Latest / MyMaine Birth / 94. Adapting to Unexpected Challenges: Bekah's Maine General Hospital Birth Story

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94. Adapting to Unexpected Challenges: Bekah's Maine General Hospital Birth Story · MyMaine Birth

• 0:01
  Angela: I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine.
• 0:13
  Angela: From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated.
• 0:23
  Angela: Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
• 0:31
  Angela: Welcome to episode 94 of the my Main Birth podcast.
• 0:37
  Angela: Today we're going to be hearing from Becca, as she shares her powerful story that sheds light on the challenges, the unexpected turns and the emotional aftermath of a birth story that does not go as you imagined it would.
• 0:51
  Angela: I believe it's important to create a safe space for these narratives, to raise awareness and to support those who've gone through difficult birth experiences.
• 1:01
  Angela: To all the pregnant mothers listening, I encourage you to assess your emotional readiness for today's episode.
• 1:07
  Angela: If hearing stories of birth trauma might not be what you need at the moment, please skip this episode.
• 1:13
  Angela: For those of you who've recently experienced birth trauma yourself, I want you to know that you are not alone.
• 1:19
  Angela: I see you, I hear you and I'm here to support you.
• 1:23
  Angela: I offer a virtual service designed specifically for mothers who need to process their birth stories.
• 1:29
  Angela: My birth healing sessions over Zoom provide a safe and confidential space to explore your emotions, find healing and work through any lingering feelings of disappointment, fear or grief.
• 1:41
  Angela: I'm an experienced birth professional and I'm ready to listen, offer guidance and help you navigate the complexities of your birth experience.
• 1:49
  Angela: If you're interested in scheduling a birth healing session, visit my website, mymainbirthcom.
• 1:54
  Angela: Remember your story matters and I'm here to support you every step of the way.
• 2:00
  Angela: Together, we can heal, grow and find strength in our shared experiences.
• 2:05
  Angela: Thank you for joining me today on my Main Birth, and remember to take care of yourself and each other.
• 2:11
  Angela: And, as always, let's keep the conversation going.
• 2:15
  Angela: You can always message me over on social media.
• 2:17
  Angela: You can find me on Facebook or Instagram at my Main Birth.
• 2:22
  Angela: All right, let's get to it.
• 2:24
  Angela: Hi Becca, welcome to MyMainBirth.
• 2:27
  Angela: How are you?
• 2:28
  Angela: Good how are you Awesome?
• 2:30
  Angela: So to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?
• 2:36
  Bekah: Yeah, so I was raised in California and then I moved out here in 2021.
• 2:44
  Bekah: So I've been here for about three and a half years.
• 2:47
  Bekah: I was working at State Police Dispatch when I met Logan, my fiance, just not paying attention to the distance, which I normally was pretty strict about, and one night I just saw his goofy, freaking smile so I swiped on him.
• 3:01
  Bekah: He messaged me, I saw it, but I got a 911.
• 3:05
  Bekah: So I had to put down my phone and forgot to message him back.
• 3:07
  Bekah: Same thing happened the next night.
• 3:10
  Bekah: He messaged me, I saw it, went to reply 911, picked it up, and then on the third night because he told me after he has a three night rule, he'll message you three days in a row and if you don't answer the third, he unmatches with you, like that was his rule on Tinder.
• 3:27
  Bekah: And so on the third night I was sitting in the emergency room at main general because I thought that my appendix was about to explode, and so he messaged me and I messaged back.
• 3:42
  Bekah: Then we just started talking back and forth.
• 3:45
  Bekah: I mentioned that I was at the hospital and then we video called and he stayed up with me basically all night, even though he had to work the next day.
• 3:54
  Bekah: So I didn't feel alone in the hospital and things moved pretty.
• 3:58
  Bekah: So that was in October of 22, october of 22.
• 4:06
  Bekah: And then by July we found out that we were pregnant and going to have a baby.
• 4:14
  Bekah: How did?
• 4:16
  Angela: you find out you were pregnant.
• 4:17
  Bekah: So I was working midnights at state police at the time and I was about to switch over to the turnpike.
• 4:25
  Bekah: But I was working midnights and I came home from work just absolutely tired and exhausted and like fell asleep like I normally do, and I just like woke up from a dead sleep and was like I need to take a pregnancy test.
• 4:38
  Bekah: So I did and it was positive and I kind of just like sat there for a second and then I texted Logan that he needed to pick up more tests on the way home because I didn't trust it, even though it was digital and it said so clearly pregnant.
• 4:55
  Angela: You had that inner knowing, like you said.
• 4:59
  Bekah: I woke up from dead sleep and was like I need to, and then I took a second and a third and fourth test and they were all positive and called my OB the next day and scheduled my first ultrasound.
• 5:13
  Bekah: I was about six weeks at the time that I found out I was pregnant.
• 5:18
  Angela: Oh, wow, yeah.
• 5:19
  Angela: So that kind of leads into my next question.
• 5:21
  Angela: So when you found out you're pregnant, like what were your thoughts in choosing your care?
• 5:27
  Angela: Or did you kind of know right away what you wanted to go with?
• 5:29
  Bekah: So I wanted I definitely wanted to see the midwives versus the gynecologists.
• 5:35
  Bekah: I just felt more comfortable with midwives.
• 5:38
  Bekah: So I went directly to the midwives first and then my initial thought and what I wanted to do was give birth in a birthing center versus a hospital.
• 5:47
  Bekah: But Logan was very much like if something goes wrong, you need to be in a hospital.
• 5:51
  Bekah: So we decided to do main general and I went with the midwives all the way through until I gave birth and then it became high risk so they switched me over to the OBs.
• 6:06
  Angela: How are you feeling throughout your pregnancy?
• 6:09
  Angela: Oh, it was brutal.
• 6:12
  Bekah: I was so the first trimester I was so tired I mean I was falling asleep at work, like during very important meetings, sitting up and just out, and I had just started at that job.
• 6:25
  Bekah: So it was so fantastic to get a letter from HR in the mail saying we know you're pregnant, but you have to let us know if you need some assistance.
• 6:33
  Bekah: You can't be falling asleep at your workstation.
• 6:35
  Bekah: And I was like I'm sorry.
• 6:38
  Bekah: And then when I was done with training at the Turnpike, because I was at the bottom of the totem pole, I went to midnights.
• 6:45
  Bekah: So I was on midnights for the majority of my pregnancy and I had such horrible morning sickness.
• 6:52
  Bekah: So like the first two weeks that I started getting morning sickness, I called out two, three times a week because I just couldn't go to work.
• 7:02
  Bekah: I was like not leaving the bathroom.
• 7:04
  Bekah: And then my doctor recommended taking the Unisom with the B6.
• 7:08
  Bekah: And I was doing that and it sort of faded from there, Like during the day I was okay.
• 7:15
  Bekah: And then, because I was on midnight shift and nothing really happens on midnights, I was okay, Like if I had to run to the bathroom to throw up, I like didn't have to worry too much about missing something important because I was by myself on midnights.
• 7:30
  Bekah: And then my third trimester I started getting like super swollen.
• 7:36
  Bekah: I mean like my skin was glossy.
• 7:39
  Bekah: I was so swollen I was my shoes weren't fitting.
• 7:42
  Bekah: I had to wear shoes that were like two sizes too big and it just like hurt to walk, it hurt to move and I was blown up like a whale.
• 7:50
  Bekah: I got so huge.
• 7:51
  Bekah: I think I gained like 80 pounds during my pregnancy.
• 7:54
  Bekah: So the last trimester, I think, was the hardest.
• 7:58
  Bekah: A little bit of the morning sickness came back, so I was like balancing that and then being swollen and not really being able to run to the bathroom anymore, Like waddle as fast as I could.
• 8:09
  Bekah: But even though it was such a brutal pregnancy, I would do it all over again.
• 8:15
  Angela: Yeah, yeah, it's like really a crazy whirlwind of an experience.
• 8:20
  Bekah: Yeah, and like he's my first, so like I didn't know what to expect.
• 8:24
  Bekah: You know, everybody tells you what to expect, but it just it's not the same as like actually experiencing it.
• 8:34
  Angela: Yeah, exactly.
• 8:34
  Angela: Yeah, it's definitely one of those things.
• 8:36
  Angela: You can hear all the stories, but, yeah, until you go through it yourself, you're like you don't really know.
• 8:42
  Bekah: Right, well, I mean, everybody is so different during their pregnancies Like no two pregnancy stories are going to be the same.
• 8:48
  Angela: Even of your own pregnancy, Like a lot of moms that are.
• 8:52
  Angela: Like you know, you'll have your second or third pregnancy and you'll be comparing it to previous pregnancies and it's just completely different.
• 8:58
  Bekah: Yeah, yeah, let's hope my next one's easier.
• 9:01
  Angela: So now, will you share kind of about the final weeks and then days leading up to when your labor started and, yeah, about your birth?
• 9:11
  Bekah: Yeah.
• 9:11
  Bekah: So I ended up getting induced at 39 weeks, so I had him a week early.
• 9:17
  Bekah: The last few weeks, like I mentioned, I was super swollen.
• 9:20
  Bekah: You know going to the doctors every week just saying like something doesn't feel right.
• 9:24
  Bekah: You know preeclampsia runs in my family.
• 9:27
  Bekah: I'm really swollen, kicking up my feet, wearing compression socks nothing's helping.
• 9:31
  Bekah: And it was like you're fine, you're just a first time mom, you've got jitters, you're okay.
• 9:38
  Bekah: I knew it was getting close, so I was getting anxious.
• 9:41
  Bekah: On top of everything, I was rushing to get everything done in the baby room.
• 9:47
  Bekah: We ended up co-sleeping for six months but he didn't go in there.
• 9:52
  Bekah: We didn't even open the door to his baby room unless it was to get diapers.
• 9:57
  Bekah: I remember taking a bath at like my 38-week mark.
• 10:01
  Bekah: I was like I just want to take a warm bath.
• 10:04
  Bekah: And I got in and Lois was at work and I thought, like this week mark.
• 10:06
  Bekah: I was like I just want to take a warm bath.
• 10:06
  Bekah: And I got in and Logan was at work and I thought like this is fine, I can do it.
• 10:09
  Bekah: I've been taking baths all this time and I just didn't gauge how big I had gotten.
• 10:14
  Bekah: So I took my bath and then the water started getting cold and I was like I need to get out and I struggled for 20 minutes to get out of the bathtub and like I texted Logan and I was like no more baths.
• 10:29
  Angela: If I say I want a bath, don't let me yeah, it comes with when you kind of have to like roll yourself out right like trying to like get myself onto my knees to push myself up.
• 10:40
  Bekah: At 37 weeks I had my maternity shoot with Jandine Boudoir down in, I believe, bath or Brunswick, no Westbrook Jandine Boudoir for photography, and I mean it was such a great experience.
• 10:56
  Bekah: They did my hair and my makeup and they had all these outfits I could put on and we spent like two, three hours just doing the photos that's so fun to get together like you know, late pregnancy and get your hair done and get dressed up and go out and do the photos.
• 11:12
  Bekah: Yeah, that's amazing and she's like so she's like I'll contact you in like two weeks and we'll like go through all the pictures and then you'll pick out like the package that you want and make your first payment and all of this.
• 11:26
  Bekah: And I was like that sounds great, Like I'll be 39 weeks.
• 11:30
  Bekah: I won't be quite ready to pop.
• 11:31
  Bekah: Everybody in my family goes over anyway.
• 11:33
  Bekah: So we scheduled it for the 12th, which was the day of my 39 week appointment, and I went in for my 39 week appointment, totally ready, just to get my membrane sweep and everything.
• 11:49
  Bekah: The nurse comes in and she takes my blood pressure and she's like it's a little bit high, but you should be fine.
• 11:55
  Bekah: I'm just going to let the midwife know why don't you just go ahead and take your pants off, so when she comes in we can just do the membrane sweep?
• 12:02
  Bekah: I was like that sounds great to me.
• 12:04
  Bekah: So when she comes in, we can just do the membrane sweep.
• 12:07
  Bekah: I was like that sounds great to me.
• 12:08
  Bekah: So I'm sitting on the examination table like buck, naked from the waist down with just their tiny little blanket over me.
• 12:16
  Bekah: That doesn't cover anything, and she walked.
• 12:19
  Bekah: The midwife walks in and she's like yeah, no, we're admitting you, your blood pressure is way too high.
• 12:25
  Bekah: We're probably going to end up inducing you, so you might want to call your significant other and whoever you want to be in the room with you.
• 12:31
  Bekah: I was like, okay, you know, that sounds great.
• 12:37
  Angela: So she kind of just came in and was like this is what we're going to do, or did she kind of present it to you with, like these are your options.
• 12:45
  Bekah: She didn't present any options.
• 12:46
  Bekah: It was we're going to bring you in, we're going to monitor you and you're probably getting induced, so prepare, kind of thing.
• 12:54
  Bekah: So I was like this is fine, this is great.
• 13:01
  Bekah: So they took me over to the maternity ward, got me all set up in a delivery room and everything, and by the time that I had gotten in the ward my blood pressure had spiked to 174, over 90 and they did all the testing and they came back and they're like yeah, you have preeclampsia, we're going to have to induce you.
• 13:21
  Bekah: So they started pumping me full of blood pressure meds to get my blood pressure down before they started the induction process.
• 13:29
  Bekah: But I guess I was already in the early stages of labor.
• 13:32
  Bekah: I was having contractions, but I wasn't quite feeling them yet.
• 13:36
  Bekah: I was having contractions, but I wasn't quite feeling them yet.
• 13:38
  Bekah: So I called Logan and I was like, hey, they're inducing me.
• 13:43
  Bekah: And he had just woken up, like not even finished his coffee yet.
• 13:48
  Bekah: He's like I'm sorry, what?
• 13:49
  Bekah: And I was like today's the day, get dressed, get here, bring my hospital bag.
• 13:54
  Bekah: So he got in the car and rushed over and by the time they had he had gotten there.
• 14:03
  Bekah: They lowered my blood pressure enough to start the induction, like the med medicine to kind of relax my cervix.
• 14:12
  Bekah: They hadn't started the Pitocin or anything yet and I started kind of feeling my contractions and it wasn't too bad.
• 14:19
  Bekah: I was like I can handle this, this is good, I'm okay.
• 14:24
  Bekah: And then I sent Logan out to get me dinner at like six or seven o'clock and one of the doctor the resident doctors came like barreling into the room and was like when was the last time that you ate?
• 14:40
  Bekah: And I was like I haven't eaten at all today.
• 14:42
  Bekah: And she's like I was like I just sent Logan out to get me lunch, like dinner, and she's like don't eat, you know we might need to do a c-section.
• 14:50
  Bekah: And like didn't exactly ask me if I wanted to do a C-section and I kind of like stopped for a second and I was like, well, last resort, right.
• 15:03
  Bekah: And she's like, well, we might need to.
• 15:04
  Bekah: And then walked out and then around I want to say nine or 10 o'clock they started the pictosin.
• 15:11
  Bekah: Keep in mind I went into my appointment at 11am.
• 15:14
  Bekah: So like now we're at nine o'clock and they're just now starting the pictosin.
• 15:18
  Bekah: Haven't eaten all day, I'm starving and they won't let me because they might need to do a C-section and they're like these.
• 15:28
  Bekah: The contractions might be a little intense.
• 15:30
  Bekah: Just let me know if you want the epidural.
• 15:32
  Bekah: And I was like very upfront from the whole process I do not want epidural, like last resort epidural, like no kind of thing.
• 15:42
  Bekah: And then, like the first two pictosin contractions hit and it was brutal.
• 15:48
  Bekah: So I like looked at Logan and I was like I changed my mind.
• 15:54
  Bekah: So they came in, they gave me the epidural around like midnight and the first contraction after the epidural didn't feel it.
• 16:04
  Bekah: It was great.
• 16:05
  Bekah: I was able to sleep a little bit.
• 16:06
  Bekah: And then the next one after that the epidural just stopped working and so from that point on it just every I felt, but I couldn't move my legs, so like only thing it succeeded in doing was blocking my legs from working Around.
• 16:24
  Bekah: See, he was born at 11.
• 16:26
  Bekah: So I want to say around 9am Logan's parents came to visit for like the last time before because they had to work that day.
• 16:36
  Bekah: So they came to visit and I was like sitting on the bed, hadn't had him yet, and like obviously I'm under my birthing gown, there's nothing on, and one of the male doctors walked in and just pulled my blanket off, and so I was exposed to everybody in the room.
• 16:57
  Angela: He just walked in, pulled it off, didn't say like anything to you, wow.
• 17:01
  Bekah: Nope, he pulled it off and said I just need to check and I was just kind of like okay, like thanks for that.
• 17:15
  Angela: So not only did he pull the blanket off, but he said I'm also going to do this thing that I'm not even really like asking you if like this is a good time to do Right in front of everyone, huh, in front of.
• 17:24
  Bekah: So like Logan's stepmom and dad were there and luckily Logan's dad was like not looking at that point, so like he didn't expose my cooch to my father-in-law, but I was just kind of like Sam saw, saw it happen, logan's stepmom and we just like looked at each other, like did this?
• 17:39
  Bekah: Did he really just do that?
• 17:42
  Bekah: That's really insensitive, wow, it really was.
• 17:46
  Bekah: And then around 10 am, they came in and they broke my water because I still hadn't done it, naturally.
• 17:54
  Bekah: Now, how did that?
• 17:55
  Bekah: conversation go still hadn't done it, naturally.
• 18:00
  Bekah: Now, how did that conversation go?
• 18:01
  Bekah: She just came in and she's like we're going to have to break your water to move this process along.
• 18:03
  Bekah: We can't have it like go too long.
• 18:06
  Angela: So now, how is your blood pressure at that point?
• 18:08
  Angela: Was it, was it settled, or was it?
• 18:10
  Bekah: It was still high, but it was manageable.
• 18:13
  Bekah: I want to say it was like 145, maybe 150, over 85, 90.
• 18:22
  Bekah: So it was still pretty high, but it wasn't insanely high.
• 18:27
  Bekah: It wasn't like to the point where they're like we need to do a C-section.
• 18:30
  Bekah: They were like you can do this naturally, kind of thing.
• 18:33
  Bekah: And I was like, well, how natural can you be when you're pumped full of drugs, kind of thing.
• 18:37
  Bekah: And I was like, well, how natural can you be when you're pumped full of drugs?
• 18:39
  Bekah: Yeah, so I think I was like eight and a half centimeters dilated by the time they broke my water.
• 18:45
  Bekah: And she's like I'm gonna come back in like an hour and check on you.
• 18:48
  Bekah: And she like came back.
• 18:52
  Bekah: She's like how are you feeling?
• 18:53
  Bekah: You feeling ready to push?
• 18:54
  Bekah: Do you feel like you have to go to the bathroom or anything?
• 18:57
  Bekah: I was like not quite yet.
• 18:59
  Bekah: And then she walked out like 10 minutes later I could feel like it was time.
• 19:03
  Bekah: So we pushed the call button and I was like I think it's time.
• 19:07
  Bekah: And she came in and she's like it definitely is.
• 19:13
  Bekah: On the next contraction, I want you to push.
• 19:15
  Bekah: On the next contraction, I want you to push.
• 19:18
  Bekah: So I like started pushing and again like I couldn't.
• 19:22
  Bekah: I could feel everything, but I couldn't move my legs without pulling them.
• 19:31
  Bekah: So she had me like turn on my side.
• 19:32
  Bekah: Logan had to push me onto my side and then pull my leg like all the way to my chest and then pulled my leg like all the way to my chest and I was like pushing for a couple minutes and I just could hear the doctors chatter, and one of them was like his heart rate is dropping.
• 19:45
  Bekah: So like I started getting a little bit scared and the doctor like looked up at me and she's like so you need to push him out in the next contraction or we're going to have to use the vacuum.
• 19:58
  Bekah: And then, in the same breath, was like which can cause bleeding on the brain and behind the eyes and bruising, and all of this like which really like scared me, Like this is my first time having a kid and she was just coming hard at me with all of these facts.
• 20:19
  Angela: And this is in your final moments of labor, as your baby's emerging from your body.
• 20:25
  Bekah: Right.
• 20:25
  Bekah: Yeah, I mean it was terrifying to hear her say like his heart rate is dropping, you need to push him out now.
• 20:31
  Bekah: So I she's like I don't even want you to wait until the next contraction.
• 20:34
  Bekah: So I she's like I don't even want you to wait until the next contraction, you just need to push.
• 20:38
  Bekah: So I started pushing and I could feel like his head halfway out, when one of the nurses was like just push mama.
• 20:48
  Bekah: Which like was just the tip of the freaking iceberg.
• 20:52
  Bekah: So I screamed I am pushing, which like got a chuckle out of everybody in the room, which like is not funny because I was in so much pain.
• 21:10
  Bekah: And I finally like felt him out and there was just no cry.
• 21:12
  Bekah: And so I like stopped for a second and they like put him on my chest for a heartbeat and we're like trying to get him to cry.
• 21:21
  Bekah: And she's like, yep, this isn't going to work.
• 21:23
  Bekah: And pulled him away, cut the cord and took him over to the incubator area and I'm like looking at Logan and I'm just saying, over and over is he crying?
• 21:35
  Bekah: Is he crying?
• 21:35
  Bekah: Is he OK saying over and over, is he crying?
• 21:40
  Bekah: Is he crying, is he okay?
• 21:41
  Bekah: Meanwhile, the doctor is holding up my placenta and going so this is your placenta, and like pointing out different things to me, and all I can think is I really don't care.
• 21:49
  Bekah: Is my baby okay?
• 21:51
  Bekah: Finally, logan's like he's crying, he's okay.
• 21:54
  Bekah: He's like okay, good.
• 21:56
  Bekah: And the doctor like stitched me up or whatever because I got a second degree tear because they had you push like so ferociously in those last right and said and the doctor's like you pushed him out in seven minutes, like that's basically unheard of.
• 22:16
  Bekah: And I was like wow, that's really fast.
• 22:19
  Bekah: She's like a lot of first-time moms are pushing for like hours and I was like, well, you told me I had to push him out, like or else right so I like sat there for a minute and I never got to hear his first cry because the doctor was just talking over it and like that's something I think about now, like watching, like Call the Midwife or whatever.
• 22:46
  Bekah: I just never heard his first cry and that's such an important thing.
• 22:52
  Bekah: Then they mentioned that he wasn't retaining his body heat, so they kept him under the heat lamps for a couple hours and meanwhile, like I can't walk, I still have the epidural, you know, trying to make its way through my system, so I can't go over to the other side of the room and see him where they kept him over there.
• 23:12
  Bekah: And Logan's parents came back and they got to see him fully before I did, and like I sat, like I would just lay there and like listen to him breathing because he had so much amniotic fluid and stuff in his nose and in his airways because I pushed him out so fast it didn't have time to squeeze out of him.
• 23:36
  Bekah: And then they like brought him over to me for a couple minutes so I could finally hold him for the first time, like fully to see if maybe some skin to skin would help him with regaining his body temperature.
• 23:49
  Bekah: And then, like within two minutes they checked his temperature and it was like falling again.
• 23:53
  Bekah: So they put him back under the heat lamp so like I got to hold him for maybe two, two to five minutes in a five hour span.
• 24:02
  Bekah: And then I finally got him back and got to hold him because he was retaining his body heat at this point and we noticed that like he just sounded like he was struggling to breathe.
• 24:13
  Bekah: So we mentioned it to the doctor and she took him out with logan went with him, but they took him to like the little nursery area and they shoved tubes down his throat and nose to try and suck everything out.
• 24:28
  Bekah: And the doctor looked at me and she's like, well, it's because you pushed him out so fast.
• 24:32
  Bekah: Like kind of like it was wrong of me to push him out in seven minutes and my blood pressure was like skyrocketing again.
• 24:43
  Angela: Um, really like you're separated from your baby, like I think that's right, all right at that point, wow so we went in.
• 24:52
  Bekah: I got admitted tuesday, I had him wednesday and then we didn't get out of the hospital until Saturday Because, with him having to retain his body heat, he had a little bit of jaundice and just like a couple other little complications and then me with my blood pressure just not lowering on its own.
• 25:12
  Bekah: So as much as I loved the midwives at Maine General, I don't think that my next kid will be there Just because my whole last trimester I told them that I was worried I had preeclampsia and they shut me down and then ended up having to induce me due to preeclampsia.
• 25:33
  Bekah: And I just can't get the thought out of my head that if they would have listened and treated me, I might have been able to have him the way I wanted to Fully natural, no pictosin standing up, no epidural kind of thing, and like nothing on my birth plan was followed.
• 25:51
  Bekah: Plus with so many residents which I don't mind, like they have to learn somehow just making me feel so uncomfortable the whole time between the one barging in and saying we need to do a C-section, don't eat, and then the next one coming in and just ripping down my blanket in front of everybody.
• 26:15
  Bekah: It just like was not a great first experience to having a baby and it really like put me off on wanting another one for a very long time.
• 26:26
  Bekah: So like I just I mean, he's six months old now and I'm just now getting to the point where I'm like thinking about planning to plan for another baby, Because I just don't want to go through that again yeah, yeah, it's a.
• 26:46
  Angela: It's a big.
• 26:46
  Angela: It's a big thing to process and a really big experience to to go through.
• 26:51
  Angela: I had birth trauma with my first birth and I didn't have another baby for eight years after that.
• 26:57
  Angela: So, um, it's real, you know, and you're not alone and unfortunately, I think the statistic is something like 35% of moms, like, are walking away from their birth experiences with trauma and I I just wish that wasn't the case, you know, cause, yeah, like you kind of mentioned, there were, you know, some things that maybe could have been done throughout the entire experience to make it just more positive for you, you know.
• 27:24
  Bekah: Right and I mean like, even if they listened to me and they treated me and I still had to be induced, still had to go through all of that, at least they listened to me and like I know, I know at that point, like they did the best that they could and they really tried their hardest to make it a good experience for me, instead of just putting me down and just not giving me the ear that I needed during that pregnancy.
• 27:57
  Angela: So how was your postpartum?
• 27:59
  Angela: You're still really postpartum in six months, right, I mean.
• 28:03
  Angela: So how was your like initial, like those first few weeks?
• 28:09
  Bekah: how was your like initial like those first few weeks go?
• 28:10
  Bekah: So the first few weeks were like they weren't bad.
• 28:11
  Bekah: Logan had just started a new job, like I, I did, like we both were not at our jobs for a full year yet.
• 28:16
  Bekah: So, like my first six weeks off that I took were unpaid, and then Logan only got a couple days off that he had to and then used his vacation.
• 28:29
  Bekah: So all of his vacation he used for that first week, which was not even a good like bonding period because we were running back and forth between doctor's appointments and the hospitals to get Billy Rubens and like make sure that he wasn't at a point in jaundice where he needed to be admitted and treated.
• 28:49
  Bekah: And then his second week, home after the jaundice had cleared and he started feeling better.
• 28:56
  Bekah: It's when it like really clicked.
• 28:58
  Bekah: Like I'm kind of having to do this on my own during the day.
• 29:03
  Bekah: First few days were hard just because he went.
• 29:06
  Bekah: He is such a velcro baby and he really was the first few days too, and I just felt glued to the couch because I was breastfeeding so I didn't have to get up to make a bottle.
• 29:20
  Bekah: He was too young to really play yet.
• 29:23
  Bekah: He didn't want to be put down at all.
• 29:25
  Bekah: So it was just constant contact, naps and laying on me and I loved it.
• 29:30
  Bekah: It was so great and I cherished every moment of it.
• 29:34
  Bekah: But I felt like such a couch potato for like the full six weeks because I never got off the couch until Logan got home.
• 29:44
  Angela: Wrong with that?
• 29:44
  Angela: That's actually the less you do postpartum, I feel like, the faster you heal.
• 29:50
  Bekah: I think really the only issue that we had in the first two weeks was breastfeeding.
• 29:55
  Bekah: The hospital never really went over how to breastfeed with me so I only did it on one side, like I would feed him on one side and then alternate to the other on the next feeding.
• 30:06
  Bekah: And he has a tongue tie.
• 30:09
  Bekah: So he had such a poor latch in the first few weeks and it wasn't explained that you're supposed to do both sides so he wasn't gaining weight as fast as he should have been.
• 30:20
  Bekah: But once somebody finally told me like no, you're supposed to feed on both sides Like we kind of got it down and in the bag.
• 30:29
  Bekah: But I kind of credit that to the fact that I'm not producing so great right now, especially on my right side, because he's always favored the left.
• 30:37
  Bekah: I mean, right now we're down to breastfeeding once a day and just bottles the rest of the day because I'm not producing enough.
• 30:44
  Bekah: Like it takes all day for me to produce enough for him to eat once.
• 30:47
  Bekah: Producing enough.
• 30:48
  Bekah: Like it takes all day for me to produce enough for him to eat once.
• 30:50
  Bekah: So it took a little bit to adjust.
• 30:52
  Bekah: And then going back to work was rough because we had to hire a nanny.
• 30:56
  Bekah: But I had a caber in here and we ended up getting to hire Logan's babysitter, when he was a kid, to watch little man.
• 31:05
  Bekah: Yeah, she started calling herself Grand Nanny.
• 31:08
  Bekah: She was just so great and we would have kept her like the whole time.
• 31:14
  Bekah: But now we both have day jobs and it's just too expensive to have a nanny full time.
• 31:18
  Bekah: I mean we were only paying her or we were only having her for four days a week, six hours a day, and then now we're full time, so it'd be closer to 10 hours a day, five days a week, and we just can't afford that in today's economy.
• 31:37
  Angela: Yeah, it's tough, oh my gosh.
• 31:40
  Bekah: But she helped make postpartum easier because she specialized in newborns and newborn care so she like kind of knew what to do when I didn't, which was great because I would just ask her a question and she'd be so quick to answer and it made it feel right, um, but I don't think it really clicked in my head that I'm a mom until maybe like the four month mark when he started to smile and he like and not just like the little gassy smiles, like a full, open mouth learning how to smile, smile, and he looked at me and smiled for the first time, seeing me, and I just kind of was like oh, oh, my God, that is my son, and it felt so amazing.
• 32:35
  Bekah: So I had a little bit of a dark period, but I mean it was gone within two weeks, probably just baby blues, I guess.
• 32:46
  Angela: Yeah, yeah, it is, is.
• 32:47
  Angela: It's incredible and it, like you said, it does take like a while to process, even in your brain, and like your whole new role in life.
• 32:55
  Angela: Really, you know an important one too, so it's amazing.
• 32:59
  Angela: Now, as a final question, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting, or even new parents, what would be the biggest thing you'd want to share?
• 33:11
  Bekah: Just like listen to your gut and lay down the law, Like do not let your doctors walk on you.
• 33:21
  Bekah: If you feel like something is wrong, then most likely something is wrong and just tell them, like I know you say it's probably not this, but just test to be safe and we'll get that over with.
• 33:35
  Bekah: And then then you can say I'm just a first time mom and being overly anxious.
• 33:40
  Bekah: Just put your foot down and fight for what you think you need, Because if you don't, it might end up kind of like mine.
• 33:58
  Angela: Yeah, totally Like really just tuning into your intuition and not, you know, being pushed into anything too Cause you know you can feel like in that moment it's like okay, do this, like you know, or we need to do this, or else this could happen.
• 34:06
  Angela: It's like a lot of times, you know you have a few minutes to think about, you know the situation and it can really feel like you know, like you don't right, like sometimes.
• 34:15
  Bekah: Yeah, it's always better to be safe than sorry.
• 34:18
  Bekah: Yeah, and with new parents too, like, if you feel like something's wrong with your kid, it's better to be safe than sorry.
• 34:25
  Bekah: Just take him to the emergency room or take him to their doctors.
• 34:29
  Angela: Awesome.
• 34:29
  Angela: Well, thank you so much, Becca, for taking the time to chat with me tonight.
• 34:34
  Angela: It's been such an honor to hear you tell your story.
• 34:38
  Bekah: Well, thank you for letting me tell my story.
• 34:40
  Bekah: It feels pretty good to get it out and not just tell it to family.
• 34:45
  Bekah: You know there's only so many times my dad can listen to my birth story.
• 34:51
  Angela: And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast.
• 34:55
  Angela: Thank you for joining me and listening.
• 34:58
  Angela: If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages.
• 35:11
  Angela: I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.
• 35:24
  Angela: I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms.
• 35:29
  Angela: It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers.
• 35:39
  Angela: This is for you.
• 35:40
  Angela: Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for.
• 35:50
  Angela: So go grab that.
• 35:52
  Angela: It's at mymainbirthcom slash download.
• 35:56
  Angela: Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.
• 36:02
  Angela: Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.