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MIND GAMES! Narcissists Want You To Contact Them First · The Mental Healness Podcast

• 0:00
  What is going on, beautiful folks?
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  Today we're talking about how narcissistic people want you to
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  be the one that reaches out to them after the breakup happens
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  after the huge after a huge argument, when they giving you
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  the silent treatment, when they just when they get there, I'm
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  going to lose my mind. Yeah.
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  They just want you to want to be 1 of reaches out to them.
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  If you do hear my name is Lee Hammock.
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  I might diagnose narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of the Narcissist Code. Let's get it.
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  Boom. Welcome back, folks.
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  Welcome back. Welcome back.
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  Yeah, Yeah. Yes.
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  Yes, yes, yes. I tell Yeah, Yeah.
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  I keep trying to tell this to people.
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  Narcissistic people. Narcissist like to play games,
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  right? Love it.
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  Even love to play games. So when they love to play games,
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  that means they're, it's always on their mind to do stuff, to
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  try to antagonize you, to try to irritate you, to try to one up
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  you, to try to get the power back, whatever that looks like,
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  right? A lot of manipulative,
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  narcissistic people want you to be the one that reaches out to
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  them after something bad happens.
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  You know, you notice, you notice I said something bad because it
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  doesn't always have to be a breakup.
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  It can be a breakup, but it could be an argument.
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  It could be after you discover something.
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  It could be after something big happens, something a little
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  happens. They like they give you the
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  silence treatment. They just cut off all forms of
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  communication with you and then they just, they, they just be
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  quiet. They just disappear on you.
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  They just ghost you when they're in the same house.
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  They start stonewalling you while y'all are together in the
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  same household and whatnot. They just start doing this type
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  of stuff right here to antagonize you, to mess with you
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  and things like that. So in your mind, in the mind of
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  whoever dealing with this narcissistic person, you might
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  start to feel like you are the problem for some reason, right?
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  You're starting to feel like you are being problematic, like you
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  caused this. Like none of this would be going
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  down or none of this would be happening if it wasn't for
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  something that you yourself have done, which is absolutely mind
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  blowing, mind boggling, mind bottling, mind boggling insane.
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  But they want you to think that, so they'll leave you alone.
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  Yeah, some narcissists will leave you alone, right?
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  Allowing you or sometimes even baiting you, it's not even
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  allowing you. Sometimes they'll allow you to
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  reach out, right? They'll just ghost you and be
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  silent. Sometimes they'll bait you into
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  being the one who talks first. They all hear the same like he,
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  he who talks first loses that type of stuff right there.
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  They'll give you the silent treatment and figure like, OK,
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  you talk to me first. So it's an automatic loss for
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  you, right? You had you talk to me first, so
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  you must understand that you want me more than I want you,
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  that I have the power in this relationship and you don't have
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  any at all. You have very little power.
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  You have very little say, you have very little going on for
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  you within his relationship dynamic.
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  So when as things start to go this way, they try to get you to
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  feel like you are somehow just the issue.
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  They bait you. They might not talk to you, but
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  they'll like a Facebook status. They might not talk to you, but
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  they'll send you a a send you a, a funny TikTok or a funny
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  Instagram reel or something like that, right?
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  They oh, YouTube, sure right. They might not like you.
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  I mean they they might not directly reach out to you or say
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  something to you, but they'll have a family member or a friend
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  do it. They'll have the kids do it
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  right, They'll do it. Yeah.
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  They send the little kids like like messengers.
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  You mean it was what y'all see the movie 300 back in the day
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  when they said like the, the the Persian sent the messenger.
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  He's like Xerxes said you don't submit to me, you see what I'm
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  saying? And they madness, this is
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  Sparta, boom. It kicks them in the well.
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  You don't want to be in there. Be the one that kicks your kids
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  in the well, right? Or kick whoever they send to the
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  well 'cause they send their brother, sister, aunt, cousins,
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  whoever it is to be the ones to get you to reach out to them.
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  Yeah, 'cause like I said, a lot of time it's a power trip, like
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  they, they are power tripping. Because again, especially if
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  it's a breakup, especially if y'all have broken up for
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  whatever reason, for whatever reason, especially if they've
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  done something to you, like lied to you, cheated on you, whatever
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  the case may be, right? They feel like if you are the
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  one that reaches out, then everything, it's OK now,
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  everything that you've been through, everything that you
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  said has happened, everything that you feel bad about,
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  everything now it's OK. Everything now has become OK
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  there. You don't have you.
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  You don't get to complain about it.
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  Like because you reached out directly to me, it makes
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  everything that I've said and done OK.
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  So This is why this is a lot of times how they try to skirt, how
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  they try to get around being accountable for whatever they've
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  done. This is how they try to skirt
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  accountability or feeling bad about anything.
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  Because if you reach out to me, you validate me.
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  If you're the one who reaches out to me, if you're the one
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  who, who is chasing me, then you are the one that validates me.
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  You're the one who you know, you're the one who has now
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  giving me the power, you know, So now I'm going to take this
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  power and I'm going to use said power against you.
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  I'm going to be manipulative. I'm going to play the victim.
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  I'm I'm going to get around being accountable in almost
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  every single way, shape or form. So you have to prepare for that,
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  y'all. That's something that you have
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  to get ready for because if they are going to keep doing this
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  type of stuff and they don't just do it once, y'all, it's not
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  a one time, 1 and done type of thing, right?
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  They'll keep doing it over and over and over again in an effort
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  to antagonize you and to get on your nerves and to mess with
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  your head. They'll keep doing the same
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  things over and over and over again.
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  It's a game y'all. It's, it really is a game,
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  right? Like they'll give be give you
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  the silent treatment and they'll want to talk to you, but they'll
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  just bait you and talking to them.
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  They'll be they'll be around you, ignoring you, humming and
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  dancing. They'll be dancing around you,
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  right around you. Y'all be in the kitchen.
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  You'll be staring at them like this and they'll like they don't
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  see you go to get on. They'll get on the phone and
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  talk to somebody else. They'll try to antagonize you to
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  make you feel like you are the problem.
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  Like everybody else in the world is good except for you.
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  Every everything else in the world is going good except for
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  you. Which again, to get into your
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  mind and cause you to be one who reaches out you, causes you to
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  be the one who breaks no contact.
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  Especially like if you, if they cheated on you, right, Let's say
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  they cheated on you or you broke up with them for something like
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  they stole you found out they were smoking again or drinking,
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  whatever it is, right? They promised you that they
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  would stop doing something that was hurting the family, hurting
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  them, hurting you. And they kept doing it.
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  And you just you decided to break up with them.
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  And you never hear from like a week, a week goes by and that
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  you never heard from and you're like, what the hell going on?
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  Like I expected them. I expected them to at least call
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  me and talk to me. And then you reach out to them,
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  you see, you Hoover yourself the reverse Hoover, you know what
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  I'm saying? You reverse Hoover yourself into
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  a relationship because not every single narcissistic person is
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  going to reach out to you. Some of them will bait you into
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  being the ones that reaches out to them.
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  A lot of them would do that. Actually, a lot of them would be
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  the one try to bait you into reaching out to them.
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  A lot of them will play this this kind of sick, sinister game
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  in order to try to get you to reach out to them.
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  And then once you reach out, I'm telling you, it may it literally
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  in the mind of a narcissist, it, it seemingly makes every single
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  thing OK that they've done right.
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  It makes every single thing that we've did that I've done that we
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  that you've experienced, it makes it OK.
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  So that's what you're saying Like if you're done, be done
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  right. And before you break no contact,
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  before you reach out to them, before you chase after them,
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  understand that this is the like, understand that the
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  results are going to be them thinking that you're OK with
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  whatever they have done. They could smack you across your
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  damn face and then they'll just act like they'll give you,
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  they'll look y'all, they can hit you and give you the silent
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  treatment. And then you read out to them
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  and guess what? They don't feel bad about
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  hitting you anymore 'cause that's like, well, if they were
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  really mad about being hitting them, they wouldn't be talking
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  to me anymore. You see how stupid that's you
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  see how just dumb and straightforward and black and
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  white thinking it is right there?
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  There's no wiggle room in the mind of a narcissist, right?
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  It's either all good or all bad. And if you, if you reach out to
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  me, then it's all good for me, right?
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  If you're reaching out to me, then it's all good.
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  You making you May. I thought I was all bad because
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  I hit you. But now I'm all good because you
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  reached out. Yeah.
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  You see what I'm saying? And let's be real, it's not.
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  It's most of the time. Most of the time it's about
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  power and control. How they want you to get, how
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  they want you to be the one that reaches out, Right.
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  But sometimes let's keep it hot and ready.
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  Like a Little Caesar's pizza. Sometimes, let's be real,
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  sometimes they will. Absolutely.
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  You know what I'm saying? Sometimes they're just cowards.
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  They're just afraid to reach out.
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  They're afraid they're cowards. They don't want to face the
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  music, so they run from it. They're how about to say the B
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  word, but I don't know, have YouTube goes with that or
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  Spotify, whatever, Applebee's whatever.
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  Y'all listen to this, hit that, subscribe, hit that like button.
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  They are cowards. They're just scared of
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  repercussions. They're scared that you going to
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  expose them. They're scared that you're going
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  to reject them again and again and again.
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  They're scared. They have this fear in them.
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  There was a lot of times narcissistic people want to come
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  at you like they are the boogeyman, right?
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  They want to come at you like they themselves are the
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  boogeyman. Now you should be afraid of
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  them, but in reality, they're afraid of you.
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  So they try to make sure they keep you afraid, right?
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  They try to make sure that they keep you afraid, that they keep
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  you on go. They try to make sure that they
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  keep you feeling in a certain type of way.
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  This is the mentality of narcissistic people.
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  They want to do this because they directly benefit from
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  keeping you guessing. They directly benefit from
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  keeping you feeling in a certain type of way.
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  They directly benefit from that. So This is why I tell people
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  like this is the type of stuff that if you're dealing with a
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  narcissistic person that you're going to have to get used to.
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  I'm not saying that you have to get used to abuse this.
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  Yeah, this is not what that is not what I'm saying.
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  I'm not saying that you have to get used to abuse.
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  You have to get accustomed to being abused or hurt.
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  I am not saying that. Listen to my listen to my
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  worries. I am not saying that you have to
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  get used to being abused. No, that is not what I'm saying.
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  I'm saying that you yourself have to understand that this
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  manipulative, toxic, abusive person is trying to condition
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  you to accept less than what you deserve.
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  They're trying to condition you to accept way less than what you
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  actually deserve. Because this is what they're
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  going to do to get into your minds.
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  This is the point. I know that a lot of people
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  don't want to understand that. They don't want to hear that,
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  but like, yeah, this is the point.
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  A lot of times they just want to get into here because if I can
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  get into here, I got you. I got you.
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  You know? So this is what like you have to
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  like, I tell this to everybody that I'm going to talk to one of
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  the things that everybody needs. I'm going to do.
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  I'm going to do a longer video on this right here.
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  One of the things that everybody needs in order to heal from a
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  narcissist or toxic person is discipline.
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  You absolutely have to have some type of discipline, y'all.
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  You have to be disciplined. You do.
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  You absolutely have to be disciplined in some way, shape
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  or form. You just have to.
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  If you don't have any discipline, if you go, if you
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  break down and reach out to them, why would they stop?
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  Why? Why would they treat you any
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  better when they don't have to? When they don't feel like they
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  have to treat you any better, Why would they?
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  Well, Lee, they love us. You love them, they don't love
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  you as much as you love them. I'm just, I'm just say it like
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  that. Y'all just be straight up.
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  They don't love you as much as you love them.
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  I'm just going to keep it hot. They just don't.
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  That's not how it works. They don't love you as much as
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  you love them. They're not going to put as much
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  effort into the relationship as much as you are.
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  They're not going to do that. I know that's frustrating for a
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  lot of people, but this is part of y'all.
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  This is part of having to deal with this manipulative, abusive
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  person. It's not, it's not fair.
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  I'm not saying I know it's not fair.
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  I I hate the fact that it's not fair, right?
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  But this is part of it. They're going to convince you
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  that you're not deserving of love, that you don't that you,
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  you don't deserve love. You don't deserve to feel good.
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  You don't deserve to hear their voice.
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  You don't deserve to to get some type of closure.
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  You know, especially I can't believe I say that damn word.
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  Closure, y'all? I'm gonna end this.
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  I'm gonna end with this right here.
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  You do not need closure from a narcissist.
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  There, I said it. You don't, you absolutely do not
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  need any type or form of closure from an abusive, manipulative,
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  narcissistic person. You do not.
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  I know everybody thinks like, well, Lee, I think I feel like
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  we need to sit down and have on that.
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  You don't need to do that. You feel like you, you feel like
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  it feels like a need. It's a false need.
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  It feels like a need, but it's just a want.
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  It's a, it's a want disguised as a need, right?
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  It's a want with a need mask on. It's got a neat mask on.
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  It is disguising itself, telling you that you need this.
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  You don't need closure from a from anybody, right?
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  Closure is something. Closure is an internal thing.
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  It's you closing up the book. It's your relationship book.
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  It's your chapter. Like you've written this book.
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  I know y'all have been in it together.
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  I know y'all been Co starring in this book, right?
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  You were you both been Co in the book.
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  You've been coexisting in the book, but it's your book.
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  You're the author. You can write the final chapter.
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  You can close the book. I know it's tough.
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  You feel like you, they, they need to get one last word in or
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  you need to get one last word in.
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  No, you want to get that one last word in.
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  You don't need that one last word.
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  You don't need to hear their voice again.
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  You don't need to feel again. Y'all?
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  I know it's a need disguise is a want disguised as they need.
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  You don't need that. You want it.
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  You know what I mean? Closure is something you don't
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  need. Well, I think I feel like a
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  dude. If you keep telling yourself you
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  need it, then they win because they're not going to give you
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  closure. They if they don't want to close
• 14:19
  the relationship up, why would they give you closure?
• 14:22
  If they don't want to close it, why would they give you any type
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  of closure? That's something you got to
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  think about. Why would they give you any type
• 14:30
  of closure if they're not wanting to close the
• 14:34
  relationship, if they're not wanting to close anything up
• 14:37
  you, and this is something that you have to consider and you
• 14:39
  have to have a breakthrough with y'all anyway, y'all, that's
• 14:42
  going to end the video today. Why narcissists want you to
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  reach out to them, why they want you to chase after them and all
• 14:49
  that other good stuff, bad stuff, hood stuff, nude stuff,
• 14:51
  whatever it is, y'all hit that subscribe button if you haven't,
• 14:54
  y'all. As we eat, it's closer to have
• 14:56
  familiar coaching courses, everything available at
• 15:00
  mentalillness.net and I will see y'all later.
• 15:03
  Mental illness is out. Peace.
• 15:04
  What's going on? Beautiful folks.
• 15:06
  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
• 15:08
  I truly appreciate it. You have no idea.
• 15:10
  If you haven't already, hit that subscribe button.
• 15:13
  You made it this far, you might as well subscribe.
• 15:16
  It really does help the channel y'all y'all?
• 15:17
  It helps me reach more people as well.
• 15:19
  Also, I have coaching my courses and my support group available
• 15:23
  at www.mentalillness.net. Thank you so much.
• 15:26
  Make sure you stick around, watch another video or two.
• 15:28
  I appreciate it. I'm out.