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10: Fear of Failure AND Success: How to Stop Letting Both Run Your Life · The Everyday Awesome Project

• 0:20
  Samantha Pruitt: Hey everybody, sam here.
• 0:21
  Samantha Pruitt: Sorry for the upcoming sound issue, but Polly's microphone was acting up a little bit and we promised she really wasn't the same room with me.
• 0:29
  Samantha Pruitt: Hey, superstars, welcome back Polly here.
• 0:33
  Samantha Pruitt: And Sam, what's up?
• 0:35
  Samantha Pruitt: Beautiful humans.
• 0:36
  Polly Mertens: Hey, what are we talking about today, Sam?
• 0:38
  Samantha Pruitt: We are talking about something so scary.
• 0:43
  Polly Mertens: Fear yeah.
• 0:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Fear.
• 0:45
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, fear Little f big f.
• 0:47
  Polly Mertens: Little fear is big fear right.
• 0:49
  Samantha Pruitt: One thousand percent.
• 0:50
  Samantha Pruitt: It is an emotion that all humans experience.
• 0:54
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, sometimes we forget that, and you know, one of the things that we really want to focus on in this one is fear of failure and success right.
• 1:02
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, we're going to talk about the two different types and what that looks like.
• 1:05
  Samantha Pruitt: We're going to unpack a lot of things today.
• 1:07
  Samantha Pruitt: They're going to make people really uncomfortable and for some reason, that brings me a lot of joy.
• 1:12
  Samantha Pruitt: So let's get started.
• 1:16
  Samantha Pruitt: What is fear?
• 1:17
  Samantha Pruitt: What is fear?
• 1:19
  Samantha Pruitt: So there's a couple different things that are actually fear.
• 1:24
  Samantha Pruitt: One is what you like to call the global conversation that is fear-based.
• 1:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Our society just thrives off of this, unfortunately, and it's the external inputs that come into our ears, our eyeballs, our thoughts, emotions, our cells, into our energy that are fear-based things we expose ourselves to every day.
• 1:49
  Samantha Pruitt: The news, yeah.
• 1:51
  Polly Mertens: I'm really glad that you said the word energy, because I was going to interject that, because I think that's exactly what it is and I've studied different.
• 1:58
  Polly Mertens: You know I'm big on frequency and internal energy systems, whether that's like life force or the vibration that we have inside of ourselves.
• 2:08
  Polly Mertens: We would say positive emotions, or higher vibrations, the joy, the love, the appreciation, those types of vibrations.
• 2:16
  Polly Mertens: And then we have lower states, lower energy vibrations, the shame, doubt, fear, guilt, things like that.
• 2:24
  Polly Mertens: So fear falls into that lower vibration.
• 2:26
  Polly Mertens: So I appreciate what you just said about the energy in the world.
• 2:31
  Polly Mertens: The conversation in the world tends to be at an octave or a vibration lower than I think we're.
• 2:38
  Polly Mertens: That's what we're up to is raising people's vibration.
• 2:40
  Polly Mertens: You know that's what Everyday Awesome is about.
• 2:42
  Samantha Pruitt: And the reason it's so important to look at fear in the face is because it has such a low vibration.
• 2:50
  Samantha Pruitt: It has an incredible negative impact on your mental and physical health.
• 2:55
  Samantha Pruitt: Not just the health of the world, but you, the individual listening to this right now, the human on the other side.
• 3:02
  Samantha Pruitt: The amount of negative energy that comes with fear in your life really can make you ill mentally and physically.
• 3:10
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, literally.
• 3:11
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, yeah, it can transform, so you know the frequency that you're vibing at.
• 3:15
  Polly Mertens: You see this in people you know, you see people when they're unhealthy.
• 3:19
  Polly Mertens: What do they want to do?
• 3:20
  Polly Mertens: They want to like slow down, regroup, whatever, and a lot of it has to do with you know we talk a lot in sports about inflammation and things like that and that's resistance.
• 3:29
  Polly Mertens: If you ask me.
• 3:30
  Polly Mertens: I studied.
• 3:31
  Polly Mertens: It is just resistance in the body that builds up.
• 3:33
  Polly Mertens: Builds up kind of like plucking your veins or you know, arthritis in your joints, things like that.
• 3:40
  Polly Mertens: It's just build up of resistance that you haven't flowed through.
• 3:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Stuck energy.
• 3:44
  Samantha Pruitt: Stuck energy.
• 3:46
  Polly Mertens: So let's talk about fear of failure.
• 3:48
  Samantha Pruitt: So, yeah, two types of fear we're going to talk about today, the first being fear of failure, which most people are really, you know, have a huge awareness to, and walk around on the daily with that just sort of sitting on their shoulder, holds them back from doing all kinds of things in their life, implementing all kinds of changes that are long overdue or really reaching their full potential.
• 4:13
  Samantha Pruitt: And the second one we're going to talk about is fear of success, which is the polar opposite of that, but equally harmful, equally really just life robbing, if you will, potential robbing, and it's kind of derivatives of the same thing, you know.
• 4:30
  Polly Mertens: I mean it's can be story and whatnot, and yeah, so so fear of failure.
• 4:39
  Samantha Pruitt: let's just start with that and dig in just a little bit.
• 4:42
  Samantha Pruitt: My friend, I'd like you to share some of your personal story.
• 4:45
  Samantha Pruitt: You have crushed many, many, many fears and you're actually in the business of doing that, and since we're spending more time together, I get to watch and read it.
• 4:57
  Polly Mertens: It's so fun.
• 4:58
  Polly Mertens: You know, I think the thing to be totally transparent about is we're not that cold, perfect, oh you know, like I really want to know we're talking about this because we need to talk about this, like for ourselves.
• 5:10
  Samantha Pruitt: We're living it.
• 5:11
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, like we hope that by sharing just some of our experiences and journey Supports and helps people if they're facing something that feels like a mountain or, you know, to big to climb or feels like that wall.
• 5:23
  Polly Mertens: You know, if you're working sometimes feel like wall and having a new relationship with that and, as we said, you know, kind of alluded to small f's and big f's right so.
• 5:32
  Polly Mertens: I guess you know, before we went on air, I was sharing, you know, big fears for me, or fears that I've overcome.
• 5:40
  Polly Mertens: Let's say, you're transformed is capital F's capital laughs, and you pointed out to me that they all happen, or several times in my life They've happened at the same time.
• 5:48
  Polly Mertens: So, leaving unfulfilling relationships, leaving a job I'm fulfilling job let's say, leaving an area or a city.
• 5:58
  Samantha Pruitt: That's no longer serving you.
• 5:59
  Polly Mertens: That's no longer serving me.
• 6:00
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, so I was living.
• 6:01
  Polly Mertens: So I'll just give one example and come fast forward.
• 6:03
  Polly Mertens: So, living in Silicon Valley in my 20s At a job that just didn't feel like it was my potential or my future, hey, silicon Valley was growing rapidly, you know.
• 6:14
  Polly Mertens: I had, you know, move there, grown up there, and it was, you know, smaller, it just felt smaller.
• 6:20
  Polly Mertens: And then just the influx of people into the Silicon Valley and the San Francisco Bay area just came on In heated ways and San Francisco's had heat waves of that over its life and then Relationship had just sort of plateaued.
• 6:34
  Polly Mertens: It wasn't going anywhere, what not?
• 6:36
  Polly Mertens: So just how I defined my life was like.
• 6:42
  Samantha Pruitt: And because you're a bundle or you like to bundle things, these things all happened at once or within a 30 day.
• 6:48
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, well, so sometimes one decision can ah, you know, can affect multiple areas of our life, right?
• 6:55
  Polly Mertens: So my decision looked like Leaving the job, going back to NBA school and relocating to a new town to do that right.
• 7:03
  Polly Mertens: And miles of an up, a way that the relationship wouldn't survive, and I exited the relationship, you know it wasn't worth bringing the lover with you.
• 7:10
  Polly Mertens: Yeah and it was part of the strategy.
• 7:12
  Polly Mertens: Okay, as well as like you know, this isn't going where I want it to go, so anyway.
• 7:16
  Polly Mertens: So you know, capital F's like you know what, if small amount of money you know saved, don't know what I'm gonna do after pursuing that MBA.
• 7:26
  Polly Mertens: So okay, you got a year and a half, two years to figure that out, I guess.
• 7:29
  Polly Mertens: New town, new start, new friends, new like whoa right, whoa yeah, whoa.
• 7:35
  Polly Mertens: Whole lot of identity shifting so.
• 7:38
  Polly Mertens: And then, you know, so fast forward.
• 7:39
  Polly Mertens: So that was one time.
• 7:40
  Polly Mertens: Another time did it when I Divorced.
• 7:44
  Polly Mertens: My husband at the time sold my house, jumped in the RV, wait hold on the first bundle was in your 20s Okay, got you.
• 7:53
  Samantha Pruitt: Now we're 40s Okay, tracking, yeah.
• 7:56
  Polly Mertens: So Leave a six-figure job, leave a husband, sell a house jumping an RV dramatic life, just poof, still bundling, yeah so and.
• 8:07
  Polly Mertens: And then the third one was most recently was similarly not full-time I'm, but I am looking for new, like we're down here in beautiful Palm Springs area, laquita, and that was a step from where I've been living for the last 20 years or more.
• 8:22
  Polly Mertens: So, left a relationship, left you know good income, left that area and Still don't know what the future holds, you might say right.
• 8:31
  Polly Mertens: So something we talked about just before, as I was sharing this is you know, I'm very big in understanding what's called neuro linguistic programming.
• 8:41
  Polly Mertens: It's how the mind stores Our stories, are our past or our relationship to things.
• 8:47
  Polly Mertens: So, as I told you these three stories, my relationship, I would say, to my experience in my 20s Was I was this little tiny person standing on the top of a really big skyscraper.
• 8:58
  Polly Mertens: Okay and that felt like a huge leap and I still did it.
• 9:02
  Polly Mertens: Oh, you know the falling, like what's gonna happen.
• 9:06
  Polly Mertens: And in my 40s it felt like maybe a four-story building and I wasn't like human size, like my normal size, let's say so, you know, human size person standing on the top of a four-story building.
• 9:17
  Polly Mertens: And most recently in my relationship I would say to how I just transformed last year, big pivot year, was like I'm huge, like I'm like what are the jack and the bean stuff, barbie, you know, like from the movie, like I just got Jumbo Barbie ginormous and it.
• 9:34
  Polly Mertens: You know you could put me on any building size.
• 9:36
  Polly Mertens: However, I had a relationship to it, but I felt like I was big enough, right, like, oh yeah, I can take this on, so you know, what's fascinating is the fact that you made in each of these decades in your 20s, in your 40s and in your 50s.
• 9:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Now, these Leaps into the fear, fire, but in three areas of your life at one time don't recommend that, not saying do that.
• 10:05
  Polly Mertens: I'm just saying that's not my life.
• 10:07
  Samantha Pruitt: But it can be done and sometimes it is what is required.
• 10:12
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I guess you know when the, as they say, you know when the pain of staying the same Is greater than the pain of making the change people will change, right.
• 10:23
  Polly Mertens: Pauli makes a change when three areas of her life do not align with how she sees herself, how she wants life to be, if you will, because I am a huge believer in life by design, right.
• 10:35
  Polly Mertens: And so you know, when you get far enough down whatever ladder of success you're pursuing, or the life that you think you want, or You're in a relationship or whatever that looks like and it's not turning out Like you want, you have the power to.
• 10:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Or like you deserve.
• 10:51
  Samantha Pruitt: So I have a question for you, based on those three different instances so far in your lifetime.
• 10:57
  Samantha Pruitt: Who knows what's going to be?
• 10:58
  Polly Mertens: happening in the second half.
• 10:59
  Samantha Pruitt: Just wait, but I'm huge now in your 20s, in your 40s and then recently in your 50s, just over 50.
• 11:06
  Samantha Pruitt: Um, how did you tackle fear in those different instances?
• 11:12
  Samantha Pruitt: So the first time you were in your 20s, how did you tackle it?
• 11:15
  Samantha Pruitt: Gosh, you know, I'm not even that's a massive leap.
• 11:18
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I can't even quite remember.
• 11:20
  Polly Mertens: In my 20s there was probably 10 things I did, you know.
• 11:24
  Polly Mertens: So I think when we get to the steps that we wanna share with people, we can kind of break down some ideas.
• 11:29
  Polly Mertens: One thing that I'm a fan of and I've done this in different areas small fears and big fears, but the bigger the fear, I feel like, the more you need to spend time with it you kinda need to have a if you're going to pursue it, pass through it, change your relationship to it.
• 11:44
  Polly Mertens: It's involve spending some time with yourself and that fear that story.
• 11:48
  Polly Mertens: So I know one of the things is I wrote down all the possibilities.
• 11:52
  Samantha Pruitt: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, just same beliefs.
• 11:54
  Samantha Pruitt: So what ifs?
• 11:55
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, so like when I was sitting in Silicon Valley and I said what is the possibility of moving to San Luis Obispo?
• 11:59
  Polly Mertens: Not having work?
• 12:00
  Polly Mertens: Like no relationship.
• 12:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Being by yourself, Knowing no one right, what could that look like?
• 12:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Right and so just and having no money, well, we're gonna eat top ramen, we're gonna live with a friend, I mean.
• 12:14
  Samantha Pruitt: So you work through it.
• 12:15
  Samantha Pruitt: You literally like make a list and work through it.
• 12:17
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, and I would say at some point need to A look at yourself and say what are the?
• 12:24
  Polly Mertens: How resourceful am I?
• 12:25
  Polly Mertens: Can I find a job?
• 12:28
  Polly Mertens: Can I tackle if this shows up?
• 12:31
  Polly Mertens: Can I tackle if that shows up?
• 12:32
  Polly Mertens: What if I do this?
• 12:33
  Polly Mertens: What if I do that?
• 12:34
  Polly Mertens: And that's based on either some experience you've had or just a belief in yourself or pulling on experiences you've had in other areas of your life.
• 12:43
  Polly Mertens: So at that time in my 20s I had still been doing quite a bit of traveling and one of the things I wanted to say is are you travel and trying first?
• 12:52
  Polly Mertens: Experiences are huge growth opportunities, cause then things are gonna break down Like get out of your comfort zone people.
• 12:58
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, so like we live out of a backpack, backpacking, backpacking, like I was like.
• 13:03
  Polly Mertens: Why are you advising it's like, go backpacking.
• 13:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Or, like you, travel international with a backpack and live out of the backpack.
• 13:10
  Samantha Pruitt: You did that.
• 13:11
  Samantha Pruitt: That's real life there, yeah, by yourself.
• 13:13
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, I mean yeah, okay, If you don't think it's safe or whatever okay, whatever your fear level is, Like I was like all right, just get a passport, get a whatever.
• 13:21
  Polly Mertens: And now I travel internationally, go to I might have been to Columbia all sorts of countries that people wouldn't necessarily think that's safe or whatever.
• 13:28
  Polly Mertens: I'm alive, you know.
• 13:29
  Polly Mertens: So that's that resilience, that resourcefulness, that self belief that gets created, I think, over time.
• 13:37
  Polly Mertens: You know, as a 50-something year old woman now, I have a long history of the resourcefulness that I grew in other areas.
• 13:44
  Polly Mertens: You know, not necessarily.
• 13:46
  Polly Mertens: You know it wasn't like I've left 15 jobs in my life.
• 13:49
  Polly Mertens: Maybe I haven't.
• 13:50
  Samantha Pruitt: No, I was gonna say don't make us count.
• 13:53
  Polly Mertens: But, like you know, having it, having the resourcefulness and building the tool kit, the muscles and mental stamina in other areas like oh well, I could probably find a job, I could probably find a place to live, I can probably you know whatever.
• 14:09
  Polly Mertens: Tell yourself, it doesn't have to necessarily be built in that one area, right.
• 14:13
  Polly Mertens: So, somebody having a relationship that they're leaving.
• 14:16
  Polly Mertens: Maybe they are strong in you know, resourceful in building businesses or something it's like yeah okay, well, you can find another relationship.
• 14:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Mm-hmm mm-hmm.
• 14:24
  Samantha Pruitt: That's so awesome, that's so awesome You're.
• 14:29
  Polly Mertens: I mean, you've got mountains.
• 14:31
  Samantha Pruitt: I've done the big S and the little S.
• 14:33
  Polly Mertens: Let's talk about the little one.
• 14:34
  Polly Mertens: This morning, like this morning, you go to the gym.
• 14:36
  Samantha Pruitt: And so little Fs.
• 14:38
  Samantha Pruitt: You were really reciting some personal big Fs and I've done those too.
• 14:43
  Samantha Pruitt: Quit the job, quit the relationship, move, do the thing radical.
• 14:46
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, big Fs are effing fun, but little f's are critical building blocks to be able to do the big f's.
• 14:56
  Samantha Pruitt: So a lot of people out there, you know, maybe haven't had something go all that terribly wrong or they're not suffering that much in their life or haven't as of yet, and that's okay, right, but it doesn't mean they don't need to build the f muscle and do the little f's.
• 15:12
  Samantha Pruitt: So little f's, a really simple one.
• 15:15
  Samantha Pruitt: That happened today at the gym that I shared with you.
• 15:17
  Samantha Pruitt: I'll share with you.
• 15:17
  Samantha Pruitt: Audiences Went into the gym.
• 15:20
  Samantha Pruitt: I do crossfit on top of all the other shenanigans I'm up to.
• 15:23
  Samantha Pruitt: Sometimes you go, I have no idea.
• 15:26
  Samantha Pruitt: I don't look at the workout in advance.
• 15:28
  Samantha Pruitt: A lot of people do.
• 15:28
  Samantha Pruitt: That's not part of my MO.
• 15:30
  Samantha Pruitt: So, roland, don't know what is expected.
• 15:33
  Samantha Pruitt: And then we're all looking at the workout and the coaches talking us through and demonstrating the workout and the fear is growing.
• 15:39
  Samantha Pruitt: And the fear is mounting the terror on my face and my compadres in the gym Literally we're all staring at each other like what is happening.
• 15:49
  Samantha Pruitt: That was a Metcon If anyone's a crossfitter they'll know what I'm talking about there and basically we had to do a series of very challenging exercises, repeatedly, alternating exercises over and over, and very difficult moves.
• 16:08
  Samantha Pruitt: So toes to bar, you know devil's press, which is a burpee into a dumbbell shoulder, like all these things, rowing, whatever and we had to do all of those things repeatedly in under a 20 minute time.
• 16:22
  Polly Mertens: So you're standing there like oh, fear is mounting.
• 16:28
  Samantha Pruitt: So what does?
• 16:28
  Polly Mertens: that feel like in the body.
• 16:29
  Polly Mertens: What's your experience?
• 16:30
  Samantha Pruitt: So anxiety is a really normal reaction.
• 16:34
  Samantha Pruitt: If there's some fear, usually it'll start bubbling as a little anxiety, like you know.
• 16:38
  Samantha Pruitt: It can be a little sweaty, a little heart palpitation, like what's about to happen.
• 16:42
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, your breathing might shift, your body chemistry is definitely shifting, by the way, when all these things are happening and it can run away from you.
• 16:50
  Samantha Pruitt: So if you don't build these small F's on a regular basis and these muscles, then it will run away from you.
• 16:57
  Samantha Pruitt: So, public speaking, it runs away from people all the time.
• 17:01
  Samantha Pruitt: Right, that's an example of it just goes and they can't function.
• 17:04
  Samantha Pruitt: So have a conversation with the small F, recognize what's happening and be friends with it, right.
• 17:12
  Polly Mertens: Embrace it, and I think something we talked about in another episode on emotional fitness is like we do our emotions.
• 17:18
  Polly Mertens: So you are the one having that emotion in the moment.
• 17:23
  Samantha Pruitt: You are not the emotion.
• 17:24
  Polly Mertens: Yes, we can be triggered.
• 17:25
  Polly Mertens: You know you were very triggered, totally Boom Like.
• 17:28
  Polly Mertens: The story was like oh, it's about to happen here.
• 17:32
  Samantha Pruitt: This is going to hurt and I can't do it.
• 17:37
  Polly Mertens: Failure is inevitable so the story shows up.
• 17:39
  Polly Mertens: The story showed up and that's what puts the fear there.
• 17:43
  Polly Mertens: It's like, oh crap, I'm not going to get this done.
• 17:46
  Samantha Pruitt: Then what Then?
• 17:47
  Polly Mertens: what?
• 17:47
  Polly Mertens: And then whatever the mind goes on to say Right.
• 17:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Yes, and you get that trigger of all those emotions and all those chemicals, like you said.
• 17:55
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, and the environment was feeding that because everyone else was having the same reaction.
• 17:59
  Polly Mertens: We're all like oh my.
• 18:00
  Samantha Pruitt: God, we're all right.
• 18:01
  Samantha Pruitt: So we're all like triggering each other, and then we're gathering the equipment that's required for this insane workout and then we're all sort of you know getting our, and I was like settle down Sam.
• 18:12
  Samantha Pruitt: So that's where emotional fitness, that's the fitness, Emotional fitness muscles had to be exercised and it was definitely my own mental strength, flexibility and endurance to be able to be strong enough to handle what was about to happen, no matter if I failed to be flexible and nimble enough to adapt if need be Right, and then to have the endurance to show the hell up and go the distance.
• 18:40
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm committed to myself, my personal health, fitness, wellness, my physical goals, all the things Growing as a human being.
• 18:49
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm so committed to that journey that I have those things and I will exercise them as often as possible so I get better at navigating these things and what I think is important to point out in this moment is you stepped up for yourself, like you didn't let fear.
• 19:05
  Polly Mertens: You know that could have gone incredibly downhill and what would have probably showed up is lack of performance, you stopping or giving up or doing it half-assed we talked about.
• 19:17
  Polly Mertens: When fear show up, there's like three things Do nothing, do nothing Like leave the building Run.
• 19:22
  Polly Mertens: So do nothing.
• 19:24
  Polly Mertens: Like don't change the relationship, don't change the work.
• 19:27
  Polly Mertens: You know, whatever Don't do what your heart is calling you to do, do it anyway, like you know some people do half-assed.
• 19:32
  Polly Mertens: You know so you're doing it, but you're kind of like skulking through that fear.
• 19:37
  Polly Mertens: You're just sort of like this doesn't feel good.
• 19:39
  Polly Mertens: Or then there's like I'm freaking, doing this Right, like look out, like burning bridges as you go, all in Right, and I think you would say in that exercise you're like I'm all in right.
• 19:53
  Samantha Pruitt: I went all in and, to be clear, I was not sure what was going to happen.
• 20:00
  Samantha Pruitt: I really had some legitimate fear of failing and not actually meeting the time hack.
• 20:07
  Samantha Pruitt: That's a very reasonable assumption for me to have made.
• 20:10
  Samantha Pruitt: It doesn't matter.
• 20:12
  Samantha Pruitt: I was still willing to go all in A see what was possible, do my very best and see what would happen next, irrelevant of the failure.
• 20:23
  Samantha Pruitt: So I leaped into the fire.
• 20:25
  Polly Mertens: That's how I look at it so fast forward.
• 20:27
  Polly Mertens: You know you finish in 16 minutes and you come back.
• 20:31
  Polly Mertens: How did you feel after that?
• 20:34
  Samantha Pruitt: I am telling you girl.
• 20:37
  Polly Mertens: You probably peeled out.
• 20:39
  Samantha Pruitt: I finished that workout under the time hack, and not only under the time hack.
• 20:45
  Samantha Pruitt: I freaking blew it up, I crushed it.
• 20:48
  Samantha Pruitt: 16 minutes.
• 20:49
  Samantha Pruitt: I blew my own mind 16 minutes and four seconds.
• 20:52
  Samantha Pruitt: I didn't think I could do it under 20 minutes, so I blew my own mind and of course I celebrated.
• 20:58
  Samantha Pruitt: But I also, like, took a moment to recognize the conquering of that fear and the understanding of a fully developed emotional fitness.
• 21:09
  Samantha Pruitt: You know repertoire toolbox that allowed me to navigate that and make that happen.
• 21:14
  Samantha Pruitt: And then I went and celebrated with coffee.
• 21:16
  Samantha Pruitt: Of course that's what I do all the time.
• 21:18
  Polly Mertens: Celebrate, celebrate, and the rest of your day is standing on the shoulders of that success.
• 21:26
  Samantha Pruitt: That is 1000%.
• 21:27
  Samantha Pruitt: Not the rest of my day, the rest of my life, lady, it will be stacking absolutely.
• 21:32
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, because I walk into that gym five days a week and I walk into workouts anywhere from seven to 14 times a week.
• 21:42
  Samantha Pruitt: Extrapolate that over my month and year towards my goal this year of Iron Woman and Chattanooga in the spring, or, sorry, in the fall.
• 21:52
  Samantha Pruitt: That's a lot of building of the mind and also the mind you walk into the rest of your life.
• 21:59
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, every arena You're likely to make different decisions.
• 22:02
  Polly Mertens: Different choices, different conversations will be had.
• 22:05
  Polly Mertens: I mean, we walked into this podcast.
• 22:07
  Polly Mertens: I was like I think she's going to talk a little louder than usual, because there's so much energy, you have blown your own mind.
• 22:13
  Polly Mertens: You've raised your vibration.
• 22:15
  Polly Mertens: We talked about you're like vying at this lookout world I can do anything.
• 22:21
  Polly Mertens: State right that's possible in that state is so much more potential than in a low state.
• 22:28
  Samantha Pruitt: And how it translates what you're saying.
• 22:29
  Samantha Pruitt: How does it translate into your relationship life with your people?
• 22:33
  Samantha Pruitt: How does it translate into your work life with your team or with your business, or how you perceive what's going on in your professional space?
• 22:40
  Polly Mertens: And I think part of what this story tells me is sometimes a lot of little F fear and overcome, fear and overcome.
• 22:47
  Polly Mertens: I call them small wins, like do things that you think are small or hard or whatever, and having those wins with yourself builds what you just described those muscles yeah, those muscles.
• 22:59
  Samantha Pruitt: So that's fear of failure.
• 23:01
  Samantha Pruitt: Let's talk about fear of success.
• 23:02
  Samantha Pruitt: So one of the things that was really interesting for me when I got really into coaching above and beyond the personal training and the endurance sports and triathlon and running on all that stuff and really moved into the arena of the deeper level with the human, is so many people had high, high hopes and goals for their life.
• 23:26
  Samantha Pruitt: So in all areas and as we would start to peel back those layers and explore what was possible for them and new strategies, new skills, etc.
• 23:36
  Samantha Pruitt: Over and over and over again, I would come against their wall of fear.
• 23:42
  Samantha Pruitt: But it was directly related to if they succeed.
• 23:46
  Samantha Pruitt: So a lot of these people had worked through the figure of failure piece, were willing to try and go again anyway and show up and show up and show up, like we just discussed.
• 23:54
  Samantha Pruitt: But there was this other thing still looming and it fascinated me and then I actually started to really look at myself and say, hey, I think I'm doing this also.
• 24:07
  Samantha Pruitt: Can you speak to fear of success a little bit and your ideas about that?
• 24:12
  Polly Mertens: Well, I would say briefly there there are some of interrelated, you know, as we've both alluded to, a lot of it's this inner conversation that story that's going on and so fear of success.
• 24:24
  Polly Mertens: Sometimes, when it manifests it looks like super high expectations not going to meet them it can.
• 24:31
  Polly Mertens: People are telling themselves often a story that if I have success it's going to lead to bad things such as isolation, loneliness.
• 24:43
  Polly Mertens: They fear they're going to change in a way that's going to be bad, detrimental either to their relationships, you know so people will leave me, people will think I have so much money so they won't like me anymore.
• 24:54
  Polly Mertens: What will people think if I, you know, like all this outer right?
• 24:58
  Polly Mertens: They just have a negative association, whatever that looks like, to having the success, the achievement of I, if I lost all this weight and I, like you know, so one, you know I was talking with a client the other day is, you know, carrying around 10 or 20 extra pounds, and a female, not a male, but carrying around 10 or 20 extra pounds, I say weight is often a symptom.
• 25:22
  Polly Mertens: And there's usually a cause that you have to look somewhere else.
• 25:24
  Polly Mertens: So sometimes when we'll carry extra weight as a way of not, you know, seeing themselves as attractive, because then it would attract too much attention, as an example right, so then they'd have this attention on them, and they don't want that.
• 25:38
  Samantha Pruitt: Right.
• 25:38
  Polly Mertens: So that's just one example.
• 25:40
  Polly Mertens: But how about?
• 25:40
  Samantha Pruitt: you Just to dovetail on that real quick.
• 25:43
  Samantha Pruitt: I've seen that a lot too, where people are carrying extra weight or they're just making bad nutritional choices for their body and brain, irrelevant if they have any extra weight or not, and they directly correlate those bad choices to community and who they choose to eat and drink with and all the behaviors that are not serving their body and brain.
• 26:05
  Samantha Pruitt: But they don't want to change that because what would happen to the connections with those humans and they would feel a sense of rejection from society, or from their tribe, if you will, if they made those changes.
• 26:16
  Samantha Pruitt: That's also super common.
• 26:18
  Polly Mertens: And you know, with the sea level people that we coach, you know, let's say it's a sea level female and a lot of like what will happen if I, you know, we talked about.
• 26:27
  Polly Mertens: You know, a lot of people will maybe pursue success and achieve it and then like, but that's not the only thing that they want, Right, Living these sort of quiet lives of desperation because they don't have the body that they want to take care of.
• 26:42
  Polly Mertens: You know they don't feel good in their body.
• 26:43
  Polly Mertens: They're not taking vacations.
• 26:44
  Polly Mertens: That doesn't feel good to anybody.
• 26:46
  Polly Mertens: Sorry you know, you can they're not having deep relationships are not having deep relationships.
• 26:50
  Polly Mertens: It's very lopsided life.
• 26:52
  Polly Mertens: And you know they've created this outer like oh, what will people think if I have bounced?
• 26:59
  Polly Mertens: don't hustle as much you know, take a step back, take some time off, whatever, right, so?
• 27:04
  Polly Mertens: So it's kind of a lingering fear, I would say, at least with the fear of success.
• 27:09
  Polly Mertens: The success has its own personality or identity.
• 27:14
  Polly Mertens: And who would I be, you know that imposter Like what?
• 27:17
  Polly Mertens: Would what would that mean if I wasn't?
• 27:19
  Polly Mertens: You know, crushing myself, crushing my body, you know how will I be seen and perceived?
• 27:25
  Samantha Pruitt: And then, of course, there's the I'm not worthy.
• 27:28
  Polly Mertens: Which is the root of every, all of it, all things.
• 27:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, all of it.
• 27:32
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, you know the.
• 27:33
  Polly Mertens: I think what you described in your story is the perfect or not perfect, but is the ideal scenario of how to transform that relationship to I am worthy because there is no.
• 27:45
  Polly Mertens: I am worthy in your body, when you just showed yourself what you're capable of Exactly.
• 27:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Like there's.
• 27:51
  Polly Mertens: No, I am not worthy living in your body.
• 27:53
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, your vibration is aligned with who you're seeing yourself as, as your potential like you even blew your mind where you thought your potential was like oh my God, if I can do that right.
• 28:02
  Samantha Pruitt: And I would say, like we did, that you have to do it over and over and over again, right you?
• 28:06
  Samantha Pruitt: And I are not saying we're champions of all things in the world and crushing all areas.
• 28:11
  Samantha Pruitt: We thrive, we seek and thrive off of the opportunity to leap into the fire, to be clear, fire being fear, and you know what's possible for us.
• 28:22
  Samantha Pruitt: And so it's a mindset shift that then, in turn, changes your thoughts and then your actions towards actually showing up and doing the things, because most people just wouldn't even show up, they would stay home.
• 28:37
  Polly Mertens: And I'd love to translate some of this to the steps and things.
• 28:40
  Polly Mertens: One of the things that I saw just in my last couple of weeks, as I'm starting my Ironman training is spending more time on the bike.
• 28:48
  Samantha Pruitt: Oh my gosh, we're right, yeah, right.
• 28:51
  Polly Mertens: She's a roadie, now, you know.
• 28:52
  Polly Mertens: And like, if you tell me oh, I gotta do four hours of hiking or running or something like that, like, okay, like.
• 28:57
  Samantha Pruitt: I can get up for that.
• 28:58
  Polly Mertens: But like working up towards more and more biking, I can feel my inner resolve growing like such a badass.
• 29:07
  Polly Mertens: Like getting myself to like this morning.
• 29:09
  Polly Mertens: I was like, okay, get up, because I was going to go for an outdoor ride.
• 29:12
  Polly Mertens: That didn't happen, go for an indoor ride.
• 29:14
  Polly Mertens: I'm like I'm sitting in that bike for 40 to give me fucking minutes and nothing is happening besides me and that pedal and that damn machine.
• 29:22
  Polly Mertens: You know, as they say, like people will die before, like I'm doing that and I did that and then I went and ran for five minutes just to feel that funkiness of transition, right, that happens in triathlon.
• 29:34
  Polly Mertens: I was like give me anything today.
• 29:37
  Polly Mertens: Exactly, you know exactly.
• 29:39
  Polly Mertens: So, I do agree with you that the physical resilience, those moments where we do things that we don't think we can, or hard, or whatever our personal limitations that we set upon ourselves when we push past those, you can translate that into so many areas of your life.
• 29:54
  Samantha Pruitt: I just got this good visual when you were telling that story of you chewing on coal before you jumped into the fire and using that as your fuel, and then jumping into the fire and like that being your fuel source, and then, of course we know, coal transforming into diamonds, right?
• 30:11
  Samantha Pruitt: So that whole process of like chewing on the coal and jumping in the fire.
• 30:16
  Samantha Pruitt: I was like, yes, and what's fun about this, too, is, you know, we're not even we're not doing this together, like I'm going to a totally different gym doing different things, you're doing different things, but we're having this really shared journey and what's important to us is sharing it with the audience and taking them on the journey with us, because we want them to be challenging themselves.
• 30:34
  Samantha Pruitt: We're not here to talk about what we're up to every day.
• 30:36
  Samantha Pruitt: We're here to talk about what you can be up to Absolutely Okay human.
• 30:39
  Samantha Pruitt: So let's dig into that.
• 30:41
  Samantha Pruitt: I want to unpack secondarily, like never mind all of these things, what they are and what they smell like and taste like, and you know the suffering that can happen, but why you do it.
• 30:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Let's get some actionable steps for people.
• 30:55
  Polly Mertens: I think one of the things that we just talked about that I just epiphany is like challenging yourself Like that's how I look at it is like whatever.
• 31:03
  Polly Mertens: That is right.
• 31:04
  Polly Mertens: So we have talked a lot today about the physical challenges and that really translates, I think, to a state in the body.
• 31:11
  Polly Mertens: But like, whatever that challenge is for anyone who's listening, like if you're listening to this and whatever is challenging for you, it might not be physical, Like you totally got that or you just are like I'm going to use a relationship as an example.
• 31:24
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, because a lot of people post pandemic world now, you know, got into very dysfunctional relationships during the pandemic because they were locked inside with people that made them crazy or, you know, they zoomed themselves to death, whatever it was.
• 31:38
  Samantha Pruitt: But the relationship with other humans became complicated.
• 31:42
  Polly Mertens: And maybe with their intimate partner.
• 31:44
  Polly Mertens: You know so like what would be.
• 31:45
  Polly Mertens: So here's an example.
• 31:46
  Polly Mertens: So one of the things when I entered into a relationship not that long ago that I challenged myself to do, you know, and I had other things tied to this and I can explain why, but anyway, the challenge was send my partner a love note every day.
• 32:00
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay.
• 32:01
  Polly Mertens: And so I did that for at least two years.
• 32:03
  Polly Mertens: Like two years, oh yeah, yeah what, and maybe even more, but I know for fact every day.
• 32:12
  Samantha Pruitt: Was this in a form of a text or a post?
• 32:14
  Samantha Pruitt: It note yes.
• 32:15
  Polly Mertens: Dang and I would sometimes would need more.
• 32:18
  Polly Mertens: You know, but you know.
• 32:20
  Polly Mertens: So if you talk about relationships, what are you committed to?
• 32:24
  Samantha Pruitt: What are you committed to?
• 32:24
  Polly Mertens: Like what would be a challenge for you, like for me.
• 32:27
  Polly Mertens: That like, yes, I have good discipline muscles of that, but but it was the thought, it was the thinking of the other person, it was the imagining our life together.
• 32:35
  Polly Mertens: It was, you know, it was like putting my love out there, you know, in a people, a disciplined, way yeah Right Like focusing on what I wanted more of in my life, which was love flowing.
• 32:44
  Polly Mertens: So, what's challenging for you.
• 32:47
  Polly Mertens: It doesn't have to be physical.
• 32:48
  Polly Mertens: It could be something like this you know whatever, so, so, yeah, so, finding something that's challenging to you, putting yourself up against it and doing it, and it might blow your mind.
• 32:59
  Polly Mertens: I think the other one, as I pointed out in my story, is really looking at the scenarios.
• 33:05
  Polly Mertens: If you've got a big F, I think, the more you can do to like play out all the scenarios right, all down, don't just mental masturbation and think about it.
• 33:15
  Polly Mertens: All the rumination is ruins the good mind, it ruins the good mind.
• 33:19
  Samantha Pruitt: It's a death nail of everything.
• 33:20
  Samantha Pruitt: So I think a possible outcome.
• 33:22
  Polly Mertens: So remember your mind is focusing on what could go wrong, but what could go right is also available, so give it as much airtime.
• 33:30
  Samantha Pruitt: Okay, and write it down.
• 33:31
  Samantha Pruitt: And write it down, okay.
• 33:33
  Samantha Pruitt: And then I would say, after all that, show up and do something.
• 33:40
  Samantha Pruitt: You know, I know I default to activity and using the physical body for change in transformation, but I believe so strongly that in the emotional fitness arena, all of these things to actually elevate your psychological state, your mental health and well-being, you know your highest calibration in the world does require utilizing the physical body.
• 34:03
  Samantha Pruitt: So simple things like showing up at the gym or at the starting line of an event, or committing to register for an event or whatever, somehow showing up into making a physical commitment to yourself and walking into the room is the first step, yeah, telling the person that you're struggling with like we need to have a conversation right or show up show up or, you know, put some vacation time on your calendar if you haven't given yourself vacation right.
• 34:32
  Polly Mertens: Or hire an assistant or whatever it is like.
• 34:34
  Polly Mertens: Take an action.
• 34:36
  Polly Mertens: You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take one.
• 34:38
  Polly Mertens: You know that first step wholeheartedly.
• 34:41
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, I mean, for a lot of people, they maybe need to invest in some self-care, and so it would be maybe utilizing some of the money that they've made and the time and energy that they have, which is, these are the big resources that all humans have to some varying level, and investing it in a physical process.
• 35:00
  Samantha Pruitt: So it could be massage, acupuncture.
• 35:03
  Samantha Pruitt: Massage therapy is obviously great, any kind of physical body work, but it could also be emotional work with a coach or with a therapist, so redirecting some of the things that they value so greatly back into themselves in a different way.
• 35:19
  Polly Mertens: Very invest.
• 35:20
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, Redefine what it looks like for them their life wholeheartedly right, I would say from a mental kind of emotional standpoint, you know, in the mindset.
• 35:30
  Polly Mertens: So you pointed out beautifully that in that moment when you were triggered in the gym this morning, you know, the mind went oh crap, I'm not gonna finish this or some version of that.
• 35:41
  Polly Mertens: It went to the dark side and I've done a lot of hard things, by the way.
• 35:45
  Samantha Pruitt: So let me just say this is normal, so it's normal, you know whatever story that showed up, but you paused.
• 35:54
  Polly Mertens: You had a moment of ability to step out of being triggered.
• 35:57
  Polly Mertens: Yeah so in that moment it was like I don't know how long it went on.
• 36:00
  Polly Mertens: Usually, emotions have about a 90 second life span.
• 36:02
  Polly Mertens: Okay so, like the chemicals flow through your body literally and then they get flushed out Because like a spike, usually, usually, unless you like to ruminate, and then you can keep yourself in all kinds of things for an endearing amount of time.
• 36:14
  Polly Mertens: Not good.
• 36:15
  Polly Mertens: So look at the story and then the beliefs you're telling yourself and see if you can debunk them right.
• 36:20
  Samantha Pruitt: So, noticing and paying attention to what is going on in that mind of?
• 36:24
  Polly Mertens: yours Exactly and refuting it, revising it, updating it, having a conversation with it.
• 36:31
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah, I call it like recalibration is the term that I like to use, but I just want to point out that managed and intentional fear, managed and intentional fear.
• 36:42
  Samantha Pruitt: So choosing to do small F's and processing that managed and intentional fear, those small F's, builds emotional fitness and resilience and self-trust and all these muscles there.
• 36:58
  Polly Mertens: They're very interrelated.
• 36:59
  Polly Mertens: So, whatever your challenges, your fears are start small.
• 37:04
  Polly Mertens: They had been the same direction.
• 37:06
  Polly Mertens: Like I talked about, like going camping can make you a better business owner, right.
• 37:10
  Samantha Pruitt: We did it.
• 37:11
  Samantha Pruitt: We did it.
• 37:12
  Polly Mertens: We're going to continue to do it.
• 37:14
  Samantha Pruitt: But the opposite of that irrational and unmanaged fear builds weakness.
• 37:19
  Samantha Pruitt: So nobody that we know, nobody listening to this, wants to continue to weaken themselves in the world, in their lives.
• 37:30
  Samantha Pruitt: They don't want that.
• 37:31
  Samantha Pruitt: So let's turn this thing around.
• 37:34
  Samantha Pruitt: We can.
• 37:34
  Samantha Pruitt: I mean, fear is natural.
• 37:35
  Samantha Pruitt: We all can face it, and some of us eat, cool and jump into the fire and also we have fun doing it.
• 37:44
  Samantha Pruitt: We laugh about it, we share stories.
• 37:46
  Samantha Pruitt: We've had epic failures.
• 37:48
  Polly Mertens: So what.
• 37:50
  Samantha Pruitt: Say that again.
• 37:51
  Samantha Pruitt: Be on the winning team or the learning team, be on the winning team or the learning team, so not hair or grass.
• 37:58
  Polly Mertens: Are you going to win?
• 37:58
  Polly Mertens: Like that 20 minutes session you had this morning, you could have been on the learning team and like, oh shoot, I lifted too much over this, or I could have partnered with someone and done something, whatever.
• 38:09
  Polly Mertens: Like you could have learned something out of that experience.
• 38:11
  Samantha Pruitt: Or you could have just been like that was just beyond my potential, but at least I gave it my best and that would have been the learning and it still would have been fun, because in that is growth.
• 38:23
  Polly Mertens: And we fear learning like fear.
• 38:25
  Samantha Pruitt: Yeah.
• 38:25
  Polly Mertens: Yeah, no, it's just the mind, the two-manual brain.
• 38:29
  Samantha Pruitt: It's the unknown it's.
• 38:31
  Polly Mertens: you know, when we're children, the mind is wide open, eager to sponge and learn, like how to walk, how to talk, how to you know all these things, how to put on our own clothes, tie our own shoes.
• 38:42
  Polly Mertens: We're constantly like, yeah, show me that, show me that.
• 38:45
  Polly Mertens: And then our mind forms and then we become this.
• 38:49
  Polly Mertens: You know, no, I'm adverse to fear, and because I don't know how to do that thing or I don't know how it's going to go, I'm not going to learn it Like.
• 38:56
  Polly Mertens: Imagine if you had said that when you didn't know how to talk or walk like that, yeah, basically what you're saying is it's not how we're meant to live.
• 39:08
  Samantha Pruitt: So let's be clear people it's not how we're meant to live.
• 39:12
  Samantha Pruitt: What is the take home message for our audience today?
• 39:15
  Polly Mertens: So our one thing if you get one thing out of this entire episode is, we would say, start a new relationship with the emotion called fear.
• 39:25
  Samantha Pruitt: Right.
• 39:25
  Polly Mertens: Fear is a thing, it's an emotion.
• 39:27
  Polly Mertens: You do it.
• 39:28
  Polly Mertens: So starting a new relationship with the emotion called fear.
• 39:31
  Polly Mertens: Instead of seeing it as a wall, begin to see it as a ladder, a way to get over what you perceive as a wall.
• 39:38
  Polly Mertens: So having a new relationship, visual one such as fear is just a ladder.
• 39:43
  Polly Mertens: I'm going to step into this.
• 39:45
  Samantha Pruitt: One rung at a time.
• 39:46
  Polly Mertens: The view is going to be amazing, amazing.
• 39:50
  Samantha Pruitt: All right, my friend, that was excellent.
• 39:51
  Samantha Pruitt: What do?
• 39:52
  Polly Mertens: we want to leave them with.
• 39:54
  Samantha Pruitt: I want to make sure these beautiful humans understand something very important.
• 39:59
  Samantha Pruitt: I'm going to be tattooing it on everybody, including myself how your life feels is more important than how it looks.
• 40:08
  Polly Mertens: Yes, and every day is your opportunity to find your awesome.
• 40:11
  Polly Mertens: Let's go do it.