Latest / Dear Son, / There's 2 Sides to Every Coin | Unfair Projections In Fatherhood | Ep 190 | The Dear Son, Show

Transcript

There's 2 Sides to Every Coin | Unfair Projections In Fatherhood | Ep 190 | The Dear Son, Show · Dear Son,

0:00
[SPEAKER_02]: If they're a quote-unquote troublemaker, they never forget, especially when the world is dismissive, they never forget who actually locked in, checked in, and was actually listening to the responses not just saying high school school good, that's good.
0:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Not what you mean good, like what you're all doing, what you're all working on.
0:21
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you share stories with them.
0:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, I remember that, I have a story about that and not to dominate the conversation, but encourage them to open up more.
0:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, that just happened to me as I'm learning that as well.
0:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Actual quality interaction.
0:37
[SPEAKER_02]: They'll never forget that in their lives.
0:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And we live, welcome to the dear song show where we have real-life conversations to help boys and young men know now what we wish we knew then.
0:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to use J-Black.
0:55
[SPEAKER_01]: These joins are the hosts.
0:56
[SPEAKER_01]: What's up, good brother?
0:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And we end here.
0:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Almost good Thursday.
1:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Ah, all those good Thursday.
1:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Good Thursday?
1:02
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, yeah, that's what I say.
1:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks so.
1:06
[SPEAKER_02]: What's the day like?
1:07
[SPEAKER_02]: Yesterday is Thursday.
1:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I thought it was Friday.
1:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Good God, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
1:27
[SPEAKER_01]: a little bit too.
1:28
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
1:30
[SPEAKER_01]: I got my, my, my, my serene voice on, but man, this is so, it's been good, man, eating that her first chair practice.
1:40
[SPEAKER_01]: Come on.
1:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm starting to understand that life.
1:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:45
[SPEAKER_02]: He lies all but it.
1:46
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:46
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a, yeah.
1:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
1:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, just running the round, man.
1:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Trying to try to get some things in order, man.
1:51
[SPEAKER_01]: We got to, uh,
1:53
[SPEAKER_01]: a couple of things that need a little iron and out.
1:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, we'll get into it now, how about you?
1:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Same, the boy got him home from school.
2:04
[SPEAKER_02]: the day he got back, he got sick.
2:06
[SPEAKER_02]: And so he been down.
2:08
[SPEAKER_02]: We actively addressing that right now.
2:10
[SPEAKER_02]: I actually, uh, so there's definitely a bug in the air right now.
2:15
[SPEAKER_02]: But other than that, just dealing with the school, man, uh, they crammed everything in the last week and a half of school, because, you know, they got through with the start test and then that catch up with activities like,
2:27
[SPEAKER_02]: There's been some type of concert or recital at the school every day, including today, like there's some water park today, and field trip, then they got field data more early.
2:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It's just trying to stay up with the last stretch of school for their man, me.
2:45
[SPEAKER_01]: He didn't have a field day to day, but parents weren't invited to my knowledge.
2:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, 7th April.
2:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd
2:50
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I don't recall that being the thing.
2:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I was something that brought you know, the real day stopped at fifth when I was there.
2:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
2:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
2:58
[SPEAKER_01]: So holiday above, man.
3:00
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, holiday above.
3:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
3:02
[SPEAKER_02]: We're going to get right into it today.
3:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Today's topic is deer sun.
3:07
[SPEAKER_02]: I know there's two sides to a corn, but what about that other side?
3:16
[SPEAKER_01]: and I'm here to somewhere with this I'm sure two sides of the coin are you committed the one side um is it really either old with you should you be committed to one side right uh um hmm uh a more practical are you flipped i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i- i
3:40
[SPEAKER_01]: How much effort is going into your, uh, going into your businesses, making with it, how to come to you?
3:46
[SPEAKER_02]: I like that, uh, perspective, okay, it's, it's a perspective approach for me, um, because two size never story and we tend to resonate to the story or the version that's comfortable to us.
4:04
[SPEAKER_02]: but the other side of the story perhaps provide more, provides more clarity, or even more beneficial.
4:12
[SPEAKER_02]: But we're so used to looking at side A, a plan side A at a date.
4:18
[SPEAKER_02]: The B-sides.
4:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I had to explain it to some people.
4:21
[UNKNOWN]: They got it.
4:21
[SPEAKER_02]: They got it.
4:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Right.
4:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, we were children.
4:24
[SPEAKER_02]: The music was on cassette tapes.
4:27
[SPEAKER_02]: It was teenage.
4:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Teenagers actually.
4:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So on Saturday, they put the hits.
4:33
[SPEAKER_02]: The more popular radio cuts, I'm new here on the radio from this artist.
4:38
[SPEAKER_02]: There was something called the B-Size.
4:39
[SPEAKER_02]: You had to actually physically take the tape by a flip it, put it back in and play the other side of the tape.
4:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, that's what a, if you truly were a fan, it's good music on that side.
4:50
[SPEAKER_02]: The marketing team just decided not to release those songs.
4:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Publicly, they felt like the other side had the catch year marketable tunes, not to say the B-Size.
5:02
[SPEAKER_02]: It's bad to the point of our topic.
5:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Great songs on the other side, they just were not marketed or even presented to bring attention to them.
5:12
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what it is.
5:15
[SPEAKER_01]: current topic, conversations that I'm actually aware of that I heard over the last couple of weeks was who could do a B-side concert?
5:23
[SPEAKER_01]: And if it's almost Jay Z has done one, a concert call a B-side.
5:27
[SPEAKER_01]: It's right before I know specific hits.
5:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
5:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Or what wasn't necessarily considered hit set the time.
5:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, but yeah.
5:36
[SPEAKER_01]: So I mean, it's made maybe that unlock something for some
5:42
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we, we, we from the cassette.
5:43
[SPEAKER_01]: I went from the, the A track.
5:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I've seen.
5:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I've helped the knee track.
5:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I played it.
5:47
[SPEAKER_01]: I've held it.
5:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
5:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I've played it.
5:49
[SPEAKER_01]: I've played it.
5:50
[SPEAKER_01]: My positive one.
5:51
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
5:52
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, you know, I'm saying, I, I want to cut you off as you were saying, have to flip the tape off.
5:55
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, but before they went out of state, oh, there were, there were, um, units that could play.
6:02
[SPEAKER_02]: because you know the piece, the metal piece come down and flip you took my high tech now see you at their bread no no you had that bread I was still sticking paper in the bottom hole at a bottom cassette so that I could roll over yeah come on okay come on I can't see I can't wait we're getting off chapter he said I have 90 can't y'all man it's 20 takes yeah so to head that way because I'm paying attention to
6:29
[SPEAKER_02]: the surroundings of my son right now.
6:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't know if I discussed this already about the planning phase of getting him from school to home for the summer.
6:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And it was like, you live in a dorm, you're going back next semester.
6:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not bringing everything home, just to pack it all back up and take it all the way back down there.
6:56
[SPEAKER_00]: It's going to little stories, or you come up with a remedy, perhaps, to mitigate our
7:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to focus more so now on the anchoring.
7:15
[SPEAKER_02]: It's how I want to put it.
7:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm stuck, man, because you guys are like, I'll proud of you for cutting that story off right there, but I was interested in the rest of the story, because when you came back, I saw some.
7:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Let it be.
7:33
[SPEAKER_02]: That's okay, I'm glad you did.
7:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Nope, we're gonna get right on it now.
7:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey man, so, come on baby, this, uh, this for Jay because that's who's going to watch it and they can call it be the report to him.
7:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, your pops on the shooting slogs that you might want to go check that out.
7:51
[SPEAKER_02]: So this for the report and section, his cousin, run T at this.
7:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So, some message coming to an end.
8:02
[SPEAKER_02]: time to get my son home from college.
8:04
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care.
8:05
[SPEAKER_02]: So, hey, uh, what's the plan?
8:09
[SPEAKER_02]: It was like, what do you mean?
8:13
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard, he got the first problem.
8:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I heard from your mom, this is D day.
8:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Like this day is the day they want child out of the, yeah, yeah, yeah, it wanted us out by the ninth, ninth, tenth, something like that.
8:27
[SPEAKER_02]: What you're gonna do, like, when I bring all that stuff home, fast forward, he was like, I don't know, a man look, find your little stores or something, price it out, keep me posted, but coming down to the movie.
8:39
[SPEAKER_02]: This guy, this guy, and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,
8:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So I get down there, I call, no, before I even get there, I call him back, I was going on what you got.
9:06
[SPEAKER_02]: He sends me because he sends me a text message with his link.
9:09
[SPEAKER_02]: I open the link that's a picture of a guy with a uniform on with a dolly and a stack of boxes.
9:18
[SPEAKER_00]: price through.
9:19
[SPEAKER_00]: This is a service that they come in.
9:23
[SPEAKER_02]: They give you some boxes.
9:25
[SPEAKER_02]: You can pack your own stuff.
9:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Then they come in.
9:28
[SPEAKER_02]: They grab these boxes haul them away.
9:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Storm for you.
9:33
[SPEAKER_02]: Two month or four month minimum.
9:37
[SPEAKER_00]: Bring it back.
9:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Minimum.
9:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I did the math.
9:40
[SPEAKER_02]: It was $600.
9:40
[SPEAKER_02]: For
9:47
[SPEAKER_02]: bring it back to you, drop it back to you.
9:50
[SPEAKER_02]: This aggravated deep had a lot of me.
9:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I said, man, what's this?
9:58
[SPEAKER_02]: He was like, well, that's what all of the students that live out of town, that's just what they doing.
10:04
[SPEAKER_02]: So, I just sent that to you.
10:07
[SPEAKER_02]: First of all, brother, I'm coming down there with two able-bodied men and I have a truck.
10:16
[SPEAKER_02]: You said me a service was somebody going to come pick up some boxes.
10:20
[SPEAKER_02]: That's not happening brother.
10:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm going to get it right now.
10:21
[SPEAKER_02]: When I do it there, you don't have an apartment.
10:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You live in a dorm like what, what do you bring in out of a dorm that you need a crew to come pick up your items and hold them for a couple of months to you get back?
10:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Okay, well, I just sent you that because I'm trying to help out.
10:38
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, boo, who are you trying to help that?
10:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Help, I see where they said this all wrong.
10:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Your focus wrong you you think you help me right fast forward.
10:51
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, man Now I want you to just find your stories brother.
10:54
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what that's what I had in my year Five minutes later.
10:57
[SPEAKER_02]: He sent me a link to another storage facility I click the storage facility is got sizes prices cost.
11:05
[SPEAKER_02]: I Meeting the column again What's this
11:10
[SPEAKER_02]: a storage place.
11:13
[SPEAKER_02]: You fit a piece of me out there.
11:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Recommendations for me.
11:18
[SPEAKER_02]: I say, brother, I'm not your concierge service.
11:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not your for that.
11:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Here's the expectation.
11:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I guess I got to give it to you.
11:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Go find and research you about five six storage facilities, availability, cost, location proximity to the campus.
11:34
[SPEAKER_02]: These things put something together
11:40
[SPEAKER_02]: and presented to me, call me.
11:43
[SPEAKER_02]: You know, he might have to be that formal.
11:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Dad, I just looked at these five places.
11:46
[SPEAKER_02]: These three talking about this.
11:48
[SPEAKER_02]: I think this is the best one based on cost and proximity.
11:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Born proud of you.
11:53
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't get that.
11:54
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't get that.
11:56
[SPEAKER_00]: Fast forward.
11:59
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I picked a place.
12:01
[SPEAKER_00]: There was the same place he sent me, bro.
12:05
[SPEAKER_00]: Which tells me you just didn't go look at any other places.
12:10
[SPEAKER_00]: whatever.
12:11
[SPEAKER_02]: So, $60 a month, $60 a month, $60 a month, $60 a month, $20 over the $600.
12:19
[SPEAKER_02]: At least we beat that.
12:21
[SPEAKER_02]: I get to the school because I'm thinking finals at 8 a.m.
12:25
[SPEAKER_02]: I drive, I leave.
12:27
[SPEAKER_02]: Thursday night,
12:35
[SPEAKER_02]: sleep for about four hours, jump up, shoot on down.
12:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'll get there for eight, eight, 30.
12:41
[SPEAKER_02]: If you're fine with it, I'm thinking I get there eight, 30.
12:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Surely at nine, you threw it with finals.
12:47
[SPEAKER_02]: You're not right now.
12:50
[SPEAKER_01]: So I get there eight, 30.
12:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't want to call them.
12:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Maybe he had a middle of his exam.
12:58
[SPEAKER_02]: But nine, I don't hear the things.
12:59
[SPEAKER_02]: So I reach out.
13:04
[SPEAKER_00]: I know you live.
13:06
[SPEAKER_00]: You sleep?
13:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, my final night to 10.
13:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Put a hill I get eight from and your mom said nine.
13:15
[SPEAKER_02]: So we both off that school, all right, bit.
13:18
[SPEAKER_02]: So now I've race down here to get here for eight at a.m. 12 o'clock, this brother calls me.
13:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Hey man, I just finished my exam and I haven't packed yet though.
13:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Right on, on his, and I'm for the, I'm for the pop everybody now.
13:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, wife come on in here.
13:43
[SPEAKER_02]: So I call her, hey man, uh, did you saw a no, he was moving out his dorm today?
13:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well you hated what this was, what's going on.
13:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm just talk to him, it's 2015, he hasn't packed, he's, he's not packed.
14:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Pop.
14:05
[SPEAKER_02]: She says, like you forgotten what it's like to be in college.
14:10
[SPEAKER_02]: It's finals time.
14:12
[SPEAKER_00]: Who's worried about packing?
14:14
[SPEAKER_00]: And there's finals.
14:19
[SPEAKER_00]: That really pissed me off too.
14:22
[SPEAKER_00]: I could say that that really aggravated me.
14:26
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
14:33
[SPEAKER_02]: It's literally pouring down raining for the next six hours non-stop.
14:38
[SPEAKER_00]: It's flooding, but we pack in here now to get it stuff.
14:48
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't care.
14:49
[SPEAKER_02]: We walk in the rain.
14:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's go, baby.
14:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Bad preparation.
14:55
[SPEAKER_02]: You understand?
14:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Well, plan.
14:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I want to go through it.
14:57
[SPEAKER_02]: So we get all of the
15:01
[SPEAKER_02]: sidebar, these entitles, children at the school, they have this whole area in the lobby of the dome, refrigerators, microwaves, furniture.
15:12
[SPEAKER_02]: They said it was the donation pile.
15:16
[SPEAKER_02]: These are things that the children were just leaving at the dome.
15:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't need this anymore.
15:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Brand new refrigerators
15:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I grabbed me two of those refrigerators.
15:33
[SPEAKER_02]: I swear I did.
15:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Put them on the back of the truck.
15:36
[SPEAKER_02]: These braids, no, yeah.
15:38
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm grateful to you, but that's the sidebar.
15:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Fast forward.
15:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Got all the stuff loaded on the truck.
15:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We're not going to the storage.
15:47
[SPEAKER_02]: That's what I told them flat out.
15:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Mine, you got to swing through another part of Louisiana and pick up my mother-in-law.
15:52
[SPEAKER_02]: I ain't doing it.
15:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Bring her back as well.
15:56
[SPEAKER_02]: So that's another three hours the other way.
16:00
[SPEAKER_02]: from where we are, out of bed and rose, go grab her.
16:04
[SPEAKER_02]: She got some most stuff that she's going to bring.
16:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I got to go bring her one way trailer.
16:11
[SPEAKER_00]: That's what I saw.
16:12
[SPEAKER_02]: No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
16:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I know for a whole year, I know for six months, I know for 30 days that Friday the 30th is coming.
16:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I have something to do.
16:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Why do I get up the morning Friday the 30th as though I just found out today, I have something to do Friday the 30th.
16:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
16:51
[SPEAKER_02]: That's that's a PIP, like that's a problem.
16:53
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
16:54
[SPEAKER_00]: That's a real problem.
16:55
[SPEAKER_00]: So.
16:58
[SPEAKER_00]: that I'm done with that spirit, because I really is really going to make me fire somebody up to the point.
17:06
[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes we can be anchored to bad habits.
17:09
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
17:11
[SPEAKER_00]: We can be anchored to a perspective.
17:17
[SPEAKER_02]: Heads, if I'm going to flip a coin, I'm calling heads.
17:20
[SPEAKER_02]: Every time.
17:20
[SPEAKER_02]: They're calling heads.
17:21
[SPEAKER_02]: There are people that's going to call heads every time.
17:24
[SPEAKER_02]: What about tails?
17:28
[SPEAKER_02]: Statistically, there are numbers to support Collin Tales.
17:35
[SPEAKER_02]: If I'm steadily doing a thing, and it's just okay.
17:41
[SPEAKER_02]: And I have someone my dad talking to me about there's a better way, dig deeper, apply yourself, other side of the coin, different approach.
17:56
[SPEAKER_00]: How?
17:57
[SPEAKER_00]: How?
17:57
[SPEAKER_00]: How?
17:59
[SPEAKER_00]: What can we say?
18:01
[SPEAKER_02]: What should we say?
18:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Are we justified in a, uh, a semi-crash out?
18:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Are we justified in a semi-crash out or release?
18:13
[SPEAKER_02]: Even.
18:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I got a, um, I got a couple responses.
18:18
[SPEAKER_01]: to activity in my house and my head, they made to my notion, they made it to the family text.
18:23
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
18:24
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
18:25
[SPEAKER_01]: They probably been noticed today where I've really been evaluating how I said a thing, how many times I said a thing, and what the reaction is to me saying the thing over time, they're still not changing the activity.
18:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes.
18:49
[SPEAKER_00]: daily, right, right.
18:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's like it's almost to the point that was laughable.
18:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I'm trying to trace back to how this became a standard.
19:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I know it's not, but I really like like how do you, how are you comfortable?
19:10
[SPEAKER_01]: How are you comfortable living like this?
19:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you know, I don't go upstairs.
19:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, let's just write the deal.
19:24
[SPEAKER_01]: How you feeling, right?
19:26
[SPEAKER_01]: I kind of don't even, I may tell you my piece, but I'm going upstairs.
19:32
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm just like, how, I had the laugh.
19:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, it was nothing was funny about it.
19:38
[SPEAKER_00]: I was like, how did it?
19:41
[SPEAKER_00]: How make it make sense to me?
19:44
[SPEAKER_00]: She came home in a,
19:49
[SPEAKER_01]: slow.
19:50
[SPEAKER_01]: She's 12.
19:50
[SPEAKER_01]: She'd be 13.
19:51
[SPEAKER_01]: So she's for I should tell you.
19:54
[SPEAKER_01]: No towels in the towel closet and I'm late.
19:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It got to the point where I started just keeping my towels and my stuff and washing with my stuff to make sure that I got XM covered.
20:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I got XM's the towel because nobody else seems that how would issue with it.
20:09
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody's taking showers, but I can't find the towel 25 towels on her floor.
20:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So I grabbed the towels and I wash them.
20:23
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's space in the floor now.
20:25
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it comes home.
20:26
[SPEAKER_01]: It says me a text, where are you in my room?
20:32
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually, the room is in my house.
20:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually was, I was actually in your room.
20:38
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a mess.
20:39
[SPEAKER_01]: She has me back.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm working on it.
20:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I just need some time to some patience.
20:45
[SPEAKER_01]: And it kind of hit me a little bit.
20:48
[SPEAKER_01]: So I gave it some time, some patience, but I'll let I go upstairs, she end the bed.
20:52
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, no, you all all of the fairy tales in your life.
20:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And come to a stop at right now.
21:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I wake up, I'm like, absolutely not.
21:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, absolutely not.
21:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to sit there with her.
21:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Why should, like, wow, she had the activity.
21:08
[SPEAKER_01]: And she needed that.
21:10
[SPEAKER_00]: And part of it was like, okay, why does she need that?
21:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, if this is what it takes, right, you know, this is what it takes until we can change this.
21:23
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm literally every morning, I'll be, I'll smooth because of people out of my mind.
21:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, like, in the world, my mama, having the world does it getting to this.
21:35
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, who's coming downstairs at midnight?
21:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's what it is late night, proud.
21:41
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
21:42
[SPEAKER_01]: The dishes would be washed.
21:44
[SPEAKER_01]: We had you come that says in the sink full again.
21:46
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, oh, and then when I went around like, oh, oh, that was the first rule that you and your mama broke.
21:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't need upstairs.
21:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Because when you first moved in the house, I was like, let's not.
21:58
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?
21:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm saying it nicely, but I was like, we agreed, we agreed.
22:02
[SPEAKER_01]: This wasn't dictated shit.
22:04
[SPEAKER_01]: They were homeschooled and I go upstairs.
22:06
[SPEAKER_01]: They ain't breakfast upstairs.
22:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And she went to, what they got to eat.
22:13
[SPEAKER_00]: certain.
22:15
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, I'm all right.
22:16
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm all square footers down stays.
22:19
[SPEAKER_01]: This is clearly the more appropriate place.
22:22
[SPEAKER_01]: And most convenient, yeah, I don't know if this is turning the nine hands the work, but, but, but it's, it's a, another, I'm glad we did this a day, because it was, I was pushing for the, mm-hmm, push it for the, which got the more, mm-hmm.
22:39
[SPEAKER_01]: But I like it's, it's really been,
22:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I've really been looking at myself like, all right, how do I govern this differently?
22:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, what can I just without with our conceding to foolishness and setting them up for fairies?
22:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Cause that's really what it's about.
22:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, like it is one thing.
23:01
[SPEAKER_01]: To for me to want something to be clean and me clean it and then you go off and then you have no skill You have no discipline and actually doing it.
23:07
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not suggesting that I'm a neat freak.
23:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it's like Don't make it worse like you but everybody is that that's what everybody's at the age in the house right now We're
23:17
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't get to make it worse for everybody else.
23:19
[SPEAKER_01]: No, absolutely not.
23:21
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't, right?
23:22
[SPEAKER_01]: If your room gets out of hand, which is shouldn't, and it takes somebody saying, get your room back together, would deal with that, would have a discipline that's there.
23:29
[SPEAKER_01]: But you don't get to come into the common areas and make life worse for everybody else, because it's always hazing your mind.
23:38
[SPEAKER_01]: Common shed area, yeah.
23:41
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm, I'm, I'm, right down my street on the code to say.
23:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Listen, I'm her, because, because summer of reckoning, if you will, mine had some correction, a couple of summers back, but yeah, yes, because there's a lot of, like, like, I even, I even heard my wife talking to the little's the other day about.
24:06
[SPEAKER_02]: their new roles coming up in the household.
24:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Like listen, y'all are of the age now.
24:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Like these are your jobs.
24:14
[SPEAKER_02]: These are your chores.
24:15
[SPEAKER_02]: These are your jobs.
24:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's get to it.
24:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Like you're not scrubbing dishes in a number 12 to 10 to about side.
24:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Watch them out, load the dishwasher, put the detergent.
24:30
[SPEAKER_02]: Hit go.
24:32
[SPEAKER_02]: You can do that.
24:34
[SPEAKER_02]: you can sweep the floor, you can clear tables.
24:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So I say that to say, it's easy.
24:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Ooh, I'm glad I said that because that's your good to thought.
24:46
[SPEAKER_02]: The other side of the coin, parenting wise.
24:50
[SPEAKER_02]: I have been watching parents in our area.
24:55
[SPEAKER_02]: I can't help it.
24:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I go to school every morning dropping the keys off, and I'm consciously people watching, but I'm watching parents in their interaction with children, right?
25:07
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's mind blowing how, how overly coddling parents are with children right now.
25:17
[SPEAKER_02]: I've watched two separate parents that aren't connected to each other.
25:21
[SPEAKER_02]: They don't know each other and they're of color, a black dad, a black mom and not to that that matters, but it causes writing down going down the street to the school in the morning, the kid, one set was on a bike, two totally different days.
25:47
[SPEAKER_02]: The key at on the bike riding to the school or the other key at she was on a scooter riding to the school.
25:57
[SPEAKER_02]: The parent behind the key at holding the backpack running to keep up all the way from the neighborhood all the way to the school holding their backpack running behind the
26:16
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'm not talking toddler, man.
26:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm talking 10 years old, fourth grade.
26:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean?
26:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Why don't you see something's wrong with that?
26:29
[SPEAKER_02]: Because if you can write that bike, if you could write that scooter, it's nothing to put the backpack on your back.
26:36
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
26:37
[SPEAKER_02]: We have to be more aware of what we're creating in our children.
26:47
[SPEAKER_02]: We're making our children very lazy, we're making them dependent and their approach is off.
26:58
[SPEAKER_02]: By our standards, by our standards, that's the killing part, we as parents are openly expressing
27:15
[SPEAKER_02]: But then, as I put a lens and watch what I'm doing, he's doing exactly what I've groomed him to do or hurt to do.
27:26
[SPEAKER_02]: And I have the audacity to be aggravated about it.
27:30
[SPEAKER_02]: To your point about me analyzing what I've been doing, what I've been saying, how I've been saying it, what have been the reactions?
27:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Because it's time to adjust there.
27:43
[SPEAKER_02]: There has to be an adjustment now.
27:44
[SPEAKER_02]: How do you feel or what do you think the current state of parents complaining about the monsters they've created?
27:57
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's embarrassment and I'll speak for me.
27:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't speak for, I can assume with other people to think.
28:02
[SPEAKER_01]: But for me, it's embarrassment.
28:05
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
28:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I know I've created this, right?
28:09
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not all fault we had when we, on the good day, I tried we talking about, uh, responsibility for a thing.
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
28:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
28:18
[SPEAKER_01]: I take responsibility for the outcome and all situations, but I'm not accountable for every action that created the outcome.
28:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
28:24
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
28:27
[SPEAKER_01]: So though I own it, if I'm not holding them accountable along the way, it's still my problem to own overall, right?
28:37
[SPEAKER_01]: So my my demand for accountability, these look different, the consequences for being for not being accountable need to look different right now.
28:48
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been storing all of that and this means to roll the decks of what am I going
28:56
[SPEAKER_01]: That's really with the morning, silent cuss I'll be about because I know me popping off isn't going to solve anything in this in this two dramatic of a shift.
29:08
[SPEAKER_01]: and the energy for it to be effective, right?
29:12
[SPEAKER_01]: The takeaway is gonna be how dad acted, not necessarily that dad was right about these things need to change.
29:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It's gonna be about, we've never seen him like this.
29:22
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me to go all this time getting to a point while I'm like this, if I unload on him like this, it doesn't solve anything.
29:30
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's probably gonna create a different,
29:33
[SPEAKER_01]: a worse dynamic.
29:34
[SPEAKER_01]: The thing may get done, but now the relationship is fractured.
29:39
[SPEAKER_01]: So for me, it's a, it's, it's embarrassment.
29:42
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the not slowing down enough to ensure that they understand what's being communicated and talking about that before communication is not me telling you a thing and that's the end of it.
29:52
[SPEAKER_01]: Communication sometimes requires some activity in
29:57
[SPEAKER_01]: the conversations because we need to, okay, you said this in the moment, but your behaviors say this now, let's regroup on this thing, right?
30:08
[SPEAKER_01]: I've stopped the same things in the moment and let my frustrations carry.
30:13
[SPEAKER_01]: the balance of it, you know, and not addressing things in the time of your fashion.
30:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And for me, it's they're going to run off in a common high, but it's not because it's not everything.
30:27
[SPEAKER_01]: I could see it.
30:28
[SPEAKER_01]: It was all of your behavior like this.
30:30
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
30:31
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd be frustrated about specific things.
30:33
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, I see
30:35
[SPEAKER_01]: The characteristics it takes to do this thing that's frustrating me.
30:39
[SPEAKER_01]: You doing it everywhere else everywhere.
30:41
[SPEAKER_01]: But this thing right here, right?
30:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's not an absence of parenting.
30:45
[SPEAKER_01]: It's the why why on the dots connected in this area, that's specifically frustrating me.
30:51
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wish people would pay more attention to that of rational disapproval is different than I'm just an ogre.
31:06
[SPEAKER_02]: You know who I am, you know I'm not just a grumpy man at the world, person, parent, or spouse.
31:13
[SPEAKER_02]: So if I'm, if I'm bringing something to your attention, you have to understand the rationale in it.
31:22
[SPEAKER_02]: I see your capable, or the conversation in the approach would be different.
31:28
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not approaching you like, let's sit down, let me, let me teach you this, let me show you this.
31:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Why are you falling short right here?
31:37
[SPEAKER_02]: That's because you've already demonstrated and proven to me you're more than capable.
31:44
[SPEAKER_02]: Most of the time, majority of the time, even.
31:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Capable, but more than capable, is where the real frustration lies.
31:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Because again, when it comes to your personal wants,
31:59
[SPEAKER_02]: When it comes to a party or a good time, you are an expert at time management, planning, preparation, details, attention to detail and follow through.
32:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Master, you could put on a master class showing someone how to do this, but something that's far more pressing and important
32:29
[SPEAKER_00]: Clueless help me show me what is this I don't understand.
32:34
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I do that and why?
32:37
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to find a way in my opinion there has to be a search.
32:43
[SPEAKER_02]: How do I find a way to tie my important things to my desire things to why I desire the important things?
32:57
[SPEAKER_02]: That's the key, it's not rocket science, that the key, I need to learn what it takes for me to desire, survival, that's a good motivator, going to say, so I have to tie my desire to the thing that is important in detrimental to my existence, and now it will become consistent.
33:26
[SPEAKER_02]: for me to implement these skills that I've mastered.
33:30
[SPEAKER_00]: I, I, this is, I guess a little on par, but a little different as well.
33:36
[SPEAKER_02]: My next thought, but I feel like it's very, it's, it's, it's timely.
33:45
[SPEAKER_02]: We are in phases in life right now.
33:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I saw two things this week that actually three,
33:55
[SPEAKER_02]: One, I saw an old clip of Alan Iverson, your hometown guy.
34:01
[SPEAKER_02]: He received an award, and when he was on the podium, he said, I would like to thank the friends who are no longer my friends.
34:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You abandoned ship, you walked away, or betrayal, whatever the cause was,
34:23
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank you for that because now that things are happening a certain way, again, again, it's bright.
34:32
[SPEAKER_02]: I thank God that you're not here to experience these things because you perhaps were here for the wrong reason or your season may have even played out.
34:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever the case is, perhaps if this would have taken off in the moment, you would have
34:52
[SPEAKER_02]: The second thing was I saw a clip you posted the other day that said a change is happening a shift is happening and acknowledging hey the people that are tied to the shift right now I'm excited let's go that was motivating to me as well the third thing which ties
35:19
[SPEAKER_02]: Um, my wife and a close friend of hers were having a conversation about a clip or real or something that they saw I guess has been discussed or debated on social media right now.
35:40
[SPEAKER_02]: What I got from that is, everyone harps on my day once, my day once, these, from back in the mud and when we were, and we came through together, and we went through so much together, I'm never going to discredit that, because I have those as well.
35:54
[SPEAKER_02]: I have those brothers and those relationships.
35:57
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't think enough importance is, it's, it's shown towards your day twos as they call it.
36:05
[SPEAKER_02]: And some people don't understand why that is.
36:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Like why am I much closer to people that I have less time with?
36:14
[SPEAKER_02]: Easy, in my opinion, I've evolved.
36:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm more aware of who I am as an adult and as who, you know, when I'm aspiring to be and do what the rest of my life.
36:27
[SPEAKER_02]: So now the people that are attracted to the current version of me.
36:31
[SPEAKER_02]: they're going to resonate more with who I am and where I'm headed because that's my current understanding and energy.
36:40
[SPEAKER_02]: You were here by default to an extent, not discrediting.
36:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't ever want that to be the tone, but perhaps we've matured differently and our interests aren't
36:56
[SPEAKER_02]: don't feel guilty that someone I've known for five years.
37:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I have a closer tighter bond with than someone that I've known for 30 years.
37:06
[SPEAKER_02]: There's reasons for that and it's rational that it's that way.
37:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
37:10
[SPEAKER_02]: that's not to feel bad, you as the person don't feel bad or guilty or like you're cheating on these relationships or experiences or what's wrong, man, why do I enjoy this or these people or this person more than my day ones and that's not how it's supposed to be.
37:30
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a falsehood.
37:32
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not supposed to be anything except what it is.
37:35
[SPEAKER_02]: You have to be true to yourself
37:40
[SPEAKER_02]: The phase of life you're in, you can absolutely have a tighter bond or connection and beheaded to greater places with people that you've known for a shorter time than someone you've known your entire lifetime.
37:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think I think time is circumstantial.
37:58
[SPEAKER_01]: I got some of you can't control because who you met when you were younger, you weren't there by your decision.
38:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
38:04
[SPEAKER_01]: And it doesn't describe the guys that you'll eventually meet.
38:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I think I said as well, I've known them longer than I had it.
38:13
[SPEAKER_01]: It is like these are 14, 15, and then in some of them go back to five and six, I came in when I came in.
38:19
[SPEAKER_01]: So at depending on perspective, depending on the moment in time, it may seem like that, but over time, we've had experiences, though, that created them on like that.
38:31
[SPEAKER_01]: People that I was only spent a year with in our right.
38:35
[SPEAKER_01]: But we were in our, this is some different about running to a bunker with somebody, then maybe writing it, but I don't know, you know, said like, it that stage of life, maybe it had this, maybe I should say different, maybe it had the same weight for that year, because of how significant the experiences were in that concentrated amount of time, this somebody you had.
39:01
[SPEAKER_01]: every day experience with for longer period of time.
39:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So you got that bond of time, but some things, like some situations, some experiences forge a deeper relationship.
39:13
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, we even know each other for six years.
39:18
[SPEAKER_01]: It went y'all like when you meet them and Amy too, they're all young.
39:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I mean, some of them, some of them can see it through this.
39:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, but it's like, I think I mentioned this before,
39:32
[SPEAKER_01]: like all this brother brother you might like I consider how that stacks up to like the people that have it.
39:42
[SPEAKER_01]: So why everybody that I've known for a long time we didn't remain as close and that's another thing like it's that's just life.
39:48
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, it is.
39:49
[SPEAKER_01]: There are people from high school that will always be cool and cordial, but it's clear that we're not on the same thing.
39:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay.
39:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And I love them for you.
40:00
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that you love things that I don't love.
40:02
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm super, I'm super good.
40:05
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm super good with that.
40:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
40:07
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's one thing that is interesting to watch our children now.
40:14
[SPEAKER_01]: No, especially having a different phase of life, you know, some do a dog, some entering a dog who, you know, taking ages, we have all team will.
40:25
[SPEAKER_01]: a young son's 13 next year, I think that came up before, but just how their experiences are shaping who I think is going to be around, right?
40:35
[SPEAKER_01]: Some of it, sometimes I'm overly dismissive of a thing because I'm like, they're not going.
40:43
[SPEAKER_01]: They're right now, they're right now, but as they're going through it, I mean you probably can tell me that about some people.
40:51
[SPEAKER_01]: in that moment that, you know, they won't be around for for a long time, but yeah, I'm super cool with the ones that our paths have had enough commonalities for us to stay connected.
41:06
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, because that's typically what it is.
41:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Like I don't I don't have any that I know of like significant falling outs, right, where it's like then I lost the
41:20
[SPEAKER_01]: Especially now looking back may be earlier on if I, you know, lost the connection with somebody.
41:28
[SPEAKER_01]: If it felt a little more, uh, significant than it really was in the grand scheme of things, right?
41:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't really had any, uh, uh, I can't.
41:38
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't think of a significant fallout.
41:41
[SPEAKER_02]: No, like, erasing out a couple of head bumps.
41:44
[SPEAKER_02]: But we, we circle back around.
41:46
[SPEAKER_02]: That's a relationship.
41:47
[SPEAKER_02]: Correct.
41:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Like, I don't have, I don't, I've said it before, I don't, I don't even have enemies, I just, I don't get on my way.
41:55
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
41:56
[SPEAKER_02]: Now, if it's one side, that's, that's, that's all you, that's your problem.
42:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I, that doesn't exist to me.
42:02
[SPEAKER_02]: But I don't know anyone where we mutually feel like, man, I can't be his boy.
42:09
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't.
42:14
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm trying to think of the time where I actually, with that was actually a part of my life, what I'm concerned about seeing somebody.
42:21
[SPEAKER_01]: Like before I think happened, they've been telling the things that happened like in the moment, feeling like I can't go somewhere or if I go somewhere on site, like a person.
42:34
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know, I don't know.
42:36
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't feel that way by me, jump to the comments.
42:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It'd be cool if you'd be fun and no nail.
42:40
[SPEAKER_01]: But I don't know, and it's,
42:45
[SPEAKER_01]: County is to have to have a problem that I'm going to go study and figure out how to do something about it later.
42:52
[SPEAKER_01]: A physical disdain like if if the hands find that they fly nail, but
42:59
[SPEAKER_02]: You did something in the moment like if it if it go to that you did something in the moment that pushed that situation there Like I'm not walking around with a chip or a girl is like man, if I see this this boy right here I don't put my hands on could.
43:14
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't I don't add it.
43:15
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't I just don't really show that way about me I like to know because But in my next book some you said That I want parents to pay attention to as well Because I'm I'm guilty
43:29
[SPEAKER_02]: your children are are learning themselves.
43:33
[SPEAKER_02]: They're moving around.
43:33
[SPEAKER_02]: They're meeting people their network and they're finding their tribe.
43:37
[SPEAKER_02]: They're their friends.
43:39
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm going to be long-term.
43:40
[SPEAKER_02]: So I'm going to be short.
43:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
43:44
[SPEAKER_02]: I've been dismissive not physically because obviously you don't want to mistreat you children.
43:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And then I didn't feel a bad way about a kid.
43:58
[SPEAKER_02]: It's not going to be as part.
43:59
[SPEAKER_02]: No, man, I'm not worried about that.
44:02
[SPEAKER_02]: And years later, they called, they still called.
44:08
[SPEAKER_02]: And so I was, I want to be more aware in the moment of,
44:15
[SPEAKER_02]: Just having a blank slate when you meet people, when you're choosing or introducing you to their friends or classmates or something like that, keeping open mind, be mindful of what you say to them about the kid, because then if that comes up and you end up loving the kid, the guilt, or you feel bad, or if your kid's slipping, say that in front of this
44:41
[SPEAKER_02]: and they end up being long-term friends, and that is key to never get out of their mind.
44:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, man, I remember your dad thought I was worthless or deadbeat.
44:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Whatever you could have said, I don't know.
44:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Just be more open-minded towards and receptive of your children finding their way in relationships.
45:05
[SPEAKER_02]: eventually gets to even even dating, like intimate relationship, intimate men and getting together and talking about.
45:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:14
[SPEAKER_02]: So being, because, because but listen, it's easy because what I have big grown ages, I'm looking
45:30
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't know that yet.
45:31
[SPEAKER_02]: There could be signs about the city.
45:33
[SPEAKER_02]: There could be signs and you, it's valid.
45:35
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
45:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Careful how you treated, though, because maybe that young man or young lady is still impressionable, though, yeah.
45:42
[SPEAKER_02]: And it's not a lost cause.
45:44
[SPEAKER_02]: And your positivity or your interaction is what's lacking on me because they're not getting it at home, right?
45:49
[SPEAKER_02]: So nice.
45:50
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, your son bring this young man around.
45:53
[SPEAKER_02]: That's your opportunity to say, hey, come talk to me, young man.
45:57
[SPEAKER_02]: And make a connection with him.
46:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I ain't never really talk to an adult like this or a man.
46:03
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm glad you said that.
46:04
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's say adults always talk down or throw commands and demands on you.
46:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Nobody ever acknowledged you as a human being.
46:12
[SPEAKER_02]: Because that's a real thing.
46:14
[SPEAKER_02]: My wife was talking about someone for her childhood yesterday a lady and she said, the biggest thing that stood out to her, she was like, she was the first person in my mind.
46:26
[SPEAKER_02]: that acknowledged me as a person and put in to me.
46:31
[SPEAKER_02]: I was a key.
46:32
[SPEAKER_02]: It seems like I was 10, 12 years old.
46:36
[SPEAKER_02]: Everybody talked over children, especially in that era.
46:41
[SPEAKER_02]: You're a child.
46:44
[SPEAKER_02]: dismissive.
46:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Actually, no, no, no, no.
46:47
[SPEAKER_02]: What you got going on, young person, what are you into?
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: What you got to do in school?
46:50
[SPEAKER_02]: What are you doing in school right now?
46:52
[SPEAKER_02]: What's all working on?
46:54
[SPEAKER_02]: And actually having engaged in conversation, not just to check a box.
46:58
[SPEAKER_02]: Children never forget that.
47:00
[SPEAKER_02]: They don't know.
47:01
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care what kind of trouble they're into, or if they're a quote unquote trouble maker, they never forget.
47:08
[SPEAKER_02]: especially when the world is dismissive.
47:11
[SPEAKER_02]: They never forget who actually locked the end, checked the end.
47:15
[SPEAKER_02]: And was actually listening to the responses, not just saying high school, school, good, that's good.
47:21
[SPEAKER_02]: Not what you mean good, like what you're all doing, what you're all working on.
47:24
[SPEAKER_02]: And then you share stories with them.
47:26
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, I remember that, I have a story about that and not to dominate the conversation, but encourage them to open up more.
47:34
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, that just happened to me as I'm learning that as well.
47:38
[SPEAKER_02]: actual quality interaction.
47:41
[SPEAKER_02]: They'll never forget that in their lives.
47:44
[SPEAKER_01]: I've had to get better over that.
47:45
[SPEAKER_01]: I probably have some, I definitely have some room to grow, because I'll see a characteristic and I'll pass judgment on it.
47:54
[SPEAKER_01]: Especially if it's a young man and my daughter, because I'm I'm done.
47:57
[SPEAKER_01]: Took a day, I'll protect it with my daughters.
48:01
[SPEAKER_01]: But sometimes,
48:04
[SPEAKER_01]: If it's glaring, it's glaring, right?
48:06
[SPEAKER_01]: And I gotta address like, why is my door to why is my son overlooking these things?
48:09
[SPEAKER_01]: But if it's a thing that I can see because of my experience that they haven't had the experience of, yeah, I'm judging them and the friend that they board around and I'm also teaching them to be dismissive of people without actually understanding, right?
48:24
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm holding them to a standard that has been communicated or that they've never been
48:30
[SPEAKER_01]: shown how the countable to, you're right, that's an opportunity to understand at least, like, walking in my house and I speak to me.
48:43
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, I'm really, I'm really, 9.5, y'all can see up out of 8.
48:52
[SPEAKER_01]: But we had a now-per-5 out of skill at 8 at that point.
48:58
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes that hasn't been a standard that's been taught to them sometimes they're nervous.
49:04
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes my demeanor is like, and I'm not even aware of it.
49:08
[SPEAKER_01]: Sometimes you're saying, sometimes my demeanor is like, don't talk to me or you don't want to say the wrong thing.
49:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So you say nothing.
49:17
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
49:18
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've had that feedback like they didn't know to, I mean, you kind of looked at them like, in my mind, I'm already because of how
49:29
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm coming in.
49:30
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm coming in, if I'm speaking, thanking you for letting me in, you're like, that's what I'm not necessarily saying.
49:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you for letting me in.
49:36
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
49:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
49:37
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
49:37
[SPEAKER_01]: But that's the courage and respect I'm acknowledging that I'm in your house and I tease my children to do the same.
49:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So when somebody walks in, it has been taught that
49:47
[SPEAKER_01]: In my mind, I'm already like, oh, you bad stock.
49:49
[SPEAKER_01]: This is like this, this is never going to work.
49:51
[SPEAKER_01]: But it could be an opportunity because like there could be some other qualities that are redeeming that that one thing really wasn't worth cutting them off.
50:01
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I have to get better it to hate, uh, son, though, whatever.
50:07
[SPEAKER_01]: Like just my expectation man, when you come here, not have to do that with them.
50:10
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, hey, my expectation that you pick my daughter up from the door and drop off at the door.
50:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, if you outside beeping pull off, I'm coming up, right, unless your man's to coordinate the do the same.
50:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, yeah, the job you playing the games with, but I don't have no your duty stop at the door, right, and it that's not cool with you.
50:35
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, right, if I'm open, if she's being defined and decides to meet you somewhere else, I understand that, all right, I'm not silly, right, right, but you're not going to come to my house to pick up my daughter while she's at my house from your car, right, certainly.
50:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And that's really, that's a really sketch, but yeah, yeah, like, you typically, if a young man walks in my house, and he is on that,
50:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I walk right up to them, reach out, shake his hand, and I look at them in his eyes.
51:04
[SPEAKER_02]: How you doing young man?
51:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Good to meet you.
51:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm Mr. Johnson, what's your name?
51:11
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm trying to show you, this is the expectation moving forward.
51:15
[SPEAKER_02]: That's really good.
51:16
[SPEAKER_02]: I don't care where you go.
51:17
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the expectation, because at the end of it, now that they exchange it, they'll start smiling and they know I'm their lab.
51:23
[SPEAKER_02]: How you doing, Mr. Johnson, I'm so and so.
51:25
[SPEAKER_02]: Good to meet you young man.
51:28
[SPEAKER_02]: You see what I just did?
51:30
[SPEAKER_02]: And they're like, yes, sir.
51:32
[SPEAKER_02]: This is how you present yourself in a home or business or a setting that makes sense to you.
51:38
[SPEAKER_02]: Yes, sir.
51:40
[SPEAKER_02]: slap on the shoulder, because now it's how you do it as well, because now if you as wrong as I feel that could be, if I pop off, I mean, you're walking nobody house and that's what's playing in my head from the jump.
51:57
[SPEAKER_01]: And now in his mind, he's two steps in, right?
51:59
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm all this expecting like, where's your father?
52:02
[SPEAKER_01]: If you don't see me, I expect to hear where's your father?
52:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Because I feel like if you
52:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't feel comfortable with that's a problem because it's not about your comfort.
52:15
[SPEAKER_02]: The standard is a standard, or perhaps you just haven't seen it haven't been shown.
52:22
[SPEAKER_02]: And so it's the thing, I even do it at Lester's house, like, because you know, they all daughter's young man come over, those are already laughing because they know what I'm about to do.
52:35
[SPEAKER_02]: I walk right up to the young man.
52:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey, man, you've been in here about five minutes, man.
52:39
[SPEAKER_02]: I saw you speak to the man of the house, but there was all the men in there.
52:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Are you doing young men?
52:42
[SPEAKER_02]: What's your name?
52:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Same.
52:44
[SPEAKER_02]: So now, whenever they come over, if it's a repeat visitor.
52:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
52:51
[SPEAKER_02]: It's warming to see, we laugh about it, but it's also a lesson learned.
52:57
[SPEAKER_02]: They walk in and they come in and they come straight to me smiling.
53:01
[SPEAKER_02]: How you doing, Mr. Johnson?
53:02
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm such a source, so again, good to see you again.
53:05
[SPEAKER_02]: Good job, young man.
53:06
[SPEAKER_02]: I didn't even have to say no to you this time.
53:08
[SPEAKER_02]: I liked that because it shows growth.
53:11
[SPEAKER_02]: It shows a connection was made and now perhaps.
53:15
[SPEAKER_02]: you will present yourself in a way that you're not prejudiced somewhere because you will sell yourself short.
53:20
[SPEAKER_02]: And I'll talk to my sons about that a lot.
53:23
[SPEAKER_02]: You can have the most admirable qualities on the planet.
53:27
[SPEAKER_02]: But if you don't know how to properly present them, you're initial interaction or meeting that first impression is just that.
53:36
[SPEAKER_02]: That's their first impression.
53:37
[SPEAKER_01]: And sometimes it happens before you even in speaking distance.
53:42
[SPEAKER_01]: I'll watch you walk up for me to find that.
53:45
[SPEAKER_01]: But in life, you're like, don't get that mess happen.
53:48
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, as you walk in the world, the world does it.
53:52
[SPEAKER_02]: You walk up and you could never weigh your pants falling down.
53:57
[SPEAKER_00]: Today, today, I forgot my belt.
54:03
[SPEAKER_02]: And you hop out that car and you walk into the store to go buy a belt and your pants falling and you hold in them up.
54:11
[SPEAKER_02]: Perspecting for this whole episode is about perspective and the other side of the corn.
54:16
[SPEAKER_02]: Two things, the side of the corn from this young man is, okay, let me make sure I'm not presenting myself that way if that's what the case is, running here, getting me a belt, get myself together.
54:29
[SPEAKER_02]: the perspective of the adult, looking on, look at this.
54:32
[SPEAKER_02]: See, that's what I'm talking about.
54:33
[SPEAKER_02]: This is actually what I'm talking about about these things.
54:36
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to be on the belt.
54:36
[SPEAKER_01]: He wouldn't have the whole thing.
54:37
[SPEAKER_02]: If he had on a belt, he wouldn't have the, because you've seen it.
54:41
[SPEAKER_02]: So you're conditioned that once you see that, I've already made the determinant, the determination, that's who you are.
54:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Same thing.
54:49
[SPEAKER_02]: I talked to myself about grooming.
54:52
[SPEAKER_02]: Your hair, your beard, facial hair, your presentation.
54:56
[SPEAKER_02]: There are all days, the phase of your life you're in right now, you can have too many off days.
55:05
[SPEAKER_02]: You don't have the luxury because you're constantly meeting opportunities.
55:10
[SPEAKER_02]: You should be everywhere you go.
55:15
[SPEAKER_02]: You're possibly meeting someone that's could change your life.
55:19
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm
55:24
[SPEAKER_02]: What is the baitable too, though?
55:26
[SPEAKER_01]: That's actually the baitable because the circles we traveling in, you're a bad case for you.
55:31
[SPEAKER_01]: That case is an example, in case 30 seconds.
55:33
[SPEAKER_01]: That's what I got to retract that typically an older man is I already kind of what he's doing.
55:41
[SPEAKER_02]: You know what I mean?
55:42
[SPEAKER_02]: So, but young men, young women.
55:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Let's train our young men and women to always stay on the ready that whole if you stay ready you don't have to get ready as a real thing.
55:53
[SPEAKER_01]: If you constantly carrying yourself a particular way you never know who you stand the next two men and I see that too.
56:02
[SPEAKER_01]: So as much as I see the one side I see the other side of that.
56:06
[SPEAKER_02]: Especially corporate like I I see more Redeeming qualities in which you don't say then what you've prepared to walk in my office until yes I'm I'm what's all you are really I got I like it You're I I'm so don't you are ready for you and get in here pretty much just don't come in here mess it up pretty much I've been watching you I saw your word ethic Your productivity the end we suppose being you yeah, you know me reliable
56:33
[SPEAKER_02]: You haven't done anything for your name.
56:34
[SPEAKER_02]: The negative leave hit my desk.
56:36
[SPEAKER_02]: You see what I mean, I love you.
56:39
[SPEAKER_02]: Keep doing what you do.
56:40
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
56:41
[SPEAKER_02]: Keep doing what you do.
56:42
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
56:43
[SPEAKER_02]: Before we go too far, I want to interject a little bit.
56:46
[SPEAKER_02]: Two things.
56:47
[SPEAKER_02]: One, light shit and subscribe.
56:50
[SPEAKER_02]: And two, I'd be...
56:54
[SPEAKER_02]: remiss if you will.
56:56
[SPEAKER_02]: If I didn't, I would just cash me in cocktails.
57:01
[SPEAKER_02]: Love Kisha J studios, but there's also isn't a love Kisha J house.
57:05
[SPEAKER_01]: And how, how some LKJ house of LKJ.
57:09
[SPEAKER_01]: To be certain is linked below.
57:10
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm gonna get it right.
57:12
[SPEAKER_01]: The first time at some point.
57:14
[SPEAKER_01]: But love, love on the school Kisha J for certain on our IG.
57:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Listen, I kid you not.
57:20
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm not just saying this because it's here.
57:25
[SPEAKER_02]: That was good.
57:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, that's good This cash mirror cartel.
57:31
[SPEAKER_01]: She she got one is uh it's more masses love it love it in
57:37
[SPEAKER_02]: Man, I don't want to put you in, but it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it
58:03
[SPEAKER_02]: You can't love something not supported and then complain when it's no longer available.
58:07
[SPEAKER_02]: It was a way.
58:08
[SPEAKER_01]: The two don't go together and she lost her physical store and not because of her door, but because of the, so she, she was one of many stores and a bigger space.
58:22
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, they all least a space within that space.
58:26
[SPEAKER_01]: The company that was managing the bigger space.
58:29
[SPEAKER_01]: or the idea of that closed the store.
58:33
[SPEAKER_01]: So it wasn't anything that her or any of the other store owners did, right?
58:37
[SPEAKER_01]: It literally came in one day or got to email and say hey, can get your stuff, we are closing.
58:43
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's been a little bit of a blow to her arm.
58:46
[SPEAKER_01]: to her belief.
58:47
[SPEAKER_01]: That's just they have to, it's just been a blow.
58:50
[SPEAKER_01]: I guess she still believes in the product.
58:51
[SPEAKER_01]: We believe in the product heavily.
58:53
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes, but it was, it felt like such a jump to be in a storefront because that's what people ask before she does really well at bending events.
59:03
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:04
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you see it, you know, it's kind of hard to understand why Kendall is great online.
59:10
[SPEAKER_01]: But he is, because that's one you got to smell it.
59:14
[SPEAKER_01]: Like it grabs you.
59:15
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:16
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's different.
59:16
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:17
[SPEAKER_01]: So can't those room sprays?
59:18
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:19
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, the floor's sprinkler.
59:21
[SPEAKER_01]: I need to stop which way.
59:22
[SPEAKER_01]: The floor about it.
59:24
[SPEAKER_01]: How to first for your floors?
59:26
[SPEAKER_01]: Sprinkle stuff.
59:27
[SPEAKER_01]: Got that too.
59:29
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, but jewelry.
59:31
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:32
[SPEAKER_01]: All the stuff.
59:33
[SPEAKER_01]: All the things as you would say.
59:35
[SPEAKER_01]: All the things.
59:37
[SPEAKER_02]: So what's your got for the good people man?
59:39
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm glad we did this as I always am.
59:42
[SPEAKER_00]: I was Yeah, I was a allowing
59:51
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, circumstances to get to me.
59:55
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
59:56
[SPEAKER_01]: And not even in the, not even the bad way.
59:58
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just, uh, man, just let me, let me breathe.
1:00:02
[SPEAKER_01]: Let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me, let me,
1:00:19
[SPEAKER_02]: talk ourselves, not necessarily off the cliff, just away from the edge of it.
1:00:24
[SPEAKER_02]: I could stay up here.
1:00:27
[SPEAKER_02]: I just want to change my view.
1:00:29
[SPEAKER_02]: That's how.
1:00:30
[SPEAKER_02]: So be intentional people, be mindful, time stand, and I always remember that yourself at Wood Coast.
1:00:38
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the this on network.
1:00:40
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the this on podcast.
1:00:42
[SPEAKER_02]: This is the this on show.
1:00:45
[SPEAKER_02]: Stay tuned for two men to grow on me and having a conversation.
1:00:49
[SPEAKER_02]: Stay tuned for hey.
1:00:51
[SPEAKER_02]: Hey man, I'm about to get it from Apple.
1:00:53
[SPEAKER_02]: He'll be back for the Monday.
1:00:54
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:00:56
[SPEAKER_02]: I brother me back from the Monday soon.
1:00:58
[SPEAKER_02]: I'm about to go park at DFW.
1:00:59
[SPEAKER_02]: I hit him.
1:01:00
[SPEAKER_02]: I said, and when you coming back to America, brother.
1:01:02
[SPEAKER_02]: Yeah.
1:01:03
[SPEAKER_02]: So on that note, that's better together.
1:01:06
[SPEAKER_02]: The better together.
1:01:08
[SPEAKER_02]: Great movement, great support.
1:01:09
[SPEAKER_02]: Thank y'all for that, man.
1:01:10
[SPEAKER_02]: This is, people are reaching out saying that they truly enjoy these conversations, these interactions, these perspectives.
1:01:18
[SPEAKER_02]: Not enough men are having transparent conversations without regard to, well, if I can't say this, because the people are going to
1:01:31
[SPEAKER_02]: It is what it is you like it or you don't not to be arrogant, but I can't let a stranger's opinion mold the vision all the purpose and I can't I can't edit my paths for your comfort.
1:01:44
[SPEAKER_01]: No, we speak it from the experience so if the experience was uncomfortable for you listening it probably was uncomfortable for me in it imagine me living it right as you sit your perfect