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Capitulo 003: Mamis & Miches · Locatora Radio [A Radiophonic Novela]

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Speaker 1: Radio Radio Radio Mommies a Myth and Bullshit, a radio
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Speaker 1: phonic novella Local Radio hosted by malamun Hi. Everyone, welcome
0:22
Speaker 1: back to local Radio. Thank you for tuning in and
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Speaker 1: keeping Brown Girl time with us. We are really excited
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Speaker 1: about cats because we have three really really special guests
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Speaker 1: here today, Um, three of our friends from the Mommy
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Speaker 1: Collective who are going to come and talk to us.
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Speaker 1: And today we're serving mommy's and mitches. Yes. On our
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Speaker 1: second copulo, we called it Mimosas. No, Yeah, Mimosas and mommies,
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Speaker 1: but this is a nighttime get together, so we decided
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Speaker 1: to call it Mommies and Mitches. And we're actually recording
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Speaker 1: as shot Me Viva there on Avenue fifty two and York. Um.
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Speaker 1: They're really dope their community space. I know, we shouted
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Speaker 1: them out in our first capitulo. Uh, and we're so
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Speaker 1: lucky that we're being the recording here today and that
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Speaker 1: they're hosting us. So shout out to Um and Adriana
1:17
Speaker 1: from Shami Vita for holding it down for us. They
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Speaker 1: have a really cute holiday set up right now. They
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Speaker 1: have a ton of pins, ear rings, everything that you
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Speaker 1: want to give your loved ones, yeah and a beautiful yeah, yeah, yeah,
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Speaker 1: and yeah, support the vendors who are selling here their
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Speaker 1: original works. And also right now there's an incredible exhibition
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Speaker 1: like the art that's up at the shop. It's it's
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Speaker 1: here behind us, a bunch of different artists and their
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Speaker 1: interpretations of Leavin and like really beautiful. So really come
1:46
Speaker 1: check it out. And we're just gonna jump into it.
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Speaker 1: Our mommys and Mitzche's episode. So we want to start
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Speaker 1: off and introduce the mommies that we have today, and
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Speaker 1: I guess we could just start with Marisa. If you
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Speaker 1: want to enter, douce yourself, who you are, what do
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Speaker 1: you do, what do you love? And what does mommy
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Speaker 1: means to you? So, Hi, pleasure to be here. I'm
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Speaker 1: just really excited for this pleasure to have known you
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Speaker 1: all for like almost a year now, which is crazy,
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Speaker 1: and it's been amazing. I've learned so much from these
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Speaker 1: women and I'm so grateful to be in this space.
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Speaker 1: Um So, like she said, my name is Marizza. I
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Speaker 1: what I do for work is I'm a social services coordinator.
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Speaker 1: I work specifically providing services and resources for unaccompanied miners.
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Speaker 1: Um So that's what I do for work what I
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Speaker 1: do outside of work, Yeah, you want to share with
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Speaker 1: us outside of work, I try to get as involved
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Speaker 1: as possible in the community. I'm fairly new to the
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Speaker 1: Los Angeles area. I grew up in Orange County. UM.
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Speaker 1: I was born in Peru, moved to Orange County and
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Speaker 1: young and you at a young age, UM. And now
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Speaker 1: because of work, I moved to Los Angeles this past May,
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Speaker 1: and it's been an amazing experience. I feel like I
3:00
Speaker 1: was meant to grow up here, I was not meant
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Speaker 1: to do up counting, and it's brought me closer to
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Speaker 1: all of you. So, like I love, I love being
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Speaker 1: in these spaces. I love that there's so much movement
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Speaker 1: within their communities and so much going on. So I'm
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Speaker 1: excited for that, UM and to continue to grow within
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Speaker 1: that UM. So what does mommy mean to me? For me,
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Speaker 1: it's been super fucking empowering, especially since getting to note
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Speaker 1: each one of you individually, UM. And like I was
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Speaker 1: talking about Diana earlier, I sent her a SELFIEO photo
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Speaker 1: that I took of me wearing like like low cut
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Speaker 1: liotar and like things like that I would have never
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Speaker 1: honestly worn before. But I think after talking to her
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Speaker 1: and after seeing all of you, to be honest, like
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Speaker 1: be so comfortable in your bodies and loving yourselves just
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Speaker 1: so vividly like I've I've been thought time I love you,
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Speaker 1: and I've been just so much more comfortable in my
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Speaker 1: body as of the last few months and like just
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Speaker 1: really loving everything. And just before I was very cautious
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Speaker 1: of what I wore and like how it looked, and
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Speaker 1: so unconscious about about a lot of things. And now
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Speaker 1: like I'm just more open, more out there, more like
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Speaker 1: it's expressing myself and it's really been the form of
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Speaker 1: empowering myself. And that's really something that I've gained from
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Speaker 1: knowing me to one of you. Yes, I love that.
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Speaker 1: Can I just say, as someone that saw the selfie
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Speaker 1: that she said, yes, I am the other fm ak
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Speaker 1: arianna Um. I don't think I've said my my name
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Speaker 1: on here. So Manita sent me the selfie and she
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Speaker 1: was wearing this olive green leotard and her cleavage just
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Speaker 1: looked Yes this is she sent me. Yes, I'm at
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Speaker 1: the group chat. Didn't get the strang sending for the
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Speaker 1: group chance, no tape involved, no tape involved, like her
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Speaker 1: thighs or just like look at all delicious and brown
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Speaker 1: and yes, so are you for sharing that with us, Monita,
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Speaker 1: And that picture was great. I'm proud of that selfie
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Speaker 1: like for you, like I'm proud for you, beautiful. Um okay,
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Speaker 1: So we would also like to introduce the other two
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Speaker 1: mommies that are here. So cool. Hi. Everyone, my name
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Speaker 1: is Cattle. I'm the nerdy, petty brown girl. You also
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Speaker 1: may know as the Apple bus. I like books, bikes,
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Speaker 1: and hip hop and petty memes. Who I am? UM,
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Speaker 1: A little bit about me. I'm in graduate school and
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Speaker 1: urban planning. I know some folks have reached out to
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Speaker 1: me and be like, hey, I do urban planning as well,
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Speaker 1: So shout out to the women of color and urban
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Speaker 1: planning because that ship is white. And when I'm not
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Speaker 1: doing that, I'm being nerdy. I also work at a
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Speaker 1: research center, so I read a lot and I do
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Speaker 1: work on regional equity and like social movements and how
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Speaker 1: really like hard data can be used to advance social movements. Yes,
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Speaker 1: that's nerdy as fuck. Um so yeah, And when I'm
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Speaker 1: not doing that, I'm talking ship with the mommies on
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Speaker 1: a group chat group chat, which is so important. I
6:21
Speaker 1: think talking ship can also be fucking political and healing.
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Speaker 1: We're not being a fucking dick about it to people, Um,
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Speaker 1: what does mommy mean to me? I think it means resilience.
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Speaker 1: Like all of the women in the quote unquote Mommy
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Speaker 1: collective that we started through meeting each other, like have
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Speaker 1: gone through some fucking ship, like a lot of fucking ship,
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Speaker 1: and we go through ship every day. And I think
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Speaker 1: that what's really powerful about the group chat or just
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Speaker 1: our relationship is that we support each other unapologetically and unconditionally,
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Speaker 1: like somebody's talking on your stuff, like let's go, let's go,
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Speaker 1: like somebody's trying to swing. We're all taking off our moss.
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Speaker 1: And I think that's very fucking powerful to have friendship
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Speaker 1: that is unconditional. And like, I'm a virgo oh and
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Speaker 1: I also have a venus and Leo, so like I
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Speaker 1: need my friends to love me and give me attention,
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Speaker 1: and I suppose are my two pointers as well. And
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Speaker 1: I love her and I love us because we do
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Speaker 1: that for each other, right, no matter what the fucking
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Speaker 1: issue is, we back each other up. And I think
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Speaker 1: that's very powerful as women of color to do that,
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Speaker 1: especially in times where like being bad petty is also
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Speaker 1: like fucking cool, which is unfortunate. Toxic petty, toxic petty,
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Speaker 1: toxic petty. Yes you heard of her here right here.
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Speaker 1: Well hello everybody, My name is yes. Um, I am
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Speaker 1: a poet, UM professional, ship talker, meme creator. Umh want
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Speaker 1: to go whatever you want to go? I M yeah,
7:51
Speaker 1: like that's what I do. I write poems for a
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Speaker 1: living and I tell them a lot to people. And UM,
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Speaker 1: I've been blessed to be able to build community with
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Speaker 1: my move and for me, what a mommy means is
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Speaker 1: being unapologetic and taking up space, you know, um, especially
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Speaker 1: like in the sorry yall, I'm a little sick so
8:09
Speaker 1: I started coughing, or you hear somebody in the background.
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Speaker 1: Just it's just at the fact, okay. But um, what
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Speaker 1: the mommys is just like having a platform can be
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Speaker 1: really exhausting and being able to connect with other mohadas
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Speaker 1: that are going through the same things as you and
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Speaker 1: that know what that's like. And then without it sounding
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Speaker 1: like ego, you know where we can um shout out
8:31
Speaker 1: to Prisca and who are not here, but he's kind
8:35
Speaker 1: of Latina Rebels and Raquel who is um an editor
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Speaker 1: and writer for Latina Magazine and um so being able
8:42
Speaker 1: to talk with other women about whether it is to
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Speaker 1: have a platform and how exhausting that could be. Sometimes
8:47
Speaker 1: it's like really really important for me. And also like
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Speaker 1: these ladies are so empowering, Like like the other day,
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Speaker 1: god I was saying she wasn't having like the greatest
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Speaker 1: body positive day, and we're like, witch, we have receipts
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Speaker 1: and we started sending out a picture when she looks
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Speaker 1: and we're like, don't trying to play us or yourself.
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Speaker 1: And so I just like that I'm part of a
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Speaker 1: group of women that are like that, and I get
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Speaker 1: really really petty really fast. And I appreciate that I have,
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Speaker 1: like I mean, guys that will be down with my
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Speaker 1: pennies no matter what I do, because sometimes other girls
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Speaker 1: were trying to act like they're not about it with you,
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Speaker 1: and then like they'd be stuff tweeting and ship like that.
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Speaker 1: So the fact that I could, like, how ship to
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Speaker 1: my it is I love that. That's funny. You know.
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Speaker 1: One of my favorite things about the group chat, which
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Speaker 1: I'm glad you brought up, Yessica, is that we will
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Speaker 1: send each other like someone else's picture like that's in
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Speaker 1: the group. For instance, like if so we just posted
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Speaker 1: a z we just supposed to a picture that she's
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Speaker 1: looking hell the bomb, we will send it to each
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Speaker 1: other and everybody like damn, Mala, you look really great
9:47
Speaker 1: right now me and all that. So that's another aspect
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Speaker 1: of our We found girl over each other. I think
9:54
Speaker 1: we're each other's biggest we are, which I really love.
9:57
Speaker 1: And I actually really liked the idea of like ship
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Speaker 1: talking as being like it could be a good thing,
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Speaker 1: Like I was seeing there's an account with queer Chicano
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Speaker 1: cheese man. Yes, so so there was a threat about
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Speaker 1: how she's met, like as like oral tradition, as like
10:18
Speaker 1: staying informed, as like being on top of the news,
10:22
Speaker 1: and as like as a way of just being informed
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Speaker 1: like cheesemans like no, I'm letting you know what's going on,
10:26
Speaker 1: and I'm finding out what's happening. So we're saying, you know,
10:29
Speaker 1: abreast of the situation. So I love it. I think
10:32
Speaker 1: like cheesemans are heritage. No, like if it wasn't for cheesemith,
10:35
Speaker 1: like when was it? Um, I'm part of a collective
10:38
Speaker 1: called you want to fire shout out to my bottle
10:40
Speaker 1: and but um, we're gonna perform at a vent at
10:44
Speaker 1: venue that Royal Heights is boycotting and I didn't know,
10:48
Speaker 1: and then her hair homebroke. I don't hit me up,
10:49
Speaker 1: and she's like, hey, did you know? I did not
10:52
Speaker 1: say like that, no, but still yes, because I need
10:56
Speaker 1: to know all of the stuff. And we had a
10:57
Speaker 1: conversation and I was able to talk like, hey, we
11:00
Speaker 1: do this, and she's like, it's a good thing. You
11:01
Speaker 1: got your ear to the street. Yeah, because like you know,
11:04
Speaker 1: but like it's how She's like, we keep each other
11:06
Speaker 1: and form. Like people give gossip in cheesement a bad yes,
11:12
Speaker 1: um connotation because it's mostly things that that's something that
11:15
Speaker 1: how women keep each other and they don't a lot
11:18
Speaker 1: women to keep each other in power, in form and
11:20
Speaker 1: informed and talking about each other. It's super gendered also, um.
11:25
Speaker 1: And I think there's also like a queerness to cheesement
11:28
Speaker 1: as well. I know, like a lot of queer folks,
11:30
Speaker 1: you know, we are that he has always like talking
11:32
Speaker 1: about cheeseman and the tea and the tea. Yeah, so
11:36
Speaker 1: there's a lot of yes cheeseman as like self preservation
11:39
Speaker 1: or something. I love it, Yes, all right, and that
11:43
Speaker 1: being said, so let's get into our questions. Let's get
11:48
Speaker 1: into our discussion topics for this couple. Look, because we
11:50
Speaker 1: want to talk about love, and not just romantic love,
11:54
Speaker 1: but any type of love, however that is. You know
11:57
Speaker 1: that we interpret it individually. So the first conversation that
12:01
Speaker 1: we want to have is talking about, you know, how
12:03
Speaker 1: do you love yourself? How do you continue loving yourself
12:06
Speaker 1: or learn to love yourself while you're loving somebody else? Right, So, again,
12:11
Speaker 1: romantic or not romantic, we want to hear what you
12:14
Speaker 1: guys think, like, how do you navigate that? How do
12:17
Speaker 1: you maintain your love of self and self care and
12:19
Speaker 1: all of that good stuff while you're pouring your attention
12:22
Speaker 1: into another person? Right? Who wants to start? I want
12:28
Speaker 1: to start. I always have a lot to say about anything,
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Speaker 1: but I think for me, how I maintaining a lot
12:34
Speaker 1: of myself while I loving the other votes. It's like
12:37
Speaker 1: understanding that my art is my own. I'm a writer.
12:39
Speaker 1: I write about being in love, bolly and and love
12:42
Speaker 1: my relationships with people. But I've learned to not apologize
12:46
Speaker 1: of how I write about love within my work. So
12:49
Speaker 1: within my work, I show up authentically asked myself at
12:51
Speaker 1: all time, and that's my space. So whether it's like
12:55
Speaker 1: I'm super googly I love with somebody or I hate
12:58
Speaker 1: them that day, or it's for my mama, who I
13:00
Speaker 1: feel really great about that day, or I'm frustrated with
13:04
Speaker 1: and try to show up as authentically myself within my work.
13:09
Speaker 1: And sometimes also it's like knowing that it's easy to
13:12
Speaker 1: get caught up in the bubble, you know, the relationship,
13:15
Speaker 1: the relationship and um where you disappear for everybody for
13:18
Speaker 1: like two months or whatever. So it's kind of like
13:20
Speaker 1: knowing that, Okay, it's been a week since I talked
13:22
Speaker 1: to anybody that's not this person that's my lover, So
13:26
Speaker 1: I gotta like check in with other people because there's
13:29
Speaker 1: a whole world that exists out of that kind of love.
13:32
Speaker 1: Just kind of like always reminding yourself that you belong
13:34
Speaker 1: to multiple worlds as opposed to the one that you're
13:37
Speaker 1: creating with your partner. I love when you belong to yourself, yes,
13:41
Speaker 1: and you belong to yourself, And that's something I had
13:43
Speaker 1: to learn kind of the tough wig because for me
13:47
Speaker 1: a couple of years back, like I was in the
13:49
Speaker 1: six year relationship and when that relationship ended. We had
13:52
Speaker 1: been so consumed in each other for those six years
13:55
Speaker 1: that literally when that relationship ended, I had nobody and
13:59
Speaker 1: it was the hardest thing for me because I had
14:01
Speaker 1: nobody to run to to help me heal, to help
14:04
Speaker 1: me through that process. So I literally had to start
14:07
Speaker 1: from the bottom, like working my ass off to rebuild
14:11
Speaker 1: these friendships and to reconnect and create new friendships. Um
14:17
Speaker 1: So so that was stuff. So now like that, I
14:19
Speaker 1: see that for future relationships, future partnerships that I may have,
14:24
Speaker 1: my main focus will forever be my friends, will forever
14:26
Speaker 1: be my family. Whoever be those people around Like, yeah, awesome,
14:31
Speaker 1: that person is there and they can be in my life,
14:32
Speaker 1: but I exist before that, right, Expose them? Is that theme? Yes,
14:45
Speaker 1: expose them? I agree, But yeah, that's for It's like,
14:52
Speaker 1: it's difficult. It's so interesting to me, like like hearing
14:56
Speaker 1: yes talk right now, that the fact that you have
15:00
Speaker 1: your whole life and your routine and your friends and
15:03
Speaker 1: your family and your network and your community, but then
15:06
Speaker 1: when a romantic partner comes into the picture, it's strange
15:10
Speaker 1: that it then becomes a struggle to maintain your everyday,
15:13
Speaker 1: regular ass ship that you've been living for for all
15:16
Speaker 1: these years, like all of a sudden, like your world
15:19
Speaker 1: gets kind of like shifted, and then now it's work
15:22
Speaker 1: to see the friends that you've known your whole life,
15:25
Speaker 1: and it's worked to make sure you spend time with
15:27
Speaker 1: your parents. It's interesting to me. Yeah, I mean it's
15:30
Speaker 1: because love is out consuming, right, So who move on
15:34
Speaker 1: for someone? Like it's such a good feeling, it's such
15:37
Speaker 1: a high, Like we want that all the time, suhoria.
15:40
Speaker 1: So you're like, oh, it's okay, like I can call
15:41
Speaker 1: my later anytime whatever, because you want to be with
15:44
Speaker 1: this other person. That's like in toxicating to you. But
15:48
Speaker 1: at the same time, you gotta remember that like that
15:50
Speaker 1: feeling is only like gonna last for so long as
15:52
Speaker 1: a relationship is gonna starting to work soon too, And
15:55
Speaker 1: then like how are you getting take care of yourself
15:56
Speaker 1: outside of that relationship, because like if you don't have
15:59
Speaker 1: your whole us to talk, like, how are you gonna
16:02
Speaker 1: go with the relationship? And then that's how I think
16:04
Speaker 1: sometimes we read a lot of talks of things when
16:06
Speaker 1: we cut off the outside world and all we know
16:09
Speaker 1: is the relationship And are we being like an an
16:11
Speaker 1: abusive situations? Yeah, we don't even know into your adem
16:15
Speaker 1: Like what anybody telling me this was happening? Right? You try?
16:18
Speaker 1: You want to your isolating yourself? Yeah, definitely. Um, how
16:26
Speaker 1: do you love yourself when you're loving someone else? So
16:29
Speaker 1: I won't talk about this in a romantic context, but
16:32
Speaker 1: I think with friendships, I'm gonna gasp myself. I hope
16:37
Speaker 1: this is true. If you're my friend, please tell me
16:39
Speaker 1: from like trying to be Oh my god exposed when
16:46
Speaker 1: the tables turned. But I tried to be like a
16:49
Speaker 1: good friend. And I'm like a fucking ride or die
16:51
Speaker 1: a bit about ship and so like sometimes by sometimes,
16:54
Speaker 1: I mean all the time, I want to be able
16:55
Speaker 1: to do that for me as well. And I think
16:58
Speaker 1: that when that doesn't happen, and I'm like, what the funk?
17:01
Speaker 1: I thought we were friends? And we and I was,
17:03
Speaker 1: and I am friends with these people. But I think
17:05
Speaker 1: the way that some others define friendship and I define
17:08
Speaker 1: it are very drastically different. Um. So there's moments where
17:12
Speaker 1: I have friends friendship heart breaks and I'm like, damn,
17:14
Speaker 1: you didn't do this for me, but I would have
17:16
Speaker 1: done it for you, So like what's the deal. But
17:18
Speaker 1: the person really had no idea that I have like
17:20
Speaker 1: these very high virgo expectations of friendship, so sometimes like
17:25
Speaker 1: it's not there's no balance, there's not much of a
17:28
Speaker 1: balance and how I conceptualized friendship, especially when like I
17:32
Speaker 1: think ship that is reserved for the romantic doesn't have
17:35
Speaker 1: can exist outside of the romantic, right, Like I could
17:38
Speaker 1: be loving on my friends, I could be touching on
17:39
Speaker 1: my friends and consensual ways um and I could be
17:43
Speaker 1: right or die for them like a quote unquote partner would.
17:46
Speaker 1: But when friends don't do that for me, I'm like,
17:47
Speaker 1: what the funk? I thought we were friends and we are,
17:50
Speaker 1: but just not in the way that I think we are.
17:53
Speaker 1: I woant to I want to talk about that a
17:55
Speaker 1: little bit because I've actually gotten into trouble by partners
17:59
Speaker 1: because I love my friends so much like they have
18:02
Speaker 1: this idea or partners. In the past, I've had this
18:04
Speaker 1: idea that my affection that I would give to friends
18:07
Speaker 1: like exclusively for partners. So shout out to my best
18:11
Speaker 1: friends Richard and Sebastian. I know that child are listening
18:14
Speaker 1: and I love them so much. Like you know when
18:17
Speaker 1: you have those friends where you're in love with them,
18:18
Speaker 1: but it's still platonic like those are them for me
18:22
Speaker 1: so um navigating relationships and even you know, relationships that
18:26
Speaker 1: I may have in the future, like romantic ones, trying
18:29
Speaker 1: to negotiate that like, hey, like I love these people
18:32
Speaker 1: so much, like I love the mommy so much, and
18:35
Speaker 1: like you're gonna have to accept that, like because they're
18:37
Speaker 1: like like at the same level as you. If you
18:39
Speaker 1: want to get my friends, you have seen it with
18:43
Speaker 1: my mom. Yes, And I come from like what you're
18:47
Speaker 1: saying as well. I've noticed that even more in the
18:49
Speaker 1: last couple of months. I tend to be this person
18:53
Speaker 1: that I want to fix everyone, and not not like
18:59
Speaker 1: in a bad way, but like any time somebody has
19:02
Speaker 1: a problem or they feel depressed, or they feel like anxiety,
19:05
Speaker 1: there's work or whatever is going on in their lives,
19:08
Speaker 1: Like I always want to be the answer. And I'm
19:11
Speaker 1: catching myself now in those spaces where I'm like, no,
19:13
Speaker 1: I can't always be the answer. I can't always put
19:15
Speaker 1: myself in that situation because I'm dropping everything to try
19:19
Speaker 1: to heal you when I need to make sure that
19:22
Speaker 1: I'm healing myself first and not putting myself in the
19:25
Speaker 1: way of like toxic partnerships, or toxic anything. Um. So
19:30
Speaker 1: I'm noticing that more as of recently, um and just
19:36
Speaker 1: I've been more vocal about it, especially like with potential
19:39
Speaker 1: partners that I'm like, I realized this is happening, but hey,
19:43
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be there for you, but I need that
19:45
Speaker 1: in return. I need that reciprocated. I was like, if
19:48
Speaker 1: I'm going to be down for you, if I'm going
19:49
Speaker 1: to do all these things for you and answer your
19:50
Speaker 1: calls that for I am calm you down, whatever you need, like,
19:53
Speaker 1: I expect the same in return. And when it doesn't
19:56
Speaker 1: happen for me, yeah, I get super let down. And
19:58
Speaker 1: I'm just like, we're not even to together yet, So
20:00
Speaker 1: this is what's happening, and this is why I'm at. Yeah,
20:05
Speaker 1: so maintaining your boundaries while you're loving yourself loving somebody else, right,
20:10
Speaker 1: And because love blurs boundaries, it does like all kinds
20:14
Speaker 1: of boundaries, like boundaries of time space, Like there's so
20:20
Speaker 1: much so then too, and I feel like a lot
20:22
Speaker 1: of times what happens in a relationship, you fall in
20:24
Speaker 1: love really quickly, so all boundaries go out the window
20:27
Speaker 1: in some ways. So then to then have to re
20:30
Speaker 1: establish boundaries, that's really tricky, right, and then that's where
20:34
Speaker 1: like communication is really important, and like that's where you see, Okay,
20:38
Speaker 1: is this a relationship, like is it two ways or
20:43
Speaker 1: or am I feel avoid this person? Yeah? I was
20:48
Speaker 1: talking to this too, and supply you hadn't had feelings
20:52
Speaker 1: for anybody like and forever, which is typical guyline, just
20:55
Speaker 1: so you know, it's like I haven't liked anybody like this.
20:59
Speaker 1: Two weeks go, they were talking somebody whatever. So we
21:04
Speaker 1: started talking about me on the phone all the time
21:06
Speaker 1: because he um worked that night and he was a driver,
21:09
Speaker 1: so I would talk to him all night and if
21:11
Speaker 1: he was in my hood, he'd bring me like a
21:13
Speaker 1: snack and then we'd like sit in his car. It
21:15
Speaker 1: was super cute for two weeks, and then I realized
21:17
Speaker 1: that I wasn't writing, I wasn't hanging out with friends
21:21
Speaker 1: like I looked up and I had put everything on hold, right,
21:23
Speaker 1: And so one day I just needed like detached and
21:26
Speaker 1: didn't want to like talk to him. So they didn't
21:28
Speaker 1: answer his phone. Calle didn't anything. He saw me on
21:31
Speaker 1: Instagram and then he blew up my phone and then
21:34
Speaker 1: he was just like I just want to make sure
21:36
Speaker 1: that I'm not getting played. I'm like, hold on to
21:38
Speaker 1: stuff like that. The moment that I said some type
21:41
Speaker 1: of boundary, you went somewhere else, and that's when I
21:44
Speaker 1: knew that, Like, it wasn't so the second there was
21:47
Speaker 1: a boundary, there was an ultimatum. It was just like,
21:50
Speaker 1: I like, how do I know you're not playing me?
21:52
Speaker 1: How do I know you're not throwing or whatever? And
21:54
Speaker 1: then I was just like, no, I can't. This can't
21:56
Speaker 1: because you weren't all of me, which is flattered, but like,
22:01
Speaker 1: I have so many other things to do, and because
22:04
Speaker 1: I'm somebody with a platform, there's so many people that
22:06
Speaker 1: want so much of me too. You gotta be chilled
22:09
Speaker 1: at with the fact that you're gonna share me with
22:11
Speaker 1: thirteen thousand other people you're wanting. That's like, you're gonna
22:16
Speaker 1: be cool with me having a buck career. Yeah. Yeah,
22:20
Speaker 1: So those are boundaries. And I think you pointed out
22:23
Speaker 1: something important and I might be projecting, but I'm saying anyway,
22:26
Speaker 1: I think I've been thinking about this. Um. I think
22:31
Speaker 1: that men want like people to be their mother's Like
22:34
Speaker 1: they'll be like, oh, I like this person because they're
22:37
Speaker 1: nice to me, And then I'm like I'm like, if
22:41
Speaker 1: you like someone because they're nice to you, and they
22:43
Speaker 1: ask you if you ate, I don't say, like, you
22:46
Speaker 1: don't want a partner, you want your mother. And that's
22:49
Speaker 1: a fucking problem. And that's something that needs to be
22:51
Speaker 1: identified with sucking men, because I think many times men
22:54
Speaker 1: confuse partnerships with well, I'm gonna, you're gonna, I'm gonna
22:57
Speaker 1: be your vessel of emotional and psychological a labor for
23:01
Speaker 1: your ass to succeed on keeping you alive and keeping
23:04
Speaker 1: you alive because we're nice, right, because we're not. So
23:07
Speaker 1: I think that's something that needs to be assessed and
23:10
Speaker 1: I think it merits like a better investigation to all
23:13
Speaker 1: assists heat men, please check yourself. I really believe that
23:18
Speaker 1: the vast majority of SIS head men would greatly benefit
23:21
Speaker 1: from therapy. I recommend all SIS heat men to go
23:26
Speaker 1: to therapy. I really do. It doesn't need to be
23:29
Speaker 1: traditional like Anglo Saxon American therapy, like whatever it is
23:34
Speaker 1: that it's going to heal you, like you know what
23:37
Speaker 1: I'm saying, you know, liked so they have a emote, emote.
23:45
Speaker 1: I would like that. I think that would be helpful
23:47
Speaker 1: for a lot of people. I think I got to
23:49
Speaker 1: share this article today about or was it yesterday that man,
23:53
Speaker 1: it was pretty scarten men could benefit from like physical
23:57
Speaker 1: consensual affection from their friends. It's a beautiful article. However,
24:01
Speaker 1: I will say that I believe that in some ways
24:03
Speaker 1: men of color do have in some ways do touch
24:07
Speaker 1: each other like non consensually, no, consensually, like in a
24:11
Speaker 1: friendly way more often than white men do. Like if
24:13
Speaker 1: you think about like the way men of color might
24:15
Speaker 1: hug each other when they say hello, you know, or
24:18
Speaker 1: the way that they shake hands, how it's like more
24:21
Speaker 1: prolonged sometimes. I don't know, I think that there's like
24:25
Speaker 1: subtle ways that men of color like they will touch
24:28
Speaker 1: each other a little bit more. Will they admit that, No,
24:31
Speaker 1: because the homophobia is real, right, so they're not going
24:34
Speaker 1: to admit that. But I think that there is I
24:36
Speaker 1: don't know. I think there's a little bit of a
24:37
Speaker 1: difference in the way that men of color interact with
24:39
Speaker 1: each other versus white men. Yeah, I think everyone should
24:42
Speaker 1: like cuddle with their friends. How essentially cuddle with their friends.
24:45
Speaker 1: It makes a difference, you know, totally, it really does.
24:50
Speaker 1: So I guess we could talk about also, like like
24:54
Speaker 1: expanding on kind of what I think God Will started
24:57
Speaker 1: talking about is like when the love that you're giving
24:59
Speaker 1: is not being riciped cadd right, Like, how do you
25:02
Speaker 1: like continue to love yourself when you're dealing with somebody
25:05
Speaker 1: who's not reciprocating that to you? And I even think
25:07
Speaker 1: that like that happens a lot like in families, Like
25:10
Speaker 1: I think sometimes you have situations where, like children they're
25:14
Speaker 1: like really wanting to be lovey dovey with their parents
25:17
Speaker 1: or with another relative, but maybe that relative is not
25:19
Speaker 1: very affectionate, right, Like I think that there are some
25:22
Speaker 1: mothers who are not very affectionate mothers right outwardly. So
25:25
Speaker 1: how do you how do you love yourself when you're
25:27
Speaker 1: not receiving the type of love that you want and
25:29
Speaker 1: you need, you know, like to feel validated and special.
25:34
Speaker 1: I have this saying that I tell myself whenever I
25:36
Speaker 1: m it started. I was part of a group of
25:39
Speaker 1: friends and it became very like clicky, like, um, it
25:43
Speaker 1: was like the queen being the group and she would
25:45
Speaker 1: purposely hang out with other people and leave one person
25:48
Speaker 1: out and she felt you needed to be encourished for
25:50
Speaker 1: something right, very mean girl, like totally mean girls scenario.
25:54
Speaker 1: But while going through that and me being the person
25:56
Speaker 1: that was being excluded. I came up with this saying
25:59
Speaker 1: that says, you can't be everything for everyone, right and
26:02
Speaker 1: now it's just like all I could be is Jessica
26:04
Speaker 1: and just whatever that means, whatever that is, however that
26:07
Speaker 1: shows up and in all these friendships when I feel
26:09
Speaker 1: that people are gravitating more for someone else, or they're
26:12
Speaker 1: being louder and their love towards someone else, or like
26:16
Speaker 1: there was a time where I was at the party girl,
26:18
Speaker 1: so when my friends who went out a party and
26:20
Speaker 1: without me, I was just like, I can't be everything
26:21
Speaker 1: for everybody, Like I'm just who I am, and I
26:24
Speaker 1: have to be okay with that, Like I have to
26:26
Speaker 1: stop trying to be to fit every single part that
26:30
Speaker 1: this person needs in their life, you know. And I
26:33
Speaker 1: have to be okay with our friendship existing the way
26:35
Speaker 1: that it does. And um, it's hard, but that's how
26:37
Speaker 1: I like I usually. So if you ever seen me
26:39
Speaker 1: post it online, it's because I'm having one of those
26:41
Speaker 1: days where I need to be like it's cool, Like
26:43
Speaker 1: it's cool, yes, good, Like people have other needs that
26:46
Speaker 1: you can't meet, and sometimes we've got to be aware
26:49
Speaker 1: of that, you know, because I think we think that
26:52
Speaker 1: love builds everything, right, and like like like you should
26:56
Speaker 1: just be okay with me. And I think in my
26:59
Speaker 1: last relations ship, I came to that realization that like
27:02
Speaker 1: love isn't enough, and that was a really hard realization
27:05
Speaker 1: for me to have because this person really loved me,
27:08
Speaker 1: you know, but I needed something more. There was maybe
27:11
Speaker 1: the type of love she was giving me it wasn't
27:14
Speaker 1: what I needed at the time. I'm still I'm still
27:16
Speaker 1: processing the end of that relationship, but yeah, like having
27:20
Speaker 1: that that moment like oh my god, like love is
27:22
Speaker 1: not everything and it's not enough that will sustain me, right,
27:27
Speaker 1: feels take a sense right now. I had a friendship
27:35
Speaker 1: that ended like very strangely and abruptly, and like it
27:39
Speaker 1: was a type of friendship where like I was always
27:41
Speaker 1: hitting her up and like I was always inviting her
27:44
Speaker 1: out and always making sure she felt to include it, right.
27:47
Speaker 1: But then like the second I didn't text her, and
27:51
Speaker 1: I was like it was kind of I was like,
27:53
Speaker 1: I'm an experiment with this situation because I really feel
27:55
Speaker 1: like this bitch will not text me back, like, will
27:57
Speaker 1: not text me if I'm not the first one to initiate, right, yeah,
28:01
Speaker 1: And a month went by and I didn't hear from her.
28:03
Speaker 1: Two months went by, three months, It's been a couple
28:05
Speaker 1: of years and I have not heard friend you know
28:07
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So it was a type of situation
28:09
Speaker 1: where it was strange to me because if I hit
28:12
Speaker 1: if I hit her up, she would always say, yeah,
28:14
Speaker 1: let's go out, let's hang out. But then when it
28:16
Speaker 1: came to like seeing if if she even thinks of
28:21
Speaker 1: me or it wants to include me and things, or
28:23
Speaker 1: wants to invite me out or you know, that wasn't happening,
28:27
Speaker 1: you know, on her end. So it was really strange
28:30
Speaker 1: to me when that that that friendship ended, because like
28:34
Speaker 1: when it ended, it ended, you know, and so like
28:38
Speaker 1: I don't know, like has anybody else had that type
28:40
Speaker 1: of friendship or like you're you're the one putting in
28:42
Speaker 1: like yeah, I'm planning stuff for going out, but they
28:45
Speaker 1: really don't put that effort back in. I had a
28:48
Speaker 1: best friend twenty five years women in kindergarten in French
28:51
Speaker 1: for such a long time, and I was the one
28:53
Speaker 1: I was doing then all the emotional work in a relationship,
28:56
Speaker 1: and she was always ready way to point out right
28:58
Speaker 1: shortcomings and all these and so I was always the
29:00
Speaker 1: one like i'll change, I'll do better, I'll do these things.
29:03
Speaker 1: And then when um, maybe like around five years four
29:06
Speaker 1: years ago, I started going through with this whole new growth,
29:08
Speaker 1: like this new personal growth, coming out of a depression
29:11
Speaker 1: and like all these ugly parts of these dark places
29:13
Speaker 1: of my life, you know, and finding um medical help
29:17
Speaker 1: from my mental illnesses and all that kind of stuff.
29:20
Speaker 1: So I came into a better me, and she didn't
29:22
Speaker 1: believe that I was a better person. So she kept
29:25
Speaker 1: bringing up this old Jessica that did something in high
29:27
Speaker 1: school and I kissed the boy she liked in high
29:30
Speaker 1: school or some ship, and she can't Bringing it up
29:34
Speaker 1: in a friendship was just getting more and more exhausting,
29:36
Speaker 1: until one day she told me to get out of
29:38
Speaker 1: her life, and I said, I can't. I can't stay
29:41
Speaker 1: where I'm not wanted, and I dipped out in twain.
29:44
Speaker 1: Over the twenty five years of friendship that like that, wow, yeah,
29:47
Speaker 1: but you know, other than that, like but even in that,
29:51
Speaker 1: it was a very sad friendship to lose. But I
29:53
Speaker 1: found a freedom because I I lost this fear of
29:56
Speaker 1: always losing. There was always this constant fear of losing
29:59
Speaker 1: this person, and so once I lost them, I saw
30:01
Speaker 1: that I was fine, and I was just like, well
30:04
Speaker 1: it we've been a part of each other's like for
30:06
Speaker 1: so longer I was gonna be family. So like, I
30:08
Speaker 1: don't hate her, but she doesn't have to actively be
30:11
Speaker 1: in my life because it was too exasting. Yeah that's right. Yeah,
30:17
Speaker 1: I'm finding it hard to answer the question, and I'm like, oh, ship,
30:22
Speaker 1: are you that friends? Got no? No, But then it's
30:26
Speaker 1: like I think it's like, am I pulling Not that
30:30
Speaker 1: I don't love myself, but other moments while I pull
30:32
Speaker 1: her extract energy from my friends so that they can
30:34
Speaker 1: help me love myself. And do I need to be
30:36
Speaker 1: walked through that? And if that's the case, then I
30:39
Speaker 1: need to go to counseling, which I do have an
30:41
Speaker 1: appointment out there today. What's good, I'm gonna get me
30:45
Speaker 1: something like that would better that for real done? Um,
30:50
Speaker 1: So I think that's a very that's a very important
30:52
Speaker 1: thing to assess. Like I had, like this kind of
30:55
Speaker 1: serious situation in school happened the other day and like
30:59
Speaker 1: I found myself off, like telling a bunch of friends
31:01
Speaker 1: because I needed reassurance even though through even just Caucasian logic.
31:05
Speaker 1: I knew that what was happening didn't make sense and
31:09
Speaker 1: it was unjust just in general, right, like being one
31:12
Speaker 1: of the few brown kids from the fucking hood, like
31:14
Speaker 1: at this really white school and graduate program's sucking, scary
31:17
Speaker 1: and stressful, and sometimes I just don't believe in myself.
31:20
Speaker 1: But then I'm like, well, funk, like hello, folks backed
31:22
Speaker 1: me up left and right, So so why are you
31:24
Speaker 1: judging yourself? And so I think that points out that,
31:27
Speaker 1: like I find my love for myself and my value,
31:30
Speaker 1: which is kind of sad, but I mean that's why
31:32
Speaker 1: I love my folks so hard. Through my folks and
31:35
Speaker 1: they remind me and they'll like slap me, be like,
31:36
Speaker 1: what the funk are you talking about? Bitch, you're fucking
31:38
Speaker 1: fly like y'all hid in the group. Um. So I
31:42
Speaker 1: think my friends are a reflection or mayor and obviously
31:47
Speaker 1: have very powerful and like dop as, I don't give
31:49
Speaker 1: a friend. So I think I get my energy from
31:52
Speaker 1: you all, which is just the realization I just had,
31:55
Speaker 1: which I think, I think it's really nice at what
31:59
Speaker 1: you're saying because us like you're you're taking what you're given.
32:03
Speaker 1: Does that make sense. That sounds weird when I say it.
32:06
Speaker 1: You're like before, you're also putting out into the into
32:10
Speaker 1: your friend universe. You get you're coming back to you
32:14
Speaker 1: like the way like when you need it, like to
32:16
Speaker 1: be uplifted. I know that I've texted the group chat
32:19
Speaker 1: and like a panic about something, and God will will
32:21
Speaker 1: back me up and be like you got this, Like
32:24
Speaker 1: you're good, We're here for you, we love you and
32:26
Speaker 1: all this. So I feel like, you know, you're putting
32:29
Speaker 1: that out into the universe, and that's why it's it's
32:31
Speaker 1: also coming back to you, boomerang. There're notting wrong with
32:36
Speaker 1: wanting to be seen and wanting to make feel valid,
32:39
Speaker 1: like I think we're we're told that like adders were
32:43
Speaker 1: supposed to be bad as pitches that don't want anything,
32:46
Speaker 1: don't need anything, but that's not true. Like we're people
32:49
Speaker 1: of community. We come from a culture, like our ancestors
32:53
Speaker 1: lived in tribes and communities, and so you need that
32:56
Speaker 1: you like to drive off from each other and this
32:58
Speaker 1: whole like um independent individual like white eye. That's like
33:06
Speaker 1: what people that like call our parents every day. They're
33:09
Speaker 1: like help dinner with our families, live with our families.
33:14
Speaker 1: So like for you don't want to feed off of
33:16
Speaker 1: the people that you love. It's not like a bad thing,
33:18
Speaker 1: and don't say anything about you. Also, the notion of
33:21
Speaker 1: like like no one cauld love you if you don't
33:23
Speaker 1: love yourself is stupid, Like let me just look get
33:26
Speaker 1: its that because it keeps getting going around racing. It's like,
33:28
Speaker 1: you gotta love yourself if you want to feel love,
33:30
Speaker 1: or you can't love anybody if you don't love yourself.
33:32
Speaker 1: That's really fun up to tell people that they're not
33:34
Speaker 1: worthy of love if they haven't found reasons to love
33:36
Speaker 1: themselve themselves. And so sometimes our friends are the ones
33:40
Speaker 1: that helped get us to the place where we could
33:42
Speaker 1: be like, oh shoot, I'm bomed. But before that, like
33:45
Speaker 1: we don't see it. So it's up to our community
33:47
Speaker 1: like me our mirror and tell us like this is
33:49
Speaker 1: who you are and this is how much you're valued.
33:51
Speaker 1: And I learned that recently that my love language is
33:55
Speaker 1: words of affirmation. So for me to feel I guess
33:59
Speaker 1: validated or feel like I'm making a difference in somebody's lives,
34:02
Speaker 1: like I need to hear it from you. I need
34:04
Speaker 1: you to tell me even in the workplace. For me
34:07
Speaker 1: like I need somebody to tell me, Hey, you're doing
34:09
Speaker 1: a good jobanguage you help these kids, or even like
34:14
Speaker 1: when families come into our office and they're just like
34:16
Speaker 1: so grateful for all the work that we do for them,
34:19
Speaker 1: I'm just like break down because I see I see
34:22
Speaker 1: it just like in front of me, like all the
34:25
Speaker 1: work and every all the growth and all the just
34:28
Speaker 1: love that we're putting out there in the community and
34:30
Speaker 1: even in partnerships. I like to hear that I'm valued,
34:34
Speaker 1: that I'm appreciated more than anything. So that's how I know,
34:38
Speaker 1: and and then that's how I amyable. I guess to
34:40
Speaker 1: like recycle that back and give it back to you
34:43
Speaker 1: through words of affirmations. Now, yeah, made me think of like,
34:48
Speaker 1: so this year I've started discovering a lot or maybe
34:52
Speaker 1: this past year and a half about mental health through friends.
34:54
Speaker 1: Like friends would post stuff and then like I would
34:56
Speaker 1: like google things or like shout out to sembwhere and
34:59
Speaker 1: like read about mental illness and I was like, oh shit,
35:03
Speaker 1: that's me. So like the past year and a half,
35:06
Speaker 1: I've been discovering a lot about mental health and anxiety.
35:09
Speaker 1: And I've also just had side side note like physical
35:11
Speaker 1: symptoms of anxiety quick. Fact, if you are having an
35:15
Speaker 1: anxiety attack, it's possible to get a bloody nose because
35:18
Speaker 1: you're capillaries could pop because your blood is flowing so quick.
35:23
Speaker 1: So that happens to you. I mean, it's it's normal
35:25
Speaker 1: for an anxiety attack. Like, don't freak out that happened
35:28
Speaker 1: to me, or like PATIKII like popped blood vessels, like
35:33
Speaker 1: those are physical symptoms of an anxiety. Shut up. I
35:36
Speaker 1: just didn't know my nose started bleeding and I was
35:37
Speaker 1: like crying. I was like, oh, fun. Yeah. Side note,
35:40
Speaker 1: but I've been posting a lot about mental illness on
35:43
Speaker 1: Instagram because that's just who I am, Like my days
35:46
Speaker 1: have been bad, but like folks on message and be
35:50
Speaker 1: like hey, like I feel that too, Like I thought
35:53
Speaker 1: I was the only one, and I was like I
35:54
Speaker 1: thought I was the only one, and I thought it
35:55
Speaker 1: was sucking weird for telling everybody I have mental health issues.
35:59
Speaker 1: So I think like through social media, at least in
36:01
Speaker 1: spaces of color that I know, like we've seen kind
36:04
Speaker 1: of this opening or this vessel where we could talk
36:07
Speaker 1: about our issues with mental health and be okay with
36:10
Speaker 1: that and not feel embarrassed. Because when I first started
36:13
Speaker 1: talking about it, I felt embarrassed or like I wanted
36:15
Speaker 1: to hide it from my family, But now I don't.
36:18
Speaker 1: Like when I had that breakdown and I had to
36:19
Speaker 1: leave work because I'm crying now a bloody knows um.
36:23
Speaker 1: I told my mom, was like, I gotta go. It
36:25
Speaker 1: was right after the election. I just burst literally blood um,
36:29
Speaker 1: And like I told my mom and she was like, yeah,
36:32
Speaker 1: She's like, don't like, don't worry, like you'll be fine.
36:35
Speaker 1: If you need to go to the hospital, you should,
36:37
Speaker 1: But she wasn't like stigmatizing it or like I think
36:41
Speaker 1: I assume my mother would stigmatize mental health, but I
36:43
Speaker 1: was wrong, And I've been wrong about like what my
36:46
Speaker 1: mother would know or not know many times about my life.
36:49
Speaker 1: But my mother was very supportive and understood what I
36:52
Speaker 1: was talking about. And so I think that goes to
36:55
Speaker 1: show again as like folks of color, children of immigrants,
36:57
Speaker 1: like our parents haven't died so much around mental health,
37:00
Speaker 1: but they haven't always had the platform like Instagram to
37:03
Speaker 1: tell us or talk about it. And I think that's
37:08
Speaker 1: really Um, you brought up something that I actually wanted
37:11
Speaker 1: to talk about, but I wasn't. This is just a
37:14
Speaker 1: good transition is what I'm trying to say. My mother
37:17
Speaker 1: actually the other day told me that I didn't have
37:19
Speaker 1: a mental illness and that I don't even we were talking.
37:24
Speaker 1: I was was telling her that I was looking looking
37:26
Speaker 1: at therapist and I was just I'm trying to like
37:28
Speaker 1: feel better about myself and just like trying to get
37:30
Speaker 1: my mental health in a better place and all this stuff.
37:33
Speaker 1: And I also have been struggling on an offer with
37:35
Speaker 1: an eating disorder for the past over five years, and
37:38
Speaker 1: she she knows that. So she tells me like, well,
37:41
Speaker 1: you don't have a mental illness, and I kind of
37:43
Speaker 1: just sat there and I was like, Okay, so everything
37:46
Speaker 1: that I've been telling you for the past year isn't
37:49
Speaker 1: really valid or what's going on. So then for me,
37:51
Speaker 1: it's like my mom has so much of her own
37:54
Speaker 1: trauma and her own issues with mental health is she
37:56
Speaker 1: doesn't want to see it in me and also doesn't
37:58
Speaker 1: want to think about how she can read it to
38:00
Speaker 1: that either, you know. So it's kind of this really
38:03
Speaker 1: weird place that I'm trying to navigate it right now
38:05
Speaker 1: where I'm like, Okay, I know that it's not that
38:07
Speaker 1: black and white and you're not like evil for saying this,
38:10
Speaker 1: you know, but also like that's kind of sucked up,
38:13
Speaker 1: you know when I'm telling you like everything that I've
38:15
Speaker 1: been feeling, and then you want to be like, well, no,
38:18
Speaker 1: not really. That's the thing because a lot of our
38:20
Speaker 1: parents grew up with a mental illness looking a specific
38:23
Speaker 1: way right then your hysterical, you can't function or whatever.
38:27
Speaker 1: When I was in high school, I got a guy
38:29
Speaker 1: who knows of manic depression, which is bipolar. I forget
38:33
Speaker 1: what which one of it is, but it's bipolar, and
38:37
Speaker 1: my therapist wanted to medicate me. My parents were like nope,
38:41
Speaker 1: like we're cool with her going to therapy, like we're
38:42
Speaker 1: already doing a lot by her talking to you whatever.
38:45
Speaker 1: But really quickly, like because of things that I used
38:48
Speaker 1: to say in therapy, social workers came to my home
38:51
Speaker 1: because my dad was an alcoholic and he would drive
38:53
Speaker 1: while we were drunk or you know, things that are
38:55
Speaker 1: not fucked up to our parents were happening in our home,
38:58
Speaker 1: and they were sucked up situations where my therapist felt
39:01
Speaker 1: I was in danger. So for them it became like
39:05
Speaker 1: this thing that therapy is really like fucking up your family,
39:10
Speaker 1: and like this this darting thing, and so um, I
39:13
Speaker 1: always continued with it, and I always like take care
39:15
Speaker 1: of myself, um emotionally mentally through my writing. So I
39:19
Speaker 1: was I learned coping mechanisms outside of that. But I
39:22
Speaker 1: always look like, who would I have been had I
39:25
Speaker 1: been able to take what I needed when I was
39:27
Speaker 1: sixteen seventeen? Like how different when my life have been?
39:31
Speaker 1: You know? And um, I can't really get too angry
39:33
Speaker 1: with my parents because they didn't know any better. They
39:35
Speaker 1: were just doing what they could with what they had.
39:38
Speaker 1: And UM, like it sucks, you know that You're like,
39:41
Speaker 1: oh man, you're the people I love the most. Names
39:42
Speaker 1: people are supposed to care of me, but you don't
39:44
Speaker 1: even know how to take care of me. I didn't
39:46
Speaker 1: even know how to take care of yourselves yourself medicating
39:49
Speaker 1: with alcoholic you know, And it's the psycho And I
39:52
Speaker 1: think like as we're learning and social media like helps
39:54
Speaker 1: us all get in touch with more things, like it's
39:57
Speaker 1: super dope, but it's also good to keep in my
40:00
Speaker 1: and toil always check ourselves that. Um, I always check
40:04
Speaker 1: ourselves when we are quick to self diagnosed, you know,
40:07
Speaker 1: because a lot of times and I know all of
40:09
Speaker 1: us are talking about this separately, that we're quick to
40:12
Speaker 1: cast certain things disabilities and sometimes you might just be
40:15
Speaker 1: going through an anxious perioding. I know I'm talking about
40:17
Speaker 1: somebody though you know what you are, But like people
40:23
Speaker 1: awkward to like call themselves distay old, and it takes
40:26
Speaker 1: away from the people like from Cato, like from Gato,
40:29
Speaker 1: who had like a real situation that like where she
40:31
Speaker 1: had to physically remove herself from somewhere where I have
40:33
Speaker 1: an idea with entiety, but my daddy has never been
40:37
Speaker 1: that whereas matter if I said itself physically, like maybe
40:39
Speaker 1: it's just been more like like I just cry, I
40:43
Speaker 1: just want to get out of a room. But I
40:45
Speaker 1: would never compare it to like the level of other things.
40:48
Speaker 1: But I think what I'm trying to get to is
40:50
Speaker 1: that everything is hyper focused on social media. So when
40:53
Speaker 1: we're looking at things, you should always be mindful of
40:56
Speaker 1: when we self diagnosed until always check in with like
40:59
Speaker 1: a therapist, story accounts, yeahs, you know, speak to other
41:03
Speaker 1: people that we don't all have the medical resources, but
41:05
Speaker 1: you can always ask like, hey, I'm broke, how can
41:08
Speaker 1: I get access to mental care? I'm glad that you
41:11
Speaker 1: brought that up up. I was I was thinking about
41:14
Speaker 1: the idea of self diagnosis because there is a danger
41:18
Speaker 1: to self diagnosis and also a stigma. Right on the
41:21
Speaker 1: flip side, there's this reality that like, you can read
41:25
Speaker 1: about symptoms and experiences that reflect your own right and
41:30
Speaker 1: might give you a hint that what you're dealing with
41:34
Speaker 1: might be right a mental health issue that maybe you
41:36
Speaker 1: should go check in with the therapists. But reading up
41:39
Speaker 1: about knowing the definition of trauma does not mean that
41:43
Speaker 1: you are traumatized, right, Like, it's not the same thing.
41:47
Speaker 1: Knowing the definition of mental health does not mean that
41:50
Speaker 1: you have a mental illness. I think we're in this
41:52
Speaker 1: periment right now where people were it's like a trending
41:54
Speaker 1: thing to take on causus and to take on like
41:57
Speaker 1: to you, certain words without knowing the meaning behind them,
41:59
Speaker 1: and using the word disabled or using words like trauma
42:02
Speaker 1: are are very dangerous things to always use in broad strokes,
42:06
Speaker 1: because we're taking the power away from the people that
42:08
Speaker 1: actually have these things, are have endured these things and
42:11
Speaker 1: have like gained the courage to say like I am,
42:15
Speaker 1: you know, I have this traumama survivor of X Y
42:17
Speaker 1: Z or I have a disability and this is my
42:19
Speaker 1: disability where home girl shows up, that's just like Hasard
42:23
Speaker 1: has had a bad month, and it's like I have
42:25
Speaker 1: a disability because I like here's and here's my here's
42:28
Speaker 1: Here's where my issue comes in is you you cannot
42:31
Speaker 1: use your or you should not, or I would hope
42:36
Speaker 1: that you wouldn't use like your your your experience as
42:41
Speaker 1: a weapon against somebody else. Right, so you don't claim, oh, well,
42:46
Speaker 1: I go off and cuts that people with less social
42:49
Speaker 1: capital than me and less of a voice than me,
42:52
Speaker 1: And I cuts it people online because I have a
42:55
Speaker 1: mental illness, which is really just a way of saying that, well,
42:58
Speaker 1: you don't want to be held accountable for causing harm
43:01
Speaker 1: to others, right because and that's also offensive to people
43:05
Speaker 1: who do have mental illnesses, because what are you saying
43:08
Speaker 1: that people who have mental illness is diagnosed, medicated or
43:11
Speaker 1: not medicated. I don't know how to control themselves or
43:15
Speaker 1: don't know how to hold themselves accountable, or don't know
43:17
Speaker 1: how to be good to it, or don't know how
43:18
Speaker 1: to be good to other people, because that's not really
43:20
Speaker 1: always how it works, you know. I mean, at the
43:24
Speaker 1: end of the day, it's all about like, like what
43:26
Speaker 1: we're talking about. This whole episode is about love and
43:28
Speaker 1: how you love yourself and how you show up in
43:30
Speaker 1: situations where you love other people. And like, we're all
43:33
Speaker 1: dealing with a bunch of different kinds of traumas, even
43:36
Speaker 1: just as people of color insisting in spaces that don't
43:39
Speaker 1: welcome us and don't want us in these spaces. But
43:41
Speaker 1: it's just like, how do you show up as the
43:43
Speaker 1: best you? And how do you magnify that love that
43:45
Speaker 1: you have for yourself like towards other people. If like
43:48
Speaker 1: most of what you're based on is not that, then
43:51
Speaker 1: like you're sucking up somewhere and you need to like
43:54
Speaker 1: take a second and like chill out and like go
43:56
Speaker 1: like some candles and like do some beer by yourself,
43:59
Speaker 1: and like whatever it is, um bring some stage. But
44:04
Speaker 1: everything that we're supposed to do for our own betterment
44:06
Speaker 1: and the betterment of who we are as people, And
44:08
Speaker 1: sometimes if you don't know how to do that, then
44:11
Speaker 1: just chill out and let somebody else do it and
44:12
Speaker 1: take you figure it out. How do we get here?
44:15
Speaker 1: I don't know. She's self via self love, and she's
44:20
Speaker 1: mad self love. She's me for self love. Yeah, but
44:23
Speaker 1: I think I think we've we've talked about a lot
44:26
Speaker 1: today just in the past what like forty five minutes,
44:29
Speaker 1: and I think, um, maybe if we want to if
44:32
Speaker 1: we have anything that we want to say in closing
44:35
Speaker 1: final words, because we need to wrap up, you know, Um,
44:39
Speaker 1: I know everybody has places that they need to be
44:42
Speaker 1: and we want to thank everybody for coming today. Thank
44:46
Speaker 1: you Yesato, for showing up and for talking to us
44:50
Speaker 1: and our listeners. So is there any last words, anything
44:52
Speaker 1: else that you guys want to say on the topic
44:54
Speaker 1: or anything for the listeners who tuned in for this.
45:00
Speaker 1: Just celebrate yourselves, you know, celebrate when surrounding that are
45:05
Speaker 1: creating an amazing content, Like this podcast is so necessary,
45:09
Speaker 1: Like I get to travel on the other latinas and
45:12
Speaker 1: just people want to go do poetry and in other cities.
45:14
Speaker 1: And the fact that radio has been like mentioned in
45:19
Speaker 1: another city. So it's like, but if you're listening to
45:25
Speaker 1: this and you're actually that's in another city and whatever,
45:28
Speaker 1: it just like always reach out. We're all hella, like
45:31
Speaker 1: we all met, party met, we met, like but but
45:35
Speaker 1: and the way that we met it so funny, funny
45:37
Speaker 1: because like we met up right and we were supposed
45:40
Speaker 1: to go to one location. But one of the mommies
45:43
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to expose her, because you know,
45:46
Speaker 1: I'm not going to be rude, but one of the
45:48
Speaker 1: mommies had an empty bottle of what I don't know what,
45:51
Speaker 1: I don't remember what it was. I think it was
45:53
Speaker 1: an empty bottle of tequila or whiskey or something in
45:55
Speaker 1: her purse. Hennessy it was Hennessy, I don't member, but
46:00
Speaker 1: she had an empty bottle in her purse. So we
46:01
Speaker 1: were going to get in line to go to the
46:04
Speaker 1: Down and Out because that was the location that like
46:07
Speaker 1: Latina Rebels and she's gonna fire put out blast to
46:09
Speaker 1: everybody meet us at the Down and Out. So every
46:12
Speaker 1: you guys were expecting I don't know how many people,
46:15
Speaker 1: a lot expecting a lot of people. I saw the
46:17
Speaker 1: post online and I was like, I'm going I have
46:20
Speaker 1: to meet these girls, right. So we get there and
46:22
Speaker 1: we're all getting into the Down and Out. Everything's fine,
46:24
Speaker 1: but then our one home girl who had the bottle,
46:26
Speaker 1: they stopped her. They searched her purse, they found the bottle,
46:29
Speaker 1: and they were like, you can't come in. And she
46:32
Speaker 1: was like a very integral person who needed to be
46:34
Speaker 1: there right, they were like, we can't let you into
46:35
Speaker 1: the down and out. So then the rest of us
46:37
Speaker 1: are like, what the fuck, and like Brisca's like, we're
46:40
Speaker 1: expecting like a ton of like women to show up,
46:44
Speaker 1: like for us, you have to let us in, and
46:46
Speaker 1: they were like no, like you can't. It was so
46:49
Speaker 1: dramatic and unnecessary. So then we went across the street
46:52
Speaker 1: to on a lounge and then we turned up and
46:54
Speaker 1: then we met each other and so selfies and latina.
46:59
Speaker 1: It's just part mean in the room and I remember
47:01
Speaker 1: I was at Barne was just like is it your birthday?
47:03
Speaker 1: I'm like no, that was a bunch of us celebrating
47:07
Speaker 1: ourselves without any of y'all. Yeah, but that's how we met,
47:11
Speaker 1: like through partying and like shout out to like all
47:14
Speaker 1: of the women that are like have layers and are
47:16
Speaker 1: like the passages that do everything. You know, and this
47:19
Speaker 1: is to yourself to go out, you'll meet that, you're
47:22
Speaker 1: going to meet your money anywhere, and like we're always
47:24
Speaker 1: down to like have a good time. Yes, we were
47:27
Speaker 1: complex beings, you know. I think that was like probably
47:30
Speaker 1: one of the highlights of was like meeting all of
47:32
Speaker 1: y'all in real life because I know we all followed
47:34
Speaker 1: each other via social media, Like Marizza followed me when
47:39
Speaker 1: I was living in Peru and she followed me because
47:41
Speaker 1: she said, I don't know how she saw we were
47:43
Speaker 1: connected somehow via social media. Turns out she's been wanna
47:48
Speaker 1: she like still has family in Fidu, and we ended
47:51
Speaker 1: up talking via social media that way, and then comes
47:54
Speaker 1: that turns out that she organizes with one of our
47:57
Speaker 1: friends here in Orange County. So it's just small world.
48:01
Speaker 1: We're all connected and it's really great. So I'm really
48:04
Speaker 1: glad that we all met in my life. Yeah, vulnerability
48:11
Speaker 1: is important, yes, it UM. I think just a reminder
48:18
Speaker 1: that there are resources out there for us that that
48:22
Speaker 1: we can definitely utilize. I mean, I work with unacompanied miners,
48:25
Speaker 1: and I work like advocating mental health UM and therapy
48:30
Speaker 1: and all all of these things too. Families, especially UM,
48:35
Speaker 1: it's primarily Central American families, and just talking to them
48:38
Speaker 1: about about mental health and destigmatizing it like we were
48:41
Speaker 1: talking about UM and just starting that conversation with them
48:44
Speaker 1: about the importance and I'm constantly telling them you should
48:48
Speaker 1: treat your your mental health like you would treat your
48:50
Speaker 1: physical health. If you're hurt and you cut your leg
48:54
Speaker 1: and you need to go to the hospital, like you
48:56
Speaker 1: would obviously do that right away, Why would we treat
48:59
Speaker 1: our mental health any differently, Like it's just as important. UM.
49:03
Speaker 1: So I'm constantly advocating for that and talking to our
49:05
Speaker 1: families and binding resources for our unaccompanied miners because they've
49:09
Speaker 1: been through some ship and UM it's just providing them
49:14
Speaker 1: these outlets that they so desperately need. And the more
49:17
Speaker 1: I've networked with other organizations, there's so much, so much
49:20
Speaker 1: funding and resources out there that's put specifically for our
49:24
Speaker 1: communities that we need to utilize. UM. So they're out there.
49:28
Speaker 1: UM we can always connect you with those things if
49:31
Speaker 1: you if you want to know more, I'm specifically located
49:35
Speaker 1: in downtown l A. So that that's kind of the
49:37
Speaker 1: network that I'm into right now. I just started seeing
49:40
Speaker 1: a therapist last Thursday that I'm absolutely in love with. UM.
49:44
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm so looking forward to to what's gonna
49:48
Speaker 1: happen and grand thank you for sharing that. So I
49:53
Speaker 1: guess for us from last look, our last words would
49:58
Speaker 1: be thank you for tuning in, thank you for listening
50:01
Speaker 1: to us again, and for supporting and for listening to Mariza.
50:06
Speaker 1: Yesica and Gott will talk about you know, love and
50:09
Speaker 1: mental health and all the chess men, all the ship
50:11
Speaker 1: that we like to talk about on the regular anyways,
50:14
Speaker 1: and um, we are gonna be posting announcements for our
50:20
Speaker 1: next number four, so look out for that. This is
50:23
Speaker 1: our last so we have so many wonderful things planned
50:29
Speaker 1: for seventeen, so stay tuned. Um, yeah, we'll be posting
50:33
Speaker 1: announcements on Instagram and all the other exciting things we
50:36
Speaker 1: have planned. So yeah, thanks for listening. Thank you, Bessitas