Latest / The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast / 270. Don't Wait Until It's Too Late. Setting Boundaries With The Opposite Sex To Protect Your Marriage

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270. Don't Wait Until It's Too Late. Setting Boundaries With The Opposite Sex To Protect Your Marriage · The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: You are listening to the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast, where we discuss how to find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: We believe that, no matter how many years you've been married, you can achieve passion, romance, happiness and ultimate intimacy at any stage of your life.
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Join us as we talk to not only marriage experts, but couples just like yourself and people who are just flat out fun.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: The Ultimate Intimacy Podcast is for couples who have a good relationship but want to make it even better.
• 0:40
  Speaker 2: It's the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast with Nick and Amy, and today's episode we're going to be talking about setting boundaries with the opposite sex to protect your marriage.
• 0:51
  Speaker 3: That's not just like hanging out with them.
• 0:53
  Speaker 3: It goes much deeper than that.
• 0:54
  Speaker 3: We're talking like social media and lots of different things.
• 0:57
  Speaker 3: So before you decide that you don't need this episode, everyone does, oh you need this episode, trust me.
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: But before we jump in, we're going to do a would you rather question from the app.
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: If you haven't got the app, you're crazy.
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: You should get the app, the ultimate intimacy app.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: It will transform your marriage.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: If you already have it, you should be using the.
• 1:20
  Speaker 2: Would you rather questions?
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Because you're going to have fun questions like this one.
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: So let's read the question.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: Uh, would you rather have the perfect relationship with your spouse but never experience personal growth, or have a challenging relationship that leads to personal development?
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: Why are you laughing about that?
• 1:43
  Speaker 3: do you want me to be honest?
• 1:44
  Speaker 2: nope, I want you to lie to me.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, okay, you want me to be honest?
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: Nope, I want you to lie to me.
• 1:48
  Speaker 3: Oh okay, I want you to tell me what I want to hear.
• 1:50
  Speaker 2: I would love personal growth and lots of challenges in my life.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: Perfect, actually.
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: Well, what would?
• 1:55
  Speaker 3: you pick.
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: Actually, I would pick the one that have challenges and growth Really.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Oh, you're a better person than me.
• 2:00
  Speaker 3: I think the perfect marriage sounds nice.
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: That You're a better person than me.
• 2:06
  Speaker 3: I think the perfect marriage sounds nice.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: That does sound nice, but After being through a lot of personal growth and challenges, I think I would like to pick the other one.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Well, hold on, hold on.
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: Can I pick what challenges I have?
• 2:12
  Speaker 2: No, can I review those first?
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: No, then I'd rather have the perfect marriage, because I don't want to have a challenge and I'm like, oh man, this is awful, this, this is awful.
• 2:21
  Speaker 2: This is not what I signed up for.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: That's why these lead to good conversations and, frankly and sadly, you don't get to make that choice because marriage is all about personal growth and becoming better and testing yourself and your relationship, so it's not really a question that's realistic.
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: Maybe we'd all pick the first one, but unfortunately we all have to have the trials and challenges.
• 2:49
  Speaker 2: That's why we're doing this podcast.
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's why.
• 2:53
  Speaker 3: We've been through it, exactly, exactly.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: So let's dive in and talk about why you should set boundaries in your marriage.
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: Ooh boundaries, and we've talked about these before and we do videos and people.
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: Either love them or hate them.
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: They like to get worked up Sometimes.
• 3:15
  Speaker 3: Sometimes people are on board Like why in the world.
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: Do you need boundaries?
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: Do you not trust your spouse, Like why can't they be alone with the opposite sex?
• 3:23
  Speaker 3: What's wrong with that?
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: People are typically that comment that are typically barely married, not married or divorced.
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say that most couples out there that have a good marriage have some sort of boundaries right, absolutely they've talked about certain things like hey, here's, here's what we should do, or here's what we shouldn't do, absolutely.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: So we're going to talk about probably the obvious things, but why you should have boundaries with the opposite sex.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: And other boundaries.
• 3:59
  Speaker 3: We're going to talk about other boundaries too, but I wanted to start out by saying, yeah, if you love your spouse and you're committed, boundaries are important.
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: I also personally feel like boundaries are super important if you love yourself.
• 4:14
  Speaker 3: I feel like there's a self-love there when you're like I'm not gonna put up with certain things.
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: I, I respect myself enough for you to not say that or to not be around that or to not put yourself in a situation like that.
• 4:28
  Speaker 3: Like I, I'm not okay with that.
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: And if both people like really respect and love themselves, like, there's going to be lots of things that they're both going to say yeah, absolutely agree to this, because I wouldn't tolerate that either, right, well, I think, yeah, I agree, and I think it's human nature to to think, to believe that we're stronger than we actually are.
• 4:47
  Speaker 2: It's real easy to say, oh, if I got put in that situation, I have no problem, right.
• 4:52
  Speaker 2: And then you get marriage gets hard, yeah, and then you get in a certain situation and you're like, oh man, I mean, if you look at, if you look at the couples out there that maybe have cheated on their spouse, ended up up in divorce, made some really bad decisions, I would guess to say that the majority of them did not have boundaries that they had established and so there were no lines or things that they had discussed, and so they got into a bad situation and probably never intended to cross that line.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: But but if you don't have a boundary, then you don't have a line.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: So you really, you really have no, I guess you know right or wrong, so to speak, or guide.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: I mean, it'd be real easy to go back to your spouse and say, well, I didn't know, that was wrong, we never talked about that I think that happens to a lot of couples, like oh, if we would have put that.
• 5:44
  Speaker 3: Like I get.
• 5:45
  Speaker 3: I hear from a lot of women or wives that say, if we would have discussed this or this or this, this probably would never happen, we probably would have never been divorced or we would have never been going through what we're going through.
• 5:57
  Speaker 3: Right, yeah, it just takes communication, and that's the whole reason we feel like, no matter where you're at in your relationship, it's important to talk about these boundaries.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: Keep talking about these boundaries, keep putting ones in place, if they need to be added or if they don't Like, I don't know.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: I think it's a continual thing, not just something you do on day one or before you get married and then let it go.
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: And I really look at the boundaries like almost like a house, and then you have a wall or whatever around your house, a fence, to keep you safe, to keep bad things from coming in, and so a boundary is kind of similar to that, to where you're just basically protecting the most important thing, which should be your marriage, to keep bad things from coming in.
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: If you set certain boundaries and say, you know, I'm never going to do this and you don't allow those things to come in, how much easier is life going to be Because you're not going to have to worry about or deal with those things.
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: Absolutely.
• 6:53
  Speaker 3: We all protect what we love.
• 6:55
  Speaker 3: Right, it's no different than our stuff, our house, our car.
• 7:01
  Speaker 3: We lock it, we protect it, we put up a fence around it.
• 7:05
  Speaker 3: Right, we guard it.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: And that's a great I like the word guard, we guard it.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: That's a great point.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: We protect what we love, right.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: We protect our money and our bank right.
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: We protect the things that are important to us.
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: We lock our house, we lock our car because we're protecting the things that are important to us.
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 7:21
  Speaker 3: would our marriage symbolically like be any different?
• 7:23
  Speaker 3: Right, right, important to us.
• 7:24
  Speaker 3: Why would our marriage symbolically like be any different?
• 7:26
  Speaker 3: Right, right, right.
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: And I think that when you really step back and see what society or worldly things are doing to wreck marriages, it's easy to be like those are absolute things that need to be put in place in a marriage and we're going to talk about those simple ones.
• 7:37
  Speaker 3: I think most of these, I think most of the people listening will think these are common sense.
• 7:43
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but before of get into those like what would be the first step, like for a couple to say, okay, we really we haven't set boundaries.
• 7:50
  Speaker 2: How do we start?
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: What do we do?
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: Like what would be the first step in your mind?
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah, right, talk about it yeah, sit down together and say okay, let's discuss what boundaries we have and why and why, concerning the opposite sex.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: And then you can get into all the things, or let's discuss the boundaries that we have for friends or for spending money, or it could be for, uh, a myriad of things, but today we're talking about, obviously, the opposite sex, right?
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: So I think that's a big one.
• 8:21
  Speaker 3: So it's a huge one, even if you're not like.
• 8:24
  Speaker 3: If you're're in your marriage right now and you're like I don't have any issues with this, it doesn't mean your spouse might not down the road, it might not like.
• 8:33
  Speaker 3: What I think that most couples don't realize is, even if their marriage is in an awesome place, there's going to be time, or there has been time, where it's not an awesome place Like you're having.
• 8:43
  Speaker 3: There's.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: There's stages right.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: There's times where marriage really struggles, and those are the times where I think people can get tempted.
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: I think that they need boundaries I think, I think that's the time where things get hard and sometimes the emotional affairs and stuff like that can happen, and I don't think we have the boundaries necessarily there to protect things when things are going good and when things are easy and when things are secure.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: I think the boundaries are there to protect us during all times, but especially during the times when, like you said, things maybe aren't going.
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: We let our guard down, things like that.
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely.
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: Obviously, we should have them all the time, absolutely.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: So let's jump in and talk about what boundaries we should have with the opposite sex and why.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: Let's do it.
• 9:30
  Speaker 3: Let's do it.
• 9:31
  Speaker 3: Let's start with transparency.
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: You have to be very, very transparent about friendships, social interactions, where you're putting yourself, who you're interacting with when it comes to the opposite sex, where you're putting yourself, who you're interacting with when it comes to the opposite sex.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: And I want to point out, first off, if your spouse wants to talk about this or something's come up the reason, maybe that's the reason they're bringing this up or they're concerned about this.
• 9:55
  Speaker 3: It's not jealousy things.
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: It's not because, oh, you've got issues, just you're too jealous, or whatever.
• 10:01
  Speaker 3: Like this is important.
• 10:02
  Speaker 3: It's important to be transparent about who you're too jealous or whatever.
• 10:04
  Speaker 3: Like this is important.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: It's important to be transparent about who you're with, who you're spending time with, who you're around, why you're around.
• 10:11
  Speaker 3: I mean, I well, I think transparency is key to a marriage and I think transparency shows trust.
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: Right, like you're like, hey, I have nothing to hide absolutely let's talk about this and also allows your spouse to offer support and help and things like that too.
• 10:25
  Speaker 3: But hopefully you're transparent enough anyways that they don't even have to be like asking right, like I'm hoping in most relationships.
• 10:32
  Speaker 3: Hey, I'm going to play pickleball with some people.
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: There are going to be a couple guys there, there's going to be a whole slew of girls, so it's not like the kind of situation where there's anything to worry about.
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: But I just want to be up front with you.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: That's a great conversation, right?
• 10:48
  Speaker 3: Oh yeah, oh, thanks for.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Yeah, thanks for letting me know I'm not worried, but just being open about it before your husband drives by and sees there's a bunch of like I don't know I just, yeah, you drive by, yeah, you drive you by, and you see your husband playing with a bunch of women and it looks a little friendly, or your wife?
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: is playing with three, three men like it's just if you're being transparent.
• 11:04
  Speaker 3: And a lot of people like we find in our community, a lot of people are playing pickleball with opposite sex.
• 11:10
  Speaker 3: That's fine if they're being transparent about it and they've talked about it in their marriage and they're trustworthy and there's nothing and maybe they're all friends, right.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: And they both said yeah, we feel comfortable.
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: I feel comfortable with that.
• 11:21
  Speaker 2: I know who you're playing with.
• 11:22
  Speaker 3: I know who you're talking to.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: I'm not.
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: Yeah, like I'm, I'm fine with that.
• 11:25
  Speaker 3: The problem becomes is when you're you're keeping it a secret, when you're trying to hide it from yourself.
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: I'm just going to play with some people.
• 11:33
  Speaker 3: I'm playing with some people, but it's not a big deal like.
• 11:36
  Speaker 3: Transparency absolutely creates trust.
• 11:40
  Speaker 3: So having those conversations, not treating your spouse like they're jealous but hey, I want to be open about this because it's good for our relationship and I would want you to be this way back with me.
• 11:49
  Speaker 3: It just it creates a healthy marriage.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: Agreed, right, absolutely.
• 11:54
  Speaker 3: Okay, the next one is mutual consent.
• 11:56
  Speaker 3: So just making sure that, if you're going to go hang out with people of the opposite sex and you know how we feel if you listen to our previous episodes on this like one-on-one with opposite sex to us is like, like, unless you've got a career like that, where there's no way around it, yeah, why would you put yourself in that position?
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: I don't know why you'd ever be in that situation we've actually had people email us and say oh yeah, my husband goes out with, uh uh, a girl that he's known for a long time.
• 12:25
  Speaker 3: They just have dinner the two of them, they're friends uh, that's no, absolutely crazy.
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: And you know I mean that why?
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: yeah, I can't understand that at all.
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: I can't write my mind around that one like there's no, why aren't you there with them?
• 12:39
  Speaker 3: Like why?
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: Yeah well, I don't, I don't understand, like, besides career things, like there's situations obviously that are have to be like that, but a one-on-one by choice, like oh yeah, it's not not acceptable.
• 12:55
  Speaker 3: But even even, not even just one-on-one where it's maybe like, maybe it's a sport?
• 13:01
  Speaker 3: I don't I don't really know of any other examples.
• 13:03
  Speaker 3: Do you, besides, like playing a sport?
• 13:06
  Speaker 3: Or maybe actually like, maybe, if you're serving in your church and there's the opposite set like?
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: I think it's just important to be careful about um the situations that you're putting yourself in and even if there's no bad intentions, it's just what, what it could the optics could look like as well, too Like someone sees the two of you alone talking, and you know I mean just the optics, I mean there's a lot of crap out there, like with people having phones and recording stuff, and I don't, you just never.
• 13:34
  Speaker 3: You don't want to put yourself in those kind of situations, not only because you're innocent and nothing's happening, but because you also can be accused.
• 13:46
  Speaker 2: Absolutely.
• 13:47
  Speaker 3: Accused of stuff right.
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: And you have no way to protect yourself.
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: We have totally seen that happen before too.
• 13:51
  Speaker 3: For sure you don't want to put yourself in situations like that, not for your spouse, not for yourself, not for the other person.
• 13:57
  Speaker 3: The next one we kind of already said, but it's secrecy.
• 14:01
  Speaker 3: I think it's really important to avoid any kind of secrecy in your marriage, not just with the opposite sex, but if you want like a trust and vulnerable and healthy relationship, there shouldn't be any secrets in your marriage none online social media with who you're hanging out, with who you're working with, right yeah.
• 14:25
  Speaker 2: Yeah, totally I actually got.
• 14:28
  Speaker 3: This is kind of off topic, not to do with secrecy, but I had a wife reach out to me the other day and she's like my husband has this new coworker and she's very good looking and she's very flirtatious, like very flirtatious, and they're together a lot at work and I'm just really really struggling with this and she's like I feel like it's gonna break up our marriage, like that's how flirtatious and like she's just like I don't know what to do.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 14:58
  Speaker 3: And I think it's important to number one have this conversation with your spouse.
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: This is why I feel this way.
• 15:04
  Speaker 3: This is why I'm concerned.
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe I am a little bit jealous.
• 15:07
  Speaker 3: I I can be honest about that.
• 15:08
  Speaker 3: Maybe you know what I mean.
• 15:10
  Speaker 3: Like I'm a little concerned because she is flirting with you and that's not okay.
• 15:14
  Speaker 3: And have that vulnerable conversation and be open about it, be honest about it.
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: I think in marriage we should be able to have those kind of conversations where we can both come together and like share feelings, like that, right.
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: But the next step is also like if the husband's realizing that this might, there might be something there that maybe she is flirting and maybe he's falling for it a little bit, he's getting flattered by that and it might be causing some disconnect in his own brain to his own marriage.
• 15:40
  Speaker 3: There are definitely like strong, strong things you can do.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: That's like this is going to wreck my marriage.
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: I got a new job.
• 15:49
  Speaker 3: Like if you love your spouse, sometimes it takes the extreme measures to cut these things out of your life to protect what you love.
• 15:56
  Speaker 3: Like I said right, I know that's extreme, but I'm like.
• 15:59
  Speaker 3: Sometimes we're in situations where we have to cut yeah, you gotta decide what's most important, what's most?
• 16:04
  Speaker 3: Important yeah agreed with agreed 100 I feel like I'm talking a lot.
• 16:10
  Speaker 3: No, it doesn't have much to say.
• 16:12
  Speaker 2: Amazing, I'm just taking, taking it all in and just listening to just all the amazing um, the next one.
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: Well, I guess I kind of already said this, but avoiding flirtatious behaviors.
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: I don't care, like where you are, who you're with.
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: I think it's super, super important to just completely avoid being flirty with the opposite sex Like if you're married to me.
• 16:38
  Speaker 3: That's like emotionally cheating.
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: You know, talking about flirting.
• 16:42
  Speaker 2: If someone's obviously flirting with you, they have certain motives.
• 16:47
  Speaker 3: They're not going to flirt with you, Just even if they aren't trying to like come out and like break up a marriage or something they're obviously either having like self-esteem issues.
• 16:56
  Speaker 3: They need attention.
• 16:56
  Speaker 2: They're not getting attention in their own relationship something right something there's a deeper motive but yeah, I I think that's a big one I think that's a big one.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: But that's not even like being alone with the opposite sex, like that's just like in life, like not flirting, like there's no reason to flirt with anyone but your spouse well, and I think it's so important to to set uh boundaries with technology.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: I think technology is a big one.
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: We've seen a lot of family members that have had affairs and things like that.
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: Um, and we think it's based upon what we know is caused by technology, right, they start following someone with the opposite sex that maybe they were a friend or ex or whatever, and they don't think anything of it and and pretty soon they're talking and then they're.
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: You know, it goes further than that.
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: You know again, I've said this before I don't think anyone has the intention of cheating on their spouse, but so often that just starts with such simple little things and then slowly progresses until you're in too late, right.
• 17:58
  Speaker 3: And not even just like cheating, because a lot of couples aren't going to go cheat, but it could wreck your marriage.
• 18:04
  Speaker 3: You could end up in divorce, right, like it always starts innocent your marriage.
• 18:10
  Speaker 3: You could end up in divorce, right like it always starts innocent, like a simple friend request, a, a direct message that was too personal.
• 18:14
  Speaker 3: Um, too many messages to someone, um, allowing your ex ex-boyfriend or ex-person spouse to even friend?
• 18:24
  Speaker 3: You like like simple things and then all of a sudden you are having a really hard struggle in your marriage and they're like I'm here for you and you start talking to them.
• 18:32
  Speaker 3: It just starts that simple.
• 18:34
  Speaker 2: Well, these are such easy things to set boundaries on.
• 18:37
  Speaker 2: And again, you just sit down as a couple and you decide what kind of boundaries do we need to set?
• 18:41
  Speaker 2: And this might look differently for every couple, but I think when you're talking about your marriage, you probably want to err on the more extreme side, versus being a little more relaxed, Like.
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: So a boundary with social media would be okay.
• 18:55
  Speaker 2: Let's agree that we're not going to follow anyone of the opposite sex, right, or whatever that looks like.
• 19:02
  Speaker 3: Or if that's too extreme for you, okay, you can follow, but say maybe you don't follow anyone that is being revealing with their clothing, or maybe you don't allow any personal messages.
• 19:13
  Speaker 3: If that's even tempting to you, then go back to the okay, we can't follow the opposite sex Like you know what kind of control you have right.
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: Or if you are, you know, making it, getting back to the secrecy thing, making it something to where?
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: Hey, at any time, if you want to see what, what's going on with the social media, you're more than welcome, right oh, absolutely be transparent, so it might look differently for every couple, and that's okay.
• 19:34
  Speaker 3: Find what works for you in your relationship or maybe even have a joint account where you're both on the same account, you both have the same friends.
• 19:42
  Speaker 3: Like this is a family account.
• 19:43
  Speaker 3: There's nothing to hide and then have fun on social media, right there's like ways to enjoy technology and social media and to be safe and protect your marriage and still be able to have it be a positive thing in your life.
• 19:56
  Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely for sure.
• 19:58
  Speaker 2: Well, and then going to being alone with the opposite sex.
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: So I I actually, well, I'll show this experience a, but yeah, being alone with the opposite sex.
• 20:08
  Speaker 2: You know, we recognize there's going to be, maybe certain times like you have work, things you have to do, right, so we understand that.
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: But figure out what those boundaries are with the opposite sex.
• 20:20
  Speaker 2: Like for us, we're just like we're not going to be alone with the opposite sex regardless, right?
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: For us, there's no need.
• 20:25
  Speaker 2: Like, even if it's someone we don't know like, why would I need to be alone with the opposite sex so?
• 20:32
  Speaker 2: and and that and that looks.
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: That looks different for everyone.
• 20:36
  Speaker 2: But yeah, I'm not gonna go hang out with the opposite sex and have discussions with you know, things like that.
• 20:42
  Speaker 2: So, um, the reason why, the reason why?
• 20:45
  Speaker 2: So I, I had a lady hit my car a little while back and we were in a parking lot.
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: She backed into me, she got out and she started just totally lying and the police came and she was telling the police total lies and that I was accusing her of things and saying things to her that I didn't.
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: And anyways, my point is is you never know Like this lady was falsely accusing me of some pretty crazy things and I'm like what in the world?
• 21:19
  Speaker 2: You just all that happened is you hit my car Right and you know she was accusing me of saying things to her and almost becoming threatening and things like that to her and almost becoming threatening and things like that.
• 21:31
  Speaker 2: So even in front of the judge.
• 21:32
  Speaker 2: So she tried taking me to court and even in front of the judge she's just blatantly lying to try to disparage and ruin me and hurt my reputation, and the judge luckily saw through that.
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: My point is is there are people out there that will take advantage of things and you know if, if they don't get what they want, or maybe they're not thinking right and they're a little bit crazy.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: My point is there's people out there that will do things to take advantage of you or try to destroy your life, just for various reasons yeah, thank goodness we had had that on recording which we didn't realize.
• 22:13
  Speaker 3: But yeah, I think that comes back to you.
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: Never know what you're going to get accused of.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, and you can't protect yourself when there's only two of you.
• 22:21
  Speaker 3: So there's lots of different situations where you could be put in a situation where you're with the opposite sex.
• 22:28
  Speaker 3: I mean, there's no reason to even put yourself there, right Well?
• 22:32
  Speaker 2: like Amy said, luckily they had a recording from the store that we were in front of, and so the judge could see that.
• 22:40
  Speaker 2: What she was saying was lying right, but my point is people are just crazy, and sometimes they will say just crazy things to get what they want.
• 22:51
  Speaker 2: In this case, she was wanting money for me instead of to pay for my car that she backed into, which is crazy.
• 22:59
  Speaker 2: So, anyways, yeah, yeah I think that one's really important.
• 23:06
  Speaker 3: The next one is wearing your wedding ring.
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: I got so much pushback on this post that I did on social media about wearing your wedding ring.
• 23:16
  Speaker 3: I thought it was like was going to be like a really boring post and it went viral because so many people were against it.
• 23:23
  Speaker 2: I was like what I didn't even know that was controversial in any form.
• 23:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 23:27
  Speaker 3: I understand that some people can't wear one.
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: If they have a job where it could rip their finger off or something like that, like I get that.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: But there's like so many different kind of rings and to me what's the first thing like?
• 23:39
  Speaker 2: if you were a single person looking for someone else, what's the first thing you would?
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: you're probably gonna see if they have a ring on.
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: So to me it's like not just a commitment to yourself that you're married and you committed to another person, but it's like a sign to the world that you're committed to someone else too, if I was a, if I so I'm 48.
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: If I was single and single and ready to mingle, and I was out and about and I was like looking for someone to date.
• 24:11
  Speaker 2: The very first thing I would notice is like do they have a wedding ring on?
• 24:15
  Speaker 2: Are they married?
• 24:16
  Speaker 3: Well, some people don't care if they have a ring on, which is even sadder.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: And if a woman didn't have a ring on?
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: I'd be like oh, she must be available.
• 24:22
  Speaker 3: She must be single.
• 24:24
  Speaker 2: I'm going to try to flirt to convert.
• 24:26
  Speaker 3: Right, I'm gonna try to flirt to convert, right?
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's just, that's just like any normal person, right?
• 24:30
  Speaker 2: But so, anyways, my point is is you're laughing, what are you laughing at?
• 24:37
  Speaker 2: Well, wouldn't you be the same way?
• 24:40
  Speaker 2: Absolutely yeah, you'd be like, oh, does that?
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: I would not.
• 24:42
  Speaker 3: I would not be the kind of girl that would look at a guy and if he had a wedding ring on I would run like I wouldn't there's people that don't care about that, which is sad, but if you saw me, if you saw me across the pickleball court, you're like dang.
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: That guy is freaking hot and he doesn't have a wedding ring on what would you do if I was single?
• 25:01
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
• 25:02
  Speaker 3: I would hope that you would talk to me, but I wouldn't talk to you because I'm the girl.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: No, that's what I'm saying, if I was, if I was out there with my shirt off playing pickleball and and we weren't married.
• 25:12
  Speaker 2: And and you're like, dang, that guy's freaking fine.
• 25:15
  Speaker 2: And you, what would be the first thing you do?
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: You look at my hand and see if I had a wedding.
• 25:19
  Speaker 2: Like, dude, that guy's not taken.
• 25:20
  Speaker 2: Man, that guy is not taken.
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: It opened for business.
• 25:25
  Speaker 3: So I love how nick puts everything.
• 25:28
  Speaker 2: Okay, getting back on track we did kind of get off track a little wedding rings to me are very important.
• 25:36
  Speaker 3: You can think differently, we're okay with that.
• 25:38
  Speaker 3: I feel like it's a sign or commitment to you, to your spouse and to the world that you are taken yeah I think it's very important to either get a silicone one or you can get a little tiny band.
• 25:52
  Speaker 3: You can get one that Isn't going to jeopardize your safety.
• 25:57
  Speaker 3: I still think that they're really Important and so many people will say to me this is some of the backlash we got.
• 26:03
  Speaker 3: There's people that cheat all day long that have wedding rings on a wedding ring means nothing.
• 26:08
  Speaker 3: I there's people that cheat all day long that have wedding rings on A wedding ring means nothing.
• 26:10
  Speaker 3: I agree, but those people are already cheaters in their heart.
• 26:18
  Speaker 2: I still think that if you are a good, committed person, bottom line- If you're not wearing your wedding ring.
• 26:22
  Speaker 2: You might get hit on, you're posting a sign in front of the business that has a big open sign that says open for business.
• 26:30
  Speaker 3: You're welcome, you really are you yeah, you, you were sending, and if your spouse doesn't wear one, they are going out into the world and they might be hit on.
• 26:36
  Speaker 3: If you're okay with that, then maybe this doesn't apply to you, right exactly right, so yeah I mean because it because it's true, like there are plenty of people that are going to the gym and going places that are looking at people have rings or not, and some yes.
• 26:49
  Speaker 3: Some people don't care if they have.
• 26:50
  Speaker 2: That is just our opinion, but fortunately our opinion's right or you're not gonna care what we think, okay.
• 26:58
  Speaker 3: Um, I think it's really important um to respect each other's feelings on this and to reassure each other.
• 27:05
  Speaker 3: Like I already said, um, there are spouses that are overly jealous.
• 27:10
  Speaker 3: Obviously, there's a healthy balance when it comes to jealousy in a marriage and being overprotective and overconcerned.
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: I think that a couple needs to talk about why someone would be overjealous or why they'd be overly concerned or untrustworthy.
• 27:22
  Speaker 3: I think that's probably deeper issues that need to be resolved.
• 27:25
  Speaker 3: Are you doing things in your marriage that make your spouse feel like they can't trust you?
• 27:30
  Speaker 3: Are your actions showing full commitment?
• 27:33
  Speaker 3: Are you being fully committed online?
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: I I you know what I mean absolutely like sometimes sometimes it can be a background upbringing kind of thing that kind of messes you up.
• 27:42
  Speaker 3: Or sometimes it can be your spouse's actions that's kind of messing you up.
• 27:46
  Speaker 3: Like are you, does your spouse feel like you are 100 emotionally and physically faithful in the relationship?
• 27:54
  Speaker 3: If you make your spouse feel safe and secure and trustworthy, then then that's awesome.
• 28:01
  Speaker 3: But these conversations are important to have, I think do you agree do?
• 28:04
  Speaker 3: You agree?
• 28:05
  Speaker 3: talk about often and to respect each other's personalities and really like come and and say this is why I'm feeling this way and really talk about it, like just reassuring each other that we can have these kind of conversations and have healthy kind of conversations.
• 28:17
  Speaker 3: I just I don't I really think that's important and the next one, this one's important, it's not really.
• 28:23
  Speaker 3: I guess it could kind of lead to emotional to you Of comparing, comparing your spouse on social media, just lots of comparison in life in general.
• 28:36
  Speaker 3: Like I think comparison is the thief of joy, yes, but also can wreck your marriage.
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah, all it takes is saying one thing like oh, that girl's hot.
• 28:45
  Speaker 2: I mean all it takes is saying one comment like that.
• 28:50
  Speaker 2: That can just absolutely be devastating.
• 28:54
  Speaker 3: Well, all of a sudden, your wife's like oh well, maybe he's always checking out other people and now, my trust, I don't know Like you have to be careful about what you say.
• 29:03
  Speaker 3: Like yeah, it's okay to think that, but when you're constantly like making comments or like that just comes back to how do you?
• 29:14
  Speaker 3: make your wife, your spouse, feel, yeah, right, yeah, yeah, be very careful with what you say, yeah, absolutely, it builds trust.
• 29:17
  Speaker 3: Um, I think it's important to talk about this regularly, set boundaries regularly and kind of have check-ins about this.
• 29:24
  Speaker 3: I mean, it doesn't have to be all the time, but I think if, when you're starting a new hobby or you're starting a new career, or I mean those kind of situations where, like, hey, we probably need to discuss this.
• 29:35
  Speaker 3: What does this look like?
• 29:36
  Speaker 3: Let's bring in this conversation again.
• 29:39
  Speaker 3: Do you know what I mean?
• 29:40
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think setting boundaries again we've talked about.
• 29:43
  Speaker 2: You can set boundaries with every aspect of your marriage, but I think the opposite sex is probably one of the, if not the most important thing.
• 29:50
  Speaker 2: I mean, that's that's, you know, it's affairs and things like that that are causing marriages to break down.
• 29:56
  Speaker 2: You can, you can get away with potentially other things happening, but it's really hard to recover, I think, from something with the opposite sex.
• 30:04
  Speaker 2: I mean I trust is gone, even even something.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: That's like I said maybe maybe you didn't even do, but got put in a bad situation because you didn't have boundaries.
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: And sometimes there's things that even if you do have boundaries, you're going to be in bad situations, but just limiting the things that can really get into your relationship and cause issues.
• 30:29
  Speaker 2: And again I look at boundaries as a protection, a shield around you that's protecting you.
• 30:36
  Speaker 2: And because of the boundaries we have in our marriage, I feel a lot safer.
• 30:40
  Speaker 2: I feel like I just don't have to worry about things as much, Like if something happens, I'm like, oh, I've already set a boundary or I've already decided I'm not going to do something like that or even allow that to happen, and uh you know you're not going to be put in that situation.
• 30:57
  Speaker 2: Yeah absolutely.
• 30:58
  Speaker 2: And, and you know you don't have to worry about like, oh, what's a gray line to cross, Like what's acceptable, not acceptable, because you've probably already talked about those things Like what's acceptable?
• 31:08
  Speaker 2: Not acceptable because you probably already talked about those things Absolutely, absolutely.
• 31:13
  Speaker 2: So yeah, hopefully this is a podcast episode that can be beneficial to you.
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: I know we've talked about this before, but we have so many new listeners, we look back and it was quite a long time that we talked about boundaries before.
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: I don't think we really dived into social media, because I think that one's really really big.
• 31:29
  Speaker 2: I think, couples need to be talking that, about that, more often but if you, if you are a couple, that said, hey, let's sit down and talk about our boundaries with the office of sex, like that is an easy conversation to have.
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: It should be.
• 31:41
  Speaker 2: There's like nothing, nothing wrong or nothing that should be hard to have about that.
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: You just say hey you know, we haven't really established what boundaries we have with the office of sex.
• 31:51
  Speaker 2: Let's sit down and talk about that and I think that's going to be a really easy conversation to have and discuss those things.
• 31:57
  Speaker 2: So yeah, I think Amen.
• 32:03
  Speaker 3: Amen Okay.
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: Fold my arms that means I agree.
• 32:07
  Speaker 3: Okay, all right, well, I agree.
• 32:08
  Speaker 2: Okay, all right.
• 32:09
  Speaker 2: Well, I guess we don't have anything else to add to this podcast.
• 32:12
  Speaker 2: We really appreciate all of you listening and we hope you find ultimate intimacy in your relationship.