Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Remembering what you went through with a narcissist

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Remembering what you went through with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how remembering what you
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  went through with a narcissist can change you, or it can
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  trigger you just how it can. It can set you off at any moment
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  in time. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So, boom, Welcome back, welcome
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  back. Welcome back, folks.
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  Yes, absolutely. Yes, positively.
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  Rootin, Tootin Lee tutti bootini Tutti bootini.
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  Remembering what you did, what they did to you.
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  I mean also how it can help you. You know how remembering what
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  they did to you not only can be triggering to you, but it can
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  also help you sometimes as well. You know, I talk to a lot of
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  people. Y'all just just me being
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  realistic. I have a support group.
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  I talk to a lot of people. I do one on ones.
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  I talk to a lot of people. I people share their stories
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  with me on in real life, as well as some of my workshops.
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  I've heard so many things about people when it popped into their
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  head of what the narcissistic person did to them, they it it
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  can get you feeling so bad. Like a person in my support
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  group wrote. This is like, I hate the
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  memories that I've forgotten, you know?
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  Because when you get out of a toxic relationship, sometimes
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  something minor can trigger a huge reaction from you.
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  Like a name, a smell, a a a taste, a location, something can
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  trigger you. Some music, something can
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  trigger you into remembering what you went through, you know?
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  It can be something small, like a song, a verse in the song, and
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  you it. It triggers a memory of the time
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  that they put their hands on you or time that they were cheating
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  on you or whatever. Like your body keeps your memory
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  out of the body, keeps the score, like you remember it
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  without remembering it. Like a lot of times when you go
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  through trauma, your body, your body really does block it out.
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  Your body blocks out certain memories, so you don't remember
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  it because it causes you pain. But a lot of times those
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  memories like they trigger like it's the key, Like that small
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  real life trigger is the key that opens up the lock for their
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  memory to come to release, for their memory to escape.
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  It's like a little penitentiary or what not.
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  That happens all the time. You know.
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  Remembering what you went through is going to make you
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  feel a certain type of way. It can.
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  It literally can't. Like I said, the woman is in the
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  support group. She's like, yeah, I remember
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  what I went through and it made me feel so stupid that I missed
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  all the red flags. It made me feel so dumb of what
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  I let them get away with. It made me feel so sick to.
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  It made me feel sick to my stomach about what I went
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  through. Pardon the Interruption.
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  Just wanted to make sure that you were subscribed to the
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  channel. If you have to hit that
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  subscribe button right now and make sure to turn on
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  notifications so you don't miss any uploads.
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  Help me reach more people. And back to the video and it
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  sucks. And I told her, and you know,
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  again, I told her and a lot of other people in this work group
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  told her just like, hey, we all did.
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  You know, narcissistic people are, are human, are literally
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  the embodiment of, like, literally con artists.
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  They're they're human performers.
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  They're like, a lot of narcissists are like aliens.
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  You know, they're still people, but they're like aliens.
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  They're good at pretending. They're good at giving you what
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  you want and need. They're good at tricking you
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  into thinking things are your fault.
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  I can't believe that they I let them commit, convince me that
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  them cheating on me was my fault.
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  I cannot believe I let them put them put up with that.
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  I cannot believe I let them talk me into having a one sided open
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  relationship where they can go out there and do anything they
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  want to do and cheat and make babies and stuff like that.
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  But when I thought about doing something, I was the whore
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  Babylon. I was a dirty, I was The Dirty
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  bastard something. Whatever they said, you know,
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  they put me down. They made me feel a certain type
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  of way about myself. They stripped me.
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  I can't believe I let them strip me about humanity.
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  You feel it. It's understandable that you
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  feel that way. Y'all you are a human being.
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  They stripped you of your humanity.
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  You should feel a certain type of way.
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  Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you feel a certain
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  type of way when somebody strips you of you, of your humanity,
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  you know? So that's what I'm saying right
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  now. You have to keep empowering
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  yourself. Those memories are going to
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  come. Prepare for it.
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  Release them. Release the crack in sometimes.
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  Sometimes it helps to meditate and get it out of your system or
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  in the beast somewhere safe where you can release it slow by
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  piece by piece. You know, because it remember
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  what you went through. Like you could be.
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  You could be moved on in a new relationship or trying to get
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  back out there and guess what? A memory pops up.
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  It makes you feel that feel like something this person does.
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  This new person who you might feel safe with right now reminds
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  you of your ex and now you don't trust them anymore.
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  Now you look at them differently.
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  They didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes it just triggers a
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  memory. Those memories can hurt you.
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  Yeah, they can make you feel a certain type of way.
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  This is worth forgiving yourself comes into play.
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  This is worth forgiving yourself comes into play right here.
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  I tell people to give yourself some space and some grace from
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  the situation. Right.
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  Some space and some grace to to allow yourself to this.
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  The space to heal and the grace to forgive yourself what you did
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  not know. Because when you wake up, when
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  those memories start hitting you back-to-back to back-to-back to
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  back, you going to need some space.
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  Sometimes you're going to want to punch something.
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  Sometimes you're going to throw something.
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  Sometimes you want to yell and scream.
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  Sometimes it's good to scream. Yeah, if you if you get a
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  pillow, scream into that pillow, punch that pillow couple times
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  get it out of your system. Don't bury it down.
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  Because you when you push it back down, it's kind of like the
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  when you push things back down, sometimes you spring loading
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  them. You've repressed a memory or you
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  push it back down you. Sometimes you're not burying it.
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  You put your you're setting the spraying loaded trap and it's
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  going to pop up even bigger next time.
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  It's going to pop up bigger next time.
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  It's going to hurt you more. So forgive yourself.
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  What you did not know, you know now you watching this video, You
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  know now it won't happen again. You know now it's time to keep
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  waking up. It's time to stay woke.
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  Stay woke. I know people don't repurpose
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  the word woke, and there's some stupid but stay woke.
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  In these situations, you don't want to be sleep, do you?
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  Don't be. Still want to sleep through it?
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  No, stay woke. It's time to empower yourself to
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  keep moving forward. Forgive yourself what you did
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  not know. Give yourself some space from
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  the situation, even if you're still in it.
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  Because a lot of people wake up, get have to start having these
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  memories, have to start having these triggers while you're
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  still with the person. Why are you still involved with
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  the person you know? It makes you not look at the
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  person the same way. And that's, yeah, that's not
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  necessarily a bad thing, to look at this person differently.
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  You know, to paint this person, to see this person in the
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  correct light as they're supposed to be seeing it.
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  Like you're seeing them in this type of light right here.
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  You're seeing them in this type of light when you should be
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  seeing them, you know and you should be seeing them in this
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  type of light. You see them in the other light.
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  You should be seeing them in the in the right type of light.
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  Make sure you see them for who they are because they helps you
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  heal in the long run. You know, remember what you went
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  through. But I also say remember what you
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  went through when you while you still in the relationship or
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  getting out of the relationship can help you heal in a different
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  way because it can help you stay away.
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  It can help you stay away. Yes, remembering what you went
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  through can trigger some some nasty responses.
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  It can set you set you set set off your PTSD or your C PTSD.
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  It can trigger you to go into defense mode, right?
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  But remembering what you went through can also help you
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  understand you not go back. Write this type of stuff down.
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  When you have a triggering moment, write it down.
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  Get this journal. I'm not telling you to write a
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  book, but you can write your little You can write some stuff
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  down to help you heal, to help you grow.
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  Get it out of your system, write it down, write down all the If
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  you have a horrible memory, write it down.
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  So did you know if this person reaches out to you or this
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  person comes back saying I change?
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  Read the stuff that you wrote down.
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  Read the stuff there that you wrote down.
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  Read it because in the in the end of the day, it can help me
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  more than it can hurt you. You know you're the repurpose
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  it. Reframe it.
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  Y'all know I'm out. Y'all y'all y'all y'all been
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  following me long enough. Y'all know I'm huge on reframing
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  what you went through. Reframing your experiences,
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  reframing your healing, because this can help you grow in more
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  ways than not, you know. So writing down what you went
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  through, remembering what you went through can help you not go
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  back. When you have those triggering
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  moments, when you have those things that trigger you or set
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  you off to make you cry, write it down.
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  Because remembering it, yeah, it's going to hurt, but it can
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  also help heal because you can keep you from going back and
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  adding to more hurt, adding more hurt.
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  Very rarely I would be real with you.
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  I've talked to thousands of people over the last few years.
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  Very rarely do I ever hear a story And somebody's like, well,
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  Lee, they abused me viciously and I gave them another chance
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  and things are all better now. We're good.
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  I I I don't think I've heard that story before.
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  I don't think I've heard. I really don't think I've ever
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  heard this story before. Y'all again.
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  This is over three 3 / 3 years of doing this.
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  I haven't heard that story yet. Things got better.
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  You know, I haven't heard somebody talk, Talk to me.
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  I mean, this story could exist, but when you talk, people talk
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  to me. I very rarely.
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  I don't think I've heard this. So I might have heard it, but I
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  don't remember it. You'll say I don't remember it.
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  I buried the memory down deep though.
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  There, but this is what I'm telling you.
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  Y'all remembering what you went through.
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  It's going to hurt you. It really can't hurt you because
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  it's going to trigger things that you might feel like you
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  allowed to happen. You're like, damn, can't we live
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  out louder to happen? Can't believe I allowed them to
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  come back to my house. I can't really allow them to
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  drive my car again after they went over there and, you know,
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  bang somebody, bang somebody else in the back seat of my car.
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  You know, I can't believe I let them have a baby outside the
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  relationship and stay with this person and helping them raise
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  this affair baby, you know, I can't believe this.
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  I can't believe they had a baby with someone else while with
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  them and now they I got to help nurture this baby.
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  That's not my y'all. I'm just telling you in this
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  space right here, remembering what they did can help you keep
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  this person, keep seeing this person in the light that they're
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  supposed to be seeing in and not some glamorized light, some
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  opaque light. No, You need to see them for who
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  they really are. Because it's this.
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  What? Remember.
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  Yeah, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt sometimes.
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  It's going to trigger you sometimes.
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  But in the end, they can help more than it hurts.
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  It really can't help more than it hurts.
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  And that's why I'm just. I'm rooting for y'all to be as
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  safe and as strong as you possibly can.
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  Because the memories are going to suck sometimes.
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  Y'all the memories are going to suck sometimes.
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  You're going to have good memories here and there too.
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  But the memories that hurt you, they're going to hurt.
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  You know, the memories that hurt you, They're going to sting.
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  They're going to hurt. They're going to make you feel
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  horrible about yourself. But that's what growth is all
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  about. Y'all.
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  So I hope this video bunches some clarity.
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  I hope it bunches some more peace and whatnot, because I
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  know I understand going through this type of stuff can hurt you.
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  It can feel you. You feel like it's can, it can
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  set you back for a long time. But again, you're spraying
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  loaded. You're spraying loaded too.
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  Sometimes you got to go down before you can jump up higher,
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  you know, you got to. Sometimes you got to take a few
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  steps back in order to get a running start.
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  To jump over the crevice, to jump over the hole, to jump over
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  the Canyon, right. But anyways, y'all hope y'all
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  put in some clarity. Hope you butcher some peace.
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  I appreciate every single one of y'all and as always, y'all.
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  As always. Mr. Hood, Mr. Hood, this is out
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  peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
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  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel helps.
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  Reach more people and click on the screen to watch another
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  video or to browse through another playlist.
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  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
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  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.