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004 - When Doctors Disagree · Selected Short Stories

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Speaker 1: Chapter four of The Man Upstairs. This is a LibriVox recording.
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Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
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Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Recording
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Speaker 1: by Mike Harris. The Man Upstairs by P. G. Woodhouse
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Speaker 1: When Doctors Disagree is the story title. It's possible that,
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Speaker 1: at about the time at which this story opens, you
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Speaker 1: may have gone into the Hotel Belvoir for a hair cut.
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Speaker 1: Many people did. For the young man behind the scissors,
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Speaker 1: though of a singularly gloomy countenance, was undoubtedly an artist
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Speaker 1: in his line. He clipped judiciously, he left no ridges,
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Speaker 1: he never talked about the weather, and he allowed you
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Speaker 1: to go away unburdened by any bottle of hair food.
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Speaker 1: It's possible, too, that being there, you decided that you
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Speaker 1: might as well go the whole hog and be manicured
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Speaker 1: at the same time. It's not unlikely, moreover, that when
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Speaker 1: you had got over the first shock of finding your
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Speaker 1: hands so unexpectedly large and red, you felt disposed to
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Speaker 1: chat with the young lady who looked after that branch
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Speaker 1: of the business. In your genial way, you may have
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Speaker 1: permitted a note of gay but gentlemanly baddenedage to creep
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Speaker 1: into your end of the dialog, in which case, if
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Speaker 1: you would raise your eyes to the mirror, you would
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Speaker 1: certainly have observed a mark an increase of gloom in
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Speaker 1: the demeanor of the young man attending to your apex.
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Speaker 1: He took no official notice of the matter, a quick frown,
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Speaker 1: a tightening of the lips. Nothing more jealous as Arthur
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Speaker 1: Welsh was of all who inflicted gay baddenedage. However, gentlemanly
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Speaker 1: on Maud Peter's he never forgot that he was an artist. Never,
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Speaker 1: even in his blackest moments, had he yielded to the
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Speaker 1: temptation to dig the point of the scissors the merest
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Speaker 1: fraction of an inch into a client's skull. But Maud,
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Speaker 1: who saw, would understand, and if the customer was an
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Speaker 1: observant man, he would notice that her replies at that
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Speaker 1: juncture became somewhat absent, her smile. A little mechanical jealousy,
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Speaker 1: according to an eminent authority, is the hydra of calamities.
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Speaker 1: The sevenfold death. Arthur Welsh's was all that and a
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Speaker 1: bit over. It was a constant shadow on Maude's happiness.
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Speaker 1: No fair minded girl objects to a certain tinge of
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Speaker 1: jealousy kept within proper bounds. It's a compliment. It makes
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Speaker 1: for piquancy. It is the gin in the ginger beer
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Speaker 1: of devotion. But it should be a condiment, not a fluid.
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Speaker 1: It was the unfairness the thing which hurt Maud. Her
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Speaker 1: conscience was clear. She knew girls, several girls who gave
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Speaker 1: the young men with whom they walked out ample excuse
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Speaker 1: for being perfect Othello's. If she had ever flirted on
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Speaker 1: the open beach with the baritone of the troop of Pierot's,
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Speaker 1: like Jane Otty, she could have excused Arthur's attitude. If,
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Speaker 1: like Pauline Dicey, she had rollers skated for a solid
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Speaker 1: hour with a black mustached stranger while her fiancee floundered
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Speaker 1: in Mug's alley, she could have understood his frowning disapprovingly.
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Speaker 1: But she was not like Pauline. She scorned the coquetries
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Speaker 1: of Jane. Arthur was the center of her world, and
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Speaker 1: he knew it ever since the rainy evening when he
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Speaker 1: had sheltered her under his umbrella to her tube station.
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Speaker 1: He had known perfectly well how things were with her
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Speaker 1: and yet just because in a strictly business like way
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Speaker 1: she was civil to her customers, he must scowl and
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Speaker 1: bite his lip and behave generally, as if it had
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Speaker 1: been brought to his notice that he had been nurturing
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Speaker 1: a serpent in his bosom. It was worse than wicked.
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Speaker 1: It was unprofessional, she remonstrated with him. It isn't fair,
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Speaker 1: she said, one morning, when the rush of customers had
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Speaker 1: ceased and they had the shop to themselves, matters had
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Speaker 1: been worse than usual. That morning, after the days of
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Speaker 1: rain and grayness, the weather had turned over a new leaf.
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Speaker 1: The sun glinted among the bottles of unveiling lotion in
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Speaker 1: the window, and everything in the world seemed to have
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Speaker 1: relaxed and become cheerful. Unfortunately, everything had included the customers.
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Speaker 1: During all the last few days, they'd taken their seats
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Speaker 1: in moist gloom and brooding over the prospect of coming
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Speaker 1: colds in the head. It had little that was pleasant
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Speaker 1: to say to the divinity who was shaping their ends.
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Speaker 1: But to day it had been different, warm and happy.
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Speaker 1: They had bubbled over with gay small talk. It isn't fair,
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Speaker 1: she repeated Arthur, who was stropping a razor and whistling
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Speaker 1: tunelessly raised his eyebrows. His manner was frosty. I failed
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Speaker 1: to understand your meaning, he said, you know what I mean?
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Speaker 1: Do you think I don't see you frowning when I
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Speaker 1: was doing that gentleman's nails. The allusion was to the
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Speaker 1: client who had just left, a jovial individual with a
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Speaker 1: red face, who certainly had made Maud giggle a good deal.
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Speaker 1: And why not if a gentleman tells really funny stories?
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Speaker 1: What harm is there in giggling? You have to be
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Speaker 1: pleasant to people. If you snubbed customers, what happened? What
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Speaker 1: sooner or later it got round to the boss? And
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Speaker 1: then where were you? Besides, it was not as if
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Speaker 1: the red faced customers had been rude. Write down on
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Speaker 1: paper what he had said to her, and nobody could
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Speaker 1: object to it. Write down on paper what she had
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Speaker 1: said to him, and you couldn't object to that either.
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Speaker 1: It was just Arthur's silliness. She tossed her head. I
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Speaker 1: am gratified, said Arthur ponderously. In happier moments, Maude had
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Speaker 1: admired his gift of language. He read a great deal
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Speaker 1: encyclopedias and papers and things. I am gratified to find
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Speaker 1: that you had time to bestow a glance on me.
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Speaker 1: You appeared absorbed. Maude sniffed, unhappily. She had meant to
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Speaker 1: be cold and dignified throughout the conversation, but the sense
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Speaker 1: of her wrongs was beginning to be too much for her.
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Speaker 1: A large tear splashed on to her tray of orange sticks.
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Speaker 1: She wiped it away with the shammy leather. It isn't fair,
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Speaker 1: she sobbed. It isn't you know. I can't help it
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Speaker 1: if gentlemen talk and choken me. You know, it's all
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Speaker 1: in the day's work. I'm expected to be civil to
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Speaker 1: gentlemen who come in to have their hands done. Silly,
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Speaker 1: I should look sitting as if I had swallow polk.
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Speaker 1: I do think you might understand, Arthur, you being in
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Speaker 1: the profession yourself, he coughed. It isn't so much that
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Speaker 1: you talked to them as that you seem to like
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Speaker 1: He stopped. Maude's dignity had melted completely. Her face was
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Speaker 1: buried in her arms. She did not care if a
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Speaker 1: million customers came in all at the same time. Maud.
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Speaker 1: She heard him moving towards her, but she did not
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Speaker 1: look up. The next moment, his arms were round her
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Speaker 1: and he was babbling, and a customer pushing open the
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Speaker 1: door and noticed. Two minutes later retired hurriedly to get
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Speaker 1: shaved elsewhere, doubting whether Arthur's mind was on his shob
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Speaker 1: for a time, this little thunderstorm undoubtedly cleared the air.
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Speaker 1: For a day or two, Maude was happier than she
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Speaker 1: ever remembered to have been. Arthur's behavior was unexceptionable. He
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Speaker 1: bought her a wristwatch light brown leather, very smart. He
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Speaker 1: gave her some chocolates to eat in the tube. He
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Speaker 1: entertained her with amazing statistics culled from the weak which
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Speaker 1: he bought on Tuesdays. He was, in short, the perfect lover.
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Speaker 1: On the second day, the red faced man came in again.
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Speaker 1: Arthur joined in the laughter at his stories. Everything seemed ideal.
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Speaker 1: It could not last. Gradually things slipped back into the
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Speaker 1: old routine. Maude, looking up from her work, would see
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Speaker 1: the frown and the bitten lip. She began again to
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Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable and self conscious as she worked. Sometimes their
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Speaker 1: conversation on the way to the tube was almost formal.
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Speaker 1: It was useless to say anything. She had a wholesome
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Speaker 1: horror of being one of those women who nagged, and
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Speaker 1: she felt that to complain again would amount to nagging.
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Speaker 1: She tried to put the thing out of her mind,
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Speaker 1: but it insisted on staying there. In a way, she
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Speaker 1: understood his feelings. He loved her so much. She supposed
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Speaker 1: that he hated the idea of her exchanging a single
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Speaker 1: word with another man. This in the abstract was gratifying,
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Speaker 1: but in practice it distressed her. She wished she were
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Speaker 1: some sort of foreigners so that nobody could talk to her.
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Speaker 1: But then they would look out her, and that probably
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Speaker 1: would produce much the same results. It was a hard
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Speaker 1: world for a girl. Then the strange thing happened. Arthur reformed.
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Speaker 1: One might almost say he reformed with a jerk. It
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Speaker 1: was a parallel case to those sudden conversions at Welsh
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Speaker 1: Revival meetings. On Monday evening he had been at his worst.
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Speaker 1: On the following morning, he was a changed man. Not
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Speaker 1: even after the original thunderstorm had he been more docile.
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Speaker 1: Maude could not believe that. At first, the lip, once
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Speaker 1: bitten with stretched in a smile. She looked for the frown.
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Speaker 1: It was not there. Next day, it was the same,
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Speaker 1: and the day after that. When a week had gone
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Speaker 1: by and still the improvement was maintained, Maude felt that
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Speaker 1: she might now look upon it as permanent. A great
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Speaker 1: load seemed to have been taken off her mind. She
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Speaker 1: revised her views on the world. It was a very
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Speaker 1: good world, quite one of the best, with Arthur beaming
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Speaker 1: upon it like a sun. A number of eminent poets
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Speaker 1: and saists, in the course of the last few centuries
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Speaker 1: have recorded in their several ways their opinion that one
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Speaker 1: can have too much of a good thing. The truth
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Speaker 1: applies even to such a good thing as absence of jealousy.
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Speaker 1: Little by little, Maud began to grow uneasy. It began
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Speaker 1: to come home to her that she preferred the old Arthur,
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Speaker 1: of the scowl and the gnawed lip of him. She
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Speaker 1: had at least been sure, whatever discomfort she may have
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Speaker 1: suffered from his spirited imitations of othello, at any rate,
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Speaker 1: they had proved that he loved her, she would have
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Speaker 1: accepted gladly an equal amount of discomfort. Now in exchange
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Speaker 1: for the same certainty. She could not read this new Arthur.
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Speaker 1: His thoughts were a closed book. Superficially, he was all
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Speaker 1: that she could have wished. He still continued to escort
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Speaker 1: her to the tube to buy her occasional present to
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Speaker 1: tap when conversing the pleasantly sentimental Vein. But now these
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Speaker 1: things were not enough. Her heart was troubled, her thoughts
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Speaker 1: frightened her. The little black imp at the back of
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Speaker 1: her mind kept whispering and whispering, till at last she
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Speaker 1: was forced to listen. He's tired of you. He doesn't
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Speaker 1: love you any more. He's tired of you. It is
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Speaker 1: not everybody who, in times of mental stress, can find
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Speaker 1: ready to hand, among his or her personal acquaintances an
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Speaker 1: expert counselor, prepared at a moment's notice to listen with
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Speaker 1: sympathy and advise with tact and skill. Everyone's world is
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Speaker 1: full of friends, relatives, and others who will give advice
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Speaker 1: on any subject that may be presented to them. But
10:30
Speaker 1: there are crises in life which cannot be left to
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Speaker 1: the amateur. It is the aim of a certain widely
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Speaker 1: read class of paper to fill this void. Of this class,
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Speaker 1: Fireside Chat is one of the best known representatives in
10:46
Speaker 1: exchange for one penny, it's five hundred thousand readers received
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Speaker 1: every week, a serial story about life in highest Circles,
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Speaker 1: a short story packed with heart interest. Articles on the
10:57
Speaker 1: removal of stains and the best method of coping with
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Speaker 1: the cold Mutton, anecdotes of royalty photographs, appearances in some dress,
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Speaker 1: chats about baby, brief but pointed dialogues between Blogson and Snogson, poems,
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Speaker 1: great Thoughts from the Dead, and Brainy half Hours in
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Speaker 1: the Editor's Cozy Sanctum, a slab of brown paper, and
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Speaker 1: the journal's leading feature advice on matters of the heart.
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Speaker 1: The weekly contribution of the advice specialist of fireside Chat,
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Speaker 1: entitled in the Consulting Room by Doctor Cupid, was made
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Speaker 1: up mainly of answers to correspondence. He affected the bedside
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Speaker 1: manner of the kind breezy old physician, and probably gave
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Speaker 1: a good deal of comfort. At any rate, he always
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Speaker 1: seemed to have plenty of cases on his hands. It
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Speaker 1: was to this expert that Maud took her trouble. She
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Speaker 1: had been a regular reader of the paper for several years,
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Speaker 1: and had indeed consulted the great Man once before, when
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Speaker 1: he had replied favorably to her query as to whither
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Speaker 1: it would be right for her to accept caramels from Arthur,
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Speaker 1: then almost a stranger, it was only natural that she
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Speaker 1: should go to him now in an even greater dilemma.
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Speaker 1: The letter was not easy to write, but she finished
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Speaker 1: it at last, and after an anxious interval, judgment was
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Speaker 1: delivered as follows. Well, well, well, bless my soul? What
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Speaker 1: is all this? M? B? Writes me? I am a
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Speaker 1: young lady. Until recently was very very happy, except that
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Speaker 1: my fiancee, though truly loving me, was of a very
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Speaker 1: jealous disposition. Though I am sure I gave him no cause,
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Speaker 1: he would scowl when I spoke to any other man,
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Speaker 1: and this used to make me unhappy. But for some
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Speaker 1: time now he is quite changed and does not seem
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Speaker 1: to mind at all. And though at first this made
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Speaker 1: me feel happy to think that he had got over
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Speaker 1: his jealousy, I now feel unhappy because I am beigning
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Speaker 1: to be afraid that he no longer cares for me.
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Speaker 1: Do you think this is so? And what ought I
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Speaker 1: to do? My dear young lady? I should like to
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Speaker 1: be able to reassure you, but it is kindest sometimes,
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Speaker 1: you know, to be candid, however it may hurt. It
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Speaker 1: has been my experience that when jealousy flies out of
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Speaker 1: the window, indifference comes in at the door. In the
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Speaker 1: old days, a knight would joust for the love of
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Speaker 1: a lady, risking physical injury, rather than permit others to
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Speaker 1: rival him in her affections. I think, m P, that
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Speaker 1: you should endeavor to discover the true state of your
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Speaker 1: fiance's feelings. I do not, of course, advocate anything in
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Speaker 1: the shape of unwomanly behavior, of which I am sure,
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Speaker 1: my dear young lady, you are incapable. But I think
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Speaker 1: that you should certainly try to pique your fiancee to
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Speaker 1: test him. At your next ball. For instance, refuse him
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Speaker 1: a certain number of dances on the plea that your
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Speaker 1: program is fool at garden parties, at homes and so on.
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Speaker 1: Exhibit pleasure in the society and conversation of other gentlemen,
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Speaker 1: and mark is demeanor as you do. So these little
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Speaker 1: tests should serve either to relieve your apprehensions, provided they
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Speaker 1: are groundless, or to show you the truth. And after all,
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Speaker 1: if it is truth, it must be faced, must it
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Speaker 1: not MP. Before the end of the day, Maude knew
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Speaker 1: the whole passage by heart. The more her mind had
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Speaker 1: dwelt on it, the more clearly did it seem to
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Speaker 1: express what she had felt, but could not put him
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Speaker 1: to words. The point about jousting struck her as particularly
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Speaker 1: well taken. She had looked up joust in the dictionary,
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Speaker 1: and it seemed to her that in those few words
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Speaker 1: was contained the kernel of her trouble in the old days,
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Speaker 1: if any man had attempted to rival him in her
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Speaker 1: affections outside business hours, Arthur would undoubtedly have jousted, and
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Speaker 1: jousted with the vigor of one who means to make
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Speaker 1: his presence felt. Now, in similar circumstances, he would probably
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Speaker 1: step aside politely as one who should say, after you,
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Speaker 1: my dear al fall. There was no time to lose.
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Speaker 1: An hour after her first perusal of Doctor Cupid's advice,
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Speaker 1: Maude had begun to act upon it. By the time
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Speaker 1: the first lull in the morning's work had come, there
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Speaker 1: was a chance for private conversation, and she had invented
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Speaker 1: an imaginary young man, a shadowy lothario, who, being introduced
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Speaker 1: into her home on the previous Sunday by her brother Horace,
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Speaker 1: had carried on in a way you wouldn't believe, paying
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Speaker 1: all manner of compliments, he said, I had such white hands,
15:09
Speaker 1: said Maude. Arthur nodded, stropping a razor. The while he
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Speaker 1: appeared to be bearing the revelations with complete fortitude. Yet
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Speaker 1: only a few weeks before, a customer's comment on this
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Speaker 1: same whiteness had stirred him to his depths. And this morning,
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Speaker 1: what do you think why he meets me as bold
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Speaker 1: as you please and gives me a cake of toilet
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Speaker 1: soap like his impudence, she paused, hopefully, always useful soap,
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Speaker 1: said Arthur, politely sententious, how lovely it was, went on
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Speaker 1: more duly, conscious of failure, but stippling in like an artist,
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Speaker 1: the little touches which give atmosphere and versimilitude to a
15:46
Speaker 1: story all scented hours. Will tease me about it, I
15:51
Speaker 1: can tell you, she paused, surely he must. Why a
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Speaker 1: sea anemone would be torn with jealousy at such a tale.
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Speaker 1: Arthur did not even WinCE. He was charming about it,
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Speaker 1: thought it very kind. The young fellow didn't blame him
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Speaker 1: for being struck by the whiteness of her hands. Touched
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Speaker 1: on the history of soap, which he had happened to
16:12
Speaker 1: have been reading up in the encyclopedia at the free library,
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Speaker 1: and behaved altogether in such a thoroughly gentlemanly fashion that
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Speaker 1: Maude stayed awake half the night crying. If Maude had
16:23
Speaker 1: waited another twenty four hours, there would have been no
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Speaker 1: need for her to have taxed her power of invention.
16:29
Speaker 1: From the following day there entered the shop and her
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Speaker 1: life a young man who was not imaginary, a lothario
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Speaker 1: of flesh and blood. He made his entry with that arrow,
16:39
Speaker 1: having bought most of the neighboring property, which belongs exclusively
16:43
Speaker 1: to minor actors, men of weight on the Stock Exchange,
16:47
Speaker 1: and American professional pugilists. Mister Skipper Shoote belonged to the
16:53
Speaker 1: last name to the three classes. He had arrived in
16:56
Speaker 1: England two months previously for the purpose of holding a
16:59
Speaker 1: conference at eight Stone, for with one Choseph Edwards to
17:03
Speaker 1: settle a question of superiority at that weight, which had
17:06
Speaker 1: been vexing the sporting public of two countries for over
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Speaker 1: a year. Having successfully out argued mister Edwards, mainly by
17:15
Speaker 1: means of strenuous work in the clinches, he was now
17:17
Speaker 1: on the eve of starting on a lucrative music hall
17:20
Speaker 1: tour with his celebrated inaudible monologue. As a result of
17:25
Speaker 1: these things. He was feeling very, very pleased with the
17:27
Speaker 1: world in general, and with mister Skipper's shoot in particular.
17:31
Speaker 1: And when mister Shute was pleased with himself, his manner
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Speaker 1: was apt to be of the breeziest. He breezed into
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Speaker 1: the shop, took a seat, and, having cast an experienced
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Speaker 1: eye at Maud and found her pleasing, extended both hands
17:44
Speaker 1: and observed goll a limit kid. At any other time
17:49
Speaker 1: Maud might have presented being addressed as kid by a customer,
17:52
Speaker 1: but now she welcomed it. With the exception of a
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Speaker 1: slight thickening of the lobe of one ear. Mister Shute
17:58
Speaker 1: bore no outward sign to his profession, and, being, to
18:02
Speaker 1: use his own phrase, a swell dresser, he was really
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Speaker 1: a most presentable young man, just in fact what Maud needed.
18:10
Speaker 1: She saw in him her last hope. If any faint
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Speaker 1: spark of his ancient fire still lingered in Arthur, it
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Speaker 1: was through mister Shute that it must be fanned. She smiled.
18:20
Speaker 1: Upon mister Shute. She worked on his robust fingers as
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Speaker 1: if it were an artistic treat to be permitted to
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Speaker 1: handle them. So carefully did she toil that she was
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Speaker 1: still busy when Arthur, taking off his apron and putting
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Speaker 1: on his hat, went out for his twenty minutes lunch,
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Speaker 1: leaving them alone together. The door had scarcely shut when
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Speaker 1: mister Shute bent forward say he sank, his voice to
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Speaker 1: a winning whisper. You look good to me, he said
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Speaker 1: gallantly the idea, said Maud, tossing her head on the
18:50
Speaker 1: level mister Shutter shorting, Maude laid down her orange sticks.
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Speaker 1: Don't be silly, she said that There I finished. I've not,
18:58
Speaker 1: said mister Shute, not by a mile. Say well, what
19:03
Speaker 1: do you do with your evenings? I go home? Sure,
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Speaker 1: but when you don't, it's a poor heart that never rejoices.
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Speaker 1: Don't you ever? Whoop it up? Whoop it up? The
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Speaker 1: mad whirl, exclaimed mister Shute. Ice cream, soda and buckwheat
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Speaker 1: cakes in a happy evening at Lovely Luna Park. I
19:24
Speaker 1: don't know where Luna Park is. What did they teach
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Speaker 1: you at school? It's out in that direction, said mister Chute,
19:33
Speaker 1: pointing over his shoulder. You go straight on about three
19:35
Speaker 1: thousand miles till you went Little Old New York. Then
19:38
Speaker 1: you turn to the right. Stay, don't you ever get
19:40
Speaker 1: a little treat, Why not come along to the White
19:43
Speaker 1: City some old evening. This evening, mister Welsh is taking
19:47
Speaker 1: me to the White City to night. And who is
19:50
Speaker 1: mister Welsh, the gentleman who has just gone out? Is
19:54
Speaker 1: that so when he doesn't look a live one? But
19:56
Speaker 1: maybe it's just because he's had bad news to day?
19:59
Speaker 1: You never can well? He rose, farewell, Evelina, fairest of
20:04
Speaker 1: your sex, we shall meet again, so keep a stout heart,
20:08
Speaker 1: and taking up his cane, straw hat and yellow gloves,
20:10
Speaker 1: mister Shute departed, leaving Maud to her thoughts. She was disappointed.
20:16
Speaker 1: She had expected better results. Mister Shute had lowered with
20:19
Speaker 1: ease the record for gay battendish hitherto held by the
20:22
Speaker 1: red faced customer. Yet to all appearances, there had been
20:25
Speaker 1: no change in Arthur's manner. But perhaps he had scowled
20:29
Speaker 1: or bitten his lip and she had not noticed it.
20:32
Speaker 1: Apparently he had struck mister Shute, an unbiased spectator, as gloomy,
20:37
Speaker 1: perhaps at some point when her eyes had been on
20:39
Speaker 1: her work. She hoped for the best, whatever his feelings
20:43
Speaker 1: may have been. During the afternoon, Arthur was undeniably cheerful
20:46
Speaker 1: that evening. He was in excellent spirits. His light heart
20:49
Speaker 1: had abandoned on the wiggle woggle, had been noted and
20:52
Speaker 1: commented upon by several lookers. On confronted with the hairy anus,
20:57
Speaker 1: he had touched a high level of facetiousness. And now
21:00
Speaker 1: as he sat with her, listening to the band, he
21:03
Speaker 1: was crooning joyously to himself in accompaniment to the music.
21:06
Speaker 1: Without it would appear a care in the world. Maude
21:10
Speaker 1: was hurt and anxious. In a mere acquaintance, this blithe
21:13
Speaker 1: attitude would have been welcome. It would have helped her
21:16
Speaker 1: to enjoy her evening. But from Arthur, at that particular moment,
21:20
Speaker 1: she looked for something else. Why was he cheerful? Only
21:23
Speaker 1: a few hours ago she had been yes, flirting with
21:26
Speaker 1: another man before his very eyes. What right had he
21:29
Speaker 1: to be cheerful? You ought to be heated, full of
21:32
Speaker 1: passionate demands for an explanation, a flushed, throaty thing to
21:36
Speaker 1: be coaxed back into a good temper, and then forgiven
21:39
Speaker 1: all this at great length, for having been in a
21:41
Speaker 1: bad one. Yes, she told herself, she had wanted certainty,
21:46
Speaker 1: one way or another, and here it was now she
21:49
Speaker 1: knew he no longer cared for her. She trembled cold,
21:56
Speaker 1: said Arthur, let's walk. Evening's beginning to draw in now.
22:00
Speaker 1: Lumda diddley. Ah up, that's what I call a good too.
22:03
Speaker 1: Give me something lively and bright, dumpy umpty idly ah
22:07
Speaker 1: dump dump funny thing, said Maude deliberately. What's a funny
22:11
Speaker 1: thing the gentleman in the brown suit whose hands I
22:15
Speaker 1: did this afternoon? He was, agreed Arthur brightly, A very
22:19
Speaker 1: funny thing, Maud frowned. Wit at the expense of Harry
22:23
Speaker 1: Aines was one thing at her own another I was
22:27
Speaker 1: about to say. She went on precisely that it was
22:30
Speaker 1: a funny thing, a coincidence, seeing that I was already engaged,
22:33
Speaker 1: that the gentleman in the brown suitors hands I did
22:35
Speaker 1: this afternoon should have asked me to come here to
22:38
Speaker 1: White City with him to night. For a moment, they
22:41
Speaker 1: walked on in silence. To Maude, it seemed a hopeful silence.
22:45
Speaker 1: Surely it must be the prelude to an outburst, Oh,
22:49
Speaker 1: he said, and stopped. Maude's heart gave a leap. Surely
22:53
Speaker 1: that was the old tone. A couple of paces, and
22:56
Speaker 1: he spoke again. I didn't hear him ask you. His
23:01
Speaker 1: voice was disappointingly level. He asked me after you'd gone
23:05
Speaker 1: out to lunch. Oh, it's a nuisance, said Arthur cheerfully,
23:08
Speaker 1: when things clashed like that. But perhaps he'll ask you again.
23:11
Speaker 1: Nothing to prevent you coming here twice. Well repays a
23:15
Speaker 1: second visit, Di always saying I think you shouldn't, said
23:20
Speaker 1: a voice behind him. It hurts the head, well kid
23:23
Speaker 1: being shown a good time. The possibility of meeting mister
23:27
Speaker 1: Shute had not occurred to Maud. She had assumed that,
23:30
Speaker 1: being aware that she would be there with another, he
23:33
Speaker 1: would have stayed away. It may, however, be remarked that
23:36
Speaker 1: she did not know mister Shute. He was not one
23:39
Speaker 1: of your sensitive plants. He smiled pleasantly upon her, looking
23:43
Speaker 1: very dapper in evening dress and a silk hat, though
23:46
Speaker 1: a size too small for him, shone like a mirror.
23:50
Speaker 1: Maude hardly knew whether she was glad or sorry to
23:52
Speaker 1: see him. It did not seem to matter much now.
23:55
Speaker 1: Either way, nothing seemed to matter much. In fact, Arthur's
23:59
Speaker 1: cheer acceptance of the news she had received invitations from
24:02
Speaker 1: others had been like a blow leaving her numb and listless.
24:07
Speaker 1: She made the introductions. The two men eyed each other.
24:11
Speaker 1: Please to meet you, said mister Shute. Weather keeps up,
24:14
Speaker 1: said Arthur, And from that point onward mister Shute took command.
24:19
Speaker 1: It is to be assumed that this was not the
24:21
Speaker 1: first time mister Shute had made one of a trio
24:23
Speaker 1: in these circumstances, for the swift dexterity with which he
24:27
Speaker 1: lost Arthur was certainly not that of a novice. So
24:30
Speaker 1: smoothly was it done that it was not until she
24:33
Speaker 1: emerged from the witching waves, guided by the pugilist's slim
24:37
Speaker 1: but formidable right arm, that Maude realized that Arthur had gone.
24:42
Speaker 1: She gave a little cry of dismay. Secretly, she was
24:45
Speaker 1: beginning to be somewhat afraid of mister Shute. He was
24:48
Speaker 1: showing signs of being about to step out of the
24:50
Speaker 1: row she had assigned to him and attempt something on
24:53
Speaker 1: a larger scale. His manner had that extra touch of
24:56
Speaker 1: warmth which makes all the difference. Oh, he he's gone,
25:00
Speaker 1: she cried, Sure, said mister Shute. He's got a hurry
25:04
Speaker 1: up call from the Eugee village. The chief's cousin wants
25:07
Speaker 1: a hair cut. We must find him. We must surest thing,
25:12
Speaker 1: you know, said mister Shute. Plenty of time, we must
25:15
Speaker 1: find him. Mister Shute regarded her with some displeasure. Seems
25:20
Speaker 1: to be ace high with you, that dub, he said,
25:22
Speaker 1: I don't understand you. My observation was explained mister Shute
25:26
Speaker 1: coldly that, judging from appearances, that dough faced lemon was
25:29
Speaker 1: a Willie boy the first and only love. Maud turned
25:33
Speaker 1: on him with flaming cheeks. Mister Welsh's nothing to me, nothing, nothing,
25:38
Speaker 1: she cried. She walked quickly on. Well, then if there's
25:42
Speaker 1: a vacancy, star eyes, said the pugilist at her side,
25:45
Speaker 1: holding on a hat which showed a tendency to wobble,
25:48
Speaker 1: count me in directly, I saw you see here. What's
25:52
Speaker 1: the idea of this road work? We aren't racing? Maud
25:56
Speaker 1: slowed down. That's better. As I was saying directly, I
25:59
Speaker 1: saw you. I said to myself, that's the one you need.
26:02
Speaker 1: The original candy kid that his hat lurched drunkenly. As
26:06
Speaker 1: he answered the girl's increase of speed. He cursed it
26:09
Speaker 1: in a brief aside, that's what I said, the original
26:13
Speaker 1: candy kid. So he shot out a restraining hand. Arthur cried, Maud, Arthur,
26:21
Speaker 1: that's not my name, breathed mister Shute, tenderly call me Clarence.
26:25
Speaker 1: Considered as an embrace, it was imperfect. At these moments.
26:29
Speaker 1: A silk hat assized too small handicaps her man. The
26:32
Speaker 1: necessity of having to be careful about the nap prevented
26:35
Speaker 1: mister Shute from doing himself complete justice, but he did
26:39
Speaker 1: enough to induce Arthur Welsh, who, having sighted the missing
26:42
Speaker 1: ones from Afar, had been approaching them at a walking
26:45
Speaker 1: pace to substitute a run for the walk, and arrived
26:48
Speaker 1: just as Maud wrenched herself freight. Mister Shute took off
26:52
Speaker 1: his hat, smoothed it, replaced it with extreme care, and
26:56
Speaker 1: turned his attention to the newcomer. Arthur said, Maud, her
27:00
Speaker 1: heart gave a great leap. There was no mistaking the
27:02
Speaker 1: meaning in the eye that met hers. He cared, He cared, Arthur.
27:08
Speaker 1: He took no notice. His face was pale and working.
27:11
Speaker 1: He strode up to mister Shute. Well, he said between
27:15
Speaker 1: his teeth at eight stone four Champion of the World
27:19
Speaker 1: has many unusual experiences in the life, but he rarely
27:22
Speaker 1: encounters men who say well to him between their teeth.
27:26
Speaker 1: Mister Shute eyed this freak with profound wonder. I'll teach
27:31
Speaker 1: you to kiss young ladies. Mister Shute removed his hat
27:35
Speaker 1: again and gave it another brush. This gave him the
27:38
Speaker 1: necessary time for reflection. I don't need it, he said,
27:42
Speaker 1: I've graduated. Put them up. His hissed Arthur. Almost a
27:47
Speaker 1: shocked look spread itself over the pugilist's face. Some might
27:51
Speaker 1: Raphael have looked, if requested to draw a pavement picture.
27:55
Speaker 1: You aren't speaking to me, he said, incredulously. Put them up. Maude,
28:00
Speaker 1: trembling from head to foot, was conscious of one overwhelming emotion.
28:04
Speaker 1: She was terrified. Yet, but stronger than the terror was
28:08
Speaker 1: the great wave of elation which swept over her. All
28:11
Speaker 1: her doubts had vanished. At last, after weary weeks of uncertainty,
28:15
Speaker 1: Arthur was about to give the supreme proof he was
28:18
Speaker 1: going to joust for her. A couple of passers by
28:22
Speaker 1: had paused, interested to watch developments. You could never tell,
28:25
Speaker 1: of course, many an apparently promising rou never got any
28:28
Speaker 1: farther than words, But glancing at Arthur's face, they certainly
28:31
Speaker 1: felt justified, and pausing, mister Shute spoke if it wasn't,
28:37
Speaker 1: He said carefully that I don't want trouble with the
28:40
Speaker 1: Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to animals. I he
28:44
Speaker 1: broke off for to the accompaniment of a shout of
28:46
Speaker 1: approval from the two spectators. Arthur had swung his right fist,
28:51
Speaker 1: and it had taken him smartly on the side of
28:53
Speaker 1: the head compared with the blows mister Shute was wont
28:56
Speaker 1: to receive in the exercise of his profession. Arthur was
29:00
Speaker 1: a gentle tap, but there was one circumstance which gave
29:03
Speaker 1: it a deadliness all its own. Achilles had his heel,
29:08
Speaker 1: mister Shute's vulnerable point was at the other extremity. Instead
29:12
Speaker 1: of countering, he uttered a cry of agony and clutched
29:14
Speaker 1: wildly with both hands at his hat. He was too late.
29:19
Speaker 1: It fell to the ground and bounded away with its
29:22
Speaker 1: proprietor and passionate chase. Arthur snorted and gently chafed his knuckles.
29:28
Speaker 1: There was a calm about mister Shute's demeanor. As having
29:31
Speaker 1: given his treasure a final polish and laid it carefully down,
29:35
Speaker 1: he began to advance on his adversary, which was more
29:37
Speaker 1: than ominous. His lips were a thin line of steel.
29:41
Speaker 1: The muscles stood out over his jawbones. Crouching in his
29:45
Speaker 1: professional manner, he moved forward softly like a cat. And
29:49
Speaker 1: it was at this precise moment, just as the two
29:52
Speaker 1: spectators reinforced now by eleven other men of sporting tastes,
29:56
Speaker 1: were congratulating themselves on their acumen, and having stopped to
29:59
Speaker 1: watch that police Constable Robert Bryce, intruding fourteen stones of
30:04
Speaker 1: bone and muscle between the combatants, addressed to mister Shute
30:07
Speaker 1: these memorable words hello, hello, Hello, hello hello. Mister Shute
30:14
Speaker 1: appealed to his sense of justice. The mutt knock my
30:18
Speaker 1: hat off? Ill I do it again, said Arthur truculently.
30:23
Speaker 1: Not while I'm here. You wouldn't, young fellow, said mister
30:25
Speaker 1: Bryce with decision. I'm surprised at you, he went on,
30:28
Speaker 1: pain And you look a respectable young chap too. You
30:32
Speaker 1: pop off, A shrill voice from the crowd at this
30:35
Speaker 1: point offered the Constable all cinematograph rights if he would
30:39
Speaker 1: allow the contest to proceed. And you pop off too,
30:43
Speaker 1: all of you, continued mister Bryce. Best if I know
30:46
Speaker 1: what kids are comin to nowadays. And as for you,
30:49
Speaker 1: he said, addressing mister shute, all you got to do
30:52
Speaker 1: is keep that face of yours clothes. That's what you've
30:54
Speaker 1: got to do. I got my eye on your mind.
30:56
Speaker 1: An if I catch you a followerin of him, he
30:59
Speaker 1: jerked his thumb over shoulder at Arthur's departing figure. I'll
31:02
Speaker 1: pinch you, sure as you're alive, he paused. I had
31:06
Speaker 1: done it already, he added, pensively, if it wasn't my birthday,
31:10
Speaker 1: Arthur Welsh turned sharply. For some time, he had been
31:14
Speaker 1: dimly aware that somebody was calling his name. Oh, Arthur.
31:18
Speaker 1: She was breathing quickly. He could see the tears in
31:20
Speaker 1: her eyes. I've been running, he walked so fast. He
31:25
Speaker 1: stared down at her, gloomily. Go away, he said, I've
31:29
Speaker 1: done with him. She clutched at his coat. Arthur, listen, listen.
31:33
Speaker 1: It's it's all a mistake. I thought. I thought you
31:35
Speaker 1: didn't care for me any more. I was miserable, and
31:37
Speaker 1: I I wrote to the paper and asked what should
31:39
Speaker 1: I do? When they said I ought to test you
31:41
Speaker 1: and try and make you jealous, and that that would
31:44
Speaker 1: relieve my apprehensions. And I hated it, but I did it,
31:46
Speaker 1: and you didn't seem to care till now. And you
31:49
Speaker 1: know that there's nobody but you. You the paper what
31:54
Speaker 1: he stammered, Yes, yes, yes, I wrote to Fireside Chatton
31:58
Speaker 1: and doctor Cupid, so that when jealousy flew out the window,
32:02
Speaker 1: indifference came in at the door. That I must exhibit
32:04
Speaker 1: pleasure in the society of other gentlemen, and mark your
32:07
Speaker 1: demeanor oswell. Arthur, luckier than mister Shute, was not hampered
32:12
Speaker 1: by a too small silk hat. It was a few
32:16
Speaker 1: moments later, as they moved slowly towards the flip flap,
32:19
Speaker 1: which had seemed to both of them were fitting climax
32:21
Speaker 1: for the evening's emotions, that Arthur, fumbling in her waistcoat pocket,
32:25
Speaker 1: produced a small slip of paper. What's that, Maud asked,
32:29
Speaker 1: Read it, said Arthur, And it's from home moments an
32:32
Speaker 1: answer to a letter I sent them, and he added
32:35
Speaker 1: with he I'd like to have five minutes alone with
32:37
Speaker 1: the chapel wrote it, and under the electric light, Maude
32:41
Speaker 1: read answers to correspondence by the heart specialist Arthur w
32:47
Speaker 1: Jealousy Arthur is not only the most wicked, but the
32:52
Speaker 1: most foolish of passions. Shakespeare said, it is the green
32:56
Speaker 1: eyed monster which doth mark the meat it feeds on.
33:00
Speaker 1: You admit that you have frequently caused great distress to
33:02
Speaker 1: the young lady of your affections by your exhibition of
33:05
Speaker 1: this weakness. Exactly. There is nothing a girl dislikes or
33:09
Speaker 1: despises more than jealousy. Be a man, Arthur, w fight
33:13
Speaker 1: against it. You may find it hard at first, but persevere.
33:18
Speaker 1: Keep a smiling face. If she seems to enjoy talking
33:21
Speaker 1: to other men, show no resentment, be merry and bright.
33:24
Speaker 1: Believe me, it's the only way. End of Chapter four,
33:30
Speaker 1: story number four, when doctors disagree, According by Mike Harress,