Latest / She Speaks to Scale / 22. Speaking Habit #4: The Uninvited Critic (And How to Stop Her Stealing the Show)
Transcript
- Sarah Collins: Hello and welcome to She Speaks the Scale with me, Sarah Collins. the podcast that empowers women in business to own their voice, be heard and create impact, one communication insight at a time. a former senior television producer for ITV and ITN. It's my mission to bring the communication skills we need to thrive in today's world of business to the generation of women who simply weren't taught them. Whether it's scaling your authority and stepping into thought leadership, scaling your impact on camera on stage and beyond, or scaling your revenue through speaking opportunities, this podcast will help you use your voice to be heard so you're trusted and remembered when it matters most. Before we begin, if a speaking opportunity came your way tomorrow, would you pass on it, say yes through the nerves or confidently agree? Understanding your speaker identity is the first step to being able to scale and I have a quiz to help you do just It takes two minutes to complete and we'll tell you where you are now and your potential next steps on your speaking journey. I'll drop the link in the show notes. Welcome to the final episode of my Summer Speaking Habits series. As this goes out, it will be the end of August. I'm actually recording it at the start of August in a bid to be organized so that I can have some time off. So I hope as you're listening to this, you've had a wonderful summer. so far in this series I've covered rambling, waiting for permission to speak and those dreaded filler words and I wanted to end with something that I think will resonate with almost everyone listening because this is a habit that happens quietly in real time often without you even realizing it's going on. So today I'm going to raise your awareness about the running commentary in your head while you're speaking. And it's what you say to yourself after you've spoken as well. Together, they are quietly undermining your delivery in ways you might not have even considered before. Now, my inner chatter used to go 10 to the dozen, but an incredible thing happened when I was undertaking my coaching qualification. Through learning the art of active listening, reflective practice and being grounded and present in the moment, I felt my inner chatter start to disperse. In fact, I remember being at a self-care afternoon with a friend, having recently qualified, think sound bowls, yoga mats, a really relaxing afternoon, and we were being taken through a meditation. The lady running the event asked us to clear our minds and focus on the here and now. And when it was time to open our eyes, my friend said she had so many things running through her mind during the exercise. And then when she asked me if I did as well, I realised and answered that actually I've really hadn't. I hadn't managed to clear my mind completely and be in that moment. You'll recognize the voice I'm on about because it's the one that rears its head the minute you start doing anything of importance. If delivering a speaking opportunity, this might sound like, that didn't make sense. They look bored. Why did I say that? I'm going too fast. I've completely lost my thread. this is going terribly, I don't know what I'm saying next, they don't look engaged at all. It's like a running commentary on your own performance happening whilst you are still speaking. And when that commentary starts, the way you speak starts to go downhill too. your confidence dips and you worry what's going on with the audience, but they can sense something as well. They can sense that you're no longer fully present. You're in your own head, you're judging yourself, which means your eye contact drops, your pace changes and your energy shifts. And then the moment you finish speaking, that's when it starts all over again. Every stumble, every pause that felt too long, every word you wish you'd said differently on repeat, basically overthinking everything you said or didn't say. And I laugh there because honestly I know exactly how this feels. Unlearning this habit. as it was for me, makes a world of difference when it comes to speaking. You become fully present and you actually start to enjoy the opportunities that come your way rather than dread every second. Now whilst doing some research for this episode, I found what I call the inner chatter called a variety of other things. Perhaps you might resonate. So things like brain chatter, inner monologue, inner voice or internal dialogue. Now this is actually part of what makes us human. It helps us process information, solve problems, and navigate social situations. And we're not trying to eliminate that voice completely. We would never be able to do that. But what we want to do is control it so that it doesn't take over in the moments that really matter. That inner chatter is a fundamental aspect of human cognition and consciousness. It plays a significant role in shaping our perceptions, attitudes and behaviour. It can influence how we interpret events, make choices and respond to various situations. being self-aware about that voice is really the first crucial step in this. Research shows that people use inner chatter considerably more when they are under pressure, which is why it can be much more apparent during speaking opportunities. So how do we manage it before and after we've spoken? So firstly, practice mindfulness or meditation beforehand. This can help you become more self aware of the inner chatter as these practices encourage you to be in the moment and limit as much of it as you can. I myself have actually struggled to get into meditation although I completely see the benefits. I do however make sure I ground myself by doing breathing exercises and visualisations beforehand. Secondly, challenge that negative self-talk in the moment. When you hear yourself talking negatively, challenge whether those thoughts are true, what evidence you have to back them up. You could choose to say positive affirmations in its place. I do this frequently now and have to say it works every time. As soon as my negative inner chatter starts rearing its head, I say back to it things like I'm an expert in what I do or what I have to say matters. find your own positive affirmation and have that to hand for those moments. And thirdly, accept imperfection in advance. Before you speak, give yourself permission to be imperfect. This doesn't necessarily mean lowering your standards, but removing the pressure that feeds the inner chatter in the first place. We have this need to give a perfect delivery, but by taking the pressure off and saying to yourself, this won't be perfect and I'm okay with that, it eases things slightly. This has honestly been a game changer for me as a recovering perfectionist. The knowledge now that things don't have to be perfect has changed how I see the world. Instead of constantly seeking out perfection and criticizing my own performance because it's not perfect, I'm actually okay now with things being imperfect, including my own imperfections. It has taken much of the pressure off and has meant I have said yes to many more things like creating this podcast. If you try any of these three, let it be this one and I really hope it has the same impact that it had on me. Limiting your inner chatter is key if you are to scale your authority, impact and revenue through speaking. As with all the habits covered this summer, sometimes you just need support to help you unlearn them. And that's exactly what working with a speaking coach will do. If any of this has spurred something in you and you're ready to uplevel your speaking, then do reach out. Let's have a conversation. Thank you for listening to this episode of She Speaks to Scale. If you liked the episode or you think it will be useful for someone else, please follow and leave a review. Don't forget there's a link to my speaker identity quiz in the show notes. It takes just two minutes to find out where you are now on your speaking journey and what your next move should be. Remember to speak with intention, not hesitation and let your voice be heard.