Latest / DA CREW Podcast / BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS _BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS

Transcript

BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS _BELIEVE IN THE JOURNEY WITH TRIVEDA HARRIS · DA CREW Podcast

0:11
Speaker 1: She's got a story written deep within a soul page
0:16
Speaker 1: is full of battles only Heaven knows. Through the pain,
0:19
Speaker 1: through the pressure, through the tears she had to cry.
0:22
Speaker 1: She found strength in the valley and lifted her eyes
0:25
Speaker 1: South Carolina roots, but her voice travels wide, calling dreamers forward,
0:30
Speaker 1: telling fear to step aside. With every word she speaks,
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Speaker 1: somebody learns to stand because she knows what it means
0:37
Speaker 1: to be held in God's R and B.
0:54
Speaker 2: Good evening and welcome to believe in the journey where
0:57
Speaker 2: I am your host, Trevita Harris, and the guests that
0:59
Speaker 2: I have to tonight is my brother. You got have
1:02
Speaker 2: seen him many times before, but tonight we're gonna be
1:05
Speaker 2: talking about men's mental health since this is Men's Mental
1:10
Speaker 2: Health Awareness Month. I wanted to have him come on
1:14
Speaker 2: and talk to you guys because I think that it
1:18
Speaker 2: is a very important topic because we don't always talk
1:21
Speaker 2: about men's mental health. But before I bring him up,
1:25
Speaker 2: I am going to go to God in prayer because
1:28
Speaker 2: I can't do anything without going to Him first. So
1:31
Speaker 2: do happily, Father, thank you for having me today and
1:35
Speaker 2: my brother as we talk to the gentleman today because
1:40
Speaker 2: we know that they don't always get the support that
1:43
Speaker 2: they need. But you are always willing to be the
1:47
Speaker 2: listening ear. But let the words of our mouths follow
1:51
Speaker 2: upon the ears that need to hear. And let us
1:52
Speaker 2: be a guidance, a stepping stone to them that need
1:57
Speaker 2: to get to you, and be a listening ear, a
2:04
Speaker 2: helping hand to anybody that is in need, not just men,
2:09
Speaker 2: but women as well. Let them take something from tonight
2:12
Speaker 2: show that they can lead and follow you and your
2:16
Speaker 2: precious and holy name Jesus, We pray Amen, Well, come
2:24
Speaker 2: on up. I felt like this was important for us
2:28
Speaker 2: to talk about because I don't think men get the
2:32
Speaker 2: space to talk about mental health as often as they should.
2:39
Speaker 2: What do you think some of the stigmas are that
2:42
Speaker 2: are surrounding men and mental health.
2:45
Speaker 3: First, let me say thank you for having me on tonight,
2:48
Speaker 3: and to answer that question, I think a lot of
2:51
Speaker 3: men have issues where they're afraid to be vulnerable. There's
2:55
Speaker 3: not a lot of spaces that are available in order
2:58
Speaker 3: for a man to be vulnerable. There's so many pressures
3:01
Speaker 3: and things of the world that society has placed on
3:05
Speaker 3: that a man is always supposed to be strong, He's
3:09
Speaker 3: supposed to be the head. But sometimes that loads get
3:12
Speaker 3: hair gets heavy, and men don't have a lot of
3:15
Speaker 3: space too to where they can be vulnerable. It's always
3:19
Speaker 3: they feel they have to carry this macho mentality that
3:25
Speaker 3: I don't I want to I don't want to feel soft,
3:27
Speaker 3: I don't want to feel weak, or that's as they say,
3:30
Speaker 3: that's gay or no homo with all the stigma. But
3:36
Speaker 3: as I've had to learn and growing in this field
3:40
Speaker 3: and and just throughout life that some of the things
3:43
Speaker 3: that we grew up with, some of those generational curses
3:48
Speaker 3: that we had to break. I shared with the gentleman
3:53
Speaker 3: with the fraternity. We had a mental health men's awareness
3:56
Speaker 3: thing back in December of last year, and I share
4:00
Speaker 3: to share with them. It was a time to Malak.
4:03
Speaker 3: I was trying to ride his bike and he failed,
4:06
Speaker 3: and first in my mind was things from my childhood
4:09
Speaker 3: get up. I ain't raising no pump. And then I
4:11
Speaker 3: had the powers and it was like, no, he's hurt.
4:15
Speaker 3: I can show him that it's okay to acknowledge that
4:18
Speaker 3: you hurt. You fell off your bike. This is not
4:20
Speaker 3: something you've done before you were learning how to ride.
4:23
Speaker 3: So I had to step back and take a different
4:26
Speaker 3: approach to let him know that it's okay to feel
4:30
Speaker 3: those emotions. You know, it's a lot of times growing
4:32
Speaker 3: up it was showing love gets you killed, showing love
4:35
Speaker 3: makes you weak, and you know, Harvard hid those feelings
4:38
Speaker 3: away until it was later on into my middle school
4:43
Speaker 3: and high school years where I had different professors and
4:46
Speaker 3: teachers tell me that it was okay for you to
4:48
Speaker 3: express these feelings. Now I'm gonna give you his notebook
4:50
Speaker 3: and you need to write what you got me writing.
4:52
Speaker 3: I ain't never tore me to write, so it was different.
4:58
Speaker 3: But now, just even with of recent conversation that we
5:01
Speaker 3: had to kick off this month since June is me
5:03
Speaker 3: and as month, it was the earlier first Tuesday where
5:05
Speaker 3: the fraternity we get together where we just invited different
5:08
Speaker 3: men to just come out, and a lot of men
5:11
Speaker 3: in that space were excited, but still some of them
5:15
Speaker 3: was very reserved because it was like, if I share
5:18
Speaker 3: this with you in this space and I'm vulnerable, are
5:24
Speaker 3: you gonna use this against me later? And a lot
5:27
Speaker 3: of times, even in relationships, whether it's with your significant other, coworkers, friends, family,
5:33
Speaker 3: if I'm vulnerable with you with my most intimate thoughts,
5:38
Speaker 3: next time when you get mad or if you leave
5:40
Speaker 3: this space, are you gonna use that against me? And
5:44
Speaker 3: a lot of times me and they shout, they cower
5:46
Speaker 3: down because they don't want to have that come back up.
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Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think that's really true, especially for men
5:54
Speaker 4: in relationships, because as a woman, I can't say that
5:58
Speaker 4: I've been wanting to do that, but I know that
6:01
Speaker 4: there are some fem else that you that take those
6:04
Speaker 4: most sensitive times when the guy has been ultimately vulnerable
6:10
Speaker 4: and let down his guard and cried over something that
6:14
Speaker 4: was just.
6:15
Speaker 2: Hurtful to them, and then in the heat of an
6:18
Speaker 2: argument he said, well, that's why you cry or that's
6:22
Speaker 2: why you did this, and that's why you did that,
6:25
Speaker 2: and then that causes them to shut down and not
6:28
Speaker 2: share anything else, you know, with them, And then they're like,
6:34
Speaker 2: well you don't talk to me anymore. Well, you close
6:37
Speaker 2: the door when you threw the most vulnerable space that
6:41
Speaker 2: I ever felt vulnerable with you back in my face.
6:44
Speaker 2: So I don't feel comfortable. So I feel like as
6:49
Speaker 2: far as me and now, one thing I can say
6:51
Speaker 2: that I had to apologize to my boys for once
6:54
Speaker 2: I realized the damage that I had caused them because
6:59
Speaker 2: you don't realize, like, as you said, when we grew up,
7:02
Speaker 2: it was boys didn't cry. And when my boys would
7:07
Speaker 2: cry and they would do that, I had nicknames for them,
7:11
Speaker 2: and it was I hate just saying, but this is
7:16
Speaker 2: what their nicknames were. It was Debbie and Amber, and
7:21
Speaker 2: so I took their initials from their middle names. And
7:25
Speaker 2: when they would cry and be crying for what I
7:28
Speaker 2: felt was no reason for them to be crying, I
7:32
Speaker 2: would say, okay, Debbie and Amber, since you want to cry,
7:36
Speaker 2: this is how I'm going to address you until you
7:39
Speaker 2: get it together and do what you're supposed to do.
7:41
Speaker 2: And nine times I ten it would be something as
7:44
Speaker 2: simple as them, you know, needing to clean up their
7:47
Speaker 2: room and them not wanting to do it, and they
7:49
Speaker 2: would be crying because of that. Now, if they got hurt,
7:52
Speaker 2: it would be different. But I still had to go
7:55
Speaker 2: back and apologize to them for doing that as I
7:59
Speaker 2: realized that they still had they needed the space and
8:02
Speaker 2: the opportunity to even be able to do that and
8:05
Speaker 2: express themselves in that manner. And so now they laugh
8:10
Speaker 2: about it now, but still and it's like I still
8:14
Speaker 2: had to go back and apologize because that wasn't right
8:17
Speaker 2: for me to do that, and for me to admit
8:20
Speaker 2: that that was something that I did that was, you know,
8:25
Speaker 2: a level of maturity on my end, because that was
8:28
Speaker 2: from my own childhood that I learned and I had
8:32
Speaker 2: to go back and correct that mistake on my own
8:34
Speaker 2: behalf now. Of course, you know your nephews, they're like, okay, mom,
8:38
Speaker 2: it just is what it is. But they are now
8:43
Speaker 2: in a space to where they are very vulnerable with
8:47
Speaker 2: me and they cry with me. They they share their
8:51
Speaker 2: emotions with me, and it's a good thing to see
8:56
Speaker 2: because they would not always do that.
9:01
Speaker 3: And there's a lot of me that that don't feel
9:03
Speaker 3: safe in relationships, whether it's with family, with their significant other,
9:08
Speaker 3: with their friends, or whomever. They don't feel safe creating
9:14
Speaker 3: space to where they can latch on and utilize those
9:18
Speaker 3: emotional regulation skills. Like now, we have so many guys
9:23
Speaker 3: and young adults who are sitting in a box because
9:27
Speaker 3: they didn't have the emotional regulation skills to process their
9:30
Speaker 3: emotions and drastically they made a terrible decision in the
9:34
Speaker 3: midst of and the heated moment that altered their perspective
9:40
Speaker 3: in the rest of their lives. So it's very important
9:43
Speaker 3: that men understand that it's okay to not be Okay,
9:47
Speaker 3: you're not You're not gonna feel on cloud nine every day.
9:52
Speaker 3: It's just part of it. It's just it's just not
9:54
Speaker 3: normal for a person to just be one hundred all
9:56
Speaker 3: the time, because that means that you were you were
9:59
Speaker 3: practicing unemotional avoidance type behavior. Nobody is one hundred percent
10:06
Speaker 3: all the time. There's something And sometimes when I'm in
10:09
Speaker 3: sessions and I ask families when when we're teaching parenting
10:12
Speaker 3: classes on Monday and Tuesday night, I asked a simple question,
10:15
Speaker 3: is there a such thing as a functional family? Sometimes
10:18
Speaker 3: I get the answer yes, and sometimes I get no.
10:21
Speaker 3: And I was like, okay, so tell me what happens
10:24
Speaker 3: when if you feel that there's no that there is
10:26
Speaker 3: a perfect thing as a functional family, Then what happened
10:30
Speaker 3: when discord shows up? And then the room then the
10:33
Speaker 3: room goes silent Because I use these different scenarios and
10:36
Speaker 3: stuff when I'm in session and even when I'm teaching
10:38
Speaker 3: parenting classes to show that people are we are, We're human,
10:42
Speaker 3: we deal with different stuff differently, and as far as
10:45
Speaker 3: me and just like we had a conversation this past
10:51
Speaker 3: Saturday with the men at the church to kick off
10:55
Speaker 3: the men's Men's Month with fellowship and stuff with the
10:59
Speaker 3: men's breakfast that we have at and the conversation shifted
11:04
Speaker 3: because it was a it was a dark cloud and
11:06
Speaker 3: we lost a real, very important member of our house
11:10
Speaker 3: at the church who the deacon, who everybody loved, and
11:14
Speaker 3: a door and so it was just a dark cloud
11:16
Speaker 3: over this thing. Man. But I shared with the men
11:18
Speaker 3: on Saturday that it's okay to not be okay. But
11:24
Speaker 3: it's different when you're dealing with a significant other family member,
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Speaker 3: a loved one who has been diagnosed with something or
11:32
Speaker 3: has been in a situation. Because the first response from
11:35
Speaker 3: a man is to I need to fix it, right,
11:39
Speaker 3: It's just how we're built. But what happens in those moments.
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Speaker 2: When you can't fix it.
11:45
Speaker 3: And that weight is on you and all eyes are
11:49
Speaker 3: on you, and you're like, oh, well, I don't know
11:52
Speaker 3: where to go, I don't know what to do, I
11:53
Speaker 3: don't know what to turn. So it's being able to
11:57
Speaker 3: tap into your accountability partners and all like, hey, man,
12:01
Speaker 3: this is heavy for me. I need I need your help.
12:04
Speaker 3: I can't carry this alone. So what can you offer me?
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Speaker 2: Yeah? What do you think the stigma is when it
12:13
Speaker 2: comes to men and mental health as a whole, because
12:19
Speaker 2: I look at it as especially in the black community,
12:25
Speaker 2: when you're talking about seeing a therapist, it's mostly frowned upon.
12:32
Speaker 2: We don't it's the old saying, what happens in this
12:35
Speaker 2: house stays in this house, and it's not a good it's.
12:42
Speaker 3: Not a good thing that we got to kill that
12:46
Speaker 3: we Sometimes we're talking to some of my some of
12:49
Speaker 3: my fraternity brothers and some of my some of my
12:51
Speaker 3: friends and still guys from high school. Man, I ain't crazy,
12:54
Speaker 3: I ain't going to talk to nobody. And it's always
12:57
Speaker 3: I think society has placed a damper on counseling or therapy,
13:04
Speaker 3: however you want to frame it as it's some negative thing.
13:10
Speaker 3: If you're sick, you're going to go to the doctor,
13:12
Speaker 3: if there's something when you're going to the doctor. This
13:16
Speaker 3: is and I look at and it's most times when
13:19
Speaker 3: I'm in session with clients or even when I'm in
13:22
Speaker 3: the mode of teaching class, I'm telling them, don't look
13:26
Speaker 3: at this as that you're coming to therapy. Don't look
13:29
Speaker 3: at this as a counseling session. Don't look at this
13:31
Speaker 3: that you're coming to class to come to class, We're
13:34
Speaker 3: just gonna have a conversation. And I think if we
13:37
Speaker 3: can frame the narrative behind it to where I'm just
13:41
Speaker 3: teaching you how to have a conversation that can tap
13:45
Speaker 3: into your emotions, that can tap into how you process
13:50
Speaker 3: and how you look at things from a different lens,
13:54
Speaker 3: it will shape a different part of conversation. Because I
13:57
Speaker 3: tell my clients at the time, like I'm only one
14:00
Speaker 3: hour from being on the other side of the desk,
14:02
Speaker 3: because when I leave here, I don't know what God
14:05
Speaker 3: is gonna throw with me, right. I used that as
14:08
Speaker 3: a prime example. It's just like November of last year.
14:10
Speaker 3: I had just finished at the office. It was on
14:14
Speaker 3: my way home, sitting at a light, and a car
14:17
Speaker 3: ran a light and after t boning somebody else, now
14:22
Speaker 3: I'm on the other side of the desk because it's like, dang,
14:25
Speaker 3: I'm minding my business and I don't got hit, right,
14:28
Speaker 3: there ain't nothing to nobouty. I'm minding my business and
14:31
Speaker 3: now I'm calling somebody else's mess exactly.
14:35
Speaker 2: And I remember my first time, like I was at
14:39
Speaker 2: the doctor's office and I was I guess I have
14:43
Speaker 2: been doing too much crying or whatever, and the doctor
14:48
Speaker 2: was like, I'm gonna send you to see a therapist.
14:51
Speaker 2: And at first I was like, what do I need
14:54
Speaker 2: to go see a therapist for? And he was like,
14:57
Speaker 2: there's something else underlying that you need to talk to
15:01
Speaker 2: somebody about. And I didn't want to go. I really
15:06
Speaker 2: did not want to go. But I'm glad that I did.
15:11
Speaker 2: You know, so that saying that what happens in this
15:16
Speaker 2: house stays in this house. Go talk to somebody. It
15:21
Speaker 2: will do you a world of good. If there is
15:24
Speaker 2: something that is weighing heavily on you, talking to somebody
15:31
Speaker 2: on the other side is beneficial in more ways than one.
15:35
Speaker 2: And I feel like if we see more of ourselves
15:41
Speaker 2: in these positions, that more of us will actually go
15:44
Speaker 2: and do it. Because here over the last few years,
15:47
Speaker 2: I've seen more of us taking our mental health a
15:51
Speaker 2: little bit more seriously than I have in the past
15:53
Speaker 2: few years.
15:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think a lot of it also goes back
15:59
Speaker 3: to how we were brought up, trying to get those
16:03
Speaker 3: generational curses over our homes and over our families now.
16:08
Speaker 3: But again going back to looking at the initial question,
16:14
Speaker 3: a lot of it is are they afraid of what
16:17
Speaker 3: they gonna find or learn about themselves because a lot
16:20
Speaker 3: of it is trauma. Yeah, and trauma is a big thing.
16:26
Speaker 3: There's multiple levels of it, and until you get to
16:30
Speaker 3: a point to where you feel comfortable with unpacking it,
16:33
Speaker 3: because you will learn a lot about yourself when you
16:37
Speaker 3: start to unpack of really getting to a space to
16:42
Speaker 3: where you can be vulnerable enough within yourself to move
16:47
Speaker 3: beyond the scars the trauma and look within yourself to say, hey,
16:52
Speaker 3: I can see why I do some of the things
16:54
Speaker 3: that I do. I can see why I respond to
16:57
Speaker 3: certain things the way that I do. But a lot
17:00
Speaker 3: of times it's hurtful because a lot of us don't
17:02
Speaker 3: want to be in that space. Right.
17:05
Speaker 2: I agree with that one hundred percent because I feel
17:08
Speaker 2: like when you are unpacking your childhood trauma and you
17:16
Speaker 2: figure out what that trigger was, that you know because
17:19
Speaker 2: you have people that say, especially me, and I hear
17:22
Speaker 2: this from most men all the time, this is just
17:25
Speaker 2: how I am. Take me as I am, and it's like, okay,
17:30
Speaker 2: but you're willing to change for a job. You're willing
17:35
Speaker 2: to change to get that job and keep that job.
17:38
Speaker 2: You're willing to change for your homeboys and to do
17:42
Speaker 2: all of those things, but when it comes to being
17:44
Speaker 2: healthy in a good relationship, those are not willing. Most
17:49
Speaker 2: of the time, they're not willing to sacrifice and make
17:51
Speaker 2: those changes for a healthy relationship because it requires more
17:56
Speaker 2: of them that they're not ready to commit to just you,
18:00
Speaker 2: and that means they have to confront themselves, and they're
18:04
Speaker 2: not willing to take that hard look in the mirror
18:07
Speaker 2: at themselves. And now I agree that it's that trauma
18:11
Speaker 2: that they're not willing to face, because when they face it,
18:14
Speaker 2: that means they have to one hold themselves accountable for
18:19
Speaker 2: some of the actions that they and the decisions that
18:22
Speaker 2: they've made, because some of those decisions that they've made
18:25
Speaker 2: have been after they've gotten grown and they could have
18:29
Speaker 2: done better and made better choices, but they choose to
18:32
Speaker 2: stick with this is just how I am, this is
18:35
Speaker 2: how I was raised, and so they stick with that
18:38
Speaker 2: instead of doing the work to change and become better.
18:43
Speaker 2: But they'll do it when it comes to getting the job,
18:47
Speaker 2: keeping the job, and maintaining the job, you.
18:49
Speaker 3: Know, and that's sometimes that they will. I've run into
18:53
Speaker 3: a case to where it this new generation, I'm.
18:58
Speaker 2: This new generation that's a whole nother.
19:00
Speaker 3: This this new generation, just eighteen to thirty five year old,
19:05
Speaker 3: and you make you you were running to a few.
19:09
Speaker 2: Rare n it's very rare.
19:12
Speaker 3: But this eighteen to thirty five, thirty six year old gap,
19:17
Speaker 3: they different, And yeah, it's not so much. It's different
19:21
Speaker 3: in a bad way. It's again going back to that
19:24
Speaker 3: word that you just share accountability. Nobody has held them accountable, right,
19:30
Speaker 3: very emotions are even just with the smallest things, the
19:34
Speaker 3: responsibility of understanding what it's like to transition from teenage
19:40
Speaker 3: to adulthood and the responsibilities that come with it, and
19:45
Speaker 3: they high behind that. Oh that's just how I am
19:47
Speaker 3: of I've always been this way. Okay, So when are
19:50
Speaker 3: you going to take accountability for your actions and grow up?
19:54
Speaker 4: Right?
19:55
Speaker 3: That's a hard thing, but I've seen it to where
19:58
Speaker 3: they haven't changed for jobs because smoking weed is a
20:02
Speaker 3: little bit more important than them staying on this job
20:05
Speaker 3: or hide behind this. Oh well, I can chase this
20:10
Speaker 3: woman to lay with this woman, But now when she
20:13
Speaker 3: holds me accountable to a different standard, Now is I'm
20:17
Speaker 3: gonna play this? Oh well, you knew how it was
20:19
Speaker 3: when you met me type ordeal, And it goes back
20:22
Speaker 3: to the mental health. Nobody's held them accountable. And when
20:25
Speaker 3: it's the conversation or things get hard, I'm a pivot
20:29
Speaker 3: and hide behind something else.
20:31
Speaker 2: So do you think that when they started giving out
20:37
Speaker 2: the participation trophies and things of that nature, do you
20:42
Speaker 2: think that era played a part in the lack of
20:45
Speaker 2: accountability in our young men to what we're seeing now,
20:50
Speaker 2: Because you know, we were growing up, either you got
20:54
Speaker 2: the award or you didn't. It was either first, second,
20:58
Speaker 2: or third. After that really didn't matter. You didn't get nothing.
21:02
Speaker 3: You know, I hated that.
21:04
Speaker 2: Tried your best.
21:06
Speaker 3: I hated that, and and I had to walk away
21:09
Speaker 3: from some some some programs that I was a part
21:13
Speaker 3: of because I was like, no, you you lost, Like,
21:17
Speaker 3: get better, get back in the lab. You you didn't
21:20
Speaker 3: you We're gonna take it as a learning experience. We're
21:23
Speaker 3: gonna get back in the lab and we're gonna do
21:25
Speaker 3: better the next time. But just come showed up. No,
21:29
Speaker 3: I'm not giving you a showed up.
21:31
Speaker 2: No supposed to, right.
21:34
Speaker 3: That's like even even in teaching parenting classes, we there's
21:39
Speaker 3: a program a part of the lesson, the fourteen week program,
21:43
Speaker 3: where it talks about rewards and responsibilities and all this.
21:46
Speaker 3: And I tell you, friends, don't get comfortable with always
21:49
Speaker 3: feeling that you got to give a monetary reward or
21:51
Speaker 3: some material gift because your kid is doing what they're
21:54
Speaker 3: supposed to, they're supposed to clean up their room, they're
21:56
Speaker 3: supposed to make their baby, they're supposed to do their chores.
21:59
Speaker 3: You giving up a reward is not something that's always
22:03
Speaker 3: gonna be given. Because when you're on your job, your
22:06
Speaker 3: boss don't come in every time you close a deal
22:08
Speaker 3: or do something great job and give you a reward. No,
22:11
Speaker 3: you set them up a failure. I hate I hate
22:16
Speaker 3: that that could.
22:18
Speaker 2: Like that has my nerves. When I realized that, I
22:22
Speaker 2: was just like, okay, so all we had to do
22:26
Speaker 2: was show up. No, we actually had to be good
22:28
Speaker 2: at what we did. You know, we had to actually
22:31
Speaker 2: put in the work to actually say that we are
22:34
Speaker 2: actually legitimately good at what we do. That's a whole that.
22:41
Speaker 2: I mean, we could go on and on about that,
22:44
Speaker 2: But how do you feel our faith plays a major
22:47
Speaker 2: role in strengthening our mental health, Like when we're going
22:51
Speaker 2: through a difficult time and a difficult season, if we
22:55
Speaker 2: lean on faith, do you think that it could get
22:59
Speaker 2: a us through our difficult times because I do.
23:03
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, like your faith walk and your relationship with
23:07
Speaker 3: Christ is gonna always give you a sense of encouragement
23:12
Speaker 3: to knowing that things are always going to get better.
23:19
Speaker 3: Even looking at the story of Job, and that's one
23:23
Speaker 3: of the greatest stories that I love to reference from
23:26
Speaker 3: the Bible. Job lost everything, Like it got to the
23:31
Speaker 3: point that Job's friends couldn't understand how he always showed
23:36
Speaker 3: up every day despite the conversation that the God and
23:42
Speaker 3: the devil had where God was saying like, no, you
23:46
Speaker 3: can do this, but you can't do this. That's where
23:49
Speaker 3: that whole part of the Bible comes from. Where there's
23:52
Speaker 3: only two things that God does, he allows or he ordains.
23:57
Speaker 3: That's where that whole process come from. From that book
23:59
Speaker 3: of Job, Well, he said no, you, I'll allow you
24:02
Speaker 3: to do this, but you can't do this even in
24:06
Speaker 3: the midst of trials and storms when those things come,
24:10
Speaker 3: Job is a great reference point to know that even
24:16
Speaker 3: in the midst of you taking or breaking or destroying
24:20
Speaker 3: all of these things, I'm still gonna put my faith
24:23
Speaker 3: in you because I know that it's gonna get better. Right,
24:27
Speaker 3: And like losing mom, was one of the most difficult
24:34
Speaker 3: emotional roller coaster type storms that I've ever had to endure.
24:39
Speaker 3: And for those who've lost a parent, that's a club
24:43
Speaker 3: that nobody is really eager to sign up to be
24:48
Speaker 3: a part of. But along that journey, I've learned how
24:53
Speaker 3: to hold it together while falling apart. And I just
24:59
Speaker 3: wrote something in one of my morning prayers that simulates
25:02
Speaker 3: that when life is throwing you all these different lemonades
25:06
Speaker 3: and curve balls and everything that you can think of,
25:11
Speaker 3: I'm still showing up because I know that God is
25:14
Speaker 3: gonna turn something eventually in my favor. It may be
25:17
Speaker 3: dark right now, but I know eventually he's gonna work
25:20
Speaker 3: it out. But a lot of times, even going back
25:24
Speaker 3: to the original question, even just looking at that aspect
25:26
Speaker 3: of it, a lot of men don't have a relationship
25:29
Speaker 3: with God. They're turning to when I'm gonna smoke this weed,
25:33
Speaker 3: or I'm gonna go get this drink, or I'm gonna
25:35
Speaker 3: go chase this tail. But that's done. You never addressed
25:40
Speaker 3: the problem, right So those emotions that you had initially
25:45
Speaker 3: you went and got a temporary solution, but it comes
25:49
Speaker 3: right back because you never addressed it. So until you
25:53
Speaker 3: address the emotions that triggered that response, you're only putting
26:01
Speaker 3: a band aid on certain things. So and a lot
26:06
Speaker 3: of times men they seek other forms of gratification. They
26:14
Speaker 3: don't know. Again, they don't know those emotional regulation skills.
26:18
Speaker 3: And most times, like now, even if you take you
26:21
Speaker 3: in a room of say thirty adults, and you ask them,
26:24
Speaker 3: what are your emotions? How do you feel? What do
26:28
Speaker 3: you mean? How I feel? How do you feel? Like?
26:30
Speaker 3: What's your emotions? And they would give you the basic
26:33
Speaker 3: I'm happy, I'm sad, Oh I'm confused, But they'll give
26:38
Speaker 3: you basic response when it's different emotions like that deal
26:43
Speaker 3: is large with the different emotions and stuff that people feel.
26:46
Speaker 3: So I started challenging them. Even when we walk into
26:50
Speaker 3: whether I'm teaching class or in the sessions, my first
26:54
Speaker 3: initial thing is I do a check in because I
26:57
Speaker 3: want to gauge where they are that moment from the
27:01
Speaker 3: last session that we had, or if it was last week,
27:05
Speaker 3: then today, how are you feeling today? Tell me about
27:08
Speaker 3: your morning, tell me about your afternoon, tell me about
27:11
Speaker 3: last night. What did you have for breakfast? What triggered
27:14
Speaker 3: what was your emotions? Because again I got I got
27:16
Speaker 3: to get a baseline to understand where they are because
27:20
Speaker 3: sometimes they don't want to engage in sessions. Okay, that's fine,
27:24
Speaker 3: So what is it that you feel that we need
27:25
Speaker 3: to unpack today? Right?
27:29
Speaker 2: And if you're not asking those questions, you're not going
27:31
Speaker 2: to get any information from them and they're not going
27:34
Speaker 2: to open up. And a lot of times asking just
27:40
Speaker 2: that general question which seems very open ended, it actually
27:46
Speaker 2: opens the door for a lot more conversation than people realize,
27:51
Speaker 2: you know, and people don't realize that it's an in
27:56
Speaker 2: depth it's an in depth question that need some more information,
28:01
Speaker 2: and they don't realize how much they're about to open
28:04
Speaker 2: up when you ask that question.
28:07
Speaker 3: But a lot of times, just thinking back to most
28:13
Speaker 3: times people who are whether it's a work relationship, your
28:19
Speaker 3: significant other, friends, teammates, peers, if you ask somebody just
28:26
Speaker 3: in random man, how your day going, huh what? Because
28:32
Speaker 3: it's uncommon, it's uncommon. The social dynamic of communication is gone. Yeah,
28:42
Speaker 3: it is gone. And holding people to a space of
28:50
Speaker 3: having conversations, that's tough when you don't know how to communicate.
28:55
Speaker 3: Part of this mental health awareness thing with men not
29:00
Speaker 3: the best communicators, No y'all are.
29:07
Speaker 2: Oh, y'all's brain is wired to logic and reasoning, and
29:15
Speaker 2: emotions aren't usually high on the totem pole for when
29:19
Speaker 2: it comes to communicating. So when we're talking and we're
29:27
Speaker 2: going through all of the details of what our day
29:30
Speaker 2: was like, you guys are listening for the beginning and
29:33
Speaker 2: the end, and you're searching for if there was a
29:36
Speaker 2: problem within there, and if there was a problem, you're
29:40
Speaker 2: looking already trying to figure out the solution to the
29:44
Speaker 2: problem if there was one. Outside of that, you heard
29:48
Speaker 2: nothing else that we said. You heard nothing about what
29:52
Speaker 2: we were feeling, what we were thinking. Nothing. And so
29:57
Speaker 2: that's one of the things that I've had to understand
30:01
Speaker 2: when I'm talking, because I am very very detailed when
30:05
Speaker 2: i'm explaining something or when I'm saying, you know, how
30:09
Speaker 2: I'm feeling about whatever, that most men they're only listening
30:15
Speaker 2: for the problem so they can figure out the solution
30:20
Speaker 2: to what I'm talking about, nothing else. And I'm like, Okay,
30:25
Speaker 2: but did you hear the stuff I said before I
30:28
Speaker 2: told you my problem?
30:30
Speaker 3: No, It's just like Haiti seventy seven, Princess, she just stated,
30:35
Speaker 3: asking what are you thinking? Will open up something. You
30:38
Speaker 3: ask a man that question, his whole thing is what
30:42
Speaker 3: do you mean? Because if he's never heard anybody ask
30:47
Speaker 3: him a question in that manner, you threw him off
30:51
Speaker 3: because it's not a typical way of asking a man
30:55
Speaker 3: a question. It's like what am I thinking? What do
30:57
Speaker 3: you mean? Thinking about what? It's gonna become a whole
31:00
Speaker 3: different part of the ball game because he doesn't have
31:02
Speaker 3: the emotional regulation skills to process like what do you
31:06
Speaker 3: mean when am I thinking about? What? Right? It's so
31:12
Speaker 3: uncommon and it's sad. It's sad.
31:16
Speaker 2: I asked that question of Dion half the time and
31:19
Speaker 2: he'd be like, what you mean? I ain't thinking about nothing?
31:22
Speaker 2: And I mean, okay, but obviously you are thinking about
31:26
Speaker 2: something because you're about to go and do something, and
31:29
Speaker 2: you're about to go and do X, Y and Z,
31:33
Speaker 2: so there was a thought process for you to go
31:36
Speaker 2: and do that. And he's like, no, it's not a
31:38
Speaker 2: thought process, it's just what has to be done. And
31:41
Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, you know what, never mind? So I
31:45
Speaker 2: don't I understand, But I don't understand. Y'all's brain is
31:51
Speaker 2: logic and reason. Ours is emotion, and it's just those
31:55
Speaker 2: types of things. So, what are some healthy ways that
32:01
Speaker 2: men can actually cope with stress and emotional pain that
32:06
Speaker 2: they tend to try to downplay most of the time
32:10
Speaker 2: because most of the time they're going y'all go downplay
32:14
Speaker 2: the emotion and the stress of what you're going through
32:18
Speaker 2: for sure.
32:19
Speaker 3: Well, one of the things that I that I had
32:21
Speaker 3: to learn how to do, and this was again, as
32:25
Speaker 3: I shared when we were talking last time, after Mom
32:29
Speaker 3: had her stroke. I think that was really the transition
32:33
Speaker 3: from me to where I really slowly started to work
32:38
Speaker 3: on me.
32:39
Speaker 5: M hm.
32:42
Speaker 3: It was what am I expecting? It's these are my
32:45
Speaker 3: five words that I use a cross whether I'm in session,
32:49
Speaker 3: whether I'm having conversation with my homeboys, whether I'm just
32:53
Speaker 3: speaking with people in general. But what are your top five?
32:57
Speaker 3: What are your expectations? What are your boundaries? What are
32:59
Speaker 3: you your limits? What are your consequences? What are your outcomes?
33:03
Speaker 3: In every aspect of your life? When I get up
33:06
Speaker 3: and I go to work, my expectations for that for
33:08
Speaker 3: the day is to do my job, make sure that
33:11
Speaker 3: I'm answering all my loans, make sure that I've done
33:13
Speaker 3: what I'm supposed to do, that my kids can eat
33:16
Speaker 3: that if something happens to me, they are taking care
33:19
Speaker 3: of them their mom and key. I'm good outside of that.
33:22
Speaker 3: Those are my expectations, my boundaries. I'm not gonna let
33:26
Speaker 3: you disrespect me. You're not gonna come in me and
33:27
Speaker 3: talk to me crazy. I'm gonna walk away so I
33:30
Speaker 3: can make sure that I'm straight my limits off. I'm
33:33
Speaker 3: you only got one time before you go see aside
33:37
Speaker 3: of me that you don't really need to see. My
33:39
Speaker 3: consequences is am I gonna have a job. If I
33:42
Speaker 3: respond the way that I feel that I need to,
33:45
Speaker 3: I just need to go ahead and go home because
33:47
Speaker 3: I'm at that point. My outcome is I'm not going
33:50
Speaker 3: to allow you to stress me because I can do
33:53
Speaker 3: enough of that myself. But identifying whatever your top five
33:58
Speaker 3: are in every aspect of your life, and learning how
34:02
Speaker 3: to tell people know it's okay yeah without explaining. I
34:09
Speaker 3: ain't gotna explain nothing to no one because at the
34:13
Speaker 3: end of the day, I gotta protect me. I gotta
34:16
Speaker 3: protect my emotions. I'm the only person that controls my elevator.
34:21
Speaker 3: Nobody else controls my elevator. I have so much self
34:25
Speaker 3: calmness now, and I'm thankful because you know, in my
34:29
Speaker 3: twenties it wasn't always there.
34:33
Speaker 2: I was a fire.
34:34
Speaker 3: So you say something wrong, i'mna smack you. But I've
34:37
Speaker 3: had to learn my own process of emotional regulation skills
34:41
Speaker 3: to keep myself intact. So I have I go through
34:45
Speaker 3: my five God knows I did.
34:50
Speaker 2: We We got that, honestly because Mom was like that too.
34:53
Speaker 2: So that was in our genetic makeup. So we had
34:59
Speaker 2: to learn how to regulate that. And so setting that
35:07
Speaker 2: and having a standard of what you ask yourself your
35:10
Speaker 2: five key words of what you're It's basically like, I
35:15
Speaker 2: have a self inventory that I do and I use
35:20
Speaker 2: that and I don't do it daily, but that that's
35:25
Speaker 2: a good idea.
35:26
Speaker 3: I have to do it daily. I might not write
35:30
Speaker 3: it down daily, but I'm writing every day. That that's
35:34
Speaker 3: I wake up writing. I wake up out of my
35:36
Speaker 3: sleep writing. I got so much on my mind, but
35:38
Speaker 3: I'm constantly always writing. I have expectations for pretty much
35:43
Speaker 3: every aspect of my life, even when you actually this
35:48
Speaker 3: earlier to get on here, Okay, what are my expectations
35:52
Speaker 3: for the conversation? Mm hmm, what are my boundaries for
35:57
Speaker 3: the conversation? Which I know I got to be open
35:59
Speaker 3: and vulner in this space. But still I had to
36:02
Speaker 3: have the process. Yeah, I had the process, and I was, honestly, I.
36:08
Speaker 2: Was gonna do it by myself. But then I was like,
36:11
Speaker 2: what better person to have is someone that not only
36:17
Speaker 2: number one, you're male, number two, someone that does this
36:21
Speaker 2: on a regular basis, but someone that I think the
36:25
Speaker 2: audience can relate to in the sense of knowing that
36:30
Speaker 2: there's someone who's also gone through some of these things
36:34
Speaker 2: and who's also tackled their own vulnerabilities to be able
36:38
Speaker 2: to be open and be in this space. Because you
36:43
Speaker 2: get some people who say, yeah, I've done the work,
36:47
Speaker 2: it ain't done nothing at all, because when you.
36:52
Speaker 3: Ask them certain questions, they'll stumble. I mean, like, cognitive
36:58
Speaker 3: behavioral therapy is one of the main things that we
37:01
Speaker 3: focus on because it goes it's so much to that
37:07
Speaker 3: cognitive behavioral aspect. But even taking it a further step
37:12
Speaker 3: from there, is people when they make the decision to say, hey,
37:17
Speaker 3: I'm going to talk to somebody, I even talk to
37:23
Speaker 3: them when we're going through that assessment. Faith, I need
37:26
Speaker 3: you to be honest with yourself. I know I'm gonna
37:29
Speaker 3: ask you a series of questions but I need you
37:31
Speaker 3: to be honest with yourself, because if you're not honest
37:34
Speaker 3: with yourself, you're just sitting in here telling me, and
37:36
Speaker 3: I'm just capturing everything that you're saying. But if it
37:39
Speaker 3: has no weight to it, you're just rambling. That means
37:42
Speaker 3: that you're not gonna make no progress. But you gotta
37:46
Speaker 3: be open. People are afraid to be open because they've
37:49
Speaker 3: been burned so many times by people, even in church.
37:54
Speaker 3: I've had to learn from my pastor years ago, learning
37:58
Speaker 3: how to deliver myself from people. One of the best
38:03
Speaker 3: things that I've ever said, along with learning not to forgive,
38:08
Speaker 3: hinders your progress. A lot of emotions that men deal
38:12
Speaker 3: with they haven't forgave some of the people that have
38:15
Speaker 3: wronged them or hurt them across their lives, and they're
38:19
Speaker 3: carrying all of that. Man unpack that baggage because you
38:23
Speaker 3: can't be good for yourself or nobody else because you're
38:27
Speaker 3: carrying too much. Then they carry their baggage from their
38:31
Speaker 3: childhood to every broken relationship that they've had into another
38:36
Speaker 3: relationship into that. Kids are affected by it, their family
38:42
Speaker 3: members are affected by it. They don't know how to
38:45
Speaker 3: process that. Some of them are dealing with depression, anxiety,
38:49
Speaker 3: functional depression. It's just so much that they're carrying because
38:53
Speaker 3: they refuse to unpacked.
38:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's just like the scripture says, cast all
39:00
Speaker 2: your anxieties on him because he cares for you. And
39:03
Speaker 2: that's first Peter five and seven. You know, you have
39:06
Speaker 2: to be able to lean in places, in spaces where
39:11
Speaker 2: you know, if it's too heavy for you to carry,
39:15
Speaker 2: ask somebody to help you. The main person to ask
39:19
Speaker 2: is God, because God can carry those heavy burdens in
39:23
Speaker 2: ways that you can't. You know, one of the things
39:26
Speaker 2: that I know for myself when I started to realize
39:30
Speaker 2: that forgiveness was the key to a lot of things
39:34
Speaker 2: that I needed to let go of, especially when I
39:39
Speaker 2: was going through my divorce and all of that. And
39:42
Speaker 2: then when Mom came after her stroke and all of
39:47
Speaker 2: that and just went and seen just a lot, it
39:51
Speaker 2: was just like, Okay, I can't be angry. I can't
39:55
Speaker 2: hold on to this because this is getting to be
39:58
Speaker 2: too much for me and I can't hold it. I
40:02
Speaker 2: can't carry it. But I can be open enough to say, Okay, listen,
40:10
Speaker 2: I do love you, but I'm gonna have to set
40:12
Speaker 2: some boundaries and That was one of the things that
40:15
Speaker 2: I did learn in therapy because the first time I
40:19
Speaker 2: went to therapy, I you know, I'm sitting there talking
40:22
Speaker 2: to the counselor and everything, and she was like, you've
40:27
Speaker 2: talked about everybody in here except for yourself, Like you
40:32
Speaker 2: have given everything, but you, what do you do for you?
40:39
Speaker 2: And I could not answer her. I had nothing. And
40:42
Speaker 2: she was like, you've talked about everything that you've done
40:45
Speaker 2: for everyone else, every bird in every staw, every process,
40:51
Speaker 2: everything for everybody else, but I have yet to hear
40:54
Speaker 2: what you do for you. And I was like, I
40:59
Speaker 2: don't even know how to answer you at all, you know,
41:03
Speaker 2: And that was that was at once. That was the
41:06
Speaker 2: point where I realized that I had to start taking
41:09
Speaker 2: the initiative to put my mental health before everybody else
41:14
Speaker 2: because I was no good the way that I thought
41:17
Speaker 2: I was good for everyone else around me. I really
41:21
Speaker 2: wasn't because I was not showing up for me in
41:25
Speaker 2: the in the capacity in which I needed to. And
41:28
Speaker 2: so when I realized that after she asked me that question,
41:32
Speaker 2: because she was like, this is your homework for the
41:34
Speaker 2: next session is to go and write down things about.
41:40
Speaker 3: You now to do to them express stuff about themselves,
41:49
Speaker 3: like yeah, even in in session, like when we especially
41:55
Speaker 3: when we're doing that plan, completing that plan, the person's
41:57
Speaker 3: in the plan, uh huh. As a question in there,
42:01
Speaker 3: like the first question, what do you think people like
42:04
Speaker 3: or admire about you? Huh? I don't know.
42:08
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
42:09
Speaker 3: It's about you? What do you think? Okay? Then flip it,
42:12
Speaker 3: what do you like about yourself? I don't know. I'm
42:17
Speaker 3: asking you what do you think people like or admire
42:19
Speaker 3: about you? You don't know? Now I'm asking you what
42:22
Speaker 3: do you like about you? And you don't know? Well, okay,
42:24
Speaker 3: what are your strengths? I don't know. What do you mean?
42:30
Speaker 2: Like?
42:30
Speaker 3: Just be I be so blown away. It's like you
42:35
Speaker 3: have an opportunity to be your biggest fan in this moment,
42:41
Speaker 3: and you can't tell me nothing.
42:44
Speaker 2: They've never and that's where the reality comes in that
42:48
Speaker 2: they've never taken the time to sit with themselves to
42:52
Speaker 2: get to know themselves.
42:53
Speaker 3: And that's the part that it's like so intriguing alone
42:58
Speaker 3: this journey because it never gets old. I know I
43:02
Speaker 3: walked away from it at one point in time, but
43:04
Speaker 3: that's when I was dealing with my own health issues
43:06
Speaker 3: and stuff. In that moment, I had to separate, oh,
43:12
Speaker 3: because I had to take care of me. And so
43:14
Speaker 3: now part of the conclusion of every session is what
43:18
Speaker 3: is your self care plan? What are you doing for you?
43:19
Speaker 3: Especially with the adult clients, what's your self care playing?
43:23
Speaker 2: Like, Yeah, I.
43:24
Speaker 3: Don't want to hear about what you're doing for your
43:26
Speaker 3: grand baby. I don't want to hear about what you're
43:28
Speaker 3: trying to do for your kids. I don't want to
43:30
Speaker 3: hear about No, I want to know about you. What
43:33
Speaker 3: are you doing for you? Well, I ain't doing nothing. No,
43:36
Speaker 3: you need to start, whether it's taking five or ten
43:39
Speaker 3: minutes every day. That's just like I got kids. Okay,
43:44
Speaker 3: I got kids too. They may be older now, but
43:46
Speaker 3: I still have to identify space.
43:51
Speaker 2: I'm getting back to that as we speak. And do
43:54
Speaker 2: you know me, I've been doing that for so long.
43:59
Speaker 2: My idea nity was in my kids, you know, And
44:02
Speaker 2: so I'm just now getting to a space to where
44:06
Speaker 2: I am learning to celebrate me and who I am.
44:11
Speaker 2: And it's it's it's different, it's it's a little different,
44:16
Speaker 2: and it's a little uncomfortable, but at the same time,
44:22
Speaker 2: it is necessary and I'm learning that, you know, there's
44:27
Speaker 2: a little bit more in self care than just a
44:33
Speaker 2: bubble bath or a cup of coffee, and you know
44:38
Speaker 2: that kind of thing. So I'm learning, but you know,
44:42
Speaker 2: it is one of those things that it is a
44:44
Speaker 2: learning experience. What is something that you could say to
44:51
Speaker 2: the men that are listening tonight are just two people
44:55
Speaker 2: in general, even though this is mental men's Mental Health
44:58
Speaker 2: Awareness Month, What is something that you would say to
45:02
Speaker 2: the men listening now that would encourage them to seek
45:07
Speaker 2: the support without feeling shameful for it.
45:11
Speaker 3: One thing that I would share with them is you
45:16
Speaker 3: have to do what's in the best interest of you,
45:19
Speaker 3: not worried about what your friends are gonna say, not
45:23
Speaker 3: worried about what people are gonna say. But we got
45:27
Speaker 3: to work on healing, like one of the biggest things.
45:31
Speaker 3: And I shared when I'm talking with people when I
45:36
Speaker 3: got that call on February ninth from Keith that mom
45:40
Speaker 3: was rushed to the hospital, Like I was frantic, like
45:43
Speaker 3: what am I gonna do? But I was so excited
45:47
Speaker 3: because now she can't run from me. I get a
45:51
Speaker 3: chance to heal the little boy in me and I
45:54
Speaker 3: long before that. So any opportunity that any male or
45:59
Speaker 3: anybody can get an opportunity to go heal the little
46:03
Speaker 3: child in them, to move beyond any of the traumas
46:07
Speaker 3: that you've had accustomed to, whether it was trauma in
46:11
Speaker 3: your childhood, whether in your early adult years. But you
46:15
Speaker 3: need to heal from that trauma so that you can
46:18
Speaker 3: be the best version of yourself for you before you
46:21
Speaker 3: can be the best version of yourself for anybody else.
46:25
Speaker 3: That is, you have to get to that space, man,
46:29
Speaker 3: to where you can heal for you, because you ain't
46:32
Speaker 3: no good for nobody if you ain't healed for you.
46:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you know it's funny you say that is
46:40
Speaker 2: because I just recently, which I've been doing this work
46:44
Speaker 2: for a good little minute for myself and healing my
46:48
Speaker 2: own personal thing, but just recently I wrote a point
46:53
Speaker 2: to the little girl of me, and I'll probably should
47:00
Speaker 2: one of these days. But it's just one of those
47:03
Speaker 2: things that you know, it is it it's necessary that
47:09
Speaker 2: you speak to the to the younger version of yourself,
47:12
Speaker 2: because you know you often hear what would you say
47:16
Speaker 2: to the younger version of yourself if you could talk
47:18
Speaker 2: to them today? You know you hear that question a lot.
47:21
Speaker 2: But then you still also hear, well, I don't know
47:25
Speaker 2: what I would say with it myself, or some people say,
47:28
Speaker 2: well it gets better, or man, it's messed up. I
47:34
Speaker 2: wouldn't even want to get to where I'm at, or
47:36
Speaker 2: you know, if it's so much hurt that they can't
47:43
Speaker 2: see anything positive, not understanding that they're still blessed to
47:48
Speaker 2: still be living and they still have an opportunity to
47:52
Speaker 2: make more of whatever it is that they're going for,
47:55
Speaker 2: because they're not looking at what God is as providing
48:00
Speaker 2: for them. And I feel like if they if they
48:05
Speaker 2: turn to God in giving him the opportunity to guide
48:12
Speaker 2: them and lead them, that they will see the value
48:16
Speaker 2: in which they were created and His eyes and his
48:20
Speaker 2: image because God gave us all a purpose and a path.
48:24
Speaker 2: And if they lean to His understanding and not their own,
48:28
Speaker 2: they will understand that nothing that they've gone through has
48:32
Speaker 2: been in vain, you know, right.
48:35
Speaker 3: But as a a lot of times man with the guys,
48:40
Speaker 3: and sometimes talking with some of the guys, that they
48:44
Speaker 3: are shamed to express their their willingness or their love
48:50
Speaker 3: for God because of how it's going to be viewed
48:53
Speaker 3: towards others around them. I could care less. I know,
48:57
Speaker 3: I went through that age when I was in my
49:00
Speaker 3: school for being in the church, man to tell my
49:03
Speaker 3: boys that I was ushering at the church, or that
49:05
Speaker 3: I was singing in the choir, or But now as
49:08
Speaker 3: I've gotten older, I have to give reverence to him.
49:16
Speaker 3: Like even when I'm having a conversation with my boys,
49:19
Speaker 3: I'm like, so, how many times have you been drunk?
49:21
Speaker 3: And you arling over that toiler And you're like, man, God,
49:24
Speaker 3: if you get me out of there, ain't gonna do
49:25
Speaker 3: this no more. But then no, soon as you get
49:27
Speaker 3: past that here, you go right back to the bottle, Like, man, God,
49:30
Speaker 3: if you tell me not to mess with that cheeck
49:32
Speaker 3: no more, Man, ain't gonna then no, soon as she
49:33
Speaker 3: called you right back over there, Oh man, I ain't
49:35
Speaker 3: gonna do that no more. But then no, sooner as
49:37
Speaker 3: your boys call you turning up with him again. So
49:40
Speaker 3: you can't straddle the fence with God. It's like either
49:44
Speaker 3: you gotta.
49:44
Speaker 5: Be fully you gotta be fully committed, or you think
49:49
Speaker 5: because he not gonna play this straddle the fence game right,
49:54
Speaker 5: because when he gets your attention, there's nothing.
49:57
Speaker 3: That you can do right the direction of what he's
50:02
Speaker 3: called you for. And I think one of the one
50:06
Speaker 3: of the most exciting moments of this journey man of
50:12
Speaker 3: understanding mental health is that everybody has a story. Everybody
50:19
Speaker 3: has a story. Now is when you come in here,
50:23
Speaker 3: either you're gonna help me, let are you going to
50:26
Speaker 3: allow me to help you unpack? Are you gonna keep
50:29
Speaker 3: adding more trauma and issues to to your story?
50:34
Speaker 5: Yeah?
50:35
Speaker 3: What'm so? But a lot of times, man, it's going
50:41
Speaker 3: back to the original point of what I stated before
50:45
Speaker 3: is vulnerability. People do not want to be vulnerable with
50:50
Speaker 3: their feelings because they're in fear of it coming back
50:54
Speaker 3: up at them, already using this against them. And you
51:00
Speaker 3: can't be afraid to be free for yourself. Yeah, Like
51:07
Speaker 3: it's once you get to a place to where you
51:10
Speaker 3: can learn to be free for yourself. Man, it's a
51:14
Speaker 3: it's a it's a beautiful feeling because, yeah, you're concerning
51:17
Speaker 3: no more about what somebody says.
51:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, when you love you for you, it don't matter
51:24
Speaker 2: what nobody else got to say, because you know that
51:28
Speaker 2: you complete you and that's it. But I want to
51:33
Speaker 2: thank you for comingy and last man that I know
51:37
Speaker 2: it's a last minute text this morning, but it's a
51:45
Speaker 2: great conversation because I feel like more men need to
51:50
Speaker 2: understand that they're not alone. And I want to say
51:54
Speaker 2: to the listeners that if you are feeling like you're
51:58
Speaker 2: alone and in life, you're not. If you're feeling like
52:03
Speaker 2: you're carrying some heavy burdens, you have people that are
52:06
Speaker 2: around you who are willing to help you carry your burdens.
52:10
Speaker 2: You are not alone. You don't have to carry them alone.
52:14
Speaker 2: Your life is important to us and we would rather
52:17
Speaker 2: hear your stories than to read your eulogy. So reach
52:21
Speaker 2: out to anybody. Just reach out and let us know
52:26
Speaker 2: that you are in need of a conversation, of a
52:30
Speaker 2: shoulder or ear, whatever it may be, because we would
52:34
Speaker 2: rather have you here than not here. So I want
52:37
Speaker 2: to thank you guys for tuning in tonight. I won't
52:40
Speaker 2: be back until two weeks, so it'll be in July
52:45
Speaker 2: when you'll see me back. But as always, remember to
52:48
Speaker 2: stay out of God's business. The only thing he needs
52:51
Speaker 2: you to do is to be obedient to what He's
52:53
Speaker 2: called you to do. Until next time. I see you
52:55
Speaker 2: guys later, all right,