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Modern Parenting/ Surviving the Digital Generation 🤣 · Funny Comedy | Laugh Out Loud

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's such a crazy time to like be a parent because we're doing things so different.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 0:05
  SPEAKER_00: Like now you can choose your parenting style, like you used to choose a Mortal Kombat fighter.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Our parents only had one style, it was survival.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: That was it.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: They just had to make it through.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: But we chose conscious parenting, me and my husband, conscious parenting, which is uh annoying.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not gonna lie to you, it's annoying because it's not permissive, it's literally realizing every way in which you affect a tiny human life.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And you have to be so aware of everything, and it's so hard because you want you want to fight them.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_00: You want, you know you shouldn't, you know it's not their fault, but you find yourself getting frustrated at the craziest things.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: Because I would just be like, Why can't you use a spoon?
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: Give my son a spoon, he's like, No, you crackhead.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: There's yogurt everywhere now.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: And the stakes just get higher and higher as you go along.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: What you have to teach them, what you have to be patient with, because now we're at potty training.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: Literally, there was one time my son made full-on eye contact with me as he pooped on my living room floor.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And as a conscious parent, I was like, Way to listen to your body, little man.
• 1:50
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna do?
• 1:53
  SPEAKER_00: He's a kid, he doesn't know any better.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: What am I gonna roll up a newspaper, bang him on the head with it, push his face in it?
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: No, bad baby! I would call the cops on myself if I did that.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, you gotta come get me.
• 2:05
  SPEAKER_00: I finally broke.
• 2:08
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the amazing thing about conscious parenting that they don't tell you you learn as you do it.
• 2:13
  SPEAKER_00: The more you consciously parent your kid, the more it heals all of your crap.
• 2:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it really does.
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because you end up parenting the way you wish you had been parented.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: I found this out in the moment with my son because we were we do affirmations every morning.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's a darab on.
• 2:37
  SPEAKER_00: Don't get it twisted, it's Snoop Dogg affirmations.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: I want to thank me.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, I um it's a great affirmation.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_00: No, Snoop Dogg has a kid show.
• 2:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know, it's amazing.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, right?
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_00: Doggy land.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: If you don't know about it, watch it.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: He plays a character named Bow Whizzle.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're welcome.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: The song's all slap, you're welcome.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: So we were doing our Snoop Dogg affirmations, and my son has that cute little toddler voice, you know what I mean?
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like that, like I was like, say I am strong, and he's like, I am twong.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_00: Like, say I am brave.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, I am boy.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then I felt it, like all the stuff I didn't get.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: In that moment, I felt that, and like before I knew it, I was like, say I am loved.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: I gotta call your grandma.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: I don't even see that coming, man.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: And it's so crazy now I'm being a boy mom because uh the microscope is on us, man.
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: We are underneath such a microscope, everything we do.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm fine with it, because I think if we change the game, we could really change how things work out in the world.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: I really do.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_00: I don't mind it, you know what I mean?
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_00: And my girlfriends were on it right away.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: The second they found out that I was having a little boy, they were like, it's all up to you.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: You gotta fight the patriarchy.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, can I teach him the alphabet first?
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: I can.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: I just gotta be real intentional with it, you know what I mean?
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_00: Like, A is for accountability, B is for bodily autonomy, and C is for consent.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: Repeat it to mommy.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You have to be aware of these things, you know what I mean?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: And I think the thing that's hard now is that there's so many opinions on parenting now, and you don't know where to go.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: And as a parent, it can be hard to take the opinion of somebody who like doesn't have kids, for instance.
• 4:45
  SPEAKER_00: I found myself getting frustrated at people that would give parenting advice that don't have kids.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_00: And I I felt the way that a lot of parents do.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if you're not living this life, how do you know what to tell me to do?
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: Until I realized the reason why I should listen to these people is that they may not have kids, but they are coming from a perspective of a person who experienced a certain type of parenting.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I really had to think, what would my son say about my parenting?
• 5:14
  SPEAKER_00: And what would I want him to say about my parenting?
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: Not all of it, some people are dumb.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: Don't listen to everyone.
• 5:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because I did have a I did have a girlfriend that was like, you better raise him right.
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, what did you think the plan was?
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: What did you think?
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Think I got pregnant and I was like, I will raise him evil.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Go forth and destroy my child.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Of course I want to raise a good human being.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: But I also don't like being told what to do.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: So the second she said that, there was a part of me that wanted to be like, nope.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: I was gonna, but then you had said what you said.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Now I gotta make sure he has a misogynistic podcast by the age of seven.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: Just sitting there with some big old headphones, like, alza, alza, alpha male.
• 6:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm behind him with my problematic boy mom self, like, that's right, baby, these hoes ain't loyal.
• 6:29
  SPEAKER_00: It's just me and you forever.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: I can never be that mom.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: I can never be that mom.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of things that I like, I saw people doing that I knew I wasn't gonna do as a mom.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like the one thing I don't do is boys will be boys.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: I don't do that with my son.
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's too permissive.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: There's no equivalent for little girls.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: So I don't allow it.
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, the parents that I've seen do it, it gets out of hand real quick.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You just know it's gonna snowball to bigger things, like boys will be boys.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: He stabbed the babysitter.
• 7:06
  SPEAKER_00: He's a boy, he's learning to express on the um.
• 7:12
  SPEAKER_00: And I know you're not supposed to judge other parents, but I do.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: I do, I do.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: Only when I see them doing things that are detrimental to their children or to parenting in general.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: I can't help but pick up on that now.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like there was a woman who put out a video and it went viral, and this was the whole video.
• 7:31
  SPEAKER_00: She goes, I'm gonna teach my son how to cook so your daughter can't trick him into a relationship with her cooking.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, don't nobody want your dusty son.
• 7:43
  SPEAKER_00: First of all, don't act like a basic skill is something to brag about.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: And second, how long you been out the dating pool, ma'am?
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: What do you think is gonna happen?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: You think I'm just gonna leave a trail of empanadas that lead to an altar?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: He's gonna be like, oh no, I'm married.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: What kind of idiot did you raise?
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: There were so many things, and when, you know, me and my husband when we talked about how we were gonna do this, that we decided we were just not gonna do, right?
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: And there were certain things we promised ourselves that we would do.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because there was a lot to consider.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Not only do we want to raise a good human being, but also my son is multicultural.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: Like I said, he's mixed.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: He's half Puerto Rican, half white, hard T.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: That Midwest white hits different, you know what I'm saying?
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: Like that's I know there's white people here, but if my husband walked in, even y'all would be like, that's a white guy.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like you'd be like, be like, I'm white, but that's unseasoned chicken that just walked through the front door.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: That is that is level 10 white.