Latest / Glovisor Podcast / The Stories You Tell Yourself Are Keeping You Stuck | Marc Hildebrand [Ep 71]

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The Stories You Tell Yourself Are Keeping You Stuck | Marc Hildebrand [Ep 71] · Glovisor Podcast

0:00
Speaker 1: Nobody ever taught me how to really pull intrinsic motivation,
0:03
Speaker 1: not just to motivate people and be their cheerleader, but
0:06
Speaker 1: ask them questions that really pull out, this is what
0:08
Speaker 1: I was meant to do. This is the impact that
0:10
Speaker 1: I'm going to make, and this is why I'm doing this.
0:14
Speaker 1: Welcome to the.
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Speaker 2: Glowvisor Podcast, where we explore business growth, communication, and personal
0:19
Speaker 2: development through real conversations with people that make an impact.
0:22
Speaker 2: Our guest is the founder of Modern Leadership Coaching and
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Speaker 2: Amazon International bestselling author and a 20-year LAPD sergeant. After
0:31
Speaker 2: losing 100 pounds and transforming how he led at work
0:35
Speaker 2: and at home, he created the growth model to help
0:38
Speaker 2: coaches and leaders uncover the beliefs driving behavior and create
0:42
Speaker 2: sustainable change. Glowvisor welcomes Mark Hildebrand.
0:47
Speaker 1: You got it right, Joe. Thank you for having me, bro.
0:49
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me. You're welcome.
0:51
Speaker 2: Looking forward to it.
0:53
Speaker 1: Me too.
0:53
Speaker 2: All right, Mark.
0:53
Speaker 1: So let's begin.
0:54
Speaker 2: What specific problems does your business solve and who do
0:57
Speaker 2: you help?
0:58
Speaker 1: That's such a great question. So I am, well, first off,
1:01
Speaker 1: let me start off with this. Like my most important
1:03
Speaker 1: role in the world is being a father and a husband.
1:06
Speaker 1: That is what is primarily like everything that I build
1:09
Speaker 1: things around has to do with like me showing up
1:11
Speaker 1: for my family. as my best self. You're going to
1:14
Speaker 1: hear that through my story, especially like in times when
1:16
Speaker 1: I didn't necessarily do that. When I think about like
1:19
Speaker 1: what I do, a lot of what I do is
1:20
Speaker 1: what's called self-leadership. Me and my wife, we created a certification.
1:24
Speaker 1: And what we do in that certification is we help leaders, entrepreneurs,
1:27
Speaker 1: and business owners to perform at their highest level, no
1:30
Speaker 1: matter what life is throwing at them. When life is lifing,
1:34
Speaker 1: when whirlwinds of your life is kind of like coming up,
1:36
Speaker 1: how do you still show up as the best version
1:38
Speaker 1: of you without trying to outwork the problem and make
1:41
Speaker 1: like all of this burnout kind of like stuff come
1:43
Speaker 1: up for you? How do you do it in a
1:44
Speaker 1: way that's sustainable, but also allows you to show up
1:47
Speaker 1: as your best self? for your family and for the
1:49
Speaker 1: things that matter most. And so that's what we do
1:51
Speaker 1: is we teach inside of our certification. We teach the
1:54
Speaker 1: growth model, which is what you shared, but it's a
1:56
Speaker 1: lot about being able to go through situations, come out
2:00
Speaker 1: stronger on the other end, and then help other people
2:03
Speaker 1: going through those situations too.
2:04
Speaker 2: Could we go back a little bit though? I want
2:06
Speaker 2: to start at the very beginning. What was that moment
2:09
Speaker 2: that you felt like, wow, this is just too much
2:12
Speaker 2: and I have to make a change today?
2:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, so going back to that family moment. So it
2:17
Speaker 1: seems to really revolve around family for me. So I
2:19
Speaker 1: know you shared a little bit of my intro. Los
2:22
Speaker 1: Angeles Police Department, 20 years. At one point, I was
2:26
Speaker 1: 100 pounds overweight. I was really giving it all to
2:29
Speaker 1: my career. I was the kind of person where if
2:32
Speaker 1: I wanted to achieve something, what that meant to me
2:34
Speaker 1: is I had to work harder. I had to put
2:35
Speaker 1: more time and more energy. And so I was putting
2:38
Speaker 1: all my time and energy into work. And I remember
2:40
Speaker 1: that my son, Andrew, my firstborn, When he was born,
2:44
Speaker 1: that's when I had that pivotal moment. So he was
2:47
Speaker 1: actually born at one pound nine ounces. He was at
2:50
Speaker 1: 28 weeks. He had to spend 73 days in the NICU.
2:54
Speaker 1: He couldn't breathe on his own. And I remember just like,
2:57
Speaker 1: first off, holding him in the palm of my hand
2:59
Speaker 1: and seeing how small he was. And the whole anticipation
3:05
Speaker 1: of having a child and then them saying, hey, you're
3:08
Speaker 1: going to have to go home. He's going to have
3:09
Speaker 1: to stay here and you could come visit him. I
3:12
Speaker 1: don't think like anybody's really ready physically, mentally, or emotionally
3:16
Speaker 1: for that. But I most definitely wasn't. I was giving
3:20
Speaker 1: it all to my career. I was 100 pounds overweight.
3:22
Speaker 1: I was not exercising. I was not eating healthy. I
3:24
Speaker 1: had all of these excuses, right? When you get to
3:27
Speaker 1: argue for your excuses and your limitations, you get to
3:29
Speaker 1: keep them. And I kept them. But see, what I
3:32
Speaker 1: didn't realize is they were impacting me. But when I
3:36
Speaker 1: saw that they actually were starting to impact my son,
3:39
Speaker 1: that's when I quote unquote hit rock bottom is I
3:42
Speaker 1: realized he didn't choose who his father was, but I
3:46
Speaker 1: made the choices on what I ate, whether I worked out,
3:49
Speaker 1: whether I convinced myself I didn't have the time, whether
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Speaker 1: you'll probably hear this in my story, I convinced myself
3:53
Speaker 1: that I was big boned. That's just what my family is.
3:55
Speaker 2: Everybody's heavy and overweight.
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Speaker 1: This is what God gave me. That when I like,
4:00
Speaker 1: I was making those decisions that I actually was not
4:03
Speaker 1: able to show up as my best self when he
4:04
Speaker 1: needed me the most. And that's like really what I
4:07
Speaker 1: consider like my rock bottom. The thing that actually taught
4:10
Speaker 1: me a lot, but at the time it was the
4:11
Speaker 1: most painful experience ever.
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Speaker 2: That definitely can drive you there. And now I'm even
4:15
Speaker 2: more saddened because I can no longer use that excuse
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Speaker 2: that I'm big bone.
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Speaker 1: It's a very easy protection mechanism that our brains use.
4:23
Speaker 1: And by the way, everybody, you'll kind of like hear
4:26
Speaker 1: this from my story. Everybody has their version of the
4:28
Speaker 1: big bone story. It's like the labels that we use
4:31
Speaker 1: on ourselves, the identities that we basically say we're in
4:34
Speaker 1: a box, we're trapped and we can't do anything wrong.
4:37
Speaker 1: outside of it. And it's, it's, by the way, it's
4:39
Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. Our brain does. Our brain loves us.
4:41
Speaker 1: It wants to keep us safe. It wants to protect
4:43
Speaker 1: us in any way that it can trap us into
4:45
Speaker 1: just living our past life over and over and over again.
4:48
Speaker 1: It's like, well, you survived this long, so you should
4:50
Speaker 1: be good. Just staying comfortable here. It's just, it's way
4:53
Speaker 1: of like being able to, to try and love us,
4:56
Speaker 1: trying to get us to stay around here longer. But
4:58
Speaker 1: it was also the box that I needed to break
5:00
Speaker 1: out of. And everybody has their version of this. And
5:03
Speaker 1: being able to see it and spot it and being
5:05
Speaker 1: able to coach and lead yourself through it, that's really
5:08
Speaker 1: what we teach. But you have to be willing to
5:10
Speaker 1: have that conversation and not bring shame or guilt or
5:12
Speaker 1: blame into it, just going, this is the way the
5:14
Speaker 1: brain works. This is how the brain operates. This is
5:16
Speaker 1: why we need coaches like you and me to be
5:18
Speaker 1: able to spot it in us because we can't maybe
5:20
Speaker 1: see it that we're actually selling ourselves on this, right?
5:22
Speaker 1: But it's really understanding that once we become aware of
5:25
Speaker 1: it and we can actually coach and lead ourselves through it,
5:27
Speaker 1: this is actually going to become our superpower and not
5:29
Speaker 1: our kryptonite. Absolutely.
5:31
Speaker 2: Because you need that outside perspective sometimes. You need that
5:33
Speaker 2: third party to look in versus always looking out. And,
5:39
Speaker 2: you know, one of the things is, so now you
5:41
Speaker 2: recognized it. And fortunately for you, you recognized it in
5:44
Speaker 2: yourself and you did something about it. What happened next?
5:48
Speaker 2: When was that moment that you said, I have to
5:51
Speaker 2: bottle it and share it.
5:52
Speaker 1: With the world? Okay, so really great question. So I
5:56
Speaker 1: want to take a step back because one of the
5:58
Speaker 1: things you said is that I saw it in myself.
6:00
Speaker 1: So the only thing that I saw in myself is
6:02
Speaker 1: I felt the pain of not being able to show
6:04
Speaker 1: up for my son the way that I wanted to.
6:07
Speaker 1: But I still couldn't see all of these stories and
6:09
Speaker 1: perspectives that my brain was operating with. Going back to
6:12
Speaker 1: what you said, I needed somebody in my life that
6:15
Speaker 1: I was going to allow to spot those things. And
6:18
Speaker 1: I wasn't going to allow my ego to kind of
6:20
Speaker 1: like say, no, no, no, that's not true. And so
6:23
Speaker 1: for me, it was connecting with a coach. And it
6:25
Speaker 1: was connecting with a coach that like, not only did
6:28
Speaker 1: he care about me, but also like he was unwilling
6:31
Speaker 1: to allow himself to see my excuses and not call
6:35
Speaker 1: them out. Like he believed in me more than he
6:38
Speaker 1: believed in my excuses and my limitations that I was
6:40
Speaker 1: telling him. And I needed him. And he was like, hey,
6:44
Speaker 1: I love you and I appreciate you. But do you
6:46
Speaker 1: notice this? I like to think of us as like
6:50
Speaker 1: a mirrors, Joe, where like somebody sharing things with us
6:53
Speaker 1: and our job is sometimes just to reflect back and go,
6:57
Speaker 1: do you see this? I just want you to see this.
6:58
Speaker 1: And I want you to know that I don't see this.
7:01
Speaker 1: I know there's somebody else inside of there. I know
7:02
Speaker 1: there's a person in there. There's another level. And I
7:06
Speaker 1: just believe in that person so much that I just
7:08
Speaker 1: can't sit back here and just listen to what you're saying.
7:11
Speaker 1: I need to point it out to you. So for me,
7:13
Speaker 1: it was having that person pointed out to me and
7:16
Speaker 1: me being willing to accept it because sometimes people will
7:18
Speaker 1: point out things, but we'll push back against them. We
7:21
Speaker 1: call this being uncoachable. And there's some times in my
7:23
Speaker 1: life that I've been uncoachable. But when you're willing to
7:26
Speaker 1: allow somebody to do that for you, that's when the
7:28
Speaker 1: game changed. So going to your original question is like
7:31
Speaker 1: when I saw that and I saw that he believed
7:34
Speaker 1: in me, I saw that he was willing to spot
7:35
Speaker 1: some of these things. I was like, what did he do?
7:38
Speaker 1: And how can I do this for anybody else that
7:41
Speaker 1: I come across? And that's when this whole idea of
7:44
Speaker 1: coaching got started for me. Now, I didn't, I thought
7:47
Speaker 1: I was going to go down the path of coaching.
7:49
Speaker 1: Maybe we'll talk about this. I actually went down the
7:50
Speaker 1: path of mentoring, but I really didn't understand fully like
7:53
Speaker 1: how he was able to pull that out of me.
7:56
Speaker 1: And so I thought what I was doing was helping
7:58
Speaker 1: other people. But I actually kind of like wasn't necessarily
8:00
Speaker 1: helping them. I was just giving them my path. So
8:02
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if you want to go down there,
8:04
Speaker 1: but that's kind of like what progressed me into. I
8:07
Speaker 1: want to help people, but then I didn't know what
8:09
Speaker 1: I was doing and I was trying to help, but
8:11
Speaker 1: it wasn't really helping.
8:12
Speaker 2: Well, can you get us on the same page? What
8:13
Speaker 2: would be the difference between a mentor and a coach?
8:17
Speaker 1: Yes. So both are amazing and both are equally important,
8:21
Speaker 1: but there's time and spaces for both. So a mentor,
8:24
Speaker 1: what a mentor does is they kind of like share
8:26
Speaker 1: the path that they've traveled. And they give you like
8:29
Speaker 1: directions in terms of like, hey, this is like, for example,
8:32
Speaker 1: like when I lost 100 pounds, everybody wanted a mentor.
8:34
Speaker 1: They're like, what did you do? Nobody asks you, who
8:37
Speaker 1: did you have to become? Or what did you have
8:39
Speaker 1: to do with your identity? Like nobody ever asked that.
8:41
Speaker 1: They're like, what did you have to do? A mentor
8:43
Speaker 1: is like, Here's the steps. Here's the program. Here's the
8:46
Speaker 1: nutrition plan. Like if you want to be able to
8:48
Speaker 1: get yourself to wake up, put the alarm across the
8:50
Speaker 1: room so that way you have to get up out
8:52
Speaker 1: of bed. These are all mentoring things. This is like,
8:54
Speaker 1: let me give you my roadmap, the things that I did,
8:58
Speaker 1: the blueprint. Coaching is more of the identity piece, finding
9:02
Speaker 1: out what's actually going into their brain. What is preventing
9:06
Speaker 1: them from doing these things? We all could do a
9:08
Speaker 1: Google search. We can all pull up ChatGPT. We can
9:10
Speaker 1: figure out how to grow our business, how to actually
9:12
Speaker 1: reach more people, all this kind of stuff, but we
9:13
Speaker 1: don't do it. We're like, we have it at our fingertips.
9:17
Speaker 1: A lot of this, the mentoring is more like, here's
9:19
Speaker 1: the steps to do it, but when we talk about
9:22
Speaker 1: the mindset or the coaching or getting in there and
9:24
Speaker 1: finding what the stories and beliefs are that we have,
9:26
Speaker 1: to really unwind those, that's coaching. It's asking questions. Asking
9:31
Speaker 1: questions to see some of the things that are causing
9:33
Speaker 1: us to be stuck, but also asking questions on the
9:35
Speaker 1: opposite side. You mentioned this earlier. Like sometimes it's hard
9:38
Speaker 1: to see our own stuff, right? Because it's unconscious. It
9:42
Speaker 1: happens automatically. Most people don't even know that this is happening.
9:46
Speaker 1: They're like, I don't know that I have like these
9:48
Speaker 1: stories in my head or perspectives. It's just, this is
9:50
Speaker 1: what I believe. But when you start to see them
9:53
Speaker 1: and we move them from the unconscious to the conscious,
9:56
Speaker 1: now we can start having control over them. And that's
9:58
Speaker 1: what a coach does. Gets to show you the mirror
10:00
Speaker 1: and go, do you want to keep going down this path?
10:02
Speaker 1: You can. I'm going to be here no matter what.
10:04
Speaker 1: But there's another path over here. And when we start
10:07
Speaker 1: going down that path and they love it, they typically
10:09
Speaker 1: want to keep going down that. At least that's what
10:11
Speaker 1: I've found for me.
10:12
Speaker 2: I like that. Now, can you share with me when
10:14
Speaker 2: you first started to go into the direction of coaching?
10:18
Speaker 2: How did that happen? How did that work out for you?
10:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, so at the time I was mentoring, I was
10:24
Speaker 1: telling people which workout I was doing, all that kind
10:25
Speaker 1: of stuff. They were coming to me, oh, this is amazing.
10:28
Speaker 1: About five to 10% of them would actually do it.
10:30
Speaker 1: 90% of them wouldn't. And because of the way that
10:35
Speaker 1: my brain was wired, first I blamed them. They need
10:38
Speaker 1: more discipline. They're not following through with what they said.
10:41
Speaker 1: But then second, I started to blame myself. I'm like,
10:44
Speaker 1: I must not be a good leader. I must not
10:45
Speaker 1: be motivating them enough. And when I realized it was
10:48
Speaker 1: actually an option three, and that was, I didn't even
10:50
Speaker 1: know how to coach. I didn't really know how to
10:52
Speaker 1: get to the root of what was actually holding them back.
10:55
Speaker 1: Nobody had ever stopped and slowed me down and go,
10:57
Speaker 1: you know what? Like the stories that they tell themselves
10:59
Speaker 1: is what's preventing them from not doing it. What if
11:02
Speaker 1: you just got really good at that? It was actually
11:04
Speaker 1: at that point that I ended up getting certified. There
11:08
Speaker 1: was like two or three different times where I saw
11:09
Speaker 1: this coaching certification and And I was like, I got
11:12
Speaker 1: this already. I'm already doing it. I'm already helping people.
11:14
Speaker 1: Some people are getting results, but the other ones who aren't, like,
11:16
Speaker 1: it's just not a good fit for them. But I
11:20
Speaker 1: started to listen to that podcast. And then I actually
11:23
Speaker 1: became a student. And when I got inside, I'm like,
11:24
Speaker 1: this was the missing piece. Nobody ever taught me how
11:28
Speaker 1: the brain works. Nobody ever taught me how to really
11:31
Speaker 1: pull intrinsic motivation, not just to motivate people and be
11:34
Speaker 1: their cheerleader, but ask them questions that really pull out like,
11:37
Speaker 1: I call it their heart voice, like the voice that
11:39
Speaker 1: God put in their body of like, this is what
11:42
Speaker 1: I was meant to do. This is the impact that
11:44
Speaker 1: I'm going to make. And this is why I'm doing this, right?
11:47
Speaker 1: And so when I started to understand how this worked,
11:48
Speaker 1: I started to incorporate that into my coaching and many
11:51
Speaker 1: more people started losing weight, feeling amazing. And I'm like,
11:55
Speaker 1: this is amazing. But see, here's the thing for me,
11:58
Speaker 1: like when I start to do something really, really well,
12:01
Speaker 1: I start to ask myself, if I'm doing exceptional with
12:04
Speaker 1: health and fitness, how can I get better as a
12:05
Speaker 1: father or husband? How can I get better in my career?
12:08
Speaker 1: How can I get better in helping other people? And
12:11
Speaker 1: so I started to systematically go through my life and say, okay,
12:14
Speaker 1: I've used coaching and mentoring to lose a hundred pounds.
12:17
Speaker 1: What can I do to become a better husband? And
12:19
Speaker 1: it started to work. What can I do to become
12:21
Speaker 1: a better father? And it really worked because I was
12:23
Speaker 1: like the type, I would look like everything was taken
12:28
Speaker 1: care of at work. I was showing up in crazy situations, cool, calm,
12:31
Speaker 1: and collected. And then I'd get home and my kids
12:33
Speaker 1: would tell me what to do and I'd lose my stuff.
12:35
Speaker 1: And I'm like, why in the world is this? Because
12:38
Speaker 1: of what was going on in here, my pre-programming. But
12:40
Speaker 1: when I learned how to coach, I actually got better
12:42
Speaker 1: at that. Then I rose up the ranks of LAPD
12:44
Speaker 1: and then I wanted to start a business. So that's
12:46
Speaker 1: kind of like what I did is I'm like, this
12:48
Speaker 1: is literally the universal language. And I couldn't just keep
12:51
Speaker 1: it to health and fitness. I was like, I love
12:54
Speaker 1: health and fitness, but I want to help many more
12:56
Speaker 1: people with this. And so I'd have people with relationships
12:58
Speaker 1: and business and career. And then people started to come
13:02
Speaker 1: to me and go, you're doing this in all of
13:04
Speaker 1: these other areas. You're coaching in all of these different areas.
13:06
Speaker 1: How do you do that? And I'm like, okay, now
13:09
Speaker 1: it's the next level. Now it's teaching people how to
13:12
Speaker 1: do this for others. And what I find, Joe, is like,
13:15
Speaker 1: when I think about the ripple effect that I can have, like,
13:16
Speaker 1: let's say I'm coaching one person. It's amazing. The ripple
13:19
Speaker 1: effect I can have on them. their family, the energy, right?
13:23
Speaker 1: But what happens when I teach somebody this and then
13:25
Speaker 1: they go out and they coach other people and they
13:28
Speaker 1: use the coaching? It's like this exponential thing. It's just
13:30
Speaker 1: the difference between learning how to fish versus just being
13:34
Speaker 1: given a fish. When you learn how to fish, you
13:36
Speaker 1: never have to worry about it ever again. You just
13:38
Speaker 1: automatically know. And so that's what got me most excited
13:41
Speaker 1: about doing this. So being able to teach this is
13:44
Speaker 1: really where I landed.
13:45
Speaker 2: I really like what you said because it really, and
13:48
Speaker 2: I totally agree, which is either positive or negative. It
13:51
Speaker 2: permeates every aspect of your life.
13:53
Speaker 1: Yes. All throughout.
13:55
Speaker 2: So once you start to select the positiveness and you
13:59
Speaker 2: choose yes and choose more and choose more opportunities, all
14:02
Speaker 2: of a sudden you start to see every other aspect
14:04
Speaker 2: of your life improve as well.
14:05
Speaker 1: 100%. Yeah.
14:07
Speaker 2: And you took that right to your family. You took
14:09
Speaker 2: that back to work and then you created a business. Fantastic.
14:13
Speaker 2: But before we move on to the rest of the
14:15
Speaker 2: evolution of your business, which I'm dying to talk about
14:18
Speaker 2: the course, can you share possibly a client success story
14:23
Speaker 2: of someone that you worked with when you were coaching?
14:26
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely. So I'm actually going to give you a
14:30
Speaker 1: conversation that I had maybe even last week. We have
14:33
Speaker 1: somebody who is growing their coaching business. And I still
14:36
Speaker 1: do one-on-one coaching from time to time. And I was
14:38
Speaker 1: coaching her. And she came back. she had been doing
14:42
Speaker 1: really successful in her business, but she kind of like
14:44
Speaker 1: had hit a plateau. And I'm having a conversation with
14:47
Speaker 1: her and she actually had hired a different coach. That
14:50
Speaker 1: coach was more of like a mentor though. And through
14:53
Speaker 1: this conversation, what I kind of hear is the mentor
14:56
Speaker 1: kind of steered her down a path thinking that this
14:59
Speaker 1: is the path you have to go because this is
15:00
Speaker 1: just the path that coaches normally have to go. And
15:04
Speaker 1: so when I'm having this conversation, I can feel it.
15:07
Speaker 1: I can feel it in her like body language. I
15:09
Speaker 1: can feel like her lack of energy towards doing this.
15:12
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, I'm doing this stuff on social media.
15:15
Speaker 1: It's not really exciting. I'm doing workshops and all this
15:18
Speaker 1: kind of, and I can feel the energy. The truth is,
15:21
Speaker 1: is like when we grow a business and you know
15:23
Speaker 1: this better than anybody, Joe, there isn't one right, best,
15:27
Speaker 1: only way to grow a business. There isn't. But I
15:30
Speaker 1: guarantee you, if your energy isn't in and your passion
15:34
Speaker 1: isn't in it, and it's not utilizing your superpowers, that
15:37
Speaker 1: you're working against you. It doesn't matter what you try.
15:39
Speaker 1: You could try the quote unquote right thing, just not
15:42
Speaker 1: going to be there. And I remember just having this conversation.
15:45
Speaker 1: I asked her, you know what? You were saying that
15:48
Speaker 1: you used to do this other stuff. Tell me about that.
15:51
Speaker 1: What excited you about that? Why were you all in
15:53
Speaker 1: with that? And she completely came to life. She was like,
15:57
Speaker 1: you know what? I was doing this and I was
15:59
Speaker 1: doing this and I was doing live events and I
16:00
Speaker 1: was really connected to the women and all this kind
16:02
Speaker 1: of stuff. And so through this conversation, I'm like, can
16:05
Speaker 1: you see how when you are in front of those women,
16:09
Speaker 1: you're having those one-on-one like intimate conversations, you're doing those
16:11
Speaker 1: like live in-person events, you come to life. That is
16:15
Speaker 1: the best version of you. And when you remove that part,
16:18
Speaker 1: which is your superpower, but also what gives you that energy,
16:21
Speaker 1: you kind of feel like you're just running a business
16:23
Speaker 1: versus making an impact in somebody's life. And she was like,
16:27
Speaker 1: I didn't even realize that. I didn't realize that that
16:30
Speaker 1: was the direction that I was going. And so I'm like, well, what,
16:34
Speaker 1: based off of this, what do you think you're going
16:36
Speaker 1: to do with it? Because as a coach, I'm not
16:38
Speaker 1: somebody who's, I tell somebody what to do. I want
16:40
Speaker 1: them to actually verbalize it out loud. She's like, First off,
16:44
Speaker 1: I want to get off this call right now because
16:45
Speaker 1: I want to send an email to my people. We
16:47
Speaker 1: need to do a live event. And I'm so excited
16:49
Speaker 1: about this. And it's crazy the momentum that's happened just
16:52
Speaker 1: in a couple of weeks since I've had this conversation
16:54
Speaker 1: with her. And it's not because there's a right or
16:56
Speaker 1: wrong way to work your business. But when you think
16:58
Speaker 1: about like the energy that you have, the stories that
17:01
Speaker 1: you tell yourself, especially when we think about our superpowers. Joe,
17:05
Speaker 1: when I think about the superpowers of a coach, nine
17:07
Speaker 1: times out of 10, it isn't because they're great at
17:09
Speaker 1: making a social media post. they're great at talking to humans.
17:14
Speaker 1: I recognize that from the moment that you and I
17:16
Speaker 1: had a first conversation. I'm like, Joe is incredible at
17:19
Speaker 1: communicating and talking to humans. So I'm like, as a
17:22
Speaker 1: business owner, you want to do what you're great at
17:25
Speaker 1: as many times as possible. But see, we get all
17:28
Speaker 1: wrapped up in like what everybody else is doing and
17:30
Speaker 1: all the shining objects and whatnot. And it takes us
17:32
Speaker 1: off track from that. So that is just a perfect example.
17:35
Speaker 1: And you can feel it. You can feel it when
17:37
Speaker 1: you're having a conversation with somebody and they're doing something
17:39
Speaker 1: that's incongruent with them, their superpowers, what they do best
17:44
Speaker 1: in the world. You just have to be willing to
17:46
Speaker 1: show them the mirror. Like, did you see how your
17:48
Speaker 1: energy changed when you started talking about this? Like you just,
17:51
Speaker 1: you came in and I swear, like when the person
17:54
Speaker 1: was talking to me, it was like they were about
17:55
Speaker 1: to stop working their business. That is so painful for me.
17:59
Speaker 1: I'm like, you almost quit this thing that excites you,
18:04
Speaker 1: that you make a huge impact in the world because
18:07
Speaker 1: you had sold your brain on like, this is the
18:08
Speaker 1: way that it has to be and I don't like it.
18:11
Speaker 1: And like being able to see that and turn that around,
18:13
Speaker 1: that's the game changer. By the way, I'm not gonna
18:15
Speaker 1: say that's me. That's just me asking questions and bringing
18:18
Speaker 1: it out from her. One thing I always remind my
18:21
Speaker 1: clients is like everything that we discussed today was available
18:24
Speaker 1: to you even before we jumped on the call. You
18:26
Speaker 1: just weren't looking at it. You weren't reflecting on it.
18:30
Speaker 1: So it's like it's really powerful when you can see
18:32
Speaker 1: that you, like we say, you have all the answers
18:34
Speaker 1: living on the inside. You just need somebody to ask
18:35
Speaker 1: you a question to pull it out. That's true.
18:38
Speaker 2: Now you've moved on to the next level and now
18:41
Speaker 2: you're training other people to be able to exponentially increase
18:45
Speaker 2: grow this and be able to help more people. Now,
18:49
Speaker 2: if someone comes to you today and says, I've always
18:52
Speaker 2: dreamt about being a coach, what is the number one
18:55
Speaker 2: quality that you think that that individual must have? Do
18:58
Speaker 2: they have to have a specific industry, specific experience? Do
19:03
Speaker 2: you think that they had to have helped other people
19:05
Speaker 2: in the past? What are you looking for?
19:08
Speaker 1: So first off, all of those things help, but the
19:10
Speaker 1: only thing you really need is a real true desire
19:13
Speaker 1: to help other people. Like you have to have a
19:16
Speaker 1: true desire to want to help other people. Here's the thing.
19:20
Speaker 1: If you want to coach, it's difficult. You have to
19:23
Speaker 1: challenge your own beliefs. You have to be willing to
19:25
Speaker 1: challenge other people's beliefs. But it is the most, for me,
19:29
Speaker 1: it's the most rewarding thing that I do. I use
19:32
Speaker 1: it at home with my kids, with my wife, who's
19:34
Speaker 1: also a master coach. Like I use it with everybody
19:38
Speaker 1: because I know that when I can spot that, it
19:40
Speaker 1: will truly improve their life. It'll be energy that they
19:44
Speaker 1: can take with them everywhere. But you have to actually
19:47
Speaker 1: have a desire for helping others. If you're looking to
19:50
Speaker 1: just get rich, you're looking to just make money, coaching
19:53
Speaker 1: is not the space for you. You actually want to
19:56
Speaker 1: do what's best for somebody else. Because here's the thing,
19:58
Speaker 1: when you're jumping on with another human who's going through
20:00
Speaker 1: a challenge, they're going to present things that maybe we
20:03
Speaker 1: call this maybe jumping in the pool. You might think like,
20:05
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, that's a difficult situation. That's it. But
20:08
Speaker 1: when you realize that you might be the person that
20:11
Speaker 1: believes in them more than they believe in themselves right then,
20:14
Speaker 1: you have to really desire to make an impact in
20:17
Speaker 1: their life. So that is the only prerequisite. You have
20:20
Speaker 1: to actually want to help people and make an impact
20:23
Speaker 1: in their life.
20:24
Speaker 2: Can you tell us a little bit more about the training?
20:25
Speaker 2: How long is it? How is it delivered?
20:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's seven months worth of training. Funny, because
20:31
Speaker 1: everybody's like, well, why isn't it six months? Why is
20:33
Speaker 1: it nine months? Seven months is what we found to
20:36
Speaker 1: be the sweet spot. And the training itself, a lot
20:40
Speaker 1: of different certifications and programs and stuff out there, they
20:43
Speaker 1: have modules to watch. And you're kind of like more
20:45
Speaker 1: of like a inactive participant. We actually bring coaching and
20:49
Speaker 1: practice and feedback to every single call. So over that
20:52
Speaker 1: seven months of period, you start to learn how the
20:54
Speaker 1: brain works. We teach you what's called the growth model.
20:57
Speaker 1: but then you also practice it. You get repetitions, feedback.
21:00
Speaker 1: You get to be coached yourself, but then you get
21:02
Speaker 1: to coach other people. It's one of those things where
21:05
Speaker 1: you get to the end of the training and you're like,
21:06
Speaker 1: there is no way that I can't coach somebody because
21:08
Speaker 1: I've had to do it in this process. I had
21:11
Speaker 1: to actually practice it, not sit in the back of
21:13
Speaker 1: the room, but actively practice it. And what's amazing is
21:16
Speaker 1: how much you will grow through this process. One of
21:19
Speaker 1: the things that's really near and dear to me is
21:21
Speaker 1: I don't want to train coaches who don't know what
21:24
Speaker 1: it's like to actually have coaching impact your life. So
21:28
Speaker 1: a big part of the training, especially the first month,
21:30
Speaker 1: month and a half is really showing you how this
21:33
Speaker 1: impacts your own life. It's one of those things when
21:36
Speaker 1: you're like your best client, right? When you are proof
21:39
Speaker 1: the product works, when you're like, this has changed my life.
21:43
Speaker 1: It's very hard to not share that with other people.
21:45
Speaker 1: If you're just doing something and you're like as a job,
21:47
Speaker 1: it's different. But if you're like, I love you so much,
21:50
Speaker 1: I need to tell you about this because this thing
21:52
Speaker 1: has changed my life so much and I think it
21:54
Speaker 1: can help you too. There's just a different feeling. But
21:57
Speaker 1: then when you go through the practice and the repetitions
22:00
Speaker 1: and get the feedback and have master coaches on there
22:02
Speaker 1: to help you through it, you get to the end
22:04
Speaker 1: and you feel fully confident. And my main goal at
22:07
Speaker 1: the end is to have you feel so confident that
22:10
Speaker 1: you know you can help anybody through anything that they
22:12
Speaker 1: bring you by asking really powerful questions. Help the person
22:16
Speaker 1: become aware of what they have control over and what
22:18
Speaker 1: they don't. And then get them to perform on an
22:20
Speaker 1: even higher level. And we get people to go to
22:24
Speaker 1: the end. And yes, they love the fact they can
22:26
Speaker 1: coach others. But I think what they love the most
22:28
Speaker 1: is how they've transformed themselves.
22:30
Speaker 2: Once they get to the end, are they still connected
22:33
Speaker 2: with your organization somehow? Are they able to work as
22:37
Speaker 2: a team? How does that work?
22:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great question. So we have a program afterwards.
22:42
Speaker 1: It's called the Master Coach Collective. So a certain number
22:44
Speaker 1: of people want to continue to develop their skill as
22:46
Speaker 1: coaches and rise to the master coach level. And so
22:49
Speaker 1: we have a program that we put together to really
22:52
Speaker 1: help coaches stay in this environment. We call it what's
22:55
Speaker 1: called the three levels of reach. I'm not sure if
22:57
Speaker 1: you've ever heard that before, but when I think about
23:00
Speaker 1: being in an environment where you want to continue to grow,
23:04
Speaker 1: We have to focus on what's called the three levels
23:06
Speaker 1: of reach. Is it okay if I break that down
23:07
Speaker 1: real quick? Please. Okay. This is something we incorporate into
23:10
Speaker 1: the certification. It's something that we have inside of our
23:12
Speaker 1: Master Coach Collective. And anybody who runs a coaching organization,
23:16
Speaker 1: I would highly encourage you to make sure that your
23:17
Speaker 1: clients have this too. So there's three levels that we
23:20
Speaker 1: have to constantly be reaching if we want to grow.
23:23
Speaker 1: First off, we have to reach down. What I mean
23:25
Speaker 1: by reaching down is not to another level of human.
23:27
Speaker 1: We all have the same amount of worth. But to
23:29
Speaker 1: somebody a few steps behind you. This could be simply
23:32
Speaker 1: like you helping somebody share something that maybe you learned.
23:35
Speaker 1: Or if you're a coach and you're helping coach and
23:37
Speaker 1: lead and facilitate and maybe have some practice calls, you're
23:40
Speaker 1: helping other people out. This is important because when we're
23:43
Speaker 1: reaching down, we realize that we're a few steps ahead
23:46
Speaker 1: and you realize just how far along the journey you've come.
23:49
Speaker 1: So being able to reach down and lift people up
23:51
Speaker 1: to you is very, very important. Now, what I find
23:53
Speaker 1: is a lot of people just stay there. They just
23:55
Speaker 1: keep reaching down. And you've heard the average that you're
23:57
Speaker 1: five people you spend the most time with. What happens
23:59
Speaker 1: if all you're doing is reaching down? They start to
24:02
Speaker 1: pull you down and you're pulling them up and you
24:04
Speaker 1: meet somewhere in the middle. This is why there's two
24:06
Speaker 1: other levels of reach. The second level is reaching out.
24:11
Speaker 1: These are peers, people who are at about your level.
24:13
Speaker 1: Maybe they have different strengths than you, but this is
24:15
Speaker 1: where we actually get to share things that kind of
24:17
Speaker 1: like we're going through. This is a challenge. It's kind
24:19
Speaker 1: of like sometimes people commiserate with each other and they're like, like,
24:23
Speaker 1: I know I'm going to get through this, but this sucks.
24:25
Speaker 1: You don't want to be sharing that people with the
24:27
Speaker 1: people that you're lifting up, right? So you want to
24:28
Speaker 1: make sure that you're reaching out. It's also a high
24:31
Speaker 1: level of accountability. There's that part of it too. But
24:34
Speaker 1: you want to make sure that you're reaching out to
24:35
Speaker 1: people who are at around your level. And the third
24:38
Speaker 1: level is reaching up. Somebody a few levels ahead of you.
24:41
Speaker 1: Somebody like you, Joe, where you know some of the
24:44
Speaker 1: pitfalls that somebody could fall into if they don't actually
24:47
Speaker 1: have somebody a few steps ahead of them. But then
24:49
Speaker 1: also somebody to challenge them to be able to be
24:52
Speaker 1: their mirror and say, Hey, do you notice this? When
24:57
Speaker 1: you have these three levels of reach, it causes you
24:59
Speaker 1: to constantly grow. You're reaching up. So it doesn't feel
25:02
Speaker 1: like you've reached the top or pinnacle of the room, right?
25:04
Speaker 1: I always feel like that is like, if it feels
25:06
Speaker 1: like it's the right room, it's probably not the right room.
25:09
Speaker 1: The right room feels like it's the wrong one. It's like,
25:11
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm an imposter. I'm like, you're in
25:13
Speaker 1: the right room. Keep going, keep going, right? So you
25:16
Speaker 1: can be able to reach out, reach out and then
25:18
Speaker 1: reach down. And when you have these three levels, you
25:20
Speaker 1: constantly grow. So we do that in the certification. So
25:23
Speaker 1: you're doing practice calls. You're reaching out to other people
25:25
Speaker 1: in the certification. Then you have me, Teresa and the
25:28
Speaker 1: other master coaches in the program for you to reach
25:29
Speaker 1: up to. And once you get into that environment, you
25:32
Speaker 1: will not want to leave. So of course we had
25:34
Speaker 1: to create something called the Master Coach Collective. which is
25:36
Speaker 1: like a mastermind of master coach level coaches. We want
25:40
Speaker 1: to make sure they continue to function in this three
25:41
Speaker 1: levels of reach. So that's what we have in terms
25:44
Speaker 1: of the program, in terms of if you decide to,
25:46
Speaker 1: it's not a mandatory thing, but a lot of people
25:48
Speaker 1: do want to continue that.
25:49
Speaker 2: Are you required to join another organization? Because I've heard
25:53
Speaker 2: of other coaches being members of these other organizations in
25:58
Speaker 2: order to be classified as a coach. And you really
26:00
Speaker 2: don't need that. But are you required under your... under
26:04
Speaker 2: your framework to do that?
26:06
Speaker 1: No, you are not. So after seven months, there is
26:10
Speaker 1: a written test. There is what's called a practicum. And
26:13
Speaker 1: you have to have six practice recording calls that we
26:15
Speaker 1: review just to make sure that you have a full
26:17
Speaker 1: understanding of everything that you're doing. After you do that,
26:20
Speaker 1: you graduate, you get a certificate. That is all that
26:23
Speaker 1: you have to do with us. If you decide to
26:25
Speaker 1: go into the Master Coach Collective, you decide to start
26:27
Speaker 1: your own practice. By the way, we have people who
26:28
Speaker 1: are not necessarily want to be coaches. They actually just
26:31
Speaker 1: want to be leaders. They don't even want a certification.
26:34
Speaker 1: There is also another track that you would still participate
26:37
Speaker 1: in the actual certification, but you wouldn't get a certificate.
26:41
Speaker 1: But at the end, you still know that I am
26:43
Speaker 1: able to use this on anybody that I can help.
26:46
Speaker 1: We have people like who are in the corporate space,
26:48
Speaker 1: who are leading other humans, who want to get better
26:50
Speaker 1: at being able to lead them and understand some of
26:52
Speaker 1: the things that are going on behind the scenes so
26:53
Speaker 1: that they can perform better. So we have a mixture
26:56
Speaker 1: of people who want to become coaches, but also like parents,
26:59
Speaker 1: people who want to like use this in their career,
27:02
Speaker 1: multiple different places. But no, there is no extra place
27:05
Speaker 1: that you have to go after this to say that
27:06
Speaker 1: you're a coach. You actually get certified through it.
27:09
Speaker 2: Now you've had the opportunity. In hindsight, you can, you know,
27:13
Speaker 2: all of these people that you've coached and people that
27:15
Speaker 2: you have trained as well, What have you seen as
27:17
Speaker 2: the commonality of people who are coaches that the biggest
27:20
Speaker 2: challenge that they come across when they're making that transition
27:23
Speaker 2: from being that friend who helps people to becoming a
27:27
Speaker 2: coach that puts up that mirror?
27:30
Speaker 1: So I love your questions, Joe. I love your questions.
27:34
Speaker 1: So the thing that I want to bring up here
27:36
Speaker 1: has to do what we call like holding space and
27:38
Speaker 1: clean thinking. And so if you're having a conversation with
27:41
Speaker 1: a friend, right? And like, let's say some situations going
27:44
Speaker 1: on at home or at work, right? And they're like,
27:46
Speaker 1: my boss sucks. As a friend, you might just want
27:49
Speaker 1: to commiserate with them. Go, yeah, that sucks. Dude, if
27:52
Speaker 1: I had a boss like that, man, like that in
27:55
Speaker 1: and of itself, it can be helpful, right? We call
27:57
Speaker 1: this like empathizing with the other person, right? And in
28:00
Speaker 1: those scenarios, maybe the person does need a friend. But
28:04
Speaker 1: if I'm your coach, I'm stepping in there a little different.
28:07
Speaker 1: And the reason why is because this is the way
28:09
Speaker 1: that I picture it. When my clients are going through
28:11
Speaker 1: a situation, like let's say they have a terrible boss
28:13
Speaker 1: or they have something that's happening at home. What they're
28:15
Speaker 1: doing is when they keep commiserating against it, I feel
28:18
Speaker 1: like they're punching themselves in the face. They're trying to
28:21
Speaker 1: change something that they have no, they can't change their boss.
28:25
Speaker 1: They can't change the things that their kids are saying.
28:27
Speaker 1: And so they're literally giving power to things outside of themselves.
28:31
Speaker 1: And they don't even realize that they can actually, there
28:34
Speaker 1: are some things in here that they actually can control.
28:37
Speaker 1: They can control how they react. They can control whether
28:40
Speaker 1: they get a new job. They can control whether they
28:42
Speaker 1: lead their boss or not. Like there's so many different
28:44
Speaker 1: things that are on the table. When I'm somebody's coach,
28:47
Speaker 1: I'm willing to challenge that. Now, if you and I
28:49
Speaker 1: are friends, Joe, and you're like, Mark, let's just talk
28:51
Speaker 1: about it. I'm just, I'm just jumping in as a friend.
28:53
Speaker 1: I'll be like, yeah, that kind of sucks, right? But
28:56
Speaker 1: if you're like, Mark, I want to overcome this. This
28:58
Speaker 1: is a challenge and I keep dealing with it. I'm
29:00
Speaker 1: not going to do that. I'm not going to quote
29:02
Speaker 1: unquote jump in the pool with you, right? I'm going
29:04
Speaker 1: to be the person outside of the pool going, hey,
29:06
Speaker 1: you want my arm? I'm going to lift you up
29:08
Speaker 1: and we're going to figure out a way of like
29:09
Speaker 1: actually tackling this by focusing on the things that you
29:11
Speaker 1: can control because you can control parts of this situation
29:15
Speaker 1: and you're giving it all the power to your boss
29:17
Speaker 1: or to the algorithm or the politics and all that
29:19
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. Like stuff outside of is going to happen.
29:21
Speaker 1: It's not going to be nice. It's not going to
29:23
Speaker 1: be amazing. You're not going to be like, this is
29:24
Speaker 1: the best situation ever. But the way that you think
29:27
Speaker 1: about it will either make something bad worse or or
29:30
Speaker 1: you're gonna be able to what we do call, find
29:32
Speaker 1: a generative way of finding a new solution, getting more creative,
29:36
Speaker 1: and finding a way of you still showing up as
29:38
Speaker 1: your best self. Because really the ultimately the only thing
29:40
Speaker 1: you could do is control the things you can control.
29:43
Speaker 1: Show up as your best self. And more often than not,
29:46
Speaker 1: that does influence the other person, but we can't change them.
29:50
Speaker 1: And any extra energy or focus that we're putting in
29:53
Speaker 1: there just is using our beautiful energy and power towards
29:55
Speaker 1: something we can't control. So let's focus on what we
29:57
Speaker 1: can control. That's what I do as your coach versus
30:01
Speaker 1: if you're a friend. But even though I have my
30:04
Speaker 1: coaching hat on, there's times when I put my friend
30:05
Speaker 1: hat on. There's times when I have a conversation with Teresa,
30:08
Speaker 1: my wife, and I'm like, it's not time to coach her.
30:12
Speaker 1: She didn't sign up for a coach. She signed up
30:13
Speaker 1: for a husband to love her, not to coach her
30:16
Speaker 1: through this. And so I say, do you want me
30:18
Speaker 1: to coach or do you want me to just be
30:20
Speaker 1: your husband today? And she's like, Be my husband, please.
30:22
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm all in. Let's go.
30:24
Speaker 2: Let's go.
30:25
Speaker 1: That sucked. Why did that person cut you off? Right.
30:27
Speaker 1: And it's because like at that moment, that's the best
30:29
Speaker 1: thing for me to lean into. So even if you
30:31
Speaker 1: become a coach, you just got to know which hat
30:33
Speaker 1: am I going to wear? And a lot of times
30:35
Speaker 1: we just ask people like, you know, you bring in
30:37
Speaker 1: a coaching session, you come to a coaching session. I
30:39
Speaker 1: automatically know you want to coach. But if we're a friend,
30:41
Speaker 1: I'd be like, do you want coach Mark? Or do
30:44
Speaker 1: you want friend Mark? And they're like, well, depending on
30:47
Speaker 1: the situation. Right. And that's how you can show up
30:49
Speaker 1: for them.
30:49
Speaker 2: Well, and I'm sure that line is really blurry with
30:52
Speaker 2: your wife.
30:53
Speaker 1: It is.
30:53
Speaker 2: Becoming a husband and a coach.
30:56
Speaker 1: Because she's a coach too. She understands what's going on.
30:58
Speaker 1: And the beautiful thing is like, I can say that.
31:01
Speaker 1: I'm like, would you like me to coach you or
31:03
Speaker 1: ask you a question? And believe it or not, sometimes
31:06
Speaker 1: she's like, I do need it. Because here's the thing.
31:09
Speaker 1: One thing that you will notice is if you first
31:13
Speaker 1: become a coach and you start using coaching tools on people,
31:15
Speaker 1: they're like, stop using that on me. Why are you
31:18
Speaker 1: using that on me? But the beautiful thing is like
31:20
Speaker 1: when you use them and even when they know you're
31:23
Speaker 1: using them, it still helps them. That's a game changer.
31:28
Speaker 1: They're like, you're using it on me. I know you're
31:30
Speaker 1: using it on me and you're using it on me
31:31
Speaker 1: with good intentions because you want to help me and
31:34
Speaker 1: it's helping me. Please keep doing it. And there's that shift.
31:37
Speaker 1: It doesn't happen overnight. It doesn't happen the first time
31:40
Speaker 1: that you jump in and you start asking questions. I
31:42
Speaker 1: highly encourage people who are going to be coaching or
31:44
Speaker 1: doing that, like to explain that to people. Like, hey,
31:47
Speaker 1: I'm learning this new thing. I'm learning coaching because I
31:49
Speaker 1: really do see that some of the things in here
31:51
Speaker 1: for me are actually keeping me stuck. And I want
31:54
Speaker 1: to help so many other people with it. So I
31:55
Speaker 1: may ask you some weird questions. And if you don't
31:58
Speaker 1: want me to just say, please stop. And I will
32:00
Speaker 1: 100% do that. But like, I'm just seeing how powerful
32:03
Speaker 1: this is. I'm not trying to manipulate you. I'm not
32:05
Speaker 1: trying to get something. I just want to help. But
32:08
Speaker 1: if you think it's just weird or awkward, just let
32:09
Speaker 1: me know, right? Like leading with that, like it's just
32:12
Speaker 1: kind of like it's calling out the elephant in the room,
32:14
Speaker 1: kind of like drops that stuff. And maybe they're gonna
32:16
Speaker 1: be like, don't use that on me. And that's okay.
32:18
Speaker 1: But sometimes my wife's like, I'm actually struggling right now.
32:22
Speaker 1: What would you do? What would you ask me if
32:24
Speaker 1: you were coaching me? And I just ask a question.
32:27
Speaker 1: And sometimes it changes everything. And sometimes she's like, okay,
32:29
Speaker 1: I don't want to answer that. But it's just another tool,
32:33
Speaker 1: another skill that I can utilize to help out.
32:35
Speaker 2: It sounds like you have a great relationship. That's fantastic.
32:38
Speaker 1: I do. I do. She's put up with me for
32:40
Speaker 1: so long. She's put in more than 20 years at
32:44
Speaker 1: this point, right? Yes, she has. All right.
32:48
Speaker 2: So if you don't mind, I want to go back
32:49
Speaker 2: to the hundred pounds, because if I don't ask a
32:51
Speaker 2: couple more questions on that, I'm sure, you know, everyone's
32:54
Speaker 2: going to message me on the episode and say, why not?
32:57
Speaker 2: Why didn't you talk to him about this?
32:59
Speaker 1: Yeah.
33:00
Speaker 2: So once you started to work more with the coach
33:02
Speaker 2: and you started to have that mirror, you started to
33:04
Speaker 2: see yourself. What was like, I guess the number one
33:09
Speaker 2: things that you wanted to attack first, you wanted to
33:11
Speaker 2: address as quickly as you could. To make that change.
33:15
Speaker 2: Because again, we want to, we're always focused on the
33:18
Speaker 2: outside and the way we look, not thinking about the inside,
33:21
Speaker 2: but please let us know.
33:23
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. So initially it was the workout. It was
33:26
Speaker 1: the nutrition plan and it was a nutrition shake. That's
33:29
Speaker 1: what my, my, what was like really like blaring for me.
33:33
Speaker 1: And none of those things would have worked if I
33:35
Speaker 1: actually didn't do what I'm going to share with you
33:37
Speaker 1: right now. What I realized is from talking to the
33:40
Speaker 1: coach that when the alarm would go off at five
33:43
Speaker 1: in the morning, I was really good at convincing myself
33:46
Speaker 1: not to get up and do any of those things.
33:48
Speaker 1: All those beautiful things that I bought, all of those
33:50
Speaker 1: extra pieces of equipment in the garage, all of those
33:52
Speaker 1: things were collecting dust. What I realized is I was
33:56
Speaker 1: telling myself those perspectives or stories in the morning that
34:00
Speaker 1: prevented me from working out. Here's a couple of the
34:02
Speaker 1: big ones. Number one is I deserve a break. I
34:05
Speaker 1: worked so much last night. I spent so much time
34:07
Speaker 1: at the hospital. I deserve a break. And so I'd
34:10
Speaker 1: give myself a break. And then I'd wake up and
34:12
Speaker 1: beat myself up later that I didn't do it, right?
34:15
Speaker 1: Next one was like, I'm so tired. I just don't
34:17
Speaker 1: have enough time to be able to do this, right?
34:20
Speaker 1: And so all of these stories, just like the big
34:22
Speaker 1: bone one, like, why would I want to wake up now?
34:25
Speaker 1: This has never worked for me in the past. It's
34:27
Speaker 1: not going to work for me in the future. All
34:29
Speaker 1: of these stories, what transformed for me was starting to
34:33
Speaker 1: think about why I did want to wake up. What
34:36
Speaker 1: kind of impact was that going to have? And what
34:41
Speaker 1: I came on, because leadership is really important to me,
34:45
Speaker 1: what I came upon is the impact that I make,
34:48
Speaker 1: not only in my family's life, but in everybody else's
34:51
Speaker 1: life when I'm presented with hard things and I show
34:54
Speaker 1: up anyway. Because when I think about leaders, I think
34:58
Speaker 1: about leaders are defined not through the easy times. When
35:02
Speaker 1: everything's given to you, everything's perfect and everything's easy. Leaders
35:06
Speaker 1: are literally defined when everything in their body is telling
35:09
Speaker 1: them to do one thing, but they choose on purpose
35:12
Speaker 1: to do the other. For me, it was because my
35:14
Speaker 1: son needed me to show up. And I was not
35:17
Speaker 1: ever going to allow myself to let him down again.
35:22
Speaker 1: There was nothing. No amount of tiredness, no amount of
35:25
Speaker 1: being big boned, none of that stuff was gonna prevent
35:28
Speaker 1: me from letting my kid down. And so when the
35:30
Speaker 1: alarm went off, in the beginning, my brain was like,
35:33
Speaker 1: you deserve a break. And then I was like, wait,
35:36
Speaker 1: hold on a second. I know exactly what happens if
35:38
Speaker 1: I listen to that. But there's something else here. this
35:42
Speaker 1: is one of those hard moments. This is one of
35:44
Speaker 1: those leadership moments that I get to actually use right
35:47
Speaker 1: now to not only show my son that I can
35:49
Speaker 1: do hard things, but to show him how much I
35:52
Speaker 1: care for him and that I'm willing to show up
35:54
Speaker 1: not just when things are easy, but when things are
35:55
Speaker 1: hard too. And this is going to be something that
35:58
Speaker 1: is going to impact him today, but it's going to
35:59
Speaker 1: be well into the future because in reality, these things
36:03
Speaker 1: I'm going to start doing in multiple other areas and
36:05
Speaker 1: I'm going to be modeling the behavior for him that
36:08
Speaker 1: I want to see when he gets older. I don't
36:10
Speaker 1: want to see him back down from challenges. I want
36:12
Speaker 1: to see him lean in and show the true leader
36:14
Speaker 1: that he is. And so in the morning time, I
36:16
Speaker 1: would remind myself. And sometimes it was hard, Joe. Sometimes
36:20
Speaker 1: it was like, oh, that pillow, that looks so good
36:22
Speaker 1: right now. But then I would say, you know what?
36:25
Speaker 1: But this is what I'm made for. I'm made to
36:28
Speaker 1: do hard things. This is going to help me. And
36:31
Speaker 1: I may be tired right now, but I guarantee you
36:33
Speaker 1: if I keep sleeping, I'll be even more tired afterwards.
36:36
Speaker 1: I know that I always feel more energy afterwards because
36:38
Speaker 1: I've kept the promise that I made to myself. And
36:41
Speaker 1: I kept the promise I made to my son. And
36:44
Speaker 1: I remember the first couple days was a little hard.
36:46
Speaker 1: But do you know what happens after that? You start
36:48
Speaker 1: to build the opposite. You start to build up all
36:51
Speaker 1: the evidence that you can do this. You start to
36:53
Speaker 1: build up all the evidence that you are built for
36:55
Speaker 1: doing hard things. And those were all the things I
36:57
Speaker 1: didn't know was going to happen. I thought I was
36:59
Speaker 1: trying to lose weight. But that set off a chain
37:02
Speaker 1: reaction to be able to get to do the things
37:05
Speaker 1: that I do now. And I didn't realize that in
37:08
Speaker 1: the moment. So there's so many things, so many different opportunities,
37:12
Speaker 1: so many things you'll be presented with when you put
37:15
Speaker 1: yourself in a situation to do something hard and you
37:18
Speaker 1: do it anyway. You won't even be able to think
37:20
Speaker 1: of it right now. But in the future, I guarantee you,
37:23
Speaker 1: you're going to be like, I can't believe that's where
37:25
Speaker 1: it all got started. And that's the opportunity that we
37:28
Speaker 1: have every day that the alarm goes off. And so
37:31
Speaker 1: I reminded myself of this, Joe. By the way, these
37:33
Speaker 1: are all perspectives. These are all stories, right? They're made up.
37:38
Speaker 1: but I got to tell you, they didn't feel made up.
37:40
Speaker 1: They felt like I'm here for a purpose and this
37:41
Speaker 1: is what I'm going to do. And then by me
37:44
Speaker 1: getting up and me exercising and losing the weight, that's
37:47
Speaker 1: what truly helped. Yes. The workout, the nutrition, all that
37:50
Speaker 1: great stuff.
37:51
Speaker 2: Awesome.
37:52
Speaker 1: But it would not have worked if I hadn't been
37:54
Speaker 1: able to tell myself these stories to get myself to
37:56
Speaker 1: do it.
37:56
Speaker 2: That's great. Thank you for sharing that. I mean, losing
37:59
Speaker 2: the weight was truly the confirmation that what you were
38:02
Speaker 2: doing was the right direction. You were doing the right thing, but, uh,
38:06
Speaker 2: I just love it where you're saying about, you know,
38:08
Speaker 2: you being a role model for your son and going
38:10
Speaker 2: to the gym. And it's like, I have to do that.
38:12
Speaker 2: And very often I have the same perspective all the time.
38:16
Speaker 2: Sometimes I'm a little tired, but then I remember I
38:18
Speaker 2: have to go to the gym. Sometimes not for myself,
38:20
Speaker 2: but it is a role model that I'm pushing that
38:23
Speaker 2: this is.
38:23
Speaker 1: What dad does.
38:24
Speaker 2: Dad just goes to the gym. This is what we
38:25
Speaker 2: have to do. So Mark, what is the single most
38:29
Speaker 2: important takeaway that you want listeners to remember from this conversation? Hmm.
38:35
Speaker 1: That the stories that you tell yourself are the most
38:37
Speaker 1: important things of all. We talked about like self-leadership here.
38:41
Speaker 1: And a lot of times people want to think about like,
38:43
Speaker 1: how can I lead other people more effectively? How can
38:45
Speaker 1: I lead people at work? How can I lead people?
38:48
Speaker 1: And the best way to do that is to start
38:50
Speaker 1: getting excellent and mastering the ability of leading yourself. And
38:53
Speaker 1: that's the stories that you tell yourself, right? So be
38:56
Speaker 1: very keen on those stories. Don't believe all the BS
38:59
Speaker 1: that your brain is telling you because it is not
39:02
Speaker 1: the truth. It's just a story. And there's a different
39:05
Speaker 1: story in there. You have to be willing to find it.
39:08
Speaker 1: Love it.
39:09
Speaker 2: Now, where can people who want coaching or want to
39:13
Speaker 2: become a coach connect with you online?
39:15
Speaker 1: So if you go to Modern Leadership Coaching, we actually
39:17
Speaker 1: have a podcast. But if you go to modernleadership.us forward
39:20
Speaker 1: slash lead, L-E-A-D, we have a very short five-part podcast
39:26
Speaker 1: series where we talk about how to take the first
39:28
Speaker 1: steps towards leading yourself when it comes to health, wealth, relationships, career,
39:33
Speaker 1: all those kinds of things when things get really, really tough.
39:36
Speaker 1: So we have that five part series to help people
39:37
Speaker 1: get started. And of course, if you sign up for that,
39:40
Speaker 1: you'll be attached to me. We email, you have any
39:42
Speaker 1: questions you want to get some coaching. You want to
39:44
Speaker 1: jump on a call. I offer free calls for people.
39:46
Speaker 1: I've just reached out to me and I'll have, we'll
39:47
Speaker 1: have a conversation.
39:48
Speaker 2: Mark, thank you so much for joining us. And we
39:51
Speaker 2: really appreciate your time and the value you shared today.
39:54
Speaker 1: Thank you, Joe. And I just want to say this.
39:56
Speaker 1: I know putting together a podcast takes a lot of energy,
39:59
Speaker 1: a lot of work. You are exceptional at it. But
40:01
Speaker 1: I also want to thank you for doing this, for
40:03
Speaker 1: putting together these shows, for putting, finding guests, right? Sorting
40:07
Speaker 1: through all that and really only putting like whatever the
40:10
Speaker 1: best version of you is into these. And I know
40:12
Speaker 1: it takes a lot of time and energy. And I
40:13
Speaker 1: just want to say thank you for doing that. Thank you.
40:17
Speaker 2: Thanks, everyone, for listening. If this episode inspired you, share
40:20
Speaker 2: it with someone who needs it. And don't forget to
40:22
Speaker 2: follow the Globalizer podcast for more conversations that make an impact.
40:26
Speaker 2: Till the next time.