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124. 4 Mental Myths · Impact Ready

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  Welcome to Impact Ready, a show dedicated to helping you elevate
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  your impact in the world. I'm Steph Safra, your host.
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  Let's explore the power of showing up with intention and
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  energy. Each day this.
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  Is for those who seek to make life truly meaningful.
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  Get ready for impact. Hi team, welcome to the show.
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  In this episode today I actually want to tackle a few big myths
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  that people have about themselves, about life, about
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  gross. These are things that I run into
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  a lot when working with clients. And I think if you are going to
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  have the impact that you want to have in your life or other
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  people's lives, it's very necessary to debunk these myths
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  in particular. These are all going to be this
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  around mindset, around personal growth and around change.
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  There's a lot happening in this world right now where people are
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  getting very worked up, where they are searching for a
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  different way of doing things. A lot of issues are coming up,
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  low self esteem, low self-confidence, self doubt, and
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  people are just not feeling motivated.
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  They're not feeling inspired, they're burned out, they're
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  fatigued. I want to change the course of
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  that. I think that we have the power
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  to change the course of this energy in this direction that
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  people are sort of falling into the flow of without necessarily
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  choosing it. And as part of that, we need to
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  have conversations about what's possible.
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  People have a lot of resistance around things that are possible
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  for themselves when it comes to their ability to change their
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  life. And so in an effort to Shuck
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  some of those old beliefs and change the stories and maybe
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  empower you a little bit more, let's dive into four key ideas
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  that people buy into that I don't necessarily think are that
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  helpful. 4 big myths that people hold onto.
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  The first myth is I can't change.
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  This often shows up in people when they say things like, oh, I
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  was Born This Way. Oh, I'm wired this way.
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  This is the way I am. And they believe that they are
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  incapable of change or the people around them believe that
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  they are incapable of change and therefore that belief has been
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  transferred to them. And here's the thing, it's not
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  true. You absolutely are capable of
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  change. It happens all the damn time.
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  This is not a phenomenon. In fact, it can happen very,
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  very quickly. You are a capable, whole,
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  resilient being who was born perfect.
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  You've just accumulated experiences and stories along
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  the way. And it's true.
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  These are what have shaped your perspectives and your behaviors
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  and your patterns, yes, but it does not mean that they are
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  written in genetic stone. What so often happens as a
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  result of all these experiences that we have in life is we start
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  to look at things through different lenses.
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  You know, all the filters that you have access to on Instagram.
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  I kind of think about it like that We have filters that we
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  place over events that happen in our lives and it shapes how we
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  respond or how we think or how we feel about them.
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  They can influence the way that we think about our bodies, our
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  relationships, our finances, our opportunities, all of it.
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  And when you remove the filter, things look different.
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  Imagine putting one of those crazy filters where it's chops
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  up the screen into like 8 different sections on Instagram
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  and you're looking at the world through that filter.
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  How messed up is that? That's what people are doing.
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  They are putting these filters over their eyes, over their
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  minds and they're looking at their experiences through that
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  and they're it's like being in a fun house.
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  But when you remove the filter, things look different.
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  You often hear people describe this process as sort of an
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  awakening. They wake up to things and
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  that's what happens when people go through any process of self
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  development or personal growth, whether it's through coaching or
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  therapy or what have you. Sometimes it's an event that
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  changes someone's perspective and takes the filter off, like a
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  near death experience or a health crisis.
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  Maybe you've lost someone that you love and that changed your
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  perspective on life. Maybe it's getting a second
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  chance at something. Any of those moments, I call
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  those shake you awake moments. But the point is, we are all
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  capable of change. It comes from within us.
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  It comes from changing the stories in the mind.
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  No matter the impetus or the moment or the work that you've
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  done, it is very possible to change the stories in our mind.
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  We might not be able to change other people's stories as much
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  as we try, but we can absolutely change ourselves.
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  And so that's myth #1 I can't change.
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  The second myth that people buy into so much is the belief that
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  all my thoughts are true. All the things that go through
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  my head are true, and that couldn't be further from the
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  truth. If you really stopped to think
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  about this logically, you would be able to debunk this myth on
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  your own. But we kind of get in the habit
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  of not being aware of the thoughts that go through our
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  head. So we fall into the trap of
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  believing that they're all coming from a truthful place.
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  Here's the reality. Most of our thoughts are
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  projections of past stored events.
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  They're products of our stories, the things that we've
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  experienced, the things that we've lived.
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  And we cannot believe everything that our mind tells us.
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  We've had a lot of conversations on this podcast about saboteurs.
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  Saboteurs are the stories that we develop from lived
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  experiences. Those guys are playing a huge
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  role in your thoughts. And many of our stories were
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  developed when we were young, between the ages of seven and 15
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  years old. And during that time, we have
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  underdeveloped brains, specifically prefrontal
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  cortexes, massively underdeveloped and a total lack
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  of context of the world. Imagine your view of the world
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  when you were eight years old, how big everything looked.
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  And then you might go back to visit your old childhood home
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  when you lived there when you were eight years old.
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  And you look around and you're like, man, this place is dinky.
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  Everything's so small. My neighborhood's so small, my
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  backyard's tiny. When you were eight, everything
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  seemed huge and massive and scary and you had a total lack
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  of context of the world. And now things look totally
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  different. Do we want our old stories that
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  we created when we were 8/12/16 years old to be dictating our
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  lived experiences now? Hell no.
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  I don't want my 14 year old self running the show.
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  I remember how she thought. I remember those days, and that
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  was a rough time middle school. So we have to challenge the
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  beliefs that we have. We have to challenge the
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  thoughts that are running through our minds because
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  they're not all true. They're often very biased, and
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  they're often rooted in stories that were created when we were
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  lacking A tremendous amount of information.
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  So that's myth #2 myth #3 is that you just have to think
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  positively. And thankfully, this is sort of
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  fallen out of favor, this toxic positivity culture.
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  But I think sometimes people get this in their minds, especially
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  when it comes to coaching, that it's all about just thinking
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  positively. And that couldn't be further
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  from reality. And here's why.
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  When you think positively all the time, it probably feels
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  pretty disingenuous. It probably feels pretty
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  inauthentic. And when I noticed that people
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  are in that constant positivity space, I noticed they have a
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  frenetic kind of energy to them. They feel a little shaky, like,
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  like if something happens, they might like fly apart or crumble
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  at any moment. And I think that this is because
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  people who are buying into this idea that you have to be
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  positive all the time, they are ignoring the other side of the
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  coin. They're ignoring and acting like
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  negative emotions don't exist, that they're not allowed to feel
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  them, and they don't want to experience any of those things.
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  And that's inherently dishonest team.
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  Our bodies actually know that that's not possible, that we are
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  lying to ourselves thinking that we can just be positive all the
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  time. It makes me think about when we
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  moved into our house five years ago, we bought this home from an
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  an elderly man who had done a lot of kind of weird repairs to
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  the home. We didn't know this at the time,
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  but there was a ton of dry rot in our primary bathroom.
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  Dry rot, mold, tons of ants, all kinds of stuff going on in this
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  primary bathroom because they've done some kind of a repair on
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  the shower and they've done it poorly.
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  And it was leaking water for years.
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  And as a result of that, there was tons of dry rot.
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  There was mold, everything was soft and the drywall was falling
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  apart. But we didn't know that because
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  he had covered it up with about 7 layers of fresh paint and
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  caulk and just done a really good job of hiding all the
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  evidence that there was major, major problems in the
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  infrastructure of the shower and the bathroom.
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  And So what happened inevitably was, I don't know, six months
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  after we moved into the house, water started pouring through
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  the ceiling of our laundry room. And as we started to do some
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  discovery and pull some stuff up, we realized, Oh my God, the
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  entire piling laminate floor, everything in the bathroom was
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  covered in mold. It was dry rotted and it was
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  falling apart. And now the floor is literally
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  falling apart. And that's exactly how I think
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  about people who approach life as being only positive.
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  You have to think positively at all times.
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  It's like covering up the dry rot with 7 layers of paint and
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  just hoping for the best and just hoping that water doesn't
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  start pouring through the ceiling in the floor below.
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  It's a landmine waiting to be stepped on.
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  It's a massive problem that will explode at some point because
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  you can't have a human experience with only positive
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  emotions. It's just not possible.
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  You have to be able to experience both sides of the
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  coin. And being a human, you are
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  inherently going to face challenge.
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  You are inherently going to experience the low frequency and
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  the high frequency emotions. And with any circumstance, being
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  able to see both sides of those circumstances is a skill.
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  You don't just have to focus on the positive, but you can
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  acknowledge that everything has polarity, equal and opposite
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  reactions. There is negative and positive
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  to everything. And you know, I love talking
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  about frequency. Being a high frequency person,
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  being in a high frequency state is something that I think is
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  really important. I value that.
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  But let's create a distinction here.
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  It's not about being positive all the time.
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  This is really important. Being positive all the time,
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  seeing nothing but good and being blind to the bad or the
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  low frequency or the negative, as we said, is very dishonest to
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  ourselves. Our cells know it is not true.
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  It's denial, it's avoidance, it's pushing feelings away.
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  And that's not high frequency. Those are actually low frequency
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  behaviors. High frequency is about being in
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  a state of emotion, where you are feeling things like
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  gratitude or enthusiasm or appreciation or curiosity or joy
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  as much as you can. It doesn't mean that you don't
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  experience other emotions, and it certainly doesn't mean that
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  you don't have feelings like sadness or grief or
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  disappointment or anger or shame or hopelessness.
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  Those are all parts of being human.
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  And in fact, if you didn't have those feelings in certain
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  situation, it would be weird. You know, for example, if you
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  lose someone that you love dearly, it would be strange to
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  not feel grief and sadness. That's not a natural response.
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  To push that away, you know, to deny those feelings is not
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  helpful. It's not high frequency.
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  So the work to be done and the solution is not simply to think
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  positively. There's so much more to it and I
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  often think about it as resiliency and being buoyant.
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  Just like a cork being pushed under the water.
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  Life will hand you circumstances that is going to push you down
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  and get you into those lower frequency emotions, no problem.
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  The question is, can I process those feelings?
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  Can I let them move through me? Can I see this circumstance for
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  all that it is the negative, the positive, the neutral, and not
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  just one way? And then can I bounce back up?
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  Can I be buoyant like that cork and return to my baseline,
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  hopefully a baseline that gets higher and higher as you learn
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  more and you continue to do the work.
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  So that's the third myth. Just think positively.
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  And then the last one is that it takes a long time to change.
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  No, it doesn't. No, it doesn't, Team.
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  It does not take a long time to change.
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  What it takes is a decision, and most people just don't want to
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  make a decision. And I say this with love and
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  compassion because I have been there so many times.
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  Still in these moments, in these days, these current days, I
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  catch myself being indecisive and not going all in on stuff.
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  So I'm not judging. This is part of human condition.
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  But most people don't want to make a decision.
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  They hope, they pray, they write affirmations, they wish they
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  want, they negotiate, they analyze, they ruminate, but they
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  never decide. And when we decide something, it
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  becomes more concrete. Now, the patterns of behavior,
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  of course, might take some practice.
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  You might want to change some patterns.
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  Behavior. Yeah.
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  Might take a little bit of practice.
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  Old beliefs. Yeah, they might take some
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  unraveling. But the change doesn't take
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  forever. In fact, it can happen very,
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  very fast. Once someone decides that is,
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  you know, I have another business, Next Level Nutrition
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  and it's a coaching program that helps people lose weight and
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  heal metabolism. It's a total game changer for
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  people. But what I will very
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  transparently tell you is that the people who are most
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  successful in the program are the people who decide.
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  They decide to change their habits, to go all in on the
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  program curriculum, to follow the plan to choose healthy
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  foods, etcetera, etcetera. They decide.
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  And those who do not decide, those who waver and fight with
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  themselves and ham and Haw and argue about how you know they
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  can't do it, or so many millions of different reasons and
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  negotiations with self they don't do as well.
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  And that is because of the very simple truth that you can't make
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  people do things they have to decide for themselves.
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  And this is something that I wrestle with because I want to
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  go in and really help people. I want to go in and say, I have
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  a tool for you and this tool is going to help you.
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  And all you have to do is take it from my hands.
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  And here you go. And I've had to come to terms
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  with the fact that that's not how it works.
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  People have to decide to take the tool out of your hands and
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  use it. I often think about the fact
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  that a lot of people have like treadmills in their house.
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  We all know that treadmills are great.
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  Treadmills are a great fitness tool, right?
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  It's like a multi $1,000,000 industry is selling treadmills
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  and you can give someone a treadmill.
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  We all know that it's going to be awesome for them.
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  But the results that that person will experience as a result of
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  that treadmill are based on how long and how often they use it.
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  They have to decide to actually get on it and turn it on and
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  it's only the person who has it in their living room who can
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  decide to hop on. It's something that I very much
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  have to reckon with and and allow for in my own practice is
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  to let people make their own decisions.
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  And I have to remember too that this applies to my progress and
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  my decision making as well. Often when I'm out and about in
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  social situations with my wife, I will overhear conversations
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  that people are having with her about her bodybuilding process.
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  And what I often hear people say is, oh, I could never do that.
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  And then they give some variation of reason.
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  Oh, I like food too much. I have no self-control.
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  Oh, I don't, I don't have that kind of self-discipline.
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  I could never get up that early on and on and on.
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  And again, here's the truth. My wife's amazing.
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  She is, but she's not some guru of self-control or
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  self-discipline. She's human like all the rest of
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  us, you and me. And there was a time that she
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  didn't always get up that early. She didn't always used to go to
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  the gym and follow a training program.
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  She didn't always used to eat this healthy.
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  She just decided. She decided that this was
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  something she wanted to do and commit to.
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  And over the course of the last two years, she's seen massive
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  change. And yes, she has grit and
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  resilience, but that has also been sharpened and honed over
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  time for her through her practice and through her
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  decision to commit to this thing.
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  And so that is the 4th myth that it takes a long time to change.
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  Not doesn't team, you got this. So I don't know if any of these
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  resonate with you. I'm not sure if one of these
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  fours standing out for you, but I guarantee that at some point
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  in your life, you've bumped up against some of these.
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  And I challenge you this week to debunk your own myths about
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  what's possible for you, for your growth, for your life, and
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  what you can create in it. Because we need people to stand
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  up and have powerful impact in the world right now.
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  And that means you, you've got some very unique gifts.
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  You are very important to your sphere, your community.
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  You have an influence and an impact that is beyond
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  exponential if you put it to use.
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  And I would love to see it happen.
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  And so if any of these four are standing out to you, challenge
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  yourself to work on that this week.
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  Challenge your beliefs, debunk your own myths and let's see
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  what's possible. That's all for today.
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  I appreciate you listening. If you want more inspiration, if
• 18:33
  you want bi monthly, that's twice a month inspiration coming
• 18:37
  right to your e-mail, sign up for my newsletter.
• 18:39
  It's called the Impact Effect and you can go to
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  stephsaffer.com and sign up for that newsletter.
• 18:45
  Let's stay in touch. I'm never going to spam you.
• 18:47
  It's only going to be good stuff coming into your e-mail box.
• 18:50
  So thank you for being here. Thank you for listening and as
• 18:54
  always, thank you for being ready to impact.
• 18:57
  Thanks for listening to Impact Ready.
• 18:59
  I hope today's episode inspired you to own your impact and
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  recognize that you. Are powerful.
• 19:04
  By elevating our energy and awareness, we can create
• 19:07
  exponential change in this life. If you enjoyed today's insights,
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  share them with a friend and subscribe to the show for more.
• 19:14
  I truly appreciate you. Thanks again for being here.