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Holidays Without Loved Ones · Let's Ask the Mamas!

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  Speaker 1: We got a question for American mamas. Dear mamas, how
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: do you deal with the first holiday after a loved
• 0:04
  Speaker 1: one passes? Well, let's ask our American mamas Alma and
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: joining us now. Our American mama is Terry Needeville and
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Kimberly Burlison. You guys, you've been through that with your dad,
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  Speaker 1: and then this year y'all lost your your mother. Your
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  Speaker 1: mother passed away. You've had special events since then. You've
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  Speaker 1: had Fourth of July, You've had you know, your daughter's wedding,
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  Speaker 1: You've had some special family events. Is it different when
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  Speaker 1: you get to Thanksgiving and Christmas?
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  Speaker 2: It is well, all of the first after the first
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  Speaker 2: year hard, all of the first and it's like the
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  Speaker 2: elephant that's in the room, you know, the heavy You
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  Speaker 2: always feel that heaviness in the midst of joy when
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  Speaker 2: that person that you love so much is missing as
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  Speaker 2: actually a matriarch or a patriarch, and there's a heartbreak
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  Speaker 2: behind the smile. But what we do as a family,
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  Speaker 2: we don't allow ourselves to avoid it, and we hope
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  Speaker 2: other people are the same way. You don't avoid it.
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  Speaker 2: We talk about it. We have been talking about mom
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  Speaker 2: and dad NonStop. We are going to remember our Thanksgivings together.
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  Speaker 2: We're going to the silliness of football games. But those
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  Speaker 2: memories are the ties that bind bond all of us together,
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  Speaker 2: and it keeps their love present in our lives today.
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  Speaker 2: And we're also going to continue some of the traditions
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  Speaker 2: that Mom put in Plafe. He created a soup party.
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  Speaker 2: It's the dumbest name ever, but Mom would have us
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  Speaker 2: all come to our house in December. Yeah, crammed into
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  Speaker 2: her little townhouse and she just makes like four or
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  Speaker 2: five different soups and it was we started calling it
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  Speaker 2: soup party, which she hated, but it was hilarious to
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  Speaker 2: us because we'd play some games, we'd eat soup, and
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  Speaker 2: then we'd go look at Christmas lights or we'd go
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  Speaker 2: to Billy Bob's and said, this will be We're going
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  Speaker 2: to continue that and care families coming in town and
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  Speaker 2: we're all going to get together on December seventh to
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  Speaker 2: have mom fuit party and they go dancing and that I.
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  Speaker 1: Want to ask what I want to ask a question
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  Speaker 1: real quick. You said don't avoid it. What do you
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  Speaker 1: mean by that? Because I mean it's not like you
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  Speaker 1: can avoid it because they're not there. What do you
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  Speaker 1: mean by don't avoid it?
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  Speaker 2: A lot of people avoid the elephant of the ring,
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  Speaker 2: which is the loss of somebody, by trying to talk
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  Speaker 2: around it, laugh around it, not bring it up. And
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  Speaker 2: we don't. We go right there. You know, when we're
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  Speaker 2: together for events like the wedding, the special things that
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  Speaker 2: we've already had, the very first thing we talk about
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  Speaker 2: is the fact that she's not there Mom. I feel
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  Speaker 2: Mom's energy, I feel Mom. You know, when the butterflies
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  Speaker 2: through right past, we knew it was Mom, and we
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  Speaker 2: talk about it. It's part of the day, so it's
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  Speaker 2: not something we try to avoid and pretend it's not happening.
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  Speaker 2: Our thoughts, our grief. We hit it straight on. It's
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  Speaker 2: part of the day, and I feel like that's how
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  Speaker 2: we cope. And we cope with humor as well. We
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  Speaker 2: make fun of things. But it's the only way I
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  Speaker 2: feel like you can get through it in a positive way,
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  Speaker 2: to get to the other side well, and the next
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  Speaker 2: is going to be even better.
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  Speaker 3: We were lucky because after Dad died, Mom showed us
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  Speaker 3: how you move forward and love and light and happiness
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  Speaker 3: and joy. She was kind of an example, you know,
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  Speaker 3: we you could fall into this pit of despair. But
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  Speaker 3: when you have the matriarch after we've just lost this
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  Speaker 3: light of our lives that you know, he was just
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  Speaker 3: just everything to all of us, and to see her say, well,
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  Speaker 3: we go on for them, you know, that's part of
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  Speaker 3: what we do. But here's what I've noticed. I've noticed
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  Speaker 3: that a lot of people, me included, we will will
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  Speaker 3: arm ourselves for the holidays. You arm yourselves, you prepare
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  Speaker 3: yourself for that loss, you get ready for it. It's actually
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  Speaker 3: the days, you know, those days are a little bit
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  Speaker 3: easier to me. You're with family, you've armed yourself, you're ready.
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  Speaker 3: You're like, okay, it's it's the But the devastation, the
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  Speaker 3: devastating days that come for me aren't the holidays. It's
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  Speaker 3: like these random days in between, when a song will
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  Speaker 3: come on, or a smell or somebody will have my
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  Speaker 3: mom's laugh and I'm just like, oh on the inside.
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  Speaker 1: When you don't see it coming.
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  Speaker 3: Yeah, when you don't see it coming. So I think
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  Speaker 3: that we kind of harm ourselves. But the other thing
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  Speaker 3: that I think that people do that's so great is
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  Speaker 3: they do continue traditions, like, you know, we'll make some soups,
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  Speaker 3: you know, we'll have the post. We'll make Mom's post
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  Speaker 3: toasties that her mother made for every Christmas. So what
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  Speaker 3: I would suggest to other people is, you know, carry
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  Speaker 3: on any of those traditions that your loved one that
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  Speaker 3: passed away, you know, think about what you could do
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  Speaker 3: to honor them or continue to continue that legacy. And
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  Speaker 3: whether it's food or a game or plans, you know,
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  Speaker 3: continue doing that. But the bottom line is is, like
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  Speaker 3: kimly said, just feel everything. And when you've got your
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  Speaker 3: family around you and you can all celebrate life, you're
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  Speaker 3: showing the next generation how to do it when you leave,
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  Speaker 3: when you leave this earth. And boy, what a wonderful
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  Speaker 3: time it was on earth. What a joy it's going
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  Speaker 3: to be worth there. Understand, watch us celebrate after the
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  Speaker 3: loss of our parents, because this is what we want
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  Speaker 3: you guys to do when we're not here anymore. Continue
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  Speaker 3: having fun, continue the fourth of July, continue making memories
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  Speaker 3: and laughing, laughing at us, laughing at some of those
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  Speaker 3: silly things that we did. All of it matters, all
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  Speaker 3: of it.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a very healthy thing to go through.
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  Speaker 1: And you know, my wife's mother passed away when we
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  Speaker 1: were in high school. In between Thanksgiving and Christmas.
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  Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
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  Speaker 1: And so that's that's, you know, something that we've dealt
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  Speaker 1: with for a long time too. But you're right. You
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  Speaker 1: do have to face it head on, and you have
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  Speaker 1: to face it with a smile, and you have to
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  Speaker 1: face it with humor. I think it's great advice. If
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  Speaker 1: you like to ask our American Mama is a question,
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  Speaker 1: go to our website Americanground Radio dot com slash Mama's
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  Speaker 1: and click on the ask the Mama's button. Terry, Netteville,
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  Speaker 1: Kimberly bur listen. Thank you so much, Thank you.
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  Speaker 2: M