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Chapter Four: When Diagnosis Shifts a Marriage · HAVE FAITH LET IT BEGIN®

• 0:05
  Welcome to Have Faith, Let It Begin. This is Ariel Santana.
• 0:09
  Can you believe I'm seven years old already? I'm old enough now to introduce my dad.
• 0:15
  Ladies and gentlemen, your host, my dad, Angel Santana.
• 0:22
  Two thousand came and the spark was lit. A testimony raw, it wouldn't quit.
• 0:27
  It's mother's voice, a guiding thread.
• 0:55
  Hello, everyone, and welcome back to Have Faith, Let It Begin on this series as we talk about autism.
• 1:00
  This is chapter four, The Strain We Don't Talk About.
• 1:04
  This is a very difficult topic and a very difficult discussion we need to have.
• 1:10
  So today I want to talk to you about something that doesn't get talked about enough.
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  What that is, is what is the journey that you are going through when you have
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  been given a diagnosis, when you're trying to reinvent,
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  not reinvent, but create a better environment for your son or daughter,
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  and what this journey can do to your marriage.
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  Because when everything starts changing, when routines shift,
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  appointments increase, emotions get high, it doesn't just affect you as a parent,
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  it affects you as a husband, as a wife, as a team.
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  And I remember realizing we were
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  both going through some of the same situations, but not in the same way.
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  That part caught me off guard, because you assume we're feeling the same thing,
• 2:01
  thinking the same way, processing it the same, but that's not always true.
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  One of you might want to talk it out a little bit.
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  The other might go quiet. One may jump into research.
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  The other might just try to get through the day.
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  And one may rely on faith. The others just rely on science.
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  And neither one is wrong, but it can feel like you're not on the same page.
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  And that's where the tension can start to creep in.
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  Not because there's a lack of love, but because there's a lot of...
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  There's just a lot being carried and not always expressed the same way.
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  There were moments where we had to stop and realize, wait, we're not against each other.
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  We're just tired. We're overwhelmed.
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  We're trying to figure this out. And that became a turning point,
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  choosing to stay connected, even when it would have been easier to shut down,
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  choosing to listen even when we didn't
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  fully understand each other's in the
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  moment also not allowing the
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  other parts of families to get involved and get into
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  your head and start to tell you things that you just don't really need to hear
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  or they try to infiltrate you with ideas of their own and try to tell you how
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  to reinvent the wheel so to speak that's we have to take a pause because at the end of the day,
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  you have to remember that your marriage and your partner both want the same thing.
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  And that's the best for your child, or in my case, the best for my son, our son.
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  And I'll be honest, this is where my faith had to step in yet again,
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  not just for me as a father, but for us as a couple, because we had to trust
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  that God wasn't just guiding us individually.
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  And in my sake, only one of us had that faith.
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  And I knew that he, you know, God was holding our family together,
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  even in the moments where we didn't feel strong, especially when part of us
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  didn't feel that they felt strong enough that God was there.
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  So if you're walking through your journey right now and you're walking through
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  this and it feels like you and your spouse are out of sync, I want you to take
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  a deep breath and say that you're not alone in that.
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  But you have to talk You have to listen You have to give each other grace Because
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  this journey Is not meant to be carried alone It's got to be carried as a family And as a team.
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  So tomorrow Will be chapter 5 We'll conclude this series We're going to talk
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  about something powerful,
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  Letting go of embarrassment And
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  embracing The help that's out there We'll talk more May God be with you.
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  May He shine His light upon you and grant each and every single one of you peace on earth.
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  And never forget, have faith, let it begin.