Latest / The Career Mentor Podcast with Fexingo: Finding Mentors, Sponsors, and Career Advisors / How to Find a Mentor When You Are a High Achiever
Transcript
- Lucas: So Luna, let's talk about someone who's crushing it at work — consistently exceeds targets, gets the glowing reviews, maybe even manages a team — and yet, they can't seem to find a mentor. Sound familiar? Luna: Actually, that's a surprisingly common problem. I've seen it in our listener questions. High achievers often hit a ceiling and realize they've been so busy being the expert that they've never had someone to learn from. Lucas: Exactly. And that's the angle for today: why high achievers often struggle to find mentors, even though they might be the people who need them most. We're going to look at two main barriers — the perception problem and the asking problem — and then get into some practical fixes. Lucas: Let's start with the perception problem. When you're the go-to person in your role, people assume you don't need help. I remember reading about a senior engineer at a major tech company who told me that no one ever offered to mentor her because everyone assumed she had it all figured out. But she felt totally lost when it came to navigating office politics. Luna: Right, that's the 'you look like you're fine' trap. And it's not just about what others think — high achievers themselves often feel like asking for help would expose them as a fraud. Imposter syndrome, but in reverse. Lucas: That's a great way to put it. So the first thing we need to do is reframe mentorship as a two-way street. It's not a charity from a wise elder to a struggling novice. It's a mutually beneficial exchange where both people learn and grow. When you approach it that way, you're not admitting weakness. You're offering a partnership. Luna: And that's a mindset shift that can unlock a lot. But even with that mindset, there's still the practical question: how do you actually find a mentor when you're already the top performer in your area? Lucas: One strategy is to look for what I call 'peer mentors' — people who are just a few steps ahead of you, not ten steps. So if you're a senior manager, maybe seek out a director at another company or a principal in a different department. They're close enough to your world to understand your challenges, but they've already navigated the next level. Lucas: Another approach is to get specific. Instead of asking 'will you be my mentor?' — which feels heavy and can put someone on the spot — ask for input on one particular problem. For example, 'I'm struggling with how to delegate to my team without micromanaging. Could we grab coffee for twenty minutes and talk through that?' That's a concrete, low-commitment ask that people are more likely to say yes to. Luna: And then from that one conversation, a longer-term relationship can naturally develop. I've seen that happen a lot. The key is to show you value their time and you're not just looking for a free coach on speed dial. Lucas: Right. And this connects to something else I want to mention. High achievers often feel they need to have a perfect question or a polished presentation before they even approach someone. But sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is show a little vulnerability. Say, 'I've been doing this for a while, but I'm hitting a new challenge and I'd appreciate your perspective.' That honesty can be refreshing. Luna: And it signals coachability, which is actually what mentors are looking for. They want to invest in someone who will actually take their advice and grow, not just nod politely and go back to doing things the same way. Lucas: Exactly. And that's a good point to pause on. Because, you know, if today's conversation has given you a useful framework or a new angle on your own career, that's exactly the kind of value we try to deliver every episode. And if it's worth a coffee to you, we have a simple way to say thanks. It's buy me a coffee dot com slash fexingo. Small, easy, and it helps keep this show ad-free. Luna: Yeah, and we genuinely appreciate that. It lets us keep doing what we love. So thanks for considering. Now, back to the high achiever's dilemma. Lucas: Let's dig into another angle: the 'too busy' excuse. High achievers often say they don't have time to seek out a mentor, but the real issue is they don't prioritize it. Yet mentorship can actually save you time in the long run — by helping you avoid costly mistakes and navigate complex situations faster. Luna: That's a good cost-benefit framing. And it reminds me of a study that found executives with mentors were promoted faster and earned more. So it's not just a nice to have; it's a strategic career move. Lucas: And if you're a high achiever, you're probably already strategic about your career. So think of mentorship as another tool in your toolkit. It's like adding a board of advisors to your personal career. And you don't have to have just one mentor — you can have a 'personal board' with different people for different areas: one for political savvy, another for technical growth, another for work-life integration. Luna: That's a liberating idea. It takes the pressure off finding 'the one' perfect mentor. And it also means you can approach potential mentors with a very specific reason, which makes the ask even easier. Lucas: Right. So, to sum up, the high achiever's mentorship block is real, but it's surmountable. First, reframe mentorship as a two-way exchange. Second, look for peer mentors. Third, make a specific, low-commitment ask. Fourth, be willing to show a little vulnerability. And fifth, build a personal board of advisors. Lucas: Before we wrap up, let's address one more thing: what if you're the high achiever and you're also a potential mentor to someone else? Sometimes the best way to attract a mentor is to be a mentor. It puts you in a community of givers and often opens doors. Luna: That's such a good point. And it's something we've seen in our own experience — the more you invest in helping others, the more people are willing to help you. It's a virtuous cycle. Lucas: So if you're listening and you identify as a high achiever, maybe today is the day you reach out to someone you admire and ask for a specific, small piece of advice. And if you're not a high achiever, think about who in your network might be struggling with this exact problem. A simple 'hey, I've been thinking about your progress, is there anything I can help with?' can open a door for them. Luna: That's a great takeaway. And it's a reminder that mentorship is a two-way street, and sometimes the best way to get is to give. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next time.