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19 - The Flying Inn - GK Chesterton · Daily Classic Sci Fi Books

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Speaker 1: Chapter nineteen, The Hospitality of the Captain, Doctor Moses Meadows,
0:07
Speaker 1: whether that was his name or an anglicized version of it,
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Speaker 1: had certainly come in the first instance from a little
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Speaker 1: town in Germany, and his first two books were written
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Speaker 1: in German. His first two books were his best, for
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Speaker 1: he began with the genuine enthusiasm for physical science, and
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Speaker 1: this was a delterated with nothing worse than a hatred
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Speaker 1: of what he thought was superstition and what many of
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Speaker 1: us think is the soul of this state. The first
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Speaker 1: enthusiasm was most notable in the first book, which was
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Speaker 1: concerned to show that in the female not up sprouting
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Speaker 1: of the whiskers was from the therewith increasing arrested mentality
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Speaker 1: derived in his second book, he came more to grips
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Speaker 1: with delusions, and for some time he was held to
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Speaker 1: have proved to every one who agreed with him already
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Speaker 1: that the time ghost had been walking particularly rapidly lately,
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Speaker 1: and that the Christus mythus was by the alcoholic mind's
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Speaker 1: trouble explained. Then, unfortunately, he came across the institution called
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Speaker 1: death and began to argue with it, not seeing any
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Speaker 1: rational explanation of this custom of dying so prevalent among
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Speaker 1: his fellow citizens, he concluded that it was merely traditional,
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Speaker 1: which he thought meant a feat and began to think
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Speaker 1: of nothing but ways of evading or delaying it. This
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Speaker 1: had a rather narrowing effect on him, and he lost
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Speaker 1: much of that acrid ardor which had humanized the atheism
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Speaker 1: of his youth, when he would almost have committed suicide
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Speaker 1: for the pleasure of taunting God with not being there.
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Speaker 1: His later idealism grew more and more into materialism, and
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Speaker 1: consisted of his changing hypotheses and discoveries about the healthiest foods.
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Speaker 1: There is no need to detain the reader over what
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Speaker 1: has been called his oil period. His seaweed period has
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Speaker 1: been authoritatively expounded in Professor Nim's valuable little work, and
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Speaker 1: on the events of his glue period. It is perhaps
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Speaker 1: not very generous to dwell. It was during his prolonged
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Speaker 1: stay in England that he chanced on the instance of
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Speaker 1: the longevity of milk consumers and built on it a
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Speaker 1: theory which was at the beginning at least sincere. Unfortunately,
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Speaker 1: it was also successful. Wealth flowed into the inventor and
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Speaker 1: proprietor of Mountain milk and he began to feel a
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Speaker 1: fourth and last enthusiasm, which also can come late in
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Speaker 1: life and have a narrowing effect on the mind. In
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Speaker 1: the altercation which naturally followed on his discovery of the
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Speaker 1: antics of mister Patrick Delroy, he was very dignified, but
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Speaker 1: naturally not very tolerant, for he was quite unused to
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Speaker 1: anything happening in spite of him, or anything important even
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Speaker 1: happening without him in the land that lay around. At first,
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Speaker 1: he hinted severely that the captain had stolen the milk
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Speaker 1: can from the milk producing premises, and sent several workmen
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Speaker 1: to count the cans in each shed. But Dalroy soon
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Speaker 1: put him right about that. I bought it in a
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Speaker 1: shop at Whittington, he said, and since then I have
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Speaker 1: used no other You'll hardly believe me, he said, with
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Speaker 1: some truth. But when I went into that shop, I
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Speaker 1: was quite a little man. I had one glass of
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Speaker 1: your mountain milk. And look at me now. You have
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Speaker 1: no right to sell the milk. Here, said doctor Meadows,
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Speaker 1: with the faintest trace of a German accent. You are
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Speaker 1: not in my employment. I am not responsible for your methods.
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Speaker 1: You are not a representative of the business. I am
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Speaker 1: an advertiseman, said the captain. We advertise you all over England.
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Speaker 1: You see that lean, skimpy little man over there, pointing
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Speaker 1: to the indignant mister Pump. He's before it taking meadows
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Speaker 1: mountain milk, I'm after, added mister Delroy, with satisfaction. You
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Speaker 1: shall laugh at the magistrate, said the other, with a
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Speaker 1: thickening accent. I shall agreed, Patrick. Well, I'll make a
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Speaker 1: clean breast of it, sir. The truth is, it isn't
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Speaker 1: your milk at all. It has quite a different taste,
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Speaker 1: these gentlemen will tell you so. A smothered giggle sent
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Speaker 1: all the blood to the eminent capitalist's face. Then either
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Speaker 1: you have stolen my can and are a thief, he said, stamping,
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Speaker 1: or you have introduced inferior substances into my discovery and
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Speaker 1: are an adulterer. Er try a delteratist, said Delroy kindly.
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Speaker 1: Prince Albert always said a dulteretarian. Dear Old Albert. It
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Speaker 1: seems like yesterday, but it is of course to day,
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Speaker 1: and it's as true as daylight that this stuff tastes different.
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Speaker 1: I can't tell you what the taste is. Subdued gaffaws
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Speaker 1: from the outskirts of the crowd. It's something between the
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Speaker 1: taste of your first sugar stick and the fag end
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Speaker 1: of your father's cigar. It's as innocent as heaven and
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Speaker 1: as hot as hell. It tastes like a paradox. It
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Speaker 1: tastes like a prehistoric inconsistency. I trust, I make myself clear.
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Speaker 1: The men who taste it most are the simplest men
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Speaker 1: that God has made, and it always reminds them of
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Speaker 1: the salt, because it is made out of sugar. Have some,
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Speaker 1: and with a gesture of staggering hospitality, he shot out
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Speaker 1: his long arm with the little glass at the end
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Speaker 1: of it. The despotic curiosity and oppression overcame even his
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Speaker 1: despot dignity. He took a sip of the liquid, and
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Speaker 1: his eyes stood out from his face. You've been mixing
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Speaker 1: something with the milk, were the first words that came
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Speaker 1: to him. Yes, answered Delroy, And so have you Unless
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Speaker 1: you're a swindler. Why is your milk advertised as different
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Speaker 1: from every one else's milk if you haven't made the difference?
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Speaker 1: Why does a glass of your milk cost threepence and
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Speaker 1: a glass of ordinary milk a penny? If you haven't
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Speaker 1: put two pennorth of something into it. Now, look here,
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Speaker 1: doctor Meadows, the public analyst, who would judge this happens
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Speaker 1: to be an honest man. I have a list of
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Speaker 1: the twenty one and a half honest men still employed
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Speaker 1: in such posts. I make you a fair offer. He
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Speaker 1: shall decide what it is I add to the milk.
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Speaker 1: If you let him decide what it is you add
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Speaker 1: to the milk. You must add something to the milk,
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Speaker 1: or what can all the wheels and pumps and pulleys before,
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Speaker 1: Will you tell me here and now what you add
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Speaker 1: to the milk which makes it so exceedingly mountain. There
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Speaker 1: was a long silence, full of the same sense of
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Speaker 1: submerged mirth in the mob. But the philanthropist had fallen
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Speaker 1: into a naked frenzy in the sunlight, and shaking his
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Speaker 1: fists aloft in a way unknown to all the English
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Speaker 1: around him, he cried out, Ah, but I know what
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Speaker 1: you add. I know what you add. It is the alcohol.
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Speaker 1: And you have no sign, and you shall laugh at
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Speaker 1: a magis strait. Dalroy, with the bow, retired to the car,
7:40
Speaker 1: removed a number of wrappings and produced the prodigious wooden
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Speaker 1: sign post of the old ship, with its blue three
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Speaker 1: decker and red Saint George's cross conspicuously displayed this, he
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Speaker 1: planted on his narrow territory of turf and looked round.
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Speaker 1: So in this old oak paneled inn of mine, he said,
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Speaker 1: I will laugh at a million magistrates, not that there's
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Speaker 1: anything unhygienic about this inn. No low ceilings or stuffiness here.
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Speaker 1: Windows open everywhere except in the floor. And as I
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Speaker 1: hear some are saying, there ought always to be food
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Speaker 1: sold with fermented liquor. Why, my dear doctor Meadows, I've
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Speaker 1: got a cheese here that will make another man of you,
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Speaker 1: at least, we'll hope, so we can but try. But
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Speaker 1: doctor Meadows was long past being merely angry. The exhibition
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Speaker 1: of the sign had put him into a serious difficulty.
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Speaker 1: Like most skeptics, like even the most genuine skeptics, such
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Speaker 1: as Bradlaugh, he was as legal as he was skeptical.
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Speaker 1: He had a profound fear which also had in it
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Speaker 1: something better than fear of being ultimately found in the
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Speaker 1: wrong in a police court or a public inquiry. And
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Speaker 1: he also suffered the tragedy of all such men living
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Speaker 1: in modern England, that he must always be certain to
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Speaker 1: respect the law, while never being certain of what it was.
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Speaker 1: He could only remember generally that Lord Ivywood, when introducing
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Speaker 1: or defending the Great Ivywood Act on this matter, had
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Speaker 1: dwelt very strongly on the unique and significant nature of
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Speaker 1: the sign, and he could not be certain that if
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Speaker 1: he disregarded it altogether, he might not eventually be cast
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Speaker 1: in heavy damages or even go to prison in spite
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Speaker 1: of his success in business. Of course, he knew quite
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Speaker 1: well that he had a thousand answers to such nonsense,
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Speaker 1: that a patch of grass in the road couldn't be
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Speaker 1: an inn, that the sign wasn't even produced when the
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Speaker 1: ca captain began to hand round the rum. But he
10:03
Speaker 1: also knew quite well that in the black peril we
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Speaker 1: call British law, that is not the point. He had
10:10
Speaker 1: heard points quite as obvious, urged to a judge, and
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Speaker 1: urged in vain. At the bottom of his mind. He
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Speaker 1: found this fact rich as he was, Lord Ivywood had
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Speaker 1: made him. And on which side would Lord Ivywood be Captain?
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Speaker 1: Said Humphrey Pump, speaking for the first time. We'd better
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Speaker 1: be getting away. I feel it in my bones inhospitable innkeeper,
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Speaker 1: cried the captain indignantly. And after I have gone out
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Speaker 1: of the way to license your premises. Why this is
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Speaker 1: the dawn of peace in the great city of Peace. Ways,
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Speaker 1: I don't despair of doctor Meadow's tossing off another bumper
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Speaker 1: before we've done. For the moment, brother Hugby will engage.
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Speaker 1: As he spoke, he served out milk and rum at random,
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Speaker 1: and still the doctor had too much terror of our
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Speaker 1: legal technicalities to make a final interference. But when mister
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Speaker 1: Hugby of Hugby's Ales heard his name called, he first
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Speaker 1: of all jumped so as almost to dislodge the silk hat.
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Speaker 1: Then he stood quite still. Then he accepted a glass
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Speaker 1: at the new Mountain milk, and then his very face
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Speaker 1: became full of speech before he had spoken a word.
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Speaker 1: There's a motor coming along the road from the far hills,
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Speaker 1: said Humphrey quietly. It'll be across the last bridge down
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Speaker 1: stream in ten minutes and come up on this side. Well,
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Speaker 1: said the captain impatiently. I suppose you've seen a motor before,
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Speaker 1: not in this valley all this morning, answered Pump. Mister Chairman,
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Speaker 1: said mister Hugby, feeling a dim disposition to say, mister
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Speaker 1: Weiss in memory of old commercial banquets. I'm sure we're
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Speaker 1: all law abiding people here and wished to remain friends,
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Speaker 1: especially with our good friend the doctor. He never want
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Speaker 1: a friend or a bottle, that is, in short, anything
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Speaker 1: he wants as we go up the hill of prosperity
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Speaker 1: and so on. But as our friend here with the
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Speaker 1: sign board seems to be within his rights, well, I
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Speaker 1: think the time's come when we can look at these
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Speaker 1: things more broadly, so to speak. Now, I know it's
12:18
Speaker 1: quite true those dirty little pubs do a lot of
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Speaker 1: harm to a property, and you get a lot of
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Speaker 1: ignorant people there who are just like pigs. And I
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Speaker 1: don't say our friend the doctor hasn't done good by
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Speaker 1: clearing him away, But a big, well managed business with
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Speaker 1: plenty of capital behind it is quite another thing. Well, friends,
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Speaker 1: you all know that I was originally in the trade,
12:40
Speaker 1: though I have of course left off selling under the
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Speaker 1: new regulations. Here the goats looked rather guiltily at their
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Speaker 1: cloven hoofs. But I've got my little bit and I
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Speaker 1: wouldn't mind putting it into this old ship here if
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Speaker 1: our friend would allow it. To be run on business lines,
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Speaker 1: and especially if he'd done large the premises a bit
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Speaker 1: ha ha. And if our good friend, the doctor, you
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Speaker 1: rascal fellows fluttered meadows, your good friend the doctor will
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Speaker 1: make you dance before a magistrate. Now, don't be unbusinesslike,
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Speaker 1: reasoned the brewer. It won't hurt your sales. It's quite
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Speaker 1: a different public, don't you see do talk like a
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Speaker 1: business man. I am not a business man, said the
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Speaker 1: scientist with fiery eyes. I am a servant of humanity,
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Speaker 1: then said Delroy, why do you never do what your
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Speaker 1: master tells you? The motor has crossed the river, said
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Speaker 1: Humphrey Pump. You would undo all my works, cried the doctor,
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Speaker 1: with sincere passion. When I have built this town myself,
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Speaker 1: when I have made it sober and healthful myself, when
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Speaker 1: I am awake and about before any one in the town, myself,
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Speaker 1: watching over its interests, You would ruin all to sell
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Speaker 1: your barber berrick and fundamentally beastly beer. And then you
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Speaker 1: call me a goot friend. I am not a good friend.
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Speaker 1: That I can't say, growled Hugby. But if it comes
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Speaker 1: to that, aren't you trying to sell a motor car?
14:17
Speaker 1: Drove up with a white explosion of dust, and about
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Speaker 1: six very dusty people got out of it. Even through
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Speaker 1: the densest disguise of the swift motorist, Pump perceived in
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Speaker 1: many of them the peculiar style and bodily carriage of
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Speaker 1: the police. The most evident exception was a long and
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Speaker 1: more slender figure, which, on removing its cap and goggles,
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Speaker 1: disclosed the dark and drooping features of J. Levison Secretary.
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Speaker 1: He walked across to the little old millionaire, who instantly
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Speaker 1: recognized him and shook hands. They confabulated for some little time,
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Speaker 1: turning over some official documents, Doctor Meadows cleared his throat
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Speaker 1: and said to the whole crowd, I am very glad
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Speaker 1: to be able to announce to you all that this
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Speaker 1: extraordinary outrage has been too late. Attempted Lord Ivywood, with
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Speaker 1: the promptitude he so invariably shows, has immediately communicated to
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Speaker 1: places of importance such as this, a most just and
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Speaker 1: right alteration of the law which exactly meets the present case.
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Speaker 1: We shall sleep in jail to night, said Humphrey Pump.
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Speaker 1: I know it in my bones. It is enough to say,
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Speaker 1: proceeded the millionaire that by the law as it now stands,
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Speaker 1: any innkeeper, even if he display a sign, is subject
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Speaker 1: to imprisonment if he sells alcohol on premises where it
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Speaker 1: has not been previously kept for three days. I thought
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Speaker 1: it would be something like that, muttered Pump. Shall we
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Speaker 1: give up, Captain, or shall we try a bolt for it?
15:54
Speaker 1: Even the impudence of Delroy appeared for the instant Dazed
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Speaker 1: and stilled. He was staring forlornly up into the abyss
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Speaker 1: of sky above him, as if, like Shelley, he could
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Speaker 1: get inspiration from the last and purest clouds and the
16:09
Speaker 1: perfect hues of the ends of heaven. At last, he said,
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Speaker 1: in a soft and meditative voice, the single syllable cels.
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Speaker 1: Pump looked at him sharply, with a remarkable expression growing
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Speaker 1: on his grim face. But the doctor was far too
16:28
Speaker 1: rapidly rejoicing in his triumph to understand the Captain's meaning.
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Speaker 1: Cells alcohol are the exact words, he insisted, brandishing the
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Speaker 1: blue oblong of the New Act of Parliament. So far
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Speaker 1: as I'm concerned, they are in exact words, said Captain
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Speaker 1: Delroy with polite indifference. I have not been selling alcohol.
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Speaker 1: I have been giving it away. Has anybody here paid
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Speaker 1: me money? Has anybody here seen anybody else pay me money.
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Speaker 1: I'm a philanthropist, just like doctor Meadows. I am his
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Speaker 1: living image. Mister Levison and doctor Meadows looked across at
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Speaker 1: each other, and on the face of the first was consternation,
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Speaker 1: and on the second a full return of all his
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Speaker 1: terrors of the complicated law. I shall remain here for
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Speaker 1: several weeks, continued the captain, leaning elegantly on the can,
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Speaker 1: and shall give away gratus such supplies of this excellent
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Speaker 1: drink as may be demanded by the citizens. It appears
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Speaker 1: that there is no such supply at present in this district,
17:33
Speaker 1: and I feel sure that no person present can object
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Speaker 1: to so strictly legal and highly charitable an arrangement. In
17:43
Speaker 1: this he was apparently in error, for several persons present
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Speaker 1: seemed to object to it. But curiously enough, it was
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Speaker 1: not the withered and fanatical face of the philanthropist's Meadows,
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Speaker 1: nor the dark and equine face of the official Levice
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Speaker 1: which stood out most vividly as a picture of protest.
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Speaker 1: The face most strangely unsympathetic with this form of charity
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Speaker 1: was that of the exproprietor of Hugby's ales. His gooseberry
18:15
Speaker 1: eyes were almost dropping from his head, and his words
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Speaker 1: sprang from his lips before he could stop them. And
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Speaker 1: you blooming well think you can come here like a
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Speaker 1: big buffoon, you beast, and take away all my trade.
18:32
Speaker 1: Old Meadows turned on him with the swiftness of an adder.
18:36
Speaker 1: And what is your trade, mister Hugby, he asked the brewer,
18:41
Speaker 1: bubbled with a sort of bursting anger. The goats all
18:45
Speaker 1: looked at the ground, as is according to a Roman poet,
18:48
Speaker 1: the habit of the lower animals. Man in the character
18:52
Speaker 1: of mister Patrick Delroy, taking advantage of a free but
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Speaker 1: fine translation of the Latin passage, looked at and with
19:01
Speaker 1: uplifted eyes beheld his own hereditary skies. Well, all I
19:08
Speaker 1: can say is roared, mister Hugby. If the police come
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Speaker 1: all this way and can't lock up a dirty loafer
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Speaker 1: whose coats all in rags, there's an end of me
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Speaker 1: paying these fat, infernal taxes. And yes, said Delroy, in
19:25
Speaker 1: a voice that felic an axe, there is an end
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Speaker 1: of you. Please God. It's brewers like you that have
19:32
Speaker 1: made the instinct with poison till even good men asked
19:37
Speaker 1: for no inns at all, and you are worse than
19:40
Speaker 1: the teetotalers, for you prevented what they never knew. And
19:45
Speaker 1: as for you, eminent man of science, great philanthropist, idealist,
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Speaker 1: and destroyer of inns, let me give one cold fact
19:55
Speaker 1: for your information. You are not respected, you are obeyed.
20:02
Speaker 1: And why should I or any one respect you? Particularly
20:07
Speaker 1: you say you built this town and get up at
20:10
Speaker 1: daybreak to watch this town. You built it for money,
20:14
Speaker 1: and you watch it for more money. Why should I
20:17
Speaker 1: respect you? Because you are fastidious about food that your
20:22
Speaker 1: poor old digestion may outlive the hearts of better men?
20:27
Speaker 1: Why should you be the god of this valley? Whose
20:29
Speaker 1: god is your belly? Merely because you do not even
20:33
Speaker 1: love your God, but only fear him. Go home to
20:36
Speaker 1: your prayers, old man, for all men shall die. Read
20:41
Speaker 1: the Bible if you like, as they do in your
20:43
Speaker 1: German home. And I suppose you once read it to
20:46
Speaker 1: pick texts, as you now read it to pick holes.
20:50
Speaker 1: I don't read it myself, I'm afraid, but I remember
20:53
Speaker 1: some words in Old Mulligan's translation, and I leave them
20:57
Speaker 1: with you. Unless God and he made a movement with
21:01
Speaker 1: his arms, so natural and yet so vast that for
21:05
Speaker 1: an instant the town really looked like a toy of
21:08
Speaker 1: bright colored cardboard at the feet of the giant. Unless
21:12
Speaker 1: God build the city, their labor is but lost that
21:16
Speaker 1: build it. Unless God keep the city. The watchman watcheth
21:20
Speaker 1: in vain. It is lost labor that you rise up
21:24
Speaker 1: early in the morning and eat the bread of carefulness,
21:28
Speaker 1: while he giveth his beloved sleep. Try and understand what
21:33
Speaker 1: that means, And never mind whether it's allow hisstick. And
21:37
Speaker 1: now hump, we'll away and away. I'm tired of the
21:41
Speaker 1: green tiles over there. Come fill my cup, and he
21:46
Speaker 1: banged down the cask in the car. Come saddle my horses,
21:50
Speaker 1: and call out my men, and tremble gay goats in
21:54
Speaker 1: the midst of your glee, for you've not seen the
21:57
Speaker 1: last of my milk. Can and me this song was
22:02
Speaker 1: joyously borne away with mister Delroy in the disappearing car,
22:06
Speaker 1: and the motorists were miles beyond pursuit from peaceways before
22:11
Speaker 1: they thought of halting again. But they were still beside
22:14
Speaker 1: that bag of that noble and enlarging river, and in
22:18
Speaker 1: a place of deep fern and fairy ribbon birches, with
22:21
Speaker 1: the glowing and gleaming water behind them. Patrick asked his
22:25
Speaker 1: friend to stop the car by the way, said Humphrey. Suddenly,
22:29
Speaker 1: there was one thing I didn't understand. Why was he
22:32
Speaker 1: so afraid of the public analyst? What poison and chemicals
22:36
Speaker 1: does he put in the milk? H two O answered
22:40
Speaker 1: the Captain. I take it without milk myself. And he
22:43
Speaker 1: bent over as if to drink of the stream, as
22:46
Speaker 1: he had done at daybreak. End of chapter nineteen