Latest / Nick and Kristen in the Podcast / Can I Get A Witness?

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Can I Get A Witness? · Nick and Kristen in the Podcast

0:09
Hello and welcome to Nick and Kristen in the podcast, our
0:12
newest adventure and possibly our only job for the foreseeable
0:16
future other than Kristen being a therapist.
0:18
But, well, yeah. We used to be a morning show and
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now we do podcasts. I'm Nick.
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That's Kristen. We are married and we have a
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daughter that's seven. And if you don't recognize the
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lovely young lady that's to my right, you may not realize that
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Kristen has straightened her hair.
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I just. Straightened my hair, not a big
0:33
deal. Well, when I first met you, your
0:35
hair was straight. Yeah, I would straighten it all
0:37
the time. It's.
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Been since then, I think since our wedding.
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That you. Straightened your.
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Hair, it's been a while really. I used to be blonde and I used
0:44
to straighten it all the time. And then I was like, why am I
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putting myself through this torture?
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Because you if you dye your hair blonde, like you have to do it
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like every three weeks and it's very expensive and like doing
0:56
your hair and straightening it when you have curly hair is just
0:58
a nightmare. It takes so long you.
1:00
Embraced your inner curls. Yeah, I was just like, you know
1:02
what, I'm going curly and I'm going brown and like, I dyed my
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hair the other day and I was like, you know what, It's been
1:08
forever since I saw it straightened, so I'm going to
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straighten it just because, you know, why not?
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And it's weird because I looked at myself afterwards and I went
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I look more like a mom than I ever have.
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You look like classic suburban mom.
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But like, weird. Suburban hot mom, like we gotta
1:26
get you like a like a Margarita or like something to hold.
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Not a lot. You look like, well, no, but you
1:31
look like one of those like Rich.
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Not like Housewives of the Orange County, like it's nothing
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like that. It's just like, it's weird.
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I just looked at myself and I was like, because I have like an
1:40
aged face now as opposed to the last time I straightened my hair
1:44
and I just. Like yeah, the difference
1:45
between that and. The yeah.
1:46
And like the style of it is like very like mom and like I know
1:49
nobody parts their hair on the side anymore, but that's like
1:52
where my part is naturally because of the because of my
1:54
curly. Hair.
1:55
I was going to say it was that a choice because it is very like
1:57
classic. Yeah.
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No, it's just like that's family.
2:00
That's kind of where my part like normally is because when
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when you have curly hair, if you part it down the center, it
2:05
creates like this weird triangle type of thing.
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So you kind of have to like pick a little area, but it doesn't
2:11
look as severely parted because of the curls.
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And so yeah, I just feel like I look old 90s housewife kind of
2:20
thing. Like I'm a little embarrassed
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about it, but it's. It's an older style like it it
2:24
does reflect an older style, but like, I think it looks good and
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I think, you know, it's a new new way to look at you.
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I. Had to like paint it up or
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something, do something like that's a little more.
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Me, yeah, I like that yeah, like try it because.
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This is just like, it's too malt, it's too volumous, and
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it's. Just like yeah, like, yeah.
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Yeah, it looks like. I should be wearing all pink.
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Taking a benzo and having a cocktail for dinner.
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Yeah, have you thought about trying to go blonde again?
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No, God, no. Since you now have straightened
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hair like, I wonder if you could embrace the blonde.
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Blonde is a young woman's game. OK, Blonde.
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There's a there's a there's an expiration date and I don't know
3:01
when women hit it. I feel like a.
3:02
Lot of women are just hearing this for the first time and
3:04
probably upset. About no, no, but like, no, I'm
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saying like with the blonde like.
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No, I know they're probably still.
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Dying their hair. Yeah, like you hit blonde and
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I'm. I'm talking like the bleach
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blonde, like what I used to have.
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If you're blonde and like your fault.
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Yeah, blonde streaks in your hair, like that's totally fine.
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But like the bleach blonde kind of thing, at at some point it it
3:22
starts to age you. And if you choose to do that,
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that's totally fine. And maybe it was just for me,
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but like maybe this is. The wake up call you need if
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you're listening and you dye your hair.
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Blonde we're. Here to provide.
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The outside. Perspective that if you're 65
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and you're still dyeing your hair blonde and maybe this is
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maybe take a reassess. You can do it, it's just
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normally brown. You look a little younger.
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That's just the rule of thumb. Is it the rule of thumb for you
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person? Not necessarily, but it was for
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me, so OK. So sticking Brown, stop trying.
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To get me in trouble. Sticking brown and like how does
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I don't know how straightening hair works so like how long does
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this? Stay.
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It's a process like it takes me like a while to straighten it so
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I will probably leave this in for probably 2 days.
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How do you leave it in? I mean meaning like I won't wash
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my hair. As soon as you wash it, it's
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gone. Yeah, as soon as I wash my hair,
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like the curls are back. So if it starts raining and
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it'll start getting frizzy and stuff that, then I'm just going
4:18
to wash my hair and be done with it.
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But also, like, I hate having dirty hair.
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Yeah, some people wash their hair like once a week and
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they'll blow out their hair and then they're good for the week.
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I have to wash my hair like every two days.
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OK. I would love to do it more, but
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then my curls will start falling off.
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Yeah. But all right, well, I have this
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for a couple days, so that'll be it's interesting.
4:35
Even like Lily was in the middle of a meltdown today and she
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stopped. She went, did you do something
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with your. Hair.
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Yeah, I know. Like it took her a while to
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notice for sure. She's like, wait a second, Mommy
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looks what's your? Hair looks different.
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But to change the subject, I think I saw somebody hide A body
4:49
today. You said this, you thought you
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saw an you're an accessory to a crime now.
4:54
Yes. So I have a bowling tournament
4:55
coming up this weekend and I went and practiced for it and on
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the way back from that I was getting off the freeway and
5:02
there was a big old 1989 like Astrostar van and there was two
5:08
guys. It had a.
5:09
Moon with a wolf howling head on it.
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Might as well have. Yeah, like there was two guys
5:13
behind it. Acton SUS like they were like
5:16
moving about and I was like, oh, what's going?
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On on the off ramp like. Where's the off ramp?
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So they pulled off to the side off the off ramp and it looks
5:21
like they were shuffling. It looks like they were looking
5:24
for something in the back of their van.
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And I'm approaching. I'm like, oh man, that sucks.
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These guys broke down. And then the one guy and that I
5:30
see the most like looks back at me as I'm coming because I'm the
5:34
last car in this line of cars. And right as I'm about to pass,
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he grabs this big thing that looks like it's inside of carpet
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and him and his buddy like grab it and pull it out.
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And I stopped driving. I'm like wait, wait, wait.
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What was the rest of that? Like?
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I didn't see them like pull it out.
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There was shoes hanging outside the end of the carpet.
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Dude, by the time I got up to the top of the exit ramp, they
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were already coming up the ramp. I was like, oh, I got to take a
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picture. I'm like making mental notes.
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I wrote it in my phone. I was like, guy was wearing blue
6:00
shirt and brown shorts. He was about 6 foot two.
6:03
He was had a had a friend see. Something say something.
6:05
Yeah, and he was in the red Astro van.
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I was like 1980 to 1990 Astro van, bright maroon red.
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And I was going to shoot the license, but he was going so
6:14
damn slow, I couldn't even the light had turned, so I had to
6:17
go. And I'm like, no.
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And I'm holding up the traffic to try to get a picture of this
6:20
van. But if the police are out there
6:23
and they're looking for somebody, I know I saw them and
6:26
I know why. Don't you just report it?
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Why don't because I? Don't know what it is, I don't
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know if they were. Either way they were probably
6:31
dumping something illegally like I don't.
6:32
Think that obviously. It may not be a body, but it may
6:35
be a body. You know what?
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I mean like on the off ramp, like you've got a bunch of
6:38
witnesses. But there's like, it's one of
6:40
those offerings that curls up like this.
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And so there's a big like. Forest below that area.
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And so when they were pulling just the quickness with which
6:50
they moved, either they were going to pull it out and put it
6:53
in the middle of. The road, well they know they
6:54
were doing something wrong or they not allowed to dump there.
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They knew they were doing something wrong and I was the
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last one to be able to. See it?
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You should go back and like go trudge through the little forest
7:01
and be the person that stumbles upon the skeleton.
7:04
I don't know if I want to see a body, but yeah, it was, I don't
7:07
know what's back there. Maybe they're feeding The
7:08
Wolverine. I don't like, I don't want to
7:10
take any risk. So.
7:11
But if the I'm going to be watching the police scanners and
7:14
seeing if they're like looking for a red van.
7:17
Has anybody seen this body? And I'm like, I know where it
7:20
is. I'm going to be the guy that
7:21
finds the. Body the tip, wait for wait
7:23
until they offer a reward because you are unemployed.
7:25
That's true. It's like, oh.
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My God, there's a $500,000 reward.
7:28
I'll be like Nick, this is the time.
7:30
Now tell them what you know. I've been waiting.
7:33
Your time costs money. But Speaking of bowling
7:36
tournament, I know you guys all want to talk bowling because
7:38
it's what you all enjoy the most.
7:40
And I was practicing for bowling today.
7:43
I'm trying not to completely disappoint my team.
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So I'm in a it's in the Oregon State Championship.
7:50
So it's a bowling tournament that's like the open.
7:52
And I've joined a team of good bowlers and I have the highest
7:56
average on paper, but I don't think that I'm the best bowler
8:00
there. Like these guys have gone to
8:01
this tournament several times. They are friends with each
8:04
other. They bowl in all the high level
8:06
leagues. I've been bowling on a like fun
8:08
league for six years and I just recently started getting
8:10
interesting and started like trying.
8:13
And so I have to bowl in this tournament for two days,
8:16
basically all day for Saturday and Sunday.
8:18
And I feel like I'm going to let everybody down.
8:21
I feel like I'm the I'm the weak link and so I have to, I have to
8:25
focus and I don't know if that's gonna make me better or worse,
8:28
but I'm worried. So yeah, I mean, OK, like, but
8:31
challenge those maladaptive thoughts, I suppose.
8:34
Like, are you the worst? Like bad thoughts?
8:38
Like are you the worst? You said on paper you're the
8:40
best. On paper.
8:42
Yeah, OK, so just keep doing what you normally do, cause the
8:45
reason that you have the the GPA or whatever the heck it what was
8:48
it? The average?
8:49
The reason you have the average on paper is 'cause you've done
8:51
it. Yes, but it's a tournament and
8:55
they changed the oil patterns for that.
8:56
So they've both done more tournaments than I have.
8:58
Yeah, well, this. Is like a lead.
8:59
Let's chalk it up to that. Hey guys, I'm new to
9:01
tournaments. I might be a little rusty, but
9:04
I'm just here to have fun because you know you're not
9:06
going to win. I might I?
9:08
Damn, I could I don't want to be like not supportive and be like,
9:11
Oh my gosh. But it's like it's a tournament
9:13
like you're new to the scene like please keep the
9:17
expectations like sea level below, you know what I mean?
9:22
Like if if we can dig into the center of the earth and put the
9:26
bar there, let's do that. And then that way when it when
9:30
we do good, we'll be like, yeah, great, we came in 7th wonderful.
9:36
But if you walk in there going like, Oh my gosh, I have to be
9:39
first or my team is going to hate me.
9:41
Like, yeah, you're going to have a bad time.
9:42
I. Just have to bowl better than
9:44
everybody else or but but you're not you're half.
9:46
Going to bowl better than. Everyone else, at least half the
9:48
team because we have a team event, we have a double S event
9:51
and then a singles event. So I can blow my singles event.
9:53
That's fine, but the double S, like I got to show up and then
9:56
team, I got to be better than half the team at least.
9:58
Yeah, but. Or else I'm a disappointment to
10:00
everyone and I. Won't be invited.
10:01
Back. The bowling tournament, like,
10:03
oh, I got to show up. It's like, well, are you not
10:05
going to show up? You're going to do the same
10:07
level of effort in every single one.
10:09
Just go out there, know that you're doing your best, and
10:12
that's all you can. Do it's easy to tell my
10:14
daughter? No, I know, but like.
10:16
But at the end of the day, I'm like, this is my fault.
10:17
I'm terrible. Why did I even try to get a
10:19
practice to? Be good.
10:20
You want to be good and you're hopeful and that's great.
10:23
But like, you also have to like, be realistic here.
10:25
Like you're not a tournament bowler.
10:28
I'm like you're trying to be but you're new to this.
10:31
Right as I got into tournaments, it just so happens that right as
10:34
I was like, all right, this is it, this is my year.
10:37
I'm bowling in 300, I'm bowling in 20 tournaments.
10:39
It's going to be great. And they're like, by the way,
10:41
you're unemployed. Yeah, 'cause these tournaments
10:44
cost money, so this is going to be the last one until you get a
10:46
job again. I know so unless, but if I get
10:49
top ten will you let me get another one?
10:51
No, if I get top 10. No, Why would I?
10:54
That's like $5000. Great, put it towards the Bills.
10:57
Let me get a tournament. No.
10:59
What if I win again? You don't get.
11:00
To go. Back and.
11:01
Be Pro Bowl, but I'm over here working.
11:03
That's not fun, it's a business. Yeah, right.
11:05
My. Job is to bowl.
11:06
You said you would never like the pro bowlers make 0 money
11:11
unless you're like the top three and even then and it's a
11:15
horrible life. Yeah, they go from, they stay in
11:17
hotels for like months. Not like The Four Seasons.
11:19
Like the? Whatever they can afford cuz
11:21
they have. Fairfield Inn?
11:22
Yeah, Courtyard Inn at the airport.
11:25
Maybe if I go pro I can be the eccentric one.
11:28
Like I have to just switch on a new character.
11:30
I can either be the angry man like the guy that talks a lot of
11:33
smack and is like known for his anger or I could be.
11:38
John Mackerel. Just like, or I could be the the
11:40
Super friendly dressing an all pink guy, or just I could be the
11:45
old guy I could dress up as make myself like super old.
11:48
Just have I need a stick. Yeah.
11:49
I you're not going to get that far because you're not going to
11:51
be able to be in a tournament or in leagues or anything like that
11:54
until you get a job. Killing my dreams this
11:57
unemployment go. Work at a pro shop, get 50% off
12:00
your bowling and there's a way that.
12:02
You can do that. I I'm not against, I know.
12:05
I'm not against. It's fine.
12:07
Yeah. Like, like we were talking about
12:09
this on the podcast the other day, like this.
12:10
I'm this and this, right? Like there's nothing wrong with
12:14
being like, hey, I freelance audio visual stuff.
12:17
I make videos, I'm a photographer and I also work
12:20
part time at the pro shop or whatever it is like so that I
12:23
can get free bowling or I can get half off balls or whatever
12:25
it is like. Yeah, I've thought it works.
12:27
I've thought about working in the bowling alley and I would,
12:30
knowing everybody else that works there, I would be the old
12:32
guy at 40. Oh no.
12:35
I know, but I don't want. They're all young kids making
12:37
probably like $9 an hour. Yeah.
12:39
And I'd, I'd just be like, hey, you're.
12:42
Not going to be friends with them.
12:43
You're not going to be like, hey young fellows, you.
12:45
Would like to. Have a smoke outside by the
12:47
dumpster. I'm like, I don't.
12:49
Know if I ever want to work where I'm the old guy there?
12:52
Well, buddy, you are. You're losing daylight.
12:54
I know like I always tell you on that, that's.
12:58
Where I think I met it, wherever I go, I'm now no longer the
13:01
fresh young hot thing. I'm the old seasoned vet.
13:06
Yeah, where could you possibly work where you'd be the young,
13:09
the old folks child? Yeah, the old folks.
13:12
Hey, son, let me take you under my wing now.
13:14
You're the mentor. Oh.
13:15
My God, that's terrible. I mean, get on board, man.
13:19
What? Happened.
13:19
I don't know enough. I don't know enough to be a
13:21
mentor in any. Way sure don't.
13:22
That's what's so scary about all this.
13:25
Maybe I'm maybe. The mentor and I'm like, oh boy,
13:28
you're going to be in charge. Yeah, well, yeah, I don't know
13:32
if I'd be in charge. I would just be the guy at the
13:33
desk. You'd be spraying the shoes, the
13:35
antifungal in the shoes. Here you go, you know sorting
13:39
them the. By number.
13:40
But honestly, like, isn't that kind of meditative like?
13:44
I'm meditative when the bills hit, no.
13:46
But like, I understand like, but like this idea of like having
13:49
very little responsibility. And I'm not trying to knock the
13:52
people that work at the bowling alley because I don't know what
13:54
their lives are like. But at the end of the day, like
13:57
I always envision like my retirement, if I ever get there
14:01
of like maybe working at like a yard, like a fabric store, you
14:07
know, part time where all I do is just cut fabric and I go,
14:11
what do you want? A yard or two yards?
14:12
And they go, OK. And then I and like, that's my
14:15
job, you know, like there's something meditative in like
14:18
slowing down about that. About having a job just to have
14:21
something to do. Yeah, but it's like repetitive,
14:24
right? Like, oh, shoes, I spray them, I
14:26
put them away. Oh, shoes, I spray them like
14:29
it's it's I, I, I don't want to say it's mindless, but at the
14:32
same time it's like you can kind of be absorbed in your own
14:34
thoughts while. You're doing it.
14:35
It's predictable. It's repetitive, Yeah.
14:37
And I do not thrive in those situations.
14:40
No, you don't, I guess. Knowing your history, maybe as
14:45
as I get older maybe I'll be a little more, but I feel like
14:48
it's getting worse. Yeah.
14:49
I'm like trying to, I have to remind myself to focus when I'm
14:52
doing things. I came up here earlier and I sat
14:55
down to fill something out and I was immediately drawn in by
14:58
something else. And I was like, wait, wait, no,
15:00
I got to do this. That's all.
15:01
I don't know. That's.
15:02
The ADHD. It gets worse apparently as you
15:05
get older, no? If you're undiagnosed and you
15:08
start popping up all kinds of you're like, wait a second.
15:11
That feels weird. Yeah, well, I have a therapist
15:13
in the house to diagnose me. So yeah, exactly.
15:16
But. Thank you for watching.
15:16
Don't forget to like, subscribe, tell a friend, share with
15:19
everybody and brag about how amazing we are.
15:22
So that Nick doesn't have to go work in the pro shop.
15:24
You can't stop laughing. You've you barely breathe when
15:28
you listen to the podcast. Or you can sponsor me and I'll
15:32
get a bowling shirt and feel free to donate your sponsorships
15:35
onto my shirt and I can sponsor me for tournaments.
15:37
That's one way I could do it right.
15:39
I get a. Sponsorship.
15:41
Here's the thing, you make no money.
15:43
So any money, any money that comes in goes to the bills.
15:46
Well, I know, but if, if, if if like Sam Sealcoat sponsors me or
15:50
if Trash Pandas sponsor me. Both of you guys I know listen
15:54
to this podcast like do I get if they pay for my shirt in the
15:57
tournament? If they pay for the way in the
16:00
tournament, yeah. If they pay for the tournament
16:02
and I just have to wear their logo on my shirt, I'm sponsored
16:04
by the trash pandas. I don't like that.
16:07
Why not? Because I because you got to
16:08
pay. Bills I, I know, but I, they're,
16:11
they're helping me. Sponsor this podcast and then
16:13
pay our bills instead of you bowling.
16:15
They're not. I mean, a bowling tournament
16:17
cost like 100 bucks. Like what's that going to do for
16:19
our Bills? I don't know.
16:21
If you do 20 of them, that's plenty.
16:23
Yeah, just have logos all over our podcast, like hi everyone.
16:27
We're brought to you by everyone.
16:28
At this point I will sell my soul to Sam Sealcoat and
16:32
flooring and stripping and this trash band us.
16:35
Deal. All right, you guys heard it.
16:36
E-mail me for. Sponsorship.
16:37
Sure, why not?