And if it doesn't, well, now you have other suitors So if modern dating has been leaving you exhausted as it has for so many people, I want you to consider something.
• 45:34
  Maybe the answer isn't another dating app or another dating technique or another list of rules, and it's definitely not trying to become the perfect woman Maybe ultimately it just comes down to getting clear about the kind of relationship that you actually want and stop trying to force yourself into dynamics that do not feel aligned.
• 45:54
  If you want healthy masculine leadership from a man, you are allowed to desire that.
• 45:58
  If you wanna be provided for, you are allowed to desire that.
• 46:01
  If you wanna be pursued, protected, and cherished, you are allowed to desire that too.
• 46:06
  And it doesn't mean that you become less intelligent, less successful, or less independent to any of those things.
• 46:12
  All it means is you simply need to recognize that your ability to take care of yourself doesn't mean that you have to carry everything alone.
• 46:18
  And right now, a lot of you are in relationship dynamics where you are carrying literally everything.
• 46:24
  It also means that you don't have to do more to become worthy of love.
• 46:28
  You can learn to receive the love and effort someone is genuinely willing to give you, and that's a beautiful shift.
• 46:34
  It changes everything in your romantic life.
• 46:39
  Now I wanna hear from you.
• 46:40
  What has been the most exhausting part of modern dating for you?
• 46:44
  I expect this to get pretty fun in the comment section.
• 46:48
  Um, my husband and I read these comments, or we get the emails, and we're like,"What is happening out here?" So let's have a little bit of fun with it.
• 46:55
  Let's also just learn from each other's experiences so that we just don't repeat the same patterns again.
• 47:01
  Because every time one of you comments something in the comment section, and there's some coaching that happens, then other women get to learn as well.
• 47:08
  And a lot of times you actually end up helping women avoid bad situations that you were in before.
• 47:13
  So let me know in the comment section what has been the most exhausting part for you Is it the dating apps?
• 47:20
  Is it the inconsistent communication?
• 47:21
  Is it feeling like you always have to initiate or feeling like you're constantly taking on the masculine role even though that's not the dynamic that you want?
• 47:29
  Let me know.
• 47:30
  Pop it in the comments.
• 47:31
  I know it's gonna create some very interesting conversations.
• 47:34
  And if you wanna go deeper into feminine embodiment, masculine and feminine polarity, dating, how to stop over-functioning, long-term attraction, and learning how to become receptive to healthy masculine energy and support, then I have two resources for you.
• 47:48
  So the first is my Feminine Magnetism Mastery program.
• 47:52
  This is my dating 101 program.
• 47:53
  It's only 27 bucks.
• 47:55
  It explains the psychology of men and how they work, the psychology of attraction, and it also explains all the mistakes that women make in dating and relationships that kill attraction with healthy masculine men.
• 48:09
  And the second place is I would love to invite you to our 2027 Magnetic Manifestation Portal.
• 48:14
  It's a live event that I'm doing online on December 5th and 6th, where we're going to release a lot of these unhelpful patterns like over-functioning or feeling like we need to earn love, et cetera.
• 48:26
  And then we're going to start creating space and capacity to help you become the woman who can actually receive the kind of love that she wants in 2027.
• 48:36
  It- like I said, it's a two-day event.
• 48:38
  It's currently on early bird pricing, I think, through the first week of November.
• 48:43
  So save 100 bucks now.
• 48:44
  And in addition to that, when you sign up now, you will also get immediate access to our Magnetic Woman Transformation bundle as a free bonus.
• 48:52
  This is a$497 value, and this is for all of you who've been asking about nervous system regulation, how to recover from burnout, um, how to come back from burnout, how to, you know, deal with your anxiety when you're changing the dynamics in your relationships and in your life.
• 49:09
  That's why I put that in there for you.
• 49:11
  So when you sign up for the Magnetic Manifestation Portal, you're going to get Magnetic Woman Transformation as your free bonus.
• 49:17
  It's the best training I have ever done on nervous system regulation.
• 49:22
  So I hope to see you there.
• 49:24
  Thank you so much for giving me your time today, and I'll catch you on the next one.