Latest / All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr / RAISING THEM WELL: Let the Biscuits Burn with Abby Kuykendall (From the Archives)

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RAISING THEM WELL: Let the Biscuits Burn with Abby Kuykendall (From the Archives) · All Mom Does Podcast with Julie Lyles Carr

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Purposely Your life, God's Purpose. Listen at purposely dot com.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: You're listening to the All Mom Does summer series Raising
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: Them Well, where we've gone back into the archives and
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: pulled up some of our favorite episodes about parenting, about yes,
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: raising our kids, but also about the kinds of homes
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: we want them to be raised in the experiences that
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: we want them to have. And that's why I'm so
• 0:32
  Speaker 2: excited for you to listen afresh to my friend Addiekuchandahal,
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: who joins me. She's going to talk about how to
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: still be someone with a lot of hospitality even when
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: your house is filled with kid chaos. Abbie, thank you
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: so much for being with us.
• 0:48
  Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for having me. It is a real life
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: thing at twelve whatever what time it is one and
• 0:55
  Speaker 3: I'm like putting my makeup on, like this is real
• 0:58
  Speaker 3: life we're living.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I love it because you know what on this topic
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: we're going to talk about, I just got to watch
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: you live out in a little micromment exactly your point.
• 1:09
  Speaker 2: We're going to talk about drum roll hospitality.
• 1:13
  Speaker 3: Abby.
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: I've got to tell you I have had seasons I
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: have loved having the peoples over to my house and
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: I have had seasons where I've thought, if anyone walks
• 1:23
  Speaker 2: in that door, not only will they probably be some
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: phone calls to government officials, but I will live in
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: shame for the rest of my life. You are currently
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: living in a situation in which you are having to
• 1:34
  Speaker 2: rehab a house that had a flood, so you've got
• 1:37
  Speaker 2: people in and out trying to fix all the things,
• 1:39
  Speaker 2: and on and on and on. So let's rewind to
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: the mom who's like, you just said hospitality that is
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: a four letter word to me. Let's just back up.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: We're going to talk about ways in which hospitality can
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: become a natural, easy, and lot more fun way.
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: Of life for you.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: So, Abby, what is it about hospitality that you thought, Yeah,
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: I want to take this giant fear and let's just
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: pull it out there and let everybody look at it.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: What is it about hospitality for you that is important today?
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know I think that it For me, it's
• 2:11
  Speaker 3: the that hospitality connects people and it's the easiest way
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: to connect people, and that that is truly why the Lord,
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: I think gifted us with hospitality, not that it's a
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: spiritual gift for some and not for others, but I
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: think that it's a discipline that he wants us to
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: partake in, and when we do, there's just so much
• 2:33
  Speaker 3: blessing and so much just wonder that we get to
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: experience with people. And I think that, you know, especially
• 2:40
  Speaker 3: as I've transitioned from you know, I spent fifteen years
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: after college as a single and then going into you know,
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: I was married for only like a year and a
• 2:51
  Speaker 3: couple of days before I had my first and so
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: I went quickly from single hood to being just a
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: wife to now I'm a wife and a mom, and
• 3:00
  Speaker 3: I have all of these different plates in the air,
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: and I'm trying to still show hospitality and it's like,
• 3:05
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I don't want to, I don't know
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: how to. This is overwhelming to me, and but then
• 3:10
  Speaker 3: when I do find space for it, it's just such a blessing.
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: And so I wrote the book because I want people
• 3:17
  Speaker 3: to experience the blessing of connection like I have.
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: I think for me, as I look back over the
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: tenure of my time being a supposedly says on my
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: driver's license, I'm a grown up. I mean that can
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: be debated, but in my tenure at this adult thing,
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: I've had lots of weird seasons about hospitality, and one
• 3:39
  Speaker 2: of them was I was coming from a generation in
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: which you know, I have all the china and all
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: the crystal and all the things you only break out
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: once a year, and all the linens and all the things.
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: And that's how you do hospitality. It is trying to
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: recreate the Court of Louis the fourteenth in your tiny
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: little dining room on your teeny tiny little budget and
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: bust out all the stuff. I've also seen the flip
• 4:01
  Speaker 2: side of it, and I'm going to be curious too
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: for a generation of women who are coming into adulthood, marriage, motherhood,
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: who ended out their teenage college years under quarantine during
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: COVID where you couldn't really have, if you will, a
• 4:15
  Speaker 2: certain level of hospitality, And how do you onboard some
• 4:18
  Speaker 2: of those skills. How do you define hospitality today? Because
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: I have to say, in all of that arc, I've
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: seen a whole lot of different iterations of it. I
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: think often we're looking for the right way to do it,
• 4:31
  Speaker 2: but maybe we just need to start with a good
• 4:33
  Speaker 2: base definition of what it even is.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So the way that I define it in the
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: book is that hospitality is selfless. It is giving of
• 4:42
  Speaker 3: yourself to love someone else.
• 4:44
  Speaker 2: You know.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: I even go as far to say, I think that
• 4:47
  Speaker 3: you know, in true essence of love, that hospitality is
• 4:53
  Speaker 3: just the way that we show love. And I think
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: that that is a bit of a new definition for
• 5:01
  Speaker 3: people that have grown up in church and grown up
• 5:03
  Speaker 3: hearing that, oh, hospitality is the greeting team and hospitality
• 5:07
  Speaker 3: is the food team. That it's actually just how we
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: serve and love others, and it's a mindset and a
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: heart position. Where on the flip side, I think our
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: culture has kind of commandeered the word and they have
• 5:22
  Speaker 3: been like, no, hospitality is entertaining, and entertaining is more
• 5:27
  Speaker 3: of a selfish more of a inward focused I want
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: to impress other people, like why are you actually doing this?
• 5:35
  Speaker 3: And I think that you know, not that there's anything
• 5:39
  Speaker 3: wrong with all of the details and the elaborate dinner
• 5:43
  Speaker 3: parties that our grandparents are our great grandparents through, but
• 5:48
  Speaker 3: I do think that there is a part of connection
• 5:51
  Speaker 3: that happens in hospitality that is vulnerable and authentic and
• 5:55
  Speaker 3: we need to try to capture that. And in order
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: to do it, we have to kind of throw off
• 6:00
  Speaker 3: this like air of perfection or this pressure to perform,
• 6:04
  Speaker 3: and we have to step into a space that might
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: feel uncomfortable for some, but it is so rewarding when
• 6:11
  Speaker 3: you get to the other side, because when you make
• 6:14
  Speaker 3: yourself available to authenticity and to like putting on your
• 6:18
  Speaker 3: makeup when you first meet somebody, it opens up kind
• 6:22
  Speaker 3: of the doors of like, hey, this is who I am, Like,
• 6:25
  Speaker 3: let's just be real with each other. And I think
• 6:29
  Speaker 3: that you know, you mentioned gen Z gen Alpha coming up,
• 6:34
  Speaker 3: and I think that it will be really interesting to
• 6:36
  Speaker 3: see how they experience and show hospitality because they are
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: actually a generation that is wanting to disconnect from social
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: media a little bit more. We're seeing that they actually
• 6:49
  Speaker 3: want to like face it, like what does that mean?
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: So they're actually wanting to be more emotionally triggered by people.
• 6:58
  Speaker 3: And whereas I've feel like Millennials and maybe a little
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: bit of Gen X have been so inundated with this
• 7:07
  Speaker 3: social media just influx of content culture that we have
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: had to absorb over the last fifteen years.
• 7:21
  Speaker 2: Right right. I do think it'll be fascinating to see
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: if a younger generation really rediscovers the art of this stay.
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: And I think if they do that's an incredible thing.
• 7:32
  Speaker 2: I know for myself there were times in raising a
• 7:35
  Speaker 2: bunch of kids, and on and on and on, because
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: that distinguishment that you make between entertaining and hospitality I
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: really appreciate because in my mind it's all been the
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: same thing, the same level of in many times production
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: and on and on. And it's not that I don't
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: know how to run in and grab something out of
• 7:54
  Speaker 2: the freezer and make it work. But man, there's that
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: performance quality sometimes that pops up, and I think we
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: get it from a lot of places Atby. I mean,
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: I've said this before on the podcast. For somebody who's
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: listened to a lot of episodes, I'm sure that you've
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: heard me say this. But when I started in as
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: a wife and a young mom, I got Southern Living
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: once a month. And for wives and moms today, for
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: couples today who want to make hospitality a part of
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: their priority for their home, it's in front of you
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: all the time, the most unbelievable weddings and wedding receptions,
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: the most unbelievable charcuterie boards, the most unbelievable, and it
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: puts a pressure on man. I know that my mom
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: and my mother in law feel it's a lot of
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: pressure to come up with the perfect jello salad during
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: the hospitality entertainment days. But I think there is a
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: standard now that really can be mind blowing and can
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: be quite a hurdle for budgets and realistic average three
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: bedroom house. How do we overcome this sense that we
• 9:01
  Speaker 2: don't have enough, we aren't enough, we aren't no production
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: worthy level enough in order to open up our homes.
• 9:10
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you have to get to the point,
• 9:12
  Speaker 3: like you have to get to the point in your
• 9:14
  Speaker 3: own life where you're throwing off expectations. And I think
• 9:18
  Speaker 3: that you know, my mom, my grandmother generation, there was
• 9:21
  Speaker 3: an expectation from the generation above them that they have
• 9:24
  Speaker 3: to have a home a certain way. They have to
• 9:26
  Speaker 3: have Sunday lunch a certain way. They have to have
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: a dinner party or a birthday for or a shower
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: or what it has to be a certain way. I'm
• 9:34
  Speaker 3: currently walking through a lot of I call them historical.
• 9:38
  Speaker 3: They're historical to my family three or four generations old.
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: My grandmother is ninety three, and so I'm just trying
• 9:45
  Speaker 3: to document some of the things that she has in
• 9:47
  Speaker 3: her home so that you know, we know about them,
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: and she has been telling me about like, well, this
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: was the centerpiece for all of the showers and we
• 9:56
  Speaker 3: had to have specific and it just so fascinates to
• 10:00
  Speaker 3: me that there were so many pressures. You know, we think, oh,
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: it must have been so much easier without social media,
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: but they had so many pressures from not only their family,
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: but from their community, like they're they're close knit, like
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: I'm not traveling community, like their street, their community, and
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: especially if you lived in small town Arkansas, like where
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: everyone knew everybody and you were the town news, if
• 10:28
  Speaker 3: you didn't have a certain centerpiece at a baby shower.
• 10:31
  Speaker 3: And so I just I think that, you know, when
• 10:33
  Speaker 3: we look at the expectations put on us, whether that's
• 10:36
  Speaker 3: from our you know, our parents, our grandparents, the people
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: in our community, or its expectations put on us from
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: social media or content that we're consuming, that is what
• 10:47
  Speaker 3: is going to keep us from entering into a space
• 10:50
  Speaker 3: of hospitality where we can really enjoy coming together with
• 10:57
  Speaker 3: other people in a vulnerable and authentic way. And so
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: if you can it's a mental game first, and I
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: talk about that. That's probably one of the first chapters
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: in the book. After we kind of get through the
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: theology of and the why behind hospitality. It's like, how
• 11:12
  Speaker 3: do we start this. It's like, well, anytime you do anything,
• 11:15
  Speaker 3: you have to prepare your heart, and preparing your heart,
• 11:18
  Speaker 3: preparing your mind. A lot of that is throwing off
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: these expectations and throwing off these cultural pressures of it
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: has to look perfect, because I want this book to
• 11:28
  Speaker 3: be the permission slip that every woman needs, that they
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: don't have to have it perfect, that it doesn't have
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: to be all together. Last night, my we had a
• 11:39
  Speaker 3: big party for the book and we had croissants and
• 11:42
  Speaker 3: jams and stuff, and I forgot the butter, Like who
• 11:47
  Speaker 3: forgets butter for a croissant? You know? And I had
• 11:50
  Speaker 3: gotten like the really nice eight ounce block of Carrie
• 11:53
  Speaker 3: Gold and you know, I had the pretty china plate
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: to put it on, but did I have the butter? No?
• 11:59
  Speaker 3: And I I almost had my husband drive twenty minutes
• 12:02
  Speaker 3: to go get the butter. And then I was like, no,
• 12:05
  Speaker 3: the butter doesn't matter. It is the people that are here.
• 12:08
  Speaker 3: And so like, even in I mean, people can look
• 12:12
  Speaker 3: at me and be like, oh my gosh, you're such
• 12:13
  Speaker 3: a hospitality guru, and you're so good at it, and
• 12:16
  Speaker 3: it's like today I'm like what I had? You know,
• 12:18
  Speaker 3: it's a big party for me. And so I was
• 12:20
  Speaker 3: like this morning, I was like, I've been hit by
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: a bus. So like it happens to all of us.
• 12:26
  Speaker 3: And like, if we live in this sterile environment of
• 12:30
  Speaker 3: expectations from content, from our culture, from what we think
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: we're comparing ourselves to in someone that is quote unquote
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: great at hospitality, you will always fail r like, and
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: so we just need to live in a space of
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: you know what, I'm just gonna be authentically me and
• 12:46
  Speaker 3: if I show up as me, I'm not going to
• 12:49
  Speaker 3: fail at that. Like, I'm just going to be me
• 12:51
  Speaker 3: and I'm going to let God do the rest, and
• 12:53
  Speaker 3: I'm just going to rest in that. That is where
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: true success and hospitality is found.
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely, And you know, Abby, I'm sure there are
• 13:01
  Speaker 2: those people who feel like, oh, well, if you're an extrovert,
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: hospitality for you, Like I'm an introvert, or I'm really
• 13:10
  Speaker 2: nervous about my house and it's not that I don't
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: think the house is clean enough. It's or I'm in
• 13:14
  Speaker 2: an apartment right, right, So how do we overcome some
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: of those objections? With understanding the ways in which God
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: is asking us to be in community and how some
• 13:25
  Speaker 2: of the ideal places for that community to happen are
• 13:28
  Speaker 2: the places where we lay our head at night, you know,
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: to be vulnerable in that way to allow people in.
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: Because I do have people in my world who are
• 13:36
  Speaker 2: exceptional posts. They really are, and they thrive in that
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: space and they thrive at it at a big level.
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: But I also have people that the notion of opening
• 13:47
  Speaker 2: that door fills them with such anxiety. Not necessarily because
• 13:52
  Speaker 2: they're trying to do something pinterest worthy, not necessarily because
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: they've seen ideations of this modeled in ways they don't
• 13:59
  Speaker 2: feel like they can and achieve, but simply because that
• 14:03
  Speaker 2: level of opening up, being social, being at the whims
• 14:08
  Speaker 2: of when that last guest is going to finally leave
• 14:11
  Speaker 2: like that fills them with an existential sense of dread.
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: So how do we modify for the ways that God
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: is uniquely knit each of us together when it comes
• 14:21
  Speaker 2: to this spectrum of what hospitality can look like?
• 14:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I think that it's going back to comparison.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: We've got to stop comparing ourselves. But also you have
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: to remember that God didn't call the qualified, He qualifies
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: the called. And it is a directive in scripture that
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: we show hospitality. Yeah, and it is, I mean from
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: the very beginning in Genesis to all the way to Revelation.
• 14:47
  Speaker 3: We see it almost in every chapter or every book
• 14:51
  Speaker 3: of the Bible, that hospitality and welcoming people in and
• 14:56
  Speaker 3: God setting a table, you know, with a chair with
• 14:59
  Speaker 3: our name on it, like he is always welcoming us
• 15:01
  Speaker 3: and inviting us into experience, like he is the hospitable God.
• 15:06
  Speaker 3: And we see that throughout scripture. And so if it's
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: a directive, if it's telling us, okay, I need you
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: to practice hospitality, it's not saying I need you to
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: practice hospitality if you're you know, a savant when it
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: comes to decor, or if you are, you know, in
• 15:22
  Speaker 3: a gardener when you are in the kitchen. No, no, no,
• 15:26
  Speaker 3: it's not saying that. It's saying, I just need you
• 15:28
  Speaker 3: to practice it. And if I this is a horrible
• 15:32
  Speaker 3: example because like I don't I'm not athletic and I
• 15:35
  Speaker 3: don't work out or run. But if I was only
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: called to run, if I was going to beat Whussein
• 15:43
  Speaker 3: bolt Y in the Olympics, I would never run like
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: there is no way I will ever beat that man.
• 15:51
  Speaker 3: But that's not what exercise is about. Exercise is about
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: just like, hey, get out there and run and have fun.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: I don't care if you're slow, you know, just run.
• 16:03
  Speaker 3: And so I think in the same way, like think
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: about hospitality that way, Like it's not about trying to
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: be Martha Stewart or trying to I don't know, Megan
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: Markle has a new show out. It's not trying to
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: like do everything like Megan, you know, like no, just
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: do it like Julie, do it like Abby, like do
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: it like yourself and and rest in that. I do know.
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: I feel the introverts hard though, like you can feel
• 16:27
  Speaker 3: my I My home is my haven. I don't need
• 16:31
  Speaker 3: anyone in it. I love vegging on the couch more
• 16:36
  Speaker 3: than anything else in the world. And I love being
• 16:39
  Speaker 3: at home with my husband every single night of because
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: I'm a newlywed, like I've been doing this for two years,
• 16:45
  Speaker 3: like I don't need anyone, Like there are moments where
• 16:48
  Speaker 3: I need friends, but like I get my fill and
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: then I'm like back home, and that isn't That is
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: also not what God has called us to do. God
• 16:58
  Speaker 3: has called us to fill our lives with people and
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: to share our lives with people. And and so I
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: feel the introverts. I feel you so hard in that extroverts.
• 17:10
  Speaker 3: You guys, you love people. This is probably not a
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: new concept for you about bringing people together. But if
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: it is a new concept for you bringing people in
• 17:20
  Speaker 3: to your home, because a lot of times extroverts, they
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: you know, tend to want everything perfect, and they tend
• 17:27
  Speaker 3: to like over and go above and beyond everything. And
• 17:32
  Speaker 3: so I, you know, temper that a little bit focus
• 17:35
  Speaker 3: on the people. But I don't want to leave the
• 17:38
  Speaker 3: introverts in the background because I sit there in that
• 17:41
  Speaker 3: chair with you.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I you know, I traffic in this space
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: that you know, there's a word for called ambivert, which
• 17:48
  Speaker 2: is I really do genuinely love people. I love having
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: people over. I enjoy hosting all of that stuff. But
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: then I need everybody to leave.
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: Yeah there, you know what, there is a healthy end.
• 18:01
  Speaker 3: And that is something that I have learned about myself
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: as well, is like, hey, if I'm going to have
• 18:06
  Speaker 3: a party, I'm gonna need you to know that eight
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: thirty is the time where I will be ushering you
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: to your car, so that that is the end time,
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: so you can come whenever, but you will be asked
• 18:16
  Speaker 3: to leave at a thirty saying that with the best intent,
• 18:21
  Speaker 3: Like we need boundaries, physical, spiritual, emotional boundaries are so
• 18:26
  Speaker 3: healthy and so like don't I have a whole chapter
• 18:29
  Speaker 3: about it, like don't be hesitant, don't be nervous, don't
• 18:33
  Speaker 3: be anxious about setting those emotional physical, spiritual boundaries for
• 18:38
  Speaker 3: people in your home, Like that is a healthy way
• 18:43
  Speaker 3: to operate, and especially if you're getting into this whole
• 18:46
  Speaker 3: hospitality journey and trying to figure out what your rhythm
• 18:49
  Speaker 3: is with it, Like it's okay to say, hey, would
• 18:51
  Speaker 3: you like to come over from two to four today?
• 18:54
  Speaker 3: I have to do something at four, so but I
• 18:58
  Speaker 3: would love for you to come over and we will
• 19:00
  Speaker 3: do this, this and this, And then it's like, oh,
• 19:03
  Speaker 3: that is so easy. I know exactly what to expect.
• 19:05
  Speaker 3: I know exactly what we're going to be talking about
• 19:07
  Speaker 3: or exactly what we're going to be doing. And that
• 19:10
  Speaker 3: makes everyone feel a lot more at ease.
• 19:13
  Speaker 2: I love that because sometimes I think that we can
• 19:17
  Speaker 2: interpret hospitality as no boundaries. Complete interruption, someone staying at
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: the house so late, so late, so late. We had
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: a friend several years ago. He was not known for
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: his gentle ways, but I loved they were so gracious
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: to host a Bible study we were having in their
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: home every week. But I can tell you, Abby eight thirty,
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: that man would disappear for five minutes. He come back
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: out in his pajamas and would say, all right, love y'all,
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: bye bye. But it was great. I mean, and I've
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: often felt that I just didn't have the confidence a
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: lot of times to say and in my desire to
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: want to be hospitable, well, can you tell people it's
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: time to believe like you are? You loving? And I
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: love that you bring up that we can have boundaries
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: within hospitality where people aren't supposed to go into or whatever.
• 20:07
  Speaker 2: It doesn't mean we just throw it all wide and
• 20:10
  Speaker 2: let people stomp around. I think that's really helpful, and
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: there's going to be a collective sigh of relief from
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: some people who are like, oh, I just don't know
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: if I can do this. Yeah, I really appreciate you
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: doubling down on the boundary part of it. I think
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: it's really good love.
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: A good you know what, and it's really My husband
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: is more of an introvert than I am, and his
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: boundaries have helped me identify. Oh, boundaries are healthy. Yes,
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: it's okay. So he has been the boundary to my
• 20:39
  Speaker 3: hospitality of like, hey, I would really not like not
• 20:43
  Speaker 3: to do this five times this week. Can we do
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: it one time this month? And when we do it
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: this month, they need to leave by whatever? Right, I
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: would like to have lasagna, And I'm like, okay, fair enough,
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: I will make lasagna.
• 20:58
  Speaker 4: You think that you are in the final round of
• 21:02
  Speaker 4: getting all this parenting you've done. You've got kids who
• 21:05
  Speaker 4: are in high school. You're starting to think about college,
• 21:08
  Speaker 4: and you're thinking, this is it. I'm Julie Lyles car
• 21:11
  Speaker 4: I'm a podcaster and I'm a mom of eight. And
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: here's what I want you to know about George Fox University.
• 21:17
  Speaker 4: It's a different way of doing college. Why Because, yes,
• 21:21
  Speaker 4: it's all about getting a fantastic.
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: Degree to set your kid up for their future. They
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: have sixty.
• 21:27
  Speaker 4: Undergrad programs available at George Fox University. But that's not
• 21:31
  Speaker 4: where the story ends. It's also about equipping them spiritually.
• 21:35
  Speaker 2: If you get out of college with a degree, but.
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: You don't have a closer relationship with God, that obviously
• 21:41
  Speaker 4: is going to deeply impact what your.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: Young adult life looks like. So for your kid is
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: I want you to consider what would it mean.
• 21:49
  Speaker 3: For your child to be able to go to George
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: Fox University.
• 21:52
  Speaker 4: Where ninety three percent of George Fox students say they
• 21:56
  Speaker 4: now have a closer relationship with Jesus. George Fox University
• 22:01
  Speaker 4: is located in the Pacific northwestern Oregon. They have twenty
• 22:05
  Speaker 4: three Division three athletic programs, and one hundred percent of
• 22:10
  Speaker 4: students at George Fox University receive financial aid. George Fox
• 22:15
  Speaker 4: University is dedicated to their promise. They want every student
• 22:18
  Speaker 4: to be known for who God created them to be.
• 22:21
  Speaker 4: So listen, parents, Yeah, you are getting into some of
• 22:24
  Speaker 4: those final laps, but you definitely want to make these
• 22:28
  Speaker 4: last flaps count in a big way when it comes
• 22:31
  Speaker 4: to the legacy of your guarantee. So be sure and
• 22:34
  Speaker 4: check out for your student George Fox dot edu.
• 22:38
  Speaker 2: That's George Fox dot Edu. Talk to me about that
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: place too though with a spouse, because one of the
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: things my husband's a an extroverts extrovert.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: H you know what I mean.
• 22:49
  Speaker 2: He loves a guy. He is an extroverts extrovert. He
• 22:52
  Speaker 2: would have people over twenty four to seven. But one
• 22:56
  Speaker 2: thing that we often grappled with is in his extraversion
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: in Miami version, and in the part you know there
• 23:02
  Speaker 2: are eight kids involved in the middle of this, there
• 23:03
  Speaker 2: would be a time where he would say, I want
• 23:06
  Speaker 2: to have a bunch of people over, and I would say,
• 23:09
  Speaker 2: I do not have the energy to put that together.
• 23:11
  Speaker 2: And I'm looking at your work calendar and you're going
• 23:13
  Speaker 2: to be out the door and gone for the next
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: however many days. How do you navigate that mental load,
• 23:21
  Speaker 2: the actual task list, etc. Because I think for some
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: of us who are also juggling kids and juggling homeschool
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: and juggling jobs and juggling volunteer positions, I mean, traditionally,
• 23:33
  Speaker 2: a lot of hospitality has fallen on the shoulders of women.
• 23:36
  Speaker 2: And I do have women in my world who are like, look,
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: I'd be happy to have some people over, but I
• 23:41
  Speaker 2: am not carrying that torch alone like this, And if
• 23:44
  Speaker 2: my spouse can't help, then I guess we're not doing
• 23:47
  Speaker 2: it because I'm not going to add one more thing
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: to my already full plate. How do you navigate that
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: relationship wise with the other inhabitants of your house, your
• 23:58
  Speaker 2: roommates or your kids, or your husband whatever.
• 24:00
  Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I think that's a great question because it
• 24:03
  Speaker 3: really for me, it falls in the preparation and that
• 24:08
  Speaker 3: we have to look at our calendars. When you get
• 24:11
  Speaker 3: really good at hospitality and you get really good at
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: the conversation between you and whomever, then it can kind
• 24:18
  Speaker 3: of happen spontaneously. But when you are new to this,
• 24:21
  Speaker 3: when you're starting out, I mean me and my husband
• 24:23
  Speaker 3: are still two years into this and we're still operating
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: like this, But we pull out the calendar and we're like,
• 24:29
  Speaker 3: this month, these are our hospitality moments, These are our rhythms.
• 24:33
  Speaker 3: So I have way more rhythms than he does because
• 24:37
  Speaker 3: I am a stay at home mom. I do all
• 24:39
  Speaker 3: the things in the house, and so I can usually
• 24:41
  Speaker 3: break away for a lunch or a coffee or a
• 24:43
  Speaker 3: walk or a park date. But sometimes it's like, hey,
• 24:48
  Speaker 3: I need we need to like connect our schedules because,
• 24:50
  Speaker 3: like you said, like we are both operating in different
• 24:55
  Speaker 3: like lanes right now, Like you're going one way, I'm
• 24:57
  Speaker 3: going the other. What does our hospitality worth look like
• 25:00
  Speaker 3: this month? And so when you set that up at
• 25:04
  Speaker 3: the beginning and we actually have our conversation the middle.
• 25:08
  Speaker 3: So we had it in the middle of September for
• 25:11
  Speaker 3: the month of October. So we're operating about six weeks
• 25:14
  Speaker 3: out and we're saying, okay, for the month of October,
• 25:16
  Speaker 3: this is what we have planned. Usually about this time,
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: SEC football is make it make its way to the calendar.
• 25:23
  Speaker 3: These are our Saturdays, and this is what they look like.
• 25:27
  Speaker 3: But because we have a sixteen month old and he's
• 25:29
  Speaker 3: not in like fall sports, but I know that those
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: schedules even get crazy. And with eight kids, I can't
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: even imagine what your schedules look like. But when you
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: look at it far enough out, then you can start
• 25:41
  Speaker 3: to plan and you can say, Okay, it's not going
• 25:44
  Speaker 3: to fall if we're having people excuse me if we're not.
• 25:46
  Speaker 3: If we're having people over on Thursday night, it's not
• 25:49
  Speaker 3: all going to happen on Tuesday and Wednesday. We're able
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: to like, Okay, we're having people over on Thursday. In
• 25:56
  Speaker 3: two weeks, honey, I have this list of things that
• 25:59
  Speaker 3: we have got to get done, and so then you're
• 26:01
  Speaker 3: able to prepare a little bit more and plan in advance.
• 26:06
  Speaker 3: I would also take the stress off of yourself. Jesus
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: took fish and loaves from a little boy. You take
• 26:13
  Speaker 3: food from other people and say hey, like, I'm delegating
• 26:17
  Speaker 3: this dish and this dish to you. And the more
• 26:19
  Speaker 3: specific you are, the better off you will be. So like, hey,
• 26:23
  Speaker 3: I'm thinking about a poppy seed strawberry poppy seed salad.
• 26:26
  Speaker 3: Can you make that? And they're like, oh my gosh, yes,
• 26:28
  Speaker 3: thank you for giving me like the actual thing to
• 26:31
  Speaker 3: make instead of going down a rabbit hole. Do I
• 26:34
  Speaker 3: do Caesar or do I do Asian or do you know? No,
• 26:37
  Speaker 3: give them something to make. And so I think that
• 26:41
  Speaker 3: the more specific you can be, but also starting setting
• 26:44
  Speaker 3: yourself up for success and starting with a plan right works.
• 26:49
  Speaker 2: Right, right, really really helpful and again pot luck it up, man.
• 26:53
  Speaker 2: I mean I know that that's you know, something that
• 26:56
  Speaker 2: we is a little old fashioned in our world or whatever,
• 26:58
  Speaker 2: but it's very powerful and I think, you know, for
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: a lot of us who do want to gather and
• 27:02
  Speaker 2: do value those relationships, it's the simplest way to go
• 27:06
  Speaker 2: about it. It respects budget, it respects time, it's it's
• 27:09
  Speaker 2: a really beautiful way to do it and takes a
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: lot of the performance off, at least for me, takes
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: a lot of the pressure pressure off. Yeah. One thing
• 27:16
  Speaker 2: that my husband did that I thought was absolutely genius
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: when we were really in the thick of it with
• 27:20
  Speaker 2: kids and on and on and on, he kept wanting to
• 27:22
  Speaker 2: have some kind of let's have the neighbors over type
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: of thing, and in theory, Abby, I totally agreed with him.
• 27:28
  Speaker 2: In practicum, I was just like, have you seen the
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: hygienic state of the house. Like, I'm not even talking
• 27:37
  Speaker 2: back kind of just hospitality level. I'm just talking the
• 27:40
  Speaker 2: day to day of potty training twins, and on and
• 27:43
  Speaker 2: on and on. And he arrived at an idea that
• 27:46
  Speaker 2: I just wanted to pass along to the listener, in
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: the spirit of your new book about hospitality, Let the
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: Biscuits burn. He sent out a little flyer to everybody
• 27:55
  Speaker 2: around our block and down this particular street and just
• 27:59
  Speaker 2: had a coffee meetup in the front yard on a
• 28:01
  Speaker 2: Saturday morning. Nobody came in the house, Thank the Lord.
• 28:05
  Speaker 2: I mean I was standing by, like, well, is your
• 28:07
  Speaker 2: tetanus shot updated before you come in the door. I
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: was a little concerned, but nobody came in. Everybody was
• 28:13
  Speaker 2: in proximity to their house. Very easy, but it was
• 28:16
  Speaker 2: so appreciated, and it was simple. It was a very
• 28:21
  Speaker 2: simple thing. At some point he pulled out a grill,
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: people went and got food, and we just all kind
• 28:25
  Speaker 2: of stood around and whatever, and it was a really
• 28:28
  Speaker 2: lovely way, a good reminder to me that we could
• 28:31
  Speaker 2: be the initiator and we could provide a front yard,
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: but it didn't have to be this whole other thing.
• 28:39
  Speaker 2: The other thing too, i'd love to hear you talk
• 28:40
  Speaker 2: a little bit about is hospitality off site. And what
• 28:44
  Speaker 2: I mean by that is, for example, my husband, again
• 28:46
  Speaker 2: the extrovert, he has tickets to our local MLS soccer team,
• 28:51
  Speaker 2: Austin FC, here in our town, and so he will
• 28:55
  Speaker 2: very intentionally use that as a means of inviting people
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: very hospitable and they're his guest at an event. He's
• 29:02
  Speaker 2: very good about let me go grab you a water,
• 29:04
  Speaker 2: or can I get you a snack or whatever. I mean,
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: people go in feeling cared for. It's not just sharing
• 29:10
  Speaker 2: of a ticket, it's also I'm here to be with
• 29:13
  Speaker 2: you in this experience and you're my guest, and I
• 29:16
  Speaker 2: want to be generous. So I think that there are
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: those means too that don't actually even require the physical
• 29:23
  Speaker 2: opening of our front door, but rather just the opening
• 29:25
  Speaker 2: of our resources to be hospitable. Is that for something
• 29:29
  Speaker 2: that you think is a really easy and maybe you know,
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: a simpler way sometimes depending on your season of life,
• 29:34
  Speaker 2: what the house looks like, whatever, should be able to
• 29:37
  Speaker 2: remain in a spirit of hospitality.
• 29:38
  Speaker 3: I think that when it comes to resources over like
• 29:41
  Speaker 3: your physical space, it's a great opportunity to build those
• 29:47
  Speaker 3: initial relationships because you're not going to invite somebody for
• 29:52
  Speaker 3: the first time into your house and then like start
• 29:54
  Speaker 3: working on like heart issues and like going deep and
• 29:57
  Speaker 3: emotional and spiritual and sometimes bridging the gap between hey
• 30:02
  Speaker 3: you're an acquaintance and hey you're my bestie for the
• 30:05
  Speaker 3: rest ye like that bridge needs to be built. And
• 30:10
  Speaker 3: so using your resources and doing it outside the home
• 30:13
  Speaker 3: I think is absolutely okay. The one thing that I
• 30:16
  Speaker 3: really caution people about, and this is less of a
• 30:19
  Speaker 3: like a hazard and more of just like be mindful
• 30:22
  Speaker 3: of but when you are doing your quiet time, you
• 30:28
  Speaker 3: don't do your quiet time in the middle of a
• 30:30
  Speaker 3: football stadium on a Saturday game day like you do
• 30:34
  Speaker 3: it in the quiet of your home. You do it
• 30:37
  Speaker 3: in a reserved place. And so as you think about
• 30:41
  Speaker 3: how frequently am I going out versus coming in? How
• 30:45
  Speaker 3: vulnerable and how authentic am I? Like, I just be
• 30:49
  Speaker 3: mindful that that balance, Like we need to hold tension there,
• 30:53
  Speaker 3: and it is so great to come in. And I
• 30:56
  Speaker 3: think that that's why Jesus didn't say, hey, sake zach
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: key is have a conversation right here at the sycamore tree.
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: He said, no, I'm coming to your house, like we
• 31:05
  Speaker 3: are going to someplace else. And so but I do
• 31:10
  Speaker 3: think that it is it is great to use your
• 31:13
  Speaker 3: resources to build those connections and to bless other people
• 31:17
  Speaker 3: because I think that when we share, we care, and
• 31:20
  Speaker 3: that's that is something that shows, Hey, you are important
• 31:27
  Speaker 3: enough to me that I invited you to be a
• 31:29
  Speaker 3: part of this, and like I want to extend a
• 31:35
  Speaker 3: piece of myself to you, right, And that.
• 31:37
  Speaker 2: Even speaks too. I mean, I think we can be
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: in a private home and we have made the menu
• 31:44
  Speaker 2: so complex, we have made all the features of this
• 31:47
  Speaker 2: hospitality event so complex that just as if we were
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: at a football game with the crowd going wild, we
• 31:55
  Speaker 2: can be just as distracted. And that's one thing I
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: have to remind myself when we have people over, is
• 32:00
  Speaker 2: that as much as I'm wanting to serve and delight
• 32:03
  Speaker 2: people and let them have an experience they haven't had before,
• 32:06
  Speaker 2: or a dish they haven't tried, or whatever. I will
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: miss it. I'm if I make the project list so
• 32:13
  Speaker 2: complex that I don't have the opportunity to sit down
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: and focus, I'm bad at it. I'm actually very bad
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: at it, and I'm working on it. But I think
• 32:21
  Speaker 2: that just because something's in a private home, we still
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: need to have that awareness that we can distract ourselves
• 32:27
  Speaker 2: away from what the point is, which is creating that
• 32:30
  Speaker 2: depth and relationship with others. Well.
• 32:32
  Speaker 3: And you know, one of the things that I always
• 32:35
  Speaker 3: try to remind people when they're like, I don't understand
• 32:38
  Speaker 3: how you can have it already when everybody walks in,
• 32:41
  Speaker 3: I don't understand how you're not still in the kitchen
• 32:43
  Speaker 3: when you enter it, when you you know, open the door, whatever.
• 32:46
  Speaker 3: And it's because I tell myself that if I told
• 32:49
  Speaker 3: people that they're coming over at six, I tell myself
• 32:52
  Speaker 3: they'll be there at five point thirty. So even if
• 32:54
  Speaker 3: they're ten or fifteen minutes early, I am done and
• 32:57
  Speaker 3: I'm able, Like we can always reheat things, like there
• 33:01
  Speaker 3: is a microwave and that is okay, right, and like,
• 33:05
  Speaker 3: and I want to make sure that when people come
• 33:08
  Speaker 3: into my home, I don't open the door and immediately say, hey,
• 33:12
  Speaker 3: rolls are in the oven, let me go get them
• 33:14
  Speaker 3: before they burn. You know, I want to be present
• 33:16
  Speaker 3: with you. I want to be here with you. And
• 33:18
  Speaker 3: so in order for me to do that, I have
• 33:20
  Speaker 3: to plan ahead, to be ready ahead of time so
• 33:25
  Speaker 3: that I can be more present with my people. And
• 33:28
  Speaker 3: just like I was talking about earlier, you know, like
• 33:30
  Speaker 3: the honeydo list of like hey, can you please blow
• 33:34
  Speaker 3: off the front porch, or can you please like help
• 33:36
  Speaker 3: me just make sure that John Maverick our Son, like
• 33:39
  Speaker 3: his toys are just picked up, you know, because it's
• 33:42
  Speaker 3: it is a like rotating door. Of course, of course
• 33:46
  Speaker 3: pick them up, they.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: Come out, they come out.
• 33:48
  Speaker 3: It's amazing exactly. And so like I just think that,
• 33:51
  Speaker 3: you know, when you have that kind of teamwork and
• 33:54
  Speaker 3: that mindset of like, let's do this ahead of time
• 33:58
  Speaker 3: so that in the moment when not distracted. But it
• 34:03
  Speaker 3: takes effort and it takes time to build that muscle.
• 34:06
  Speaker 3: And so the first time you do it, the tenth
• 34:08
  Speaker 3: time you do it, you might not get it right.
• 34:09
  Speaker 3: And that's okay. And you might get it right one
• 34:12
  Speaker 3: day and you might not get it right the next day.
• 34:15
  Speaker 3: And that's where we can hold grace and we can
• 34:18
  Speaker 3: just say, you know what I can do better? There
• 34:22
  Speaker 3: is opportunity for improvement, and we will move forward.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: I love the abby that that clears away sometimes a
• 34:29
  Speaker 2: place where I think can be a place of unfortunately
• 34:33
  Speaker 2: conflict when you're trying to co host something with your
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: spouse or whatever. Sure, if the goal becomes I want
• 34:40
  Speaker 2: to truly be able to be present, then it's not
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: so much about why do you think everything has to
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: be perfect?
• 34:46
  Speaker 3: Or why you know why?
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: I mean, you know whatever those conversations become because we've
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: all had them right before the door opens and you're
• 34:53
  Speaker 2: like sniping at each other. But how do we get
• 34:56
  Speaker 2: to that place where the motive is Hey, if we
• 34:59
  Speaker 2: can get planned enough, keep it simple enough, streamline it enough.
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: What that allows us to then do is really focus.
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: That I think helps even if somebody does have a
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: little bit more of a perfectionistic bent and somebody has
• 35:12
  Speaker 2: a more casual bent or whatever. That clears the decks
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: a little bit more on why we want to have
• 35:19
  Speaker 2: that preparation and things ready and think a little bit
• 35:22
  Speaker 2: ahead of time so that we can focus on the people,
• 35:26
  Speaker 2: which is the whole point.
• 35:27
  Speaker 3: So well, if you and if you identify and share
• 35:30
  Speaker 3: this with your husband, share this with you know, your
• 35:32
  Speaker 3: roommate or whoever you're hosting with, because you know I
• 35:37
  Speaker 3: there are times I'll give you an example. I was
• 35:41
  Speaker 3: hosting a baby shower with a group of women. We
• 35:44
  Speaker 3: all come from very different backgrounds, and we host We've
• 35:48
  Speaker 3: never we had never hosted a baby shower together, so
• 35:50
  Speaker 3: we had very different expectations of what our roles would be,
• 35:54
  Speaker 3: what the budget would be. And I I'm a real
• 35:56
  Speaker 3: big expectation setter, and so I tried to have the
• 35:59
  Speaker 3: conversation at the beginning and it fell flat. And so
• 36:02
  Speaker 3: we get into it and I'm thinking we're doing one thing.
• 36:05
  Speaker 3: Someone else is thinking we're doing another, and it's just
• 36:08
  Speaker 3: wires are being crossed and they're like, what are you doing?
• 36:11
  Speaker 3: And so we just kind of had to come together
• 36:13
  Speaker 3: and have a little heart to heart and say, hey,
• 36:17
  Speaker 3: this is my expectation and I do this because like
• 36:20
  Speaker 3: this is how I show love, and this is like
• 36:22
  Speaker 3: I want it. I want the details to be there
• 36:26
  Speaker 3: because I want when she walks in. I want her
• 36:29
  Speaker 3: to feel loved and seen and known and cared for.
• 36:32
  Speaker 3: And sometimes my husband doesn't understand that he is a man,
• 36:38
  Speaker 3: he is from Mars, and like I just like, I like, how,
• 36:43
  Speaker 3: how are we in the same room together?
• 36:45
  Speaker 2: You what?
• 36:47
  Speaker 3: But then I share with him, Hey, the purpose of
• 36:51
  Speaker 3: blowing off the front porch, or the purpose of like
• 36:54
  Speaker 3: cleaning our bathrooms today. I know that they were cleaned
• 36:57
  Speaker 3: this week, but cleaning them today, like that gives me
• 37:00
  Speaker 3: peace of mind that I don't have to stress about that,
• 37:03
  Speaker 3: like I want to focus on And he's like, oh,
• 37:07
  Speaker 3: if it was dirty, I still would have focused on
• 37:09
  Speaker 3: my people. And I'm like, I get that you would
• 37:11
  Speaker 3: have yeah, yeah, yeah, but I would not have and
• 37:14
  Speaker 3: it would have been a stressor for me. And then
• 37:16
  Speaker 3: he's able to show me grace and to say, oh,
• 37:20
  Speaker 3: I want to let you see that you are seen
• 37:24
  Speaker 3: and known and loved and I want to love you
• 37:26
  Speaker 3: by doing this, so like by bringing your husband in,
• 37:30
  Speaker 3: by bringing your friends into these conversations of like, this
• 37:33
  Speaker 3: is why I want to do this, or this is
• 37:36
  Speaker 3: why I'm doing Then it puts words and it puts
• 37:39
  Speaker 3: power and meaning and responsibility into the why behind hospitality
• 37:44
  Speaker 3: and why you care about these people and it might
• 37:48
  Speaker 3: even help them see more of God's beauty in hospitality.
• 37:54
  Speaker 2: I love that, Abby, I mean, Bravo, such a beautiful
• 37:57
  Speaker 2: way to put that. I want the listener to know
• 37:59
  Speaker 2: where that can go to find the book, find you
• 38:01
  Speaker 2: on social all the places.
• 38:04
  Speaker 3: Yeah, so I'm over at Abbey dot kirkindall. I'm sure
• 38:06
  Speaker 3: you're gonna have that down below, and the show notes somewhere,
• 38:10
  Speaker 3: and the book is everywhere books are sold. There's also
• 38:12
  Speaker 3: an audiobook that I got to excuse me that I
• 38:15
  Speaker 3: got to record, which is so fun. So if you
• 38:18
  Speaker 3: liked my voice today, make sure downaded.
• 38:22
  Speaker 1: No.
• 38:23
  Speaker 3: But in all honesty, I started a text thread. My
• 38:27
  Speaker 3: publisher was like, hey, you should start like a group
• 38:30
  Speaker 3: chat or a Facebook group, and that just seems so
• 38:35
  Speaker 3: overwhelming to me, So why not start a text group.
• 38:38
  Speaker 3: You've always got your phone and so it's just kind
• 38:41
  Speaker 3: of like a one on one text so like if
• 38:44
  Speaker 3: you text me, I can text you back kind of thing.
• 38:46
  Speaker 3: But that number is five oh one eight three three
• 38:50
  Speaker 3: sixty forty five five oh one eight three three sixty
• 38:54
  Speaker 3: forty five. You can text the word biscuits and I
• 38:57
  Speaker 3: will text you right back. Maybe not like immediately back,
• 38:59
  Speaker 3: but I will text back, and I periodically just like
• 39:03
  Speaker 3: put in like little nuggets of inspiration or Hey, I'm
• 39:06
  Speaker 3: going to be in Frisco, Texas today, would love to
• 39:09
  Speaker 3: air this week, would love to see you, and just
• 39:11
  Speaker 3: kind of like musings of me and like I have
• 39:15
  Speaker 3: loved I think I have like three hundred people on
• 39:17
  Speaker 3: that text thread right now, and it's just so fun
• 39:19
  Speaker 3: to connect with people all over. I say the world
• 39:22
  Speaker 3: because two people are in it from London. Okay, that's legit.
• 39:26
  Speaker 3: I know that will count. And so like I just
• 39:29
  Speaker 3: kind of try to, you know, connect with people that way.
• 39:33
  Speaker 3: And it has been you know, in a time, in
• 39:35
  Speaker 3: a day, in an era where we're all just trying
• 39:39
  Speaker 3: to consume less on social media. I find that we
• 39:43
  Speaker 3: still have our phones though, so you can still text me,
• 39:47
  Speaker 3: and it's been a fun way to connect. So do that.
• 39:50
  Speaker 3: Find me on Instagram, read the book, listen to the book.
• 39:53
  Speaker 3: I'd love to hear your thoughts.
• 39:55
  Speaker 2: Oh that is so great. I love the text idea.
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: That's so fun. We'll add Kirkandal, thank you so much
• 39:59
  Speaker 2: for and with me today. I know you've got a
• 40:01
  Speaker 2: ton going on with the book having just been released
• 40:04
  Speaker 2: and all the things going on at the house and
• 40:06
  Speaker 2: the baby and on and on. So thank you for
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: your transparency, the way you show up and for such encouragement.
• 40:12
  Speaker 2: Really appreciate you.
• 40:13
  Speaker 3: Thanks Julie bye.
• 40:15
  Speaker 2: All right, friend, you know what to do. Go to
• 40:16
  Speaker 2: those show notes that Abbi mentioned, because she is absolutely right.
• 40:19
  Speaker 2: Rebecca will have all those links and the text number
• 40:22
  Speaker 2: for you can find it there. I love to hang
• 40:24
  Speaker 2: out with you too, usually on Instagram is where you'll
• 40:26
  Speaker 2: find me. Julie Lyle's car and All Mom Does is
• 40:28
  Speaker 2: also on the socials with a whole lot of great
• 40:31
  Speaker 2: stuff for you to check out when it comes to
• 40:33
  Speaker 2: community ideas, all the things, So be sure and find
• 40:36
  Speaker 2: our great community with All Mom Does. Grab this link
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: send it to a friend because that is one of
• 40:41
  Speaker 2: the greatest thank yous you can give us when you
• 40:42
  Speaker 2: share these interviews and the amazing guests that we're able
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: to have on And I will see you next time
• 40:47
  Speaker 2: you're at the Almam Does podcast.